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Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe!

 

On this Saturday, June 15th, in the Year of Our Lord 2019, The Topper Sports League will be holding one of its most important events it has ever thrown.

 

Lenny Alba Appreciation Day!

 

The fun starts on Friday Night, at the Vue Rooftop Lounge on top of the Curtiss Hotel. ALL OF YOU are invited to join Topper, Rameer, and other assorted TSL celebrities as we toast our beloved Commissioner. Be there at 7:30!

 

Then on Saturday, we’ll have the celebration at the fields. When talking to Topper about it this week, he said he thought to himself “What would Lenny do?”. Sadly, it wasn’t feasible to have a B’s Brother Burning Man on Field 5, and Cirque De Soleil doesn’t do private shows. However, we DO have an ice cream truck with free ice cream, some wheel spins, the burgers and dogs will be available for purchase, the Dunk Tank will make its appearance, and maybe a surprise or two.

 

I’m not here to talk about anything football related in the intro. Because, in the grand scheme of things, the rest pales in comparison to the importance that comes with Lenny Day. The man lived and breathed this league. He loved every single one of us. He took anyone members of this league considered “a villain” and went out of his way to talk to that person and find the good in them. He believed in all of us. Yeah, he may have gotten upset with certain people at times, but he’d move on from it faster than anyone else in history. Lenny appreciated YOU and this league more than any of us ever could. Now all of you need to show up to appreciate the hell out of him. Why? Because none of us are here, every Saturday, in the league that we love, meeting our friends that have become family, having a blast, meeting our future spouses, mothers/fathers of our children, or anything else if it wasn’t for Lenny Alba. Be there.

 

The league has been fun, as it always is, but we all know that it’s been missing something. Let’s go celebrate him.

 

LTA#56. We love you. We miss you. Forever in our hearts.

 

With that said, holy crap it’s Week 8. Playoff spots are secure, positioning is not, bye weeks are up for grabs, and there’s some more crossover games! Let’s take a look!

 

C1/C2 Crossovers

 

Last Week’s Games:

Public Enemy 36, Bullet Club 30

Marketing Mayors 32, Money Ball 6

1 Todd Too Many 37, Energy Buff 16

A&A 37, Tight Ends In Motion 31

Eyes Downtown 21, Title Shot 0

Gryffindor 30, #XTC@Angry Buffalo 28

 

So first off, I was right. TWO victories for the D2C2 Squads! Thanks Matty Ice and Joey Batts! A&A received the good fortune of having TEIM struggle through its most recent QB issue (the ‘Seth Signal’ has been shining brightly in the sky to no avail) and Joey Batts took one of the hotter teams in the league and took out an #XTC@AB team that’s had its own struggles. No struggles for Team Topper though, as they disposed of Energy Buff rather easily, though EB was missing a QB as well I believe. The Mayors slapped around Money Ball, and Eyes Downtown won in a forfeit. Bullet Club tried its best to break the streak but found themselves in a 16 point deficit early on in the game. Despite a much better second half, they came up short.

 

We have another week of fun crossovers as well! Let’s see if there’s more upsets waiting out there for us.

 

Public Enemy vs A&A – Matty Ice is next up for potential “streak breakers”. He already owns one of the two D2/C2 wins this season, and if he could beat Public Enemy, we may never hear the end of it. This game should be lots of fun, and if we’re lucky, I’ll be able to hear the smack talk from Des Moines. Moderate Chance for the D2/C2 upset.

 

Eyes Downtown vs Gryffindor – Bobby vs Joey. We’re really getting some excellent QB matchups here. This is like Sting vs Stone Cold Steve Austin, but if it actually happened in 1998. Gryffindor slid by #XTC and ED didn’t even have to play their crossover game last week. Both teams need a win for getting bye weeks in their division. This should be a fun one. Low chance for a D2/C2 upset.

 

Marketing Mayors vs Bullet Club – This is like when NFL teams fighting for playoff positioning play at the same time. Marketing Mayors are battling Eyes Downtown for their bye, and Bullet Club is battling Gryffindor for theirs. They all play each other at 11:00. Brilliant work Topper!! BC lost to Public Enemy last week without their stud Chad Griffin, who is allegedly going to be in attendance this weekend. The Mayors had zero problem with Money Ball and lost to ED by a point last week. This is another game that should be pretty close. Moderate chance at the D2/C2 upset.

 

Tight Ends In Motion vs Energy Buff – This matchup should come down to who’s throwing for who here. Both teams lost last week but had QB issues. I’m not sure what to think of EB anymore this season. They’ve been so inconsistent. I’d like to think the Tight Ends’ defense can hold them. Low Chance of a D2/C2 upset.

 

1 Todd Too Many vs Money Ball – Team Topper is back baby! 1TTM gets back on the winning side of things, and they look to “prey” upon Money Ball this week, who looked all sorts of out of it against the Marketing Mayors. Now, 1 Todd isn’t exactly MM, but they’ve got to be feeling good, and they’ll be wearing their Lenny shirts on Lenny Day. Which means Lenny will most likely have Topper lose in comical fashion. Moderate Chance of a D2/C2 upset.

 

#XTC@ Angry Buffalo vs Title Shot – I don’t even know if Title Shot is going to show up for this one. What a fall from grace they’ve had this season. #XTC has been much better as Sooch finds his rhythm. When you’re chock full of handsome people like Joe Russell and Eric Stegmeier, you need to play as good as you look. This could be a good one if both teams are at full strength. Moderate chance at a D2/C2 upset.

 

I’m not claiming a number of wins for this one. If I had to pick two: Bullet Club and Energy Buff. But I wouldn’t bet on it.

 

D1/C1

 

Last Week’s Games:

Eyes Downtown 33, Marketing Mayors 32

 

Only one game on the docket, but it mattered for the playoffs. A one point win put ED in the driver’s seat for second place and a first round bye.

 

Playoff time! Here’s what we know: Public Enemy is first place and getting the bye. Currently, Marketing Mayors and Eyes Downtown both have 15 points and are tied for the bye, but ED has a game in hand and the head to head victory. As for the rest of the division, they’re all tied. TEIM has a game in hand on #XTC@AB and Team Topper. Seeding is going to change drastically this week.

 

Eyes Downtown vs Tight Ends In Motion (+10) – Tight Ends needs to really get it together heading into the playoffs. Eyes Downtown seems to be rolling along right now, and they know they can’t afford a slip up here so they can clinch the bye. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 10

 

D2/C2

Last Week’s Games:

None. Only had the Crossovers.

 

Playoff update: MADNESS. As of now, A&A and Gryffindor are in the bye week position. Bullet Club is sitting right behind them though. Unless A&A breaks PE’s streak, they’ll finish 5-4. Gryffindor and Bullet Club play each other. They’re both 4-3. Energy Buff sits a game behind them with an outside shot at the bye as well. Title Shot and Money Ball seem to be entrenched in the last two seeds, but who the hell knows anymore? This division has been crazy fun all year, and it only makes sense that nothing is making sense still.

 

Gryffindor vs Bullet Club (+1) – I should’ve made this game EVEN, but Gryffindor DID beat BC not too long ago. This game pretty much looks like a bye week “playoff” game, with the winner most likely getting the #1 seed. With the way this division has been though, look for, somehow, to have A&A, Gryffindor, and Bullet Club all end up 5-4 so Topper’s magic formulas can figure out who gets the byes. Which can only mean the result we’re not expecting will happen: GRYFFINDOR AND BULLET CLUB TIE.

 

D3/R1:

Last Week’s Games:

All We Do Is Quinn 45, Ultimate Warriors 22

Slytherin That End Zone 36, Morning Wood 36

3rd and Schlong 38, Sticky Bandits 38

Frodo Swaggins 18, Peachy Platoon 14

 

So basically, Quinn is a bunch of a jerks and ruined Sam Lattuca’s QB start! We’ve learned nothing since everyone decided to tie this week, except let’s pay attention to the Frodo win over Peachy. That’s a big one, and it announces that Frodo needs to be taken VERY seriously in the playoffs.

 

Playoffs: Here’s what we know: Ultimate Warriors are the 8 seed. After that? No clue. AWDIQ plays SITE for what is essentially the #1 seed. A SITE win gives them both 6-2-1 records. 3rd and Schlong and Frodo battle each other as well, in another awesome matchup. It looks like 3AS isn’t going to get a makeup game in and only play 8 games, where if they’d have won both they’d be 6-2-1 as well. Because Sticky Bandits are also leaving a game on the table, Morning Wood may be able to pass them in the standings with a win over Ultimate Warriors. This is bananas. Peachy Platoon is in there somewhere too. My head hurts.

 

All We Do Is Quinn vs Slytherin That End Zone (+3) – SITE has to be shaking their heads after giving up a tie to Morning Wood. That’s a game you need to win if you’re going to win your division. Quinn is still chugging along as the division leader. I’m not sure which team wants it more, but considering how they both played last week: ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 3

 

3rd and Schlong vs Frodo Swaggins (EVEN) – This game should be a lot of fun. 3AS has gone from the team making the most noise in recent seasons, to just being a quietly good team while the others get the press. That doesn’t matter to them, as they’ve still been putting the boots to teams. Frodo is a new team, they’re a fun team, and they’ve had some BIG games this season. They’re hard to beat. They have the best player in the league that nobody knows about in Josh Schnieder. As long as Garrett doesn’t over think anything, they’re a tough out. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 8

 

Peachy Platoon vs Sticky Bandits (+7) – Sticky is always a good, smart team but this season just hasn’t gone as well as they’d like it. Once considered favorites to win this division, they find themselves near the bottom of the standings. Of course, having an injury to your QB is always an issue, but Mike Thomas is more than capable and may secretly be the best backup in the league. For all of the pub Peachy gets, they’re only 4-4, and they’re losing the big games it seems. They lost to SITE, Frodo twice, and 3AS. They *did* beat Quinn though. They need more consistency for sure. PEACHY PLATOON BY 10

 

Morning Wood vs Ultimate Warriors (+7) – Just a nightmare of a season for the Warriors, but what better way for them to get some momentum for the playoffs than to get their first win? Morning Wood’s up and down season has them all over the place and it’s hard to figure out just what they are. Let’s go for it: ULTIMATE WARRIORS BY 4

 

D4/R2

Last Week’s Games:

Buffalo Solar Solutions 44, Hung Buffalo 27

Cobblestone 27, Full Throttle 22

GLBS 44, Cobblestone 19

Puckett All-Stars 59, Indecent Exposure 22

End Game 22, Indecent Exposure 21

Hung Buffalo 19, Puckett All-Stars 7

 

One week before playoffs and just about everything you expected to happen went down. Buffalo Solar came back to us, beating Hung Buffalo. Cobblestone won again, essentially knocking Full Throttle out of the playoffs. Puckett had a big win over Indecent Exposure, but lose to Hung Buffalo in a close one later on. And End Game ESCAPED Indecent Exposure.

 

Playoffs: What we know: End Game is the best team in the division, but Uncle Rico’s and No Punt Intended are knocking on the door. GLBS, Hung Buffalo, and BSS are all in the playoffs for sure, and I think Full Throttle is officially eliminated. Then we have a three way dance between Indecent Exposure, Cobblestone, and Puckett All-Stars for the last spot. Should be interesting, but I think IE and Cobblestone will make it.

 

Buffalo Solar Solutions vs Cobblestone (+8) – Cobblestone has been money as of late, going 2-1 in their last 3 games. However, the loss to GLBS seemed to come pretty easy, and I think BSS’ win this weekend puts this one in their favor. BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS BY 7

 

Buffalo Solar Solutions vs Puckett All-Stars (+10) – Puckett had their big win last week, but even a tired BSS shouldn’t have an issue with them. BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS BY 8

 

GLBS vs Full Throttle (+16) – Full Throttle has just struggled to put a full game together all season. On has to assume they’re running for the bus here, while GLBS is playing for playoff positioning. Glenn Bird has had to assume QB duties as of late, and it looks like its so far so good. GLBS BY 12

 

End Game vs No Punt Intended (+3) – I’m not going to do it. I’m not going to let NPI hurt me again. I believed in them, they let me down, and when I was finally accepting it, they’re winning again. They’ve been hot as of late, and I think this game could go down to the wire. But End Game is just so good. I wish I knew who the guys on this team were. END GAME BY 4

 

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers vs Indecent Exposure (+9) – It feels like we haven’t seen Uncle Rico’s in months. Did they quit after they blew the NPI game so badly? Either way, they’re back and they’re taking on a team in IE that just seems to be falling apart at the seams. Yeah, they were within a point of End Game, but they got smoked by Puckett. Just doesn’t feel like the right time for a blow up. UNCLE RICO’S TIME TRAVELERS BY 13

 

D5/R3

 

Last Week’s Scores:

Matty’s Angels 61, Cunning Stunts 42

Over Compensators 33, HomeTech 29

Hope N Ruin 30, Come From Behind 21

Ugandan Warriors 32, vandalay industries 26

Cunning Stunts 34, Pink Pteratacos 26

Ugandan Warriors 33, Pink Pteratacos 20

Five Star Generals 58, vandalay industries 49

 

It happens every year. There’s a big gender game, and Joey Batts is the QB for one of the teams and he blows it. The Angels continue their D5 dominance, wiping the floor with Stunts. They still can’t play defense though. The Ugandan Warriors solidified their claim to the “best not gender team in D5” title with two big wins. Vandalay had a rough day at the office, losing to Five Star. The Pteratacos had a bad day in terms of record, but they hung in there with Ugandan and the Stunts, and that says something.

 

Playoffs: What we know: Matty’s is the best, the Stunts are second, and Ugandan is 3rd. After that, its literally anybody’s game for seeds 4-10. HomeTech is currently 1-6 and at the bottom of things but two wins can flip them into the playoffs. Lots of good action here, no idea how it shakes out.

 

Hope N Ruin vs Over Compensators (+6) – both of the teams seem to be trending upwards here. Hope N Ruin has been more Ruin than Hope (love that gag) but the playoffs are coming, so let’s just pencil them into the D5 final now. HOPE N RUIN BY 3

 

Ugandan Warriors vs Come From Behind (+10) – Ugandan is a very good team. They’ve been winning games left and right and, as long they know much time is left on the clock, they may not lose again. Come From Behind didn’t have the best of luck last week, and while they’re a very good team, the Warriors are on a mission.  UGANDAN WARRIORS BY 7

 

Matty’s Angels vs vandalay industries (+10) – with Topper playing in C1, the non award winning Tommy Hughes is looking to lead vandalay against the unfair juggernauts that better enjoy D4 next session: The Angels. I just cant imagine Tommy being able to keep up with Matty and the girls. MATTY’S ANGELS BY 17

 

Five Star Generals vs HomeTech (EVEN) – Two teams that haven’t had the best of seasons meet up in what just might be essentially a playoff game. Five Star got a feel good win this past week, but if they want to make some noise in the division, they need to win this one to do it. HOMETECH BY 6

 

D6/R4

 

Last Week’s Scores:

pAssless Chaps 37, Practice Squad 26

Practice Squad 46, Jabronies 17

Jabronies 52, TMA 14

 

Yeah, somehow Practice Squad blew a game against the Chaps and then beat up on the Jabronies. I can’t explain it.

 

Playoffs: what we know: Practice Squad and Jabronies have the bye weeks. What we don’t know: seeds 3-6. Lots of matchups to be determined this week.

 

Jabronies vs pAssless Chaps (+10) – The Jabronies have been a very hot team as long as they aren’t playing Practice Squad. While it seems that the Chaps upset the very same Squad, I can’t imagine lightning striking twice.  JABRONIES BY 7

 

TMA vs The Bi-Polar Express (+3) – Everytime BPX plays TMA, they’re short girls. That’s the problem with three of your ladies playing on the enemy. Both teams need a win here, and I think we’ll see both teams play their best, as word is Gordon should have all of his other girls. I think they’ve played twice before, so third time’s the charm. THE BI-POLAR EXPRESS BY 5

 

Practice Squad vs The Bambs (+6) – I don’t know what the hell happened to the Bambs. When someone finds them, can you ask them? Practice Squad keeps rolling. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 5

 

The Bi-Polar Express vs The Bambs (EVEN) – BPX beat The Bambs a few weeks ago, and like I said in the last game, we still haven’t found them in a few weeks. THE BI-POLAR EXPRESS BY 7

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

 

1.      How many more teams from D2/C2 win their crossover games this week? There were two last week, do you think they can do it again?

 

2.      How long until Topper buys the remaining hot dogs and hamburgers and lets everyone have them for free? 2:00?

 

3.      Will Vue Rooftop Lounge be packed with TSLers for Lenny Day on Friday? Seriously, if you’re able to go, get out there and meet Rameer and Topper!

 

4.      Who’s going in the Dunk Tank? There has GOT to be some new blood that wants to take their chances. If they’ve seen some of the QBs in this league, they won’t be scared.

 

5.      What crazy finishes will we have to the regular season? There’s a lot of playoff spots on the line this week. Do YOU want your team’s fate in the hands of Topper?

 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

 

1.      First off, Congratulations to Mark Buscaglia and Kim Mahoney on their engagement! Another awesome couple to add to the list of TSL marriages! We all know Katie Keller and a man that’s a plan are next.

 

2.      Shout out to Kenny Lantz of the Practice Squad for being the newest member of the ever growing TSL list of injured ankles! Get well soon!

3.      Since we’re having a DJ play all day this week, Travis, please leave your speaker in the car. Also, pay for Pandora premium for whatever. Nobody wants to hear the commercials.

 

4.      Breakfast Club playoffs this week! Give me the Hot TaMollys over Peanut Butter Kelly Time 36-20 and Natural Born Kellers over EmC HammerTime 24 -22.

 

5.      I’m not going to make this a big thing again, but seriously, stop putting your hands on refs people. That vein in Rameer’s head is about to pop.

 

6.      The best games to watch this week:

 

a.      10:00 – Field 2 – All We Do Is Quinn vs Slytherin That End Zone

b.      11:00 – Field 2 – Marketing Mayors vs Bullet Club

c.       12:00 – Field 1 – Tight Ends In Motion vs Energy Buff

d.      1:00 – Field 3 – No Punt Intended vs End Game

e.      2:00 – Field 2 – Bullet Club vs Gryffindor

f.        3:00 – Field 1 – The Bi-Polar Express vs The Bambs

 

7.      Not to be the bearer of bad news, but its currently 50% chance to rain, and it might be windy. Nothing better than deciding playoff seeds in that fun stuff. Just kidding, Lenny won’t let that happen.

 

8.      Hopefully, with all of the Lenny Day festivities, people stick around the bar for some time! Let’s help Topper be drunk until Tuesday!!

 

9.      Whoever eats the most ice cream gets to spin the wheel. Just saying.

 

10.   This weekend is supposed to be about celebrating Lenny, but its also about celebrating each other. Be good people this weekend, as Lenny would’ve wanted you to be. Enjoy yourself, take pictures, and make a new friend. We miss you Lenny.

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