Week 6 Thoughts, Picks, and Stuff

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 28 May 2021 15:46

Published: Friday, 28 May 2021 15:46

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 3127

 

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL, NO, the JKSL Universe, we are about to enter one of the craziest, weirdest weeks the TSL, JKSL has to offer. For those newer to the league, our Spring sessions always run have run through May. What this means is that we always play during Memorial Day weekend, which always proceeds to give us some weird upsets and games that will shake up the standings that normally wouldn’t happen during a “normal” weekend.

 

               With so many TSLers JKSLers absent from the fields, teams won’t look like their normal selves, which is always the recipe for interesting results. While some teams are smart and just take this week off ahead of time because they know they’ll have spotty attendance, others just plow ahead with a patchwork roster that can sometimes be 40% players that were picked up off the street (or off of the Universal Sub List). I use to joke with Rameer that this weekend was the start of the Fall Session’s tampering period, with so many teams casually asking players they’re trying to woo away from another to “fill in” and “see how they like playing with us”. Trust me, this happens a lot more than you realize. These hoes ain’t loyal, or something.

 

               And for those not in on the joke, one of those people that won’t be there this week is Topper. As you may have seen on the league’s Facebook page, there’s a fun “Joe K Sports” logo up there. What that means is that Joe K (and Jeff Krol, DOUBLE JKS!) are going to be in charge at the fields. All that means is that you can bring all of your gripes and complaints directly to him and you better let Topper enjoy his week off from you animals.

 

               Topper also told me to tell you all to give him the “full Topper treatment”, meaning you can buy Joe K a Corona and take a picture with him this week, so he can truly understand how difficult it can be to be the “Face that runs the place” every week. Enjoy your week off Topper. I’m 73% sure things will be fine.

 

               Memorial Day weekend also stirs up memories of those that we’ve lost in the TSL. If you haven’t seen the announcement yet, next Saturday, June 5^th, is a *big* day for us. June 4^th, for those that don’t know, will be the one year anniversary of when we lost Rameer to cancer. It’s also Lenny’s birthday, and since we never got to fully mourn this most recent loss together as a family, well, now we’re going to. Topper has a band lined up to play from 12-3, and there will be all sort of fun shenanigans. So please clear your calendars for that day if at all possible so we can celebrate their lives together. If it helps, there’s a hot rumor that I may or may not be there for that weekend.

 

               Finally, late last night I got an email from one Garrett Beesing. Garrett has been a part of this league for about 435 years, and he was most recently on the podcast a few weeks ago pointing out his love of the TSL. He’s usually available to help with refereeing, he’s watched the COVID gate to help out, and he’s always down to help with other shenanigans the league has put forward (such as being on the bachelorette). Well he came to me with the hope that I could put the word out for him for something and I think it’s a good cause, so I’ll help him out here. Excuse me if I get some details wrong, but Garrett’s sister was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in 2006, and she’s raising funds for a cure, as she’s been doing. Garrett is looking to his TSL family to donate to her MS Walk page if at all possible. It’s very clear this is important to him, since he went out of his way to contact me about it. In fact, this is what he sent to me to show all of you:

 

“Hello TSL!  Garrett Beesing here, lend me your eyes for a moment.  The person I am most proud of in my life is my big sister Emily.  She is successful, driven, compassionate, and the best Mom I have ever seen.  Part of what makes me so proud of her, is the time she dedicates to raising money and awareness for Multiple Sclerosis.  As the link provided details, she has been battling MS since 2006 and has been involved with raising money and awareness ever since.  I want to help her out, and I thought the TSL would be a great and fun way to do that.  To help her raise awareness I will be playing barefoot again for my breakfast club game on 6/12.  I had an accidental great time when I was forced to play barefoot once years ago, I am excited to try it again.  I don’t have a specific goal in mind, but if you donate please put “Topper sports” or “no shoes” in the name section, so my sister can track it.  I will be donating $100 to get things started but if TSL donations reach $1,000 by 6/12, I will play barefoot and in my underwear.  The barefoot part is fun, my pale chicken legs swinging in the breeze sounds awful.  Let’s make it a win-win by getting the donations up to 1K to raise money for a great cause, while subjecting me to some early morning embarrassment!  Love you guys, thanks in advance for your support!”

 

I’m also really hoping to get him to agree to shaving his head if we raise enough, or, most importantly, getting him to get a TSL tattoo if we reach a certain goal. My request has gone unanswered, but again, this came through last night and I had to add it to my mostly written article.

 

So if you want to donate to a great cause AND embarrass Garrett, donate here:

https://secure.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR;jsessionid=00000000.app30052a?px=18314451&fr_id=31717&pg=personal&NONCE_TOKEN=BACA4DE9380DA0A8DCB9195D131EF372

 

and remember to put “TSL” somewhere in the name section so we can keep track. Thank you.

 

Anyway, you’re really here for some football chatter, so let’s get right to it:

 

D1:

 

Last Week’s Scores:

Sloppy Seconds 39, Why So Serious 16

Tight Ends In Motion 35, Public Enemy 1

Tight Ends In Motion 40, Why So Serious 23

Sticky Bandits 36, Eyes Downtown 26

 

               Shout out to the big win by Sticky over Eyes Downtown! They’re consistently improving and that was probably the biggest win in franchise history. D1 is slowly getting more interesting as the year goes on. That’s also in part due to Sloppy Seconds’ first D1 win as well. Things are trending towards the D1 playoffs being more interesting than previously thought, and that’s a good thing. Okay, Why So Serious is in shambles, but everyone else is trending up! And I don’t want to completely ignore the 35-1 win that TEIM had in their “Super Bowl” against Public Enemy, but once I heard that PE was missing a lot of players, including All-Universe QB Chris Cole, I just dismissed the victory like many others did too. Disappointing we didn’t get that true matchup, but it makes me want it more in the title game.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Public Enemy vs Sticky Bandits (+22) – Sticky gets a week from hell here, and it starts early at 9:00. Sticky is improving, but this is another level they’re not at yet. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 20

 

Tight Ends In Motion vs Sticky Bandits (+20) -  Sticky gets a week from hell here, and it continues at 10:00. Sticky is improving, but this is another level they’re not at yet. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 20

 

Public Enemy vs Sloppy Seconds (+24) – The parade of giant lines continues, and despite Sloppy’s improvements, this is the same “upper tier” vs “lower tier” of D1 matchup that we’re seeing with Sticky. They’re just not there yet. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 17

 

Eyes Downtown vs Why So Serious (+28) – Even with a loss to Sticky Bandits, New Eyes Downtown are trending upwards and Why So Serious couldn’t be in more trouble. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 22

 

D2:

 

Last Week’s Games:

XTC 40, Bullet Club 32

Losing Streak 22, Scared Hitless 20

A&A 44, Bullet Club 10

When Dove Cries 36, Slytherin That End Zone 22

XTC 46, When Dove Cries 40

Passed Our Prime 43, Slytherin That End Zone 21

 

               XTC were the big winners of Week 5, going 2-0 and just about cementing their once questionable playoff status. Wins over Bullet Club and When Dove Cries was exactly what the doctor ordered. Yes, that’s a Dubey pun. Yes, I’m proud of it. On the other side of the coin, Bullet Club looks like they’re paper tigers as they lost the close one to XTC but were simply outclassed by A&A. While their two wins against the teams below them in the standings should help sneak into the playoffs, I’m not sure they’ll win another game. Losing Streak and Scared Hitless had a hell of a battle, and shout out to the Hitless defense for slowing down that lethal LS offense even in a losing effort. And finally, PASSED OUR PRIME IS ON THE BOARD! A big win against SITE for POP means D2 won’t have a single team that doesn’t win a game. With a loss to WDC as well, SITE hasn’t looked great in the games with Newman at QB, perhaps a midseason change is in order? Dawson seemed capable, and Seth is still on the roster. This could be interesting.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

A&A vs Mountain Dew Me (+1) – We’re getting robbed of Matty vs Joey. Everyone knows that. Travis has slowly been transitioning into one of the league’s better QB’s, despite his reluctance to just go QB completely. This is going to be a fun game, can A&A keep up with MDM? Actually, they can’t. MOUNTAIN DEW ME BY 3

 

Peachy Platoon vs Scared Hitless (+17) – Scared Hitless is performing much better these days, but Peachy is another level for them in D2. Peachy has much better guys and QB, but honestly, Scared Hitless has them beat in the female department. That’s hard to do. But until they get these ladies some help, they can’t hang with the Peachy machine. PEACHY PLATOON BY 18

 

XTC vs Slytherin That End Zone (+4) – One team went 2-0 and answered questions the league had about them. The other went 0-2 and raised a whole lot of “oh man what’s up with this team here?” questions. I’ll take the trend here. XTC BY 8

 

Losing Streak vs Bullet Club (+2) – Losing Streak continues being impressive, taking another victory last week. Meanwhile, Bullet Club looks in disarray, and now their playoff lives might be in trouble. Bullet Club needs this game more, but reports of QB Scotty’s “bland” offense has many worried about what could happen here. LOSING STREAK BY 4

 

Mountain Dew Me vs Passed Our Prime (+9) – Great to see POP get that first win, but good luck keeping up with the Swedish Speed Demons (It doesn’t matter that they’re probably not Swedish.) and Joey Batts. The McGregors seemed to have been cloned in a lab, and Joey has them on the right track. MOUNTAIN DEW ME BY 13

 

Mountain Dew Me vs Losing Streak (+3) – Well, now MDM runs into a team that can for sure keep up with them. So when a team can equal them in speed, and they’re taller, that is a mixture for doom for MDM right? LOSING STREAK BY 7

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

The Untouchaballs 38, Vaspian 29

Top Shot 38, The Untouchaballs 19

The Angels 35, Wolfpack 32

Top Shot 40, All We Do Is Quinn 14

Grey Hair Don’t Care 33, Frodo Swaggins 7

 

               The Untouchaballs show that they’re a very solid, middle of the division team, winning the game the should win against Vaspian, and then losing to D3 favorite, Top Shot. The Angels were Mattyless, but they still went out and beat Wolfpack. It’s fun to finally see the Angels in their competitive comfort zone where they just aren’t always blowing teams out left and right. Top Shot went up and beat up on Quinn, which is of course the quickest way to make people question how fair Blasé’s roster really is in D3. Grey Hair went out and beat up on a shorthanded Frodo, but regardless, GHDC has been sneakily one of the better teams in the league as of late, and someone the top teams need to look out for.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

All We Do Is Quinn vs The Untouchaballs (+9) – Quinn is old news now. Just kidding, but they definitely don’t feel like the sure things anymore. Frodo and Top Shot have risen over them in the “D3 title rankings” and AWDIQ can really use the big win to remind everyone who they are. It starts here. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 18

 

Frodo Swaggins vs Vaspian (+13) – Frodo looks to have their team back this week, which isn’t a good sign for Vaspian. Even with Drew playing, Frodo shouldn’t have much of an issue. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 14

 

Grey Hair Don’t Care vs Wolfpack (+9) – Like I said earlier, Grey Hair is playing pretty well, and Wolfpack might be D4 bound for next season. I really think GHDC has figured out their game, so this one could be ugly. (Okay, the Wolfpack could never be called ugly.) Grey Hair takes out the pretty boys. GREY HAIR DON’T CARE BY 17

 

Top Shot vs The Angels (+11) – Quite the intriguing matchup going on here, but based solely off of feel, Top Shot seems to be handling D3 a little better than the Angels right now. This one will be close, but I think Top Shot pulls it out. TOP SHOT BY 2

 

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Cobblestone 32, TOX 8

Practice Squad 32, Freeballers 23

Freeballers 32, Not So Sticky 20

Cunning Stunts 44, Cobblestone 36

Cunning Stunts 44, Not So Sticky 41

Cobblestone 30, Woodpeckers 0

 

               Darryl goes 2-1, Cobblestone moves to 3-3, and inserts themselves in the mix for the D4 title. The world is happy! Being in the mix in D4 doesn’t mean much when the Stunts are running through everyone though. They’re on track to join the Angels in D3 as soon as next season perhaps. Please. But first they have to get through a very game Practice Squad team that may have D3 aspirations of their own. Freeballers went 1-1 and continue to show marked improvements across the board, and they might be a QB change away from really doing some damage. Not So Sticky continues to have a lot of fun in losses, so there’s that. TOX and the Woodpeckers continue to lose, nothing more to see here.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Itches and Ohs vs Freeballers (+1) – I think the off week will hinder Itches a little bit, and the Freeballers will take home a victory they can be proud of. FREEBALLERS BY 3

 

TOX vs Woodpeckers (+13) – I’m not sure who’s throwing for TOX with Topper not around, but whoever it is will still be winning the QB matchup in this one. TOX BY 8

 

Cobblestone vs Freeballers (+8) – The Freeballers have never battled someone as magical as Darryl Carr QB Superstar, but they’re going to learn first hand this week. COBBLESTONE BY 8

 

Buffalo Vice vs Not So Sticky (+24) – Hey Andy Clark. 24 points is the spread. You can beat that. I know it. Not So Sticky might be in trouble against one of the league’s better defenses. Wait. There’s no “might be” here. BUFFALO VICE BY 31.

 

Cunning Stunts vs Practice Squad (+1) – MARQUEE MATCHUP ALERT. At least, I think it is. I really hope we don’t get duped out of a great game because people are too busy camping or selfishly spending time with their families. Shout out to Kenny Lantz (secretly the best Lantz, very, very secretly) for dropping me the Practice Squad report. We know a ton about the Stunts, but the Squad is chock full of people other than B and Renee. Ashtin Fiegel is still one of the best kept secrets in the league, and she’s so good that it forces PS to keep her brother Kyle on the team. Part of the reason the defense is so good? Jamie McCabe and Kyle Geertman (that’s a fun name to be saddled with your entire life) have been playing safety together for so long (literally during the PS rise to power) that they finish each other’s sentences. They’re good enough that Mike Blanchard is relegated to #3 safety, and he actually played in college. On top of all that, Sean and Amy Hayden have been around since the beginning, and both are perfect utility players that can do it all, so whenever PS is missing someone, they have the ability to fill the holes. Oh, and they even have hot new prospect Emily Wyse who has unlimited potential as she learns the game. Bottom line? Practice Squad is good, improving, and they’re set up NICELY for the future. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 6

 

Itches and Ohs vs Woodpeckers (+16) – It’s just hard to really pick the Peckers in any game right now. ITCHES AND OHS BY 10

 

Jabronies vs Cobblestone (+2) – A quietly fun matchup between two teams that have been good, but not great. At least not yet. Jabronies are rounding into form, but it seems Team Carr is a step ahead in that department. This game is going to go to the QB who blinks last. Look for a late Darryl interception to end this. JABRONIES BY 3

 

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Puckett All-Stars 42, Wasted Potential 8

The Bambs 28, Show Me Dem TDs 16

ILF 34, UWM 14

 

               Slow week in D5, but a very telling one. The sleeping giant that is Puckett is waking up. They absolutely demolished Wasted Potential, who was just getting some confidence as a potential contender here. The Bambs got a nice win over Show Me, and didn’t look like they had much trouble doing so either. ILF overcame a rough first half to ruin the Spring debut of Scott Keller Sr, like a bunch of jerks.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Breast Friends vs Show Me Dem TDs (+3) – I can’t imagine a world where this team figures out how to beat a gender team just yet. Hopefully Timmy Z has been scouting on the sidelines to get some idea in how to do it, but this feels like a matchup between two teams going in opposite directions. BREAST FRIENDS BY 13

 

Wasted Potential vs The Bambs (+2) – I have to think last week was an anomaly for WP, but I also know that they won’t have Coach Jay this week, so that kind of worries me for this one. Look for The Bambs to pull the upset. THE BAMBS BY 8

 

Puckett All-Stars vs ILF (+8) – ILF is becoming a very good team, and it seems like Andrew Kicak has multiple interceptions every game, according to various sources (including himself). But like Topper said on the podcast this week, maybe Puckett is in a division too low. They just keep flying under the radar. Well, no longer! PUCKETT ALL STARS BY 6

 

Zack Attack vs University Wealth Management (+18) – Blood bath going to ensue. The best team in the division versus the not best team in the division. ZACK ATTACK BY 23

 

Zack Attack vs The Bambs (+4) – The Bambs offense is going to struggle against the suffocating defense of Zack Attack. ZA rolls to another 2-0 week. ZACK ATTACK BY 17

 

D6:

 

Last Week’s Scores:

Graves Bros 51, Victorious Secret 34

Lenny’s Ladies 51, Juiced 41

Spinelli’s Plumbing 55, Travis Henry’s Kids 24

TMA 31, The Bi-Polar Express 25

 

               Graves Bros overcame a slow start to come back on Jordan and the girls this week. A week after getting beat up by the Tater Tots, Lenny’s Ladies rallied back and put up 50 points of their own in a win against Juiced, who are starting to show a little promise. In the big game, Spinelli’s rocked THK and firmly planted their flag in the “D6 title contender” mountain. What a thrashing I wasn’t expecting. And TMA took on their old friends in the Bi-Polar Express, coming back from a multiple score deficit to win yet again.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Graves Bros vs Lenny’s Ladies (+7) – While Lenny’s Ladies continue to show improvement (especially when they have their roster show up, which I’ve been told is a little issue), they struggle with teams like Graves Bros still as they continue to learn how to play defense. Graves shouldn’t have a problem here. GRAVES BROS BY 16

 

Spinelli’s Plumbing vs Victorious Secret (+15) – Spinelli’s is on a tear right now, and I can’t see anyone derailing them right now. SPINELLI’S PLUMBING BY 28

 

TMA vs Travis Henry’s Kids (+2) – TMA has been very good, but so has THK. I really think we’re at the point in the season where we get too excited for the TMA D6 Championship chatter, and they lay their egg in a game you didn’t expect them too. Yeah, here we are. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 13

 

Blitzkrieg vs The Bi-Polar Express (+1) – It really feels like we’re close to seeing a few more wins from BPX. Gordon seemingly has a more consistent roster that’s been playing well, but they’re JUST missing out on a few wins. Blitzkrieg is also coming up short a lot this season too. This should be a very good game, but I like the mild upset, even if Allie won’t play for BPX. THE BI-POLAR EXPRESS BY 4

 

Tater Tots vs Juiced (+23) – Tots good. Juiced not good. TATER TOTS BY 32

 

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. How will the JKSL fare in its first week of existence? This might be the first time in league history that one of Lenny, Topper, or Rameer won’t be at the fields. It’s a very scary place to think about the league without Topper, but let’s see how things go as we get a glimpse into the future. It’ll be fine, right? Right?

 

2. How many people will miss for Memorial Day weekend? Attendance at the fields and the bar is always a pretty record low for this holiday weekend. I really hope Brent is there at least to make everyone smile.

 

3. Who else can referee in this league? Coach Jay has done a great job with the refs, but sadly we’ve had some issues with staffing because of real life things like vacations and whatnot. Thank you to those who already volunteer their time to ref and help the league, but we could REALLY use a few more people to be “on call”. If you’re interested in helping out occasionally, email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and let him know!

 

4. What will the fields be like this week? I was faxed lots of complaints that the fields were too hard. Of course, when I checked the weather for tomorrow in Buffalo (60 degrees, party cloudy by the way) I noticed that its 42 degrees and raining today? I don’t miss living in Buffalo, it’s too erratic. Wow. Either way that should soften up the fields.

 

5. What’s the absolute best game of the day if everyone shows up? Cunning Stunts vs Practice Squad is going to be awesome. I really hope they’re both at 100%. Don’t let me down.

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS ABOUT SATURDAY:

 

1. Breakfast Club Predictions: Stone Cold Kellers 34 – Valkyries 30, Great White Clarkes 42 – The EMigoes 27, Peanut Butter Kelly Time 27 – Drive me CURRazy 24, Steph It Up A Notch 33 – Robin’s Nest 31.

 

2. Here are the best games to watch this week, every hour:

               10:00 – Tight Ends In Motion vs Sticky Bandits

               11:00 – A&A vs Mountain Dew Me

               12:00 – Freeballers vs Cobblestone

               1:00 – TMA vs Travis Henry’s Kids

               2:00 – Practice Squad vs Cunning Stunts

               3:00 – Mountain Dew Me vs Losing Streak

 

3. We could definitely use more dogs at the fields, which will lead to more pictures of said dogs.

 

4. Speaking of, the podcasts are sounding better since Topper got a bunch of podcasting equipment but we need a better intro AND we need to not hear the dogs constantly running around in the studio. The dog tags jingling can be pretty distracting. At least to me anyway.

 

5. I’m getting excited thinking about who’s going to be on the TSL Bachelorette this upcoming offseason. Hopefully we find Lauren true love, or at least someone with nice muscles.

 

6. I have this feeling the Cunning Stunts would beat the Angels 2 out of 3 games if they played a 3 game series.

 

7. With Lenny and Rameer Day on the horizon, send out invites to as many TSL alumni as you can to get them to the fields next week! Let’s make it a party!

 

8. Am I correctly hearing rumors about certain pink teams QB’d by Jeff May returning. They better call B’s Brother. That’s all I’m saying.

 

9. The bar has been rocking and every week we see more and more newcomers finally hanging out and understanding the full “TSL” experience. It’s really awesome to hear about!

 

10. I say this a ton, but thank you to everyone that takes time out of their day to support the league. Whether you’re in “management”, you referee, you clean up the fields, you help out wherever it’s needed: Thank you. It always takes a village, but its even better when the village couldn’t be more helpful.

 

Enjoy your holiday weekend, and have fun out there. Stay safe, wear sunscreen.

 

-GF

Week 4 thoughts, picks, and Insights

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 14 May 2021 14:24

Published: Friday, 14 May 2021 14:24

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 10428

 

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, tomorrow morning you will once again be able to descend upon the Angry Buffalo, check into your Topper Sports COVID app, put your gloves on along with your cleats and your matching colored shirts and prepare for battle as the Race for Social Co-Ed Football Immortality rages on!

 

I know you’re just as excited to play as I am to hear about how you played. I appreciate those of you who consistently text, telegram, and email me. The few who still fax me, I appreciate you even more. My conversations with some of the league’s best on a weekly (or bi-weekly) basis have been awesome. I still don’t get to hear from enough of you though! I know for a fact that a very large chunk of you read this article on a weekly basis. You wait all week for it. Yeah, you get to read The Sentinel to hold you over. And the power rankings are fun. . . if you’re a QB. The podcast is a nice, and long, look into the league. But we know where the bread is buttered here. This article is the reason you check the site at least once a week. So why don’t you take a few minutes out of your week to give me the heads up on how your team is doing, or what you think about the league,  or really just about anything TSL related so I can give you (and others) the proper shoutouts? Just email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and let’s chat. There are too many players whose names I don’t know, and I want them to get the proper publicity! The TSL is all about giving the right people their credit, so come and give some! New stars, new storylines, new faces. It’s all part of the fun of the TSL, and the more information the better.

 

Okay, shameless plugs and pleas for help aside, WEEK FOUR IS HERE! The fun starts fast and furious as Breakfast Club seems to have multiple bets on their games this week. And the action stays hot and heavy all the way through 4:00. Teams are continuing to hit their stride while others may or may not be slightly cracking under the intense pressure to perform in the World’s Greatest Co-Ed Football Experience.

 

Also, for those that didn’t know, May 15^th is also “Buy Topper a Corona and Take A Picture With Him” Day. Please email me all of your pictures with Topper so we can post them on the website/Facebook/Instagram and see just how many pictures we can get of our “Lord” (this is apparently a thing we’re doing?) and his people.

 

Best picture with Topper from this Saturday will win a free bucket.

 

No, he doesn’t know this is happening. At least he didn’t, until he read this.

 

Good luck!

 

Now, onto the games!

 

D1:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Tight Ends In Motion 52, Sloppy Seconds 20

Eyes Downtown 43, Sloppy Seconds 40

Sticky Bandits 21, Why So Serious 0 (Forfeit, obviously)

Public Enemy 34, Eyes Downtown 28

 

The league’s most boring and uninteresting division continues on being just that. Tight Ends show that they’re ALMOST the class of D1 as they’re on a collision course with Public Enemy for the “Let’s get revenge because we blew the last title game” rematch, disposing of Sloppy Seconds. However, it’s pretty fun to see Sloppy Seconds versus the New Eyes Downtown play a game where Sloppy should’ve won it. And if you’re basically a brand new roster, is that time to change your team name? This isn’t Eyes Downtown. Of course I don’t even know what they’d call themselves now, probably something dumb like “Bobby’s Boys” so maybe they just keep it for now. Anyway, it took an entire team not to show up for Sticky to score more than single digits, so good for them. It’s almost like Sticky needs one more piece to start competing more. It’s almost like a Dave Baker-type player would be perfect for them. Finally, Public Enemy got its first real test of the season, and they passed it with flying colors. They’re just dialed in, waiting for the Tight Ends game. That’s the real test.

 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Sloppy Seconds vs Sticky Bandits (+9) – Not a whole lot of action this time around in D1, but what we do have is a pretty nice “revenge” game for Alex Buchlis. Let’s face it, as much as we make fun of Baker for ditching Sticky, let’s give some attitude towards Tight Ends AND Sticky both for ditching Alex at QB when he got hurt for other QBs. Yeah, okay, maybe things have been good with Bro and Mike Thomas, but at some point you have to feel for Alex, who’s becoming the people’s champion in a way. I really hope he shows no mercy here. SLOPPY SECONDS BY 17

 

Tight Ends In Motion vs Eyes Downtown (+8) – Tight Ends is on cruise control, while New Eyes Downtown (NED? Should we call them NED?) is rounding into form but still has a few hiccups in their growth together, which is to be expected. An upset would be quite spicy, but it’s not in the cards yet. TIGHT ENDS BY 13

 

D2:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Slytherin That End Zone 31, Scared Hitless 7

When Dove Cries 23, Bullet Club 22

A&A 32, Losing Streak 6

Peachy Platoon 32, Mountain Dew Me 25

Peachy Platoon 46, XTC 34

 

               SITE came back after a week off and Matt Newman sort of reintroduced himself to D2, playing a great game and reminding EVERYONE just why SITE is a D2 favorite. Scared Hitless turned back into the mistake prone “maybe not quite ready for D2” team, which means they’re just not using Jonny Football nearly enough. Topper and Joe K went to battle for the 400^th time, and a late WDC TD lead to a win for Topper, who’s playing some great football. The problem with a new team like Losing Streak getting a lot of positive publicity is that they had to run into a Matty Ice who wasn’t getting enough. A&A did what they do best, and shut up not only their own critics, but they made the supporters of their opponents wonder just what exactly they were thinking. You forget how good Matty can be with a chip on his shoulder. Blame the power rankings committee. The Platoon had a nice win in the battle of “teams that are mostly families” and Mountain Dew Me is performing well with Joey Batts at QB, even if he seems slower than ever this season. Peachy would go on to play a fun game against XTC, but the old horses just didn’t have enough gas in the tank to keep up with these hyper athletic Thompsons, who I’m almost positive were grown in a lab somewhere down south.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

A&A vs Peachy Platoon (+2) – Oh, this one should be good. Really, really good. Matty vs Dean is an S-Tier level matchup, and A&A is one team that can match the Platoon’s speed and athleticism. This would be our Monday Night Football matchup, probably the best one of the Week hands down. Both teams are rolling right now. Give the nod to the slight experience. A&A BY 1

 

Bullet Club vs Slytherin That End Zone (+3) – These two teams have had a nice rivalry as of late, with some really good back and forth games. I think, with both teams at full capacity, that they’re evenly matched. It’ll come down to which QB makes a mistake first. Scotty and Newman are both just slinging it about as good as anyone right now. Can I predict a tie? No, I won’t. SITE BY 1

 

When Dove Cries vs Mountain Dew Me (+1) – What a slate of D2 games! Topper vs Joey Batts? Great stuff here. WDC seems very dialed in right now, while MDM is still figuring out a few kinks. If this game was played later in the season, it might be a different story, but for now: WHEN DOVE CRIES BY 1

 

XTC vs Scared Hitless (+7) – This is the game that Scared Hitless need to win if they’re going to do anything in the division this season. It isn’t that XTC are some pushovers, they’re extremely talented and they have approximately 42,560 seasons of combined experience here. But Father Time is creeping in and Scared Hitless should be able to out athletic XTC. But can they outsmart them? That is the question as two 0-3 teams look to get important playoff tiebreaker wins here.  SCARED HITLESS BY 1

 

Slytherin That End Zone vs Mountain Dew Me (+1) – The second game for both teams, the second tough matchup for both teams. I think the biggest question here is going to be just how will the MDM defense fare against the SITE play calling? I think that’s the biggest (even if its slight) advantage in the game, and that’s how SITE pulls this one out. SITE BY 1

 

Losing Streak vs Passed Our Prime (+3) – Will the real Passed Our Prime please stand up? POP looks like the chumps of the division, but most of that is because they’ve been playing with a skeleton crew, and Keyon can’t do everything. Losing Streak should be angry, licking their wounds after a bad day at the office last week against A&A. These two teams know each other very well, so this could be a really fun one. LOSING STREAK BY 1

 

Passed Our Prime vs Scared Hitless (+5) – It’s a double header week for both teams, but this is the kind of week that could really send both teams “to the moon” or have them looking towards next season. For those who don’t remember, D2 has 10 teams, which means two won’t make the playoffs. This is a match up of two teams that are currently winless, so we have another pretty big playoff tiebreaker matchup. PASSED OUR PRIME BY 1

 

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Frodo Swaggins 41, All We Do Is Quinn 34

Matty’s Angels 50, Vaspian 22

Top Shot 46, Wolfpack 14

The Untouchaballs 24, Grey Hair 22

Top Shot 25, Grey Hair 6

 

               All hail King Garrett. The Frodo QB put his team on the map yet again, and made everyone remember just how good they are. Frodo is now in the driver’s seat in D3, which is where they always have been. They seem to be rolling, while the doubts in Quinn’s head can start earlier this season. Matty’s Angels did that thing they do to everyone and just rolled Vaspian. There’s no shame in it. Top Shot did what they were supposed to do this week, and handily defeat both teams they played. They’re officially in “contender” status, and they’ll only go as far as Dylan Jaloza will take them. Or until they get sick of Blasé. Wolfpack and Grey Hair had some rough games, but there’s a lot of season left for them to get it together. The Untouchaballs finally cashed in on that “promise” they’ve been showing the league and notched their first win of the year.

 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Frodo Swaggins vs Matty’s Angels (+3) – Well, here’s the heavyweight bout people were looking for in D3. Frodo just took over the mantle of “team to beat” in the division, but the Angels have spent years beating the “team to beat” and morphing into the team to beat themselves. This is going to be a fantastic game, and if we showed games live on the internet (TOPPER! IDEA!) this would be a marquee attraction. I don’t know who to pick here, both teams are excellent, so I’ll go with the girls. MATTY’S ANGELS BY 6

 

Wolfpack vs Vaspian (+2) – Two teams still finding themselves as the season goes on, both show potential, but they also show that they don’t always reach said potential. This is a perfect game for both teams to get a win here, but let’s roll with “the underdog” here. VASPIAN BY 2

 

All We Do Is Quinn vs Wolfpack (+14) – I’m sorry Wolfpack. Not only do you have two games this week, the second one is against a very angry (or at least they should be) AWDIQ. Quinn doesn’t like to lose (regardless of how often they do it in the playoffs) and I think they’re refocused after last week’s loss. Maybe they underestimated Frodo without Scotty at QB? Who knows, but Wolfpack is probably going to pay for it. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 18

 

Grey Hair Don’t Care vs Vaspian (+2) – Two teams still finding themselves as the season goes on, both show potential, but they also show that they don’t always reach said potential. This is a perfect game for both teams to get a win here, but let’s roll with “the underdog” here. VASPIAN BY 2

Matty’s Angels vs Grey Hair (+15) – I just don’t think Grey Hair has the horses to run with the Angels. Grey Hair is talented, yes, but the key to keeping up with gender teams is get gender TDs of your own. I’m not sure Grey Hair has the female talent to score gender TDs every time and that will hurt them here. MATTY’S ANGELS BY 24

 

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Buffalo Vice 51, Itches and Ohs 16

Jabronies 38, TOX 28

Cunning Stunts 43, Woodpeckers 15

Practice Squad 40, Cobblestone 8

Practice Squad 31, Jabronies 28

Cobblestone 46, Not So Sticky 7

 

               Buffalo Vice just showed again why they may be D4’s most complete team. Just dominant in another victory. The Jabronies had two very impressive games, winning against TOX, and looking good in defeat to Practice Squad. Practice Squad went 2-0, and while they RUINED Darryl’s first game back, they showed that they’re going to be in the mix for this title. There hasn’t been a better overall free agent acquisition for a team than when PS got B to QB. Best story in the league. The Stunts abused the Woodpeckers who were reportedly falling apart on each other on the sidelines. That’s not a good sign. Guys, everyone loses to the Stunts, don’t take it personally. They’re GOOD. And finally, Darryl just beat up on Jeff Krol’s side project, and he was incredibly gracious in victory it seems, drinking with NSS afterwards. Just a quality human.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Practice Squad vs Woodpeckers (+21) – This is where we’re at in three weeks. The Peckers went from dominant “MOVE THEM UP” D6 team to getting 21 points against last year’s D5 runner ups. That’s not a knock on PS, for the record. I just don’t think that 21 points is where this line needs to be. The Peckers definitely weren’t ready to play a gender team and it showed, but they’re also adjusting to the league. It’ll be much closer than this for sure. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 7

 

Buffalo Vice vs TOX (+22) – Stopping the Vice offense just feels impossible for anyone in D4, but I DO think that TOX will be able to call some smart plays and stay in the game. 22 is a lot of points here. TOX feels weirdly underrated right now, and they deserve a little more respect. But I don’t think they pull this out, don’t get me wrong. Vice is the cream of the crop. BUFFALO VICE BY 13

 

Jabronies vs Not So Sticky (+15) – Not So Sticky hasn’t been great since a Week 1 victory against a Juiced team that’s struggled in D6 since. It’s not their fault, they’re literally there to have fun and have a few drinks. The goal isn’t winning so much as it is enjoying the experience and having a great time. They’re nailing that, by all accounts. Jabronies meanwhile, are focused more on the winning part, which is why that’s what they’ll be doing. JABRONIES BY 9

 

Itches and Ohs vs Cobblestone (+7) – The disrespect for Darryl! Itches has been a good team, and now that they’re getting used to their new roster, they’ll only be getting better. Cobblestone has been a TSL staple since probably before the league even started somehow, and it seems people are forgetting just how good they are. Give me the “upset” and Darryl’s Hair. COBBLESTONE BY 4

 

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

The Bambs 28, UWM 26

Wasted Potential 28, Show Me Dem TDs 26

Zack Attack 18, Puckett All-Stars 13

ILF 40, Breast Friends 34

 

               A lot of one score games this week in D5, which is a good thing. The Bambs pull out a win against UWM, who is still searching for a win (and a QB it seems). Wasted Potential continues to improve, gutting out a close one with Show Me. Zack Attack still struggles to score a ton, but their defense is top notch, shutting down Puckett this time en route to a 4-0 record. ILF handed Travis and the girls their 2^nd loss of the season, in a hard fought game. Per a gloating email from Andrew Kicak this week, They had Alex Baker rush Travis so he couldn’t just run around for 50 minutes in the backfield. This lead to a few ints from Travis and ILF won it on the last play of the game. Championship preview? Maybe.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Breast Friends vs University Wealth Management (+17) – Even at 3-2, Breast Friends has the highest Points For in the division. (We’ll ignore they played an extra game over ILF) while UWM struggles to stop anyone, allowing 152 points in 4 games. This doesn’t bode well for the Keller clan. They probably need more Kevin. BREAST FRIENDS BY 24

 

Show Me Dem TDs vs Puckett All-Stars (+1) – This should be a very evenly contested matchup of two teams that have played together for quite some time but are still making adjustments every week. I think it’s going to come down to offense, and Show Me is much better in that category, so SHOW ME DEM TDS BY 12

 

ILF vs Wasted Potential (+3) – It’s weird saying this about ILF, but if Wasted Potential has championship aspirations, this is their measuring stick. WP has proved they score, and I’m sure they’ll do exactly that against ILF, but the question is going to be if they can ever stop them. I’m thinking no, not yet. ILF BY 7

 

Zack Attack vs Wasted Potential (+6) – What a heck of a double header for WP this week, against the top teams in the division. Weirdly enough, I think they’ll have an easier time stopping the Zack Attack offense, it just really will come down to if Coach Jay can figure out how to score on a fantastic defense. I’m calling the upset here: WASTED POTENTIAL BY 2

 

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Tater Tots 37, Victorious Secret 8

Blitzkrieg 35, Lenny’s Ladies 28

TMA 32, Spinelli’s Plumbing 29

Graves Bros 40, The Bi-Polar Express 34

Travis Henry’s Kids 34, Juiced 20

 

               Tater Tots continue to play very well against the D6 gender teams, but let’s not forget that they’ve been slowly getting better every season since coming into the league. Victorious Secret still has some growing pains for adjusting to a new league, but I’m confident that Jordan and the girls will figure this out before the season’s end. Blitzkrieg knocked away the game winning TD on the game’s final play to take a win over Lenny’s Ladies. Shout out to Allie for juking the entire field out on a long 6-0 TD run. TMA got Ryan back at QB. No Dio? No problem. Ryan may have played his best game in a TMA uniform, dicing up Spinelli’s, and winning on the final drive. Welcome back. Graves Bros pulled out a win against BPX, as the two teams once again had a one score game. They always play each other tough. Finally, Travis Henry’s Kids is the best new team nobody is talking about, as they trounced Juiced 34-20.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Travis Henry’s Kids vs Graves Bros (+5) – Remember how I said nobody is talking about THK? Well, this is the fastest way to fix that. Graves Bros are the D6 title favorites, but a big win here puts THK firmly in the mix. This is easily the biggest game of their young TSL careers, and I can’t wait to see how they respond. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 1

 

Victorious Secret vs Juiced (+3) – Juiced is still struggling to figure things out on their end, which means VS is catching them at the perfect time. The girls are ready for their first win, after coming so close in their other matchups. Everyone of course, wants them to win. I want them to win. Look for Erika to continue her stellar play here as they get the W. VICTORIOUS SECRET BY 7

 

TMA vs Blitzkrieg (+5) – It’s really funny. I yelled at Alex from BK to email me, and he did. He described TMA as their rivals. I think at least 3 teams would consider TMA that. But who is TMA’s biggest rival? It’s probably Tater Tots, right? Anyway, this is a big week for BK to get back on the map, so they’re ready for TMA. The problem is that TMA is sneakily maybe the best team in D6. Hear me out: They’re 2-2, but one of those losses was to the Woodpeckers in Week 1, and the other was a last second loss to Graves Bros. If they played Juiced instead of WP, they probably win, and one bounce the other way in the Graves game makes them 4-0. BK’s two losses came in a double header week without their starting QB. There’s a world where this is a huge matchup of two 4-0 teams. Maybe they really are rivals. TMA BY 3.

 

Tater Tots vs Lenny’s Ladies (+13) – The Tots played Lenny’s Ladies a few times last year and it never went well for the girls. The Tots are rolling along while Joe K and the Ladies are still figuring out defense. It takes a while. I also hear that they have attendance issues with scheduling conflicts each week, as is usually the case with gender teams. It’s hard to get a defense installed that way, so it’ll still take some time, but they keep showing improvement, which is great for the league. I can’t see them pulling this out though. TATER TOTS BY 15

 

Spinelli’s Plumbing vs The Bi-Polar Express (+11) – Is Spinelli’s good? They’re 2-1 but I’m not entirely sure I’ve seen enough from them to consider them a main contender to the title. This will be a good test for both teams but I think BPX needs this one more. Slight upset alert: THE BI-POLAR EXPRESS BY 2

 

Graves Bros vs Blitzkrieg (+2) – Really big week for BK here. If they can go 2-0 against Graves and TMA, they’re looking GREAT. Graves continues to be a very good team that stays underappreciated. A big win against BK here could really do wonders for how the league sees them as contenders. GRAVES BROS BY 8

 

Spinelli’s Plumbing vs Juiced (+13) – Even if I had to ask if Spinelli’s is good, I know Juiced is not. Not yet anyway. It takes time. SPINELLI’S PLUMBING BY 12

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. What’s the best D2 QB matchup? There’s some barnburners this week, with Topper vs Joey Batts, Jordan vs Jeremy, and Newman vs Scotty Dro, but it’s very clearly the show to watch is Matty Ice vs Dean. Matty Ice is essentially playing a younger version of himself in Dean, and he has to figure out a way to beat him. This comic book narrative is right up his alley anyway.

 

2. Wine tournament teams forming? The excitement Trish showed about the wine tournament on the podcast this week is exactly the reason why they have it. It sounds like teams are already forming, so it’ll be interesting to see who plays with who in what is usually the biggest tampering event for the Fall season.

 

3. Will we finally have that “perfect day”? We’ve been close I hear. But Saturday is looking to be pushing 70 degrees with no wind and only slightly cloudy. I think we’re there. Sunscreen kids.

 

4. Who are the current most overrated teams in the TSL? All We Do Is Quinn, Bullet Club, and Spinelli’s Plumbing all look to be not as good as their current records show. Look for them to lose a few more games.

 

5. Who should move down a division next season? I still think Vaspian would benefit from playing in D4. Wolfpack looks that way too. Then again, half of D3 seems that way I guess. I think TOX bit off more than they could chew with a jump up. And UWM should consider sliding back too. And then of course, Sticky Bandits. Unless Baker decides to play with them and they try a D1 team WITH him this time. Could be fun.

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. Even if Joey Batts is looking slower these days, he’s still slinging it better than just about anyone on the fields.

 

2. The whispers of the Chris Cole retirement tour are starting to grow louder. I truly hope this isn’t his last season, and if he has to walk away from the game, he does so after the Fall so the league can give him a proper “Kobe-like” send off that lasts the whole season.

 

3. I really like how well the gender teams are playing. I’ll say it weekly, but The Angels and Stunts are incredibly established, and the third “longest” playing team is BPX, who still puts up points despite needing to adjust their roster season to season. Our three newer teams are also playing very well and improving each week, regardless of the record. Incoming gender team tournament? You never know.

 

4. Breakfast Club remains the highlight of many people’s day because of the less stressful nature of it. This week’s game predictions: Robin’s Nest 52 – Stone Cold Kellers 34, Great White Clarkes 38 – Drive Me CURRazy 36, Valkryies 31 – The EMigos 20, and Peanut Butter Kelly Time 34 – Steph It Up A Notch 27.

 

5. I didn’t get any updates to who picked who for the Topper vs Travis picks pool this week, but it looks like Topper cleaned up on Travis last week, which is what the people want anyway.

 

6. Paul Scinta is incredibly underappreciated. I think we’re overdue for a cheese platter. For that matter Brent McKenzie is too. Perhaps we can get them to sing a duet together.

 

7. Much better work on cleaning up the fields this week guys, you never cease to amaze me with how you work together as a group to right any potential wrongs.

 

8. Two straight weeks of DJ Jimmy has done wonders for general league morale. The new people to the league seem to love the ambiance it brings! Although, I think it’ll be a couple weeks before he returns. So that means prepare to get mad at Travis for his music choices.

 

9. Happy Birthday to Jimmy Hearn, who celebrated turning 40 with the league last weekend. And probably this weekend too, if we’re being honest. So many of you kids have no idea just how good his hands are when it comes to catching a football.

 

10. Finally, I’ve been told that Lauren O’Brien from TMA has agreed to be the next TSL Bachelorette. While I think I was told that Diana made her do it, all reports about her say she’s a lovely person. I’m a little torn on “running it back” when it comes to the Bachelorette since it’ll just be weird without Lenny, but I do think Joe K and Topper could do a really good job with this. So if you’re interested in being a contestant on winning a date with Lauren, talk to Joe K, Topper, Diana Bernal, or someone that isn’t Lauren at the fields. (We don’t want her to know who you are, that’s part of the fun).

 

Our season is in full swing, it seems like our COVID restrictions are loosening up around the country (NOTE: NOTHING HAS CHANGED FOR THE TSL CURRENTLY, CONTINUE HOW YOU HAVE BEEN UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE), and life is getting back to normal. It’s awesome. Go forth, and battle on the slightly soft gridiron, Social Co-Ed Football Immortality awaits you.

 

Good luck out there and have some fun everyone. Thanks for reading. And remember, I’ll be in the cut.

 

-GF

Week 5 Thoughts, Picks & Stuff

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 21 May 2021 13:21

Published: Friday, 21 May 2021 13:21

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 10148

 

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that we’re in the thick of the regular season, and teams are really starting to stand out one way or the other! The bad news? We’re at the halfway point of the season, so while the games and players are going to get a bit more intense as the playoffs get closer, it means that we’ve only have half a season left!

 

But let’s not dwell on that right now. What we need to focus on is how well things are going across the board for the league. We’ve had some excellent weather, some great football, and from what I’m hearing some great times at the bar too.

 

The halfway point of the session is always a good time for me to reflect on what’s happened so far, and of course, accurately predict the unpredictability of the rest of the TSL season. Let’s get right into it!

 

D1:

Last Week’s Games:

Sticky Bandits 54, Sloppy Seconds 16

Eyes Downtown 48, Tight Ends In Motion 29

 

               Only two games for D1 last week, but damn they’re quite surprising. Sticky gets its first non-forfeit win of the season, while Tight Ends is taken to the woodshed by the New Eyes Downtown. I don’t think anyone had both of these accurately predicted at all.

 

The Contenders:

Public Enemy (4-0)

Eyes Downtown (4-1)

Tight Ends In Motion (3-1)

 

The Pretenders:

Sticky Bandits (2-2)

Why So Serious? (0-4)

Sloppy Seconds (0-5)

 

               I don’t think you can really argue with this. Eyes Downtown’s big win over TEIM has moved them up into contender status officially for D1. Do I think they’ll win it all? No, because imagine a world where you have to beat Tight Ends In Motion, and then immediately have to beat Public Enemy? Not likely, for anyone. PE remains at the top of the mountain until anyone is brave enough to come in and knock them off. I do think TEIM just had a hiccup last week, and they’re the top contender to beat PE. It was probably the wakeup call they needed. Sticky Bandits are probably ecstatic with their big win over Sloppy Seconds, which is a roster made up of a lot of people that they know well and/or have donned the Sticky jersey in the past. Sloppy has looked to be improving before this upset, so it’ll be interesting to see how they respond to it. And Why So Serious? is here too. I know they’ve struggled with roster issues already. Last time I left them for dead, they made a nice second half run. Here’s hoping they do it again.

 

Prediction: Public Enemy vs Tight Ends In Motion, the revenge matchup we all want.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Sloppy Seconds vs Why So Serious? (+9) – There’s no time quite like the present for both of these teams to battle for their first victory. Clearly, that means they’re going to tie. While they have a combined 0-9 record here, one team is looking a lot closer to competing in the division right now than the other. SLOPPY SECONDS BY 10

 

Public Enemy vs Tight Ends In Motion (+4) – TEIM’s loss last week to Eyes Downtown was probably the worst thing that could’ve happened to PE in their off week. With the sting of that loss fresh in their minds, Tight Ends is going to be more focused than ever. This is the game both teams have been waiting for. There might be blood. But it’s hard to go against the champs until someone knocks them off. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 8

 

Tight Ends In Motion vs Why So Serious? (+25) – If TEIM loses to PE before this game, I’m going to feel very sorry for WSS. This could get very ugly. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 23

 

Eyes Downtown vs Sticky Bandits (+14) – Eyes Downtown is riding high right now, but so is Sticky Bandits. Both teams are coming off big wins, but it’s a lot more impressive to beat Tight Ends In Motion than it is to beat the collection of people who weren’t good enough to stay on the TEIM roster. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 13

 

D2:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Peachy Platoon 26, A&A 20

Slytherin That End Zone 30, Bullet Club 26

Mountain Dew Me 36, When Dove Cries 22

XTC 38, Scared Hitless 30

Mountain Dew Me 36, Slytherin That End Zone 30

Losing Streak 84, Passed Our Prime 29

Scared Hitless 46, Passed Our Prime 40

 

               Peachy and A&A went head to head in a great game that saw Peachy take a one score game against two of the best teams in the division. SITE and Bullet Club played another great game that saw a dropped TD on the game’s last play end it. MDM ran all over Team Topper and cruised to an easy win. XTC held off Scared Hitless to get their first win, and then Scared Hitless went out and beat Passed Our Prime to get theirs. MDM and SITE played another very good back and forth game that ended in one score. And finally, Losing Streak obliterated Passed Our Prime. I guess there were MULTIPLE pick 8s in the game’s final minutes.

 

The Contenders:

Peachy Platoon (4-1-1)

When Dove Cries (3-1-1)

A&A (3-1)

Mountain Dew Me (3-1)

Slytherin That End Zone (2-2)

Losing Streak (2-2)

Bullet Club (2-2)

 

The Pretenders:

XTC (1-3)

Scared Hitless (1-4)

Passed Our Prime (0-4)

 

               There seems to be a line in the standings right around the 7^th and 8^th teams. Unless POP magically gets their roster to show up for the second half of the season, they’re missing the playoffs. While it’s awesome that XTC and Scared Hitless got their first wins, they got them against the other “bottom 3” teams. One of these teams will make the playoffs though, and honestly now that I’m hearing Scared Hitless finally got female star Jaimie Warren back who missed the whole season before last week, look for them to be a much tougher out. They can sneak into the 8 seed, but I don’t know if they can compete with a Peachy Platoon just yet. Peachy sits atop the division, benefitting from playing an extra game so far. When Dove Cries is right behind them, showing that last season was more because of the players who didn’t play than those who did. A&A sits in 3^rd place, although it seems Matty Ice is going to miss some time to rest his injuries. That puts Travis behind center, but also takes him off the field at receiver. Mountain Dew Me had an excellent week last week, and I’m VERY interested to see how the second half of their season goes. Joey is doing some excellent work here. SITE sits at 2-2, but they’ve only had their starting QB for all of one of those games. Losing Streak continues to have a very good first TSL season, most recently asserting their dominance over POP. When this team is on, they’re ON. And they have the bonus of the other teams not really knowing them as well just yet. Bullet Club is hard to figure out. On one hand, they’re two plays away from being 4-0. On the other hand, their two wins came against the bottom two teams in the division. I have no idea what kind of team they really are just yet.

 

Prediction: The last time that Peachy, Team Topper, and A&A lead the division, none of them made the championship game. In an extremely close division, I’m going to say we’ll see Losing Streak take on Slytherin That End Zone in the finals.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Bullet Club vs XTC (+2) – XTC hasn’t had the easiest go of things this season, but it’s not as though they magically forgot how to play football. You can’t take them lightly, even in a “down” year. While BC still perplexes me, I want to lean towards them being better than they seem right now. This game will go a long way in showing that. BULLET CLUB BY 7

 

Losing Streak vs Scared Hitless (+11) – Not the best timing for Scared Hitless here. While they’ve seemed to find their offense lately, they run into the division’s highest scoring team. Scared Hitless’ biggest problem right now might be figuring out how to stop teams on defense, and this isn’t the team to try to work on that against. LOSING STREAK BY 16

 

A&A vs Bullet Club (+5) – The biggest story of course is going to be the lack of Matty Ice behind center for A&A. They already struggled a little to score points and losing one of the game’s best wont help that. Where they shine is on defense, and this game will come down to if A&A can stop Scotty Dro and Co. A&A BY 3

 

Slytherin That End Zone vs When Dove Cries (+2) – Another matchup of two closely matched teams. The biggest questions are on the side of who’s going to show up for each team? Will we see Newman? Will Topper’s newest weapon Devin return from injury? Lots of questions, no real answers. WHEN DOVE CRIES BY 3

 

When Dove Cries vs XTC (+1) – I understand the love for XTC considering they’re awesome people who’ve played this game for 100 years. 1 point feels wrong here though. WDC is just better. Assuming Topper isn’t awful. WHEN DOVE CRIES BY 7

 

Slytherin That End Zone vs Passed Our Prime (+9) – Until I see Bloomfield show up for POP, it’s hard to give them a win against any of the other teams in the division. SITE BY 17

 

Mountain Dew Me vs A&A (+1) – While we’ll miss the Joey Batts vs Matty Ice matchup we all want, it’s going to be very interesting to see if A&A can slow down the much speedier MDM. This isn’t an upset because they’re giving points, but this is the game MDM officially announces themselves as D2 top contenders. MDM BY 9

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Frodo Swaggins 45, Matty’s Angels 33

Vaspian 49, Wolfpack 9

Grey Hair Don’t Care 33, Vaspian 7

Grey Hair Don’t Care 42, Matty’s Angels 27

 

               Matty’s Angels have gone straight to Matty’s Ankles as his injuries combined with a lot of drops had the girls in trouble all day. With Matty on the mend, Bro Kleckler steps into the QB role and it’ll be fun to see how that goes. Frodo Swaggins is the best team in D3, and they continue to prove it. Their offseason roster changes led to them being a more complete team, as some of the newer players are much better than the old ones I’m told. Vaspian grabbed their first victory of the season, followed by getting beat up by Grey Hair. Grey Hair then went on to beat the Angels to go 2-0 on the day.

 

The Contenders:

Frodo Swaggins (4-0)

Top Shot (3-0)

All We Do Is Quinn (2-1)

 

Almost There:

Grey Hair (2-3)

Matty’s Angels (2-2)

 

The Pretenders:

Vaspian (1-3)

Wolfpack (1-4)

The Untouchaballs (1-3)

 

               It’s weird not saying the Angels aren’t a Contender, but for the first time in a long time it feels like they’re needing to adjust and learn how to win in D3. They can do it of course, but it’s okay that there’s a learning curve. I mean, they don’t need reinforcements or something, they have the roster they need to win the division, I just see it happening next season. Frodo Swaggins is flourishing with Garrett at QB, and it’s becoming clear they’re the team to beat in the division. Top Shot would like to have something to say about that, but I want to see a little bit more out of them before awarding them the title. And of course, you can’t count out AWDIQ, where they only lost to Frodo in a game they could’ve won. The top is heavy in D3. Grey Hair looked impressive last week but we need to see them do it against the better teams. Vaspian, Wolfpack, and The Untouchaballs all have some work to do to be considered anything more than a “virtual bye week” in the playoffs.

 

Prediction: Frodo Swaggins takes on All We Do Is Quinn in the finals. A true rivalry game befitting a D3 championship that both want and deserve.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Vaspian vs The Untouchaballs (+2) – The rise of Vaspian may continue here as they come off a big win last week. This is another winnable game for them as it seems like the Untouchaballs cant quite get it together yet. This one will be close, but VASPIAN BY 3

 

Top Shot vs The Untouchaballs (+9) – Rough week for Untouchaballs. Top Shot has been cruising against lesser competition and I expect that to continue. TOP SHOT BY 18

 

The Angels vs Wolfpack (+17) – Wolfpack can’t get anything going on either side of the ball. They’re the worst offense and defense in D3. They’ve attempted QB changes and everything. It’s just not working out for them, which happens with a new team. They may be better situated for D4. No Matty, No problem for the girls this week. THE ANGELS BY 24

 

Top Shot vs All We Do Is Quinn (+3) – NOW WE’RE TALKING. This is a big time matchup between two title contenders. We can see just how “for real” Top Shot is, as they take on the perennial playoff chokers in Quinn. We all know regular season Quinn is the best version of them, and I’m excited to see this big time marquee matchup. Give me the team that’s played together for forever. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 1

 

Frodo Swaggins vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+8) – With Grey Hair having a nice week last week, they won’t be able to catch Frodo off guard in this one. Every vibe I get from Frodo is that they’re very focused and they want that title. They can’t sleep on Grey Hair though, who has to look at this game as a statement one for them. Let’s see if they answer the call. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 2

 

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Practice Squad 43, Woodpeckers 20

Buffalo Vice 28, TOX 27

Jabronies 34, Not So Sticky 13

Itches and Ohs 32, Cobblestone 30

 

               Practice Squad continues to hum along here in D4, this time disposing of the overmatched Woodpeckers. Buffalo Vice is the class of the division, but it took Topper overthrowing a game winning 2 point conversion for them to escape TOX. Jabronies continue to learn how to play with each other, this time getting by Not So Sticky. And Itches and Ohs come up with a nice win against Cobblestone in a very close contest!

 

The Contenders:

Buffalo Vice (3-1)

Cunning Stunts (3-0)

Practice Squad (3-1)

 

Almost There:

Itches and Ohs (3-1)

Jabronies (2-2)

Freeballers (1-1)

Cobblestone (1-2)

TOX (1-3)

 

The Pretenders:

Woodpeckers (1-3)

Not So Sticky (1-3)

 

               Realistically, I can only see one of the top 3 teams walking away with the D4 title this session. Buffalo Vice, provided they can beat their nemesis in the Stunts, look very good this season, new jerseys included. It truly feels like its their time. But the Stunts haven’t lost a game yet and they look great now that the band is back together after an off year because of COVID. It’d be a great story to see them take D4, and then walk up to D3 to battle the Angels next season. Practice Squad fits in perfectly in D4, and moving up was *not* an issue for them at all. B has them humming along on offense, and their defense looks like it can hold its own against anyone in the league. Itches and Ohs sit at 3-1, which is pretty nice when you consider that they needed to patch together a roster last second. They have *extremely* underrated girls, and Steve Moser can sling it. They don’t feel as complete as the other three teams above them however. A strong second half can fix that. Jabronies are another team that’s getting used to each other and as a result, find themselves in the middle of things. Joe Miano is sliding into D4 QB of the Year chatter as hes taken a new roster and is getting better each week. I don’t know what to think of the Freeballers. That’s not a knock on this team, its just that they’ve only played two games: a 30-0 win, and a 43-19 loss. They have like two games a week for the rest of the season, so we’ll learn quickly if they’re a contender or a pretender. We just don’t have enough data yet. Cobblestone is still shaking off a little bit of rust, and if they right the ship a little bit, they can climb the standings. They’ve only played 3 games in two weeks so far, it’ll be nice to see how high this team can go. TOX is 1-3, but they’ve lost two games going for the game winning 2 point conversion on the final play (including the 1 point loss to Vice last week). If Topper wasn’t the only QB in the world that can overthrow Aaron, they’d be 3-1 and most likely in the “contender” category. They have male talent for days, but their females are the weak point here. They’re one decent to good woman away from really being the class of D4. The Woodpeckers came in like a wrecking ball and now they’re just wrecking themselves. D4 might’ve been too high of a jump up for them, but D6 wasn’t the place for them either. They need a better QB and they could probably do some damage, but it doesn’t look likely that it’ll happen this season. Not So Sticky is Jeff Krol’s passion project, but the team that’s there to have fun isn’t really doing too much on the field yet. I’m not 100% sure if they’re trying or not. That’s not a jab either, I just don’t know how much they’re valuing “fun” over “playing well”.

 

Prediction: Buffalo Vice takes on their old nemesis in the Cunning Stunts in the finals. It’s chalk, but it’s a great storyline too. Can Vice overcome?

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Practice Squad vs Freeballers (+10) – The answer to “who are the Freeballers?” comes quickly for D4 as they take on a very capable PS team. Renee has “the Squad” looking good in D4, and while I’d like to know more players on this team, I can’t without a lovely “this is the Practice Squad update” email from someone there. (This has to be you Kenny. Come on.) This game will be fun, I think. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 3

 

TOX vs Cobblestone (+1) -  Darryl vs. Topper. That’s all anyone ever wants in this life. There’s nothing else that needs to be said here. Break out the Coronas. TOX BY 3

 

Freeballers vs Not So Sticky (+14) – The Freeballers are going to take this game much more seriously than NSS, and I can see them walking away with one here. FREEBALLERS BY 17

 

Cunning Stunts vs Cobblestone (+7) – The Stunts are just on a different level here right now than Cobblestone is. CUNNING STUNTS BY 10

 

Cunning Stunts vs Not So Sticky (+20) – The Stunts are just on a different level here right now than Not Sticky is. CUNNING STUNTS BY 17

 

Itches and Ohs vs Woodpeckers (+18) -  Itches has been playing quite well this season, while the Peckers have not. I can’t envision the upset here, though I do expect to see the Peckers turn around their misfortune as soon as they get on the same page with each other. ITCHES AND OHS BY 4

 

Practice Squad vs TOX (+11) – 11 points feels like the right number when you look at the records, but currently this game should be touted as the best in the division this week. Look for a fun back and forth battle, that comes down to the wire. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 1 WHEN TOPPER OVERTHROWS AARON ON A GAME WINNING 2 POINT CONVERSION.

 

D5:

 

Last Week’s Scores:

Breast Friends 43, University Wealth Management 28

Puckett All-Stars 44, Show Me Dem TDs 34

Wasted Potential 55, ILF 33

Zack Attack 31, Wasted Potential 30

 

               Wasted Potential is not living up to their namesake as they smacked around ILF and then took the division leaders to the wire, losing by a single point to Zack Attack in an awesome game. Breast Friends took care of business on UWM, and Puckett walked away with a solid victory over Show Me. Not a ton of action, but lots of good games and interesting outcomes as we hit the halfway mark in D5.

 

The Contenders:

Zack Attack (5-0)

Breast Friends (4-2)

Wasted Potential (3-2)

ILF (3-2)

 

Almost There:

Puckett All-Stars (2-2)

 

The Pretenders:

The Bambs (1-2)

Show Me Dem TDs (1-4)

University Wealth Management (0-5)

 

               Zack Attack is the current #1 team in the weird TSL overall rankings that the standings page does. Their defense is tremendous, but they showed this week they can score if they need to to win. They feel like the most complete team in the division that is still improving with each week. Breast Friends are very good as they’re coming together as a team. As we know, any gender team that’s firing on all cylinders is a tough out for any Co-ed team. Wasted Potential might be the most talented team in the division overall, even as they’re still putting it all together. They look better in the minds of most everyone else than they did last week, with a dominating win over ILF and the 1 point loss to Zack Attack. Would anyone be surprised if they took the title? Nope. ILF has rapidly improved under Dave Baker, but there’s still some holes they’re working on overall. They’re definitely in the mix, as it’s impossible for them not to be with some of the players they trot out on the field each week. Puckett All-Stars doesn’t quite feel like they’re in the tier of the other 4 teams I mentioned, but they don’t quite feel like “pretenders” either. This veteran team has proven before that they can win in the playoffs as a low seed, so if they get rolling as the playoffs approach, I don’t think it would be surprising to see them take an upset win. The Bambs haven’t adjusted to the higher division just yet, though I do think they’ll acclimate themselves by season’s end. Look for them to be big in the division in the fall for sure. Show Me Dem TDs can score with the best of them, but they have no idea how to play defense, which it turns out is a pretty important part of football. They need to figure out what they’re doing when they don’t have the ball before they can truly compete here. UWM needs a QB. They know that. Granted, they don’t have much help on the defensive side of things either, but it doesn’t matter if you can’t score. Of course, we’re getting closer to the return of Scott Keller Sr, which means they’ll instantly become championship contenders as soon as that happens.

 

Prediction:  Wasted Potential meets up with Zack Attack in the finals, which is a must watch for everyone at the fields that day.

 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Wasted Potential vs Puckett All-Stars (+11) – Two teams that are playing well take each other on in this battle. The problem is that while both are playing well, one is playing well in a higher tier. I think we see a closer than you think game here, but the better team overall pulls it out. WASTED POTENTIAL BY 3

 

ILF vs UWM (+13) – The battle of the long names I don’t like typing out each time. These two teams are currently playing on two different levels. It’ll be hard to fathom a surprising upset here. ILF BY 18

 

The Bambs vs Show Me Dem TDs (+6) – These two teams seem closely matched, but like I said before, I’m not sure SMDTDs can stop anyone ever. The Bambs dig the long ball and they should be able to score on every possession. THE BAMBS BY 10

 

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Travis Henry’s Kids 46, Graves Bros 39

Victorious Secret 43, Juiced 42

TMA 28, Blitzkrieg 27

Tater Tots 52, Lenny’s Ladies 0

Spinelli’s Plumbing 45, The Bi-Polar Express 34

Graves Bros 27, Blitzkrieg 23

Spinelli’s Plumbing 40, Juiced 19

 

               Travis Henry’s Kids continue to impress as they walk away with a win against Graves Bros. The New Kids on the Block show they’ve got the right stuff, as they take each game step by step and they’re always hanging tough with any opponent. Victorious Secret got their first win in awesome last second fashion! That’s really cool, extra shout out to Melissa for her play on that game winning 2 point conversion! Good work! TMA snuck out a nice win against Blitzkrieg as they have another game go down to the last drive. The Tots beat up on Lenny’s Ladies to the tune of 7 interceptions. Everything the Tots did seemed to work for them this week. Spinelli’s took a win against BPX who had Tommy Hughes throwing for them. Spinelli’s is right in the thick of things for the D6 title picture. Graves Bros went 1-1 on the day as they took a 4 point win from Blitzkrieg. BK, on the other hand, went 0-2 but only lost both games by a combined 5 points. Lastly, Spinelli’s played again and took an easy one over Juiced.

 

The Contenders:

Tater Tots (5-1)

Spinelli’s Plumbing (4-1)

Travis Henry’s Kids (3-1)

Graves Bros (3-2)

TMA (3-2)

 

Almost There:

Blitzkrieg (2-4)

 

The Pretenders:

Lenny’s Ladies (1-3)

The Bipolar Express (1-3)

Victorious Secret (1-3)

Juiced (0-5)

 

               It’s crowded at the top, that’s for sure. The Tots continue to improve since they started being a franchise, and they find themselves *very* close to a championship. Spinelli’s has really figured things out this season themselves, and they just feel different this season. I don’t know what it is, but I’m looking forward to see how they progress this year. Travis Henry’s Kids just injected themselves straight into the D6 title picture from out of nowhere. It’s awesome to see how well they’re playing. Graves Bros can’t be counted out at 3-2. There’s a reason they’ve been title favorites for a few seasons now. TMA can’t be discounted either. Remember, there’s a world where they could be 5-0 right now. They’re playing some very good football, and if they get their defense back to where it usually is, look out. That’s not to say its bad, they’re just allowing a few more points than we’re used to seeing. Blitzkrieg SHOULD be in the contenders, but they’re just missing out on the marquee wins they need. They had two shots to get one last week, and came up short both times. Hence, almost there. It’s a fair ranking. Our pretenders give us all three of the gender teams in the division, as each team is dealing with its own issues. There is improvement, sure, but I don’t think any of these teams can be considered contenders. Juiced is there too, and they have a lot of work to do on both sides of the ball still.

 

Prediction: Travis Henry’s Kids take on TMA in the D6 title game.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Graves Bros vs Victorious Secret (+5) – Graves Bros can absolutely use a “statement” win to get them back on track. Enter Victorious Secret, who looked awesome last week in their win. Jordan isn’t going to make this easy for Graves. GRAVES BROS BY 2

 

Spinelli’s Plumbing vs Travis Henry’s Kids (+1) – A big time D6 battle that is must see TV this week. Both teams have looked excellent so far, but right now THK is playing at a higher level on defense, so I’m going to run with that. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 4

 

Lenny’s Ladies vs Juiced (+1) – Two teams that could really use a feel good win right now face off in D6. Juiced had Victorious Secret right where they wanted them and let it slip away last week. Lenny’s Ladies never really had the Tots where they wanted them and things slipped away quickly last week. This game should be close and entertaining. Give me the girls here. LENNY’S LADIES BY 3

 

TMA vs The Bipolar Express (+3) – This is a game that always leads to fireworks. Historically, BPX would lose a good chunk of their roster to TMA since they shared girls. That’s no longer the case, so this game should be more fun with both teams trotting out full rosters. It feels like these teams are trending in opposite directions currently though. TMA BY 8

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

1. Can Tight Ends In Motion upset and dethrone Public Enemy? They *can* but I don’t think they will. Public Enemy still has the better QB, and the better girls overall. It’s CLOSE though. If TEIM wants to win the D1 title, it’s probably better for them to lose this one and catch PE sleeping later on.

 

2. How will A&A and The Angels fare without Matty Ice? It’s a shame to hear about Matty’s injury, but at least it isn’t more serious. This will hurt A&A more, not because they’re in a higher division, but because taking Travis off the field is a downgrade. If A&A limped into the playoffs, I wouldn’t be surprised. The Angels don’t get “better” per se, but having a healthy Bro throwing to them can only help, provided he figures out the gender game.

 

3. Who’s the best “long shot” odds to win one of the division titles? Honestly, I think Mountain Dew Me has the potential to win it all in D2 with how they’re playing. They’re going to improve as time goes on. As for a little “deeper”, Blitzkrieg is close to really making some noise D6, and you can get nice odds on them currently.

 

4. Who’s going to win the Breakfast Club title? Predictions for that? It seems as though the Great White Clarkes are the class of Breakfast Club this time around, look for them to play Peanut Butter Kelly Time in the finals.

 

5. Any current front runners to win the upcoming TSL Bachelorette? I’m not sure of who the contestants are going to be just yet, but I have a feeling we’re going to get some of the best TSLers coming out of the woodwork for this contest. Lauren might have her hands full with this one. That fool.

 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. Here are your best games to watch each hour:

               9:00 – Robin’s Nest vs Great White Clarkes

               10:00 – Tight Ends In Motion vs Public Enemy

               11:00 – Bullet Club vs A&A

               12:00 – Cobblestone vs TOX

               1:00 – All We Do Is Quinn vs Top Shot

               2:00 – The Bambs vs Show Me Dem TDs

               3:00 – Frodo Swaggins vs Grey Hair Don’t Care

 

2. Breakfast Club predictions: Great White Clarkes 44 - Robin’s Nest 36, The EMigos 27 – Drive Me CURRazy 21, Peanut Butter Kelly Time 38 – Valkyries 31, and Stone Cold Kellers 28 – Steph It Up A Notch 27.

 

3. It’s looking like, from what I’m hearing, that Lenny and Rameer day keeps getting better and better. I think there will be music. Topper, Dunk Tank?

 

4. Even as COVID protocols are slowing everywhere around us, we’re still continuing our processes at the fields until we’re told otherwise. Keep this in mind, and thank you for your cooperation!

 

5. The Topper vs Travis betting spectacular continues, and Topper is dominating Travis. Yet again, I didn’t get the bets for this week, which makes for an uninteresting topic for me to tell you guys about. Woo.

 

6. Yet again, if you want more publicity in this article, email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. today! Tell me about your team!

7. Looks like the Power Rankings Committee couldn’t get their shit together this week, still haven’t seen a sniff of an article from them. Don’t they know that Friday is Godfather Day? There’s a reason this article is the most “must read” thing on the website for the last decade. Then again, I’ve been doing this so long that I know how to properly get these things done on time.

 

8. I think we need a TSL Talent Show. Could you imagine having some judges (Joe K, Topper, Darryl Carr, and a female come to mind) while we finally get to see which Bernal is the best singer? Or we found out that Dave Walter is actually a mime? Did you know JZ could juggle? I’d love to see what else our TSL family can do.

 

9. Thanks to those who bought Topper a Corona and took a picture with him. A lot of you didn’t send me your pictures though, and I’d love to see them! Send them to me.

 

10. Billy Gunn is the best referee we have. Don’t @ me.

 

There’s less than 24 hours before you guys get to descend upon the Rose Garden for some more awesome TSL fun! Be safe out there and keep taking care of each other!

 

I’ll be in the cut.

 

-GF

Week 3 thoughts, Picks, and Insights

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 07 May 2021 14:29

Published: Friday, 07 May 2021 14:29

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 1948

 

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe: Happy Friday. You did it. You faced another work week dead in the eye, and you thrived. Maybe. Hopefully.

 

However this week went for you, you’re just one day away from Week 3 of the Race For Social Co-ed Football Immortality. Historically, Week 3 is when things really start to pick up. The “newness” of a fresh season starts to wear off, and teams are getting a bit more focused as they see where things are stacking up for them this season. Some teams are realizing they might not have what it takes to compete for the division this time around, and others are gaining confidence by the game!

 

Speaking of that, if you’re reading this before 12:00pm Eastern Standard Time on Friday, May 7^th, in the Year of Our Lord 2021, then you have some time to send in your FINAL roster. I’ve heard that there was some confusion due to the loosening up of some roster restrictions, so I’ll just make it clear here for everyone:

 

If you are to add anyone to your roster before the above deadline, they can ONLY be players who are NOT on a roster elsewhere.

 

“But Godfather, Topper said we can have people from other rosters! This isn’t fair!”

 

Yes, my child, it is. You see, in the offseason when the rule change was announced, Topper made it clear that all players who are playing on a second team must be placed on those rosters before Week 1. This was to prevent someone from casually chatting up other players at the bar in Week 2 and building a much stronger roster after they were already placed in their division. I mean, we can’t move EVERY super team, right?

 

So, if you didn’t already submit a roster with those players on it, they’re ineligible. But anyone without a current roster is still fair game, provided you read this and find someone in the couple of hours you’ll get when Topper posts my article. Good luck out there!

 

Back to football, things have been pretty nice so far! I was told Week 2 was a little windy, but we’ve still had some pretty good weather and some VERY good football games. Let’s get into those now. . . .

 

 

D1:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Public Enemy 30, Sticky Bandits 0

Tight Ends In Motion 53, Why So Serious? 8

Public Enemy 33, Why So Serious? 17

Eyes Downtown 35, Sloppy Seconds 21

 

               Okay, ignore the “very good football games” part when we talk about D1. It’s nobody’s fault really. Actually, I lied, it’s Topper’s fault for giving us such a lackluster D1 schedule to start with. Sticky Bandits have yet to score a TD in D1 this season. I know they had points last week, but apparently that was a Dave Baker touchdown and the refs wrote it down wrong. Things can only get easier for them from here on out. Probably. TEIM and PE just teamed up to smack around Why So Serious, but it appears that most of the WSS team wasn’t at the fields this week which lead to some very interesting roster compositions. It’s rough when you miss a lot of your players, and it’s even worse when you have a double header that week. Finally, Sloppy Seconds is coming along! They held their own against New Eyes Downtown, and the game was closer than the score suggests. Allegedly.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Tight Ends In Motion vs Sloppy Seconds (+25) – Okay, I swear, there are better games coming up. Even with Sloppy Seconds performing well, they’re no match for the buzzsaw that is TEIM at the moment. This team is just on the revenge tour, they tout top players in the league for QB, males, and females, and they have a giant, Chris Cole sized chip on their shoulder. Godspeed Sloppy. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 31

 

Eyes Downtown vs Sloppy Seconds (+14) – A quick repeat of the game we just saw last week. The hardest part for Sloppy this time around is that they’re going to be playing this one on the backend of two games in a row. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 14.

 

Why So Serious? vs Sticky Bandits (+7) – FINALLY! A pretty even matched game for both of these teams. These two squads are hungry for their first wins this season, which means this will inevitably end in a tie. In reality though, Sticky is actually the team that’s more in sync with each other, and with WSS not getting enough playing time together yet, I think we could see a mild upset here. STICKY BANDITS BY 3.

 

Public Enemy vs Eyes Downtown (+9) -  Will the real PE please stand up? We haven’t really had to see them, like, try yet this season. As a result, there’s nobody better on this planet to awaken the beast quite like Bobby McConnell. The long time rivals will meet, and even if a lot of the names are different, the legendary QBs remain the same. Bobby has always wanted to be Chris Cole. Beating him? That’s always a bit harder. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 8

 

D2:

 

Last Week’s Games:

A&A 30, XTC 25

Peachy Platoon 23, When Dove Cries 23

Bullet Club 36, Scared Hitless 32

When Dove Cries 34, Losing Streak 31

Peachy Platoon 48, Passed Our Prime 20

 

               Don’t look now, but Topper is 2-0-1 and at the top of the standings after two 4^th quarter comebacks. Yes, he ruined the comeback against Peachy by taking a sack on the final conversion, but he can’t be perfect. He also led a late scoring drive for the win against Losing Streak, in the most exciting game of the season so far. Scared Hitless fared much better in Week 2, taking a quick lead on Bullet Club, but BC got it together to scratch out the victory. A&A came out against XTC looking sharp on the field and off it with some new jerseys. Even with Matty hobbling on one leg, he still lead his team to a win. Finally, Peachy Platoon ran all over an undermanned Passed Our Prime. One has to wonder if POP will ever have a full squad this season.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Slytherin That End Zone vs Scared Hitless (+4) – SITE returns from a short break to take on the D3 champions. We haven’t seen a lot from SITE just yet, and the question remains on who exactly the QB is there. Is it Newman? Is it Seth? Is it QB waiting in the wings Coach Jay? Hitless knows exactly who they are: a team of guys and gals that are lucky to play with Johnny Football. Dylan looked a lot better at QB than Week 1, and I’m feeling a little frisky here. SCARED HITLESS BY 7

 

Bullet Club vs When Dove Cries (+1) – Topper is 2-0-1. Joe K is 2-0. There has to be some sort of alcoholic bet on this one, as we have an early battle for first place in the division. These two teams have, over time, held some very good contests and I expect this one to be no different. BULLET CLUB BY 1

 

A&A vs Losing Streak (+2) – Matty Ice vs Jordan. One of the best QB battles we’ll see this weekend, and maybe ever. Losing Streak has been incredible since joining the division, making anyone who bet the 18-1 odds early on feeling REALLY good about it. This game is the measuring stick. Does A&A have anyone that can cover Chris Nelson OR Ralph? I’m not sure. The pink team gets another signature win. LOSING STREAK BY 6

 

Peachy Platoon vs Mountain Dew Me (+3) – A classic battle of a really talented and fast football family with a handsome QB vs a really talented and fast football family with a handsome QB. Thompson vs McGregor. This is exciting stuff, honestly, but I’m going to give the edge to the team with the better girls. PEACHY PLATOON BY 3

 

XTC vs Passed Our Prime (+5) – Right now, it’s hard to tell exactly WHO POP is. They have the talent for sure, but then the talent doesn’t show up. Will we see Bloomfield? Who knows? XTC has the clear advantage at QB and for the females. That’s a winning combo every time. XTC BY 10

 

Peachy Platoon vs XTC (+9) – Peachy Platoon is really just what XTC was in 2013. Young, fast, and very talented. I don’t know if XTC has the lung capacity (other than Katie Keller of course) to play two games anymore. PEACHY PLATOON BY 12

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Wolfpack 12, The Untouchaballs 7

All We Do Is Quinn 22, Wolfpack 17

 

               In what was apparently the Wolfpack showcase this weekend, they went 1-1, which seems about right. They beat a slowly learning how to play defense Untouchaballs with Sticky Hands Blonde Chick, and then they lost to the D3 favorites but not but a lot. If anything happened in D3 this weekend, it’s the Wolfpack showing they belong in the mix.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

All We Do Is Quinn vs Frodo Swaggins (+3) – An early battle for D3 supremacy as two 2-0 teams look to knock each other off. These two have been at the top of the division for a while, and though both are perennial favorites to win the title, neither can ever do it. Some of the roster is different, but this is going to be a good game. Look for Frodo to continue being hot here and hit a slight upset. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 4

 

Matty’s Angels vs Vaspian (+9) – Vaspian is still just figuring it out. I think I say that weekly, but it’s the truth. The Angels are just not the team to ever want to go up against. They boast fantastic play calling and they have stars at every position. MATTY’S ANGELS BY 12

 

Top Shot vs Wolfpack (+10) – Top Shot is good. I also decided they should have two words in their team name because “TopShot” as one word looks ridiculous Blasé. Come on. I just said the Wolfpack is showing they belong. I’m going to continue to ride that train. 10 points feels crazy to me. Top Shot wins, but don’t cover. TOP SHOT BY 3

 

Grey Hair Don’t Care vs The Untouchaballs (+5) – This is a matchup of two teams both needing a win pretty badly. Grey Hair was off last week after losing a female to injury, but they’ve been around the league long enough to know how to make sure that that doesn’t hurt them. They have the edge on the Untouchaballs in the “football knowledge” department, and I think we’ll see them use that to their advantage. Contain Sticky Hands Blonde Girl and you’ll win. GREY HAIR BY 10

 

Top Shot vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+3) – I don’t like this line at all. You’re talking about a top D3 team playing a 6thish best team in the league. On their second game for each. TOP SHOT BY 9

 

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Buffalo Vice 41, Practice Squad 13

Freeballers 30, Woodpeckers 0

Cunning Stunts 43, Freeballers 19

TOX 33, Not So Sticky 12

Itches and Ohs 39, Jabronies 37

 

              

               Let’s just go to the big one. Welcome to D4 Woodpeckers! The Freeballers were more than up to the challenge and dominated this game. Multiple Peckers were heard complaining about their QB, who I hear was none too happy with Topper. Of course, stacking your D6 roster is shady, so it’ll be hard for anyone to really shed any tears here. I feel for the rest of the Peckers, and I mean, rosters don’t close until noon, so maybe there’s an FA QB out there? Kind of like B and Practice Squad last season? Buffalo Vice is looking good on and off the field. It was a pretty easy day for the Vice, as they’re now the measuring stick of D4, which isn’t great new for Practice Squad. There’s always a learning curve for teams moving up though. The Stunts just did what they do best, but this time they did it with Jordan Lawson at QB. Props to him for quickly becoming a household TSL name, as the Stunts made the Freeballers look more like themselves this time around. TOX just beat up on Not So Sticky as Rags had to QB, and historically that just isn’t a good thing. And Steve Moser goes to 2-0 with his patchwork squad that has some dominant girls. But my goodness it was good to hear about Joe Miano slinging it on the fields once again. He’s come a long way since he first started.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Buffalo Vice vs Itches and Ohs (+9) – As good as the season has started for Itches, they’re going to run into a hell of a test this week. Vice has been looking real nice, which FINALLY prompted Dan Gonzalez to email me this season. What he said was that Vice isn’t really doing anything different this season. They’re just getting better at what it is they do. They’ll show that again this week. BUFFALO VICE BY 17

 

Jabronies vs TOX (+2) – I’m not entirely sure how this line came about (Don’t blame me, blame the Committee) but I don’t think we’ve seen enough of the Jabronies to really call them favored over TOX. TOX has played some good football so far this season, while we still have to figure out who the Jabronies are this year. Maybe they’ll show us here. TOX BY 8

 

Cunning Stunts vs Woodpeckers (+3) – One team lost to Freeballers by 30, the other beat them by 24. On paper, most people would be worried for the Stunts, but they’ve been kicking some butt this season. They know exactly how to play this game, and I have a feeling they’re going to pull this one out too. Of course, if one of the 6’5 gentlemen rush Joey Batts, that’s a 2 foot height advantage, and that could disrupt things for the girls. Could be interesting! WOODPECKERS BY 7

 

Practice Squad vs Cobblestone (+1) – HOW DARE YOU TSLQBPRC! HOW DARE YOU BESMIRCH THE RETURN OF DARRYL CARR QB SUPERSTAR? HE’S GETTING POINTS? AGAINST PRACTICE SQUAD? NO, JUST, NO. COBBLESTONE BY 12

 

Cobblestone vs Not So Sticky (+2) – That’s more like it. The evil genius Jeff Krol’s side project (See: Sticky Bandits, but in different positions and they don’t get beat up like in D1) has had some ups and downs so far, but they’re having a really good time. Cobblestone is here to ruin that good time. Give me all the Carrs. And Darryl’s hair. COBBLESTONE BY 17

 

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Puckett All-Stars 33, University Wealth Management 12

Zack Attack 21, Breast Friends 16

Show Me Dem TDs 55, University Wealth Management 24

Breast Friends 21, The Bambs 0 (Forfeit)

ILF 46, Show Me Dem TDs 24

Zack Attack 22, ILF 13

 

               Zack Attack went 2-0 on a very big day for D5, and they staked their claim as the best team in D5. In fact, the Attack is the #1 ranked team overall in the TSL by the weird Topper Standings Metrics. And for a good reason! They’re 3-0 overall, and they’ve defeated Breast Friends, ILF, and Show Me Dem TDs, so they haven’t had an easy schedule. Puckett All-Stars got one in the win column with a nice and steady win against UWM. UWM would also go on to lose to Show Me, which doesn’t come as a surprise as they’re just treading water until national hero Scott Keller Sr finally steps onto the field to lead them to multiple victories. Show Me would then proceed to lose to ILF, who again would lose to Zack Attack, thus completing the D5 doubleheader Circle of Life.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

The Bambs vs University Wealth Management (+8) – While it was lame to see The Bambs forfeit last week, I hope we don’t see more of the same here. This is a good opportunity for them to notch their first D5 win of the season, and I can’t imagine UWM being able to stop the tall, gazelle-like wide receivers sitting across from them. THE BAMBS BY 9

 

Wasted Potential vs Show Me Dem TDs (+3) – Wasted Potential is a dark horse candidate to take this D5 title, and they’re the best team nobody is talking about…yet. Coach Jay has a shot at D5 QB of the Year if things go well, and I really feel a “coming out” party of sorts for them this week. Show Me has been up and down so far, and that’s going to be the norm for them as they still try to get a system down that isn’t “Throw really far to Chris Nelson”. Timmy Z is a great QB in his own right, and Jon Senn has a lot of talent to work with. It’s just doing it the right way. They’ll get better as the season goes on too. WASTED POTENTIAL BY 4

 

Zack Attack vs Puckett All-Stars (+8) – It’s Zack Attack’s year, I can feel it. Puckett is still a very, very good team who will beat you if you underestimate them, but right now all signs are pointing to Zack Attack being quite focused and playing very good defense. ZACK ATTACK BY 10

 

Breast Friends vs International Lightning Falcons (+4) – This is another Game of the Day potentially here. The newest gender team taking on an up and coming ILF, who have finally started to get their stuff together after an up and down opening season. Andrew Kicak is the current odds on favorite to win Most Underrated Male. He always seems to get overshadowed by, at minimum, one Baker no matter what team he plays on. He usually makes a difference though, especially on defense. Look for him to make the game changing play this week. ILF BY 2

 

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Graves Bros 34, TMA 31

Tater Tots 38, Blitzkrieg 6

Spinelli’s Plumbing 23, Blitzkrieg 20

Tater Tots 20, Travis Henry’s Kids 19

The BiPolar Express 26, Juiced 14

Lenny’s Ladies 34, Victorious Secret 33

 

               There were a LOT of good games in D6 last week. We started off with a back and forth championship preview with TMA and Graves going back and forth with Graves taking the win on the final drive of the game. TMA officially added Johnny Dio to the roster, which can only mean they’re seriously considering making the change at QB a permanent thing. Its like a Bledsoe/Brady thing, and look how that worked out for New England. Blitzkrieg, what the heck? You’re making me look silly for believing in you guys so much. An 0-2 day is not the way to go, as the Tots whooped up on BK, and then Spinelli’s took a close one from them. The Tots would then go on to beat THK in a very close game, and I really do think THK will have a say in who wins this division this season. BPX welcomed Juiced into D6 with another loss, as the “forgotten” gender team is still showing they can win this division too. And while it wasn’t quite Angels – Stunts, the Lenny’s Ladies – Victorious Secret game was my most “messaged” about game. I’m sure it had NOTHING to do with it being 3:30 and most of the texts/emails I got were from tipsy people but this one was a great one to hear about. I love when our females have big games against each other.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Tater Tots vs Victorious Secret (+8) – The Tots get to play one of our gender teams this week, and in the past they’ve fared pretty well against them. The Tots are still coming into their own as a team, but they know how to exploit their matchups on offense. Look for “Throw it to the tall guy” to be their go to to get them out of trouble. VS has a lot of talent and they’re still adjusting to the TSL game, which is okay. Anna Lawson is a real baller out there, and everyone loves Trish Esposito. I’m looking forward to one day hearing about more of the VS girls. This one is a tough game though. TATER TOTS BY 13

 

Blitzkrieg vs Lenny’s Ladies (+2) – There was a little rivalry here last season, as these two teams traded some wins along the way. BK could really use a big win to right the ship as it seems things aren’t going as well as they were before. Is Alex throwing? Is he still hurt? So many questions that COULD BE ANSWERED WITH AN EMAIL TO THE GODFATHER ALLIE OR ALEX. We had such great correspondence prior to this ghosting you’re giving me now. Shame. As much as everyone talks about Robin Makula, (as they should), the Ladies also trot out female superstars like Joy Thompson, Misty Himes, and Dr. Christine Krol. These ladies tend to get overshadowed by others on their normal teams, but here they’re really starting to shine. This will be a good one. BLITZKRIEG BY 4

 

Spinelli’s Plumbing vs TMA (+7) – TMA is playing very well, and their 1-2 record just isn’t indicative of that. Johnny Dio, by all accounts, is properly using Val and Diana, and on top of that he throws the ball to Ferger. Brent scored a TD too! Losing to Graves and the Woodpeckers before they got moved up makes it seem like TMA isn’t doing well, but watchout for them this week. Spinelli’s is doing what they always do: Play very solid on the both sides of the ball, but they’re rarely dominant one way or they other. They’ll need to show me more as the season moves on. TMA BY 11

 

Graves Bros vs The BiPolar Express (+1) – These teams have had some really good games in the past, and I expect this one to be no different. Both teams are very smart, and its going to come down to who gets a case of the drops. While I do think BiPolar is going to make noise this season, as I always do, Graves does seem to be playing some of their best football currently. GRAVES BROS BY 3

 

Travis Henry’s Kids vs Juiced (+11) – Juiced is still figuring out the game overall, but hopefully they’re having fun doing it. THK is a veteran squad from elsewhere in the Social Co-Ed Football Universe, and they’re seemingly quite good. A bounce here or there last week and they’re 2-0 and on top of the division. Look for them to continue their early rise to TSL stardom, and hopefully they’ll reach out with an email so I can learn who they are as well. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 23

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. Will D1 ever be fun again? Cool, it’s Public Enemy, Eyes Downtown, and Tight Ends In Motion beating everyone else up. Again. It’s not their fault that nobody else is putting together a super team to compete here. It’ll get a lot more fun when Tight Ends wins D1 this season. Gives us something new to chat about.

 

2. WHERE IS B’S BROTHER??? Reports have told me our legend has yet to step foot on the fields this season, and that’s just tragic. He better be there for the Rameer Celebration on 6/5.

 

3. Will the podcast ever have good sound again? I love that we have the podcast back, and I still listened to all ALMOST TWO HOURS OF IT WTF JOE K this week, but the sound quality hasn’t been great. I know it’s different from being inside the professional studio, but still, we should have higher standards here.

 

4. Who are the most surprising teams this season so far? Zack Attack, Losing Streak, the new Eyes Downtown, to me, have been the best “I wasn’t sure how good they were going to be but they nailed it” teams so far this season.

 

5. Who needs a good showing this week to remind the TSL that they’re contenders? I think a lot of people have forgotten just how good Slytherin That Endzone can really be when they’re on their game. I also think Frodo can give the league a wake up call to remind them just how good they’ve been the last few seasons as well. I’d also like Blitzkrieg to start remembering who they are.

 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. Not surprisingly, Breakfast Club was awesome this week, and all the reports I got were positive, save for some “similar jersey color” snafu. Picks this week: Robins Nest 42 – Peanut Butter Kelly Time 38, Great White Clarkes 34 – Stone Cold Kellers 22, The EMIgoes 26 – Steph It Up A Notch 24, and Drive me Currazy 48 – Valkyries 31.

 

2. The Topper vs Travis Steak Dinner challenge continues: Travis won Week 2’s picks. This week, Topper selected: SITE (-4), Practice Squad (-1), and Wasted Potential (-3). Travis took AWDIQ (-3), Sticky Bandits (+7), and Spinellis (-7). I like Topper to win this week.

 

3. Remember, as always, to be safe on the fields. Wear sunscreen, hydrate (Trulys and White Claws do NOT count as water), wear your mask to and from the fields and at the bar, and just have fun.

 

4. Would you want to write a Godfather article with me? You could chime in with your own picks and thoughts on the games. Could be fun, could be lame. Email me, as always, at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

 

5. Same goes for the captains of the teams I don’t hear from a ton. Do I get stuff wrong about your squad? Yes? Then email me and set the record straight like so many others do every week. Help me, help you.

 

6. Let’s take a second to truly call out and appreciate Coach Jay. Not for his playing style, or his handsomeness. No. When we lost Rameer last year, Jay stepped up big time and took over the role of Head Director of Officiating. I think he’s done a fantastic job, and deserves to be recognized.

 

7. Hey, if you’re going to bring your cans and bottles to the fields (either water or from the bar) don’t be such a jerk and leave them on the ground. PICK UP AFTER YOURSELVES AND DON’T LEAVE THE FIELDS A MESS. Most people do, but there are some of you that just enjoy leaving your garbage lying around. Be better.

 

8. I think we need to see more pictures of dogs at the fields. Bones has been doing a great job holding down the “best TSL dogs” mantel, but he’s currently the only one that shows up regularly.

 

9. Did you know that there’s even more Thompsons in the league now? The youngest brother, Luke, is tearing up D2 now, and word is family patriarch Richard is not only playing in Breakfast Club but he’s uncoverable and always open. Just great genetics from top to bottom over there.

 

10. Yes, plans are being set in motion for the wine tournament this summer. Topper is supposed to be checking out the new fields very soon. More on this exciting news as it develops. Maybe we’ll have more than one summer tourney this year. Did someone say “random draw”?

 

That’s called a teaser folks. . .

 

The TSL season is in full swing! You’re doing great out there. Keep up the good work, and please be safe. Remember to sign up for the Telegram app so you can get the quickest updates for the league, and proceed to like us on Facebook, and Instagram. The more you’re plugged into the league, the less you’ll miss.

 

I’ll be in the cut. I think.

 

-GF OUT