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Week 5, picks, thoughts, insights and stuff..

Category: The Godfather's Picks
Created: Thursday, 23 May 2019 21:45
Published: Thursday, 23 May 2019 21:45
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 2898


I’m not entirely sure how, but we’ve made it to the halfway point of the regular season in the Spring 2019 session of the Topper Sports League! So far, so good. We had a couple of “questionable” weather weeks (remember, it snowed Week 1), but for the most part things have been pretty good on and off the field. Lenny would be proud. All of the teams in our league have played between 3-5 games, which means for some teams, they’re going to have to catch up a bit. As the weather gets hotter, its not always a good thing for teams to have doubleheaders later on in the Spring session.


Its Memorial Day weekend here at the TSL, which means two things: 1. Lots of teams won’t be showing up/asked for a bye and 2. The teams that ARE playing most likely will be missing a few players. It happens every single Spring session. And sure enough, those doubleheaders are already coming into play: ELEVEN teams will be playing double headers this week (And there’s only 25 games this time around): Bullet Club, GLBS, Public Enemy, Frodo Swaggins, Peachy Platoon, Morning Wood, Uncle Rico’s, No Punt Intended, The Bi-Polar Express, The Bambs, and Ugandan Warriors all find themselves playing twice this week. It’s a big week that will shake up every division and really separate the contenders from the pretenders.


As much as I love making the predictions, just remember that the lines are based on the teams being at full strength. And really, don’t read so much into it. I love your emails, but please, keep the focus on your players that aren’t getting recognized more than “OMG WTF YOU SAID WE’D LOSE BY 12 AND WE ONLY LOST BY 3 SO HA!” I’ll tell you right now:  Nobody cares.


So, again, keep letting me know who’s a standout on your team and email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..


Onto this week:


D1 (But some people want me to really stress that this is C1):


Public Enemy vs #XTC@AB (+10) – Hey! Nick Sooch shows up, slings the rock, and Coach Jay gets his first victory of the season with a 36-30 victory over Team Topper! Public Enemy, meanwhile, kept the streak going as they snuck by Marketing Mayors 40-32. The biggest hope here is that #XTC can keep up the momentum and catch Public Enemy sleeping on a holiday weekend. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 12


Eyes Downtown vs 1 Todd Too Many (+10) – The Team Topper Train was derailed yet again with a close 36-30 loss to #XTC, followed by Tight Ends in Motion getting some revenge in a 39-6 win. This puts our hero at the bottom of the standings. Granted, 1 Todd was without most of their team, so hopefully they can get the band back together this weekend as they face a rested Eyes Downtown team. I don’t know if Bobby is back yet, or if Chadwick will continue to lead ED. If Topper doesn’t have all of his horses, well, this Memorial Day we’ll be remembering him. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 7


Public Enemy vs Tight Ends In Motion (No Line) – I can’t put a line on this game. First off, there’s still a brooding rivalry here between general loud mouth (Non Award Winning) Tommy Hughes and like, all of Tight Ends. Secondly, I don’t know who’s throwing for TEIM, as Ricky Austin lead them to a 39 – 6 win over 1 Todd Too Many in a “I can’t believe Topper beat us Week 1” revenge game. That gives TEIM a three headed QB monster between Alex, Ricky, and Seth. I think Seth gives them the best chance to beat Public Enemy, but who knows if he’s available. Expect some fireworks in this one. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 2.


D2 (Although my lawyers say that I have to acknowledge this is also C2):


Bullet Club vs Gryffindor (+3) – Gryffindor got into the winning mood this weekend after beating Money Ball 43-34 before losing later on to Energy Buff 40-28. Bullet Club ended up losing to the same Money Ball team 34-23, but word is that they “softened them up” for Gryffindor beforehand. Bullet Club has yet again shown that attendance issues are a problem, as they could only trot out Travis, Joe K, Todd, and Paul Nieman to go along with their girls. If they don’t start getting people to the games, a promising season could be ending poorly. These two teams have had some memorable battles over the years, and this weekend looks to be no different. BULLET CLUB BY 4


Bullet Club vs A&A (EVEN) – The Gordon Kus vs Matty Ice saga will write its next chapter as the two biggest non-female ‘frienemies” in the league go head to head. Will Gordon just show up to this game with a red shirt on? Will both do that weird “be overly nice to each other” thing? Who will show up for A&A? I have to assume they’ll have a packed roster for this rivalry game. Matty Ice is fresh off of his Italian vacation, and he’s recharged. This should be a barnburner. Take the over. A&A BY 3.


Title Shot vs Energy Buff (+7) – Title Shot was off last week, so it’s hard to really talk about how well they’re playing. This team of “The Ghosts of TSL Past” are out here scaring the pants off the competition. We last saw them lose a game, but that was without Dubey, who apparently only signs a 5 game per season contract. TS is still on top of the division, which is right where Energy Buff wants them. EB was the preseason favorite to win this division, but fell on some hard times to start the year. They got it together this weekend, beating Gryffindor 40-28. If they’re going to do well in D2 (C2), they had to go out and beat the weakest team in the division. They did just that. Now they have their sights set on the top of the mountain. I’m not sure they’re ready for them just yet. TITLE SHOT BY 8


D3 (However our corporate sponsors consider this R1):


Peachy Platoon vs Frodo Swaggins (+7) – I give you some of the best “Game of the Day” potential here, provided both teams all show up. Peachy has been torching the division since the Week 1 hiccup, and they’re coming off of a bye last week. Frodo Swaggins had the full crew in tow last week: Garrett, Nick, Josh, Tammy, and new signee Emily 2.0. Frodo walked up to 3rd and Schlong last week, and slapped them in the teeth. They walked away with a relatively easy 48-35 victory that left 3AS looking for answers. These two teams both need a big win. If you’re not doing anything at 10:00, walk over to Field 3 and watch this one. PEACHY PLATOON BY 4


Frodo Swaggins vs Ultimate Warriors (+14) – Its just not a good year for the Warriors. They’re already sitting at 0-6, and 0-7 is staring them in the face. They hung tough with Quinn this week, losing 31-25. They’re getting it together late in the season, and that will make them a team you don’t want to play come playoff time. With Frodo focused on Peachy, look out for an upset here. ULTIMATE WARRIORS BY 1.


Peachy Platoon vs Morning Wood (+7) – Morning Wood showed some fight this week in a 27-16 loss to SITE. Word is that they apparently only played with 5 players, and for them not to lose by that much in this type of game is impressive. Mo Saleh and Dave look pretty good in red (we have ANOTHER red team everyone), and that’s a loss you can rally the troops around. They’re going to need everyone to show up with week as the division’s hottest team is coming to play. PEACHY PLATOON BY 10


All We Do Is Quinn vs Morning Wood (+10) – This might be the worst case scenario for ANY team in D3(R1): a double header, with no break in between, against Peachy Platoon and then All We Do Is Quinn. I don’t care how good of an athlete you think you are, you’re going to be DEAD TIRED after running with these squads for two hours. Quinn continued to do Quinn things this week, getting by the Ultimate Warriors 31-25. They tend to play better later in the day anyway. I feel bad for Morning Wood this week. That’s a rough draw. I can’t see them being energized enough to play through two hours of this madness. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 14


D4 (But a court order from the State of Iowa tells me I must acknowledge this is also R2):


Buffalo Solar Solutions vs End Game (Even) – Well, what a difference a week makes. BSS was on fire in their division and were really looking like they were the favorites to win the title. Then they ran into Uncle Rico’s and lost 48-38. Okay, it was a good game and BSS was a little off. But then they ran into GLBS and lost again, 46-25. I don’t know if they were shaken up from the first loss, but if you’re going to contend for this title, you need to win one of those two. End Game is still reeling from losing Emily Schilling, and the fact that it appears they’re not thrilled that the guys on the team don’t get enough publicity on the site. Until someone learns who the hell any male on that team is, they’ll continue to seem like they only stars on the team are the girls. Why? Because they ARE. End Game did win last week, 23-12 against Full Throttle, winning a game they should’ve won. This game is huge for both sides, as both could definitely use the high profile win. Right now, I think End Game is hungier to prove they’re more than just a bunch of talented girls. END GAME BY 8


Indecent Exposure vs Full Throttle (+4) – Full Throttle always feels like they’re on the edge of breaking out in this division, and then before you know it they blow a game they really needed. They had two shots at a signature win, but the 23-12 loss to End Game and the 35-16 loss to Hung Buffalo prove that they have some work to do if they’re to be considered “in the hunt” for the title. Enter Indecent Exposure, a staple of the TSL that had some trouble of their own last week in the form of a 35-12 loss to GLBS. This game is big for both teams, as a loss by either could put them on the outside looking in of the playoff picture. I think both teams have similar defenses, but Indecent Exposure boasts a better offense. Look for Josh and company to pull out a win. INDECENT EXPOSURE BY 7


Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers vs Puckett All-Stars (+14) – Uncle Rico’s is DESPERATE for attention, as though they haven’t already gotten some from me. Well, I definitely have to give them even more attention after last week’s statement win against Buffalo Solar Solutions 48-38. They also went out and did what good teams are supposed to do, and beat Cobblestone 44-24. Uncle Rico’s find themselves at 5-1 in the division, sitting at the top of what is our most competitive division. Granted, they played one more game than Hung Buffalo and End Game, who are right on their heels. Puckett All-Stars don’t feel like the team they used to be (which tells me that chances are they aren’t), and their 1-3 record just feels wrong every time I look at it. They were off last week, so here’s hoping they regrouped and are refocused coming into the season’s second half. Catching a potentially too cocky Uncle Rico’s could do wonders for them. UNCLE RICO’S TIME TRAVELERS BY 14


Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers vs No Punt Intended (+10) – File No Punt Intended in the same “not as good as they once were” folder as some of the other teams in this league. Kyle Coniff hasn’t been able to find the answers for his squad just yet, and right now they just feel lukewarm and “just kind of there” in this league. Uncle Rico’s is seriously staring down 7-1 and if they don’t slip up this week, they know they can win the regular season title. Hopefully we’ll get the NPI of old and have an awesome game. But, they have to prove it before I can believe in them again. UNCLE RICO’S TIME TRAVELERS BY 14


Hung Buffalo vs GLBS (EVEN) – Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, if you’re around the fields at 2:00pm this week, get yourself to Field 2 and watch two of the hottest teams in all of the TSL square off against each other. Hung Buffalo is more than “Just a smart veteran team” as they’re putting up points on everyone. I’m sure it’s because everyone is too scared of Kate to actually cover her. She’s still terrifying. Hung Buffalo slapped around the teams you’d expect a title contender to beat, getting by Full Throttle 35-16 and then Cobblestone 26-14. Hung Buffalo looks to be the most dialed in team in the entire TSL right now. Except for GLBS, that is. GLBS took my words to heart it feels, and showed me, and the league, that OH BOY THEY SURE CAN SCORE. Glenn, Rachel, and Jay (they’re the only ones Ive been told about) are doing work, and they earned every bit of their wins against Buffalo Solar Solutions  (46-25) and Indecent Exposure (35-12). GLBS made a statement that they’re a contender last week, and this game is absolutely a “prove it” game for BOTH teams. HUNG BUFFALO BY 1


GLBS vs No Punt Intended (+8) – I already touched on both of these teams. Its going to come down to if NPI can solve the best defense in the division or not. I can’t believe they will yet. GLBS BY 14


D5 (There are Alien Overlords that DEMAND we refer to this as R3 though too):


Matty’s Angels vs Come From Behind (+14) – A week without the Angels and their record setting scoring pace is just a world I don’t want to live in. However, they’re back, and they take on Come From Behind, who lost to the Five Star Generals 42-31 last week. While the Angels boast some of the league’s most fun girls, they still don’t have Molly and Leslie, so they don’t have the top two. As much as we all love CFB, I just can’t imagine they’ll be able to keep up with the speed of the Angels. MATTY’S ANGELS BY 20


Five Star Generals vs Ugandan Warriors (EVEN) – This matchup should be a good one. Both teams average 30 points per game on offense and while the Generals aren’t as good defensively (according to the ALBA metrics) they have some nice momentum on their side, as evidenced in their 42-31 victory against CFB last weekend. The defense got torched by the Stunts in a 52-30 loss however. So its going to depend on how the defense for Five Star works against Ugandan. The Warriors (who are going to have to change their name because this Ugandan Warriors vs Ultimate Warriors thing is so annoying) beat up on the Over Compensators last week, 33-7. Blasé LaDuca has his squad focused, and they should be considered a threat for the title. I need to see a little bit more from them before I think they can stop Matty’s though. UGANDAN WARRIORS BY 7


Cunning Stunts vs Over Compensators (+15) – The Stunts got back on track last week, notching wins against Five Star (52-30) and HomeTech (26-1). Joey Batts actually looked like a QB, allegedly, and the girls just rolled to some wins as they try to keep pace in the division. The Over Compensators started out with a bit of promise this season, but its been trending mostly downhill for them. A 33-7 loss to Ugandan dropped them to 0-4, and they’re only scoring 18 points a game, which is the worst in the TSL. The defense isn’t bad, but if you can’t score, you can’t keep up with the Stunts. CUNNING STUNTS BY 17


Vandalay Industries vs HomeTech (+11) – I love HomeTech. I always have. I can’t believe Lenny isn’t here, because he may have been the only person to know if HomeTech is the ONLY team to have scored 1 point in a game in TSL history. A 26-1 loss to the Stunts provided that. QB Austin Weber improves weekly, but there’s still a little bit to be done here. Vandalay boasts a roster that would make any Universal Sub List jealous. They’re sitting at 1-3, fresh off a 47-38 loss to Hope N Ruin.  Team Topper Light is full of smart players that know what to do, just sometimes their bodies are unable to actually do it. They’re going to have to win this one if they hope to make any noise this season. HOMETECH BY 3

Ugandan Warriors vs Hope N Ruin (EVEN) – I’m giving the Warriors another game with no line, essentially, because I want them to show me something this week. Hope N Ruin is having an up and down season so far. Currently, they’re on the upswing with a 47-38 win over vandalay. Does that mean they’re due for a downswing this week? I’m going to play the trend here and say yes. Erica needs to get her squad consistent, and fast. UGANDAN WARRIORS BY 2


D6 (However, some indigenous peoples call this R4):


Practice Squad vs TMA (+7) – TMA was off last week, so here’s hoping they’ll be keeping with the positive trend they showed us two weeks ago. (Moonshine helps). Practice Squad, well, they were also off last week. They’re sitting at 3-0, and look to boast a better offense and defense than TMA. But TMA’s numbers are skewed from the first two weeks. Bottom line, this game is a preview for what should be a crazy playoff run in the division. Practice Squad, to me, feels like the more consistent team right now. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 4


The Bambs vs Jabronies (EVEN) – Potential championship preview here! Both of these teams were off last week, as was all of the division actually, and it’ll be interesting to see which of these two teams can keep their momentum going. The Bambs did lose to Practice Squad already, but there’s a good chance they learned from that one. Jabronies haven’t had a tough test yet this season. THE BAMBS BY 5


The Bi-Polar Express vs pAssless Chaps (+7) – I can’t really consider the Chaps a favorite in any game just yet. Reports are they look incredibly disjointed and have some work to do (besides Ricky). Coach Jay is doing his best, but it doesn’t seem like his sage words are being heeded. BPX looks to retool after the bye week and if they’re going to get on the winning track, this is it. THE BI-POLAR EXPRESS BY 8


The Bambs vs The Bi-Polar Express (+8) – The Bambs aren’t quite pAssless Chaps here. Look for Bi-Polar to struggle a bit more here than they would an hour earlier. THE BAMBS BY 10




1.      Will it rain? The forecast hasn’t been looking too kind for everyone in the Buffalo area.

2.      What teams will take control of their divisions? Big weeks are in store for Uncle Rico’s, GLBS, Peachy Platoon, and Bullet Club. Whether it’s a good big week or the bad big week remain to be seen.



5.      Who has the best jerseys in the league? The answer is simple: Cobblestone. They unveiled some amazing Lenny jerseys this week that deserve to be in some art museum.




1.      Can the Ugandan Warriors and the Ultimate Warriors PLEASE play a game where the loser of the contest has to change their name? It’s causing scheduling errors!

2.      Shout out to the refs. While they aren’t perfect, they’re more than willing to admit mistakes and check with other refs/Rameer if they’re incorrect on something.

3.      Lots of good games this week. If you’re going to be at the fields all day, here’s the “Where to be” schedule: 9:00 – Field 2 for Hot TaMolly’s vs Bern Them All, 10:00 – Field 3 for Peachy Platoon vs Frodo Swaggins, 11:00 – Field 2 for Bullet Club vs A&A, 12:00 –  Field 1 for Tight Ends In Motion vs Public Enemy, 1:00 – Field 5 for Jabronies vs The Bambs, 2:00 –Field 2 for Hung Buffalo vs GLBS, 3:00 – Field 2 for Ugandan Warriors vs Hope N Ruin.

4.      Speaking of Breakfast Club: EmC HammerTime 31 - Natural Born Kellers 23, Hot TaMolly’s 24 – Bern Them All 22, Schilling Em Softly 40 – Peanut Better Kelly Time 25.

5.      Don’t think we didn’t notice that 3rd and Schlong barely beat the Ultimate Warriors (40-39) before getting beat up by Frodo Swaggins (48-35). And we know its because 40 year plan guy was missing.

6.      Coach Jay wins! He improves to 1-12 on the season!

7.      Props to teams that are properly using the Universal Sub List. Remember, if you’re short a player, USE IT. There’s some talent there.

8.      I’m most excited to see the result of the Buffalo Solar Solutions vs End Game game. Honestly, if you don’t want to watch Bullet Club and A&A potentially kill each other, you should watch this game at 11:00 on Field 4.

9.      If you have a player that is killing it in this league and nobody is talking about them, EMAIL ME. It’s difficult for me to find new stars when Lenny isn’t here calling me. I’d come to the fields but it’s a long drive from Des Moines people. Help me out.

10.   Speaking of new standout players: Pink Pteratacos has a female (Allegedly named Jamie or Jaime or Jamy) who wears #55 that looks like a future STUD in this league according to multiple reports. Looks like Mark found someone to be a game changer for his squad.


Have fun out there this weekend, and enjoy your holiday. Wear Sunscreen. Only buy alcohol from the bar. Yada yada yada telegram. GODFATHER OUT.

Week 4 Picks, thoughts, Insights and Predictions

Category: The Godfather's Picks
Created: Friday, 17 May 2019 13:25
Published: Friday, 17 May 2019 13:25
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 3015


Welcome once again to the wonderful calamity that is the TSL! A great man once said, “Once you think you know the answers, I start changing the questions.”, and that’s EXACTLY what this Spring 2019 season has been all about! Teams we thought might be great look to be not so great. Teams that we thought were going to be considered for relegation are championship contenders! Left is Right, Up is Down, and its only Week 4! Needless to say, Week 3 brought us a whole bunch of winners and losers. I’ve gotten multiple reports from the fields this week on who’s been doing what. It’s nice to have a clearer picture of what went on for once, so thank you to those that take a few seconds to send me emails about your team and your players. Like one email said “I’d rather you have what happened in our game come from me than from someone else’s mouth.”


This is why we love football so much. Everything can change from week to week. Teams that looked like they were in trouble have a big week and they’re back in the thick of things (TMA went from 0-2 to 2-2 real quick) and teams that once looked like forces in their divisions now have more questions. (After nice starts, 1 Todd Too Many, Slytherin in That Endzone, Hope and Ruin, and Gryffindor all find themselves sliding down the standings. Just kidding. Gryffindor never had a hot start in the first place.) So, what does it all mean? What can we determine from all of the data we’ve received so far?


Absolutely nothing. Because after Week 4, it’s all going to get shaken up once again. If you’re playing well, you can’t be overconfident because a bad week can cause it to start to slip away. If you’re playing poorly, you could be THIS close to putting all together and going on a run. Not a single team in the TSL has anything guaranteed yet. Except of course, for Matty’s Angels, who are guaranteed to be moving up a division or four this offseason. The point is, its Week 4, don’t get comfortable, and most importantly don’t give up hope. Everything changes in an instant.


On to the games…




Public Enemy vs Marketing Mayors (+6) – Word around the campfire is that PE is actually more concerned with this game than they were with Eyes Downtown last week. While PE dispatched of ED 28-14 last week, they did so without a decent chunk of their players. Those 1:00 starts really mess with the team’s availability it seems. They put their “Undertaker at Wrestlemania-like” winning streak on the line against the Mayors, who took 1 Todd Too Many to the woodshed with a 54-18 victory. Cory Turner, Andy Smith and the rest of the team look primed for this Game of the Week matchup in D1. It’ll be a hell of a game, but until the streak is broken, I can’t go against the champs. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 1


1 Todd Too Many vs #XTC@Angry Buffalo (EVEN) – After Team Topper’s big win to start the season, things have gotten progressively worse for them. Their 54-18 loss to the Mayors is going to either be the inspirational turning point where they figured things out, or it’ll be the spiral that sends them out of control. On the plus side, they debuted some very nice new Lenny jerseys themselves (I hear they chose gray instead of copying another team in red). But Team Topper is a smart, resilient bunch and I think they’ll find their way sooner than later. #XTC@AB, however, is still having a rough go of things. They lost to Tight Ends in Motion 39-23 this week, and really need a good showing here against the reeling Team Topper. 0-5 isn’t a place they want to be, nor is it a place that they deserve to be. This game looks like it’ll be another close one for D1. 1 TODD TOO MANY BY 1


Tight Ends In Motion vs 1 Todd Too Many (+7) – One of our first repeat matchups of the season! Team Topper beat TEIM 7-6 in the season opener. Of course, that was in the cold and snow we had in Week 1, and now TEIM is thawed out. Worst of all? They’re looking for a bit of revenge. One of the hardest things to do in football is beat the same team twice, and I don’t think we’ll see it here. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 8


Eyes Downtown vs Tight Ends In Motion (+7) – Eyes Downtown may have lost 28-14 to Public Enemy last week, but they gained a lot of respect in the eyes of TSL fans. ED showed up to “The Game” wearing all black instead of their usual red jerseys to allow PE to wear the “Lenny Red” jerseys for the game without a problem. That’s a very nice gesture, and one that many remarked may not have happened if Bobby McConnell were around. TEIM was without Alex at QB this time around and they finally got to see what they could do with Seth Molinsari at QB instead. The end results was a 39-23 victory where TEIM looked better than they have in a while. Many people on the roster were big fans of Seth. This week, Ricky Austin gets his two game tryout with the team. Alex has to be feeling the pressure at this point. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 6




Bullet Club vs Money Ball (+7) – Bullet Club still had no sign of QB Jeff Easton, but it didn’t seem to matter. Travis was throwing well yet again, and BC walked away with an impressive 32-19 over Title Shot. To be fair, Title Shot was missing Dubey, so that played a factor. BC gets even more reinforcements this week when Paul Nieman finally gets to make his debut. Money Ball didn’t get to play football last week due to Energy Buff calling in sick, so there’s not much new to report. For a team that’s only played two games together so far, an extra week off when you’re trying to gel together isn’t always a good thing.  BULLET CLUB BY 7


Gryffindor vs Money Ball (EVEN) – Gryffindor looks rough. It looks like fatherhood has taken the life out of Joey Batts and his football skills are eroding. This once moderately decent QB is looking like he’s about to have his worst season ever. A 22-0 loss to A&A last week is only starting the talk that eventually a few Gryffindor’s stars may start negotiating with new teams for next season. Money Ball looks to be catching them at the right time here for sure, but will a game the hour before against Bullet Club wear them down too much? At this rate, probably not. MONEY BALL BY 4


Energy Buff vs Gryffindor (EVEN) – A small slate of games for D2 this week. Energy Buff called off last week due to concerns about being able to field a team. This season isn’t going the way they want it to at all yet, but as the theme of this article has been, one good week can change the season right now. The loser of this matchup could very well find themselves at the bottom of the standings when its all over. It should also be noted that a part of Energy Buff is from Joey Batts’ old Cintas squad, and I’m SURE they’d love to silence him. But it won’t be this time. GRYFFINDOR BY 6




All We Do Is Quinn vs Ultimate Warriors (+15) – The 3-0-1 AWDIQ taking on the 0-4 Warriors. This game has blowout written all over it. The Warriors have been battling hard but this week they lost to Peachy Platoon 55-37. While scoring doesn’t seem to be a HUGE problem for them, defense in general seems to be the issue as they’ve allowed 159 points in 4 games. AWDIQ is NOT the answer when you have defense questions. The season’s biggest surprise, and D3’s only team yet to lose come into town after a 27-26 victory over Sticky Bandits, and they’re looking good. They won, mind you, with their third string QB this week since Vince and Joe Schwab were away on various other missions. Not sure they can be stopped yet. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 13


3rd and Schlong vs Ultimate Warriors (+10) – Things don’t get much better today for the Warriors as they’re blessed to play 3AS after dealing with Quinn earlier in the day. 3AS has been playing VERY well after Week 1’s hiccup, and they look like the title contender we thought they were in the first place. A big matchup with SITE last week showed us who the pretender was, and it wasn’t 3AS as they won 40-28. While the Warriors will fight hard for the upset, 3AS isn’t forgetting that playoff loss to them last Spring. 3rd AND SCHLONG BY 10


Slytherin That End Zone vs Morning Wood (+3) – The two teams in the middle of the D3 pack that could really use a big win over the other meet in this game, that should be a doozy. Morning Wood is fresh off a 44-40 victory over the upstart Frodo Swaggins, and they’re looking to continue to climb the standings. Mo Saleh gets a lot of negative press, but perhaps he fixed the problems MW was showing already. SITE has cooled off after their hot start, and their 40-28 loss to 3rd And Schlong helps show that. Newman claimed at the beginning of the season that he was back, well, this is the time to prove it. SLYTHERIN THAT END ZONE BY 6


3rd And Schlong vs Frodo Swaggins (+6) – Frodo lost to Morning Wood 44-40 last week. However, they were without Team Captain Garrett Beesing who, while on the downside of his career, is still a difference maker. Frodo is still finding their way in the TSL, but they show a lot of promise. They’re 0-2-1, but could easily be 2-1 if a few bounces go their way. On top of it, rumor has it that Frodo made a pretty big acquisition at the roster deadline last week, and that could be a game changer.  3rd and Schlong represents one of the divisions measuring sticks, so it’ll be fun to see how these two teams stack up. Will 3rd And Schlong sleep on them? Probably not. 3rd AND SCHLONG BY 3




Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers vs Cobblestone (+8) – Darryl Carr QB Superstar graced us with his presence this week and it was GLORIOUS! Cobblestone played hard, Darryl was slinging it, he found random new girls (this seasons’ entrant into the “Where did Darryl find her?” potential star sweepstakes: Sierra.), and yet Cobblestone found themselves on the receiving end of a 53-20 loss to Indecent Exposure, followed by a 42-30 loss to No Punt Intended. Uncle Rico’s, however, made their claim to the D4 throne official when they upended End Game 31-27 in a big win for Jon Senn’s crew. Uncle Rico’s better make sure that they’re not more concerned with the big game against Buffalo Solar Solutions an hour later. I don’t think they will. UNCLE RICO’S TIME TRAVELERS BY 10


Hung Buffalo vs Full Throttle (+7) – Full Throttle came to play against Buffalo Solar Solutions last week, but wound up on the losing end of a 38-28 score. Their 1-2 record may be misleading as they’re playing teams pretty tough so far this season. Hung Buffalo got back to business this week, smacking around No Punt Intended 51-27. Hung Buffalo has been able to put up points so far this session, and that’s where Full Throttle has suffered. Look for a bit of a defensive battle before the veteran smarts of HB get them to another victory. HUNG BUFFALO BY 7


Indecent Exposure vs GLBS (+3) – Indecent Exposure sits at 2-2 after a 53-20 spanking of Cobblestone. While IE can score (Their 35.5 points per game can confirm this), they also struggle to stop most teams. GLBS is the complete opposite here. They’ve only allowed 58 points in three games this season, BUT they’ve only scored 50, despite the best efforts of WR Jay Elphick, so I’ve been told. GLBS is still a newer team trying to figure it out on offense, but once they do, D4 might want to watch out. I’ll take the team that can score over the team that can’t though. INDECENT EXPOSURE BY 6


Buffalo Solar Solutions vs Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers (+3) – The D4 Game of the Week right here. BSS has been great this season, and that continued with this week’s 38-28 win over a spry Full Throttle squad. We already talked about how Uncle Rico’s is getting dialed in this season, and they’ll be looking to make this a game. First place is on the line here, but when you break it down you’ll see that BSS has played one less game, and scored more points. They’ve also allowed less. Look for a close one here as well. BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS BY 8


Hung Buffalo vs Cobblestone (+7) – There’s not much more to say about these teams that I haven’t already said. Cobblestone is in desperate need of a win this week, so I expect them to go all out for this one. The problem is that Hung Buffalo has more talent, and they’ve been doing this for a long, long time. HUNG BUFFALO BY 10


Buffalo Solar Solutions vs GLBS (+7) – This is going to be a game of “who’s less tired from the game before” as well. While I’m a huge fan of GLBS, they still haven’t clicked on offense. Same rules apply as before, give me the team that can score over the one who can’t. BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS BY 12


End Game vs Full Throttle (+7) – What a week for End Game. First, they lose their first game of the season to Uncle Rico’s 31-27. Then they go against Puckett All-Stars, who haven’t been great at all this season, and almost blow that game too before winning 41-37. The real questions come from what’s going on inside the locker room, as Emily Schilling as left the team to go play with Frodo Swaggins. While End Game should be okay with Steph Czaja and that blonde girl everyone talks about but nobody knows who the hell she is, it’s very disheartening for a team to lose arguably their best girl (regardless of her suspect hands) at the roster deadline for the season. Upset of the Week, as Full Throttle catches End Game at the right time. FULL THROTTLE BY 1




Ugandan Warriors vs Over Compensators (+6) – The Over Compensators continued their streak of ALMOST beating teams, this week losing to Come From Behind 34-27. The team shows improvement every week, but they just haven’t been able to get over the hump. This week, they play a Ugandan Warriors team led by QB Blasé LaDuca. These Warriors were able to ride Blasé’s big Make Up Bet win to their first victory, a 28-26 win over HomeTech. This game should be back and forth, but I like the OC to get their first win of the season. OVER COMPENSATORS BY 6


Cunning Stunts vs Five Star Generals (+3) – Five Star is out to prove they belong in D5, and while they lost to the Pteratacos 38-34, they easily could’ve taken this game. The Stunts are reeling as they’ve lost their first game this year to the Topper-led Vandalay Industries 40-34. With Joey Batts showing signs of aging and losing his talents, one has to worry if the Stunts are considering a change at QB. They’ll stick with Joey for now, but word is he’s on the hot seat. CUNNING STUNTS BY 3


Cunning Stunts vs HomeTech (+10) – HomeTech and QB Austin Weber played their hearts out against the Ugandan Warriors but came up short 28-26. They sit at 0-3 for the season, but they’re showing they can play with some of the lower half of D5. The Stunts might be in disarray after last week, but they’re still going to be fine for this game. CUNNING STUNTS BY 10


Come From Behind vs Five Star Generals (+6) – This is just a matchup of veteran prowess vs a younger team. Five Star may have more athletes, but CFB is the smarter team. Paul, Molly, and Leslie lead CFB to a 34-27 win over the Over Compensators by making the right decisions against a newer team. Look for more of the same here. Bend but don’t break. COME FROM BEHIND BY 6


Vandalay Industries vs Hope N Ruin (EVEN) – When we last saw Hope N Ruin, the grounds crew was scraping them off of the field after this week’s 71-26 massacre at the hands of Matty’s Angels. Vandalay, meanwhile, pulled off the minor upset of the Stunts 40-34. Both teams have very similar offenses, so this one is going to come down to defense. I’m not entirely sure what the hell happened to HNR last week, but I’m willing to bet they’ll be much better this week. HOPE AND RUIN BY 4




The Bambs vs pAssless Chaps (+13) – The Bambs finally tasted defeat this season at the hands of Practice Squad, 32-29 in what is looking like the potential D6 final this season. As for pAssless Chaps, well, things weren’t good again. They were on the tracks when the TMA train came through this week, losing 37-9. Coach Jay is doing everything he can to coach the Chaps into being better overall, but so far it seems like his teachings are falling on deaf ears. One bright spot is that Jay and WR Ricky are looking to be on the same page, so that’s progress. But its not “beat The Bambs” progess. THE BAMBS BY 10





1.      Will People remember that you can get sunburned in 45 degree weather? I was told that there were a LOT of red faces, necks, and arms because nobody used sunscreen this week.

2.      What happens when Ricky Austin leads TEIM to two victories this season? Will we see a three headed QB committee?

3.      IS THE WHEEL RETURNING? Topper brought out and updated the Wheel of Hope last week, as a teaser for this week. Who’s going to win?

4.      Can Marketing Mayors stop Public Enemy’s streak? PE seems to think if anyone can, its MM.

5.      What team did I just jinx? It feels like every time I back a team or am down on a team, they’re just proving me wrong the next week.




1.      Will Coach Jay ever win a game? He’s one of the nicest people on this planet, but all three of his teams are a combined 0-11. I’m rooting for him.

2.      Seriously people, show me you’re grown adults. There should NOT be a landfill’s worth of plastic bottles laying around the fields at the end of the day. USE THE TRASH CANS YOU MONSTERS. Make this place better than how you found it.

3.      Shout out to Bennett Kus! Gordon’s son was at the fields rocking all day, giving out high fives, and slugging some drinks with people. He didn’t even get that pissed when Travis Clev spilled a beer on him. Cool kid.

4.      GIVE ME MORE BREAKFAST CLUB BETS! This has been a treat to hear about the last few weeks. Excited to see what’s in store. Bern Them All 52-Peanut Butter Kelly Time 34, Hot TaMolly’s 24-EmC HammerTime 22, Schilling Em Softly 30 – Natural Born Kellers 20.

5.      Once again, big shout outs to The Rant and The Sentinel. You guys are the first “non-Godfather” articles to make it to Week 4 in forever. Keep doing what you’re doing.


7.      My Game of the Week this week is easily Buffalo Solar Solutions vs Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers. I can’t wait to get reports on this one. Looks like it’ll be a good one.

8.      Thank you to everyone that’s been emailing me about their teams, for real. If you’d like to get your team some more publicity, please email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

9.      I know Rameer yelled at people already, but PLEASE stop bringing your own alcohol to the fields. I don’t know why we have to keep saying this. Word is we’re working on getting our league some deals. No clue if it actually happens yet.

10.   No Matty Ice this week, as he’s jet setting in Italy, but lets point out his heroics in Breakfast Club this week. Down 24-12 with 6 minutes to go, and the other team has the ball, Matty picked off Gordon on first down. He ended up getting a girl TD to make the score 24-20 with 3 minutes to go. What happens on the first down again? Mo Saleh lets the ball bounce off of his hands and it falls right into Matty’s arms. Matty would lead Schilling Em Softly to the game winning TD with no time left. That’s a good effort.


Be safe out there kids. Have fun.

Week 2 Thoughts Picks and Predictions

Category: The Godfather's Picks
Created: Thursday, 02 May 2019 20:46
Published: Thursday, 02 May 2019 20:46
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 3117


The TSL is like any great movie or TV series with many characters and moving parts. Week 1 of the 2019 Spring session was no different, as the weather and the fields picked up right where we left off in the Fall, like a terrible cliffhanger. Regardless of the 60 degree days Buffalo was having, the First Saturday of the TSL brought the league 30 degrees, snow, muddy fields, and for some, misery. While you can never truly win a championship on Week 1, you sure can lose it. Poor performances can create doubt within your team, and it’s how you handle that early adversary that can be the difference between co-ed football immortality or crying to Topper about how much you need to drop a division.


Let’s get onto the games:




Public Enemy vs #XTC@AB (+10): This is PE’s first game of the season and sources around the league expect them to be dialed in more than ever. #XTC@AB might sound like a computer virus, but they’re actually a combination of some of the league’s nicest people. Unfortunately, in D1, nice people finish last more often than not. A 29-12 drubbing by Marketing Mayors left #XTCAB with a bad taste in their mouths, but this isn’t the week that they right the ship. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 14


Public Enemy vs 1 Todd 2 Many (+8): Topper did it! He walked into D1, smacked around Tight Ends in Motion, and won 7-6. At the very least, he showed the league that he can be a force in the highest division. Enter PE, the defending champions. Team Topper will have an advantage with PE having already played a game, but I’m not entirely sure it’s going to matter this time around. Topper hangs around, but PE pulls away late. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 11


Marketing Mayors vs Tight Ends In Motion (+7): MM started off the season with a double header that showed both sides of the coin for them. They lost to a Bobby-less Eyes Downtown, but stormed back to take an easy one from #XTCAB. Which Marketing Mayors will we get this weekend? Sadly, it may not matter if we get the TEIM that could only muster 6 points against Team Topper. TEIM is already showing cracks in the armor, and mistrust in their own QB, which will most likely lead to another team split next season. But hey, we’ll somehow get three new teams from it. MARKETING MAYORS BY 3


Eyes Downtown vs #XTC@Angry Buffalo (+10): #XTC@AB is rewarded by the scheduling gods this week as the second half of their double header is a date with Eyes Downtown. Even without Bobby, ED was able to pick up a 21-7 victory over Marketing Mayors. The word is that the team was much more relaxed and calm with Chadwick in there, and dare I say they were “happy”? The next quarterback controversy for the league is just starting to brew. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 9




Energy Buff vs Bullet Club (+3): We believed in Energy Buff heading into the season, but reports from the field last week suggest that maybe we were wrong. EB looked a little underwhelming in their opening loss to A&A, and are going to look to right the ship against Bullet Club. BC hasn’t played yet this season, but word is they’ll already be undermanned to start the season. If QB Jeff Easton shows up, this should be a game. ENERGY BUFF BY 6


A&A vs Money Ball (+8): Money Ball lost to Title Shot last week 29-15. They’re a new team that are still starting to learn how to play together. A&A has been a machine for most of the last ten seasons, only adding a new piece here and there. Matty Ice looks to be slinging the rock before he slings some drinks at the bar, and if he’s on early, look out Money Ball. A&A by 7


Gryffindor vs Title Shot (Even): Gryffindor had to be pleased by what they saw last week, which was a division that seems ripe for the picking. Joey Batts’ squad did whatever they could to avoid the D1 teams, and this is why: a shot at the D2 title in what they perceive is a weak division. Enter Title Shot, who was impressive in their win against Money Ball last week, and the “old guard” of the TSL look to continue the good vibes this week. TITLE SHOT BY 2


A&A vs Title Shot (+3): The second half of this double header for Title Shot gives them A&A, who will be a little more rested going into this game. It should play a factor.  A&A BY 7




3rd and Schlong vs Morning Wood (EVEN): I could’ve sworn when I got to this game that I’d be letting everyone know that 3AS stomped their way to victory last week, and Morning Wood was licking their wounds. However, due to Katherine Keller and 40 Year Plan Guy still not admitting their love for one another, karma is coming into play. 3AS got beat up by AWDIQ 39-20 in a game that had TSLers from all over wondering which was the team that came from D5. MW, to their credit stood their ground and laid claim to the D3 throne with a 29-23 win against the Ultimate Warriors. Right now, 3AS is looking a little out classed, and MW seems to have a handle on things. MORNING WOOD BY 6


All We Do Is Quinn vs Slytherin That End Zone (EVEN): Here’s what we know: SITE walked onto the field against the Peachy Platoon and demolished them, 42-7. Newman was absolutely electric, and if this is how his season is going to go, SITE is a top contender for the title. AWDIQ walked all over 3AS early, and then came away with a tie against Frodo Swaggins 26-26. Quinn looks like they belong in D3, and while SITE is looking to stomp the teams that moved up, this is going to be a close one. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 1


SITE vs Ultimate Warriors (+7): The Warriors come into town on the heels of a 29-23 loss to Morning Wood. SITE will be coming in from a battle with AWDIQ. People always forget that the Warriors are an intelligent group of football players who know what they’re doing (mostly) and as a result are always underrated. If SITE hadn’t just played a game before this one, they’d be ripe for an upset. However, they should be raring to go. As a result: SLYTHERIN THAT END ZONE BY 10


Sticky Bandits vs Peachy Platoon (+14): We had very high hopes for Peachy this season, but a 42-7 whooping from SITE has us second guessing their jump up to D3. Sticky Bandits are one of the best teams with the greatest collective minds in the league. Hot off a season opening 44-21 victory against Frodo Swaggins, Sticky has the D3 championship in their sights, and Peachy doesn’t look like they’ll be up to the task. STICKY BANDITS BY 13




End Game vs Cobblestone (+6): End Game (the old HK whatevers) came out with a 20-13 victory against GLBS, in a pretty close game. They played later in the day, so chances are the fields were a mess by then, as the reports I received this week about the games said they weren’t “that great all day”. Cobblestone had a bye week last time around, so the TSL waits with bated breath to see what athletic superstars our favorite QB Darryl Carr With The Magical Hair signed this offseason. Either way, the TSL will be having Coronas with Darryl and all will be well! END GAME BY 10


No Punt Intended vs Buffalo Solar Solutions (+7): BSS played Indecent Exposure last week and lost 28-22. NPI played the same team and walked away with a 33-32 win. Granted, BSS softened them up beforehand, but NPI also beat Puckett later in the day 29-14. NPI is starting off like the team that dominated the division not too long ago. NO PUNT INTENDED BY 7


Puckett All-Stars vs Full Throttle (+3): Both teams are looking for a bounce back this week. Puckett All-Stars lost 29-14 to No Punt Intended while Full Throttle lost 33-16 to Uncle Rico’s. Its safe to say that NPI and Rico’s are two of the top contenders in the division, so the real question is which team just had a bad game last week? If history has shown us anything, it’s that Puckett is the better team and should right the ship in Week 2. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 9


Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers vs Hung Buffalo (+6): Uncle Rico’s comes into Week 2 feeling pretty good about themselves after the 33-16 victory against Full Throttle. There aren’t any lingering questions about the team as they essentially beat a team they should’ve beaten if they want to win the title. Hung Buffalo is a perennial contender who had a bye last week, so this is their first game of the year. They might just be catching Uncle Rico’s at the wrong time as they shake some rust off. UNCLE RICO’S TIME TRAVELERS BY 4


Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers vs GLBS (+6): Uncle Rico’s might be a little tired when they have to face GLBS this time around. GLBS is a very solid team that could’ve won last week, but ended up on the wrong side of things. Just as Uncle Rico’s is catching Hung Buffalo at the right time, they’re not catching GLBS at the right time. Slight upset of the day here: GLBS BY 3


Indecent Exposure vs Hung Buffalo (+10): Indecent Exposure is 1-1 right now, with a close one point lost to No Punt Intended. They’ll be competing for the division title this season, assuming every one stays in one piece. Hung Buffalo will come to play, but I don’t think it’ll be enough. INDECENT EXPOSURE BY 6




Cunning Stunts vs Hope and Ruin (+3): Hope and Ruin decimated the Five Star Generals 36-0, but they’re coming to play a Stunts team that already got upset last week by the Ugandan Warriors, and then took it out on Come From Behind 42-28. The girls know better than to take Hope and Ruin lightly, so they’ll be ready for them. CUNNING STUNTS BY 6


Over Compensators vs Pink Pteratacos (+7) The Pteratacos (The old UFO) were off last week, however the Over Compensators (The Old Witter’s) played Matty’s Angels to tight 29-27 loss. We don’t know exactly how the PP’s will look this season, but the OC was very impressive. OVER COMPENSATORS BY 12


Come From Behind vs HomeTech (+10): The 3rd And Schlong leftovers were off last week, so they kick off the season against Paul LoVullo and CFB. CFB had mixed results last week, losing 42-28 to the Stunts, yet knocking off Vandalay and Topper 17-15. They were competitive for the most part, so look for them to welcome HomeTech back the hard way. COME FROM BEHIND BY 9


Vandalay Industries vs Pink Pteratacos (+7): Team Topper Jr lost last week to Come From Behind, though they looked competitive. We still don’t know what PP will look like, so all the more reason to think Topper can keep up his magic. VANDALAY INDUSTRIES BY 3


Matty’s Angels vs Five Star Generals (+20): The highest line of the week. Matty’s won a close one against Over Compensators 29-27, where Five Star Generals lost 36-0 to Hope and Ruin. It just gets worse from there with the Angels coming to town. MATTY’S ANGELS BY 21




The Bambs vs TMA (NO LINE): The Bambs looked good in their return to football, besting the pAssless Chaps 32-29. TMA, however, was not nearly as fortunate. Multiple field reporters said the TMA players “already had that look on their faces of ‘Why are we 2-6?’ that they get when they can’t explain things, and its only Week 1.”. There’s no line on this game because TMA didn’t have Brian Ferger at QB instead of the local cadaver they found in Week 1, so clearly they’re better than they showed in a 33-7 loss to the Jabronies. Either way, someone is going to have to wear white here. THE BAMBS BY 4


pAssless Chaps vs Jabronies (EVEN): The Jabronies walked away with the 33-7 victory against TMA but we didn’t learn much about them from it. pAssless Chaps look much better than in years past with Coach Jay at QB, and even though they lost to The Bambs 32-29, and Practice Squad 24-22, you can see that they’re on their way to an entire season full of close games. PASSLESS CHAPS BY 1


Practice Squad vs The BiPolar Express (+3): Everyone’s favorite female team makes their season debut this week as Gordon and the girls take on Practice Squad, who just got by the Chaps 24-22. Renee Lantz joins the BPE this season, but sadly they won’t have her in the Yellow (and sometimes Red) as she’ll be on the other side. PS wasn’t happy with their play last week, but BPE has a little bit of rust to shake off. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 7




1.      Why is Ricky Austin a FREE AGENT? There’s more than a handful of teams that need an upgrade at QB, and to have Ricky sitting on the sidelines is insane! I think Ricky will get some contract offers by the end of Week 2.

2.      Can Topper continue his D1 winnings ways? A 7-6 win against TEIM is one thing, a win against Public Enemy is something else.

3.      Who’s going to be the next big thing in the TSL? If you have someone on your squad that you think deserves some recognition, email me about them at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.!

4.      Where is the podcast Joe K? I’ve had more than my fair share of emails looking for it.

5.      Where were the garbage cans and the port-a-potties on the fields last week? If it weren’t for the awful weather, that’d be the number one complaint from what sounds like an otherwise awesome Week 1.



1.      D6 is shaping up to be the best division in the league, top to bottom. I truly believe any of the teams there can win it, and it’ll be fun to watch.

2.      Shout out to the new refs, especially Karl, who have seem to step in quite nicely. If you’re reading this and want to help Rameer out with reffing a game or two, ask him ASAP.

3.      The weather was a complete downer, since we started two weeks later to avoid that exact scenario. Luckily, things will get better and soon teams will need to find other excuses of why they lost a game.

4.      Rumor has it, and you didn’t hear it from me because I’m not one to talk, that there’s going to be a Spring Party in early June!

5.      As fun as people said the bar was for Week 1, things are going to get better fast as Paul Nieman is only one more week away from his TSL return. Get the Backstreet Boys queued up now.

6.      Big props to Kelly Liddle. She lost her bra bet in Breakfast Club to Emily Curry and she paid up her end of the bargain that day. More fun bets on the way it seems!

7.      Speaking of Breakfast Club, predictions: EmC Hammertime 34 - Schilling ‘Em Softly 22, Hot TaMolly’s 24 – Peanut Butter Kelly Time 13, Bern Them All 20 – Natural Born Kellers 18.

8.      I got more than a few emails from teams that weren’t happy with last week’s odds. Some showed up Week 1 and had me rethink my previous stance, but others definitely proved me right. You know who you are.

9.      The game that I’ll have my eye on most is The Bambs vs TMA, as I want to see how TMA stacks up to the competition with Ferger in there. He’s one of the most beloved people in the league, but his team loves him being on the field with them even more.

10.   Finally, the Lenny Alba logo that you see on various field signs, hats, and Breakfast Club jerseys is awesome. Let’s keep that around as much as possible.



Good luck out there in Week 2. Remember, join Topper’s Super Kool Telegram App (https://t.me/toppersports) for all of your TSL needs, and email me This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. if you anything to say about anything. Have fun!

Week 3 thoughts, picks, and predictions

Category: The Godfather's Picks
Created: Thursday, 09 May 2019 12:42
Published: Thursday, 09 May 2019 12:42
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 2918




Stop me if I said this before, but:


ITS ON!!!!!!!!!!


One the TSL’s biggest rivalries of all time takes center stage on Field 1 at 1:00pm as Public Enemy takes on Eyes Downtown. So many interesting questions come into play for this one, as it always does. Can Eyes Downtown break Public Enemy’s winning streak? Will we see Bobby McConnell yet? If we don’t, and Chadwick leads ED to a victory, should Bobby be permanently replaced? Can you imagine we’re very close to world where Bobby McConnell and Ricky Austin are both Free Agents? Why did Public Enemy decide to get themselves a bunch of Eyes Downtown jerseys? Who’s going to wear white instead? SO. MANY. QUESTIONS. Not enough answers. But at 2:18pm (I hear the fields are running behind a lot these days) we’ll know who stands tall. As of now, the betting line stands at Eyes Downtown (+3). This game is too close to call, so I’m just going to predict it now: PUBLIC ENEMY TIES EYES DOWNTOWN.


Anyway, Week two of the great adventure that is the TSL Spring 2019 season brought us some highlight reel plays, some teams having more questions than answers, and while it was apparently warmer out, it rained a bit. But, that’s a step up from the snow you guys had to deal with last week. Fun fact: it’ll be 65 degress and sunny here in Des Moines, while it seems like you’ll be playing in 51 with a smidge of wind. Plus side, doesn’t look like rain for you guys…yet. The season’s picture got a little bit clearer last week for some teams. Others need to go back to the drawing board as soon as last Sunday. All of the up and down play makes calling these games harder than ever for me.


Note: There’s no reason for us to have divisions labeled “C1”, “C2” and “R1-R4”. It’s stupid, and I like D1-D6 better, so while I thank you for your emails “showing me how wrong I’m being about division names”, I don’t care. Some of you need to focus on your play and stop worrying about what I have to say about you. Don’t @ me.


Just kidding. Keep ‘em coming at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. .


Onto the games:




Marketing Mayors vs 1 Todd 2 Many (+3) – Never thought I’d see the day where I’d routinely see a Topper-led franchise be in our highest division AND not have double digit point spreads given to them. But here we are. Team Topper gave Public Enemy a run for their money, but ran out of steam near the end, dropping a 41-35 decision. Marketing Mayors had an incredibly fun 35-31 victory over Tight Ends that came down to the wire. Cory Turner’s squad should use that big momentum to get them over the feisty Topper bunch, but it’ll be close. MARKETING MAYORS BY 3


Tight Ends In Motion vs #XTC@Angry Buffalo (+7) - #XTC needs a win here to start to salvage their season. After a 33-14 drubbing by Public Enemy, this group of fan favorites find themselves 0-3 just 2 weeks in. Tight Ends is 0-2 themselves after another close loss to the Mayors 35-31. The team won’t say it, but they’ve been questioning how they’d do with a different QB for a while now, and Alex’s unfortunate injury may give them chance to see. Will this be a Drew Bledsow-Tom Brady scenario that takes TEIM to new heights? Either way, we’d like Coach Jay to get a big win over Emily Curry. He’s just nicer. BUT TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 6




Title Shot vs Bullet Club (+8) – Title Shot is legit. Dubey is slinging the rock like its 1997, but more importantly, Devon is back making men turn into little boys, as is her specialty. TS brought A&A to school 44-29, not too long after a comeback victory 22-19 against Gryffindor. This puts Title Shot at 3-0 and on top of the division. Bullet Club might have some fun new jerseys, but it’s the same old issues already affecting them. Attendance is always a problem for this team, yet they still won relatively easily against Energy Buff 32-26 in a game that wasn’t as close as the score suggests. If Bullet Club has their entire team on hand, this could be the game of the day. If not? You can skip it. TITLE SHOT BY 6


Money Ball vs Energy Buff (+6) – Two new teams trying to find their way. Energy Buff has proven that their preseason odds to win the division were extremely off as they played a Bullet Club team WITHOUT most of its best players and lost 32-26. This team isn’t the second coming of Bad Apples, they’re more Cintas with a few upgrades in their women. Not a good sign. Money Ball is being accused of having too many alpha dogs it seems, but they have a lot of players who know how to play the game so we still think they can figure it out. A 30-22 loss to A&A is a step in the right direction. This game is going to come down to which team can gel sooner, as both teams need to get their first win of the season, and avoid going 0-3.   MONEY BALL BY 12


Gryffindor vs A&A (EVEN) – The TSL is already considering giving out free earplugs to everyone at the fields during this game. A matchup between Matty Ice, Joey Batts, and Jeremy Burr will prove to be a loud one. Gryffindor lost 22-19 to Title Shot last week, but as usual, that was Anthony’s fault and NOT Joey’s. A&A went 1-1 last week with a 30-22 win against Money Ball, followed by a 44-29 loss to Title Shot. Matty apparently had to scramble for a roster when he had some late cancellations so we can’t read too much into those games. These two teams are looking for a big win since there’s a good chance that this game could mean the difference between a first round bye in the playoff or not. This game is another ITS ON!!! Game if you ask me. Budding rivalry? Maybe. It’ll be close for sure. A&A BY 1




Slytherin That End Zone vs 3rd And Schlong (EVEN) – Look out for a potential Game of the Day right here! 3AS remembered who they were this week and handed Morning Wood a 26-0 beatdown. SITE, after some positive reviews from Week 1 took a bit of a hit from AWDIQ in a 42-28 loss, but rebounded to defeat the Ultimate Warriors 39-12 to salvage Week 2. This game is an early D3 season matchup between two of the legit contenders for the title. This game should absolutely come down to the wire, and if you’re at the fields between 10 and 11, watch this and let me know the details. 3RD AND SCHLONG BY 2


Peachy Platoon vs Ultimate Warriors (+10) – Oh THERE’S the Peachy Platoon I was talking about in the preseason! I got a lot of emails about this “Dean” fellow making a crazy catch. Thanks for making me look like a dummy Week 1 guys. Peachy looked every bit the part of a D3 contender last week, defeating the Sticky Bandits 42-28. The Ultimate Warriors went 0-2 last week, losing 39-12 to SITE and then 35-26 to Sticky Bandits. The Warriors aren’t having the best of starts this spring, but the last time we were down on them this early in the season, they won the D4 title as the Shredders from like the 7th or 8th seed in the playoffs when Sam Lattuca made Katherine Keller her bit…well, you get the idea. You can’t ever count them out. But, for now, I’m going with PP. PEACHY PLATOON BY 13


All We Do Is Quinn vs Sticky Bandits (+12) – Here we are in Week 3, and already LOTS of bets are coming in for that AWDIQ D3 championship. Quinn is arguably the most impressive team of the season so far, as they sit at the top of the D3 standings with a 2-0-1 record that includes wins over two big title contenders, SITE and 3rd and Schlong. Quinn can argue they’ve had the toughest schedule so far as well, and Sticky in Week 3 only helps that argument. Jeff Krol’s Sticky Bandits are one of the smartest teams in the TSL, but last week they lost 42-28 to Peachy before coming back with a 36-25 win over the Ultimate Warriors. Things aren’t looking as bright as they’d like them to, and with Alex on the shelf with his groin injury, things could get worse in a hurry for the Bandits if they don’t find a QB soon. If Alex was playing, the line would be about +6. He’s VERY important to the Sticky game plan, and while losing your QB hurts just about ANY team, it just feels like its even worse here. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 15 (AWDIQ BY 3 IF ALEX PLAYS)


Frodo Swaggins vs Morning Wood (+3) – Morning Wood gave Dave Wilbern a present for his birthday last Saturday that he already has enough of: blowout losses. A 26-0 dismantling of MW by 3rd And Schlong did have Dave’s birthday start off on the right foot, but rumor has it that he more than made up for it at the bar afterwards. Frodo Swaggins was off last week, but Garrett Beesing’s squad is looking to get their first win of the season. They’re sitting at 0-1-1 right now, and while they had a 44-21 loss to Sticky Bandits, they’re also the only team to really give AWDIQ a game so far, tying them 26-26. So which Frodo will show up this week? Which Morning Wood will show up this week? This is a game where the loser is going to start hearing the whispers of “maybe they should’ve been in D4”. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 4




Buffalo Solar Solutions vs Full Throttle (+8) – How about BSS? It appears the scores emailed to me last week that had them losing to Indecent Exposure 28-22 was incorrect and they won, according to toppersports.com. And then, they came out last week and just beat up on No Punt Intended 49-15. BSS is sitting at 2-0 on the season, and looking GOOD. Full Throttle didn’t take too kindly to some of the things being said about them, and took it out on Puckett All-Stars with a 36-28 victory. Lou and friends on FT are looking forward to this big Week 3 game, as its quite the measuring stick for who’s going to do what in this division. I liked seeing Full Throttle come out strong in Week 2, but I think BSS is gearing up for an eventual crash course with End Game for the D4 title. BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS BY 9


No Punt Intended vs Hung Buffalo (EVEN) -  Hung Buffalo has been a good, solid, consistent team for most of the last 100 years (or however long they’ve been playing together) and last week’s 1-1 effort (a 34-30 loss to Uncle Rico’s and a 46-34 win against Indecent Exposure) show that they’re a team to be reckoned with this season. NPI’s nice start was pretty much extinguished in the 49-15 loss to Buffalo Solar Solutions, and they find themselves staring a 1-4 record in the face by Week 3’s end if they don’t get themselves on the right page. They’re the epitome of a team with more questions than answers in the TSL and its on Kyle Conniff to get this team moving, or they’re looking at a long season. HUNG BUFFALO BY 6


Indecent Exposure vs Cobblestone (+10) – Cobblestone was smacked around by End Game last week 49-12. Granted, Darryl Carr QB Superstar was away on a business trip of some sort, but I’m not sure even HE would’ve mattered for that one. IE comes into the game with a 1-2 record in the division, after a loss to Hung Buffalo 46-34 last week. They’re right “in the mix” and should easily be a playoff team, but a game against Cobblestone is one they can’t afford to lose in what looks to be a tight divisional race all season. INDECENT EXPOSURE BY 14


No Punt Intended vs Cobblestone (+7) – Same as above for IE, No Punt Intended can’t afford a loss against Cobblestone here, as an 0-2 day gives NPI a very good chance to miss the playoffs completely. Cobblestone hasn’t shown the TSL much the last few seasons, so if they’re going to make their move, this week is as good as any. But, until they show us anything, I’ll take NPI giving the points. NO PUNT INTENDED BY 9


End Game vs Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers (+4) – Here we go. A big time matchup between two of the division’s better teams. Jon Senn’s Time Travelers played a bit true to form from what I said last week, as they beat Hung Buffalo 34-30, but a rested GLBS team caught them in the next game and beat them 24-0. This will be a true early test to really see if they have a shot at the D4 title or not. End Game is currently the class of the league. They boast an embarrassment of riches in the female department with Emily “I’m playing two divisions too low” Schilling and Stephanie “I get better every week” Czaja. Now, I had THREE people email me about ANOTHER girl who “looks pretty good too”, but I don’t know her name or what she’s about. If anyone can tell me, email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and let me know. Hell, if this girl is reading this, SHE can email me. Anyway, End Game waltzed over Cobblestone 49-12, and they look to be in the driver’s seat for D4, with BSS charging hard. This game will be a good one, but the girl advantage wins out. END GAME BY 3


GLBS vs Puckett All-Stars (+10) – What happened to you Puckett? Was my faith in you misplaced? A 36-28 loss to Full Throttle has a preseason favorite 0-2 and at the bottom of the division. GLBS, however, is getting noticed around the fields. A 24-0 stomping of Uncle Rico’s after a close loss to End Game will do that. This truly looks like a classic matchup of two teams traveling in opposite directions right now. GLBS BY 7


End Game vs Puckett All-Stars (+14) – What a hell of a doubleheader for Puckett this week. First they get the surging GLBS, and right after they’re getting End Game. Both teams will have good battles before they meet each other, but if both teams come out healthy, End Game should be able to take this one. We can’t account for exhaustion or injuries here, so END GAME BY 10




Matty’s Angels vs Hope and Ruin (+7) – Matty’s Angels are sitting pretty atop the division at 3-0 after a close 54-46 win against Five Star Generals and a not so close win against HomeTech 56-25. There’s not much more to say about the Angels that we haven’t said before. If Matty Ice is firing on all cylinders, there’s simply too much talent from this collection of most of WNY’s best female football players to stop them. But then again, Hope and Ruin has stopped them before. Hope and Ruin comes in at 1-1 on the season after last week’s 43-26 setback against the Cunning Stunts. Whether or not they learned anything from that game against a squad of amazing women for this week’s game against a squad of amazing women remains to be seen. MATTY’S ANGELS BY 8


Come From Behind vs Over Compensators (+6) – The OC was a great TV show. The OC is a not too bad football team. Yes, they’re 0-2, but they played the Angels tough in week one, and last week they had a 23-12 loss to the Pink Pteratacos. The OC needs to work on their consistency and they’ll be fine. Come From Behind has been working on their consistency together since 1995. That came in handy for their 29-27 win against HomeTech last week. Look for that consistency to reign supreme once again. If this matchup were a little later in the season, I’d consider going the other way, but COME FROM BEHIND BY 3


Ugandan Warriors vs HomeTech (+6) – HomeTech had an 0-2 week last week, dropping a very close 29-27 contest against Come From Behind before being taken behind the wood shed by the Angels, losing 56-25. The Ugandan Warriors (not to be confused with the Ultimate Warriors, by the way) were off last week after their 33-31 loss in Week 1 to the Cunning Stunts, which was ANOTHER game falsely reported to me (They had a 31-23 UW win, for the record). Anyway, props to Blasé LaDuca, who even on his team’s off day hung out at the bar all day and made friends with everyone. Reports came flying in that he even had a HUGE plate of pasta at the outside bar. It’s good to hear Blasé assimilating (you guys can google the definition) himself to the TSL Universe more and more. UGANDAN WARRIORS BY 10


Pink Pteratacos vs Five Star Generals (+3) – Okay, after having sent more scouts out to see who the hell the Generals were, it turns out its mostly (if not all) of our old friends the Cellino Sewer Rats. Somehow, it seems they got back in with our DJ friends and got the sponsorship back! Good for them! After the dismal showing in Week 1, The Generals came out swinging at Matty’s Angels, and almost pulled the upset before losing 54-46. The Pteratacos played their first two games of the season last week, and went 2-0, beating the Over Compensators 23-12 and then beating up a bit on Vandalay Industries 40-22. This should be a great game between two teams vying for the “best non-gender team in D5” title. I know that 5 Star sits last in their division, but they’re one good win away from 4th. FIVE STAR GENERALS BY 1


Matty’s Angels vs Pink Pteratacos (+7) – I’m not yet sure the Pteratacos will be able to slow down the Angels for two full halves yet. Playing a “should be” tough game against 5 Star just before this might prove to be too much. MATTY’S ANGELS BY 15


Cunning Stunts vs Vandalay Industries (+12) – Team Topper Lite has some great females in Melissa and Karissa, but until they get a bit more seasoning they wouldn’t even crack the Stunts’ lineup. And that’s not a knock on the “issa’s” as much as it is a compliment to the strong roster the Stunts trot out. The Stunts are on a mission to get to Matty’s Angels, and I think poor vandalay may just be in the wrong place at the wrong time. CUNNING STUNTS BY 13




The Bambs vs Practice Squad (+8) – What a big Week 3 matchup for D6! Both teams are 2-0, but one of them is just playing a bit better than the other. The Bambs have seamlessly returned to the TSL and a Week 2 36-12 victory over TMA has us feeling like they’re becoming the divisional favorites. Practice Squad, a week after squeaking out a 24-22 victory comes back to beat The Bi-Polar Express 32-25. PS doesn’t think they’ve been playing their best football yet this season, and The Bambs will represent the true test on if “this year is the year” for them. THE BAMBS BY 6


pAssless Chaps vs TMA (With Rameer Green on Drums) (+7) – These two teams don’t really like each other, as some not surprising bad blood stemming from Prim’s actions (stop me if you’ve heard this before) got the Chaps in a tizzy last year. Things got even more bitter this offseason when Valerie Testa decided to spurn the Chaps to go play with TMA, knowing she’s crossing enemy lines. However, the Chaps have an inspirational leader in Coach Jay who will convince them to turn the other cheek like a modern day Jesus Christ. The Chaps didn’t fare too well in a 47-26 loss to the Jabronies last week, but they still did better than TMA did in a 36-12 loss to The Bambs. TMA has been a mess all season and it’s only been two weeks. Allegedly, they’ll have the entire 52 man roster there this week so there shouldn’t be any “we’re missing our QB” or “we’re missing two of our best girls” excuses this time around. If the time is now for TMA, they need to focus on the two things they do best: Drink Moonshine and throw the ball to Ron Webber. The entire league is a better place when this team is happy and winning. I think this is the week they find their mojo. TMA (WITH RAMEER GREEN ON DRUMS) BY 8


The Bi-Polar Express vs TMA (EVEN) – This game should be a fun one, as two of the league’s most fun teams square off in a battle that everyone should go down and watch. We already touched on the early season struggles of TMA, so lets talk about BPX. The Express finally got their season kicked off last week, but they came up short against the Practice Squad 32-25. Gordon stayed in his yellow shirt all day, but there was a “questionable” safety call by Billy Gunn that almost let the fans see the red. BPX played well in their first game together since last season, even if they were missing a few key girls. If they can keep the good plays going, there’s a chance that they’ll be able to score a mild upset, especially if TMA falls apart in the game before. THE BI-POLAR EXPRESS BY 4


Jabronies vs The Bi-Polar Express (+8) – The Jabronies continued their nice start to the season with a 47-26 victory over the pAssless Chaps that gives them a 2-0 start and a division lead. They boast some nice talent, and they’ll be looking to capitalize on a late game against Gordon’s girls that will be full of people playing their 3rd game of the day. JABRONIES BY 9





1.      Seriously, if Chadwick goes out and beats Public Enemy, Eyes Downtown has to stick with him, right? Could Bobby be out of a job?

2.      If Dave Wilbern is the Captain of the “Guys who consistently ask themselves if they should play for a different team because it feels like they’re wasting their talents on their current one” All-Stars, is Ron Webber the Co-Captain?

3.      Can we PLEASE get to June 8th with both the Cunning Stunts and Matty’s Angels being undefeated before their big matchup? Imagine an entire team vs team bra bet! Might have to build a bigger Brall of Shame.

4.      Where’s the music been? I’ve heard several complaints that there hasn’t been enough beats bumping at the fields.

5.      Would you play another night of TSL football? Rumors are starting to surface that there *might* be some night football in the future. But you didn’t hear that from me.




1.      One thing I’ve been told a few times: more and more TSLers are NOT drinking and driving home this season. While this was a slight issue in the past, not only are more people sobering up or Ubering home, others in the league are making people who shouldn’t be driving stay at the bar. And to their credit, people aren’t arguing it and they stay! Way to be safe TSL!

2.      While the “Big One” is ON for this week, there’s quite a few games that are going to be pretty awesome to watch. Most notably Pink Pteratacos vs Five Star Generals, Gryffindor vs A&A, and End Game vs Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers.

3.      June 1st is the TSL Spring Party! Clear your calendars and make sure you’re at the fields for this one!

4.      The Breakfast Club continues to do it right with the inclusion of bets for each game. Kelly Liddle is 0-2 in her bra bets and I’ve been told she’ll keep doing it until she wins one. Emily Curry having to write Emily Schilling a poem was awesome. And something happened in the other game that included Travis’ underwear that we can ignore, but alcohol was also involved. I can’t wait to see what happens this week. Bern Them All 34 - EmC HammerTime 32 , Schilling ‘Em Softly 46 – Hot TaMolly’s 32 , Natural Born Kellers 25 – Peanut Butter Kelly Time 17.

5.      I know I’ve taken a lot of shots at Alex of TEIM/Sticky over the years, but its been in good fun. Groin injuries are no joke, and I truly hope he’s going to be okay. He’s a great guy from what people tell me.

6.      My early season nominees for biggest surprise and biggest disappointment so far: Surprise: All We Do Is Quinn, Disappointment: Energy Buff.

7.      Someone tell Topper to get the wheel out and spin the thing. This league is always more fun when people can win bar tabs. Or when they have to direct traffic.

8.      I’ve been often imitated but never duplicated during my years writing this column for everyone. Even still, props to “The Build” Rameer Green and “The Sentinel” (whoever they are) for putting out some high quality stuff to read at the beginning of our week.

9.      Thanks to everyone that’s been emailing me about their teams and giving me some info on them. It’s hard not being at the fields and trying to get a feel for what’s going on without an hour phone call from Lenny every week. If you want your team or a player on them to get more pub, you really just have to email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. . That’s all. 

10.   I’ve been seeing some cool pictures of some of the new jerseys in the league. I joked earlier, but Public Enemy’s new threads to mimic Lenny’s red visor/shirt combo was a nice touch. Multiple teams have added some form of “LTA” as well. The Pink Pteratacos look cool. So do the new American Bullet Club jerseys. If you have some cool jerseys that you think should get the shout out, send me a picture.


Go out there this weekend and have fun. Remember, its just a game.

The Rumors of My Demise Have Been Greatly Exaggerated

Category: The Godfather's Picks
Created: Thursday, 25 April 2019 13:04
Published: Thursday, 25 April 2019 13:04
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 2810


Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, the snow has melted, spring has sprung, and on April 27th, in the Year of Our Lord 2019, 46 football teams (52 if you include Breakfast Club) will begin the race for social co-ed football immortality.


Everyone has been waiting with bated breath to gather together at the Rose Garden with all of their league mates to enjoy football, friends, and maybe a drink or two.


Now, this season brings us many questions: Can Uncle Topper put it all together and win D1? Will 40 year plan guy and Katie Keller finally realize they need to stop fighting the truth and fall in love? How will fatherhood affect Joey Batts? Why are so many D2 teams scared of the D1 teams? Will Peachy Platoon take D3 after jumping up from D6 last season? What the heck is “Competitive” and “Recreational” doing on our standings page?


None of those questions are nearly as the important as the elephant in the room: How will the TSL fare now that we’ve lost our Commissioner, Lenny Alba? Will we band together and keep the shenanigans to a minimum? Or will some of us feel that the watchful eye is no longer around and try to pull a fast one on the league?


Year after year, I was blessed to have a weekly phone conversation with Lenny as he gave me all of the comings and goings of the league that week. As you know, I’m quite busy while living in my log cabin deep in Des Moines, Iowa. Lenny would fill me in on some key story lines before he’d fax me over the coming week’s point spreads. This time around is going to be so different. Thank you to Topper for agreeing to keep me informed, and while he won’t fax me the lines, he’ll still email them to me, which is so much more efficient anyway.


We all miss you Lenny. Forever our Commissioner.


Excitement is in the air now as we near the begin the 8 week march to the playoffs, and we have a lot more questions than answers.


Looking over the divisions, its going to be tough to distinguish which teams are going to be taking home the championships. Quite a few teams have merged, and quite a few have dispersed talent throughout the league.


Obviously, the rule book is not perfect. While there have been some slight changes, mostly everything is staying the same for this upcoming season. While there will still be those who try to find loopholes to exploit, Topper, Rameer, and most of the league will be watching to prevent that.


Very often, it’s the opposition who just got the short end of this scenario that ends up red faced and screaming at the bar to clue the league into those loopholes anyway, as though that’s magically going to get the call overturned in a game that ended 35 minutes prior on a field nobody they’re yelling to were even at.


Everyone needs to just take a deep breath, chill out, and just remember that this is only co-ed football.


You’ve read my ramblings long enough, so let’s get into what everyone is here for anyway: the predictions. While this season is shaping up to be an interesting season, it feels more like one of the “lets see where teams should be playing at next year” years.


Our abilities to really judge games and point spreads isn’t the greatest with all of the movement, so instead we’re going to turn to the old favorite: preseason odds for winning the championship.


Understand that all of this is subjective and none of it really matters until the games are played on the field, but if you’ve got a great reason why your team should be reconsidered, feel free to email, as always, at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..



D1 (Or, Competitive 1)






1 TODD 2 MANY 20-1

#XTC 25-1


As though Public Enemy needed any more reason to be considered the top seed, they got a lot more motivation this offseason. Eyes Downtown returns to be their foil, as Bobby looks to return from surgery to capture the title. Adding Taylor Pagano doesn’t hurt. Marketing Mayors fall right into their spot behind the other two, but don’t be surprised if they find themselves on top of the mountain once again. Tight Ends In Motion added Katie Salisbury, but does that help them get over their two biggest obstacles: Staying Healthy and Alex at QB? Topper decided his personal window was closing, added a few studs, and moved his team straight up to D1. This should be exciting to watch. XTC gains some of the left overs of Angry Buffalo and they look to compete more than they have in a while this year.


D2 (Or, Competitive 2)






Energy Buff is Ben Stack’s newest addition to the TSL. The former Bad Apples look to be the early favorites in D2. Gryffindor boasts two “should be D1 stars” in Scott Miranto and Jeremy Burr, will this be their season? A&A has added the talents of Franco, but will Matty’s not so secretly falling apart shoulder lead them to glory? Bullet Club has gotten the band back together, welcoming Travis Cleavenger back into the fold. Money Ball is Tim Dove’s return to D2 as he’s put together a team mostly made up of the old Racks N Sacks. Finally, Title Shot boasts an impressive roster of 2011 All-Stars that are going to look to beat up on the competition.


D3 (Or, Recreational 1)








The time is right for Sticky Bandits as not only did all of their usual competition moved up a Division or two, but they’re getting back the soul of the team in Dave Baker. 3rd and Schlong look to continue their impressive run in the TSL, and another Division title may be in their grasp. I may look foolish putting Peachy Platoon this high, but we learned one thing last session: They can play. How they fare against some of the better defenses in the TSL will be interesting to watch all season. Morning Wood is entering “will they ever?” territory, and a blanket poll of TSLers feel that you’re more likely to see Dave Wilburn storm off the field again than you will see Morning Wood win the title. As for the rest, All We Do Is Quinn is jumping up to D3, and while they boast some great athleticism, will they be able to compare to the better competition? Frodo Swaggins is Garrett Beesing’s entry into the TSL this season, and rumor is that he’s got a QB that was a D-III college star. He’s turning into Darryl before our very eyes. The Ultimate Warriors are always a tough out, as are Slytherin That End Zone. Lots of competition here in D3, er, Rec 1.


D4 (or, Recreational 2)









D4 feels like we’re going to see one heck of a season as well. Puckett has been a consistently good team, and with some of the teams that have left the division out of their way, it seems like they have an open path to the title. Indecent Exposure should have another great season with Josh at the helm. NPI is always lurking in this division, but their ability to choke in the playoffs can’t go unmentioned. End Game is the newest version of HK (insert number here), and they boast a killer female 1-2 punch with Emily Schilling and Stephanie Czaja. GLBS has some TSL fan favorites like Glenn and Chelsie Bird, and word is they also have the very talented Rachel Parker as well. Buffalo Solar Solutions looks to ramp it up a bit more this season, and rumor has it that they’ve got a VERY good QB coming aboard. Hung Buffalo is always a team that you can NOT sleep on. They’re very intelligent, and if you sleep on them, they’ll beat you. Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers have been practicing all offseason in order to create more team chemistry. It’ll be fun to watch that play out. Full Throttle has been stuck in neutral for most of their TSL career, but perhaps this is the time Lou can get his squad on the same page and pull some upsets? Finally Cobblestone may not be what they once were, but if Darryl can actually get all of these superstars he talks about to the fields, maybe they’re ready to claim a few victories along the way.


D5 (Or, Recreational 3)








This looks to be the closest division yet. Matty’s Angels show up as the preseason favorites yet again, but you just cannot forget about Hope and Ruin, who always have something to say come playoff time. The Stunts are always looking to shatter the idea that they’re the second best gender team in the league. Vandalay returns with Uncle Topper looking ready to sling it as he goes for D1 and D5 gold. The rest of the field is very imposing in their own right. Come From Behind’s wily veteran presence keeps them in most games. The Ugandan Warriors are essentially ACE, but with an actual quarterback under 60 years old. The Pink Pteratacos are the old UFO, as Mark looks to rid his newest team of the negativity that surrounded his old one. HomeTech is always a decent team. After that, I have no idea who the Five Star Generals or the Over Compensators are. Might they be this season’s Peachy Platoon? Could be!


D6 (Or, Recreational 4)




I think every single team in this division has a chance at glory. The Bambs have been around forever and are looking to take home a title as they return to the TSL. The McKen…TMA is Brian Ferger’s squad that is looking at additions by subtractions this season, hoping the removal of some negativity can lead them to that elusive title. pAssless Chaps have always found themselves competing, but they sorely needed a QB. Enter Coach Jay, who will be entering the quarterbacking ranks this season. The Jabronies have been working hard in the offseason, practicing up a storm. Will it finally click for them on the field like it has off of it? The Bi-Polar Express really came on at the end of last season as Gordon and his girls really started to “figure it out” as a team. Here’s hoping their nice end to last season will carry over to this one. Finally, Practice Squad has been close many times here, but while this division is wide open, perhaps its finally their time?




1.      Will B’s Brother return to the fields after finally having his suspension lifted? His Facebook says he’s going to try.

2.      Will fatherhood ruin Joey Batts’ career now that he’s the third biggest human in his own household?

3.      Can Uncle Topper win D1?

4.      Where’s the podcast? Joe K let it be known that he was going to continue it, yet I’ve heard and seen nothing yet.

5.      Will we spin the Topper Wheel of Hope?




1.      This is always pretty standard, but please remember that this league, while wonderful, is for fun. Don’t take it as more than that.

2.      The Rose Garden is looking to be overflowing with our Week 1 excitement. Conduct yourselves accordingly and don’t anger the #DINNERCROWD.

3.      Breakfast Club is shaping up to be one of the best ever. All of the teams drafted pretty nicely, and while each team has holes somewhere, none of them stand out as too good or not as good as anyone else.

4.      If you haven’t signed up for Topper’s Super Kool Telegram App, do it now. It’s the quickest way to get information on your games. Like us on Facebook too.

5.      Preseason championship predictions: Public Enemy, Gryffindor, Sticky Bandits, Buffalo Solar Solutions, Cunning Stunts, The Bambs.

6.      Paul Nieman is returning to the TSL this season, this is not a drill.

7.      It’s terrible to hear that certain D2 teams cried about the idea of having to mix with the D1 teams that they threatened to not play at all. I won’t say who they are, but you’re better than that.

8.      Great move by Uncle Topper to hold off the season for two extra weeks. We’d normally be playing by now, but instead we’ve had more time to have the weather improve. Considering how the last two Saturdays went weather wise, this looks like a win, even if its ends up being 40 degrees this week.

9.      If you found the secret message in this article, good for you.

10.   I know it’s going to be weird without Lenny patrolling the sidelines or sitting at his corner in the bar. The TSL is headed towards uncharted territory. I do know one thing though, Lenny would be so mad that we’ve spent any time on him this offseason. As he’d put it: “The Show Must Go On.”


And so it will. Have fun Saturday!

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