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TSL Quarterback Power Rankings – Week 4


Four weeks into the season, and it’s absolute chaos at the top of the Power Rankings.  The top three Division 1 QBs have traded wins against each other in recent weeks, and League icon Matty Ice remains undefeated atop two different divisions.  How do you put any of these legends anywhere BUT #1 at this point??  There is no fair way to rank our top passers right now, but hey, that’s why Topper pays us a six figure salary to figure these things out.


Last week we walked through the Pros/Cons argument for each of the viable contenders for the #10 spot, so this week we’re going to start by doing the same for our four contenders for the #1 spot.


Mark Dalfonso

Pros: Highest points per game in D1, defending D1 champions.  What more do we have to say?  That’s a pretty good resume. 

Cons: Lost decisively to Public Enemy and former #1 Chris Cole this week by a score of 35-14


Chris Cole

Pros: To be the man, you’ve gotta beat the man, and if Dalfonso was the #1 ranking last week, what does that say about the guy who just beat him?

Cons: Public Enemy was on top of the world for about two hours, before losing to Eyes Downtown by a score of 34-27.  The team that was once 20-0 (then 22-1) is now just 1-2 in its last three games, with two losses to Eyes Downtown.  Public Enemy is now 4th in their division in points per game.


Bobby McConnell

Pros: Best record in D1, less than one point away from Marketing Mayors as the highest PPG in the division, two straight wins over Public Enemy in consecutive weeks.

Cons: They may have Public Enemy’s number, but they got wrecked by Marketing Mayors in Week 1.  How can you justify McConnell being higher than Dalfonso when he has a head-to-head loss, fewer PPG, and the same number of losses?


Matty Ice

Pros: 8-0 for his two teams this session, including the 1st and 9th highest scoring offenses in the League (for reference, Marketing Mayors is 15th, Eyes Downtown is 18th and Public Enemy is 31st).  Three wins this week, scoring between 41 and 44 points in each.

Cons: Again… to be the man, you’ve gotta beat the man, and the only knock on Matty is that he’s not beating any of these other guys by playing in D2.  We think Matty can hang with the heavyweights, but until he moves up to D1 to prove it (next session?) it’s absolutely working against him.


Mark has beaten Bobby, who has beaten Chris, who has beaten Mark… and Matty hasn’t beaten or lost to any of them… so head to head record doesn’t help us here.  If we went solely on stats, it’d be Dalfonso.  If we went solely on record this season, it’d be McConnell.  If we took into account a longer recent history dating back to last season, it’d be Cole.  And if we ignored divisional differences and let his D2/D4 work speak for itself, it’d be Matty.


So what did we decide?  Let’s take a look.



Don’t like it?  Feel free to complain, like everyone else.




Dean Thompson #5 of Peachy Platoon rolls to easy wins over Energy Buff and We Back (or whatever subs they slapped together this week to pass for a team) by a combined score of 91-12.  Booooriiiing.  Bring on Hofbrauhaus Buffalo. Bring on the A&A rematch. These are the D2 battles we want to see.


Vince Taverna #6 keeps his spot with bye this week – well deserved rest for an All We Do Is Quinn team that started the season with three doubleheaders.


We were convinced that Topper’s stay in the Top Ten would be a short lived fluke, but here he is four weeks into the season, and actually rising in the Power Rankings with a Hofbrauhaus Buffalo win over Matt Newman #9 and Slytherin That End Zone by a score of 36-18.  This was Topper’s first game this season against an upper tier D2 team, and although they gave up nearly as many points against Newman as they did in their first three games combined, actually trailing by a couple points at halftime, the Hofbrauhausers got their act together in the second half to pull away.  Topper #7 moves up in the standings.  Unreal.


Joey Batts #8 gets wrecked by Tight Ends in Motion 40-15, costing him a spot in the Power Rankings.  Gryffindor has been outscored by TEIM 75-15 in two games this season... yikes.  Fun fact: if it weren’t for Gryffindor’s cross divisional game against D2 Dilf’s, Joey Batts would own both the longest winning streak in the League (with Cunning Stunts) AND the longest losing streak (with Gryffindor).


The battle for the final spot in our Top Ten was a little less intense this week, as we had only two viable candidates we considered.  Mike Mckenrick #11 made his case with the aforementioned annihilation of Gryffindor, but Larry Chruscial #10 of Over Compensators hangs on with TWO 50+ point performances this week, including a 50-24 win over Come From Behind and a 58-25 destruction of their En Fuego rivals.  Over Compensators has the most points in the League after four weeks, and the most points per game as well (non-gender of course; no one competes with Matty’s Angels otherwise).  Blase Laduca was #comingforblood this week, but Larry’s the one leaving with the W and the Top Ten ranking. 


Who else is lurking in the shadows waiting for their shot at Top Ten glory?  Scott Drosendahl #12 had his chance this week with a double header that could have put Frodo Swaggins on top of the D3 standings.  They took care of business against No Punt Intended with a 34-29 win, but then dropped a bit of a shocker to 3rd & Schlong 41-22.  Schlong had been riding the longest active losing streak in the League before stunning Frodo, but the problem with that team has never been on the offensive side – Scott Keller Sr #15 is averaging 34 ppg, which is half a point better than Eyes Downtown and just two tenths of a point less than Marketing Mayors.  3rd & Schlong are 16th in the league on offense and 43rd in defense, so don’t blame the QB for this team’s struggles.


Joe Miano #13 doesn’t deserve to drop in the Power Rankings after pulling off a thrilling 27-25 win over No Punt Intended, but a) Mike Mckenrick’s win over Gryffindor was even more impressive, and b) Scott played the same NPI team as Joe and scored even more against them in HIS win.  Sorry Joe.  Win your much-hyped Jabronies vs Sticky Bandits bet game next week and we’ll make it up to you.


Dilf’s beat “We Back” 47-12.  Yawn.  Johnny Dio #14 keeps his spot.


Scott Pinto #16 is making noise as the Ultimate Warriors pick up their first win of the season over the Sticky Bandits by a score of 46-30.  Scott has played well all season as the Ultimate Warriors are 10th in the League in scoring and 2nd in D3 behind AWDIQ.  We’ve probably been unfairly biased against this team in the Power Rankings since they effectively use two different quarterbacks (Sam “Icebox” Lattuca #20 being the other), making it difficult for us to rank either player.  But both are legitimately good, and Ultimate Warriors have the formula down to perfection – Scott drives the team into the red zone, and Sam punches it in.  Ultimate Warriors becomes the first team in Power Rankings history to have two quarterbacks ranked in the same week.


Kyle Conniff #17 and No Punt Intended dropped both games of a doubleheader (34-29 vs Frodo Swaggins, 27-25 vs Jabronies) this week to fall one spot in our Power Rankings.  But on the bright side, we weren’t even showing our rankings past the Top Fifteen last week, so at least now Kyle is getting SOME recognition as we expand to show our Top Twenty.  Kyle is one of the most complete players in the League, and he can beat you with his arm, his legs, his hands and his defense.  NPI is 2-2 and has another doubleheader on tap for next week – wins over the struggling Puckett All-Stars and End Game could push Kyle into the Top Fifteen.  And hey, why IS End Game struggling so much lately?  David Eickhoff #19 continues to plummet in our Power Rankings as the End Game offense sputters to the 7th worst PPG in the League.  These guys were really good last session… not so much anymore.


Our guess is that if you haven’t heard of Vaspian yet, you will soon.  This brand new team founded by Drew (the guy who’s made Topper look halfway decent all these years) is already gelling well, and QB Lucas Kramer #18 earns his spot in the Power Rankings with a 25-13 win over End Game.  The League looks forward to getting to know these guys better.



Here are a few quick hits on your TSL team leaders after three weeks – we’ve separated out gender teams where needed, because apparently our ladies are so dominant they ruin these categories for their less athletic male counterparts:


·         Best Offensive Team (total points) – Over Compensators, 297

·         Best Offensive Team (points per game) – Matty’s Angels, 56

·         Best Non-Gender Offensive Team (points per game) – Over Compensators, 49.5


·         Worst Offensive Team (total points) – Pink Pteratacos, 24

·         Worst Offensive Team (points per game) – Pink Pteratacos, 8


·         Best Defensive Team (total points against) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, 40

·         Best Defensive Team (points against per game) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, 10


·         Worst Defensive Team (total points against) – Gryffindor, 269

·         Worst Defensive Team (points against per game) – Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, 54.5


·         Best Point Differential (total points) – Over Compensators, +166

·         Best Point Differential (points per game) – Matty’s Angels, +37.3

·         Best Non-Gender Point Differential (points per game) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, +32.8


·         Worst Point Differential (total points) – We Back, -196

·         Worst Point Differential (points per game) – We Back, -39.2


·         Longest Current Win Streak – Cunning Stunts, 7

·         Longest Current Losing Streak – Hope N Ruin, 6


·         Remaining Undefeated Teams: A&A, Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, Mattys Angels, Cunning Stunts, Over Compensators, Bipolar Express* (Includes tie)

·         Remaining Winless Teams: Energy Buff, We Back, Puckett All-Stars, Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, Pink Pteratacos, Hope N Ruin, Shattered Dreams




Last week we shared some charts with the top offenses in the League – this week we’re going to take a look at defenses.  Here are your best and worst defenses in the League after four weeks, sorted by Points Per Game


Only three teams are allowing fewer than 20 points per game, and Hofbrauhaus Buffalo has a commanding lead here – to put it in perspective, the difference in points per game between first place Hofbrauhaus Buffalo and second place pAssless Chaps (7.33 ppg) is roughly the same as the difference between second place pAssless Chaps and 15th place Cunning Stunts.  On the other end of the spectrum, we have six teams that are giving up more than 40 points per game, and Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers are actually giving up over 50.  While that doesn’t seem sustainable (do they have ANY stops this season on defense?) it’s still pretty amazing four weeks into the season. 


And the same as above, but for each division:



A few observations:

·         The top four D1 defenses are all within a touchdown of each other in points per game… and then Gryffindor is way behind.

·         End Game and Dilf’s are the only two teams in the League with losing records that are allowing less than 30 points per game.

·         D3 seems to have the most defensive parity from top to bottom, as the best defense (No Punt Intended) allows only 16.7 ppg less than the worst defense (3rd & Schlong).

·         We get why gender teams would score more points than co-ed teams, since gender TDs are worth more.  But there’s really no “gender rules” reason they should have the best defenses too – they’re just better athletes than the guys they play against.





That’s it for this week.  If you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your QB is STILL not shown in the Power Rankings even though we expanded to Twenty this week?  you want to know who’s ranked last?  too many data charts, not enough pie charts?), please send complaints to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.


What’s YOUR ranking?

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