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OK Let's try this again shall we......

 

 

 

On April 14th ummm...  On April 21st ummmm... On April 28th.... yes on April 28th in the year of our Lord 4 lb 2 ounce mighty Baby Jesus in his magical Baby Jesus robes of shiny stuff and magical colors or rockin a totally kool Jay German banquet outfit  with a totally kool Baby Jesus cap or pirate hat of some sort (56) teams will begin the voyage towards social co ed football immortality. Some teams enter the field of battle for one last taste of success as they know their time together may soon be over. Others will attend as they know deep down in their hearts that their time is finally now. Some teams that rhyme with Mollegiate Polar probably won't win many games but they will take the field of battle for fun and sun and they will enjoy their day even though they will lose like 46-8. One team will return but they better get their eyes off down town and get them squarely on Marketing Mayors. They know better than anyone that they must once again face Darth Vader. You can't win a D1 title unless you can beat each and every team TSL trots in front of you so this team must find a way to beat it's arch nemesis. Some teams in D3 are so mad that they haven't won a title that there are grumbles they have sold out for one last shot at the title. And what of our reigning and defending TSL MVP and D3 champion? What will he do for an encore? Could anyone in league history not named Darryl Carr QB Super Star have had a better year last year than the man known simply as Joey Batts? Will this be it for the Replacements or have they finally found a safe haven in the confines of a smaller less brutal D2? Will a new star emerge? I always wonder as a new season is about to begin will a new B's Brother or Boccio or Darryl Carr (OK not him no one can be Darryl Carr QB Superstar hes too awesome) or Girl on Crack emerge from the shadows to be "the next big thing" in our little corner of the galaxy? Who has improved so greatly that they will be noticed early and often this session? Will a new starlet emerge? And what of the great battle that is nearly upon us...When will the two biggest starlets in our game climb the mountain high, don their sumo suits and fight for all the marbles as they will punch and kick and swing to answer the simplest of questions, who will win the Alpha blonde or the Alpha brunette?  It's all about to begin again. The good news is we will all sit back and see it all un-fold before our very eyes together. We will see new stars emerge from the shadows, we will see our current stars fight so valiantly for one last crack at immortality. This season will be special. The juice will be worth the squeeze. We will laugh and we will cry. Do I have the answers to these questions and many more ...no...no I do not. I will sit back and let it unfold just like you. On April 28th in the year of our Lord 2018 (56) teams will take the field of battle. All slates will be wiped clean. All (56) teams are 0-0. What happens after that is up to you. In 10, 15, 20 years from now when folks walk upon that once hallowed ground and talk of the glory days of football past, will you be remembered as one of the greatest names in history or will you just be simply forgotten? That my friends is entirely up to you...... 

 

 

 

What happens next....is entirely........ up...... to ........you.

 

 

 

Now is the time I usually go through the games but week #1 is a crap shoot. There are too many new teams, players switching etc etc. I will handicap the divisions and week #2 I will go back to handicapping games once we get a good look at week #1 action.

 

 

 

****NOTE**** I only re-wrote the 10 final thoughts and the 5 questions for Saturday. I need to see these teams play a week before I start going on and on about wins and losses and make predictions. 

 

 

 

DIVISION #1

 

MARKETING MAYORS  3-2

 

EYES DOWNTOWN  3-1

 

PUBLIC ENEMY  5-1

 

NEW GODS  6-1

 

RACKS AND SACKS 8-1

 

#XTC     10-1

 

TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION  15-1

 

ANGRY BUFFALO   20-1

 

 

 

THE SKINNY: Mayors are easily the best team in this division. Mark Dalphonso has arrived, Cory Turner could be the best offensive mind in the game today and Delecki/Smith is about as good a duo as there is in this game. MM will be one tough team to beat in this division. ED should still be in the mix but they must find a way to beat Mayors. What they have done to date has not worked its time for change. PE is always in the mix but right now there is a dark cloud around them. Boccio is gone due to injury, Big Paulie is on sabbatical and no one knows if/when Cheryl makes her triumphant return. The question I would ask is who is going to step in for the Bocc? Will #XTC ever find a QB?  They are a solid team that is stacked but they just need a QB, will they find him? Rumors are swirling Cody Williams will be joining New Gods. Will someone be leaving or will Cody  be another member of an already large size squad? New Gods had a tremendous first session. I for one would like to see if McGrath takes the next step towards becoming a top 5 player in this game this session. Alex of TEIM will be under the microscope this session. The knock on him is his arm strength. He has not seen the speed and range the D1 defenders he will face this session has. Each team he faces will have a minimum of 2 studs on defense. Alex will need to be very smart and not throw lollipops or TEIM will struggle out of the gate. TEIM is very skilled it all begins and ends at QB for them. AB has the gun slinger and they have size but can their girls keep up in D1? We will find out very quickly. 

 

 

 

DIVISION #2

 

THE PURGE   2-1

 

NWO    3-1

 

THE REPLACEMENTS   4-1

 

GRYYFINDOR    5-1

 

HOOTIE AND THE BRO FISH   6-1

 

DMX  7-1

 

 

 

THE SKINNY: This division has only 6 teams but it should be bedlam each and every week. The Purge has easily the best girls in the division. They have talent but each week their fate depends on Taylor "feast or famine" Seketuski. When he's hot look out but when hes cold he's frigid. Replacements are very talented and boast the best player in the division. The question with them begins and ends at QB. Will their QB hold up?  NWO had a very solid fall session. They have good balance and very under rated females. I said it earlier but Brother Nero has things setting up nicely for a big year. DMX struggled in the fall but I think they will fit in just fine in this revamped D2. Call it a hunch but I expect big things from BRO this session,. He is the new people's champion, he is poised, he is skilled, he is well spoken, he is a man among a men, a beacon of light in an other wise dreary day and most importantly he is obviously the best brother. He is Joey Batts in this example. Bro will lead the Bro Fish into a great era of success. He will take his whole team and throw them upon his shoulders and will them to victory. They then will tell stories 10 nay 20 nay 100 years from now about Bro and his skill and how he did so much more for his team than his brother.   When they are done they will all high tail it into the bar (except Mary Poppins she will go home early) and they will win there too. The era of crush has ended the era of Hootie and his Bro Fish has begun. Incidentally the top 3 finalists for team name before  HATBF were (in no particular order) Beverly Hills 9021Bro, The Young and the Bro Less and Coming to Bromerica. I forgot to mention Joey Batts is great , easily the 2nd best player, person and humanitarian in this division and every other. I for one am a better person for just knowing him. Thank you that is all. 

 

 

 

DIVISION #3

 

1 TOPPER TOO MANY  3-2

 

BULLET CLUB         2-1

 

A&A 6-1

 

STICKY BANDITS 7-1

 

COBBLESTONE 10-1

 

CINTAS 12-1

 

MIXX 12-1

 

RYAN PUCKETT ALL STARS 15-1

 

SLYTHERIN IN THE END ZONE 25-1

 

MORNING WOOD 50-1

 

 

 

THE SKINNY: There are rumors swirling that 1TTM and Bullet Club have started an arms race now in D3. Many claim both squads should be in D2 and their battle for the D3 title is nothing more than a mere formality. A&A is right where they want to be. They are sitting at 6-1 but they are battle tested, have solid girls, a great QB and one of the best players in the division. I am hearing quiet rumbles that Casey Oliphant could be ready to take the next step towards female super stardom.When you talk about poster child for how to do things right look no further than the Sticky Nation. Solid team: Check. Fun team: Check. Good people: Check. This league is a better place due to teams like Sticky Bandits.  It is now time to talk about the human highlight reel the best player in TSL history. A leader and man of such great character there are awards named after him. The dosecki's guy doesn't have shit on him. He's awesome , hes intelligent, he is better looking and just plain better than everyone else though he hardly ever tries. And lets be honest male or female name me one TSL'er with better hair? Yeah I didn't think you could either. His name is Darryl Carr QB Superstar and on April 21st in the year of our Lord 2018 he will grab his magical football and throw spirals that you swear will enter the beautiful Spring sky and bring you back to times of your child hood when things were so much easier and so much different. Cinta's is a Joey Batts project. Joey Batts is awesome so this team should be interesting. I have no clue what SITE or Morning Wood will bring to the table. MW has struggled in D3 before and right now SITE holds the record for weirdest team name. If SITE is Morgasm making her triumphant return wrapped in a 30' python I'm leaving TSL. RPAS keep getting put in a division and they keep winning titles. Kudos to them for making the jump to hyper space. RPAS are solid top to bottom and should be able to compete. Mixx is a mongrel team of JZ, Nick, Tammy and I think Justin Martial Law Garbacz. Mixx should easily be in the running for one of the funnest teams in the TSL. I am hearing rumors MIXX signed a lighting fast girl that no one has ever heard of...till now.  So let me get this straight Bullet Club already one of the better teams in D3 replaced 2 good guys who never show up with 2 good guys that always show up.  RIIIIIIGGGGGGHHHHHHTTT. I'm hearing rumors the Topper was none too happy with last seasons effort and has literally replaced people and signed everyone he could as he has marked this season on his calendar with a big red X. It's title or bust for the Topper. With his arm strength already eroding and his mind surely to follow the clock is ticking for poor Topper. This might be his best and final look at the D3 trophy. 

 

 

 

DIVISION #4

 

NO PUNT INTENDED 5-1

 

UNCLE RICO'S TIME TRAVELERS 6-1

 

FULL THROTTLE 7-1

 

HK4 8-1

 

SHREDDERS 10-1

 

AXA 12-1

 

3RD AND SCHLONG 13-1

 

AARP 15-1

 

INDECENT EXPOSURE 16-1

 

BREW CREW 50-1

 

 

 

THE SKINNY: I still am waiting for Katie Keller to bust out of her shell and become "the next big thing" in the TSL. Girl has everything you are looking for. She is a great athlete, she is well spoken and has great sentence structure, she is a walking soap opera and she is poised for big things both on and off the field. Once Katie fulfills her destiny and becomes this leagues next big star how will 40 yr plan guy react? Will he be happy for her or will his love for her grow even stronger? This is one storyline I will be watching closely. NPI has been doing things the right way for a few sessions now. They are ever improving both on and off the field. I saw them at the bar more than once last session. They continue to improve and could easily be this sessions D4 title holder. Uncle Rico crushed D5 and now sets their sights on D4. They are a very balanced team that could easily make some noise this session.  Full Throttle is back and that's a good thing. They were a solid team that just was missing one speedster. If they find one fast guy they could easily be in the hunt come playoff time.  HK4 and Shredders return. Both teams are loaded top to bottom. Both have very decent female -players. Both can be also beat on defense so they must make tightening up the D priority #1 this season. AARP returns yay. Indecent Exposure was a very solid team that was befuddled by injury it will be interesting to see how they do assuming all their horses have returned. Brew Crew struggled if memory serves me right so I think they will struggle again. 3rd and Schlong is one of my favorite teams. Team Keller is awesome both on and off the field. One must think they are very sad as long time friends and punching bags Hometech have moved down 2 divisions. I don't know what to expect from AXA all I know is it is a fun team that will have Cody Williams debuting as a QB.  

 

 

 

DIVISION #5

 

THE BAMBS 2-1

 

COME FROM BEHIND 4-1

 

HUNG BUFFALO 5-1 

 

ALL WE DO IS QWINN 6-1

 

WITTERS 7-1

 

HOPE N RUIN 8-1

 

MATTY'S ANGELS 9-1

 

CUNNING STUNTS 9-1

 

TOMMY HUGHES EXPERIENCE 10-1

 

UFO 15-1

 

VANDELAY INDUSTRIES 25-1

 

PASSLESS CHAPS 40-1

 

 

 

THE SKINNY: I think this is the division to be in it has everything you are looking for. D5 has both gender teams which naturally makes us think instant rivalry. D5 has Tommy Hughes which is a walking sop opera. CFB is the likable old vet team. The Bambs seemed to have sold their souls for one more shot at D5 glory. AWDIQ started off a few seasons ago with so much fan fare but their light is not shining as bright as in the past. HNR is always a solid stable team on both sides of the ball. UFO is taking a big gamble going from D6 finalist to a small fish in a big pond. They could struggle early out of the gate as this division is loaded top to bottom. I still don't know what to expect from Witter's but I do know they do have some talent on both sides of the ball. Hung Buffalo will once again bring their unique "attitude" with them both on and off the field. HB is one tough out and a tough team both literally and figuratively speaking. Its a shame ACE is gone as I so wanted to see ACE V Angels one more time. Vandalay Industries is a make shift team of the Topper, the prophet the most honorable Dave Walter and former ACE skipper Ronny K. This division has literally everything you could want and more. It has great teams, great story lines, walking soap operas and turmoil around every corner. D5 from week to week should be the place to be this session. I need to be honest I haven't a clue who is on nor do I know one thing about Passless Chaps.

 

 

 

DIVISION #6

 

HOME TECH 3-1 

 

DARK KNIGHTS 5-1

 

CELINO SEWER RATS 6-1

 

PRACTICE SQUAD 7-1

 

THE MCKENZIE AGENCY 8-1

 

DILLY DILLY 10-1

 

TIGHT END ZONES 10-1

 

JABRONIES 10-1

 

NICE TDS 10-1

 

COLLEGIATE BUILDERS 100000000-1

 

 

 

THE SKINNY: I only know one thing in D6 I must meet girl on crack. OK I know 2 things the other is Collegiate Builders usually struggle and I expect nothing less this season. New teams usually either are way too good for D6 or are a walking train wreck in season #1. We have some newbs so anything is possible. Dark Knights has returned but I must ask the question has Binder Girl returned with them? They have the potential to be a very solid team this session. Hometech got crushed D4 and has decided to move down to D6. Hometech should be the odds on favorite to win this thing. The McKenzie Agency is easily one of this leagues favorite teams they have the likable Ferger, the lovable Brent and the villain in Prim. They also have one of D6's most under rated players in Ron Weber. Practice Squad shocked many when they went from terrible team to a D6 semi finalist the next year. Practice Quad V Dark Knights should be a bitter rivalry in this division. It is nice to see Nice TDS return. Will the Tammy's soon follow?  CSR is back and is always in the hunt. There are alot of newbs I know little to nothing about. Anyone of these teams could shock or could be a hot mess by week #9. If Hometech does in fact win the D6 title will 3rd and Schlong immediately show up out of no where and challenge them to a game in the parking lot for said title?

 

 

 

 

BREAKFAST CLUB PREDICTIONS

 

Poppin Mollies 27 Peanut Butter Kelly Time 24

Angry Tailors 23 Taminators 13

Emily's Minion's 30 Val's Pals 28

 

 

 

5 QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

 

 

 

1.  How will Hometech do in D6? If D6 doesn't work out there really is no where else to go. They have 2 tough tests heading their way this week with CSR and Dark Knights. I like Hometech and will be cheering but be honest if they leave D4 to go to D6 how funny would it be if they start 0-2.? I know it would be crazy funny right? No pressure Hometech....no pressure....

 

2.  Will Bro begin his journey towards the D2 MVP this week or do Doug and Burr have something to say about that?  Is Bro's time now? I am sure Bro can run with one Replacement burner but what of the other HATBF safety? Will he be able to cover one of the divisions better WR's? Can anyone on HATBF cover Burr because that is literally impossible? Could Mary Poppins tell him a story and put him to sleep?  If HATBF lose this week will one of their players be all like "I told you we should have been Crush?"    Burr + Bro=BOOM.

 

3. How will week #1 be without Big Paulie? Easily one of this games greatest stars both on and off the field Paul Nieman will be sorely missed as he tends to matters beyond his control for work. I for one think this league is a better place with Big Paulie in it and hope we still get to see him when he is able as he will be sorely missed both on and off the field. I am curious to see if Boccio steps up his game off the field or if he goes into a shell of some sort and quietly fades away. 

 

4. If you are Morning Wood do you even show up this week as Darryl Carr QB Superstar is literally un-beatable on opening day? Cobblestone is the toughest team in this league to play in week #1. They have star power and most opponents just fall into the trap and see Darryl and are in awe and then they can't concentrate or play good and 50 minutes later they lose. God speed Morning Wood and good luck this week...your going to need it. 

 

 5. Who exactly is Topper Sports League best sibling? We already know about our stars but who is the best supporting sibling.....Is it Bro or Brother Nero or Gordon's Brother or is it a Bernal sister? We will be examining this very question each week in this article and on our weekly podcast. Hopefully we also will hand out a "best supporting sibling trophy" at our next banquet as well. 

 

 

 

10 FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

 

1. The game I have my eye on this week is in D1 where Marketing Mayors and Eyes Downtown have at it in one of the greatest rivalries in the game today. You could very well be seeing a preview of this session's D1 title game as both teams are as good as it gets. MM are the champs and have arrived. There is no better 1/2 punch than Delecki and Smith. The supporting cast is lights out and the QB has arrived. ED is such a solid team but they need a re-boot. Some teams (not named Public Enemy) have caught on to what they are doing and have begin to figure out ways to throw them off. ED needs to find a way to change their style. Just when someone thinks they have all the answers change the questions. ED will not win a D1 title unless they throw something at MM that they haven't seen before. 

 

2. Great match up looming in D3 when Bullet Club and A&A have at it one more time or as I like to now call it the "Matty Ice and Gordon Freedom Festival."  A&A is loaded and put a thug like beat down on the Club in last sessions playoffs. The Club has re-tooled and will look quite different this year as they have become instantly better on both sides of the ball as they now will be one of the smarter teams in D3. I can't wait to watch the girl battle unfold in this game as both squads are loaded at the female position. If Casey Oliphant truly is ready to take the next step she must beat JJ this week. Easier said than done. I will be watching Jeff Easton very closely this session I think he tends to get too high and too low and desperately needs a calming influence to help him take the next step. I believe that calming influence is now on his roster and his game is about to sky rocket this session. 

 

3. So I am hearing rumors that Johnny Football has joined DMX. I see DMX as a very sneaky dark horse this session. The Purge's girls should run all over DMX but DMX is tailored made to rip apart the soft zone of the Purge. I think this game will be alot closer than many would think. If you are a betting man definitely bet the over in this game. I expect 80 points in this one.  

 

4. Oh it is soooo on at 2:00 when Sticky Bandits and Mixxx have at it. I still am not sure of all the details of how and why but JZ is back in D3 and he will bring a super fun super competitive team with him. Sticky Bandits are who you think they are,. They are one solid football team both on and off the field. Mixxx better be ready to go to work as these two teams and probably 4 other ones all could stake their claim for the D3 title. SB are a very smart very methodical squad as is Mixxx. I expect a very smart and solid game that should probably be very close and end up with in 4-6 points by days end. I don't think either team has speed to burn so they will need to use their brains this week more so than any other. 

 

5. Uncle Rico crushed D5 and now they set their sights on D4. Standing in their way this week is test #1 3rd and Schlong who had a very solid season last year. Has Katie Keller arrived? Will all her love interests and off the field stuff cause her to lose focus on the field?  This is a very important season for her. I have seen players get caught up in the off the field drama stuff and they are never the same. Seriously though how come no one ever interviews or finds out what 40 yr plan guy is thinking? It's Katie Keller this and Katie Keller that . I for one want to know what 40 yr plan guy thinks. However improbable what if he actually doesn't love Katie Keller at all? What if the 40 yr marriage plan thing was her idea?  I mean when you think about it that's a total chick move. And what about Kevin Keller? This all started out when he got lost now no one even remembers him anymore. BTW was Kevin Keller ever found?  Will Kevin Keller get back in the spotlight or is he just fine with things the way they are? Now that I think about it does Kevin Keller even play on 3rd and Schlong anymore?

 

6. If you like fun games look no further than The Bambs and Vandalay Industries. I think the score will be a route as I am convinced the Bambs have sold their souls for this session's D5 title but seeing Parrish V Topper will bring back memories of glorious battles of seasons past when Topper always beat the Bambs. Maybe if we are lucky TC and Parrish will once again start up the Topper Heckle Email chain. Oh do I miss the hundreds of jabs TC and Parrish used to sling at Topper day after day after day after day. #topperthrowslikeawaiter is all Parrish. As for the game, VI will not have the speed to keep up I see a route heading our way. 

 

7.  Angry Buffalo will quickly get to see what they are made of this week with New Gods. NG are a very solid team on both sides of the ball as they have stars all over the field. Coach Jay will need to think of something and think quick as AB could be out gunned in this one. If I was AB I would use their size to their advantage this week. I am curious to see how Delano does this week. He will  go from the best player in a division to just another really great athlete in D1. I wonder how he will react when each week he will see a guy on his back that is just as good as he is. 

 

8. D5 title: check....D4 title: check.....now the Puckett All Stars head to the valley of death and must face off with the chosen one Joey Battaglia. He has a team called Cintas I am not sure who is on it or if they are any good but I know Joey Batts could beat most teams 1 on 6 so PAS better be ready to go this week. I'm curious to see if PAS can go back to back to back as that would be one kool story if they could. 

 

9.  I looked at the schedule this week and kept thinking the same thing....D5 is going to be AWESOME. THE vs Hope N Ruin. Matty's Angles vs AWDIQ. Witters vs Hung Buffalo. Topper vs The Bambs.  D5 is the place to be. The fun teams are here. The girls teams are here. Topper is here. Matty Ice is here. Ronny K is here. Joe K is here. Come from Behind is here. The prophet the most honorable Dave Walter is here. Hell even Drew is here.  This division will be a war a fun war but a war none the less each and every week. 

 

10. Before you take the field of battle this Saturday please remember a few things. First, go to Toppersports.com and download the rule book. Second, if you need a girl to sub on your team it is imperative no matter who you use that you email us before that Thursday at 6pm for said weeks game at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. Please refer to the rule book for all sub rules. You must receive email confirmation from us that your sub is accepted. This also holds true for the sub list. We will be forwarding a universal  sub list for both male and female players. Please know this season the list will be smaller than in years past. If you have any issues please email us or talk to us anytime. Breaking sub rules could cause future suspension or issues for you and your team. With that being said good luck to all Saturday. 

 

 

 

 

 

Important emails to remember

 

 

 

If you want to be on a future TSL Podcast

 

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If you want to ref this season feel free to email Topper and he will get you in touch with Rameer to get you on the ref list.

 

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If you are new or returning to this league feel free to email me any time if you have any league questions or you want us to mention you/your team mates in this article

 

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If you want a new hat or a shirt or you just aren't happy with your toaster

 

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If you are hungry and want pizza delivered in 30 minutes or less

 

dominoes.com

 

 

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