Login Form

Weather

 

 

Hello and welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  

 

We've expanded our coverage of the best passers in the League to a Top Twenty this week, so if you thought you JUST missed the cut with our Top Fifteen last week... well, we hope you aren't too disappointed when you didn't make the Top Twenty either.  Enjoy!

 

 

#1 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 30-29 (Legends), beat Pucket All Stars 45-44 (Cunning Stunts)

Always a bridesmaid, never a bride... until now.  After a record 31 weeks in the Top Ten without cracking the #1 spot, the apocalypse is finally upon us: Joey Batts is the best quarterback in the TSL.  Undefeated in D1 with a two-game lead over every other team, undefeated in D4 with the Stunts... is there anything (besides humility) that Joey can't do?  Critics will point out he's still the lowest scoring QB in the top division, which is true.  But at some point winning has to matter, and a combined 6-0 start is impossible to ignore.

 

#2 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week:  Lost to Legends 30-29

Whatever you thought of the "Mike vs Joey" debate last week, you probably haven't changed your mind this week.  If you thought Thomas deserved to be #1 last week for being the highest scoring QB in D1, well, he still is, by a good amount (there's a graph at the end of this article if you want a visual).  And if you thought Thomas didn't deserve to be #1 because he couldn't beat Legends, well, he didn't, falling one play short of what most would have considered an upset win.

 

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week:  Beat Tight Ends in Motion 36-34

The "losing streak" (if two games can be considered a streak) is over for Eyes Downtown as Bobby led the team to their first win of the young season over a skeleton crew of Tight Ends in Motion players.  Rumors of frustration within the team had been heard throughout the League but hopefully a W puts Eyes Downtown back on track as D1 begins their next lap around the tiny division's schedule.  

 

#4 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week:  Beat the Notorious BNB 41-28

There were two undefeated teams in D2 coming into this week, and now there is one.  Dylan Day, who we left out of our Top Ten entirely the first week of this season, is not the highest scoring QB in his division, but he's not far off either.  Remember when we didn't think these guys would beat All We Do is Qwinn a couple sessions ago?  They're beating everyone now.  If they ever find another Jaimie Warren cousin to throw out there, we might as well just hand them the D2 title.

 

#5 Alex Buchlis - The Notorious BNB

Last Week:  Lost to Scared Hitless 41-28

The Notorious BNB have played two of the top teams in their division to start the season, beating Passed Our Prime and losing to Scared Hitless.  They're second in the D2 standings, but their point differential of +3 is only fifth in their division right now.  Buchlis is putting up the points we would expect, but he's not getting much help from his defense this season (definitely Dave Baker's fault).  

 

#6 Jeremy "Hogan" Olson - Passed Our Prime

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game this week for Hogan outside of Breakfast Club.  Passed Our Prime currently leads D2 in scoring at 39.0 PPG.

 

#7 Seth Molisani - Tight Ends in Motion / Buffalo Vice

Last Week:  Did Not Play

Seth is easily the most talented quarterback to have not won a game yet this season.  What's that saying, "the most important ability is availability"?  TEIM and Vice need their QB to show up!

 

#8 Brandt Dubey - DILFS

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for DILFS this week.  How many people on DILFS are actually dads anyway?  And are we even sure we know what DILFS stands for?  Is it possible it's just short for "Dirty Interdimensional Lightning Falcons"?

 

#9 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week:  Beat Frodo Swaggins 35-28, beat Sleezin Szn 38-25

Untouchaballs are undefeated and the highest scoring team in D3.  Who else did you think was going to be the highest ranked QB in the division? (Okay, Seth doesn't count.)  This week will be the big showdown against also undefeated 4th & Something.  If Burr can lead the 'Balls (is anyone calling them that?) to a win, the race for the #1 seed might be all but locked up, as the combined record of the opponents they'll have left to face this season is just 1-5. 

 

#10 Scott Drosendahl - 4th & Something

Last Week:  Beat Itches & Ohs 49-32

49 points and a return to the Top Ten.  Not a bad week for Scotty Dro.  4th & Dong was a 7th place team last session, so why is 4th & Something so much better?  Is a "something" better than a dong??  We miss the days when Scotty would send us emails explaining his greatness to us.  Why has he not written for our website yet?

 

#11 Dylan Jaloza - Bullet Club / Freeballers

Last Week:  Lost to When Dove Cries 30-13 (Bullet Club); did not play for Freeballers

Dylan Jaloza was missing many of his weapons on Bullet Club this past week and dropped a game to When Dove Cries.  We tend to blame the team instead of the quarterback in this case: Going back to the start of 2021 (pre-Dylan), Bullet Club is 3-18 in the regular season, and might want to think about a drop to D3 next session if they can't get more consistency with attendance.

 

#12 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins

Last Week:  Lost to Untouchaballs 35-28, lost to Itches & Ohs 42-41

If you're looking for an exciting game to watch next week, it seems like every Frodo Swaggins game this year comes down to the bitter end.  Garrett Beesing has Swaggins sitting at 2-2 right now with a +0 point differential on the season... and they would be 4-0 if they could just play some defense at some point.  Tough to win when you've given up 35, 42 and 43 points in your last three games.

 

#13 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care

Last Week:  Did Not Play

Grey Hair has the week off, and continues to wait for their first W of the 2022 Spring season.

 

#14 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs

Last Week:  Lost to 4th & Something 49-32, beat Frodo Swaggins 42-41

The masked ninja went 1-1 in his doubleheader on Saturday, beating Frodo Swaggins by a point and losing to 4th & Something by 17.  It's the same story as last season: Itches seems to about break even on point differential, both scoring and giving up huge amounts of points every game (the "Passed Our Prime" of D3 you might say).

 

#15 Nick Hawes - Spinelli's Plumbing

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for Spinelli's Plumbing this week, but it's the first time we've included Nick in our rankings this season so we should point out he is throwing for THE highest scoring team in the League at 54.0 PPG, a mile ahead of the next best team.  Also worth noting: the QBs of the only other two teams that are scoring more than 40 PPG (see our graph below) are currently #1 and #2 in our Power Rankings.  Doesn't seem fair that Nick is only #15, right?

 

#16 Matt Newman - Sleezin Szn

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No Newman at the fields this week.  You can copy and paste Seth Molisani's blurb from above and it basically works for Newman too.

 

#17 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad

Last Week:  Beat Can't Touch This 22-6

Remember when everyone on Practice Squad was injured last season and they were terrible?  Yeah, we barely remember that either.  B has the Squad off to a 3-0 start, and THIS is the type of team we expect out of these guys.  It looks like there will be four teams that are a cut above the rest in D4, and none of them have played each other yet.  Bound to happen soon, and that'll separate the contenders from the pretenders.

 

#18 TJ Ferguson - Puckett All-Stars

Last Week:  Lost to Cunning Stunts 45-44

93% of other teams that have scored 44 points in a game this season have won that game.  On Saturday, Puckett did not.  In fact they've lost their last two games by a total of three points, which must be heartbreaking.  They'll make the playoffs (TJ and company are too good not to, even in a division with 12 teams) but they won't go very far if they can't close out the big games.

 

#19 Jeff Jenkins - XMD

Last Week:  Beat Today's Feast 42-20

Cunning Stunts and Spinelli's are scoring tons of points right now, but the next best offense in this division currently belongs to XMD.  Jeff Jenkins has won a million games in this league before with DMX... and now he has one with XMD.  Today's Feast isn't exactly the strongest signature win, but hey, you've got to start somewhere.

 

#20 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone

Last Week:  Beat TMA 30-22, beat Come From Behind 40-6

Last session Darryl had a D5 roster masquerading as a D3 team, and this session he has a D3 roster masquerading as a D5 team.  No surprise, he seems to be having a lot more fun this session.  Cobblestone is STACKED with talent and they're the only remaining undefeated team in their division.  It's been a while since we've seen these guys in a championship game... feels like this is the season it happens.  

 

***

We've said many, many times in this article already that we didn't want to show team performance charts yet because it's way too early in the season for that stuff to have any meaning.  And that's true.  But screw it, here's a "way too early to mean anything" chart for you on each team's points per game (sorted by division).  And we added the Super Bowl era Buffalo Bills at the bottom as a comparison so you can see how much better (or worse) you are.  As always, forfeit games are excluded from the numbers below.

 

 

***

Just a reminder that our Non-QB rankings start NEXT WEEK with the "Best Teams of All-Time in the League".  Did Titsburgh Feelers make the cut?  Probably not!

If you have any feedback on the categories below, especially this week's, shoot us an email and let us know.  If you do it before the rankings come out, maybe we'll listen to your advice.  Or you can just complain on Facebook when you don't like how our staff ranked you, your call!

  • May 12: Best Teams All-Time in the League
  • May 19: Best Female Players in the League
  • May 26: Best Male Players (Non-QB) in the League
  • June 2: Division All-Star Teams Announced
  • June 9: Most Likely TSL Hall of Famers

 

***

 

That's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you're already fuming at your team's exclusion from next week's Best Teams of All Time list?  you want us to rank something else like Best Looking Female Players or Biggest Loudmouths?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..    Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

twitter share
© 2022 Topper Sports
Joomla Templates by JoomZilla.com
Back to Top