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- Written by Patrick McGovern
- Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
- Published: 30 September 2021
- Created: 30 September 2021
- Hits: 3186
Hello and welcome back to your TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!
Last week had it all. You like explosive shootouts? Six teams cracked 50 points, and three of them broke the 60 point mark this week. Maybe dominant defense is more your thing? Six teams were held to a single score, one of which was completely shut-out. It was a hell of a week for good football... this is why we play the game.
The TSL QB Power Rankings Committee has the following for you this week:
- QB Power Rankings - we're up to a season high 30 QBs in our Rankings this week, so there's a DECENT chance your team is mentioned below!
- NFL Receiver Comparisons - last week we included Matty Ice's NFL comparisons for all the top QBs in the League; this week he looked at the TSL Male Receiver Rankings and added his NFL comparisons for some of those big names as well. They're awesome, so we're publishing them.
- Division Analysis - we're looking at every division and sorting "Favorites, Contenders and Pretenders" by point differential. Your team IS included on the graphs below, so take a look and see how you stack up against the rest of your division (and what that means for your playoff chances)
Enjoy!
Amazingly we have NO movement in the Top Twelve this week as the top guys either won, didn't play, or lost to great teams that really shouldn't hurt their Rankings (we don't change things just for the sake of changing things). There is a lot of movement on the rest of the Rankings though, so let's get to it:
#1 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #1)
Last Week: Beat Sticky Bandits 44-35
Everything we said last week is still true: Chris Cole and Public Enemy are still undefeated and still have the best offense (45.6 PPG) in the TSL. Remember when they were randomly just sort of mediocre on offense last season? Yeah, seems like a lifetime ago. Their biggest potential threat to reclaiming the D1 title this season is that their main rivals (Tight Ends in Motion and Eyes Downtown) have both allowed fewer points per game defensively. If P.E. goes down in the playoffs, it'll be in a shootout gone wrong.
#2 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #2)
Last Week: Beat Sticky Bandits 33-18
There are fifty teams in the League and Tight Ends in Motion is 26th in scoring. They are a "below average" offense, and they have the #2 ranked QB in the League! You can hate it all you want, but they're here because they keep winning - the only QB that's beaten Bro this year is the one that's ranked directly above him, and Tight Ends are on track to secure a first round bye in the playoffs for the second year in a row. Still, at this time last year we were publishing graphs that showed them winning by an average of 23.5 PPG, and this season that's down to 4.8 PPG. Cause for concern?
#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #3)
Last Week: Beat Losing Streak 63-6
Sixty three to six. Holy shit.
#4 Matty "Ice" Ditullio - A&A / The Angels - (Previous Rank #4)
Last Week: Beat Bullet Club 40-30 (A&A)
A win's a win and A&A stays undefeated, but maybe our expectations of Matty are too high that this week seems like a failure. No Angels games and a 10 point victory against a team still searching for its first win? Where's the headline here? Maybe Scotty was fired up after Matty compared him to Jameis Winston and that made the game closer than it could have been. Ah well. If not for winning a bunch of games in a day, Matty can still make headlines this week for his TSL vs NFL Receivers Comparison that we'll show below. He's already pissed off half the QBs in the League, might as well piss off the receivers too!
#5 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Victorious Secret - (Previous Rank #5)
Last Week: Lost to Eyes Downtown 63-6 (Losing Streak), beat Blitzkrieg twice 35-34 and 36-18 (Victorious Secret)
We won't dwell on the obvious disaster that was Losing Streak falling to Eyes Downtown by 57 points. The two teams played to a 6 point E.D. win earlier this season, so the gap between these squads isn't as big as it appeared on Saturday. But hey, Victorious Secret picked up a couple wins! Looks like they were both against Blitzkrieg, which is always annoying when you have to play a team twice in one day but happens occasionally in smaller divisions. The Victorious ladies are tied for the second best record in D6 right now so a championship doesn't appear out of reach for ONE of Jordan's teams.
#6 Seth Molisani - Slob Kabombs / Buffalo Vice - (Previous Rank #6)
Last Week: Did Not Play
No game for Slob Kabombs, no Seth for Buffalo Vice this week (they went 1-1 in his absence).
#7 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #7)
Last Week: Lost to Public Enemy 44-35, lost to Tight Ends in Motion 33-18
Another brutal doubleheader for Mike against the top two teams in the League and two more losses for Sticky Nation. It's amazing how these guys seem to be in every game, just to have their hearts broken in the end. If games were only 25 minutes long they might be like 4-2 right now instead of 1-5. If anyone has proven they can adjust and find that extra gear for playoffs it's the Sticky Bandits so an upset isn't out of the question... but three playoff upsets in a row to claim a D1 title? Betting odds will not be very high for that.
#8 Dylan Jaloza - TopShot - (Previous Rank #8)
Last Week: Did Not Play
No Dylan this week. His team won by one score with a sub QB.
#9 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless - (Previous Rank #9)
Last Week: Did Not Play
No Dylan this week. His team won by one score with a sub QB (okay, we just wanted to copy and paste that for two QBs in a row).
#10 Alex Buchlis - The Notorious BNB - (Previous Rank #10)
Last Week: Lost to XTC 37-22
There's no shame in losing to a Joey Batts led XTC, but losing star receiver Garrett Beesing to injury is not something Notorious BNB can afford right now. With TopShot coming up in this week's ladder match and Notorious BNB potentially without one of the best receivers in the League, Buchlis and team are going to have a hard time establishing momentum before the playoffs.
#11 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries - (Previous Rank #11)
Last Week: Lost to TopShot 39-34
When Dove Cries is clearly a very good team... but they're also clearly the fourth best team in their division, having lost close games now to A&A, Scared Hitless and TopShot. The glass half full here is that they're one score away from beating every team in their division. The glass half empty is that if Topper can't find a way to get it done now, what hope does he have in the playoffs? That arm's not getting any younger.
#12 Jeremy "Hogan" Olsen - Passed Our Prime - (Previous Rank #12)
Last Week: Lost to Scared Hitless 38-30
Passed Our Prime is 2-5 after forfeiting a game and losing another to Scared Hitless this week. They're also only -3 in point differential on the season (excluding that forfeit) and they haven't lost a game by more than 8. Topper and Hogan are possibly complete opposites in terms of arm strength, but When Dove Cries and Passed Our Prime are both in the same boat right now: good enough to beat anyone in their division, wouldn't want to play them in the first round, mayyyybe not consistent enough to threaten for a D2 championship.
#13 Jeremy Burr - The Untouchaballs - (Previous Rank #15)
Last Week: Beat 4th & Dong 29-22
Did anyone have the Jeremy Burr led Untouchaballs as 4-2 in Division 3 in their preseason predictions? If so, good call. Grey Hair - Don't Care have the most wins and Freeballers have the best win percentage, but Untouchaballs are right there with the leaders in D3 right now. Burr is, by all accounts, playing really well in his first season at QB. It probably helps having phenomenal female talent to throw to, but he's really taken to the position. Can we consider him a Bobby McConnell protege?
#14 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins - (Previous Rank #13)
Last Week: Did Not Play
Bad news with Garrett injuring his shoulder this week while playing receiver on his D2 team. We're leaving him in our Power Rankings for now until we see if it's anything serious that causes him to miss time, but if he's done for the year that's probably the end of Frodo Swaggins playoff hopes.
#15 Joey Batts - Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #17)
Last Week: Beat Itches and Ohs 61-52
Crazy that Joey scored 61 points and it was only the third best point total of the week. We DID say that the Stunts would rebound from that Zack Attack loss didn't we? Cunning Stunts are now one of three 1-loss teams in D4, and Joey also QBed for D2 XTC this week in their win against Notorious BNB. We took him out of our Top Ten at the beginning of this season when he stopped being a full-time QB in D1/D2/D3, but Joey will not be denied. Is this the highest a full time D4 QB has ever been ranked? We'd look into it, but that sounds exhausting.
#16 Travis Cleveanger - Breast Friends - (Previous Rank #19)
Last Week: Beat Today's Feast 62-26
Not to be outdone by Joey Batts and his 61 points, Travis goes out and scores 62 in a huge win against Today's Feast. Breast Friends are now the 2nd best offense in the League at 43.3 PPG, and they'd be #1 if we didn't remove Public Enemy's 21-0 forfeit win from our stats (but we never count forfeits). They're only 3-3 so they're definitely getting overlooked a bit when it comes to D4 contenders, but the point differentials say they're as good as just about anyone. Someone should show this in a graph... (spoiler alert: someone did! See graphs below)
#17 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #14)
Last Week: Did Not Play
Another day another XTC game without Dubey. His performances have been solid, his attendance, not as much.
#18 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care - (Previous Rank #18)
Last Week: Beat Last Dance 27-26, beat 4th & Dong 27-24
Grey Hair - Don't Care are only 8th in their division in scoring, but somehow they lead D3 in wins. Defense, luck, Molly Morgan, winning close games, whatever it is, their season has been an undeniable success so far. We weren't sure they had much of a chance of winning D3 a few weeks ago. Now we don't know... particularly if their kryptonite Frodo Swaggins is down a starting QB. Eickhoff has been in the thick of the D3 race for a while now - maybe's it's just his time to win it.
#19 Scott Drosendahl - Bullet Club / 4th & Dong - (Previous Rank #16)
Last Week: Lost to A&A 40-30 (Bullet Club), lost to Untouchaballs 27-22, lost to Grey Hair - Don't Care 27-24 (4th & Dong)
4th & Dong were undefeated world beaters just a couple weeks ago and now they're tied for sixth place? What in the name of Scotty Ballgame is happening here? It's been a rough couple of weeks for Mr Dro. Perhaps seeing his hero/mentor Garrett Beesing go down with injury this week just sapped Scotty's will to win. Whatever the reason, 4th & Dong will look to bounce back against Freeballers this week, and Bullet Club will... well, they'll play A&A for the second week in a row and hope for a better outcome.
#20 Brian Orzechowski - Vaspian - (Previous Rank #22)
Last Week: Beat Buffalo Vice 40-6, beat Falconies 14-9
The undefeated Brian O continues to lift Vaspian from D3 afterthought to D4 juggernaught. We hate to do the whole "Vaspian's stats would look even better if we throw out the game Brian didn't play" thing (since we have no idea which QBs have showed up for which games for other teams) but yeah, Vaspian would be undefeated and the best point differential in their Division if we tossed out their first game that Brian missed. These guys were contenders a couple weeks ago. Now they're favorites.
#21 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone - (Previous Rank #20)
Last Week: Lost to Freeballers 54-35
Doesn't it feel like forever since Cobblestone last played a game? We missed them. Freeballers is rolling right now (we don't rank their QBs because it's seemingly someone different every week) but Cobblestone is sitting right at .500 too after moving up a division. Great hair can't be stopped apparently. We don't think we'll see a Cinderella run to the D3 championship from Cobblestone this season, but we can dream.
#22 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs - (Previous Rank #21)
Last Week: Lost to Cunning Stunts 61-52
Itches and Ohs couldn't keep up with Joey Batts this week, but there's no shame in losing 61-52 to Cunning Stunts, they're some of the most talented women (and a TSL Villain of the Year) in the League. At least, there's no shame for Steve's QBing... the Itches and Ohs defense is now 6th worst in the League, so they should probably work on that.
#23 Brandon "B" Ford - (Previous Rank #24)
Last Week: Beat Zack Attack 38-25
Just when it looked like Practice Squad would never win another game (okay that's an exaggeration) B and team came through with a big W over Zack Attack. Practice Squad might not make a deep playoff run (they might not MAKE the playoffs, as they're currently tied for 7th in a division of 12 teams) but they're not going down easy. All they need is B to deliver one of those Tim Tebow "we got thirty minutes for the rest of our lives" speeches to fire up the troops and then they'll be unstoppable.
#24 Joe Miano - Falconies - (Previous Rank #23)
Last Week: Lost to Vaspian 14-9
Only nine points from Joey Football? Yikes. We know Vaspian is (suddenly) good and all but something about this squad hasn't exactly "clicked" so far this season. They've scored 30 points only once since opening day, and that was in a losing effort to Titsburgh Feelers (Titsburgh's ONLY win of the season). They have one of best QBs in the division, so what's happening here? Does anyone have any insight?
#25 Nick Hawes - Spinelli's Plumbing - (Previous Rank #26)
Last Week: Beat Not So Sticky 36-16
Okay Nick, we see you. Spinelli's is third in the LEAGUE in scoring right now at 41.4 PPG. They don't get a lot of love from our rankings because they're playing in D5 (Nick is the highest rated D5 QB in case you're wondering) but they're the real deal and they play like pros (well not PRO pros, but like, a bar league football team that's been doing this for a while). They were the best team in D6 last session. They're the best team in D5 this session. Barring a collapse, we expect they'll be at least CONTENDERS in D4 next session.
#26 Zack Elphick - Zack Attack - (Previous Rank #25)
Last Week: Lost to Practice Squad 38-25
Zack Attack loses to Practice Squad and Zack Elphick drops one spot in our Power Rankings this week. Maybe this was a trap game for them after crushing undefeated Cunning Stunts last week? Whatever the reason, "the Attack" (no one calls them that) is now 3-4 and clinging to that final D4 playoff spot. We think they'll make it. Hey, if they get the 8th seed and Stunts earn the #1, that's got all the makings of a first round upset right?
#27 TJ Ferguson - Puckett All-Stars - (Previous Rank #29)
Last Week: Beat Titsburgh Feelers 42-12
Puckett All-Stars! Remember how good these guys were last season? Topper insisted they were the team to beat in D5, and then, well, they didn't win. But apparently they picked up some All We Do is Quinn people, moved up to D4 anyway, and results have been... underwhelming. Their only two wins so far are against Vaspian's backup QB and the Mike Boccio edition Titsburgh Feelers, so they haven't beaten a "real" QB yet. Which is crazy, because they're REALLY a pretty good team (They do have a positive point differential, despite their record).
#28 Paul Lovullo - Come From Behind - (Previous Rank #31)
Last Week: Beat Not So Sticky 36-6, beat Woodpeckers 38-26
Paul "the Rocket Launcher" Lovullo (if his arm has a nickname already, someone from Come From Behind please email us and let us know) has pushed his team into third place in D5 and probably bruised ALL of his receivers hands along the way. CFB is second in their division in offense AND defense AND total point differential. Spinelli's and Come From Behind are destined to meet in the D5 finals right? It's sad that upsets nearly always rob us of the Finals we want to watch the most.
#29 John Langley - Travis Henry's Kids - (Previous Rank #32)
Last Week: Lenny's Ladies 52-35
Travis Henry's Kids are 4th in the TSL in scoring (41.4 PPG) and John is the highest ranked exclusive QB in D6, surprising exactly no one in that division. These guys are really good! Why don't they have a better recor... oh, it's their 4th LAST in the League defense that's holding them back. It always amazes us when we run into teams like Passed Our Prime or Losing Streak or Travis Henry's Kids. If you've got great enough athletes to score, shouldn't they be great enough to play both sides?
#30 Kelly Kane - GUCCI - (Previous Rank #30)
Last Week: Lost to Buffalo Vice 40-16
With respect to Sam "Icebox" Lattuca, Kelly Kane becomes our first full-time female QB in the history of our Power Rankings this week. GUCCI hasn't lit the world on fire in D4 this session, but remember the pass rush is faster in this League than where GUCCI came from, and it always takes some time to adjust to receivers having less time to run their routes. D5 might have been an easier starting point for this team (D4 is brutally competitive this season even moreso than last) but Kelly is a great athlete and GUCCI will be fine.
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NFL Receiver Comparisons
Full disclosure: The following was not written by the TSL QB Power Rankings Committee, it was submitted by Matty Ice in response to our Male Receiver Rankings a couple weeks ago. For those who didn't listen to it (and shame on you for that) Matty spoke on the TSL podcast recently about our QB rankings and compared some of the top guys to their NFL equivalents. This week he submitted the same about our top male receivers, so we're going to publish his thoughts (verbatim) below:
- Kevin Zack=Cole Beasely - Kevin is timeless. Kevin specializes in YAC. He is the last guy you want to see in front of you in the open field if you are on defense. The guy has more moves than a can of worms. He isn’t a deep streak down the field guy but, he can take a two yard check down to the house with ease.
- Garrett Beesing= Cooper Kupp - Cooper and Garrett are both great route runners. Garrett always seems to make himself available at the clutch moments. There may not be a better deep out route runner in the league. Garrett has the self-proclaimed best hands in the league and he isn’t far off.
- Todd Halas=Darren Waller - Here we go the guy no one hears from but continues to make plays each and every game. Todd is big strong and has hands like glue. When his QB is in need of a big play all he needs to do is throw it Todd’s direction and give him a shot. This is Carr’s strategy, this is Dro’s strategy. Easy match here.
- Pauly J=Michael Thomas - Yes, both of these guys still play, yes both are still very very good. Michael Thomas wasn’t made by Drew Brees and Pauly wasn’t made by Cole. Pauly has been in the league as long as anyone and from his first game until now he is still a threat. Paul isn’t the speedster he used to be but man this guy still gets open.
- Dave Baker=Larry Fitzgerlad - Daddy Dave is probably the only person 10 years older then his NFL comparison, but don’t let that fool you. This guy is an animal. Dave like Larry, is never afraid to put his body on the line or do what needs to be done to win. Most importantly every one agrees Larry is a pros pro, and everyone in the TSL can agree Daddy Dave is a guy you want on your team!
- Ralph Finney= Stephon Diggs - Can you DIGGS it? Ralph sure can. This guy can flat out play. Doesn’t matter what team or who is throwing him the ball. Diggs isn’t the 6 foot 5 or a 4.2 speed guy but he plays bigger and faster than he looks, Ralph does the same. Ralph like Diggs can take the top off and run the drag routes turning them into big gains.
- Keyon Elias=Jarvis Landry - Landry has led the NFL in catches in the past and has the most receptions by a player through six seasons. He is strong, he has speed, he is physical, and he can make the highlight reel catches. This to me screams Keyon. This guy is a QB’s dream, he bumps defenders off him to create space and if the space isn’t there, he is a great 50/50 guy.
- Drew Colosimo=Justin Jefferson - First off Drew CANNOT dance like Jefferson but there play style is similar. Jefferson is a play maker and so is Drew. Kirk and Topper both love to have the option to throw it far down the middle of the field and let their guys go get it. They both find the end zone a lot and there QB’s number one option.
- Sean Weisensal=D Hopkins - Alright, this guy right here is “Mr. Go Up & Get It”. We as Bills fans all remember the catch D Hop made on the Hail Murray. Sean made on of these to end the half this week, I was lucky enough to see it and to be honest it was DOPE. He makes the routine catches, he makes the low catches, and he high points the ball better then anyone in the league. Left hand, right hand, two hands if the ball is in his catch radius, he is more then likely to bring it in.
- Derek B= Julio Jones - This is an easy comparison for me. Both these are both big, strong, fast, and love catching the deep ball. There quarterbacks love using them to take the top off the defense and just air it out down the field. When the ball is in the air Derek has a knack of tracking it extremely well and reeling it in.
- Chris Nelson=Davante Adams - You want excitement? You want the total package? Well, here it is. Chris is one of those guys that doesn’t look like he is running hard but is blowing by you at the same time. The game looks easy to this kid. He knows where to be, when to be there and he can make every single catch in the book. There is not a route Chris can’t run comfortably and when the game is on the line that’s where the ball is going. The offense knows it, the defense knows it and you still cant stop it.
- Mike Boccio= Julian Edelman - Easy pick here. First off, they both think they can play quarterback at the highest level. They are just hoping there coach gives them a chance to throw it on a reverse or something but it rarely happens. Stay in your lane kids. Second, most fans think both of them are cheaters which is fair. They are both super intense and will push off until the refs call it. Now that the obvious is over, time for a more serious take on this comp. They both can run all the routes; they both are physical and play with a passion. When Brady needed a big completion to move the sticks, he went to Edelman, Cole does the same. They both have made insane catches in the biggest game. Last but kind of least, both wil be hall of famers against most peoples liking.
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Division Analysis
Our long-time readers know that we like to include charts and graphs at the end of our Power Rankings showing how our teams stack up against each other. The most efficient way to look at the WHOLE picture of team performance (strength of schedule and attendance quirks aside) is average point differential per game. In other words, by how many points are you winning (or losing) games by on average?
Using this data, we're going to assign each team into one of the following categories:
- Favorites - there can be more than one "favorite" in a division, but these are teams that no one would really be surprised if they won their division championship. So Tight Ends in Motion for example might not be THE favorite to win D1, but they are certainly ONE of the favorites.
- Contenders - these are teams that have the potential to surprise the TSL Universe and win some playoff games... but it's hard to imagine them actually winning three in a row to take home a championship
- Pretenders - these are teams that we would be shocked to see win the championship, much less make it to a championship game.
What's interesting is that when we've done this in years past, we've noticed that there's sort of a natural cut-off in the graphs, and that teams with 6.0+ average point differentials tend to be favorites, and teams with -6.0 or less average point differentials tend to fall into the pretenders category. We don't ALWAYS find that to be the case, but generally speaking the rule of thumb kind of works, so that's how we're going to label them on our graphs below (with our own biased commentary on whether we agree or disagree with the classifications for each division).
Green is "favorite", yellow is "contender", and red is "pretender". And if you're wondering if these classifications are at ALL accurate for predicting playoff success, let's look at last seasons Champs:
- D1 - Tight Ends in Motion: Favorite (in fact they were our #1 choice for D1 based on their point differentials)
- D2 - Losing Streak: Favorite (#1 point differential)
- D3 - All We Do is Quinn: Contender (and they were actually SIXTH in their division in point differential... the math got this one wrong!)
- D4 - Freeballers: Favorite (ranked #3 in their division in our math, but STILL a favorite with a +8.1 average point differential)
- D5 - Zack Attack: Contender (ranked #3 in their division in point differential, just below the 6.0 PPG cut-off)
- D6 - Spinelli's Plumbing: Favorite (#1 point differential)
So point differentials aren't a perfect indicator of post-season success of course, but four out of six divisions were won by favorites, two of out of six by contenders, and NONE of the pretenders went on to win a title.
Enjoy!
Tight Ends in Motion is a Contender and not a Favorite? No argument with the classification of most of these, but we think there's a good portion of the TSL that would view TEIM as being a step ahead of Eyes Downtown in the D1 race. The numbers say otherwise (although they may be slightly biased by the 63-6 beatdown Eyes Downtown just put on Losing Streak).
TopShot isn't a favorite but When Dove Cries is? That's the only minor surprise here. The graph shows a huge drop-off after the Top Four, and we tend to agree - barring an upset, those will be the teams in the D2 Semi-Finals this season.
We're surprised to see the Angels as high as they are, but maybe we shouldn't be (when they win, they tend to win big). Grey Hair - Don't Care is on top of the standings, but they're only a middle of the pack contender according to the numbers. And Last Dance are 2-4 and they're the second best point differential per game in the Division?? D3 is really hard to get a handle on.
The biggest visual standout of course is Titsburgh Feelers setting records for futility (they lost by 30 under Boccio, so apparently he's only made them worse...) but otherwise we actually agree with the favorites. Stunts, Vice, Breast Friends and Vaspian are the top teams (though we may argue about the exact order) and then there's a bit of a drop-off between them and the next set of teams.
Spinelli's and Come From Behind deserve to be favorites, sure. Wasted Potential and 716 seem like they're not THAT far back, but the math says the gap is bigger than we would have thought. TOX is pushing Titsburgh Feelers for worst point differential in the League. Bold prediction: they don't win D5.
The most interesting thing about this graph is the scale on the lefthand side. Look how tight it is! The best team is +6.2, the worst team is only -4.1. There are no pretenders in D6, just a tight division where anyone in theory could win (but TMA probably will).
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And that's it for this week! As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher? Matty lost credibility when he compared himself to Aaron Rodgers and you want no more of his shenanigans? graphs remind you of high school math class and you hate us for reminding you of that?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!
What’s YOUR ranking?