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Hello and welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  

 

We always hate that these early season articles can't feature those "best offense / best defense" graphics you KNOW we love so much, because we're not deep enough into the session for those numbers to have any meaning yet.  But we DO have another long overdue treat for you this week instead!  Remember a million years ago when we were supposed to have our Fall banquet but COVID regulations forced us to cancel?  Well, we never got to hand out our awards from that session, which was a real bummer.  Instead, in the most anti-climactic way possible, we're just going to announce them here at the end of this week's QB Power Rankings article.  Congrats to all the winners below!

 

You're probably already scrolling to the bottom to see if you won anything so we forgive you if you're not reading this anymore, but we ARE a Quarterbacks Power Ranking article, and we're going to start with that first.  Here are your Top Fifteen QBs in the League after two weeks:

 

 

#1 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week:  Beat Eyes Downtown 54-46

Hell has frozen over if the QB for our annual "Best at Bar" team is now #1 in the QB Rankings.  How could this happen?  Well, there were only two obvious candidates between Mike and Joey Batts, the ONLY starting QBs in D1 to have won a game so far this season (backup Andy Smigiera does not count).  Joey is undefeated, and Mike is not.  However the Sticky Bandits and Legends have played the exact same opponents, and Mike has scored over 40% more points than Joey (96 to 68).  The Sticky Bandits have allegedly scored a touchdown on every possession this year with a lineup that is, no disrespect intended, not as scary as Legends'.  Mike Thomas earns the #1 spot... at least until he plays Joey Batts this week.

 

#2 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week:  Beat Tight Ends in Motion 31-20 (Legends), beat Can't Touch This 52-14 (Stunts)

Imagine moving up to D1 and beating two former D1 champion teams to become the only undefeated QB in the division after two weeks... AND starting the season undefeated with your gender team in D4... and STILL not earning the #1 spot in the Power Rankings??  Are we punishing Joey for not running up the score more in games Legends had easily won?  It kind of feels like it.  Eventually all the winning will be impossible to ignore, and your former TSL Villain of the Year will be on top of the world (at least, the world of Co-Ed Touch Football Quarterback Power Rankings).  If Joey beats the Sticky Bandits this week, there's no way to keep him out of the top spot.  God help us all.

 

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week:  Lost to Sticky Bandits 54-46

Easily the most accomplished QB active in the TSL today started his season a somewhat shocking 0-2.  Scoring 46 points in a losing effort last week suggests the problem wasn't on the offensive side, but it's going to be harder and harder to win this incredibly competitive division if Bobby doesn't get a little more help from his defense.  And winning the division is, we're certain, all he cares about at this point as he tries to cement his legacy as an all-time great.  Unfortunately there are no easy opponents in D1 (Eyes Downtown debatably just lost to the easiest) so Bobby's next chance to get a win comes across an incredibly talented Tight Ends in Motion squad.  When was the last time Eyes Downtown lost three in a row?

 

#4 Alex Buchlis - The Notorious BNB

Last Week:  Beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 38-31

The Notorious BNB are the highest scoring team in D2 at 41.5 PPG, one of two undefeated teams remaining in that division, and they seem to have shaken off whatever was holding them back last session.  Adding a few new receivers probably helped, although the core of the team looks about the same.  Alex is "notorious" (have we made that joke before?) for his smart style of football and dissecting other teams' defenses, but he'll still bust out an athletic play or two a game just to show you that he's not JUST brains.

 

#5 Seth Molisani - Tight Ends in Motion / Buffalo Vice

Last Week:  Lost to Legends 31-20 (TEIM), lost to 4th & Something 37-34 (Buffalo Vice)

Tight Ends in Motion and Buffalo Vice both fall to 0-1 with Seth as their starting QB this year after he missed the first week of the season.  This feels like more like a blip than a trend as Seth was crushing it over the TSL winter session (which he won) just a couple months ago.  Both teams are stacked with talent so we fully expect him to turn it around quickly and maybe even challenge for the #1 spot in these Rankings sooner rather than later.  Either that, or his teams will mutiny and turn to Andy or Frank to salvage their seasons!

 

#6 Jeremy "Hogan" Olson - Passed Our Prime

Last Week:  Beat When Dove Cries 32-25, beat Bullet Club 49-36

Alex Buchlis is SUCH a great quarterback, can't we just use this space to talk more about how great he is?  Oh fine, we should probably mention Hogan in our article this week, since he scored 81 points in a pair of D2 wins.  With a full squad behind him, there might not be a more dangerous QB in the League.  Unfortunately he's a lot better at throwing a football than he is finding reliable teammates, so "full strength" weeks like this are rare.  Enjoy your great teammates while you can Hogan, because you're damn near invincible when your people actually show up!

 

#7 Brandt Dubey - DILFS

Last Week:  Lost to Scared Hitless 31-20

DILFS are a real wild card to us.  They're capable of beating any team in their division, and capable of losing also.  Not that Scared Hitless is just "any team", but we assumed DILFS would take this one given how well they played in Week One.  Shame on us.  Dubey is still Dubey, so we'll never count them out, but do they have the consistency to rattle off a few wins in a row when the playoffs come around?  We'll see.

 

#8 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week:  Beat DILFS 31-20

Somehow Dylan Day wasn't ranked in our Top Ten last week, which really calls into question the credibility of our Committee.  We wouldn't blame you if you stopped reading immediately.  Of COURSE he's always a Top Ten QB, which he proved this week with a big win over the veterans of DILFS.  Scared Hitless is one of two undefeated teams remaining in D2, and they have skill, the girls, and most importantly the QB to go the distance.  Who were the only two teams better than Scared Hitless in their division last season?  A&A and TopShot, both of whom are gone.  Maybe it's Hitless's time.  

 

#9 Dylan Jaloza - Bullet Club / Freeballers

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No Dylan at the fields this week.  It sounds like Tommy Hughes did pretty damn well for Bullet Club in his absence though.  Dylan is great, but he's started exactly as many games for Bullet Club as Tommy has, so you wonder how much loyalty they'll have to their new QB if Dylan struggles next week against When Dove Cries...

 

#10 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins

Last Week:  Beat Sleezin Szn 44-43

Two last minute wins for Frodo Swaggins to start this season have them sitting pretty at 2-0 and Garrett is currently ranked as the top QB playing exclusively in D3.  For all his talk of becoming an old, out-of-shape sack of shit (his words, we're guessing) Garrett still plays like a young man out there when the game is on the line.  Can he pull two more W's out of his ass next week against Untouchaballs and Itches & Ohs?  We suspect he'll bring his "A" game against Burr and Moser.

 

#11 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week:  Beat Itches and Ohs 40-32

Untouchaballs are only one game into their season, but how much better can you start than 1-0 and leading your division's scoring at 40 PPG?  Last season Burr led his team to a 6-3 record, tied for second in the division with the Angels, right behind Grey Hair - Don't Care.  What do those other two teams have in common?  Neither are competing in D3 this session.  Maybe we should be talking about Untouchaballs as the early favorite to win this division?

 

#12 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care

Last Week:  Lost to the Notorious BNB 38-31

So it's not the start that Eickhoff was hoping for, but 0-2 isn't the end of the world.  DILFS and Notorious BNB are a rough start to the schedule, so the winless record isn't a total shocker.  Of course D2 doesn't really have any "bad" teams, so we're not sure it'll get much easier as they go.  Grey Hair is currently the lowest scoring team in D2 at 22.5 PPG.  They'll get better.  They have to, if they don't want the season to get away from them.

 

#13 Matt Newman - Sleezin Szn

Last Week:  Lost to Frodo Swaggins 44-43

If you score 43 points, you should win your game.  Teams that have scored 43+ points in a game this season are off to a 9-2 record, with the only losses being Sleezin Szn and Eyes Downtown.  We know it's not Newman's fault, and we don't TRY to hold it against him in the Power Rankings that he's 0-1, but... if he were 1-0, we probably WOULD have him ranked a couple spots higher, right?

 

#14 Scott Drosendahl - 4th & Something

Last Week:  Beat Buffalo Vice 37-34

4th & Something, The Scotty Dro Show, The Keller Family Extravaganza, is off to a fantastic start this season.  Maybe we're misremembering this, but didn't they have a great start last season before falling back to a .500 record eventually?  Scotty's been working out though, saying his prayers, taking his vitamins, and this time maybe 4th & Something will keep it going and take advantage of a higher seeding in the playoffs.  The Kellers are wonderful people, Scotty won't want to let them down.

 

#15 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs

Last Week:  Lost to Untouchaballs 40-32

Itches and Ohs was statistically a mediocre team last session in D4, with the sixth best point differential per game in the regular season.  And then they won the whole damn thing in the playoffs behind an offensive attack that never let up.  We weren't sure how that was going to translate in D3, but so far the results are positive.  They beat Buffalo Vice last week (another up-jumped D4 team, but still a quality win) and nearly stole a W from Untouchaballs this week.  We think they'll be a tough out this year for most teams in D3.  Steve can play, and his sisters are as good as anyone.

 

One of the things we enjoy most about Power Ranking your quarterbacks every week is giving a little publicity to newer players the League doesn't quite know yet.  Sure, it's often the same names towards the top of the list, but the deeper we go in the Rankings, the more likely we are to talk about some guys you've maybe never heard of.  We always start each season by showing a Top Ten (which rarely includes anyone new) but expand throughout the season as we get to know some of the newer QBs who are often playing in lower divisions.  Problem is, it's tough to write about these guys until we figure out who they are!  Who is quarterbacking for Varsity Has Beens?  Or Can't Touch This?  Is the XMD quarterback the same guy who used to QB for DMX?  What about Today's Feast, or Red Zone Mafia, or Passing While Intoxicated?  We can't write about you if we don't know about you.  Oh, we'll figure it out eventually on our own if you play well, the QB Committee has eyes everywhere.  But if you want recognition sooner, shoot us an email at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and tell us about your QB.  Or don't, and read about Joey Batts every week instead (he's pretty great... just ask him, he'll tell you!)

 

***

 

2021 Fall Session Awards Winners

 

We're not sure how relevant this is anymore six months later (and two weeks into our next season!) but here are the Awards winners for last Fall session.  If we had had a banquet, you might have won a cool looking trophy or medal for one of our many awards categories.  Now all you get is your name on our website, and a complimentary drink from Topper at the fields this week (individual award winners only; Topper is not buying drinks for your whole team if you won a group award).  So if you've won something, make sure you find the man in charge at the bar this week!

 

For each category below we'll show the winner at the top, with the other finalists (who were announced a few months back during our winter session) listed underneath.  The other finalists are just in alphabetical order, this isn't a ranking of 2nd place, 3rd place etc.  The awards were voted on by our panel of experts as well as write-ins from team captains around the League (all captains were given the option to weigh in).  Sorry if we spelled your name wrong.

 

Better late than never, as they say.  Here we go!

 

D1 Male MVP

Mike Boccio - Winner

Chris Nelson 

Andy Smigiera

 

D1 Female MVP

Robin Makula - Winner

Emily Belfield

Emily Curry

 

D1 QB of the Year

Chris Cole - Winner

David "Bro" Kleckler

Bobby McConnell

 

D2 Male MVP

Sean Weisansal - Winner

Travis Cleavenger

Johnny Yioulos

 

D2 Female MVP

Melanie Linsmair - Winner

Casey Lawler

Jaimie Warren

 

D2 QB of the Year

Matty Ice - Winner

Dylan Day

Dylan Jaloza

Jeremy "Hogan" Olson

 

D3 Male MVP

Anthony Bargnesi - Winner

Jon Von

Nick Voss

 

D3 Female MVP

Maddie Norton - Winner

Rachel Parker

Emily Schilling

 

D3 QB of the Year

David Eickhoff - Winner

Garrett Beesing

Jeremy Burr

 

D4 Male MVP

Jeremy Streit - Winner

Dan Gonzalez

Craig Mikida

 

D4 Female MVP

Caitlyn Mason - Winner

Renee Lantz

Heather Simano

 

D4 QB of the Year

Steve Moser - Winner

TJ Ferguson

Brian Orzechowski

 

D5 Male MVP

Ryan Rusin - Winner

Ricky Booth

Ethan Ciemny

 

D5 Female MVP

Katie Swanson - Winner

Britney Matthews

Ellory Roberts

 

D5 QB of the Year

Nick Hawes - Winner

Paul Lovullo

Derek Pew

 

D6 Male MVP

Ron Webber - Winner

Nick Smith

Pete Walbrandt

 

D6 Female MVP

Mackenzie Neary - Winner

McKenzie Klun

Val Testa

 

D6 QB of the Year

John Langley - Winner

Ryan Henry

Steve Miller

 

Most Underrated Male

Adrian Cannon - Winner

Glenn Bird

Devin Linder

Joe Robison

Nick Smith

 

Most Underrated Female

Britney Matthews - Winner

Amy Denning

Amber Hay

Meg McInerney

Emma Patterson

 

Most Beloved Male

Dave Walter - Winner

Jay Jaskier

Tony Sanchez

Paul Scinta

Eric Stegmeier

 

Most Beloved Female

Val Cleavenger - Winner

Diana Bernal

Trish Esposito

Dorene Major

Lauren O'Brien

 

Best Defender (Male)

Greg Osika - Winner

Travis Cleavenger

Eric Delecki

Ralph Finney

Sean Weisansal

 

Best Defender (Female)

Jaimie Warren - Winner

Brandy Clarke

Emily Curry

Katie Keller

Christine Krol

 

Most Dedicated Male

Travis Cleavenger - Winner

Garrett Beesing

Tommy Hughes

Jay Jaskier

Joe Kurczewski

 

Most Dedicated Female

Emily Schilling - Winner

Diana Bernal

Jenna Blachura

Heather Cepuchowski

Steph Czaja

 

Best Referee

Jeremy Olson - Winner

Justin Garbacz

Billy Gunn

Jordan Lawson

Jeff May

 

Most Hated Villain

Steve Moser - Winner

Joey Battaglia

Blase LaDuca

Bobby McConnell

Nick Primerano

 

Player Too Good for Their Division

Laura Streeter (D4) - Winner

Seth Molisani (D4)

Rob Rummings (D6)

Katie Swanson (D5)

Sean Weisansal (D2)

 

Leonard Alba Person of the Year

Chris Cole - Winner

 

Storyline of the Year

Cole, Public Enemy retire on top - Winner

B's Brother finally makes his return

Gordon saves the bar from burning down

Jeremy Streit trades alcohol for championships

Kelly Kane - female QB superstar

 

Most Improved Team

Vaspian - Winner

Cobblestone

Grey Hair - Don't Care

Scared Hitless

Woodpeckers

 

Rookie Team of the Year

GUCCI - Winner

Lettuce Win

Slob Kabombs

Super Freaks

Today's Feast

 

Best at Bar

Zack Attack - Winner

A&A

Not So Sticky

TMA

TOX

 

Team of the Year

Public Enemy - Winner

A&A

Grey Hair - Don't Care

Spinelli's Plumbing

Scared Hitless

 

Thanks for the memories, Public Enemy!

 

***

Just a reminder that our Non-QB rankings are coming up starting May 12.  If you have any feedback on the categories below, shoot us an email and let us know.  If you do it before the rankings come out, maybe we'll listen to your advice.  Or you can just complain on Facebook when you don't like how our staff ranked you, your call!

  • May 12: Best Teams All-Time in the League
  • May 19: Best Female Players in the League
  • May 26: Best Male Players (Non-QB) in the League
  • June 2: Division All-Star Teams Announced
  • June 9: Most Likely TSL Hall of Famers

 

***

 

That's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you don't remember Boccio doing anything worthy of an MVP last Fall?  Hogan blew every call in one of your games and you can't BELIEVE he somehow won best referee?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..    Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

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