Week 8 thoughts, picks, advice and stuff

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 11 October 2019 12:38

Published: Friday, 11 October 2019 12:38

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 4702

Well, we’re here.

A long, sometimes grueling, season has reached its final week. It’s always bittersweet when the TSL gets to this point. While the excitement of the playoffs and discovering just who will reach Social Co-Ed Football Immortality is ramping up, it also means we’re ever so close to the end of our season, which means we won’t gather again as a whole for a few months.

From my view in Des Moines, it seems like everything has been good. There’s been some great football out there, complete with its share of surprises, upsets, and a dash of drama. Just like everyone else, I’m REALLY ready for the playoffs. Week 8 will be a great time at the Rose Garden, as any TSL week usually is, but right now it just feels like the league is mostly on autopilot as teams are gearing up for the real battles next week. This week does have its share of story lines throughout each division, so let’s take a look and dive into the fun stuff:

D1:

Last Week’s Games:

Tight Ends In Motion 42, A&A 17 (Crossover Game)

Public Enemy 45, HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO 22 (Crossover Game)

What’s at stake:  Can Gryffindor get that victory?

That’s all we had last week. Two crossover games where the D1 teams smacked the snot out of the D2 teams. Now, it’s my understanding that A&A was missing like, everyone. But none of that really matters. The QB Power Rankings article beat me to it, but D1 went 5-0 in the crossover games this season, with a combined score of 212-92. It’s more than safe to say that this experiment went better last season. So where does that leave you, D1? I know how you’re feeling. You’ve been in this state of (and here’s that word again) autopilot for a few weeks now. You can only play the same 4 teams so many times. But the biggest story line for this division is at 10:00 as Joey Batts takes the field with Gryffindor one last time this season to get that elusive first victory against Tight Ends in Motion. What else is there to say? Bobby owns the rest of you this season. It’s Eyes Downtown’s title for the taking, and the rest of you aren’t inspiring hope that you can take him down. The defending champion Marketing Mayors haven’t looked as much for a good chunk of the season, but man they still look better than whatever Public Enemy has become. For PE, they’ve lost a few more games this season than they have in the last few seasons combined. But the real game it seems that they’re losing is the battle with Father Time. I don’t have bad things to say about Tight Ends. They’re on their 17^th QB in 3 seasons, but it seems that maybe, just mayyyybe they’ve found one for good. Either way, it still seems like the games this week don’t really matter that much. It feels like they haven’t in a few weeks. It’ll be next week when we see who is who, and (hopefully) some teams remind us just who they are. For now though, I’ll just congratulate Bobby, Beth, Jeff, Joey, and the rest of the ED crew on their championship.

This Week’s Games:

Eyes Downtown vs Public Enemy (+7) – There’s not much to say about this rivalry game that hasn’t been said a few times this season. ED is rolling, but if anything is going to get PE going hard it’s going to be this game. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 4

Marketing Mayors vs Tight Ends In Motion (+8) – The Mayors need a nice outing before the playoffs start next week as well, and if they’re sleeping on TEIM, they could blow this game. TEIM is the hungriest team in D1, and they want to win and prove they belong. They know they do, but its time to show the rest of the TSL they do too. They’re close to “popping”. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 1

D2:

Last Week’s Games:

Peachy Platoon 39, Schilling ‘Em Softly 22

HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO 64, A&A 34

What’s at Stake: The First Round bye, and potential tie breaker chaos.

A quiet week in D2 came through, and while it should’ve given us this amazing battle for first place, it didn’t even provide that as Team Topper rolled A&A like they were We Back. Peachy Platoon rolled through their game as well. This week, however, brings us a bit of fun. There’s currently a 3 way dance of doom atop the standings in D2 as Team Topper, A&A, and Peachy all have 18 points, and double the wins of anyone else in the division. The 4-7 seeds have zero chance of catching them, so those will be your top seeds for the playoffs. But who gets the bye? Well, luckily, we get HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO vs A&A part two this week, and the winner will stake their claim to getting the first round free pass, thanks to We Back never being back at all. However, Peachy Platoon has a doubleheader against SITE this time around, and due to a schedule quirk that was made long ago, they will, indeed, play more games than A&A and Team Topper. Of course at the time, there wasn’t a bye week to be won, so it shouldn’t have mattered as much as it looks like its going to. There’s an outside chance that Dilfs, SITE, Bullet Club, and Energy Buff all end up with a 3-6 record, and it’ll be a lot of tiebreaking fun to figure that mess out. How that happens: SITE loses twice to Peachy Platoon (plausible), Dilfs lose to Team Topper (Probable), Dilfs lose to Bullet Club (They won on the last play of the game a few weeks ago), and Energy Buff beats the We Back replacement squad (potentially!). That’d be a fun mess.

This Week’s Games:

HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO VS Dilfs (+10) – The Dilf’s will give Team Topper a run for their money for a little bit, and could catch them looking ahead to the more important game with A&A. But in the end, Topper pulls it out, because they realize that this win is huge if they end up losing to A&A later on. HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO BY 13

HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO VS A&A (+3) – I’ll start by saying that I personally think Team Topper is the best team in D2 overall. But A&A has Matty, and like him or not, he wins big football games. As fun as it would be to dream there, the HB Defense is just lights out, and they’re going to prove it this week. HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO BY 10

Peachy Platoon vs Slytherin That End Zone (+9) - *DOUBLEHEADER* - The Platoon can just win two games against their heated rivals (Remember these two killed each other in D3 last session) and walk away with a bye week, which is highly needed since Dean has his thumb injury now. (WAY TO GO NIXON) I doubt he heals even with the extra time, but he’s a gamer and may just try to play in the playoffs anyway. There’s NOTHING SITE would love more than playing spoiler against Peachy this week. Barring any more injuries or missing persons, I don’t think it happens. PEACHY BY 10, PEACHY BY 3

Dilfs vs Bullet Club (+7) – These two teams are close in record, and as mentioned a BC win would give them identical 3-6 records. But, it doesn’t FEEL like they’re that close. Dilfs have felt all season like they should have a better W/L but based on some inconsistencies, they just do not. This game was a classic last time they met, but that was Chris Nelson’s only BC appearance as well. Look for the Dilfs to smack Bullet Club this time around. DILFS BY 13

Energy Buff vs Schilling ‘Em Softly (EVEN) – There’s so much I don’t know about this game. Who’s playing for SES? Who’s actually showing up for EB? If both teams trotted out their full rosters, I’d actually take SES here, but with so much uncertainty, I’ll go with ENERGY BUFF BY 1.

D3:

Last Week’s Games:

Vaspian 28, Ultimate Warriors 22

Jabronies 34, Vaspian 18

End Game 25, Jabronies 7

Frodo Swaggins 38, All We Do Is Losee 36

No Punt Intended 42, Ultimate Warriors 35

What’s at Stake:  Not 1^st place, since NPI wrapped that up. Playoff spots are definitely on the line though.

What a fun week in the TSL’s best division! There really isn’t that much decided as we enter our final week. No Punt Intended (thanks in part to the fall of AWDIQ, who were undefeated until Kasey became enamored with Scotty Dro) walks home with #1 overall seed in the playoffs. The Ultimate Warriors finished 1-7-1 and are eliminated from postseason competition. After that? Anything can happen. Frodo Swaggins could beat Sticky this week and knock Quinn down another peg. A Frodo loss bumps Jabronies up to 3^rd and they don’t even have a game. While End Game and Sticky are in the playoffs, there’s no guarantee for Vaspian (3-5), 3^rd and Schlong (3-4), and Puckett All-Stars (2-5). Two of these teams will make the playoffs, and the other will not. The best part? THEY ALL PLAY EACH OTHER. Vaspian will play Puckett All-Stars at 11:00, and 3AS will take on Puckett at 2:00. 3AS also gets to play End Game, for what it’s worth. Puckett could beat Vaspian and they’d most likely be in the playoffs (Don’t quote me on that, Topper’s super secret tiebreaking computer formula could break some hearts here). Vaspian has the tiebreaker (right now) with 3AS, so it seems that Vaspian could lose to Puckett but still get in as the 8^th seed if 3AS loses both of their games. Vaspian could beat Puckett, but then Puckett could beat 3AS after 3AS loses to EG and CHAOS WILL REIGN SUPREME. The point is, all of these games REALLY matter, and there’s no better way to end the season in this division.

This Week’s Games:

Puckett All-Stars vs Vaspian (EVEN) – These two teams are as even as you can possibly get. They have similar records (3-5 and 2-5), they both allow 32 points per game. The only difference is that Puckett scores more points per game slightly at 25 to Vaspian’s 24. Vaspian may be becoming one of the better up and coming teams in the TSL, but Puckett is staying the secret nobody talks about. Mostly because they keep having awful seasons and then ramp it up in the last few weeks and the playoffs. This game should mean the world to both teams, but when its all said and done: PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 2

End Game vs 3^rd and Schlong (EVEN) – Two of the TSL’s hottest teams square off in what would be a fantastic playoff game, much less a regular season affair. This game could clinch a playoff spot for 3AS who’ve really found their groove after that sad start. End Game just keeps chugging along and getting better every single week. A win against Frodo and then the Jabronies have got this train running hot. This game will be good, but 3AS needs it more. 3^RD AND SCHLONG BY 1

3^rd And Schlong vs Puckett All-Stars (+7) – This game could literally be a playoff game a week early! Of course, if 3AS beats End Game, and PAS beats Vaspian, this game could also mean nothing whatsoever. I, of course, would LOVE the play-in game to be a reality here. And if it is? 3^RD AND SCHLONG BY 7

Frodo Swaggins vs Sticky Bandits (+7) – This is a very good matchup, but I have no idea who’s throwing for Sticky anymore. I don’t think they do either at this point. Just put in Mike Thomas for good, damnit. Frodo is cruising though, and they need this win to finish 2^nd overall. You just KNOW they’d want to jump Qwinn after last week. The Bandits are looking to finish above .500. The problem is that Frodo scores a little more and allows a little less. They’re very evenly matched, except where it matters most: Quarterback. Give me Scotty. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 7

D4:

Last Week’s Games:

Cunning Stunts 43, Buffalo Solar Solutions 42

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers 49, Full Throttle 32

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers 62, Cunning Stunts 44

Matty’s Angels 54, Buffalo Solar Solutions 12

Matty’s Angels 53, Mountain Dew Me 12

What’s At Stake:  Second place and a bye!

Well, this got interesting. It appears that the Cunning Stunts are only playing two games this week, not three. The reason that’s notable is because they’re going to not play their last game of the year. As a result, that leaves the potential for Buffalo Solar Solutions or newly founded offense of Uncle Rico’s (who just trashed the Stunts last week) to jump ahead of them in the standings and take the bye. This is far from what was expected just two weeks ago, and now D4 is a LOT more fun that it was before. URTT is getting hot at the right time, as they got their all around threat in Chris Nelson back from Bullet Club in what will be called a “Roster Snafu” for now. If Buffalo Solar beats URTT, they’ll pass the Stunts (assuming the Stunts lose twice) on points alone (5 wins to 4). Matty’s is Matty’s. They got Bobby McConnell to play for them because that’s really cool of them. Mountain Dew Me and Full Throttle are just counting down the minutes until they get placed in a more accurate division in the Spring.

This Week’s Games:

Matty’s Angels vs Cunning Stunts (+10) – Ho hum. Matty’s vs Stunts. Not much left to talk about here. MATTY’S ANGELS BY 10

Buffalo Solar Solutions vs Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers (EVEN) – I have no idea what to make of both of these teams at this point. Both have been pretty good as of late, and BSS didn’t have their QB last week. BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS BY 2

Mountain Dew Me vs Full Throttle (+6) – These two have done their best to hold their own in this division, and while their defenses actually have performed better than BSS or URTT, its their offenses that need to catch up to everyone else. FULL THROTTLE BY 1

Cunning Stunts vs Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers (EVEN) – This game has to be considered even after the thrashing Rico’s dropped on the Stunts just a week ago. The Stunts will be doing everything in their power to get a bit of revenge here. This game could 100% be for the second bye in the division, impossible to think about as recently as 2 weeks ago. CUNNING STUNTS BY 6

D5:

Last Week’s Games:

En Fuego 21, Cobblestone 0 (Two forfeits)

Hung Buffalo 54, Hope N Ruin 26

Come From Behind 52, Practice Squad 30

What’s At Stake: The only chance at a TSL team going undefeated.

Hung Buffalo smacked around Hope N Ruin, Come From Behind defeated a Practice Squad that wasn’t 100%, and En Fuego got two forfeit wins when all of Cobblestone ditched Darryl Carr QB Superstar and left him hanging. I don’t know if it was on purpose, or if someone just forgot to tell Darryl, but that’s crazy if it’s a purposeful ditching. It was a slow week for D5, to say the least.

This Week’s Games:

Over Compensators vs En Fuego (+7) - Not too long ago, the Over Compensators and En Fuego made a bet and talked a lot of smack. And then Blasé LaDuca went out and promptly played the worst game he may have ever played. Now? The OC is trying to be the only undefeated team in the TSL this session, and standing in the way is En Fuego, who knew they’d get another shot at the OC, they just didn’t know when. How sweet would it be if En Fuego could not only get revenge, but give The OC their first loss AND take first place for the season from them? You KNOW En Fuego is going to be ready for this one. EN FUEGO BY 1

Practice Squad vs Hung Buffalo (+6) – These two teams may be closer than I’ve let on in the past. While its certainly FELT like PS has been the better team, the truth is that only one game separates these two teams. On top of that, They score about the same, but HB actually allows less points. This game should be close the whole time. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 1

Hope N Ruin vs Come From Behind (+7) – Same record, same amount of points allowed, but HNR scores a bit more. There are rumors of a B return to throw for CFB again, and that should help on that end. This game doesn’t mean too much except for positioning, but its always good to go into the playoffs with a win. HOPE N RUIN BY 6

Cobblestone vs Pink Pteratacos (+3) - *DOUBLEHEADER* - Not entirely sure what to think of these teams. The Pteratacos have been better, but they still have a ways to go. I still think they have a FANTASTIC group of females, and its more the males/QB that are their problem. I don’t know what happened to Cobblestone this week, but they could pull themselves into a higher standings position with a couple of wins here. COBBLESTONE BY 3. BOTH TIMES.

D6:

Last Week’s Games:

Zack Attack 30, pAssless Chaps 0

TMA 50, The Bi-Polar Express 8

pAssless Chaps 24, Wild Oak Beard Co. 18

The Replacements 36, Wild Oak Beard Co. 33

Shattered Dreams 30, Blitzkrieg 12

pAssless Chaps 29, Tater Tots 12

Tater Tots 40, Shattered Dreams 20

What’s At Stake: A playoff spot, and a potential three way tie for first place.

The pAssless Chaps played the rare tripleheader this week, and it wasn’t the best results. Yes, they went 2-1, but WOBCO and the Tots are teams that they should’ve beaten by more. Losing to Zack Attack isn’t a bad thing, and with a TMA win and a Chaps win this week, they’ll all be 7-2 and fun formulas have to figure out who finishes where. Speaking of WOBCO, they went 0-2 but played two very tight games that could’ve gone either way. Honestly, they’re one of the better new teams in the TSL, and I’m really looking forward to how good they can become. Shattered Dreams got their first win to keep their playoff hopes alive, albeit barely, while simultaneously knocking Blitzkrieg out of them. SD would need wins against the former best friends in Graves Bros and The Replacements to have a shot, and they’d need the Tots to beat The Replacements as well. A tall order, ironically, with Gronk coming to town. TMA keeps chugging along, while the Bi-Polar Express lost their third in a row after starting out hot at 4-0-1.

This Week’s Games:

Graves Bros vs Shattered Dreams (+13) – While Shattered Dreams is fighting for their playoff lives, They have to take on a team that has just been superior on offense (30ppg – 18) and on defense as well (18 points allowed vs 36). This game is looking like a 33-18 win for Graves Bros, at minimum. GRAVES BROS BY 15

The Replacements vs Shattered Dreams (+10) – These two teams are a little more evenly matched than the first game, The Replacements may want to step on the gas against the team that would’ve just played the hour before this one to clinch their spot. THE REPLACEMENTS BY 7

pAssless Chaps vs The Bi-Polar Express (EVEN) – These two teams are very close, and based on the schedule it seems like BPX will have most of its roster, if not all of it, for this one. The Chaps are looking to finish  in a tie for first overall, while BPX is literally looking to get the train back on the tracks. They’ve derailed in the second half of the season, and might be the coldest team in the division. PASSLESS CHAPS BY 6

The Replacements vs Tater Tots (EVEN) – This is about as even as it gets. Both teams are allowing 33 ppg. The Replacements are averaging one more point per game, 25-24. Both teams have been up and down. The Replacements will have already played a game this day, so look for the Tots to take this one. TATER TOTS BY 5

TMA vs Wild Oak Beard Co (+8) – TMA is rolling right now, and while WOBCO has been much improved over the course of the season, I just don’t think they’re ready to compete with the top teams in this division. TMA BY 10

Graves Bros vs Blitzkrieg (+20) – Blitzkrieg just can’t stop anyone, and they need a defensive guru to walk to Field 5 at 2:00 and give them tips. I don’t think they’ll be able to handle Graves Bros at all here, and hopefully BK will learn from this season and retool for the next year. GRAVES BROS BY 24

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

1.      Will the fields hold up? They’re starting to get worse and worse (as they do in the fall), and with the current weather prediction of rain in the forecast, could they get destroyed a week before playoffs?

2.      Who’s the best team in the league, relative to the division? Right now, I’d have to say it’s No Punt Intended. They’re firing on all cylinders right now, and they straight up stole first place in this division.

3.      Who makes the playoffs in D3? With all of the teams playing each other for the final two playoffs spots, I have this sneaky feeling we’ll see 3^rd and Schlong and Puckett All-Stars get in with Vaspian looking in from the outside.

4.      Who wins the D2 bye? Honestly, it’s going to be Team Topper. I love the Topper vs Matty vs Peachy battle for it, but right now no team in the division is playing better than HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO. That defense is just legit.

5.      Will “Fall Fest” in Ellicottville ruin the final week of football? Last week saw a good sized chunk of the TSL head to Nashville (and a few other places) and miss out on the fields last Saturday. Multiple reports came into me from trusted sources that the bar was pretty much empty by 4:30 and just not nearly as hoppin’ in general. Here’s hoping E-ville doesn’t ruin that.

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

1.      Here’s your best games of the day to watch:

a.      9:00 – HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO vs Dilfs – Field 1

b.      10:00  - Over Compensators vs En Fuego – Field 4

c.       11:00 – Matty’s Angels vs Cunning Stunts – Field 3

d.      12:00 – Vaspian vs Puckett All-Stars – Field 2

e.      1:00 – End Game vs 3^rd And Schlong – Field 2

f.        2:00 – Peachy Platoon vs Slytherin That End Zone – Field 1

g.      3:00 – Frodo Swaggins vs Sticky Bandits – Field 1

2.      I, for one, think Joey Batts and Gryffindor will get that victory this week.

3.      Seriously Qwinners, what is your deal lately? Are you really going to blow another championship? There’s a reason people email me to let me know that you’re nowhere near as good as Peachy Platoon and that I should stop comparing you. Maybe they’re right.

4.      Hey Cobblestone, I know I can be rough on you sometimes, but for real, if you’re going to forfeit a doubleheader (or ANY game) don’t just not show up. It’s a real douche move to make the other team show up ready for a game that doesn’t happen. You’re better than that. Tell Topper next time.

5.      You know how there’s been music most weeks of the season and people have been having a great time? That’s all thanks to DJ Jimmy, and if you’re having an event that needs a fantastic DJ, talk to him at Five Star Productions. They’re fantastic, and they’ve been running our Banquet for years now. Couldn’t recommend them enough. Let’s get some DJ Tommy at the fields soon!

6.      Pro Tip: Our field is only 50 yards long, with 8-yard endzones. That means you only need 8-10 yards per play to get in scoring position. Stop worry about going deep all of the time. Be smarter.

7.      I heard there was another Tito’s With Travis filmed, but I have yet to see it posted anywhere yet. Where is it?

8.      Shout out to all of the referees this week. Rameer had said that the league was very short on referee bodies and A LOT of the TSL stepped up to help out. You guys are what makes this league so great. Thank you.

9.      I’ve written this article for the better part of a decade now, and I still love doing it. This is my way of staying connected to the league I love so much. Thank you to those of you that email me updates and things to know to help me out as best as you can. It’s appreciated. Email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. if you have any information.

10.   Finally, some sad news from the TSL Universe. Gunther, Topper’s long time pup, passed away this weekend. If you see Topper this weekend, give him a big hug and hold him closely.

RIP Gunther. You were an awesome dog.

-GF

Week 6 Thoughts, picks, insights and disappointments!!

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 27 September 2019 12:40

Published: Friday, 27 September 2019 12:40

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 12277

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, Week 6 is upon us!

Week 5 was everything it could’ve been and more. We saw some big wins by quite a few teams last week that has once again proved to us that the only thing we know about how this session will play out is that we don’t know anything about how this session will truly play out.

The sun was scorching the fields at the Angry Buffalo, and it definitely caused more than a few of our TSLers to do some silly things along the way as dehydration ran wild all over the place. As sunburned faces searched for water, others were off searching for love. In this very column, over the last few weeks, I’ve been advocating for Scotty Dro from Frodo Swaggins. He’s been emailing me and calling his shots all over the place. I liked his moxie, and I was impressed with the swagger of a new QB who hadn’t done much yet in the TSL, but he sure acted the part of someone who did. I felt like he was going to be the next big thing, and maybe he still is, but after all of the hype, it appears he fell short when it was his turn to go to bat.

You simply cannot tell the world about your crush, and that you want to marry her, and whatever else, and then COMPLETELY DROP THE BALL AND NOT TALK TO HER WHEN SHE’S ON THE FIELDS RIGHT NEXT TO YOU. Topper is a genius Scotty. He knew months ago that you’d fall in love with “Casey from Quinn” and that’s why he waited until the perfect moment to put you two on the fields next to each other. You called your shot, pointed to the bleachers like you were going to hit a home run, and foul tipped the ball into the catcher’s glove.

I’m disappointed. I was hoodwinked into thinking this was going to be something special. Hell, even 40 Year Plan Guy took multiple swings at Katie Keller along the way. And on top of all of this, I realized that I was wrong about Scotty. He’s still got a ways to go to be a superstar here. So it’s made me question everything else I thought about our Faux Romeo. I got angry emails two weeks ago from Garrett Beesing, letting me know that his hands were never the problem. I was wrong Garrett, I can now assume it’s Scotty who is the problem. I’m sorry. Scotty also stepped up and started to call for the end of Joey Batts’ career, saying he was done. Clearly, believing that was wrong too. And that’s why to help young Scotty make a love connection, I went to Joey to see if he’d be willing to give any tips to help “Dro” out on finding love. “The Dream” Joey Batts proceeded to accept my apology for not believing in him, and he stepped up to give some advice. Presenting, Joey Batts’ Love Corner!!!

At least, this is where Joey’s Love Corner was supposed to be. Instead, he has also disappointed me and despite knowing the article has a deadline, he’s not sent me anything after saying he would days ago.

You really can’t trust anyone anymore. So if there’s a TSLer out there who would love to give Scotty some love advice, please email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and I’ll post that advice here next week!

And now, let’s get onto the games:

D1:

Last Week’s Games:

Public Enemy 31, Tight Ends In Motion 22

Tight Ends In Motion 14, Marketing Mayors 13

Marketing Mayors 35, Public Enemy 28

Eyes Downtown 35, Gryffindor 0

Public Enemy, TEIM, and the Mayors had a triple threat match last weekend, and when the dust was settled, all of them came out 1-1. Shout out to Tight Ends, as I said in my last article that they’ve been getting really close to finally winning some of these close games, and just like that they took out the defending champs. There was also talk that had they not had to start shorthanded with a QB that wasn’t McKenrick they would’ve been 2-0 on the day. But, they weren’t, and that’s okay. They’re beginning to peak at the right time. Public Enemy handled TEIM but dropped a decision to the Mayors in a close contest. It doesn’t help that Mike Boccio was sent to the Cleveland Clinic this week for further tests on his concussion that he didn’t (but did he?) get a few weeks ago, as he was sent there by his doctor and caretaker, Diana Bernard. Get well soon little guy. Finally, Eyes Downtown handily disposed of Gryffindor, giving Joey one last chance to get that elusive first win in D1.

This Week’s Games:

Tight Ends In Motion vs Gryffindor (+13) – It hurts to have to write that spread, but it makes sense. Gryffindor has been abused twice now by TEIM, but there is one difference this week: They’re playing at 10:00. The last two games had been at the day’s end, but this time Gryffindor will show up ready to go, bright eyed and bushy tailed, while we aren’t sure if TEIM will start the “too early” game with a full squad. Let’s do it: GRYFFINDOR BY 2

Eyes Downtown vs Marketing Mayors (EVEN) – The current champs against the current number one contenders to the throne, I couldn’t make a line on this one no matter how hard I tried. The Mayors have seemed a little more up and down lately, while this whole season it feels that Eyes Downtown has been on cruise control. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 4

D2:

Last Week’s Games

Energy Buff 21, We Back 0 (Forfeit)

Dilf’s 33, Bullet Club 27

A very slow week for D2, as they only had two games and one of them was a forfeit. What a weak move by We Back. We aren’t sure they’ll be back at all this session, but I can assure you that the TSL is taking measures to replace them with a team so others won’t be having to miss out on games because of this nonsense. The other matchup was a bit of a barnburner and BC and the Dilf’s went back and forth in this one before the Dilf’s punched in a game winning touchdown that saw Dubey throw the ball to Eric Stegs, which just might be the oldest combined TD combo in league history.

This Week’s Games:

Bullet Club vs Energy Buff (+3) – Two teams that have traveled similar paths meet up in a “Who Doesn’t Get To Play Peachy/A&A In Round 1 of the playoffs” matchup. Both teams have only one win this season (against We Back), both have had attendance issues, and both have this game circled as “must win” on the calendar. BULLET CLUB BY 6

HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO vs Peachy Platoon (EVEN) – A great offense versus a great defense. I’m giving Team Topper all of the credit here so far, even if they’ve played a weaker schedule than most of D2. If this defense is truly going to be “legit”, here’s their biggest test to date. This “D1 Jr.” matchup is MUST SEE TV here. Peachy is still great, but if there’s one area they’ve struggled with so far, its playing against smart veteran teams who know how to stop them. How will this one go? PEACHY PLATOON BY 3

A&A vs Dilfs (+6) – A lot of questions on this game, and most of them just come from who is going to show up on both sides. Dubey finally graced the TSL with his aura last week and the Dilf offense was better than ever. A&A has had some attendance issues as well, although a lot of that had to do with injury issues. With a week off, perhaps they’ll be able to have rested and get everyone to the fields? If the Dilfs have championship aspirations, this is a game they need to win. DILFS BY 1

Slytherin That End Zone vs Energy Buff (+8) – SITE also comes back after a week off. Energy Buff could really use all of their horses for this one. It seems every week they’re missing Ben Stack or some of their girls, or their QB, etc. If they’re at full strength for once, they could pull the upset here. SITE really likes to get down early and make a comeback, so it’ll be on them to come out of the gate hot. Look for Newman to Dawson early, that guy is a heck of a WR. SITE BY 7

Slytherin That End Zone vs We Back (+21) – The line is simply what it’ll be when We Back tries to forfeit again. Even if they play: SITE BY 21

D3:

Last Week’s Games:

No Punt Intended 44, End Game 30

3^rd & Schlong 41, Ultimate Warriors 32

Jabronies 39, Sticky Bandits 16

No Punt Intended 33, Puckett All-Stars 21

All We Do Is Quinn 44, Vaspian 18

Jabronies 29, Frodo Swaggins 28

Puckett All-Stars 32, Sticky Bandits 28

A BIG slate of games for our D3 division this last week. What did we learn? Well, we learned that No Punt Intended really is a contender for the throne as they went 2-0 in games they had to win. The biggest winners of the day were the Jabronies, who knocked off Frodo Swaggins (And their distracted QB) along with winning the big bet that ended up being a small bet against Sticky Bandits. Sticky had a rough day at the office, going 0-2. Quinn continued being awesome, and didn’t take Vaspian lightly. They walked away with an easy win, Vaspian walked away with a learning experience. Puckett hung in there with NPI and then beat Sticky to get that elusive first win of the season. With how the standings are shaping up, they have the ability to sneak in the playoffs still. 3^rd and Schlong continues their ascent up the standings with another victory. The Keller clan is coming together and they’re looking to be a tough out the rest of the way after a shaky start. End Game is looking like they might have some work to do to stay in the playoff hunt or they risk dropping out.

This Week’s Games:

Puckett All-Stars vs Ultimate Warriors (EVEN) – This game has big playoff implications. Both teams are sitting just on the outside looking in, but getting a win here most likely puts them in the Top 8 after Week 6 is over. Not only that, but this game will help in terms of tiebreakers as well. I like how Puckett played last week, but I’ve liked how the Warriors have played all season (mostly). ULTIMATE WARRIORS BY 8

Frodo Swaggins vs Ultimate Warriors (+6) – Frodo needs to make sure they win this one, as the loss to the Jabronies have put them into the 4/5 matchup zone that they most likely don’t want to be in. If Scotty is any form of a man, he’ll be wanting to prove himself in this one as well. The Warriors are going to have a battle with Puckett just before, so they’ll be a little tired going into this one. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 10

All We Do Is Quinn vs No Punt Intended (+7) – I’ve done this every year. It always feels to me that NPI has turned a corner during a season, I talk them up and pick them to win, and they lose by 30. Not this year. They need to prove it to me more than ever that they’re a legit contender. A win against Quinn would absolutely do that. Quinn is still just rolling. Vince slings it, Rawdin catches it, and if he doesn’t, one of Cat, Emily, or Casey does it for him. It just isn’t fair. AWDIQ BY 12

Jabronies vs 3^rd & Schlong (+7) – Two of the hottest teams in D3 are going to go head to head this week. Jabronies laid their claim to the throne with two big wins over contenders last week. 3AS has found their mojo and they’re looking like the team that took the TSL by storm not too long ago. A win here for 3AS would be huge, and it’d announce to everyone else that they’re back. I love me some Kellers. 3^RD AND SCHLONG BY 1

No Punt Intended vs Sticky Bandits (+3) – Sticky easily would’ve been favored in this game before the devastating Week 5 that they had. Now it seems they’re mortal. Whispers have been abound that the QB situation is part of the problem, as a returning from injury Rags hasn’t been nearly as good as Sticky would’ve hoped. The team seems to play better with Mike Thomas at QB, and one has to wonder which way they’re going to go this time. NPI has one hell of a week ahead of them as well, they can’t afford to go 0-2. NO PUNT INTENDED BY 4

Sticky Bandits vs Vaspian (+7) – Vaspian is a fun team that are quite athletic and still get all of the credit in the world for not only starting in D3 as a brand new team, but for actually performing well and competing too. However, if there’s on thing Sticky can do better than anyone, it’s out smart their opponents, especially when they’re brand new. STICKY BANDITS BY 13

D4:

Last Week’s Games:

Buffalo Solar Solutions 29, Mountain Dew Me 23

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers 41, Full Throttle 21

Buffalo Solar Solutions 46, Matty’s Angels 43

Matty’s Angels 35, Cunning Stunts 17

HOLD. THE. PHONE. Just like in every single video game, it appears that this final boss can be slayed as well. Buffalo Solar Solutions may have had the best day at the office last week, and that’s saying something. First they disposed of Mountain Dew Me, ho hum. But then they took on the beasts of D4, looked them in the eye, and slayed them. It is on me for saying this division is basically over already, I was wrong. BSS has shown that they can compete here, and always in the TSL, we know nothing. Matty’s fueled that anger into a victory with their championship revenge against the Stunts later on. Shout out to Uncle Rico’s who are finally finding their way with a nice win over Full Throttle.

This Week’s Games:

Full Throttle vs Mountain Dew Me (EVEN) – I’m well aware that Full Throttle defeated MDM 28-14 in Week 1, but that feels like it was ages ago. Since then these two teams feel like they’re going in different directions. I know that FT has a better record than MDM still, but I’ve been getting more reports on how MDM is getting better each week, and I don’t feel that with FT. Look for some MDM revenge win here. MOUNTAIN DEW ME BY 6

Cunning Stunts vs Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers (+10) – The Stunts can NOT be happy after getting shown up by the Angels once again. With Matty’s regaining the title of “best gender team” last week, one has to think that the Stunts (in their cool new jerseys!) will be looking to just stomp a mudhole in poor Uncle Rico’s. If QB Tim can keep his cool instead of being enamored with certain members of the Stunts, they might stand a chance. No, I don’t think he can do it either. CUNNING STUNTS BY 13

Matty’s Angels vs Full Throttle (+11) – The worst thing that could happen to a team that’s on a hot streak is a game against Matty’s Angels. So what do you think happens when a team is on a cold streak? MATTY’S ANGELS BY 20

Buffalo Solar Solutions vs Mountain Dew Me (+6) – Through the magic of 6 team division scheduling, we’re getting this game again so quickly after the 29-23 BSS win last week. This is the perfect spot for a “let down” game for BSS after they must be ridin’ high from the big wins. BSS has to make sure that they don’t assume they’ll win this one just because they won last Saturday. BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS BY 7

D5:

Last Week’s Games:

Practice Squad 38, Cobblestone 6

Hope N Ruin 22, Pink Pteratacos 12

Hung Buffalo 22, Pink Pteratacos 13

Hung Buffalo 42, Cobblestone 14

D5 didn’t have a ton of action last week, but the games that did happen pretty much cemented what we already kind of know: Cobblestone and Pink Pteratacos are not that great. Team Darryl Carr QB Superstar has had quite the fall from grace the last few sessions (they were in D3 a few seasons ago, I swear), and this week’s 0-2 record seems to fan the flames of D6 whispers for both next season. Hung Buffalo got two big wins though, as they try to keep pace with the Big 3 of D5. Speaking of the Big 3 of D5, Practice Squad got a lights out win against Cobblestone, further proof that they’re for real in this division.

This Week’s Games:

Over Compensators vs Practice Squad (+12) – It feels just down right dirty to make Practice Squad a double digit underdog here, but the OC is just THAT DAMN GOOD. They average about 15 more points a game than PS, and give up about 5 points less a game. If anything, the line might not be high enough. This is absolutely one of the best games of the day though. Keeping up the Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out theme from past articles, PS is taking on Iron Mike here. If they can figure out how to stop Larry and the OC’s offense, they’d be the first it seems. OVER COMPENSATORS BY 10

Hope N Ruin vs Cobblestone (+9) – I don’t give Cobblestone smack on purpose or to be a jerk. I know they’re a great bunch of people, but I’ll keep saying that they need stability at quarterback to really make this this work. Darryl is a future Hall of Famer (don’t listen to Rameer) but its time they get Garrett to be full time QB. HNR is starting to right the ship after a slower start. They’re an uncharacteristic 1-4, but perhaps they’re starting to get things right before playoffs, where they’ve shown they can take it to the next level. HOPE N RUIN BY 6

En Fuego vs Hung Buffalo (+8) – Hung Buffalo got a little bit of their swagger back last week, but in reality they just beat up on the two worst teams in the division. HB’s real test comes this week in the form of the jorts wearing juggernauts of En Fuego. Last time we saw En Fuego, The OC was smacking them around the Rose Garden. Blasé LaDuca spent the bye week just sitting next to a reflection pool thinking about life and what’s next for his team. Well, a date with HB seems to be it. Should be a good one. EN FUEGO BY 7

Hope N Ruin vs Come From Behind (+7) – Both teams have similar defenses, but Hope N Ruin has the offensive advantage. Paul LoVullo still has some of the best hair in the league, and he can still sling it, but the touchdowns just aren’t there like they used to be. This perennial D5 matchup should be close, but for now I’d take HNR. HOPE N RUIN BY 4

Come From Behind vs Pink Pteratacos (+8) – The Pteratacos shouldn’t be favored against anybody at this point, even the potential “older veteran team playing their second game in the sun” matchup they have here. I’ll continue to point out how good their girls are, but that’s about the only thing PP has going for them. Look for Mark to blow this team up, and we’ll be seeing the Pink UFOs come to a D6 Spring Session near you. COME FROM BEHIND BY 10

D6:

Last Week’s Games:

Tater Tots 34, Blitzkrieg 18

pAssless Chaps 26, TMA 18

The BiPolar Express 36, Shattered Dreams 24

Zack Attack 20, The Replacements 14

Zack Attack 27, The BiPolar Express 24

Graves Bros 37, Wild Oak Beard Co 25

Here’s another division where the “Top 3” has officially become a “Top 5”. Zack Attack went 2-0 this week, and they lead the division with a 6-1 record. They took over the “top contender” throne with their win against the BPX this weekend. But, multiple reports told me that the Attack blew a 27 – 8 lead in the second half as soon as Cat Peters appeared on the field. BPX also disposed of Shattered Dreams this weekend, a team that is slowly adjusting to life in the TSL. They had BPX on the ropes for a little bit I guess, before a costly pick gave the game away. The Tater Tots came through in their big “playoff positional seeding” game against Blitzkrieg. That should be huge for the tiebreakers that will undoubtedly come into play at season’s end. WOBCO’s little hot streak came to an end against Graves Bros. The Bros have been rushing Gronk all season, and for a newer team like WOBCO, it can be a little intimidating when a giant man with incredible quickness is barreling down on your QB. Finally, in the game of the day, the pAssless Chaps reminded everyone that this division runs through them as they take in a victory against TMA in what could easily be the D6 title game.

This Week’s Games:

pAssless Chaps vs Blitzkrieg (+10) – The problem for Blitzkreig isn’t so much their offense. They can score. But their defense might be better off getting a couple of kids from the nearby preschool. They can’t stop anyone. Coach Jay and the Chaps should be ready to pick them apart in this one. PASSLESS CHAPS BY 13

Wild Oak Beard Co vs Shattered Dreams (+7) – Two new teams that improve each week meet up in this one. Wild Oak looks to get back to their winning ways after a loss to Graves. Shattered Dreams looks to get their first win in the TSL ever. Last week, the Shattered Dreams QB allegedly had clown face paint on at the bar, so I’m excited to hear about if he does it again this week. WILD OAK BEARD CO BY 10

The Bi-Polar Express vs The Replacements (+10) – The problem for The Replacements here may be their lack of females that can hang with the BPX girls. BPX has scored nearly double the points of The Replacements this season, and I just don’t see a way for TR to really keep up here. THE BI-POLAR EXPRESS BY 13

Zack Attack vs TMA (EVEN) – This is a BIG game for D6. TMA is coming off a loss to the Chaps, while the Attack sit atop of this wild division. QB Ryan and Good Nick have made worlds of difference for TMA (Although Steph Czaja might have been the best FA pick up by Ferger this season). The Attack can score, and they can exploit. They can also play defense too, and that’s the biggest reason they have a great shot to take this one home. One Day, I’ll learn more about them. ZACK ATTACK BY 8

Graves Bros vs Tater Tots (+7) – The Tots come into this one looking to make their own claim to the “contenders” group in D6. A win here would surely do just that, or at the very least put them in the conversation. Graves is looking to keep running with the big dogs in the top of D6, so this is a game they have to win here. And they should. GRAVES BROS BY 14

TMA vs Tater Tots (+9) – Drunk Meg vs Drunk Meg’s Boyfriend. There HAS to be a bet on this right? I know that 98% of TMA reads this article (Hi Brent!) so can ONE of you get there to be some sort of bet? Come on. Do it for America. Do the Tots read this? If they do, you get to work on your end. This could be a fun 3:00 game to watch. TMA BY 10

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

1.      Can Scotty Dro redeem himself after failing so hard? Seriously, you can’t call your shot and let your crush know you’re all about her, and then get more tight lipped around her than a Target mannequin. You made me look foolish Scotty, I’m not thrilled about it.

2.      Will We Back show up? My Sources say no. Seriously, I’ve been hearing murmurs that there’s definitely going to be a fill in team for this week, and perhaps the rest of the season. No, you can’t be on it.

3.      Will Topper be a changed man after his spiritual trip to Scotland? More than likely not. He’ll be the same Uncle Topper, but I really just wanted to take this moment and let him know that most of my associates at the fields did say that he was missed greatly this week.

4.      Will we have any teams have an undefeated season? With only a few weeks left in the regular season, we have only THREE TSL teams that have yet to receive a loss yet this session: HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO, A&A, and The Over Compensators. Since Team Topper and A&A play each other still this season, that means one of them will lose along the way (of course they’ll end up tying), and The OC plays their toughest test the rest of the way this week against Practice Squad. If they can win that one, they have a great chance to be undefeated.

5.      Did you prepare for that hot September sun? While I was hanging out on a nice, breezy day in my backyard in Des Moines, Iowa on Saturday last week, I heard most of you were being burned alive by the sun. I already know you didn’t wear sunscreen, but seriously, take a look at the weather channel before coming to the fields and stay hydrated. It’s looking to be in the 70s again next weekend, but this time it seems we might see some rain before day’s end.

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS ABOUT SATURDAY:

1.      Here’s your must watch list for this week:

a.      10:00 – Over Compensators vs Practice Squad – Field 4

b.      11:00 – HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO vs Peachy Platoon – Field 1

c.       12:00 – Marketing Mayors vs Eyes Downtown – Field 1

d.      1:00 – All We Do Is Quinn vs No Punt Intended – Field 2

e.      2:00 – Jabronies vs 3^rd and Schlong – Field 1

f.        3:00 – Vaspian vs Sticky Bandits – Field 1

2.      Shout out to Travis for another successful rendition of “Titos with Travis”, as he had on Gabe and Heather from Vaspian. Go watch it on our Facebook page (Like it if you haven’t!) and learn about some of our newest TSLers!

3.      This shouldn’t be hard, but seriously people, don’t get in the refs faces. League Expulsion is an option. Think before you do anything stupid.

4.      The one team in each division I think everyone is sleeping on: Tight Ends In Motion, Slytherin that end zone, 3^rd and Schlong, Mountain Dew Me, Hung Buffalo, and Wild Oak Beard Company.

5.      The more stories I hear from my associates, the more I hear about teams rushing a guy instead of a girl. I know that its been done like that by many teams over the years, but usually your fastest girl rushing is the norm. So that got me thinking: What is your preference on rushing? Personally, I think having a fast girl rush is the way to go. I also know there’s two trains of thought on HOW to rush. I’ve always been an advocate for the rusher to take a few steps back into the play when counting and then rushing full speed ahead at 5 seconds to time it jussssttt right at 6 one thousand. A fast girl who knows how to “speed count” without getting flagged is a HUGE asset. Shout out to Maggie LaMantia, who may just be the best in the business when it comes to female rushers. She scary.

6.      The TSL’s Current “Bernal Family” Rankings:

a.      1^st – Travis: was excellent on the podcast and started Tito’s with Travis. Plus he’s playing lights out.

b.      2^nd – Diana: Scoring touchdowns and having fun, word has also gotten to me from unnamed sources that she’s the family’s best singer as well.

c.       3^rd – Boccio: dragging this concussion thing out a little too long

d.      4^th – Val: she takes pictures, sure, but what has she really DONE this season? We should expect more from the First Lady of the TSL. Expect a bounce back week this weekend.

7.      Just want to give another Good Job to the Buffalo Solar Solutions crew. Beating Matty’s Angels is awesome and they’ve really been playing good football for the entire 2019 calendar year.

8.      With the return of Topper, perhaps we’ll also see the return of the Topper Wheel of Hope? ONE MORE SPIN LETS GOOOOO!

9.      I heard on the Official TSL Podcast this week that pAssless Chaps member Makensey (is that actually spelled right?) would have loved to be in Breakfast Club, but she didn’t know how to sign up. I know for a fact that Topper emails all of your captains before the season starts to have them tell you to sign up. If you’re not getting word about it, yell at your captains!

10.   Please do us all a favor and DO NOT PARK ON THE STREETS BY FIELD 5. I know Rameer touched on this, but I want to do it as well. That includes you, referees. We see you. You’re the example setters for the league on this one. Thanks for you cooperation everyone!

Week 6 is comin’ in hot and the playoff races are taking shape. There’s a LOT of big games this week for a lot of teams, and I Personally can’t wait to wake up Sunday morning and see the results in my email.

Scotty, seriously, you owe me.

Good luck this week guys and be safe out there. I won’t be watching. . .

Week 7 Thoughts, Picks & Stuff

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Thursday, 03 October 2019 20:55

Published: Thursday, 03 October 2019 20:55

Written by Patrick McGovern

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Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, Week 6 is in the record books. The calendar has officially turned to October in the Year of Our Lord 2019. It pains me to say this, but there are only TWO weeks remaining in the regular season for the Fall 2019 Session. And even though we only have but a few games remaining, man do they ever matter! Playoff races are far from decided. Seeding is all over the place. The TSL is, as usual, a scrambled mess with nobody truly knowing just how everything is going to play out. What does that mean for us?

It’s going to be VERY fun to watch it all play out.

Teams that were looking good a few weeks ago don’t look so good anymore. Teams we had questions about have answered them, emphatically. Other teams that seemed like something was missing are getting really hot right now. There are some teams out there that I don’t think anyone wants to see lining up against them, when a few weeks ago that may not have been the case.

The great tragedy that is a TSL season is almost in the books. I always say it’s a tragedy because by the time the smoke clears, only six of our 47 contenders for Social Co-Ed Football immortality will achieve the success that some can only dream of. Only the Special Six will walk into the banquet in the winter, knowing that they’re champions, and the rest of us can only bow to them. That means 39 other teams will have nothing to do but hang their heads in shame, knowing that they just quite weren’t good enough, and they’ll have to go back to the drawing board.

Who is playing the best football right now? Who has the best shot at taking home the coveted Topper Trophy as division champions? Let’s take a look at all of that fun, and more, in this week’s article.

D1:

The Contenders:

Eyes Downtown, Marketing Mayors, Public Enemy

That Middle Zone That Isn’t Nearly As Bad As Being Gryffindor:

Tight Ends In Motion

Gryffindor:

Gryffindor

Last Week’s Scores:

Eyes Downtown 37, Marketing Mayors 29

Not a ton of action this weekend in D1 with a game being cancelled. Eyes Downtown beat the defending champions by a score, but I already heard (Okay, I read the QB Power Rankings, because it’s EXCELLENT) that Dalfonso wasn’t in at QB, so you can’t fully read much into this. D1 needs to be appreciated more. Yes, Gryffindor is having a horrible season, but they just got to the division, and I really hope they stay there for the Spring. It’s not easy leaping into our highest division and to just expect to compete ASAP is a fool’s errand. Just ask Tight Ends In Motion. They’ve been in the division for a while now and they’re still figuring it out. They get better each year (as their never ending QB issues seem to have finally worked themselves out, although no offense to Mike McKenrick, I’m always going to be #TeamSeth) and they’re on the cusp of really making a splash in D1. The biggest issue for them is just how good the top 3 teams in this division truly are. Public Enemy isn’t on a giant winning streak, but they’re still smart as hell. They’ve had semi-issues with attendance (Most notably Mike Boccio’s 17 week absence with a “boo boo”) this season, but no team is more effective with their full squad. They even added another layer of depth by finally getting Cheryl and Heather to accept another female in the fold, and the work of Misty Himes has added another dimension to PE’s game. The tiny little spark plug is secretly one of the fastest girls in the league, which, when she’s rushing the QB, she’s almost always disrupting their timing and making them adjust. They’re slow playing her in terms of getting her more involved in the offense (It’s incredibly hard NOT to put Cheryl and Heather on the field every single time) but given more time to develop she can become a force until Cole’s arm finally falls off by 2047. Eyes Downtown is the current favorites and quite frankly they’re playing some of the best football in the entire league still. There isn’t much more to say about Bobby’s squad: they’ve been dialed in pretty much all season. Beth and Joey are a formidable female pair, and everyone already knows just how good the guys on that team are as well. But what about our defending champions? They’re also just cruising along, waiting for the playoffs. Cory Turner has been watching the weather reports and reading the farmer’s almanac more than anyone (as is tradition) and is prepped to have his team ready to defend the crown. We know about their QB, everyone has heard of the legend of Andy Smith, and girls could only hope to be as good as Julie, but what about a sort of secret weapon like Andrew Bermel? Sure, if you’ve played against the Mayors, you’ve seen him just be a consistently good player. He’s the type of guy any team taking a run at the championship needs. He’ll do whatever is asked of him, but he won’t gripe about it. He doesn’t NEED the ball, but he’ll still score on you without a problem. He’ll go out and proceed to shut down teams on defense as well. He may not get the publicity as much, but shout out to you Mr. Bermel, your efforts aren’t completely unnoticed.

This Week’s Games:

There are NO D1 Games this week. A few teams will play in Crossover games with D2 teams, and I’ll cover those in the next section.

D2:

The Contenders:

HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO, A&A, Peachy Platoon

The “We’re Here Too, Don’t Sleep on Us” Teams:

Dilfs, Slytherin That End Zone

The “Is it Spring Yet?” Teams:

Bullet Club, Energy Buff

The Others:

We Back   Schilling ‘Em Softly

Last Week’s Games:

Bullet Club 25, Energy Buff 22

A&A 45, Dilfs 15

HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO 44, Peachy Platoon 21

Energy Buff 45, Slytherin That End Zone 41

Slytherin That End Zone 36, Schilling ‘Em Softly 31

Well, We Back is not back. They were a joke from the beginning and, not surprisingly, they’re out of the league. That’s a shame because word was out that the few people that actually DID show up for them were cool people, and we’re sorry for them. But, life goes on. As always, the TSL had a plan. The Breakfast Club champions were asked to fill in, and fill in they did, sort of. A hybrid version of our Spring BC champions stepped into play out the season, and if they’re anything they’re a fun team to play with/against. They would go on to lose to Slytherin this week, but multiple reports suggested they didn’t really take the game too seriously. Which is fine, they’re here to be competitive and fun. Bullet Club and Energy Buff are two teams that really had higher hopes for the season, but before you knew it, they needed to consult the USL more often than anything else. BC won their game this week, but all that really helped decide is which juggernaut they might get to play in the first round. Energy Buff was pretty much made up of mostly sub list players I hear (although they DID go about it the right way, props to Eric for not breaking any rules, it isn’t hard people) and they competed hard. Special Guest QB Matty Ice threw a game ending pick in the end zone to lose to Bullet Club, and then Special Guest QB Ricky Austin came through with a come from behind win against Slytherin. If the Dilfs had any championship aspirations, my oh my did A&A extinguish those flames of hope. A 30 point beatdown really put the stamp on things for that division in terms of showing that there’s a clear line between 3^rd and 4^th place. Now let’s get to the MAIN EVENT. UNCLE. F’ING. TOPPER. Team Topper has a great defense, we’ve known that, and if you didn’t just ask them, they’ll tell you. But we questioned that statement based on what was known as a weak schedule. The real test was there with the Platoon, and let me tell you, my reporters from the field had nothing else to say about this game other than “it said the Platoon scored 21, but Topper threw a pick 6”. That means the defense held the Platoon to 14 points on its own! Topper was slinging it, and word is he went to Europe to get the same blood treatments Kobe Bryant was getting to extend his career. Whatever it was, it worked. Team Topper was tremendous here, and it set up a brilliant showdown with A&A for the first overall seed in the playoffs this week. Speaking of that…

This Week’s Games:

HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO vs A&A (+7) – PLUS SEVEN? WHO MADE THESE LINES?!?! The truth of the matter is, Las Vegas does it. But for real, the ONLY reason this game isn’t “even” is because Matty Ice is going to be jet setting to another comic convention (as he does once a season it seems) and he won’t be at the game. He actually emailed me specifically to let me know a lot about how great he is, but he also mentioned that A&A has never won a single game without him. As much as I’d like A&A to win simply because of that, this might be the worst possible matchup for them to try to do so without their leader. HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO BY 10

D1 CROSSOVER GAMES !

Tight Ends In Motion vs A&A (+10) – It only gets worse for A&A this week. What a HUGE weekend it would’ve been for Matty to actually like, be here. His emails to me claimed that it’s a travesty that he’s only ranked #4 on the Power Rankings, and you’d think going 2-0 against Team Topper and TEIM would’ve helped him finally jump up the list? But no, he ran away from the challenge. This would’ve been a fun game with both squads at 100%, but I just don’t see it being close now. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 10

Public Enemy vs HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO (EVEN) – BUT THIS GAME WILL MAKE UP FOR IT ALL. Ladies and Gentlemen, the Lenny Bowl is ON. Team Topper is one of the hottest teams in the game right now, and they’re catching PE at the right time. This game is going to be the best of the day, I can feel it. HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO BY 2

Peachy Platoon vs Schilling ‘Em Softly (+12) – I just don’t know who is going to show up for SES this week, as a few of their players aren’t going to be at the fields or they have other games. On top of all of that, Peachy has to be feeling pretty bothered by their loss to Team Topper, and as a result, is going to take out their frustrations and remind everyone of WHO THEY ARE in this game. If the Platoon doesn’t go for 50 points here, I’d be shocked. PEACHY PLATOON BY 15

D3:

The Contenders:

All We Do Is Quinn, No Punt Intended

The “We Need To Make An Adjustment Or Two” Teams:

Sticky Bandits, Jabronies, Frodo Swaggins

The “HERE WE COME” Team:

3^rd and Schlong

The “Tough Out Because We’re Getting It Together” Team:

End Game, Puckett All-Stars

The “Battle Hard To Not Miss The Playoffs” Teams:

Vaspian, Ultimate Warriors

Last Week’s Games:

Puckett All-Stars 41, Ultimate Warriors 28

Frodo Swaggins 43, Ultimate Warriors 26

End Game 38, Frodo Swaggins 36

No Punt Intended 39, All We Do Is Quinn 26

3^rd and Schlong 41, Jabronies 8

No Punt Intended 43, Sticky Bandits 13

Sticky Bandits 44, Vaspian 18

Well Quinn, there’s a new contender in town, and they’re called No Punt Intended. NPI had the best week of any TSL team, smacking around two of the contenders for the throne and really being able to do whatever they wanted on the fields this week. While beating a Sticky Bandits team that is somehow cycling through QBs like they’re TEIM at this point is one thing, walking up to the Quinners and punching them straight in the mouth is another. This division felt decided not too long ago, but now its up in the air. Is Quinn going to blow another championship? Are they going to become “that team” that can’t show up when it matters most? Is the potential love connection involving one of their lovely ladies distracting them that much? All of these questions NEED answers. Looking at that second group, what happened? Sticky, Jabronies, and Frodo all seemed like they were more than fantastic early in the season, and now they’re just all sorts of out of sorts. Each one of those teams feels like something’s misfiring, and it couldn’t be happening at a worse time. You know, just before playoffs. At this point, I don’t think any of these teams will be able to compete with the top two, nor does it feel like they’re guaranteed to beat anyone below them. Scotty Too Hotty needs to get his head on straight. I know that Frodo was shorthanded this week in the loss to End Game, but that’s a game they need to win. The Jabronies got absolutely punished by the division’s hottest team not named NPI: 3^rd and Schlong! The AGELESS WONDER that is Scott Keller Sr is slinging it like it’s the Roaring 20’s all over again. There’s no coincidence that as soon as 40 Year Plan Guy came back to the fields, 3AS got their stuff together. Just his return alone has brought the smile back to Katie Keller’s face and gets her heart beating faster. And she’s playing like she actually cares again. People need to stop sleeping on Nicole Keller too. Every season people tend to forget just how good she is as well. She doesn’t get the publicity of the rest of her family, but she’s a hell of a player. The Ultimate Warriors picked a bad time to play some of the worst football they played all season. Going 0-2 wasn’t really an option for them, and they now need to win out to have any hope of making the playoffs. Vaspian is slowly starting to come along, but it might be too late in the season for that to happen. Kevin and Lucas were EXCELLENT on the podcast this week, and calling out AWDIQ is a little ballsy even, but this team is only going to get better the more they play. End Game got a huge win over Frodo this week, which had to be a relief to Dave and the various Vons on the team. They play hard, and they’ve worked even harder. It has to be refreshing to see the fruits of their labors finally coming in. Finally, Puckett is Puckett-ing. A team that was once winless has now won two straight and are currently sitting in the 8^th seed for the playoffs. Just like last year, when they won the D4 title.

This Week’s Games:

Ultimate Warriors vs Vaspian (+10) – We don’t know who is going to throw for Vaspian in this game, but it isn’t going to be Lucas Kramer, as he announced on the podcast that he (and many of Vaspian actually) won’t be at the game this week. That’s a shame for them because this game has HUGE playoff stakes. A win here gives either team a hell of a tiebreaker over the other. After a tough week for the Warriors, it seems like they’re going to catch a break here. ULTIMATE WARRIORS BY 14

Jabronies vs Vaspian (+21) – The worst time to not have your team in town. The Jabronies are here to make up for last week’s embarrassment, and it seems like a depleted Vaspian squad may just be what the doctor ordered. JABRONIES BY 24

Jabronies vs End Game (+8) – As I said earlier, End Game is coming together and heating up right before the playoffs. I don’t forsee them being in danger of missing the playoffs, which means the teams up top better not underestimate them in the first round of the playoffs. This is going to be a good litmus test for them against the Jabronies, and you can bet that they’ll be prepared. They’ll have a good showing, but I still expect the Jabronies to pull this out. JABRONIES BY 3

All We Do Is Quinn vs Frodo Swaggins (+10) – Well, Scotty is playing 4D chess here it seems, because there’s zero way he doesn’t talk to Casey this week. Right? I mean, technically she’ll just be counting when she rushes him, but its like she’ll be counting directly to him. He might even say “hey” after she sacks him for the 7^th time. Jokes aside, this game should have all of the makings of a potential championship game. It has fun storylines, and two really good teams (when both sides have everyone there, anyway). For this one, Quinn just got beat up by NPI and I can’t fathom them losing again. Meanwhile Frodo seems like they need to figure a lot more out on their side of things. That’s usually a recipe for a loss, eh? ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 12

D4:

The Contenders:

Matty’s Angels, Cunning Stunts, Buffalo Solar Solutions

The Other Half:

Full Throttle, Mountain Dew Me, Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers

Last Week’s Games:

Mountain Dew Me 22, Full Throttle 6

Matty’s Angels 66, Full Throttle 22

Buffalo Solar Solutions 45, Mountain Dew Me 20

It was just a nightmare of a Saturday for Full Throttle, as they were outscored by a combined 88-8 in their two games this week. Things just don’t seem to be going right for them as the season wears on, and it seems that their offense really just can’t get it together. After another rough go at it in D4, they may be looking at D5 in the spring, which can be a good thing! Mountain Dew Me may only be 2-5 in their first foray into the TSL, but they seem to be getting better each and every week as they adjust to the speed and the rules of the league. Matty’s Angels jumped back from their first loss of the season and took out their frustrations on FT this week. I loved hearing on the podcast that the guys from En Fuego were drafting different Angels and playing fantasy on the sidelines. Buffalo Solar Solutions took care of business this week, and they sit firmly in second place in the division. QB Andy has been one of the better players in the league in the second half, and last week was a huge eye opener for the TSL. A big reason for the BSS’ coming out party has been “The Best Girl You’ve Never Heard Of”, Caitlyn Mason. She played a big role in the upset against the Angels. She’s super fast, and even if she isn’t going to lead any “tallest person in the room” lists anytime soon, it doesn’t matter. Her blend of speed, route running, and her sticky hands have made her the secret weapon of the BSS squad, and well, the secret’s out guys. Sorry. The Cunning Stunts didn’t play last week, but they shouldn’t be counted out. This is a “what have you done for me lately?” league, and as a result, people are forgetting about the defending D5 champs. Finally, Uncle Rico’s is just sort of, there. This isn’t the season they planned, I’m sure of it, but things are trending upwards for them.

This Week’s Games:

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers vs Full Throttle (+8) – Uncle Rico’s gets the perfect team to help them cure what ails them, as Full Throttle is trending down. URTT will look to get back to their winning ways, and a big reason they’ll get to do that will be Jackee Thompson. Jackee has been around the league for a minute now, but she doesn’t always get the credit she deserves. She may not be classified as a speed demon, but her hands are some of the best in the league. If she has a QB that can get the ball inside her impressive catch radius, she’s going to grab it. She runs fantastic routes to get open, and she uses her background in basketball to know just how to use her body to gain separation from a defender. If Uncle Rico’s is going to get back on track, feeding her would be a great place to start. UNCLE RICOS TIME TRAVELERS BY 7

Buffalo Solar Solutions vs Cunning Stunts (EVEN) – Here’s a big game for the division. Buffalo Solar is a week removed from upsetting Matty’s Angels, and now they get the chance to prove that all of this pub they’re getting is well deserved. The Stunts should be ready to go for this game, and BSS won’t catch them by surprise. The hype is real. BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS BY 3

Cunning Stunts vs Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers (+10) – While I think Uncle Rico’s is on the upswing, I don’t think they’re at a “we can beat anyone in the Top 3” level right now. CUNNING STUNTS BY 12

Matty’s Angels vs Buffalo Solar Solutions (EVEN) – ROUND 2. FIGHT. But in reality, the Angels won’t have Matty to QB them, so they’ll be someone else’s Angels this week. I’m sure they’ll get a capable replacement for him, but this result can’t fully matter. However, if BSS can defeat the Stunts, they’ll be primed for an extremely rare gender team sweep. BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS BY 4

Matty’s Angels vs Mountain Dew Me (+10) – Mountain Dew Me played the Angels extremely well for the first half in their first game a few weeks back before it all fell apart. If they learned anything from that game, this is the perfect time for them to show the world. MATTYS ANGELS BY 9

D5:

The Kings Of The Hill:

Over Compensators

The Contenders to the Throne:

Practice Squad, En Fuego

The Middle Tier:

Hope N Ruin, Hung Buffalo, Come From Behind

The Thank God Everyone Makes Playoffs Level:

Cobblestone, Pink Pteratacos

Last Week’s Games:

Over Compensators 28, Practice Squad 14

Hope N Ruin 41, Cobblestone 28

En Fuego 33, Hung Buffalo 13

Hope N Ruin 43, Come From Behind 20

Come From Behind 38, Pink Pteratacos 36

The Pink Pteratacos had their best chance to win a game this season, and was instead handed a hard fought loss to CFB. Cobblestone keeps on trying, but I keep hearing that Darryl is still not showing up for half of these games. I really feel for them at this point. Hope N Ruin is doing what they always do and they’re getting hot before the playoffs. Yes, they got two wins over teams that are a combined 3-9, but the point is they showed up and got the job done both times in convincing fashion. En Fuego reminded anyone who may have forgotten that there’s a clear D5 divide this season with an easy 20 point win against Hung Buffalo. The story of the day, obviously, was Over Compensators taking on Practice Squad, and while they won, it was only by a score of 28-14. Practice Squad truly hung in there. The OC took the win though, and since nobody has really come close to them, they’re getting their own tier. Yes, I think En Fuego OR Practice Squad COULD beat them in the playoffs, I just wouldn’t bet on it. All three of these teams will look great beating on each other in D4 in the Spring.

This Week’s Games:

Over Compensators vs. Pink Pteratacos (+30) – It’s the highest line I’ve ever had to call here. The OC ripped through the PPs 50-0 in their last meeting, and I can’t fathom how this gap may have closed. Yes, the Pteratacos have played better recently, but The OC is otherworldly at this point. Larry, I’m calling you out. You better beat this spread. OVER COMPENSATORS BY 31

En Fuego vs Cobblestone (+15) – En Fuego is only half as good as The OC, and Cobblestone is better than the Pteratacos, so that’s why we find ourselves with large line that isn’t quite as big as others. Cobblestone is still fighting hard, and you love to see that. Especially when you remember they have some of the best jerseys in league history. But En Fuego is on a mission to get to The OC again. These two teams actually have to play each other twice this week, once at 11, and again at 1. Either way: EN FUEGO BY 16

Hung Buffalo vs Hope N Ruin (EVEN) – These are two pretty similar teams. HNR is a little bit of a winning streak. Hung Buffalo may score a little less, but they also allow less points as well. This is going to be a game of two even teams just going to war, and it should be fun to watch. I wouldn’t be surprised to see this be a 29-29 tie or something, but since I have to pick: HOPE N RUIN BY 1

Practice Squad vs Come From Behind (+12) – Practice Squad is gifted an easier game this week after having to battle the OC last Saturday. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 10

D6:

The Contenders:

Zack Attack, TMA, Bi-Polar Express, Graves Bros, pAssless Chaps

The With A Little More Practice, We’ll Get There Teams:

Wild Oak Beard Co, The Replacements

The Pretenders:

Tater Tots, Shattered Dreams, Blitzkrieg

Last Week’s Games:

pAssless Chaps 65, Blitzkrieg 13

Wild Oak Beard Co. 32, Shattered Dreams 8

The Replacements 38, The Bi-Polar Express 36

TMA 31, Zack Attack 16

Graves Bros 52, Tater Tots 0

TMA 44, Tater Tots 6

Oh those loveable Tater Tots. Someone cooked them for too long, and instead of being crispy and delicious, they’re burned and sad. A combined 96-6 doubleheader will do that to you. They’re still rising stars in the league, but man that’s a bad day. Speaking of bad days, Blitzkrieg had yet another one, as they allowed 65 points to the Chaps, who are just gearing up for the playoffs. They’ve allowed almost 300 points on the season, and are reaching out to Rex Ryan on Twitter to see if he’s going to be able to help with the defense. Shattered Dreams brings up the final team in the Pretenders category, and while a 32-8 loss isn’t nearly as bad as the others, it should still be concerning that they started the game with only 3 males this week. Joe K ended up filling in and playing QB (thus the lack of scoring), and it seems like they’ve had attendance issues more often than not. I still don’t know what they are. On the flip side, WOBCO went out and took care of business on the field yet again. The Replacements came out and upset The BPX after going down early in the game. They still have some fight left in them as we near the playoffs. TMA were the big winners this week, going 2-0 and getting a big win against Zack Attack, and moving into second place in the standings. Graves Bros were one of the teams that beat up on the Tots, cruising to a 52-0 victory.

This Week’s Games:

pAssless Chaps vs Zack Attack (EVEN) – The first part of our double main event for D6 this week focuses on the current first place in the standings team (Zack Attack) versus the team that lost in the championship game last season (the Chaps). This should be a hell of a battle as teams play for positioning in the playoffs. The Chaps have been rolling as of late, while it feels like the Attack just isn’t. PASSLESS CHAPS BY 10

pAssless Chaps vs Wild Oak Beard Co. (+8) -  This is a big game for WOBCO. They’re going to be catching the Chaps after what should be a hell of a game against the Attack, while WOBCO is coming in fresh. We need to know more about WOBCO for sure, but this win will all but assure them of the playoffs. I think we’ll see them compete hard, but ultimately fall. PASSLESS CHAPS BY 3

TMA vs The Bi-Polar Express (+8) – It’s rare for us to have to give points to the gender team here, but TMA is the worst matchup for BPX. If you can’t recall, BPX loses 4 girls to TMA every single time they play. That’s the only downside for grabbing the amazing foursome of females from TMA. But as amazing as TMA’s girls are, let’s give a shout out to one of the lesser recognized TMAers out there. You’ve heard of Ferger being great, Nick getting burned so badly they needed to get a “good” Nick (or so I’m hearing), Ron Webber is fantastic, but what about Rob Rummings? He’s more commonly known as “Drunk Meg’s Brother”, but Rob deserves some love too. He get a little lost with all of the TSL Celebrities on TMA, but Rob has really good hands, and even some deceptive speed. He’s not afraid of going for the jump ball, and runs pretty crisp routes as well. And no, he’s not afraid to talk smack to anyone that irks him, as we saw the last time these two teams played. Look for another good game for TMA as BPX continues their slight downward trend. TMA BY 13

Shattered Dreams vs Blitzkrieg (EVEN) – THIS IS ESSENTIALLY A LOSER LEAVES TOWN MATCH. Both teams wear red. Both teams are reeling. Both teams struggle on defense. If Shattered Dreams is to make any sort of run to the postseason, this is a game they MUST win. That means getting their players there and working together instead of against each other. If SD is going to figure out how to score points this season, they have to score against this porous BK Defense. It starts this week. SHATTERED DREAMS BY 3

Wild Oak Beard Co. vs The Replacements (+1) – I put these two in the same tier, but I slightly like WOBCO a little bit more than the Replacements. While The Replacements did steal a big win from BPX last week, they aren’t the hotter team right now. WOBCO is. I look forward to seeing the results of this game, but I think WOBCO is a little more dialed in right now as a whole. WILD OAK BEARD CO BY 2

Tater Tots vs Shattered Dreams (+3) – Another HUGE game for D6 with some playoff tiebreaking implications on the line. The Tots get a slight edge based on their ability to (usually) score a little more often than SD has. This game is going to be a slugfest. TATER TOTS BY 5

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

1.      What happened to Tots vs Fries?!?!! The game isn’t on the schedule, but I have direct emails (you can email me anytime at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.) that suggested the makeup game between the Chaps and the Tots would be this week! There’s supposed to be a bet on the line people! I spoke to league management however, and it seems like this game just isn’t on the schedule. Hopefully it’ll be made up next week. If it IS played for some reason, PASSLESS CHAPS BY 10, but tots are still better.

2.      How many TSLers are we going to miss this weekend? The word has been floating around that MANY TSLers are going to be out of town, with most of them going to Nashville for the Bills-Titans game. How will this affect the games on the fields? Will the bar be boring?

3.      Is Buffalo Solar Solutions for real? My sources say yes. The upset of Matty’s Angels was a shock to most of the TSL fanbase, but you know who it wasn’t a shock to? BSS. They’ve been prepping to take this division since some incredibly talented writer for the website pointed out that they didn’t have a chance. I’m really rooting for them to sweep both gender teams this weekend and make D4 so much more interesting.

4.      Is Costume Bowl happening? YES YES YES. I have word from the Costume Bowl committee that the game will take place after all of the championship games on October 26^th, assuming the weather is nice and there is enough interest. If you want to play you can email me here, or you can find Joe K or Emily Curry at the fields!

5.      So what happens with D2 now that We Back is gone? Well, the whole point of having Schilling ‘Em Softly was to make sure that nobody missed a game during the regular season due to a weak forfeit or something. So, basically, whoever finishes the regular season in first place in D2 will now be given a bye in the first round of the playoffs, per Topper. That makes this weekend’s matchup with A&A and Team Topper THAT much more important!

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

1.      Shout out to the guys on Vaspian again. They just sound like they “get it”. The league is in need of newer, younger people who buy in to what this league is all about and I think we’ve got some right there.

2.      I’m incredibly saddened that we will be without “Tito’s With Travis” for another week. He’s going to be one of the many TSLers in Nashville this weekend, so that’ll make two straight weeks of no episode of one of our newest little features.

3.      Scotty, if you don’t talk to Casey this weekend, the entire league will just look at you with a ton of pity. Step your game up. This is your moment.

4.      Here’s this week’s “Best Games to Watch Each Hour”:

a.      10:00 – Public Enemy vs HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO – Field 2

b.      11:00 – Buffalo Solar Solutions vs Cunning Stunts – Field 4

c.       12:00 – TMA vs The Bi-Polar Express – Field 5

d.      1:00 – Frodo Swaggins vs All We Do Is Quinn – Field 2

e.      2:00 – Hung Buffalo vs Hope N Ruin – Field 2

5.      While Topper made the correct call in moving the season up a few weeks, I got multiple reports this week that the fields are starting to deteriorate. It was only a matter of time before they got muddied up, but it’s a lot better knowing that there’s only going to be 4 weeks of wear and tear on them instead of 6-7. Get yourself some cleat cleaners.

6.      WHAT A WEEKEND FOR RETURNS TO THE TSL! This week we saw James T Hearn on the battlefield with Schilling ‘Em Softly. Not to be outdone, the most honorable prophet, Second Shift Dave Walter has made his glorious return. But wait! Was that Award Winning Tommy Hughes out there as well? These people are legends in this league, and it’s always that much better to have them with us.

7.      Speaking of things that are made better when they’re there: Shout out to DJ Jimmy and Five Star Entertainment for coming out to the fields yet again and making things better with the tunes that he plays for us. It’s just a different atmosphere when the music is playing.

8.      The TSL Power Rankings is consistently hotly debated. My email box exploded this week, mostly by Matty Ice giving lots of details on why HE should be much higher that #4 on the ranks. Yet at the same time he’s no showing the biggest week of the season for A&A. Hmm.

9.      Can we get a shout out for B? B sometimes gets lost in the shuffle, but he’s been a solid ref for quite some time now. While he’s not as famous as his Brother, (B’s Brother) B finally got a shot to sling the rock one more time, and even though he’s rusty, he still was able to lead Come From Behind to a 38-36 victory. That’s awesome news. Congrats B!

10.   If I could redo the divisions RIGHT NOW into an 8-8-8-8-8-6 format to make it all ‘even’, it’d look something like this:  (I’m not including Schilling ‘Em Softly)

D1: Public Enemy, Marketing Mayors, Gryffindor, Tight Ends In Motion, Eyes Downtown, A&A, HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO, Peachy Platoon

D2: Slytherin That End Zone, All We Do Is Quinn, No Punt Intended, Bullet Club, Energy Buff, Dilfs, Frodo Swaggins, Sticky Bandits

D3: 3^rd and Schlong, End Game, Matty’s Angels, Cunning Stunts, Buffalo Solar Solutions, Puckett All-Stars, Jabronies, Vaspian

D4: Ultimate Warriors, Over Compensators, En Fuego, Mountain Dew Me, Practice Squad, Hung Buffalo, Hope N Ruin, Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers

D5: TMA, The Bi-Polar Express, Graves Bros, Wild Oak Beard Co., pAssless Chaps, Come From Behind, Zack Attack, Full Throttle

D6: Tater Tots, Blitzkrieg, Shattered Dreams, Cobblestone, Pink Pteratacos, The Replacements

These would be some pretty interesting divisions I think. Agree? Disagree? How would YOU do it? Email me.

Week 7 is here! Things are exciting as our regular season is winding down to a close. As playoff spots are on the line, I know that things can get a bit more “ramped up” in terms of testosterone (although Ladies, you can be little jerks too when you want to be) so let us all try to remember that this is a FUN game, and we shouldn’t ruin it by being jerks to one another. Keep your emotions in check and be safe out there.

The race for Social Co-Ed Football Immortality is almost over. Where are YOU going to finish?

-GF

The Godfather - Week 5 picks, predictions, thoughts and stuff

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 20 September 2019 15:37

Published: Friday, 20 September 2019 15:37

Written by Super User

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Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, I regret to inform you that on this Saturday, September 19th in the Year of Our Lord 2019, we will officially be at the halfway point of the Fall Season.

I know, I know, it’s just awful for us to have to think about a world where our TSL fun is now getting closer to its winter hibernation, but the road to Social Co-Ed Football Immortality is truly taking some interesting turns! The weather might be getting a bit colder, but the race is heating up! We finally have a bit of an idea (or so we think anyway) on how our divisions are going to shake out. Contenders have emerged across all of our divisions, and while the dust is far from settled, Its time for me to guess at how its all going to end!

D1:

Odds to Win Championship:

Eyes Downtown 3-1

Marketing Mayors 3-1

Public Enemy 5-1

Tight Ends In Motion 15-1

Gryffindor 50-1

Last Week’s Games:

Public Enemy 35, Marketing Mayors 14

Eyes Downtown 34, Public Enemy 27

Tight Ends In Motion 40, Gryffindor 15

The division is shaping up as a two horse race here, with Eyes Downtown sitting atop the division by half a game over the defending champions, Marketing Mayors. Bobby has his team focused more than ever, and while I once feared there may be some unrest in the huddle early on, that thought has been extinguished. In fact, love is the answer for this team right now as Joey Ruderman made Jeff Farr the luckiest man in (at the very least) Eyes Downtown history by saying “yes”. (Congrats on the engagement guys!). Marketing Mayors definitely didn’t play their best game against Public Enemy last weekend, but they’ve had PE’s number a bit more often than not it seems, and they’re the defending champs, which causes me to give them better odds at winning. Think Public Enemy has a chip on their shoulder? PE went from a 100 game winning streak or whatever it was to becoming the “other team” in D1. Does that perception change if they don’t lose at the buzzer to Eyes Downtown? Perhaps. But for right now, PE feels a bit off overall and it’ll be interesting to see how their second half of the season shapes up. They can very easily win this championship, by the way, and those 5-1 odds are most likely never going to be higher the rest of the season. Assuming, of course, that Diana Bernard lets Boccio ever play football again. Tight Ends In Motion has made strides since moving up to the big show but while they’ve come close to some big wins in the division, they haven’t been able to really get over the D1 hump. They play the “Big 3” very closely and they really seem to have Gryffindor’s number (outscoring them 75-15 in two games). They’re VERY close to breaking out and becoming players in the division. As for Gryffindor, other than just being unable to come close to beating Tight Ends (perhaps playing them late in the day is the issue?) they’re still much better than a 1-6 record indicates. No, they most likely will not win D1. But could they pull an upset off in the playoffs? Perhaps. They have the talent and the knowledge, they just need to put together one or two extra plays that go their way. It’ll be fun to see if they can do that.

Prediction: Eyes Downtown takes the championship, causing everyone else to train really hard in the offseason to defeat them in the Spring.

This Week’s Games:

Public Enemy vs Tight Ends In Motion (+8) – The PE vs TEIM small rivalry that was brewing feels all but dead as of late, but it can very easily be sparked right up with a TEIM win here. I know I said Tight Ends is close to a big win, but I don’t think this one is it. PE was very close to sweeping the Mayors and Eyes Downtown last week, and even with another big matchup with MM looming, I can’t see them getting caught overlooking this one. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 6

Marketing Mayors vs Tight Ends In Motion (+10) – The line would’ve been the same for both TEIM games had this game not been immediately after the first one. Having to play the Mayors when you’re fresh is one thing, having to play them right after a game when they’re not tired is another. MARKETING MAYORS BY 10

Eyes Downtown vs Gryffindor (+8) – Gryffindor lost to ED 48-45 only two weeks ago and you can bet your first born child that Joey Batts and Jeremy Burr want nothing more than to get that first D1 win (their only win was in a D2 crossover game) against Bobby and Co. The best path to getting that to happen is to find a way to get Jill and Amanda (Gryffindor’s females are way too underrated, for the record) going and playing smart. Is this the time for the win? Sources say yes. GRYFFINDOR BY 2

Public Enemy vs Marketing Mayors (EVEN) – A true pick’em if there ever was one, these two teams have played in some excellent games against each other recently, and you’d have to assume the Mayors want to get that win back from last week. MARKETING MAYORS BY 1

D2:

Odds to Win Championship:

Peachy Platoon 3-1

A&A 4-1

HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO 6-1

Dilfs 8-1

Slytherin That End Zone 8-1

Bullet Club 15-1

Energy Buff 50-1

We Back 1000000000000-1

Last Week’s Games:

HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO 36, Slytherin That End Zone 18

A&A 42, Bullet Club 30

Peachy Platoon 29, Energy Buff 6

A&A 41, Slytherin That End Zone 29

Peachy Platoon 62, We Back 6

Dilf’s 47, We Back 12

Peachy has shown up, and they’re just winning football games. Now, before the A&A fans come at me, there’s a few reasons that Peachy has better odds here. First, they didn’t ACTUALLY lose to A&A. It isn’t their fault that the only two people of the 107 that were watching that game that thought it was a catch were the refs. Second, A&A is suffering a bit from the injury bug, and who knows just how hard that will bite them along the way. I get it. HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO has only allowed 40 points so far this season but they’ve also played the easiest possible schedule anyone in D2 could’ve played at this point. Wins over We Back, Energy Buff, and “Bullet Club with Joe K having to be QB” aren’t that impressive, and just last week they were losing to Slytherin before coming on strong in the second half. We still don’t really know just how good this team is, (mind you they ARE good) and their road to the playoffs will show us where they should be truly ranked. The Dilfs are the team that feels like they’re just on the outside looking in to the championship party. The D2 dark horse, they’ve used their great tag team of talent and their combined 750 years of experience to compete in every single game they’ve played. Granted, they’ve only defeated We Back and Energy Buff so far, but close losses to Gryiffindor, Slytherin, and Peachy are indicative that they’re a force to be reckoned with. Slytherin can pretty much sum up their first half of the season with one word: inconsistent. They tend to have one good half and one not so good half. They had comeback wins against Bullet Club and the Dilfs, and they blew a lead against Team Topper last week. They lost to A&A and Peachy by 12 and 13 points respectively. They’re competing very nicely (after preseason worries about moving up) but they need a little something extra to get over that hump. Newman deserves a lot of credit for the season he’s been having so far. It’s really great to see him back to it after his injury issues. Bullet Club exists. I don’t think any team has ever had more issues getting their players to games quite like they have over the years. Let’s try to be positive Joe K’s crew though. The Club’s 1-5 record still looks worse than it could be. They’ve had the hardest schedule so far. They were the lucky team that drew Eyes Downtown in the crossover game, and they got blitzed by Peachy in Week 1 when nobody was truly ready for them. Their defense played well against Team Topper but they didn’t have a QB that game and it cost them. They blew a 10 point lead against Slytherin, and they played A&A close last week before allowing a late TD that ended the game instead of giving them a chance to win. It could be better, but it isn’t. And it’s hard to get any semblance of team chemistry when you have a different lineup each week. Energy Buff can tell you all about that one. The Buff has yet to really have their entire team show up either. I’m not sure where Tommy is, but he needs to QB this team ASAP. This is another team that has shown up with different rosters just about every week, and the players that are usually missing are good ones. They lost one score games to A&A and the Dilfs, and got blown out by Marketing Mayors, Team Topper, and Peachy. I’m not entirely sure what this team is exactly, and at this point I don’t think they do either. They have 4 games left to turn things around with some winnable games against We Back, Bullet Club, and Slytherin. We Back is, unfortunately, going through some stuff right now. Consistently having to pick up players off the USL, having people not show up, and injuries have really turned this team from slightly comical to a downright tragedy. Props to the players that have been showing up each week, only to be left out to dry every time. Things aren’t going to get better anytime soon it seems, but hopefully by the Spring they can get a roster together and give this the proper “go” in D4.

Prediction: Uncle Topper refuses to give the people what they want, and defeats A&A in the playoffs to prevent Peachy – A&A Part Deux. Peachy goes on to take D2.

This Week’s Games:

Dilfs vs Bullet Club (+7) – If Bullet Club is going to salvage this season at all, this is the place to start. If the Dilfs want to keep their dark horse status, this is a game they have to win. There is a fun little narrative with Travis’ first game against BC after leaving them as well. I’d like to think that there’s a bit of revenge on the Club’s mind. Not sure if that matters here. DILFS BY 3

Energy Buff vs We Back (+15) -  Energy Buff gets their crack at We Back this weekend, in a battle of two 0-5 teams. Buff should finally get that elusive first win. ENERGY BUFF BY 13

D3:

Odds To Win Championship:

All We Do Is Quinn 2-1

Sticky Bandits 4-1

Frodo Swaggins 5-1

Jabronies 8-1

No Punt Intended 8-1

The Field 20-1

Last Week’s Games:

Vaspian 25, End Game 13

Jabronies 27, No Punt Intended 25

Frodo Swaggins 34, No Punt Intended 29

Ultimate Warriors 46, Sticky Bandits 30

3^rd and Schlong 41, Frodo Swaggins 22

All We Do Is Quinn remains the class of the division, as they’ve scored a lot of points and after 6 games find themselves with a 5-1 record. Their only blemish is an extremely lucky Hail Mary score at the end of the game against Sticky Bandits. Even if Quinn won’t say it, we know they’re not thrilled that league management moved Peachy Platoon up to D2 instead of them, and the rest of D3 gets to feel that wrath. Interestingly enough, Quinn still has a difficult-ish D3 schedule ahead of them with games against Frodo, Vaspian, and No Punt Intended looming. Sticky Nation is a good place to be this season. After an off year for them in the Spring, the Bandits look just how they’re supposed to each season. A surprise loss last week to Ultimate Warriors notwithstanding, Sticky does have a win over Quinn that while many believe they “stole” at the end (they did) lets remind everyone that Sticky led for a lot of that game as well. Mike Thomas, Rags, Alex, it doesn’t matter who throws for Sticky as all of the QBs I just listed have been a part of this franchise for what feels like centuries at this point. They have talented guys and even better girls for just the perfect mixture to walk away with this one. Frodo Swaggins is one of my favorite teams, and a lot of it is just the pissing contest between Scotty Dro and Garrett Beesing. While those guys go back and forth on who’s the greatest, people forget that they possess some good female players in Emily Schilling, Kristen Daniels (until her knees give out again), and Sarah Hunt (whenever she actually shows up). Frodo isn’t exactly “underrated” anymore, as the rest of the division (and the league) is well aware of them now, but this is a team that THRIVES in the spotlight. The problem for them seems to be in the games that may not matter as much, and Frodo may just be a team that plays down to their competition. That may have even been evident last week, as Frodo beat No Punt Intended but proceeded to lose to 3^rd and Schlong, who hadn’t won a game in quite some time. Jabronies find themselves in the middle of the division, right about where they should be. This team has the talent to compete with the teams above them, but mostly their fortunes rest on the arm of Joe Miano. No Punt Intended loaded up in the offseason, getting the best parts of GLBS to come play with them. They got rid of their awful camo jerseys for some hip new green ones. And one thing is for certain: They can play some defense. Scoring is slightly an issue right now, but as I’ve said before about them: If they can figure out how to score a little bit more, look out. They have the right pieces, now its just about getting them into place. They still have two “prove it” games with Sticky and Quinn remaining this season, and those two games become “must watch”. Vaspian is quickly acclimating themselves to the league, as Drew Colosimo’s new team find themselves sitting at 2-2 and looking like they belong. The fit the mold of the league’s youth movement (Peachy, Quinn, etc. Basically, young and fast) and instead of starting in a much lower division they jumped right into the fire. They have the biggest game in franchise history this weekend with a game against Quinn, which will really be a measuring stick for the new team. End Game has had an up and down season so far, but QB Dave and Brandon Farr are determined to get things going in the right direction. Speaking of going in the right direction, the Ultimate Warriors sure are. The Warriors picked up a big win over Sticky and they’re really starting to click as they build team chemistry. Scott Pinto really solidified their QB situation, and the various Lattucas on the team are there to provide cool heads (maybe) and direction. Look out for this D3 dark horse along the way. 3^rd and Schlong got a win! That’s important because I was starting to get worried about them. I’ve said it about 100 times now, its better when the Keller Crew is winning. As of now they find themselves outside of the playoff race (only the Top 8 get in), but they’ve played the hardest D3 schedule to date (Quinn, Frodo, Sticky, Vaspian, and NPI) so with things getting easier as the season goes on, look for them to make a late run. Puckett All-Stars are sitting at 0-4 and really need a win or two FAST. It’s not as though they’re a bad team, they just need a little bit more of an “it” factor to really bring home some wins. Right now, it seems like they’re on their way to be watching the D3 playoffs on the couch.

Prediction: Quinn gets caught looking ahead to D2 in the Spring and blows another should be championship, this time to Frodo Swaggins in the semi-finals. Frodo then loses to Sticky Bandits who win the title, but it won’t be Scotty’s fault.

This Week’s Games:

No Punt Intended vs End Game (+6) – This is a game both teams really need. NPI dropped both parts of their doubleheader last weekend and End Game found themselves on the losing end against the upstarts from Vaspian. In this scenario, I think talent wins out. NO PUNT INTENDED BY 8

Ultimate Warriors vs 3^rd and Schlong (+3) – Both teams walked away from last week with some much needed wins to get the proverbial monkeys off their backs. This isn’t exactly a “Loser Leaves Town” match just yet, but this game could mean EVERYTHING for the tiebreakers when it comes to making the playoffs or not. 3^RD AND SCHLONG BY 4

Sticky Bandits vs Jabronies (+6) – This is must watch football this week. These two teams know each other very well, and from what I’ve heard from Jeff Krol on the podcast this week they’re going through with the bet Andrew asked me about a week ago. I’m still all for the jerseys. $10 a piece is worth it. I wonder what color Sticky will pick for the Jabronies? STICKY BANDITS BY 10

No Punt Intended vs Puckett All-Stars (+10) – If NPI needed the End Game contest to make it look like they belong in the championship picture, they extra need this one. They can’t afford to lose this one to Puckett, who seems stuck in 10^th place this year. Puckett can’t afford to make a late charge like they did last season, so if they’re going to make a run this year, it starts now. Sadly for them, NO PUNT INTENDED BY 3

All We Do Is Quinn vs Vaspian (+7) – Being a new team in your 5^th game and only being a 7 point underdog to a juggernaut like the Quinners is really indicative of how I feel about Vaspian. More than a few of my associates jumped at the chance to tell me these guys really stand out, and they’re athletic as hell. They pretty much sound like an early version of, well, All We Do Is Quinn. Big measuring stick game for Vaspian here. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 13

Frodo Swaggins vs Jabronies (EVEN) – As much as I’d like to favor Frodo right now, I don’t know if its possible. They’re just so up and down as of late. This is a great matchup between two of the league’s best newer QBs, and even though Garrett has angrily emailed me about the issues he seems to have with his hands as of late, who would know better than his own QB? I think this game has Game of the Day potential. JABRONIES BY 4

Sticky Bandits vs Puckett All-Stars (+14) – I see no reason to continue to comment on these teams here. Sticky good, Puckett not so good. STICKY BANDITS BY 11

D4:

Odds to Win the Championship:

Matty’s Angels 2-1

Cunning Stunts 3-2

Buffalo Solar Solutions 15-1

Mountain Dew Me 20-1

Full Throttle 20-1

Uncle Rico’s 50-1

Last Week’s Games:

Buffalo Solar Solutions 41, Uncle Rico’s 34

Matty’s Angels 44, Mountain Dew Me 18

There isn’t that much to say. As much as I want to find a team to pull the upset for either dominant gender team, it just isn’t going to happen unless Matty gets heat stroke again. In late October. The Angels and the Stunts are on their way to another championship battle before both of them get knocked up (see what I did there?) to D3 in the Spring. Full Throttle currently stands in the “best non gender team in D4” role, but the rest of the season can see the standings go haywire. Luke’s team however has been improving ever so slightly each season, and while it may not be as rapid as the team would like, it should be clearly stated for the public that they’re a much better team than they used to be. Buffalo Solar is the veteran team of the division, and they really can hold their own for the most part against any of these teams. Honestly, if there was one team that could upset a gender team, its going to be them. Mountain Dew Me is another fantastic new team with youth and speed, and once they get on the right track they’re going to going to be a force in the TSL. Allegedly they were keeping the game with the Angels very close until the second half, when some rookie mistakes turned into gender points. If you can’t get a girl TD consistently against the Stunts or the Angels, you’re going to lose. Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers appear to be on the right track to figuring out what the hell went wrong in the first part of their season. While I can’t envision them making the finals of this division, I could see them beating any of the non-gender teams in the first round of the playoffs.

Prediction: Matty’s Angels plays Cunning Stunts. Stunts win again to end the Fall 2019 Season.

This Week’s Games:

Buffalo Solar Solutions vs Mountain Dew Me (+6) – BSS gives the points to the new guys, simply because they’re the veteran team. But MDM can play, and they’re FAST, according to multiple reports. MDM is looking for a signature win, and if they catch Buffalo Solar sleeping, this could be it. MOUNTAIN DEW ME BY 1

Full Throttle vs Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers (+3) – Like I said above, Full Throttle is playing better than you think football, and while Uncle Rico’s is trending upwards, for this game, it’ll just mean that they don’t get blown out. FULL THROTTLE BY 3

Matty’s Angels vs Buffalo Solar Solutions (+8) – Buffalo Solar needs to bring their A game defensively if they have any chance at defeating the Angels. The problem is that they allow 40 points a game already, so the Angels might score 60 here. MATTY’S ANGELS BY 15

Cunning Stunts vs Matty’s Angels (+1) – The Stunts are the champions, so they give the point. This game is about as even as you can get. Two dominant gender squads are going to go head to head to see who are the queens (this easily applies to Matty Ice and Joey Batts as well) of the division. The Angels are looking for a modicum of revenge from losing the title game to the Stunts. The Stunts, even with the title win, HAVE to still have the chip on their shoulder since the league still just assumes Matty’s Angels are the better team. Picking this game is foolish, but I’m going to go with THE GAME ENDS IN A 44-44 TIE.

D5:

Odds to Win the Championship:

Over Compensators 3-1

En Fuego 4-1

Practice Squad 12-1

The Field 40-1

Pink Pteratacos 1000-1

Last Week’s Games:

Practice Squad 49, Hope N Ruin 46

Come From Behind 30, Hung Buffalo 22

Over Compensators 50, Come From Behind 24

Over Compensators 58, En Fuego 28

Well, the much hyped battle between The OC and En Fuego turned out to be a bust of a game. En Fuego was thoroughly embarrassed by the Over Compensators in a crazy blowout. As a result, the OC are the clear cut favorites to take home the D5 title. They’ve been the hottest team in the league (non gender) since the middle of last season, and Larry Chrusical (spelled wrong, I’m sure) is in consideration for QB of the year. I’m sure there’s other awesome players on the team who I don’t know the names of, but congrats to the OC. Blasé LaDuca, however, is NOT in consideration for QB of the year after his dismal game where his play could not cash the checks that his mouth was writing. But fear not young Blasé! En Fuego is still a fantastic team who still wears jorts. That’s a big deal, obviously. Blasé, Frank, Keita, Jessie, and the rest of the team aren’t going to just accept this defeat. They’re going to use that loss to fuel them for the rest of the season with the goal of getting the rematch with the OC in the title game. Practice Squad continues to show that they belong in D5, as Renee and friends keep winning games and looking better each week. I don’t think they’ll be winning this title this year, but they’re a top contender for it in the spring. The middle pack of D5 is clearly a step below the top 3 teams I just mentioned. There are no shocking surprises when it comes to Hung Buffalo, Hope N Ruin, Cobblestone, and Come From Behind. These four teams are TSL institutions, and they’ve been around since forever. You know what you’re going to get from them each time they step onto the field. If you sleep on them, you can very easily lose the game, but for the most part you’re going to get a hard fought contest. That isn’t meant as a slight at all. Finally, the Pink Pteratacos are just struggling to survive at this point. I don’t know what happened to Mark’s team, but they’re looking just lost at this point. On the positive side, they have some amazing girls on the team in Talia, Marla (Maybe?), and Steph. On the negative side, the last time Mark had a talented girl in D5 that the league found out about, well, nevermind. I miss Shari too, Rameer.

Prediction: We get the Over Compensators vs En Fuego final we’re all hoping for, and while En Fuego brings it this time, they still come up just short to the OC.

This Week’s Games:

Practice Squad vs Cobblestone (+10) – If Cobblestone has League Icon QB Superstar Darryl Carr throwing the ball? PRACTICE SQUAD BY 14. If they have anyone else? PRACTICE SQUAD BY 3.

Hope N Ruin vs Pink Pteratacos (+9) – Hope N Ruin’s struggles this season look more to be internal than anything as there have been multiple reports of infighting. I can’t say whether or not that’s true, but I can say that HNR’s offense isn’t the problem so much as it’s been their defense. The Pteratacos’ problems are all about offensive woes, defensive problems, attendance, etc. It’s a rough year for the PPs. HOPE N RUIN BY 13

Hung Buffalo vs Pink Pteratacos (+15) – Same story for the Pteratacos. The difference here is that Hung Buffalo can play defense much better than HNR, so it’s only going to get harder for them this Saturday. Hung Buffalo should roll in this feel good game. HUNG BUFFALO BY 14

Hung Buffalo vs Cobblestone (+7) – This match up should be a fun one as it feels like these two teams are evenly matched. Sadly, whether or not Darryl shows up still matters. Cobblestone’s growth as a team really does feel stunted by their QB position nowadays, which was NEVER (I REPEAT: NEVER) the case before. HUNG BUFFALO BY 6

D6:

Odds To Win The Championship:

TMA 3-1

The Bi-Polar Express 4-1

pAssless Chaps 6-1

Zack Attack 7-1

Graves Bros 9-1

The Field 20-1

Last Week’s Games:

TMA 32, Blitzkrieg 31

Wild Oak Beard Co 31, Tater Tots 30

pAssless Chaps 32, The Replacements 14

The Bi-Polar Express 16, Graves Bros 16

The Replacements 29, Graves Bros 27

Zack Attack 51, Blitzkrieg 13

The three returning D6 teams from the Spring are at the forefront of this division’s championship race. I really enjoy seeing The Bi-Polar Express coming together this season, as they have been working hard as a team for the last few sessions and its finally paying off. Like most gender teams, they’ll be hard to beat now that they’re figuring out how to score. The biggest issues for them lie in the schedule, as the only team that has their own odds above that they’ve played has been Graves Bros, whom they tied 16-16 with. I gave TMA the best odds for this championship simply because when TMA meets BPX, Gordon loses 4 stud girls in Steph Czaja, Diana Bernal, Valerie Testa, and Drunk Meg. TMA will always have an advantage over BPX for that reason alone. However, as BPX has added some more stud females (Cat Peters anyone?), it softens the blow for these games. TMA has said for a while now that they needed a QB, and they found one, finally. They’re really playing to the level we’ve all come to know and expect from them, and the D6 title runs through them. pAssless Chaps, mind you, actually made the title game last season. Coach Jay has them focused and doing the right things, although their problems mostly come from execution more than anything right now. Zack Attack has a great name, and a great offense as they’ve slapped around most of the other new teams in the division so far this season. The Attack has yet to face off against TMA, the Chaps, BPX, or Graves Bros though, so while they currently sit atop the division, they have a hard road the rest of the way. Speaking of Graves Bros, they HAVE played some of the better teams in the division (although TMA didn’t have the new QB Week 1), and they sit at 2-2-1 right now. The Tater Tots sit at 1-2 on the field, but the word going around is that they’ve been winning at the bar each and every week. Drunk Meg’s Boyfriend’s Team appear to be a fun bunch that can still compete on the field. They are also in on the Tots vs Fries bet that they BETTER win because Tots are so much better. Blitzkrieg is a team that gets rave reviews, but aren’t getting the results. They lost to TMA by 1 and BPX by 3. Other than the 51-13 loss last week, Blitzkrieg has been in every game they’ve played so far, and with a few more games to get on the same page, they’re a sleeper team in the division. Wild Oak Beard Co is currently sitting at 2-2 after an 0-2 start. Things are trending up for WOBCO as they have now claimed victories over Blitzkrieg and the Tots. They’re a middle of the pack team for now, but just like anyone else in this division, the more that they play together, they better they’ll get. The Replacements are the other team that came from the 5 Star Generals divorce, and while they looked like the lesser half of that split for a minute there, they ended up beating their old mates in what HAD to be a feel good win. Their schedule is a mix of good teams (BPX, Zack Attack), middle teams (Wild Oak) and some not as good teams (Tater Tots, Shattered Dreams)  so there’s a lot of room to get some wins and make the playoffs. Our final team here is Shattered Dreams, who are currently 0-3 with losses to the Chaps, Zack Attack, and TMA. That’s a pretty hard schedule for a new team, and while their next game is against BPX, things can only get better from here on out as they get to play some of the “easier” teams down the stretch. A couple of wins can get them into the playoffs.

Prediction: TMA and Zack Attack meet up in the finals, with TMA finally completing their destiny as D6 champions.

This Week’s Games:

Blitzkrieg vs Tater Tots (+3) – If Blitzkrieg was going to start getting on the winning track, this is the time for it. The Tots might secretly be the better team here, as they have had the better defense here as well. BK might be getting the publicity, but the Tots are getting the win. TATER TOTS BY 2

TMA vs pAssless Chaps (+3) – I really hope Coach Jay can play in this game because I want both of these teams to be at full strength. I really want Brent to get a touchdown, and then cap off the season with the nicest person in the league award. TMA allows more points than the Chaps, but they definitely score more as well. TMA continues to roll. TMA BY 13

The Bi-Polar Express vs Shattered Dreams (+16) – Shattered Dreams still struggles to put the ball in the end zone, but like I’ve said so far, they’ve had the hardest schedule in D6. I feel bad giving a new team to the league a 16 point spread but its incredibly hard to keep up with the gender scoring. Some free advice: if a guy is going to score have him step out at the one yard line and bring in all of your girls. (You should have 4 for this game). Try hard for the gender score, perhaps even get a girl to throw to a tall guy. You’ll need the extra points to keep up. THE BIPOLAR EXPRESS BY 10

Zack Attack vs The Replacements (+6) – The Replacements are coming off the revenge win against Graves, but its looking like the Attack is another animal. The Attack can score in bunches and sadly, the Replacements tend to allow a good amount of points. ZACK ATTACK BY 15

The Bi-Polar Express vs Zack Attack (EVEN) – Big, big game for both of these teams. BPX will be without Cat Peters (who has been great for them) as she’ll have a Quinn game at the same time. Such is the life of the gender squad. This game is for leadership of the division for the most part, and the Attack, like we said, can definitely score. I’m not entirely sure the girls on BPX will have a way to cover Zack Elphick (the only person on the team I know), which could mean disaster for them. ZACK ATTACK BY 10

Graves Bros vs Wild Oak Beard Co (+2) – WOBCO is trending up, as I said earlier. Graves Bros is a good team for sure, but the loss to The Replacements might have them reeling a little bit. Look for a bit of a surprise here. WILD OAK BEARD CO BY 7

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

1.       Are you wearing sunscreen? Seriously, its going to be 80 degrees again. Use protection so you don’t have all of your faces burned again, you fools.

2.       How will Topper not being at the fields affect the shenanigans that could occur? Shenanigans will be kept at a minimum, seriously. If you think for one second that Rameer isn’t going to be prowling every inch of the fields making sure of it, you’ve got another thing coming.

3.       What’s the game of the day this week? Cunning Stunts vs Matty’s Angels should be EVERYONE’S PRIORITY this weekend, but if you want a backup pick, I’d go check out Sticky Bandits vs Jabronies.

4.       I didn’t ask for mailbag questions, but I got one anyway: “Good Evening Godfather, In your name I pray. I pray for my family and friends to remain in good health. I pray to marry Casey on AWDIQ. Lastly, I pray the downfall of Joey Batts continues. It’s time for him to find a new hobby. With that being said, here’s one for your mailbag this week: Does Joey Batts win one game in D1 all year? – Scotty D.” Thank you for the email Scotty. To answer your question: As much as I want to say yes, it doesn’t seem likely. They only have 2 games remaining this season: This week against Eyes Downtown, and next week against Tight Ends In Motion. ED is the best team in the division currently, and TEIM has defeated Gryffindor 75 – 15 in their two meetings this season. I want Joey to win one, as he’s a fantastic human being and all, but that’s a tough hill to climb.

5.       Are you reading all of the other stuff we have to offer? If you’re coming to the website to read my article (which is obviously the best thing on the site), stick around and read the other stuff too!! Rameer’s Rant, The Sentinel and the Power Rankings are awesome! Listen to Joe K and Emily Curry’s TSL podcast! Get involved! This league is so much better when you do!

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

1.       Things I miss from the TSL: #XTC, Indecent Exposure, vandalay industries, Dave Walter.

2.       Here’s the “Go to” viewing for your Saturday:

a.       10:00 – Tater Tots vs Blitzkrieg – Field 5

b.      11:00 – TMA vs pAssless Chaps – Field 5

c.       12:00 – Marketing Mayors vs Public Enemy – Field 2

d.      1:00 – Cunning Stunts vs Matty’s Angels – Field 3 (should be moved to Field 1)

e.      2:00 – Frodo Swaggins vs Jabronies – Field 3

f.        3:00 – Cobblestone vs Hung Buffalo – Field 2

3.       The more DJ Jimmy shows up and plays music, the more people really enjoy themselves.

4.       We really need to start hearing from more of these new teams. The “new stars” I was talking about seem to be on Vaspian and Mountain Dew Me based on what I was told. Looking forward to learning more about them on other articles/emails/podcasts.

5.       Remember, if you’re having trouble fielding a team for your game (it happens to everyone at some point), don’t forfeit, and don’t play with 5 people. There’s the Universal Sub List that was created FOR THIS REASON. If there was confusion, using a player from the USL does NOT count as one of your 4 sub allowances for the season, and there’s plenty of good people on that list to fill in for you that are willing.

6.       Shout out to Travis Clev for his first “Tito’s with Travis!” Go watch it on our facebook page!

7.       We really should’ve had Breakfast Club this fall. Maybe we should do a mini-morning tourney? Drafts are fun. Or perhaps we do a blind draw? That could be something too.

8.       The TSL is in dire need of its 4^th gender team. We have WAY too many women out there who aren’t playing for one of the three we currently have. They’d be competitive right away.

9.       A current point of contention is the “IS THIS LEGAL” play where, at the 1 yard line, a girl puts her feet in the end zone, lays on the ground (passing the dog toy so the other team can’t get to her hands), and the QB places the ball in her hands for a score. Some think it isn’t a touchdown, but I got clarification, and I’ve got some news for you: It counts as a score. Clearly, the rulebook will be altered this offseason to address this new issue, but I’ve got to tell you, some of you need better things to do than to come up with this nonsense. Sheesh. Get a hobby.

10.   Word got back to me that after I posted my Week 1 article where I invited the Wanderers to come from Game On! and try their hand here in the TSL, an unnamed person passed along that invitation to the team. We have yet to get a response. Interesting.

Week 5 is here Ladies and Gents! The race for Social Co-Ed Football Immortality is heating up, and the contenders and the pretenders are getting sorted out a little more each and every week! Which one are you? Have fun and be safe!