The Final Thoughts

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 02 July 2021 14:36

Published: Friday, 02 July 2021 14:36

Written by Patrick McGovern

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Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe: It’s over.

 

Championship Saturday has come and gone. The TSL now has seven new Champions, and for them Social Co-Ed Football Immortality has been reached. For those 70-ish players, June 26^th in the Year of Our Lord 2021 will always be a time of triumph and jubilation that they can always hold on to. For others, they’ll be left wondering what went wrong as they take the next few months to heal, regroup, and prepare to do it again in the Fall.

 

Part of what makes the TSL so unique is that we’ll NEVER have two seasons that are exactly alike. Every season brings brand new teams, players switching teams, other teams taking a season off, etc. These championships are special and regardless of how much you think winning them can be a sure thing, history has proven time and time again that nothing is ever guaranteed in the TSL.

 

Look at the seeds of this year’s champions: 1^st, 2^nd, 7^th, 6^th, 2^nd, 1^st.

 

Only two of the “top” seeds are the champions. Three if you count Breakfast Club, which anybody on the Great White Clarkes certainly does. One of those seeds more than likely should have lost to a 4 seed, but we’ll get into that. Anything can happen on Championship Saturday. And why is that? Well, for starters, most teams tend to absolutely get everyone they have on their roster to show up. We definitely saw the effects of that for some divisions. Another reason is that teams with something to really prove are just better at “showing up” for big games like this than others are. Many times in the past we’ve seen top seeds just walk up to the fields expecting to waltz to a title and before they know it, they get punched in the mouth and don’t know quite how to adjust. For others, it’s simply a matter of having their worst game of the season at the wrong time.

 

So what happened in each division? How did our Champions achieve their immortality?

 

D1:

 

Scores:

Tight Ends In Motion 29, Sticky Bandits 28

Public Enemy 34, Eyes Downtown 33

 

Championship: Tight Ends In Motion 41, Public Enemy 31

 

Yeah, you’re reading that right. For a division that gets told its not that exciting, MAN did it ever deliver last Saturday! BOTH Semi-Finals were 1 point, thrilling games. And the championship absolutely came down to the end as well. Sticky Bandits came right out of the gate and punched Tight Ends in the mouth. They played nearly perfect and took a 12 point lead into halftime. But then, they sputtered a little bit. It was a mixture of the TEIM defense and perhaps the moment being too big for them, but TEIM chipped away, eventually taking the lead late. With a minute to go, Sticky had 4-1 from about the ten yard line. Some excellent TEIM rushing led to QB Mike Thomas having to throw the ball at a girl’s feet for a gender play. However, the refs declared it wasn’t a gender play, and it was 5 and 1. Thomas takes the ball, scrambles and COMPLETES THE GAME WINNING TD PASS TO DEAN THOMPSON! STICKY WINS! STICKY. . . got sacked. No TD. It was *that* close. The “non-gender” play call that, from what ive been emailed should’ve been a gender play, robbed Sticky of a 6-0 play and TEIM moved on. In the other game, Eyes Downtown had the ball with under a minute to go, down 7 points. And they scored on the last play of the game. Instead of going for 1 point to tie, Eyes Downtown had the GUTS to go for 2 points and the win against their rivals. Absolutely giving Bobby McConnell all of the credit in the world for that call. He had a chance and he went for it. On the conversion, the ball got tipped and intercepted for another thrilling finish. In the championship game, we almost saw a repeat of last season. Tight Ends was up early and up big on Public Enemy, but Chris Cole and the PE defense started to get it together and slowly chip away at the lead. A TD pass from Cheryl cut the lead to 10 points. PE would stop Tight Ends with less than minute to go, and OF COURSE Cole marched PE down the field. Needing a gender TD with no timeouts left, PE scrambled to the line to get the final play off from about the 5 yard line. Cheryl looked and fired the ball at Greg Osika on the goal line but a thrilling play by Stoner Dave knocked the ball loose, no catch, no TD, no comeback. Tight Ends In Motion win D1, after quite the long journey to get there.

 

D2:

 

Scores:

Losing Streak 52, Bullet Club 16

When Dove Cries 42, XTC 13

 

Championship: Losing Streak 38, When Dove Cries 28

 

 

D2 was not nearly as exciting as D1. Bullet Club scored on their first possession, only for Losing Streak to immediately get a “Pick 2” on the conversion, and they were off to the races. Bullet Club had no answer for the speed of Losing Streak, and it showed. When Dove Cries got their entire roster back, and played like a true championship contender. They stomped XTC in the semis (Told you, Power Rankings Committee) to move onto the finals. The D2 finals was a good game. WDC played a great first half but some bad throws by Topper lead to some easy interceptions for Chris Nelson and Ralph Finney. In the end, WDC lost the turnover battle and therefore the game. I heard that the first thing Jordan did after winning the championship was literally hopping on a plane and go to Disney World. Come on man, its just a saying. Congrats to Losing Streak, they sure earned this title. They’ve been the best D2 team since Week 3 of the season and it showed. Now its time for Topper to get them some pink shirts with the right league logo for D1 next season.

 

D3:

 

Scores:

All We Do Is Quinn 34, Top Shot 12

Wolfpack 35, Grey Hair Don’t Care 12

 

Championship: All We Do Is Quinn 34, Wolfpack 33

 

For as uninteresting as the semi-final games were, the championship game made up for it. Okay, I shouldn’t say uninteresting, because AWDIQ took that “77%” chance to win the title Top Shot was given and threw it right in the trash. Quinn absolutely dominated the favorites, but how did that happen? Remember earlier when we spoke about how teams finally had their whole roster? Apparently Quinn struggled with getting people to show up all season, until it finally mattered. Having your whole roster is a big win. But it wasn’t just that, it was mixed with Top Shot picking this game to play perhaps their worst game of the season, and it was the perfect storm for them to get knocked out. In the other Semi, Wolfpack just dominated Grey Hair. This isn’t a huge surprise when you consider that WP might have been the hottest team in the second half of the season for the entire TSL, not just D3. They carried that into the finals, where they built a nice lead over Quinn. But Quinn didn’t back away, and battled back, scoring at the end of the game to steal the D3 title from Wolfpack, but more importantly they vanquished all of their demons of the past. Finally, Quinn are champions of D3. And it’s awesome.

 

D4:

 

Scores:

Freeballers 37, Itches and Ohs 23

Jabronies 46, Practice Squad 44

 

Championship: Freeballers 33, Jabronies 25

 

D4 was as legit as we thought it would be. Freeballers didn’t quite stomp Itches and Ohs this time around, but they proceeded to have a decently easy time getting to the finals. Jabronies and Practice Squad played the tremendous game that we thought they would, going back and forth in a high scoring affair that on any normal day may have won “best of the day” honors. The Jabronies couldn’t quite keep the momentum going against the Freeballers, and they had no answer for Anthony Deak and Sean Weisensal. Because of that, the Freeballers took home the D4 crown.

 

D5:

 

Scores:

Wasted Potential 48, Breast Friends 8

Zack Attack 43, Interedimensional Lightning Falcons 8

 

Championship: Zack Attack 27, Wasted Potential 19

 

I still don’t know what happened, but Topper really screwed D5. Historically, D5 would’ve played with D2 at 12 and 1, after D1/D3 played at 10 and 11. For reasons I don’t quite understand, D5 got moved up to 11 and 12. Playing at 11 absolutely affected the playoffs. Travis and the girls were down Cheryl and Heather as they had the D1 championship. With some of his squad already missing, he was forced to play with some subs and only had 5 girls. The Breast Friends struggles mightily on both sides of the ball and were an easy win for Wasted Potential. On the other field, ILF definitely got a bit boned as well. They’ve been much better this season with Dave Baker at QB, but he was busy winning the D1 title during this game so he couldn’t throw. This put Andrew Kicak behind center and its just not the same, understandably. The incredible Zack Attack defense had zero problem with this and walked into the championship game. This was a good game with a lot of positives to come out of it. First off, Zack Attack was the top team in the league for most of the year, and they played consistently well to take this title. Secondly though, Wasted Potential has REALLY grown as a team the last couple of weeks, and I’m excited to see how they look in D5 next season. They’re proving to be a contender and if they can keep the team together, anything can happen for them in the Fall.

 

D6:

 

Scores:

Spinelli’s Plumbing 51, Travis Henry’s Kids 42

Tater Tots 37, TMA 35

 

Championship: Spinelli’s Plumbing 36, Tater Tots 22

 

D6 went chalk, which is totally boring for everyone except Spinelli’s Plumbing, who really got it together and just dominated the division the entire season. Travis Henry’s Kids was game for a shootout, but they just couldn’t keep up with SP. Tater Tots’ win over TMA was a classic. TMA waited until the playoffs to have the drama apparently, as Nick Smith did his best Ultimate Warrior impression, powerslamming a Tater Tot (which is one of the best lines I’ve ever written in ten years of doing this) and getting kicked out of the game. Even still, they persevered. Down 10 points on 6-0 on the last play of the game, Ryan Henery fired a pass to Diana Bernal (needing a gender TD), and the ball deflected off her hands only to be caught by Val Testa for the TD. On the two point conversion, Ryan scrambled and threw the game tying conversation to Lauren O’Brien and we’re headed to OT! But wait! Much like the Sticky Bandits in D1, a sack was called, the conversion didn’t count, and the Tots headed to the finals in a thrilling finish. The championship game wasn’t much to write home about, as the Tots couldn’t keep up with Spinelli’s offense yet again, and SP took home the title. Either way, I think we should see both of these teams (along with TMA) in D5 next season. 

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR NEXT SEASON:

 

1. What will be the fate of Chris Cole? It’s the most important question heading into the Fall season. I’ve heard he’s retiring, I’ve heard he’s coming back for one last run, I’ve heard nothing is decided. The domino effect of a Chris Cole retirement across many divisions is quite the interesting story. Had he completed the comeback against TEIM this time, I feel like that would’ve been it. But now, there’s some slightly unfinished business that just may eat at him for the rest of his life.

 

2. What happens with All We Do Is Quinn? Seriously, they don’t email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and as a result I never know what’s happening with them. They won the D3 title, finally. Do they chase Scared Hitless in D2? Do they finally have that breakup we’ve heard about for 20 years? This would be a nice storybook ending, but here’s hoping they stick around.

 

3. What teams will be moving up next season? Well, I think all of the champions are actually going to move up. Losing Streak will be really fun to watch in D1. Quinn in D2 is interesting as well. Freeballers should fit right in in D3, same for Zack Attack in D4. Spinelli’s should be more than fine in D5. But, that’s not all. Top Shot should 100% be in D2 next season. D3 was too low for them, regardless of the result. Part of me thinks the Breast Friends should move up to D4, and that the Stunts should consider D3 as well. The Tater Tots and TMA are going to D5, there’s no reason for them to stay down any further. This of course, all depends on who is sticking around.

 

4. Will there be a Breakfast Club in the fall? This is something that has been asked of me in the emails a lot actually. I know we’ve never done BC in the fall in an attempt to help “save” the fields in the past. But with the fall session starting earlier than it used to, plus global warming, plus the fact that most everyone that has played BC this season kind of looked forward to it more than their regular teams might equal us doing it in the fall. If there’s enough support for it, perhaps it’ll be done.

 

5. Speaking of BC, how did the final go there? Well, Topper threw 9 touchdowns in the game. The only problem is that 5 of those were to the other team. The EMIgos had a lead against the GWCs, but a clutch 6-0 TD catch by Breakfast Club Championship MVP Anthony Deak, in the second half, followed by two more interceptions in the end zone (both also by Deak, hence the MVP) lead to an undefeated season and a championship for the team in white.

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR THE OFFSEASON:

 

1. First thing’s first: Thank you to Topper, Coach Jay, Joe K, Travis, Jeff Krol, Val Bernal, Emily Curry, and really just about everyone that helped out this season to make it such an awesome success. We can’t have this league without you guys!

 

2. For those looking for the final podcast of the season, I guess Topper got some new equipment that didn’t quite work out, and he said they couldn’t record because of it. I believe they still plan to do one, so stay tuned.

 

3. The TSL Bachelorette is also scheduled for the offseason. I’m looking forward to hearing this contest. Good luck Lauren. If you want to be a contestant you can email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. !

 

4. I forgot to mention how awesome Jimmy Hearn is! He got a signed Josh Allen mini-helmet and raffled it off with all of the proceeds being donated to Garrett Beesing’s sister’s MS Walk. What a selfless individual. Shout out to Tommy Hughes for helping him acquire it, and to Matty Ice who ended up winning the prize!

 

5. The Wine Tournament is currently sold out. It’ll be August 14^th, it’ll be ridiculously fun, and if you signed up and haven’t paid yet? DO SO. Why? Because there’s a waiting list for teams trying to get in and Topper will replace you if need be. This sold out really fast. People love their football.

 

6. THE FALL SEASON OF THE TSL BEGINS ON AUGUST 21^ST. PREPARE ACCORDINGLY. Someone tell the Wanderers.

 

7. I don’t think TSL – Angry Buffalo relations have ever been so good. Not a single reported problem that I heard of, the bar was usually full, and everyone had a great time. Thank you for being respectful and not destroying any potted plants.

 

8. I guess there’s a few players playing in some divisions that are just too low for them. In the spirit of fairness and competition, we might be looking at some “divisional restrictions” for these players. It’s more of a compliment than anything else. More on this as it develops.

 

9. There’s always going to be hiccups, but for the most part I’ve heard that the refereeing was very good this season. As always, if you want to be a referee (and we can always use part timers who want to learn!) please tell Topper or Coach Jay. The more you help, the better the league is.

 

10. Thank you to everyone that took the time to email me and give me updates on them and their teams. I received more feedback this season than anyone else. I appreciate the kind words I get from everyone about how much they enjoy the article as well. I’ve done this for over a decade now, and while I miss being at the fields week in and week out, I still get to feel like I’m a part of things. So again, thank you.

 

 

This article is always bittersweet to write. It’s awesome talking about our newest TSL champions, and the great playoff games that happened, but at the same time I know that it’ll be another month and a half or so until we get to play more games. I hope everyone has an awesome Fourth of July holiday, and make sure you all stay safe out there. I look forward to hearing from you guys with more updates about your teams very soon. There’s a reason this league is the absolute best Social Co-Ed Football League around, and it’s because of the people. YOU are what makes this league great, don’t you ever forget it. I can’t wait for the next TSL season to start, and I don’t think I’m alone in that sentiment.

 

Take care of yourselves,

 

GF OUT.

Playoffs Predictions and Stuff

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 18 June 2021 16:33

Published: Friday, 18 June 2021 16:33

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 2981

 

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, I regret to inform you that the regular season has come to a close. What was once a season full of potential and promise for everyone, has now given way to the harsh realities many teams faced as the season went away. Injuries, players who just never showed up, teams failing to mesh together quickly, bad luck, and other reasons are why so many things went wrong for so many teams over the last two months.

 

               And now, the real fun begins.

 

               That’s right! The race for social co-ed football immortality officially begins this Saturday, as we dive head first into the Topper Sports Spring 2021 Playoffs. We started with 60 teams this season, and we’re already down to 50 as we head into the weekend. Granted, 4 of those are Breakfast Club teams who started their playoffs last weekend, but they’re racing for immortality nonetheless.

 

               It’s been said before, but the last few weeks are more telling than the first few. Teams are figuring out how to win together, and they’re hitting their stride at the right time. We’ve seen that recently with University Wealth Management winning their last two games, or Why So Serious just beating Public Enemy. These are just two examples. On the other side of things, Bullet Club is on a 7 game losing streak after being a couple plays away from a 4-0 start or Graves Bros, once the D6 favorites, sit at 5-4 after a 4-2 start, and the only win was against Juiced. Juiced would struggle against a group of toddlers though, so you can’t be too excited about that win.

 

               And those are just a few examples before we really get into the meat of this article. This article is always a long one, so if you want to Venmo Topper some tips for my great work please do. I’m kidding, don’t actually do that. I forget this league is full of people that would. But joking aside, thank you to the VERY HIGH number of teams that reached out when Topper asked for some information from everyone. I get a lot of emails throughout the season, but it’s always good to hear from those squads that I don’t talk to often, if at all.

 

               This is it. This is the playoffs. Who has the best chance to win? Who’s GOING to win? The truth is, we always think we know, and we never do. And that’s the true magic of the TSL Playoffs: Anyone can win. Except the Freeballers.

 

Let’s get into it:

 

D1:

 

Last Week’s Scores:

Tight Ends In Motion 41, Sloppy Seconds 20

Why So Serious? 48, Public Enemy 43

 

               Yeah, you saw that right. Why So Serious decided to wait until the last week of the season to win a game, and boy was it a doozy. Public Enemy misses out on their customary bye and will have to play in the first week of the playoffs for the first time since 1996 (probably). Tight Ends walked through Sloppy Seconds as pretty much predicted to wrap up the #1 seed and home field advantage throughout the playoffs. Eyes Downtown took home the other bye this year with TEIM, which means they get one less week of football than everyone else so maybe they AREN’T the winners here. As we go through the games please recall that all “Points For, Points Against” things are the DIVISION averages, whereas the TSL Rank is for all 60 teams (it includes the Breakfast Club teams which is hilarious and awesome).

 

 

THE PLAYOFFS:

 

THE ODDS:

Tight Ends In Motion (3-1)

Public Enemy (5-1)

Eyes Downtown (7-1)

Sticky Bandits (20-1)

Why So Serious (21-1)

Sloppy Seconds (30-1)

 

               It’s incredibly hard to bet on anyone but Tight Ends this season, but its also incredibly hard to forget them cracking under the pressure in the championship last year too. Even in a down year, PE is the “favorite” to beat the TEIM juggernaut, even as the 3 seed. New Eyes Downtown have been a revelation, but there’s still a couple kinks to work out that make me think this isn’t the year. Sticky, Why So Serious, and Sloppy Seconds “bring up the rear”, and while they’re all capable of winning a game in the playoffs, I can’t imagine them beating any two of the top three on Championship Saturday.

 

#3 Public Enemy (6-3) vs #6 Why So Serious? (1-8)

Points For: PE – 32.11 (3^rd), WSS – 21.88 (6^th)

Points Against: PE – 28.33 (2^nd), WSS – 42.00 (6^th)

TSL Rank: PE – 20^th, WSS – 58th

Past Games: PE 33 - WSS 17 and WSS 48 – PE 43

Official Line: Public Enemy (-9)

 

The Analysis: On paper, Why So Serious gets blown out of the water. But, stuck in the back of everyone’s minds for this game is what we just saw last weekend: Why So Serious 48, Public Enemy 43. WSS had it’s entire team for the first time all season, and it lead to a big win that sets up this rematch. Add into the widespread chatter about who PE is going to be missing this weekend and there’s a very real chance that the upset is about to happen. On top of that, Asian Pete (Which again, that’s how HE signs his emails to me, I just call him “Pete”, and I don’t even think we have another Pete of note in the TSL. Its 2021 Peter, get woke.) emailed me to specifically say that he “actually tried” this week which, along with Terrell Bolden playing was the catalyst for the upset. Are we going to see history “Re-Pete” itself? (Buckle up kids, this is going to be a long article full of these puns)

 

The Prediction: I want to bet against Public Enemy. I do. But historically that has gone so poorly for anyone in TSL history. Until they’re actually dead, I can’t bet against them. Ask Tight Ends about that. It’s a respect thing for me. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 3.

 

#4 Sticky Bandits (4-5) vs #5 Sloppy Seconds (1-8)

Points For: SB – 28.38 (4^th), SS – 27.67 (5^th)

Points Against: SB – 32.00 (4^th), SS – 39.89 (5^th)

TSL Rank: SB – 35^th, SS – 52nd

Past Games: SB 54 – SS 16

Official Line: Sticky Bandits (-3)

 

The Analysis: The story line headed into this season was how Dave Baker spurned the Sticky Bandits, leaving them for dead as they moved up to D1 because he couldn’t get over his own ego and had to lead the team HE created to a championship. The irony is that in the first round of the playoffs, Sticky gets to play Sloppy Seconds, a team full of very nice people that Jeff Krol brutally cut from Sticky Nation and left them for dead. While Sticky is looking for revenge on Tight Ends and Dave, they also have a team full of people looking for the same revenge against them this week. The problem with this, is that Sticky replaced Baker with an Older, Faster, More Talented version of him in Kevin Zack and then for good measure also added a Younger, Faster, More Talented version of Baker in Dean Thompson. Believe me, they’re not hurting for talent, and as Jeff Krol wrote to me this week: “If you write one thing about us in your end of season recap, it should be how much we fucking love playing with those guys.” What an endorsement. Sloppy isn’t a team full of slouches either mind you. There’s a LOT of talent over there with Alex Buchlis throwing, Ben Stack and Garrett Beesing receiving, and they have Amy Taylor kicking some tail too. But with most new teams, it takes time to mesh well, and doing that in D1 makes it a little bit harder.

 

The Prediction: Give me the stability of the Sticky Nation all day, every day. This is a team that has played together for 360 years and has risen to the ranks together. It’s nothing against Sloppy. I truly hope they keep it going, as more time to mesh as a team together will yield some better results on the field sooner than later. STICKY BANDITS BY 13

 

 

D2:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Peachy Platoon 34, Slytherin That End Zone 32

Losing Streak 62, XTC 14

Scared Hitless 28, A&A 27

When Dove Cries 41, Passed Our Prime 28

Mountain Dew Me 45, Bullet Club 36

A&A 43, When Dove Cries 22

 

               Peachy finishes at the top of the table with yet another come from behind victory over SITE, who snatched yet another defeat from the jaws of victory. Losing Streak continues to put up their impressive offensive numbers in a thrashing of XTC, who was giving Eric Flynn a go at the QB position for the last time ever. Scared Hitless was down 27-0 before JONNY F’N FOOTBALL stepped in at QB (or so I’ve been told, Jonny didn’t return my emails to confirm this) to lead SH to a 1 point win over A&A. Topper was missing a good chunk of his team this week and still went 1-1. Mountain Dew Me overcame an early deficit to run (literally) past Bullet Club as well.

 

IN MEMORIAM:

 

This is the spot where we highlight our teams that have left us too soon, and they’ve already been eliminated from the playoffs.

 

#10 Passed Our Prime (1-8) – A rough season from POP after such potential coming out of the indoor league. But that roster had players like Robin Makula, Stoner Dave, Chris Nelson, and Ralph Finney, all of whom have ties to other teams during TSL Proper. Unfortunately for Jeremy, the replacements he made to his roster ended up not showing up much, if at all (Hi Bloomfield!) and it cost them in the end. But you know who DID show up? Keyon Elias should be a legitimate D2 MVP candidate, even for a 1-8 team that missed the playoffs. And Jeremy made it a point to email me to give Amanda Paolucci a shout out for playing some of her best football of her life, and this is apparently after not playing for 5 years. I truly hope this isn’t an exaggeration. The present for this team seems dismal, but the future looks brighter, especially if they can get their roster there. A few more games from some key players and they’d have made the playoffs. This team had the 3^rd best offense in the division, but it was that defense that really hurt them.

 

#9 Scared Hitless (2-7) – The defending D3 champions made the jump up to D2, and while it SEEMS like it was a lost season, there’s a lot of be proud of here. We said it before the season: this team’s hopes relied on the continued growth of QB Dylan Day. While Hitless was last in the division in offense, the defense was great and kept them in a lot of games, finishing 6^th in the division. They also held Losing Streak to 22 points, which is impressive. There’s a lot to grow on here. They’re talented on both sides of the ball, and when your girls are the 1A and 1B that is Cat Peters and Jaimie Warren with Carly Deweese right there to step in at any time, Hitless has one of the top female groups in D2. I look forward to seeing what they can do in the Fall.

 

THE ODDS:

 

Losing Streak (4-1)

Peachy Platoon (6-1)

A&A (7-1)

Mountain Dew Me (9-1)

When Dove Cries (12-1)

XTC (20-1)

Slytherin That End Zone (20-1)

Bullet Club (20-1)

 

               Losing Streak opens the playoffs with the best odds to win a very competitive D2. They were the only team to beat Peachy Platoon, who hasn’t looked as Peachy the last two weeks. A&A still boasts incredible amounts of talent across the board, even with the hiccup to Scared Hitless last week. Mountain Dew Me can score, but their defense is a little worrying. You can never fully count out Topper, especially when he has his full complement of women on the field. XTC, SITE, and Bullet Club are all capable of upsets here, but with the way their seasons have gone it feels pretty unlikely any of them will go on a run.

 

#1 Peachy Platoon (7-1-1) vs #8 Bullet Club (2-7)

Points For: PP – 35.11 (5^th), BC – 27.78 (8^th)

Points Against: PP – 25.33 (1^st), BC – 36.56 (8^th)

TSL Rank:  PP – 4^th, BC – 46th

Past Games: PP 41 – BC 16

Official Line: Peachy (-7)

 

The Analysis: While Peachy Platoon hasn’t looked great in the last two weeks, Bullet Club hasn’t looked great in the last two months. Peachy has overcome deficits of 16-0 and 18-0 to win the last two weeks, the former being against Bullet Club. Josh Thompson wrote me to give me the heads up that the Platoon will be shorthanded again this week, and Tommy Nolder will sub in to join Dean, Josh, and Zak along with the three headed monster that is the Peachy Ladies. Joy Thompson, Marissa Thompson, and criminally underrated Teresa DeLabio are fast, sure handed, and they’re arguably the best female group in the entire league. On the Bullet Club side of things, it wasn’t too long ago that we were talking about how they could’ve been 4-0. Stop me if you heard this before, but Chad Griffin showing up is usually the catalyst for these games, but he’s been largely absent yet again. Scotty Dro might have thrown a few bad interceptions, but when his receivers are dropping the ball as often as BC has been, he has to take some chances. Rawdog has proven to be a great signing, and Zach Newberry has had a nice season as well, but there’s not too much to get excited about over here. I

 

The Prediction: It sounds like there will be key players missing on both sides of the ball here. Peachy has been “not great” in the first half of games, where as Bullet Club tends to take early leads and blow them. This has all the makings of an early BC lead that Peachy promptly erases in a come from behind late victory. PEACHY PLATOON BY 6.

 

 

#2 Losing Streak (7-2) vs #7 Slytherin That End Zone (3-6)

Points For: LS – 42.22 (1^st), SITE – 25.56 (9^th)

Points Against: LS – 25.44 (2^nd), SITE – 30.89 (5^th)

TSL Rank:  LS – 10^th, SITE – 44th

Past Games: LS 43, SITE 28

Official Line: Losing Streak (-11)

 

The Analysis: Gary was nice enough to tell me what the hell is wrong with SITE this season. They returned essentially the same team, but they’ve been relatively awful this season. And his answer makes a ton of sense: attendance. I know it’s an awful reason to be awful, but when your QB misses half of the games, and just about everyone else on your team has missed 2 or more games, there just isn’t any way to create some team chemistry. What does that mean? It means a full SITE roster could be that 7 seed shocking the world this weekend. . . .If they were playing anyone else. Losing Streak is the best team in D2, regardless of record. They beat Peachy, and their only two losses were to some Topper Magic on his final drive and A&A demolished them, the only real hiccup for this season. They can score, we know this. Losing Streak has run up the scoreboard on many teams this season, and I don’t mean that in a malicious way. They’re just operating at a VERY high offensive level. Jordan wrote me to say the biggest reason is because they’re playing as a TEAM. And what a team they’ve been. Besides having Anna and Rylee as female studs, they boast D2 Male MVP candidate Ralph Finney and underrated Joe Robison killing on offense. When your other guys make Chris Nelson look like Seann Nelson and he becomes your 3^rd best player, you know something is going absolutely right. I didn’t even comment yet on how well Jordan has been slinging the ball this season, and that’s because the numbers just do the talking for me. Losing Streak, even if they somehow lose this game, has shattered the “Game On teams would get destroyed in anything above D3 at Toppers” narrative. That’s something to be proud of.

 

The Predicition: This is a story of one team absolutely slaying it on the field, while the other is just hoping everyone shows up. Losing Streak is a well oiled machine playing as a team, where as SITE is a group of 10 individuals who wear 10 different shades of green. When you can’t even get two people to agree on what shade of your team color to wear, that’s a problem. LOSING STREAK BY 17

 

 

#3 Mountain Dew Me (7-2) vs #6 XTC (4-5)

Points For: MDM – 35.33 (4^th), XTC – 30.00 (7^th)

Points Against: MDM – 32.89 (7^th), XTC – 36.88 (9^th)

TSL Rank: MDM – 16^th, XTC – 38th

Past Games: MDM 35, XTC 26

Official Line: Mountain Dew Me (-8)

 

The Analysis: When these two teams met in Week 1, I don’t think anyone expected them to have gone off in such opposite directions. Mountain Dew Me acclimated themselves to the D2 game very quickly, as Joey Batts gave them a bit of order and knowledge on offense that was more than “Just go be fast as hell”. It goes unlooked on the knowledge and talent Jill Battaglia brings to the table as well, giving MDM a damn good female who has chemistry with their new QB off the bat. The “under the radar” signing though was Matt “Glasses” Voyer, who is just a safety valve that can get 8-15 yards per play as teams continue to underestimate him. And then you get into the McGregors, specifically Jordan, who has just been a complete terror for opposing defenses. MDM’s defense isn’t too special, and they allow a good amount of points, so if they can’t keep up with a great offense, they’re in trouble. Don’t believe me? Their two losses were to Peachy and Losing Streak (who put up 55). That shows they need to shore up the defense to really make a title run. XTC got the band back together this season with some mixed results. They’ve done some good things on offense, but even with the re-addition of Flynn and Joe Russell, the defense hasn’t done them too many favors. They’re the definition of the “smart and talented team that can beat you if you sleep on them”, and they’ll have the female advantage this game with Katie Keller and Kelly Mazur ready to go.

 

The Prediction: The problem with what I just said is that Joey Batts will make sure MDM doesn’t sleep on XTC. He knows what they can do, and looking ahead in this division is a fool’s errand. I fully expect MDM to be ready for this one, but I can’t imagine them getting much further in the playoffs. MOUNTAIN DEW ME BY 9.

 

#4 A&A (6-3) vs #5 When Dove Cries (5-3-1)

Points For: AA – 36.22 (2^nd), WDC – 31.00 (6^th)

Points Against: AA – 25.89 (3^rd), WDC - 28.67 (4^th)

TSL Rank:  AA – 18^th, WDC – 22nd

Past Games: AA 43, WDC 22

Official Line: A&A (-5)

 

The Analysis: OH ITS SO ON! The TSL gods up above have given us this fantastic first round matchup. Matty Ice vs Topper is a TSL QB battle for the ages. The amount of home décor Topper might buy for Travis, Val, and Matty could reach the tens of thousands if he pulls off a big win here. The numbers suggest A&A is under ranked as the 4 seed, but their performance as of late hasn’t been the best. Yes, I’m well aware that A&A just beat WDC by 21 points last week. But that was Topper’s 4^th game, where he didn’t have any of his girls, and he didn’t have Drew either. Honestly, we just can’t go off of that game. All of these players know each other really well, and this is going to be the most fun game of D2, hands down.

 

The Prediction: On the most recent podcast, Travis sounded a lot like he was already looking for his next team. That makes me feel like A&A isn’t really invested in each other, which is something that really matters for the playoffs, especially in a game that feels as close as this one. Championship Week would be weird without Topper playing. WHEN DOVE CRIES BY 6.

 

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Frodo Swaggins 48, Top Shot 33

Grey Hair Don’t Care 37, The Angels 33

Wolfpack 20, All We Do Is Quinn 6

The Angels 44, All We Do Is Quinn 18

The Untouchaballs 31, Vaspian 6

 

               Frodo beats Top Shot and sort of shocks the world. Grey Hair takes its like 3^rd straight game against the Angels on a late drop. AWDIQ is either REALLY playing possum for the playoffs, or it’s a wrap for the former contenders. Wolfpack continues winning. The Untouchaballs take an easy one from a depleted Vaspian squad.

 

THE PLAYOFFS:

 

THE ODDS:

Top Shot (2-1)

Frodo Swaggins (2-1)

The Angels (10-1)

Grey Hair (10-1)

Wolfpack (12-1)

The Untouchaballs (20-1)

All We Do Is Quinn (25-1)

Vaspian (100-1)

 

               100-1 odds is a lot, but Vaspian would have to beat Top Shot, and THEN Frodo, and THEN the Angels/Grey Hair most likely so it just doesn’t seem possible. Top Shot and Frodo receive top billing here. These are the two most clear cut teams, and the QB Power Rankings taught me the fun fact that Frodo HASN’T LOST A GAME WITH GARRETT AT QB. I can’t believe it, but Garrett is QB of the Year for D3. What a world. The Angels and Grey Hair are evenly matched, regardless of Grey Hair going 3-0 against them this season. Wolfpack has been one of the hottest teams in the TSL the second half of the season. Untouchaballs have been nice, but this isn’t their year. Quinn is a weird enigma and I can’t figure out what’s wrong with them.

 

#1 Top Shot (8-1) vs #8 Vaspian (1-7)

Points For: TS – 39.22 (1^st), Vaspian – 19.63 (8^th)

Points Against: TS – 18.67 (1^st), Vaspian – 33.00 (7^th)

TSL Rank: TS – 2^nd, Vaspian – 53rd

Past Games: TS 39 – Vaspian 15, TS 37 – Vaspian 6

Official Line: Top Shot (-26)

 

The Analysis: There’s not much to analyze here, sadly. Top Shot has been awesome on both sides of the ball thanks to the play of Dylan Jaloza at QB, and Adrian Cannon everywhere else. Oh, and they have Chris Nelson on their roster too, so yeah, this team is absolutely stacked. How is this a D3 team again? Cant we swap them for Sloppy Seconds? Anyway, once you add Jackee Thompson to the mix too, there’s just little anyone can do to stop this team. And I didn’t even get to mention Frank or Blasé yet. IT’s a good team. Very good. Vaspian has been the victim of attendance issues and being a division too high. QB Brian is coming along quite nicely, but word is that the team is trying to transition from Drew and prepare for life without him. Anything that helps them spread the ball and improve all across the board is a good move. Last season Vaspian took the #1 seed to sudden death overtime in the playoffs in a similar situation though, so they’ve been here before.

 

The Prediction: This one is about as slam dunk-y as you can get. As much fun as it would be to entertain thoughts of an upset, I can’t see it. TOP SHOT BY 18.

 

#2 Frodo Swaggins (6-3) vs #7 All We Do Is Quinn (3-5)

Points For: FS – 32.22 (3^rd), AWDIQ – 24.50 (6^th)

Points Against: FS – 32.44 (6^th), AWDIQ – 29.25 (5^th)

TSL Rank:  FS – 21^st, AWDIQ – 41st

Past Games: FS 41, AWDIQ 40

Official Line: Frodo Swaggins (-13)

 

The Analysis: Frodo is a hell of a team, that’s for sure. Garrett continues to sing the praises of his team, calling them the best group of people in the world. You love to see it. On the field, they’ve been dominant, although their losses have come during some weeks with attendance issues, so the numbers are off. Nick and Tammy Buczek are both stars in their own right, although I think I heard Tammy broke her hand. It doesn’t matter thought because Emily Schilling, Sarah Hunt, and Kristen Daniels are all there to pick up the slack. Josh Schneider continues to be one of the league’s best kept secrets as well. As for Quinn, well, it’s been rough. Vince is still a good QB, but the talent around him has decreased. Rawdog graduated to D2, and last year’s MVP candidate Troy Boller isn’t playing this year. Mike Gelz can only do so much for one team. At least Kasey Thur has become a bit of a bar regular.

 

The Prediction: I remember when I was writing about this game as a predicted championship preview. Unfortunately for Quinn, these teams have gone in opposite directions since those days. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 12

 

#3 Grey Hair – Don’t Care (5-4) vs #6 The Untouchaballs (4-5)

Points For: GH – 27.33 (4^th), UB – 26.89 (5^th)

Points Against: GH – 25.44 (2^nd), UB – 27.00 (3^rd)

TSL Rank: GH – 27^th, UB – 34th

Past Games: UB 24, GH 22

Official Line: Untouchaballs (-1)

 

The Analysis: This is about as close of a game as a game can get. Even with Grey Hair showing a better offense and defense, it isn’t by much at all. Untouchaballs (also, UB is the best I can do for an abbreviation) beat Grey Hair this season, and they’re coming along nicely. They have the best female in this game in Melanie Linsmair, formerly known as Sticky Hands Blonde Chick. Grey Hair has Jon Von however, and they have loads of experience.

 

The Prediction: A really, really close game. I saw this matchup on Monday and had The Untouchaballs penciled in as one of my “upsets”, but naturally the TSLQBPRC (who makes the lines) favored them instead. THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 1

 

#4 The Angels (4-5) vs #5 Wolfpack (4-5)

Points For: The Angels – 35.44 (2^nd), WP – 20.44 (7^th)

Points Against: The Angels – 34.44 (8^th), WP – 27.44 (4^th)

TSL Rank: The Angels – 29^th, WP – 32nd

Past Games: The Angels 35, Wolfpack 32

Official Line: The Angels (-2)

 

The Analysis: The Angels have given up the most points in the division this season, as they get acclimated to D3. Emily Curry wrote me to give the girls shout outs specifically for being the first gender team to go to D3. It’s understandably been an adjustment, but Margo, Nikki Kedron, Katie Salisbury, and Taylor Pagano have been killing it out there mossing dudes. Add in Casey being faster than anyone else, and Val Bernal exploiting mismatches and its been a good season that they will only improve on. Not to mention Matty came back, and then left, and is back again. Wolfpack started off 1-5 but have since gotten into a groove, winning 3 straight games and being one of the hotter teams in the league. The biggest reason is how QB Ward Blewitt has properly adjusted to the pace of the game. Garbacz took the time to email me to not only give Ward props, but his whole team. Cindi Bell has hands like glue, as she compliments Rachel Parker, Liz Farley, and Dorene Major to give Wolfpack a hell of a female contingent. When you add in the play of Jake Dunn, Russ, and yeah, even Joe Z, it’s been quite the second half that has turned Wolfpack from an afterthought in D3 to “Oh man, I wouldn’t be surprised to see them pull an upset”.

 

The Prediction: While I really like how Wolfpack has played recently, I’m sure they have the proper personnel to take out the Angels, especially with Matty back at QB. Like him or hate him, he’s a winner, and “Playoff Matty” is something else. “Playoff Matty for the Angels” is even better. Unless the entire Angels roster gets lost in Ward’s eyes (which cant be completely discounted), I don’t think they’ll be able to score enough to keep up. THE ANGELS BY 6

 

 

D4:

 

Last Week’s Scores:

Itches and Ohs 37, Practice Squad 22

Buffalo Vice 51, Woodpeckers 38

Jabronies 28, Freeballers 21

Jabronies 21, Cunning Stunts 0 (forfeit)

Buffalo Vice 51, Freeballers 34

Cunning Stunts 29, TOX 22

 

               Itches and Ohs beat Practice Squad to take the D4 regular season title. Buffalo Vice jumped back into the scene with back to back 51 point games to remind everyone just who they are. The Jabronies take two wins last week, though one was by forfeit. The Woodpeckers lost, but gave one of their best showings of the season. Apparently the Freeballers went 0-2 and during the process made a QB change? That seems like the move just before the playoffs. That was sarcasm for those of you not catching on.

 

IN MEMORIAM:

 

#10 – Woodpeckers (1-8) – The Woodpeckers had one crazy year. They started in D6, beat TMA, and were promptly moved up to D4. And then they proceeded to get smacked around a bit as they adjusted. While the roster went through some changes and some infighting midway through the season, they started to gel as a team as things went on. Even in the 51-38 loss to Buffalo Vice last week, Woodpeckers could have won, but they did that with Joe B playing iron man defense. Imagine if he didn’t have to do that! Joe was nice enough to write in, and explained that they also suffered from only having their two main females together only twice. It’s hard to win in this league without your top girls all of the time. I don’t know where this team goes from here, but at the very least, we got some interesting and fun new people in the league and that’s always a good thing.

 

#9 – Not So Sticky (1-8) – Not So Sticky was formed pretty late in the offseason when a team dropped out. They were the epitome of a fun time. They chugged alcohol at halftime, they ran a bunch of fun trick plays, and they were always having a good time. This translated to very few wins for Jeff Krol’s passion project. The goal was never to focus on wins anyway, but to focus on friendships and fun. They nailed that.

 

THE PLAYOFFS:

 

THE ODDS:

Buffalo Vice (4-1)

Itches and Ohs (4-1)

Cunning Stunts (5-1)

Practice Squad (5-1)

Jabronies (8-1)

Freeballers (12-1)

Cobblestone (20-1)

TOX (25-1)

 

               It’s a 4 team race here in what is actually the most competitive division in the TSL this year. The Jabronies would be right up there too, but word is they’ll be without Joe Miano this week, and that can only hurt their chances. Freeballers dropped a bit due to the rumored infighting over the QB drama as well.

 

#1 Itches and Ohs (7-2) vs #8 TOX (2-7)

Points For: IOs – 30.89 (5^th), TOX – 23.00 (8^th)

Points Against: IOs – 33.11 (8^th), TOX – 29.78 (5^th)

TSL Rank: IOs – 6^th, TOX – 48th

Past Games: IOs 32, TOX 31

Official Line: Itches and Ohs (-8)

 

The Analysis: Itches and Ohs QB Steve Moser has been under fire from many within the league for his in game antics, yelling at his own team (even when winning by a bunch), complaining about the refs, and blowing off podcast appearances. However, you can’t deny what he’s done on the field. He went 7-2, only losing to Buffalo Vice and then the infamous 51-0 loss to Freeballers they called early. Since then, he’s beaten the Cunning Stunts (only team to do so without a forfeit) and Practice Squad, both of whom were considered the D4 “favorites” as recently as 3 weeks ago. . . before they played Steve. Say what you want about him, he wins football games. Itches boasts the best “non-gender team) girls in the division with Laura Streeter, Rylee Moser, and Lauren Moser making plays all over the place. Jeremy Streit keeps getting better as time goes on, and Robert Lee has been very good as well. On the TOX side, Topper is always good, but they’ve had their own attendance issues as well. They haven’t had Aaron and Harlan in the same game in quite some time, but that changes this week. Add in Tommy Hughes, and that’s a pretty formidable offense, which will sadly be missing Dave Walter this week as he’s on yet another vacation apparently.

 

The Prediction: This is going to be closer than you think. Itches is the hotter team right now, but TOX is going to have its full lineup, which makes them dangerous. What it’s going to come down to is the girls, and Itches’ females are light years ahead of what TOX brings to the table (with the exception of Leslie, who is amazing, of course). ITCHES AND OHS BY 4

 

#2 Jabronies (7-2) vs #7 Cobblestone (3-6)

Points For: Jabronies – 33.75 (3^rd), Cobblestone – 28.38 (7^th)

Points Against: Jabronies – 24.75 (3^rd), Cobblestone – 23.50(2^nd)

TSL Rank: Jabronies – 7^th, Cobblestone – 42nd

Past Games: Jabronies 27, Cobblestone 23

Official Line: Jabronies (-5)

 

The Analysis: The job Joe Miano did for the Jabronies in taking a relatively new team who hadn’t played together and forming them into a hell of a squad is nothing short of amazing. Cobblestone played a very condensed schedule and it has me wondering if they’re a lot better than a 3-6 team. Honestly, look at that defense. Cobblestone has been awesome on that side of the ball. The biggest piece to this puzzle is that Joe Miano isn’t going to be there this week. Or so I’ve been told. If that’s the case, there’s nothing more to talk about here.

 

The Prediction: Jabronies live and die by Miano. His absence combined with Cobblestones stout defense AND Darryl’s magic is going to give us a big upset here. COBBLESTONE BY 7

 

#3 Cunning Stunts (7-2) vs #6 Freeballers (5-4)

Points For: CS – 39.38 (2^nd), FB – 30.67 (6^th)

Points Against: CS – 31.88 (7^th), FB – 22.56 (1^st)

TSL Rank: CS – 9^th, FB – 25th

Past Games: CS 43, FB 19

Official Line: Cunning Stunts (-2)

 

The Analysis: The Freeballers couldn’t have pulled a worse matchup for them for the playoffs. Especially now, as there’s a huge QB controversy apparently. While the Ballers have an excellent defense, the Stunts dropped 43 on them last time. Joey Batts is a smart QB, and he knows that his girls might all be better than every single female on the Freeballers. That creates mismatches no matter what you do, and as we saw before, he can exploit that. Regardless of the inner turmoil happening to Freeballers, this is just a bad matchup for them.

 

The Prediction: For the Freeballers to win, they need all be on the same page. Even if they are, they’ll need to force a turnover or two to really make this happen. It’s not impossible, its just feeling improbable. CUNNING STUNTS BY 12

 

#4 Buffalo Vice (7-2) vs #5 Practice Squad (6-3)

Points For: BV – 40.75 (1^st), PS – 32.00 (4^th)

Points Against: BV – 30.25 (6^th), PS – 25.67 (4^th)

TSL Rank: BV – 11^th, PS – 19th

Past Games: BV 41, PS 13

Official Line: Buffalo Vice (-7)

 

The Analysis: This is a great matchup. What a game. Buffalo Vice has been crazy good on offense, averaging OVER 40 POINTS. Andy Clark, we see you. Dan Gonzalez can be routinely seen catching long TDs, and Caitlyn Mason is an absolute speed demon. They match up so well with anyone. Even if their defense is a little lacking due to some missing players, Buffalo Vice’s best defense is their offense. Practice Squad showed they can hang with D4 for sure, but there’s a reason Team Lantz is the 5 seed and not higher. They might just be a small step behind the rest of the field. Could they win D4? Yes. Could they lose by 28 tomorrow? Also yes. This season has been fantastic for their development though, and no matter what happens this season is a win for them.

 

The Prediction: When it comes down to it, I just cant envision Practice Squad keeping up on the scoreboard with Buffalo Vice. They’re an offensive juggernaut, and almost impossible to slow down. Practice Squad will give a hell of an effort, but they’ll succumb to the points explosion. BUFFALO VICE BY 14

 

 

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Breast Friends 21, Zack Attack 0 (forfeit)

Puckett All-Stars 32, ILF 20

The Bambs 46, Wasted Potential 30

UWM 29, Show Me Dem TDs 6

 

               Another week, another forfeit win for Breast Friends. Puckett asserts their dominance on ILF. The Bambs continue to run “Sekuterski on a post deep” and it continues to work. And UNIVERSITY WEALTH MANAGEMENT IS PEAKING AT THE RIGHT TIME BABY!

 

THE PLAYOFFS:

 

THE ODDS:

Puckett All-Stars (4-1)

Zack Attack (5-1)

Breast Friends (6-1)

ILF (12-1)

The Bambs (14-1)

Wasted Potential (20-1)

UWM (30-1)

Show Me Dem TDs (50-1)

 

               Puckett has been very good all year, and combined with their lack of forfeit wins, takes the top spot in the odds. Zack Attack’s stellar defense has them right there with them though. It’s hard to gauge Breast Friends when they didn’t get to play 3 games this year. ILF and The Bambs could pull an upset or two, while the rest of the division will struggle to win 3 games to win the title.

 

#1 Breast Friends (7-2) vs #8 Show Me Dem TDs (1-8)

Points For: BF – 34.83 (1^st), SMDTD – 23.25 (7^th)

Points Against: BF – 24.50 (2^nd), SMDTD – 32.58 (7^th)

TSL Rank: BF – 5^th, SMDTD – 54th

Past Games: BF 21 – SMDTD 0 (forfeit), BF 34 – SMDTD 0

Official Line: Breast Friends (-11)

 

The Analysis: Even if its hard to gauge what BF will look like against the other top teams in the division, that 34-0 win against SMDTDs is telling for this one. Travis is a smart QB, and he’ll know exactly how to navigate this game against a team that’s running for the bus. While SMDTDs had the season from hell, according to Jon Senn, its almost over. They had 7 players on IR this season. The fun part was Jackee Thompson throwing for them, but that’s a small bright spot in tough season. Senn did say he’s working with Missy Keem on a new team for the Fall “that might have to move to D3”. That’s a teaser folks.

 

The Prediction: Not much to really say here. SMDTDs is sort of in shambles and focused on the next season already. BREAST FRIENDS BY 19

 

 

#2 Zack Attack (7-2) vs #7 University Wealth Management (2-7)

Points For: ZA – 23.63 (6^th), UWM – 20.22 (8^th)

Points Against: ZA – 18.75 (1^st), UWM – 31.22 (6^th)

TSL Rank: ZA – 8^th, UWM – 50th

Past Games: ZA 38 – UWM 0, UWM 37 – ZA 8

Official Line: Zack Attack (-6)

 

The Analysis: These two teams have a fun little rivalry going on here. One team is on a two game winning streak, and one is on a two game losing streak. I wouldn’t have guessed who is who, that’s for sure. It’s awesome to see the Keller clan having a nice little run here, but unfortunately they seem to have peaked too early! Now they can’t surprise Zack Attack, who HAS to be wanting some revenge here. Either way, one has to assume that they’re ready for UWM, and UWM is more focused on the 3^rd and Schlong Eggplant Bowl at 4:00.

 

The Prediction: It’s hard to imagine lighting striking twice here. I think we’ll be seeing the Zack Attack from the first 6 weeks of the season than the one that limped to the finish. ZACK ATTACK BY 15

 

#3 Puckett All-Stars (7-2) vs #6 Wasted Potential (3-6)

Points For: PAS – 33.89 (2^nd), WP – 32.00 (4^th)

Points Against: PAS – 25.56 (3^rd), WP – 35.89 (8^th)

TSL Rank: PAS – 14^th, WP – 43rd

Past Games: PAS 42 – WP 8, PAS 34 – WP 33

Official Line: Puckett All-Stars (-16)

 

The Analysis: Puckett has been so good this season, as Topper has said almost weekly on the podcast. TJ Ferguson has been playing at a high level for YEARS now, and the league as a whole still doesn’t recognize them enough. Ashley emailed me to give me a fun tidbit: They’ve been playing since the Mill Middle days, which I believe was back in 1873. She said the best thing about the team is that they don’t have any “star” players. Its that everyone on the team knows their role and they play it to perfection. I made her name some people anyone, and she said Tim Graffam and Elisha Reimers have been awesome on both sides of the ball. But Ashley is too modest to talk about herself. That’s why Dan Graffam emailed me specifically to say that Ashley is one of the stars of Puckett, but she won’t ever say that about herself. The reason Puckett is successful is because they’re not afraid to throw it to their girls on any down in any situation. He also names Elisha, by the way, so she gets double points. As for Wasted Potential, well, the former Passless Chaps has had their share of ups and downs this year. Coach Jay has done well in leading the offense, but with him unable to play D, they just can’t stop anybody. Ricky Booth certainly gets the job done, but he needs some help.

 

The Prediction: When it comes down to it, it doesn’t feel like Wasted Potential will ever be able to get a stop on Puckett. The All-Stars will more than likely score on every possession, so unless WP can keep up on the scoreboard, they may not have a chance in this one. This is evidenced in their two games this season. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 13

 

#4 International Lightning Falcons (5-4) vs #5 The Bambs (4-5)

Points For: ILF – 32.22 (3^rd), The Bambs – 31.00 (5^th)

Points Against: ILF – 29.11 (4^th), The Bambs – 30.63 (5^th)

TSL Rank: ILF – 26^th, The Bambs – 37th

Past Games: ILF 42 – The Bambs 38, ILF 32 – The Bambs 0

Official Line: International Lightning Falcons (-5)

 

The Analysis: Not much separates these two squads. Yes, you see that ILF won 32-0 two weeks ago, but that was a 9:00 game that The Bambs sort of forgot about. We can’ t use that to judge. No, it seems we’re in line for a 42-38 type game. Dave Baker has been very good as the QB for ILF in his first season. But it’s not without help. Besides the fruit of his loins, Alex Baker, doing everything on both sides of the ball, and Andrew Kicak excelling at everything except for being a QB, ILF has had contributions from its entire roster. Jason Neth has really come on this season, and is a front runner for winning the TSL Bachelorette. Sticky Bandits cast off Karl Smith is always there to make a big play. I’ll give a shout out to Liam Elinski too, who apparently loves the article. Most importantly, from Andrew: Rebecca Dominesey is a lover of Jack and Coke who once broke a girl’s leg in a powderpuff game in high school. Competitive AND an alcoholic? No wonder she fits in just fine in the TSL. Anyway, that was specifically for the “Taller, younger men out there in the league”. Good luck Becca! As for The Bambs, Anthony Buono has been slinging it very well, as per usual. Joe Cena (he’s the Cena you CAN see) wrote in to talk about how great his blonde hair is. After that it, its all about how “meh” the season was, and the various follies they’ve committed: missing the 9:00 game because of drinking too much, blowing 20 point leads, etc. But he made sure to complement the, wow this is really a name here, Mlodozeniec brothers? They’re the “Ms” from now on here. Anyway, between them and the stellar play of Marissa Padilla, Michelle Snodgrass, and Brooke Guay (and her ‘kankle’ that’s been with her since 2018!), The Bambs have had a pretty nice year.

 

The Prediction: These two teams really made me laugh with their emails, so it was hard for either to sway me to either side. This feels like a true toss up, so I’ll flip a coin. THE BAMBS BY 6

 

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Graves Bros 41, Juiced 37

TMA 45, Lenny’s Ladies 0

Blitzkrieg 31, Travis Henry’s Kids 28

The Bi-Polar Express 61, Victorious Secret 35

Spinelli’s Plumbing 31, Tater Tots 22

Victorious Secret 44, Travis Henry’s Kids 36

 

               Spinelli’s beat the Tots in the “this is for first place in the season” game, which is a hell of a way to end the year. Tommy Hughes lead BPX to a win in the gender matchup against Victorious Secret, who then proceeded to hand THK their second loss of the day. THK also lost a close one to Blitzkrieg earlier on. TMA took advantage of some drops to walk away with an easy win against Lenny’s Ladies, and Graves Bros held on to squeak by Juiced.

 

IN MEMORIAM:

 

#10 Juiced (0-9) – Juiced was the only team to not win a game this season, which is a bummer after they were cool enough to move down to D6 from D4 when we discovered the Woodpeckers were all 6’7 giants. I know it was hard on them for having their girls ghost on them right before the season, which can only make things difficult for the year. I hope they get things together in the offseason and come back better than ever in the Fall.

 

#9 Victorious Secret (2-7) – Jordan Lawson’s gender team had some lowlights, but they also had some highlights, such as the last second win against Juiced and this weekend, where they stopped THK on 6-0 with under two minutes left, got the ball back with 26 seconds remaining, marched down the field and scored to take the win! VS really got better as the season went on and they adapted to the TSL game. When you have stars on your team like Anna Lawson, Des Wagner, Kay Schwann, and Trish Esposito (just to name a few), you’re going to be in every game. They didn’t make the playoffs this year, but I have a feel this will be the last time that ever happens.

 

THE PLAYOFFS:

 

THE ODDS:

Spinelli’s Plumbing (3-1)

Tater Tots (5-1)

TMA (5-1)

Travis Henry’s Kids (10-1)

Graves Bros (15-1)

The Bi-Polar Express (15-1)

Blitzkrieg (18-1)

Lenny’s Ladies (25-1)

 

               Spinelli’s gets the top billing after beating the Tots this week. The Tots and TMA are the other team teams with very good shots at winning this championship as well. THK slides back a little from the pack after a down week last week. I have no idea what’s going on with Graves Bros, but it isn’t good. They’ve been awful down the stretch, and almost lost to Juiced as well. You can never count out BPX, Blitzkrieg is also a nice sleeper pick. Finally, Lenny’s Ladies bring up the rear, but if they have their full team they can beat you if you look past them.

 

#1 Spinelli’s Plumbing (8-1) vs #8 Lenny’s Ladies (3-6)

Points For: SP – 40.44 (1^st), LL – 22.56 (10^th)

Points Against: SP – 24.44 (3^rd), LL – 38.22 (8^th)

TSL Rank: SP – 3^rd, LL – 45th

Past Games: SP 38, LL 16

Official Line: Spinelli’s Plumbing (-18)

 

The Analysis: Spinelli’s has been so good on both sides of the ball, as Peyton’s squad has finally shown up for an entire season. QB Nick Hawes has been money slinging the ball, and they have a star in Katie Swanson for the girls as well. Nothing has really gone wrong for Spinelli’s all season, save for a Week 3 loss to TMA. The Ladies have had an up and down season, mostly related to attendance issues. When they can trot out Robin Makula, Christine Krol, Joy Thompson, Jaimie Warren, Katie Swanson, and Caitlyn Mason all at once, that’s a hell of a rotation. Joe K has made strides as a QB as the season has gone on, and, according to Joe K’s email, I don’t believe they’ve had a full team once this season, which happens with gender teams. They spent a good chunk of the season learning how to play defense, which has improved a bit as well. They were up 16-0 on Spinelli’s two weeks ago before the wheels fell off.

 

The Prediction: This game depends on how many Ladies show up, but even then it’ll depend on how well they play defense together. Spinelli’s won’t take them lightly this time around. SPINELLI’S PLUMBING BY 18

 

#2 Tater Tots (7-2) vs #7 Blitzkrieg (4-5)

Points For: TT – 31.44 (6^th), BK – 25.00 (8^th)

Points Against: TT – 18.33 (1^st), BK – 26.33 (4^th)

TSL Rank: TT – 13^th, BK – 36th

Past Games: TT 38, BK 6

Official Line: Tater Tots (-9)

 

The Analysis: The Tater Tots just blanket teams with their defense. While Mark Harzynski has lead the offense most of the season, he’ll be absent this week. But never fear, Dylan Jaloza is there to take the reigns, and that almost feels like an upgrade. Part of the reason that defense is so good is the addition of Chris Schuster, according to team captain Dave Marcus. He also credited the addition of Jill Dibble for shoring up the female side of things, and gives credit to Meg Mallon for improving “greatly” this season, AND achieving her goal of getting an interception! Sadly, she broke her hand and will most likely be missing the playoffs. Blitzkrieg should be better than they are. They were more than overdue for a breakout season. They have one of the best females in the division in Allie Metzger (who may or may not be out with an injury) and with Tom and Light Red Hoodie Guy, they were poised to take the next step. And then they just didn’t. But, a 4-5 7^th seed isn’t someone to take lightly, and if you do, BK will 100% make you pay for it.

 

The Prediction: I love me some Blitzkrieg, but the reality of the situation is that I feel like they’re going to struggle to move the ball against this suffocating Tots defense. They won’t be able to keep up. TATER TOTS BY 15

 

#3 TMA (6-3) vs #6 The Bi-Polar Express (4-5)

Points For: TMA – 32.56 (4^th), BPX – 32.67 (3^rd)

Points Against: TMA – 21.00 (2^nd), BPX – 32.56 (6^th)

TSL Rank: TMA -17^th, BPX – 31st

Past Games: TMA 31, BPX 25

Official Line: TMA (-7)

 

The Analysis: When these two teams met, it was in the middle of a rainstorm that washed away an early BPX lead. There’s a nice little rivalry here of course, but nothing really came of it last time, so why now? Well, besides the playoffs. Bi-Polar’s roster is stacked with talent. Jess McAndrew, Cat Peters, Steph Czaja, Emily Belfield, and Rachel Grampp highlight a very, very good roster. These are smart girls that can beat anyone, and we’ve seen it before. TMA feels different this season. While they still have their typically great defense, their offense is finally catching up. It’s nearly impossible for opposing offenses to to get anything going with Val Testa rushing and then trying to force passes into a defense that trots out Nick Primerano, Nick Smith (the tall guy), Rob Rummings, and Rich Turner. It creates lots of turnovers, that’s for certain. The offense has been good regardless if its been Johnny Dio or Ryan Henery throwing the rock. When you have weapons like Brian Ferger and Ron Webber out there, it makes it easier. Not to mention Diana Bernal has developed the best hands in the family. Add in other great complimentary pieces like Lauren O’Brien and Brent McKenzie, and you’ve got one hell of a team there. The biggest thing about TMA this season? There’s no noise or drama coming from them, like there has been in years past. Nobody is getting into arguments or getting heated. They’re just showing up and playing ball. They’re the only team to beat Spinelli’s AND the Tots, and don’t forget that they lost a game to the Woodpeckers in Week 1. They’re even better than they seem.

 

The Prediction: Because I said there wasn’t any attitude or drama, I’m sure we’ll get some this week. This game is going to be a good one, but I’ll take that TMA defense any day. TMA BY 7

 

#4 Travis Henry’s Kids (5-4) vs #5 Graves Bros (5-4)

Points For: THK – 32.56 (5^th), GB – 35.56 (2^nd)

Points Against: THK – 29.67 (5^th), GB – 34.67 (7^th)

TSL Rank: THK – 23^rd, GB – 28th

Past Games: THK 46 – TMA 39

Official Line: Travis Henry’s Kids (-4)

 

The Analysis: THK QB John Langley can absolutely sling it. I’m not entirely sure who he’s slinging it to, but THK has been great this season. I can’t imagine last week was “the norm” now, and it was more of a slip up. Graves Bros hasn’t been great for a month or so it feels. Something just isn’t right, and I think it starts with having Gronk rush. It doesn’t feel like the two girls dropping into coverage is helpful, and teams are more than likely exploiting that mismatch. Graves can chuck it on offense, that isn’t the problem The problem for them is stopping anyway.

 

The Prediction: This is a matchup of two teams on a slide. The difference, as I said, is that one did it for one week and the other has been doing it for a month now. It’s amazing to see Graves Bros go from title contenders to first round playoff exiters, but here we are. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 7

 

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. Will it rain? After gloating about how great the weather has been, it seems the forecast in Buffalo is looking like it has a chance to rain a bit. Here’s hoping it doesn’t, as I’d hate for the playoffs to be decided by the weather.

 

2. Who will be allowed to use the Eggplant from now on? THE 3^RD AND SCHLONG VS NOT SO STICKY EGGPLANT BOWL SPONSORED BY BS BROTHER IS AT 4:00. The loser has to change their logo. I love it.

 

3. Who has the most pressure on them this Saturday? The answer is Public Enemy. They lost to Why So Serious last week, missed out on the bye, and now they’ll be missing players this weekend? If this is the end of the “Chris Cole Era”, as is rumored, this would be the worst way for it to end.

 

4. Who has the best “upset” potential Saturday? Cobblestone upsetting the Jabronies would not shock me at all given the circumstances. If that isn’t good enough, All We Do Is Quinn rallies to take out Frodo Swaggins and shocks the TSL world.

 

5. Which #1 seed has the best chance of losing this weekend? Itches and Ohs only beat TOX by one point this season, and with TOX getting their entire team back for this game, there’s a good chance at an upset.

 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. The best games to watch each hour:

               9:00 – Peanut Butter Kelly Time vs The EMigos

               10:00 – Public Enemy vs Why So Serious

               11:00 – A&A vs When Dove Cries

               12:00 – Grey Hair vs The Untouchaballs

               1:00 – Buffalo Vice vs Practice Squad

               2:00 – Zack Attack vs University Wealth Management

               3:00 – ILF vs The Bambs

               4:00 – 3^rd And Schlong vs Not So Sticky

 

2. Breakfast Club Predictions:

               Peanut Butter Kelly Time 35, The Emigos 32

               Great White Clarkes 46, Keller Whales 22

 

3. Absolute Shout Out to the TSL and raising over $2000 for Garrett Beesing’s sister for her MS Walk. As a result, Garrett will be shaving his head on the fields either this weekend or next!

 

4. My Predictions for the Champions: Tight Ends In Motion, Losing Streak, Frodo Swaggins, Buffalo Vice, Puckett All-Stars, TMA

 

5. Gender team with the best chance to win a title: Cunning Stunts

 

6. Thank you to the many, many, many of you that reached out with an email about your team this week. I hear from a good chunk of you regardless, but it was nice to hear from some newer teams! If you want me to talk more about your team just email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. .

 

7. Please remember that this is indeed the playoffs, but to keep your heads. Referees will be calling things how they see fit and they won’t let more stuff “go” just because it’s playoffs. Don’t cheat. Don’t get mad.

 

8. Remember to brush up on your “playoff overtime rules” as well. That goes for teams AND refs.

 

9. The magic of Day 1 of the playoffs is always the shocking surprises we didn’t see coming. I’m excited to hear about what those end up being. We never go “chalk”.

 

10. Congrats to Jeff Krol and Christine Krol on their second wedding last Saturday. Granted, they don’t count as a “TSL-caused” marriage, but we’re pretending we did it anyway!

 

 

THE RACE FOR SOCIAL CO-ED FOOTBALL IMMORTALITY OFFICIALLY BEGINS RIGHT NOW.

 

GO GET IT. THIS IS WHAT YOU SIGNED UP FOR. HAVE FUN!

 

-GF

The Final Picks

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 25 June 2021 17:24

Published: Friday, 25 June 2021 17:24

Written by Super User

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LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THE TSL UNIVERSE: WE’RE HERE!

 

The final chapter of the journey that has been the TSL Spring season begins at 9:00am this Saturday, June 26^th, in the Year of Our Lord 2021. For only 26 of our 60 teams, the journey that began in April has brought them to today. A season full of thrilling wins, heartbreaking losses, new superstars to the league emerging, and old superstars making what could be their last stand culminates on the fields this weekend for Championship Saturday.

 

Only 7 teams will gain Social Co-Ed Football Immortality. Even if they never win a single game for the rest of their lives, they’ll always be a TSL Champion.

 

But the question remains: Who will those teams be?

 

I decided to go a different route for this week’s article. Since Topper pays the entire QB Power Rankings Committee the same amount as they do me, I think it’s unfair that they get to take the playoffs off while I sit here in my log cabin, sipping coffee, having to do more work for an article the league cares about way more. So, I emailed them exactly that:

 

“Committee, 

 

I know you guys don't like to work during the playoffs, but i was hoping one or two of you would be potentially be interested in going over the games we have left and chatting about your thoughts on the games and story lines we have heading into the final week of the TSL Spring 2021 season? 

 

Let me know if that interests you, 

 

-GF’

 

Without fail, they jumped at the offer. What transpired was a fun conversation for each division, and that pretty much covered all of the fun and storylines that is Championship Saturday.

 

So without further ado, let’s get to it:

 

D1:

 

Last Week’s Games:

#3 Public Enemy 48, #6 Why So Serious 30

#4 Sticky Bandits 30, #5 Sloppy Seconds 18

 

            Absolutely nothing of note happened last week. All of the fun that was “Public Enemy is going to lose to Why So Serious” was stopped pretty quickly, and Sticky had next to no issues with Sloppy. It’s boring, its chalk, but it gives us the best possible matchups this week.

 

This Week’s Games:

#1 Tight Ends In Motion vs #4 Sticky Bandits (+18)

#3 Public Enemy vs #2 Eyes Downtown (+8)

 

The Setup: The top 4 seeds in D1 get ready to battle for supremacy. Interestingly enough, the #3 seed is a decent sized favorite over the #2 seed.

 

The Conversation:

 

PR: “Our own objective models (based only on math and not on "feelings" or "hunches") would suggest that each team has the following chance of winning their division:

TEIM: 52%

Public Enemy: 23%

Eyes Downtown: 20%

Sticky Bandits: 5%

 

Obvious storylines are the Baker Bowl (TEIM has dominated both regular season matchups... but are they looking ahead to Public Enemy?) and PE vs ED, who have played only one game against each other this session, and it was a close one.  How is Katie Salisbury's knee?  Who's showing up for PE?  Who's showing up for ED?? (they have at least SOME player overlap with TopShot who plays at the same time)”

 

 

GF: “It’s amazing that you nailed the fun story lines, but avoided the biggest one:

 

The impending “Last Rodeo” for Chris Cole. If the whispers are true, this could be it for Cole, and spell the end for one the TSL’s greatest franchises. I’m sorry, I just cant imagine a world where they go out against ED.

 

No, this has to be PE vs TEIM, and either there’s an official torch passing, or TEIM lives their lives knowing they never beat Chris Cole when it mattered.

 

My predictions might be different than yours, but here you are:

 

TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 13

PUBLIC ENEMY BY 7”

 

PR: “How could we miss the Chris Cole retirement angle?? We've heard the rumors of course, but on some level we just don't believe it.  Yes, families are a great reason to retire, but FEW retire on top while they're still winning.  Is it known what will happen to Public Enemy, win or lose, if Cole does ride off into the sunset?  Is this setting up Tommy (or the TSL's 39th ranked QB Mike Boccio) to take over, or does Public Enemy just disintegrate (and Bobby tries to poach all their best athletes)?

 

It's hard to predict anything BUT Tight Ends in the finals, but we DON'T think Public Enemy is a lock.  This isn't the P.E. of 2019 or even 2020.  Everyone expects them to just snap into "playoff mode" but hasn't Eyes Downtown been in Playoff mode for months?  They've lost to PE by a score, they were the only team to beat TEIM, and they're a weird Sticky Bandits loss away from running the table against everyone else.  We'll disagree and say it's TEIM vs ED for the title, and the TSL's #1 ranked QB is winning that game.”

 

GF: “The best storyline of the offseason in any division will be what happens to PE if Cole does retire. With Travis essentially announcing he was leaving A&A (to the surprise of nobody) to start a different team, there's no doubt in my mind that he's aggressively pursuing most of the PE roster, which apparently happens most offseasons anyway. There were also whispers that the Joey Batts game in the middle of the season was the beginning of a tryout of sorts. That particular game went horribly, but I didn't hear that it was a dead idea. 

 

We both think TEIM will get to the finals, albeit against different opponents. But we both think Tight Ends will claim their first D1 title. All this really means is that they probably won't.” 

 

 

Well, there you have it. I have Tight Ends vs Public Enemy, the Committee has Tight Ends vs Eyes Downtown. Either way, we’ll get a very fun (and thrilling!) D1 final.

 

 

D2:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

#8 Bullet Club 28, #1 Peachy Platoon 18

#2 Losing Streak 45, #7 Slytherin That End Zone 20

#6 XTC 36, #3 Mountain Dew Me 30 (OT)

#5 When Dove Cries 34, #4 A&A 31

 

            D2 does it again! The most unpredictable division we have gives us a slew of upsets. Scotty Dro works his magic on both sides of the field to lead Bullet Club to an upset of Peachy Platoon. Losing Streak has no issues with SITE as they ran all over them, putting them out of their misery. XTC stunned MDM in overtime, as a late injury to Joey Batts played a role in the victory. Finally, Topper magic reigned supreme as WDC beat A&A in a close contest.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

#2 Losing Streak vs #8 Bullet Club (+11)

#6 XTC vs #5 When Dove Cries (+4)

 

 

The Setup: Another division where a lower seed is favored over a higher seed here with XTC getting the nod over WDC. Losing Streak is a double digit favorite in a division where someone else took out their toughest competition last weekend.

           

 

The Conversation:

 

PR: “

Losing Streak: 51%

When Dove Cries: 26%

XTC: 18%

Bullet Club: 5%

 

Bullet Club took down the longest winning streak in the League last week, which means the new longest winning streak belongs to... Bullet Club's opponent this week.  XTC and WDC both SEEM to be at full strength right now unless Dubey pulls a disappearing act again.  D2 has more parity than each team's record suggests, so not crazy to expect either of these two teams to make a run (no one thought Dilfs vs BC or Sticky vs SITE was going to headline either of the last two D2 finals, but that's what happened)”

 

GF: The biggest story line is still Losing Streak being a “Game On” team but doing much better than anyone thought a Game On team could do in the TSL. They have to be the favorites for sure.

 

WDC is the sleeping giant though. Topper hasn’t had his entire team most of the season, and while Losing Streak may be faster, WDC has the knowledge AND they’re just as tall. Plus, WDC has a gender advantage I’d say. It’s close of course though.

 

Considering my brain didn’t even think to talk about Bullet Club or XTC, that gives me all I need to know about them this week.

 

 

Losing Streak by 17

When Dove Cries by 10”

 

PR: “Is Losing Streak still a "Game On" team?  Yes, that's their past, but can't we call them a TSL team now?  Semantics, we know.  They're the clear cut favorites now thanks to, oh, every other top tier D2 team unexpectedly losing last week.  We thought A&A, Mountain Dew Me and Peachy would all be in the mix this week and they're not, so what do we know?  Upsets happen.  We're going Losing Streak vs XTC in the finals, for a narrow Losing Streak win.”

 

GF: “They're not still a "Game On" team, no. Losing Streak is more than a TSL team nowadays, win or lose this Saturday. I still think you're discounting WDC, but that's okay. 

 

Yet another finals where we have the same champion over different opponents. Welcome to Social Co-Ed football immortality, Losing Streak.”

 

 

While I predicted Losing Streak to beat When Dove Cries, the Committee goes with XTC. They’re wrong, but its okay. Personally, I think there’s a very good chance that WDC can win the title, but what do I know?

 

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

#1 Top Shot 50, #8 Vaspian 6

#7 All We Do Is Quinn 36, #2 Frodo Swaggins 28

#3 Grey Hair Don’t Care 32, #6 The Untouchaballs 29

#5 Wolfpack 22, #4 The Angels 18

 

 

            Top Shot did TS things, cool. How about AWDIQ? Even if this isn’t the season they wanted to have, you know they’re happy knocking out a rival like Frodo, and they have their sights set on Top Shot. Wolfpack needed an assist from the referees to take down The Angels, but that doesn’t mean they haven’t been playing very well for months now. Finally, Grey Hair overcame a 22 point deficit to win their matchup with Untouchaballs thanks to Connor Von making his dad proud with a 40 yard catch with under a minute left before Dave Eickhoff found Xavier Williams for the winning score.

 

 

This Week’s Games:

#1 Top Shot vs #7 All We Do Is Quinn (+17)

#5 Wolfpack vs #3 Grey Hair Don’t Care (+5)

 

The Setup: Top Shot is far and away the best team, but is Quinn able to reclaim their form from recent seasons and shock the world again? Somehow, the committee’s lines have 3 straight lower seeded teams favored over a higher seed. Wolfpack vs Grey Hair could be one of the best games of the day.

 

The Conversation:

 

PR:

Top Shot: 77%

Grey Hair: 9%

Wolfpack: 8%

Quinn: 6%

 

The only thing that interests us here is whether Top Shot performs the way they're supposed to, or if the pressure of being front runners makes them implode.  Every metric says they should win, and Garrett's no longer around to trip them up (unless he wants to ref, maybe).  Outside of TopShot we see tremendous parity as the other flawed contenders are all fine, but they need to play their best games to win this week.”

 

GF: “Frodo disappointing the entire league by losing too early (and not even being the biggest upset of the day last week) hurts this division. Even 77% feels too low.

 

BUT, you’re right. Top Shot loses some talent thanks to the D1/D3 games being played at the same time (unless, wouldn’t it be fun if Eyes Downtown lost talent to Top Shot?). That could mean upset, and give TS the excuses they’ll need if they don’t win.

 

Quinn reminded us just how good they can be last week. Is that a final curtain call moment?

 

Grey Hair and Wolfpack have been playing some EXCELLENT football lately. I want them to be slept on. It’s a shame they play each other.

 

Top Shot by 11

Wolfpack by 7”

 

PR: “Weren't there rumors of Quinn disbanding after last season?  They probably wish they had given how this season went for them.  We think they're done.  Not "disband as a team" done, but "never getting past Top Shot" done.  TopShot should have been a D2 team this session.  We can applaud them for how well they've done, or we can point out that they were cowards for putting such a talented team in a division too low (both things can be true).  Wolfpack is making the Finals here... where they'll lose to TopShot.”

 

GF: Quinn has been "breaking up" for what feels like 3 seasons now. I'm glad they haven't yet, but i'm not sure there's a lot of magic left there for another upset. We're in the same exact boat here:

 

Top Shot takes it over Wolfpack.”

 

The PR Committee and I see D3 playing out the same exact way this season. Thrilling stuff here.

 

 

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

#1 Itches and Ohs 61, #8 TOX 31

#2 Jabronies 39, #7 Cobblestone 20

#6 Freeballers 47, #3 Cunning Stunts 25

#5 Practice Squad 15, #4 Buffalo Vice 12

 

            Itches and Ohs waltz to an easy victory over TOX, and the Jabronies do the same even with a backup QB in for last week as they beat Cobblestone. The Freeballers take advantage of the injured Joey Batts and beat the Stunts. Practice Squad puts on a defensive clinic, holding Buffalo Vice to 12 points in an exciting win.

 

This Week’s Games:

#6 Freeballers vs #1 Itches and Ohs (+5)

#5 Practice Squad vs #2 Jabronies (+3)

 

The Setup: In a very tight division, BOTH lower seeds are favored against the 1 and 2 seeds. D4 is a scrambled mess, and any of these teams can walk away as the champion.

 

The Conversation:

 

PR:

“Practice Squad: 32%

Jabronies: 28%

Itches: 22%

Freeballers: 18%

 

The 1 seed isn't the "favorite" for us here, as we think Practice Squad is the most complete team.  Jabronies might have a higher ceiling, but we never know who's going to show up for them.  Freeballers has the biggest X factor with Sean, and Itches has proven they can win close games as they've been doing it all season.  This should be the best semi-finals left, as we think any team can beat any other team (Jabronies beat Freeballers beat Itches who beat Practice Squad who beat Jabronies in the regular season)”

 

GF: “D4 stole the mantel of “most competitive division from D2” for like half a season there (until the 5, 6, and 8 seeds won in D2), but these 4 teams plus Buffalo Vice were why.

 

I just keep staring at my screen seeing “Buffalo Vice: 12” from last week, and I still remain so impressed with what PS did on defense last week.

 

I wanted to go with Itches here, but I just can’t. They’ve played mostly shorthanded, but it’s so incredibly hard to wipe “51-0 and they quit early” against the Ballers out of my brain. Sometimes teams just have another team’s number. Add into the fact that Steve Moser even said on the podcast that he doesn’t think they can win, or at least he gave that impression, and it’s night night for Itches I think.  

 

Jabronies have been the under the radar team for the entire season, and it’s hard to argue how good they really can be when they’re at a full staff. But to be honest, they’ve been very good even shorthanded all season. They really just need Miano to QB and they should be fine.

 

Jabronies by 6

Freeballers by 13”           

 

PR: “We're fully prepared to be 100% wrong about every D4 prediction.  And why not?  You're right, it WAS the most competitive division this year, barely ahead of D2 (or last Fall's D6, remember how tight that was?)  Itches won a bunch of games we thought they wouldn't, and we believe their luck will run out eventually.  Freeballers looks SO good at times, and that 51-0* win is impossible to ignore.  Jabronies vs Practice Squad is such a coin toss.  People know these are two great teams right?  Practice Squad seems to have better attendance so we favor them slightly.  Heck, we'll pick them to win the whole thing over Freeballers too, why not?”

 

GF: I rolled a bunch of Yahtzee dice to make this prediction and it still didn't help. I'm so intrigued to hear about who actually wins these games. If i had your prediction of Freeballers vs Practice Squad, i'd take the Freeballers. 

 

But, i have Jabronies vs Freeballers, and I've decided that I'm going to go with the Jabronies.”

 

Finally, we have differing opinions on a division, and it’s only natural that it’s the most open division we have left. We both have the Freeballers in the final, and we both have them losing in it. The Committee takes Practice Squad, and I’m taking the Jabronies as your D4 champions.

 

 

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

#1 Breast Friends 66, #8 Show Me Dem TDs 46

#2 Zack Attack 27, #7 University Wealth Management 16

#6 Wasted Potential 32, #3 Puckett All-Stars 12

#4 ILF 44, #5 The Bambs 12

 

            Breast Friends finally get to play a game together and they just simply dismantled SMDTDs. Zack Attack properly got revenge on UWM after the big upset win a few weeks ago. Wasted Potential shocked the TSL world with the biggest upset of the day in a 32-12 win over the heavily favored Puckett All-Stars. ILF overcame an early score from the Bambs to walk to an easy win.

 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

#1 Breast Friends vs #6 Wasted Potential (+8)

#2 Zack Attack vs #4 ILF (+14)

 

The Setup:  The final gender team standing looks to take the D5 title. Can Wasted Potential pull another huge upset? Zack Attack gets ILF who will be down Dave Baker at QB, assuming that Tight Ends wins against Sticky Bandits. Looks like a crash course of the top two seeds here.

 

The Conversation:

 

PR: “

Breast Friends: 35%

Zack Attack: 30%

Wasted Potential: 25%

ILF: 10%

 

Wasted Potential beating Puckett All-Stars last week was a big surprise for us.  At this point it FEELS like Breast (last remaining gender team!) vs Zack in the finals (offense vs defense) but Wasted Potential could surprise us again.  We liked ILF during the season, but the schedule says D1 Finals play at the same time as D5 Semis, so ILF is more than likely going to be without Dave Baker at QB.  No word yet on who their sub is, but until we know that we can't give ILF very good odds.”

 

GF: “WP’s big win was clearly the shock of the day, but good for them! You already nailed the biggest story: The last remaining gender team is the favorite for D5.

 

It’s a weird world without the Angels and Stunts battling it out on Championship Saturday, but hopefully the Breast Friends can fill that void.

 

Even if ILF magically (and I mean actual magic must be involved for Sticky to beat TEIM) gets Baker to play QB, then they lose Kicak on defense, where he really excels. Just a run of bad luck for ILF.

 

And it’s funny, because nobody is talking about Zack Attack like they didn’t dominate the entire division all season before they had to forfeit and miss games.

 

I weirdly expect two blow outs in the first set of games.

 

Breast Friends by 16

Zack Attack by 17”

 

PR: “You raise a good point - we DID all collectively forget how good a season Zack Attack had.  They were a little one-dimensional leaning heavily on their defense, but there's nothing wrong with that, it should be good enough to get by a short handed ILF team.  ILF created 75% of their magic on offense by Baker scrambling around and making a ridiculous throw on his third lap around the field.  We don't think whoever starts at QB on Saturday will be able to make the same type of plays.  And you're right about Breast Friends, they seem destined for the Finals right now, especially with Puckett's season surprisingly over.  We'll take Breast Friends over Zack in the Finals.  Zack's defense is great, but a scrambling Travis / talented all-female receiver combo is a different animal, and we're not sure Zack's offense can keep up.”

 

GF: “
We both forsee the same final here, which i enjoy. A gender team in the finals is always a good thing! I'm going back and forth on this one a lot, but in the end, i'm going to go against you here. 

 

I'll take Zack Attack's defense figuring out how to stop the BFs and they'll take D5.”

 

We both foresee a Zack Attack – Breast Friends final but have differing champions. Either way, both teams should move up to D4.

 

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

#1 Spinelli’s Plumbing 44, #8 Lenny’s Ladies 0

#2 Tater Tots 36, #7 Blitzkrieg 6

#3 TMA 42, #6 The BiPolar Express 17

#4 Travis Henry’s Kids 44, #5 Graves Brothers 32

 

            The Top 4 seeds in D6 proceeded to move on in the playoffs, giving us one heck of a Final Four for D6. None of them were really in trouble as they all handled their first round matchups pretty easily.

 

This Week’s Games:

#1 Spinelli’s Plumbing vs #4 Travis Henry’s Kids (+9)

#3 TMA vs #2 Tater Tots (+3)

 

The Setup: Spinelli’s ridiculous offense has them poised to make the finals in what is seemingly a three team battle for the title, with Travis Henry’s Kids hanging out. TMA continues the tradition of lower seeds being favored over a higher ranked team. I can’t argue it, these top 3 teams are very close.

 

The Conversation:

 

PR: “
Spinellis: 35%

Tots: 25%

TMA: 24%

THK: 16%

 

The best four D6 teams are all still here as there were no upsets in this division's quarterfinals.  We once thought it had to be Spinelli's vs Tots in the finals, but now we're not so sure.  TMA and THK are solid teams.  Our money is still on Spinelli's but we don't think it'll be easy for them.”

 

GF: “
 

Man D6 is awesome. You know, we keep talking about Tots/Spinelli’s, but more and more I keep thinking and hearing about TMA. If we switch the Woodpeckers debacle for an easy blowout win over Juiced, they sit at 7-2 and they’re the 2 seed. Spinelli’s beat Tots, but TMA beat them both. Why can’t they do it again?

 

I like what THK has done in their first season here in the TSL but losing their last two games still sticks in my mind that they’re not quite ready yet.

 

TMA by 6

Spinelli’s Plumbing by 10”

                                                   

PR: “You nailed it on TMA.  They weren't one of the two 7-1 teams remaining at the end of the season so they flew under the radar a bit, but they really were JUST as good as the other two.  Tots has that absurd defense, Spinelli's has the absurd offense, but TMA seems like a pretty balanced squad.  Good enough to make the finals, maybe not good enough to win it though.  Spinelli's wins and moves up to D5 next session, TMA's day in the sun has to wait another season.”

 

GF: “You have Spinelli's and TMA as do I. Both teams have been very, very good this season. The more I look at it, the more i think everything favors Spinelli's. I'm not certain TMA can run with them. But, i spoke highly enough of them for a few weeks now that I'll just stick to my guns. I've picked TMA for years now, only to be constantly let down. What can I say? I'm a Buffalo sports fan, regardless of living in Des Moines nowadays. Maybe I just like pain, but, I'll take TMA.”

 

Yet another scenario where we end up with the same finals, but differ on who’s going to win the title. Committee takes Spinelli’s, I take TMA. Congrats Tater Tots on your title.

 

Five Questions For Saturday:

 

1. How does a forecast of morning rains affect each team's chances?  Does it favor teams with great defenses like Zack Attack or Tots if receivers can't catch the few opportunities they get?  Or does it not matter?

 

Rain affects both teams. Defenses will slip in the mud, so will the receivers. Honestly, it affects the QB’s the most, and I’ll always favor the teams with the better QBs in those games.

 

2. Is Great White Clarke's capable of losing a game?  We don't see it happening

 

Very much so. They were in danger of losing in the first round of the playoffs against Steph It Up A Notch AND last week against the Keller Whales. Both times GWC had to score late to seal the deal. There’s no guarantee they do that every time. Plus, it’s an odd year, so Topper should shine brighter than ever.

 

3. Will the bar scene still be awesome this week with only half the league's teams still in contention?

 

The bar scene is always awesome, even during Championship Saturday. A lot of teams show up to drink and watch the games even if they don’t play. People don’t like saying goodbye for the offseason, so they get every ounce of fun out of the TSL. Plus, Topper usually gives the winners their champagne and that attracts more bar goers.

 

4. Who will be the lowest seeded champion that shocks us all and makes us say "we can't believe THOSE guys won?"

 

GF - Bullet Club. They have the knowledge, talent and the QB to do so. They’ve done this before as a low seed, and if they beat Losing Streak and then XTC/WDC, we’d be amazed much more than anyone else doing it outside of Sticky Bandits.

 

PR - Our pick for Lowest Seeded Champion to shock us all would be Practice Squad if we were allowed to count them as a "low seed" but, yeah, everyone in D4 is like 1a, 1b, 1c etc so that feels like a cop-out.  Bullet Club is a great choice having just knocked off Peachy Platoon, but we're going to go Wasted Potential as our best chance for an upset champion.  Beating Puckett was HUGE, and the only remaining D5 top seeds ARE flawed teams (Breast Friends have barely played together with their forfeits, Zack Attack doesn't play offense, ILF won't be at full strength).

 

 

 

5. Who is the Godfather's sleeper team that he thinks has the biggest chance for an upset this week?  Who is his most overrated?

 

GF - For biggest upset, I think it’ll be somebody wearing red. That leaves Eyes Downtown, Wasted Potential I think, and Travis Henry’s Kids.

 

For my most overrated? I’m starting to think its Tight Ends In Motion. That doesn’t mean they aren’t good, but are they as good as people are acting? Are they really this slam dunk? Hmm.

 

PR - For a most Overrated team, we'll say Public Enemy?  Again, not because they aren't great (they are) but because people are affording them a God-like status that they haven't earned THIS SEASON.  Yes, they've proven it many times in the past, but every other team we're evaluating based on what they've done lately.  Why does Public Enemy get the benefit of the doubt based on championships they've won in prior years?  They almost lost the title game to TEIM last year, and their last championship win was a year before that.  How long has it been since this team looked dominant?  They're good, they're great, but "overrated" based on their play this season.

 

 

ONE BONUS QUESTION FOR SATURDAY:

 

PR – “We'll throw one more question at you to add to the list here: we at the QB Power Rankings obviously focus a lot on Quarterback play, but who do you think the most critical non-QBs are in the final rounds of each division?  We've got our own ideas, but no one knows better than the Godfather”

 

GF – “I love this bonus question. Let’s get at it.

 

D1 - Adrian Cannon, Eyes Downtown - Adrian has been lights out for Eyes Downtown most of the season. For your prediction of ED to beat PE, he's going to have to have a fantastic game on both sides of the ball. If he's on fire, there's a chance ED could even make the finals a game. 

 

D2 - Drew Colosimo, When Dove Cries - For my world where Topper's team wins D2, Drew has to be EVERYTHING and more for WDC to beat Losing Streak. Just his presence on the field makes everyone else around him better, including Mr. McGovern. 

 

D3 - Blase LaDuca, Top Shot - No, it's not for his stellar play. Blase is a fine player, but historically he's affected his OWN team by freaking out on the field when things go wrong. With Adrian more than likely not playing for TS, they need to rely on others to do the work, and if Blase loses his mind and takes his own team off their game as he has in the past....Uh Oh. 

 

D4 - Kyle Geertman, Practice Squad - He was a big reason (i'm assuming) that Buffalo Vice barely scored. Kenny Lantz emailed me midseason to sing Kyle's praises on the defensive side of things. If he's on his game, well, we saw what happens last week in their win. 

 

D5 - Eric Pochylski, Wasted Potential - I've heard a LOT about this guy this week in the emails sent to me from the WP Captain MaKensey Pietz , on the podcast, and in The Sentinel. So far be it from me to avoid mentioning the stand out player (on both sides of the ball) for this squad who had the biggest upset of the weekend last week. Can he do it again? 

 

D6 - The Ladies of TMA, TMA - If TMA is going to make me right on my prediction, it'll be on Light Val, Diana, and Lauren to make some plays. I think the guys are all the same across the board, but with Spinelli's down Katie Swanson again, I think, they'll be counting on Chelsey Lapore, Audrey Enzien, and Kaely Kwitek to do the damage. But if the TMA girls can step it up on both sides of the ball, it'll make my prediction a lot closer to a reality. I feel like the guys match up evenly, but with Valerie being one of the league’s top rushers, Diana catching nearly everything thrown her way, and Lauren being the perfect compliment to both, TMA can safely claim they have the best group of females left in D6. Now, its just up to them to play like it.

 

PR: “most fun part will be a few days from now realizing we were entirely WRONG, and someone we didn't even consider ended up being the X factor that swung a championship game.  Ah well.  As of right now, these are who we think are the most important "non-QB" players in each division: 

 

D1 - Sean Weisensal, Eyes Downtown - He's always good for an insane play or two.  We expect both Eyes Downtown games to be close, and a game changer like Sean seems like a good choice here.  Runner-up: Dave Baker, for similar but strangely opposite reasons for why you highlighted Blase in D3.  While Blase is the one you think will freak out when things go wrong, Dave is the one we expect to keep CALM when something inevitably goes wrong for Tight Ends and keep that group sane and focused and making sure they don't implode.

 

D2 - Every girl on When Dove Cries.  Drew is phenomenal, it's true.  But Losing Streak is stacked with male talent, so no team is going to have the edge on them there.  Topper's advantage has to be his girls, and that's where he's going to look when he needs an edge.  If Kelly and the Clarkes have a great day collectively, WDC could steal the D2 title from Jordan and Co.

 

D3 - Adrian Cannon, TopShot - this is either the greatest pick we ever made or the dumbest (and have you read our article? we make lots of dumb calls every week).  If he plays for TopShot, they're damn near invincible.  If he doesn't, they're suddenly vulnerable (at least a little).  If that's not an impact player, we don't know what is.  It's not impossible he chooses Blase over Bobby, is it?

 

D4 - Ryan Hogan, Jabronies - When Joe Miano gets in trouble, Ryan's the guy he looks for, and there aren't many athletes in the TSL that can consistently stop this guy.  Every D4 game is going to be settled in the last two minutes, we'd wager a bet on that.  Every team has a player they hope is going to give them the edge in that time, and Ryan might be the most crucial for his team.

 

D5 - Cheryl Julicher, Breast Friends - This team has played like three games this season so we're just guessing Cheryl is their MVP heading into playoffs, but it can't be ALL Travis scrambling around all day for this team to win a championship, someone has to catch it at the end of the day.  We think that the more time Travis buys, the more his smart and experienced receivers will take advantage, and that's got to be Cheryl.

 

D6 - The Ladies of TMA was a great choice and actually the first one we thought of when we posed the question in the first place.  We can't do better than that for the most crucial player(s) in D6.

 

Our hope for this Saturday - 1) no one gets hurt, and 2) close games are not decided by one close call that the losing team blames on the Refs (they're DOING THEIR BEST dammit!)

 

This was an amazing season.  We're ready for some fireworks to close it out.”

 

 

Ten Final Thoughts For Saturday:

 

1. I want to bet on Topper so badly in Breakfast Club, but Great White Clarkes just seem like they’re going to take the title. Hopefully Travis redecorates Topper’s house this time. Clarkes 37, EMIgos 24.

 

2. The Committee touched on this above, but seriously, the refs are doing their best. Freaking out on them isn’t going to help you. Even when they’re horribly wrong.

 

3. The team with the most pressure on them? Top Shot. They’re just the most slam dunk option of the seeds remaining, and its on them to prove it.

 

4. The most forgotten team heading into Saturday? Travis Henry’s Kids. They’re just an afterthought for the “Big 3” in D6. Then again, it doesn’t seem like the Tater Tots are garnering much faith either.

 

5. It really looks like we’ll be having some rain in the early stages of the day tomorrow, which will not only affect some games, but the fields will most likely be softer throughout the day.

 

6. The best games of the day that aren’t championship matchups? Look no further than Grey Hair Don’t Care vs Wolfpack and Jabronies vs Practice Squad.

 

7. I’ve been told that there’s a TSL group trip to Jacksonville for the Bills game in October. There’s about 20 tickets left to sit in the poolside suite for the game (I guess it has a pool and food among other things), so if you’re looking for a fun vacation, perhaps talk to Topper and get a ticket. Some big name TSL celebrities are already confirmed to be going: Topper, Joe K, Matty Ice, and Dave Walter just to name a few.

 

8. Bring white and dark jerseys this week. Nothing is worse than confusion because a team wearing black is playing a team in Dark Blue. Don’t let something silly be the reason you lose a championship.

 

9. Any championship winners are invited to Topper’s house to talk about their win on Sunday for the podcast. Talk to Topper or Joe K for details.

 

10. Have fun. This is what everything we’ve done for the last few months has built up to. Be safe and respectful, and have the best time you possibly can. This weekend is what it’s all about.

 

Good luck on your journey to Social Co-Ed Football Immortality. No matter who wins, it’s going to be earned. Can’t wait to see the results.

 

-GF

 

Week 8 Thoughts, Picks & Stuff

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 11 June 2021 12:58

Published: Friday, 11 June 2021 12:58

Written by Patrick McGovern

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Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, it is with great sadness that I present to you some awful news: This is the last week of the TSL Spring 2021 season. It will be the last week that we’re all together, having a blast, as we race for Social Co-Ed Football Immortality. While the ride has been wonderful and exciting, this is the last week of football for 10 of our 60 TSL teams.

 

               It’s always bittersweet when we get to Week 8. The only way to win that championship, to really cement yourself as TSL royalty, means that the season needs to end too. Once the games are played and the banners are raised, it’ll be a long two months before you trot back onto the hallowed grounds behind the Rose Garden to Alba Fields. (No, they’re not officially called Alba Fields. Especially since Lenny wouldn’t like that name, and would prefer something like “Lenny Land”, which is better anyway.) When that happens, teams will be different. Players will change teams once again. Divisions will get realigned. Woodpeckers will get a new QB. Travis will switch teams because he can never be in the same place for too long. He’s a real. . . Wanderer. People will be husband and wife. Some will have new babies. TSL Life will just be different.

 

               And that’s part of the fun of a football season. Every single session is its own little story, and no two football sessions are ever the same. They’re unique and exciting, chock full of moving parts that will never duplicate the results. That’s why, when you step onto the fields this week, you should cherish the moment, because you’ll never experience it again.

 

               Speaking of cherishing the moment, how great was Lenny and Rameer Day? It was awesome flying into Buffalo last weekend and seeing the TSL in all of its glory. I got to watch some football games, listen to the band for a couple of hours at the bar, listen to people around me talk about how “I heard the Godfather was in town this week, I wonder who he is?” and the speculation began, Cookie and Elmo were there, and everyone was just having so much fun. I was so happy to be there, and yet I was so sad to know that I don’t get the full TSL experience every single week. Okay, maybe it’s jealousy.

 

               But you, Dear Reader, get to spend your Saturday with the greatest extended family you’ll ever have. If you ever doubted that statement when you’ve heard it before, Lenny and Rameer Day should have put any of those doubts to rest.

 

               Thank you to all 60 of our TSL teams. Enjoy the final act of the regular season together.

 

               Now we get into the football part of things. I had Topper clarify the various tiebreaker rules for me this week so I can give them to you:

               1. Points (The 3 for a win, 1 for a tie Pts, NOT Points For or Differential)

               2. Head To Head (Fairly simple. Have the same amount of points as another team, the team that won their matchup is ahead)

               3. If more than 2 teams are tied, it’s ‘Head to Head AND Score Differential against common opponents’. (This is the one that can get weird)

               4. Games Played – Less games played, thus higher winning percentage. (I don’t like this as it could encourage teams to NOT play games, but it’s hard to get through the other tiebreakers anyway)

               5. Score Differential overall

               6. Points For.

 

               Don’t sit there and argue it. It’s not perfect, but these are the options the program gives Topper to choose from. Yes, he actually uses a program and doesn’t just do standings math every week. Shocking, I know.

 

 

D1:

 

Last Week’s Scores:

Tight Ends In Motion 31, Public Enemy 26

Eyes Downtown 42, Sloppy Seconds 31

Sticky Bandits 51, Why So Serious? 16

Eyes Downtown 33, Sticky Bandits 22

 

               Tight Ends beat Public Enemy again, although once again both teams were missing key players. It’s safe to say the FINAL BATTLE between these two will be better when they’re both at full strength for the playoffs. However, don’t look now, but with two big wins last week Eyes Downtown is the team currently sitting in first place in the division. Sticky Bandits continue to get a little better and better every week, and their first ever TSL D1 season will end with them sitting at 4-5. I don’t think they’ve ever been more proud of a sub-.500 record.

 

What’s At Stake: The two byes are up for grabs currently. Even with Eyes Downtown sitting in first, they can be passed by TEIM and Public Enemy if both win this week. Neither should really have a problem doing so either.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Tight Ends In Motion vs Sloppy Seconds (+22) – Ho hum. Another week, another Tight Ends win that should give them the top seed in the playoffs, and avoid that second round date with Eyes Downtown in the playoffs. TIGHT ENDS BY 20

 

Public Enemy vs Why So Serious? (+24) – Same scenario, barring some Pete magic (who gets bad juju for losing his orange breakfast club shirt as he so nicely emailed me about last week) PE should waltz into the bye. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 17

 

 

D2:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Peachy Platoon 41, Bullet Club 16

Mountain Dew Me 41, Passed Our Prime 36

Losing Streak 43, Slytherin That End Zone 28

Mountain Dew Me 34, Scared Hitless 22

A&A 57, Passed Our Prime 56

 

               Peachy Platoon overcame a 16-0 deficit just before halftime to waltz to a win versus Bullet Club, who finds themselves potentially missing the playoffs. Mountain Dew Me had an easy double header, Taking on the bottom teams in the division. Losing Streak continues to show its dominance, and I keep getting emails about how good Ralph Finney really is. Chris Nelson who? Finally, A&A won a WILD one with POP who showed that they can ball with anyone when they actually have a team show up.

 

What’s At Stake: Two teams miss the playoffs. While that has the potential to be exciting, there’s only one spot currently up for grabs. Bullet Club is currently the 8^th seed, at 2-6. Their two wins however are against Scared Hitless and Passed Our Prime, who are in 9^th and 10^th respectively. POP ends up screwing themselves by not playing all 9 games this season (two wins this weekend would’ve given them the playoff spot, which undoubtedly meant that we’d have seen Bloomfield for one day to get those wins) but they’re only scheduled for one. So even if SH or POP win and BC loses, they would lose the Head to Head tiebreakers. However, if BC loses and BOTH SH and POP win, then it gets interesting as the “points differential between common opponents” comes into play. That’s when it’ll get weird. Stay tuned.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

A&A vs When Dove Cries (+8) – Word around the Dunk Tank was that Topper is going to be missing a decent chunk of his female roster this week, which can never be good for anyone. A&A BY 14

 

Peachy Platoon vs Slytherin That End Zone (+16) – Peachy has their eyes on finishing first in the division while Slytherin is really just hoping to get anything going their way this season. It’s been a rough one for SITE, but that’s just how it goes some sessions. PEACHY PLATOON BY 10

 

Losing Streak vs XTC (+12) – Losing Streak is just on a roll. They’re the only team to beat Peachy this season, and they’re a last minute Topper win followed by an A&A loss away from being undefeated. What an absolute great showing from this team in their TSL debut. LOSING STREAK BY 8

 

A&A vs Scared Hitless (+13) – A&A’s second game of the day sees them pitted against Scared Hitless, who is NOT going quietly. Hitless comes out and competes every week, and again, I hope they plan to stay in D2. Things will continue to get better for them. Just not this week, even if this is a playoff game for them. A&A BY 17

 

When Dove Cries vs Passed Our Prime (+8) – Team Topper looks to put POP to rest, but with a down week, POP might bring the house. They’ll know by game time if their playoff hopes are dead or not, but if Scared Hitless pulls off the A&A upset, look out WDC. PASSED OUR PRIME BY 3.

 

Mountain Dew Me vs Bullet Club (+11) – Mountain Dew Me has acclimated so well to D2, and its been great to see. Bullet Club needs to win this game in order to guarantee the playoffs, and for like the 20^th time they’ve been facing off against Joey Batts in this scenario with mixed results. BC will know before the game whether they need to win this one or not. MOUNTAIN DEW ME BY 2.

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Wolfpack 31, AWDIQ 20

Grey Hair Don’t Care 33, The Angels 28

Top Shot 39, Frodo Swaggins 21

The Untouchaballs 38, Frodo Swaggins 25

Top Shot 37, Vaspian 6

 

               Wolfpack with an awesome win over Quinn as they’re really starting to look good lately. Grey Hair took on the Angels for the second time in a couple of weeks and pulled out another victory. Frodo was missing a lot of people for a wedding last week which led to some unfavorable results. The Untouchaballs took home a victory though, which you love to see. Vaspian was without their QB this past week, so there’s not much to say about their performance. And yeah, we get it Top Shot. You’re good at football, not so good at hopping over fences.

 

What’s At Stake: Nothing. Everyone makes the playoffs. Top Shot won the division. Some positioning is there for the playoffs but nothing special.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Top Shot vs Frodo Swaggins (+7) – The best two teams in the division give us a championship preview. A loss by Frodo could drop them down the standings though, which feels weird to think about. TOP SHOT BY 13

 

Grey Hair Don’t Care vs The Angels (+8) – A third matchup between these teams is the magic of the ladder match week. GREY HAIR DON’T CARE BY 6

 

Wolfpack vs All We Do Is Quinn (+1) – Wow. This is essentially the same schedule. It’s weird how that worked out. Quinn needs to wake up. Who are they anymore? WOLFPACK BY 4

 

The Angels vs All We Do Is Quinn (+3) – Quinn is not in the greatest spot and they’re not playing like we’re used to. Then again, neither are The Angels. One of these teams can really use a feel good win right about now. THE ANGELS BY 8

 

The Untouchaballs vs Vaspian (+6) – There’s been some nice growth by both teams here. Not a bad way to end the season.  THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 3

 

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Freeballers 36, TOX 6

Jabronies 46, Woodpeckers 20

Jabronies 32, Buffalo Vice 23

Practice Squad 34, Not So Sticky 7

Itches and Ohs 51, Cunning Stunts 24

Itches and Ohs 37, Not So Sticky 24

 

               So, don’t look now, but Itches and Ohs is the top team in D4 after their dismantling of the Stunts in pretty impressive fashion. For those that look at the standings and don’t understand why they’re on top, here comes the weird 3^rd tiebreaker. Bottom line, they beat the Stunts and everyone else (Practice Squad) lost to them, so they end up on the top. Freeballers cruised against TOX. Don’t look now but the Jabronies are piling up wins and making a name for themselves. They’re way too under the radar even still. Practice Squad dismantled Not So Sticky. But everyone really does that.

 

What’s At Stake: This is another division where two teams miss the playoffs. Sadly, there’s not any real excitement. Not So Sticky already played all of their games to go 1-8 and they’ll miss the playoffs. And even with a Woodpeckers win and TOX loss, TOX wins the tiebreakers. There’s absolutely zero way to predict who’s ending up in what position though. The standings can easily be shaken up this week.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Practice Squad vs Itches And Ohs (+2) – If Itches and Ohs is for real for real, they’ll win this game. I know Steve Moser is on his way to becoming the next great villain in this league, but you can’t take away the results he’s been having with his team. On field attitude can use some work apparently, but let’s take a second to be impressed with how he’s brought his squad to the top. With that said, Practice Squad is still very, very good. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 4

 

Buffalo Vice vs Woodpeckers (+13) – Buffalo Vice could weirdly use a win heading into the playoffs. They’re just 4-2, and they have the double header this week, but it just feels like we haven’t talked enough about them. They’re kind of laying low, which maybe that’s what they want to do. BUFFALO VICE BY 18

 

Freeballers vs Jabronies (EVEN) – This is an awesome game and I have no idea who’s going to come out on top. Give me the team with the better QB. JABRONIES BY 1.

 

Buffalo Vice vs Freeballers (+2) – Same as above. What a hell of a double header for the Freeballers though. They’ve always wanted more respect and I think walking away 2-0 this week could really do that for them. Somehow though, I feel like 0-2 is more probable. Prove me wrong. BUFFALO VICE BY 3

 

Cunning Stunts vs TOX (+18) – TOX might’ve bit off a little more than they could chew in D4. Then again, they’re a few poor Topper throws away from a much better record. Anyway, the Stunts are more than angry about their loss last week to Itches, so I wouldn’t want to be TOX this week. CUNNING STUNTS BY 20

 

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Puckett All-Stars 34, Wasted Potential 33

ILF 32, The Bambs 0

Puckett All-Stars 42, The Bambs 40

Breast Friends 34, Show Me Dem TDs 0

University Wealth Management 37, Zack Attack 8

 

               UNIVERSITY WEALTH MANAGEMENT 37, ZACK ATTACK 8. THAT’S AWESOME. The magic of Lenny and Rameer Day was in full effect with this one as Lenny 100% powered the Kellers to a win. Puckett continues to win, albeit very, very close ones. ILF dominated The Bambs but I had heard there were attendance issues on the Bambs side of things. Breast Friends actually got to play a game, even though Show Me Dem TDs may have been better off forfeiting.

 

What’s At Stake: Nothing. Everyone makes the playoffs. And considering the 8^th seed can beat the 1 seed with no issues now, ANYONE can win this division.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Puckett All Stars vs ILF (+6) – Two closely ranked teams, but Puckett has a slightly better defense. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 3

 

Wasted Potential vs The Bambs (+2) – This is a game that can go either way, but I think Wasted Potential can score a little better here. WASTED POTENTIAL BY 8

 

University Wealth Management vs Show Me Dem TDs (+1) – Hard to not make UWM the favorites here after a huge win. Let’s make it two in a row! UNIVERSITY WEALTH MANAGEMENT BY 3

 

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Blitzkrieg 30, Juiced 6

Tater Tots 22, Graves Bros 20

Travis Henry’s Kids 38, The Bipolar Express 24

The Bipolar Express 19, Lenny’s Ladies 16

Spinelli’s Plumbing 38, Lenny’s Ladies 16

TMA 54, Victorious Secret 8

 

               Blitzkrieg gets back on track with a win over Juiced. It was nice to have Allie email me about how well Light Red Hoodie Guy and Tom played, but it wasn’t nice to hear that she might be sidelined for the playoffs. That can’t possibly help BK to be missing their biggest weapon. Dave Marcus from Tater Tots also emailed me, excited about the Tots first ever win over Graves Bros. He specifically gave Meg Mallon the shout out for her game winning TD catch with less than 2 minutes to go. It was a defensive battle as well. THK just scores, and they did so yet again. TMA just scores, and they did so yet again. BPX went 1-1, as Gordon got a win over Joe K with a late TD throw. Lenny’s Ladies then went out and took an early lead before falling to Spinelli’s.

 

What’s At Stake: Nothing much here either. Two teams miss the playoffs, but the Top 8 have already clinched their spots. Juiced and Victorious Secret will miss the playoff fun.

 

This Week’s Games:

Graves Bros vs Juiced (+13) – I don’t know what’s been wrong with Graves Bros lately, but this is the game that can help cure it. GRAVES BROS BY 17

 

TMA vs Lenny’s Ladies (+8) – TMA is getting a few gender games to prep for the playoffs. They seem locked into a first round matchup with Graves Bros, but with the way GB is playing, that might be exactly what they want anyway. Lenny’s Ladies made the playoffs, and could technically get as high as 5^th seed with a win and some other losses by other teams. That would place them in a first round matchup with. . . . TMA. That’s fun. TMA BY 19.

 

Travis Henry’s Kids vs Blitzkrieg (+10) – Two red teams face off (seriously, someone bring a different color) but THK is just a little better on both sides of the ball here. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 8

 

The Bipolar Express vs Victorious Secret (+7) – A fun Gordon vs Jordan matchup, as these two may have some sort of rivalry. This is a fun gender matchup to close out the season. THE BIPOLAR EXPRESS BY 3

 

Tater Tots vs Spinelli’s Plumbing (EVEN) – The D6 regular season title is at stake here for home field advantage throughout the playoffs. Spinelli’s scores more, but they also allow more points. The points differential is literally 132-130. That’s crazy. Big matchup to end the season. Defense wins championships. TATER TOTS BY 2.

 

Travis Henry’s Kids vs Victorious Secret (+17) – THK is rolling and they’ll be able to put up numbers whenever they want to in this one. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 20.

 

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. Who’s going to shave Garrett’s head? I’ve already heard that we’ve cleared the $2000 plateau! Congrats to everyone that’s donated to a good cause! All bids will be counted throughout Saturday in order to reach the GET GARRETT A TSL TATTOO tier of $5000! If you’re considering donating, please do it by the end of the day on 6/12!

 

2. Who are the teams that people are still sleeping on? I think it’s pretty clear that people aren’t paying enough attention to the Jabronies and Puckett All-Stars.

 

3. Will we have any upsets heading into the playoffs? After the Zack Attack loss, anything is possible. The only real upset would be in D2, if Bullet Club loses and Scared Hitless and Passed Our Prime win. I think technically BC could miss the playoffs even though they beat both teams in the three way tie. Drama!

 

4. Who is going to win the Breakfast Club championship? I know the Great White Clarkes are the heavy favorites, but Topper always has some magic in that noodle arm of his in odd years.

 

5. Even with Boccio as a QB now? Regardless of what you heard, Boccio wasn’t that great. Mr. Thompson bailed him out with his 3 (or was it 4) touchdowns. He made him look good. Brian is still the better overall QB.

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. Let’s make sure we keep things fun and light. I know that playoff spots are on the line, but that doesn’t mean to be jerks to each other. Keep each other safe, thanks.

 

2. Lenny and Rameer Day was so incredibly awesome. The wheel was spun, we had giveaways (shout out to our Bachelorette for getting some cool merch), and the band played even longer! We need more bands!

 

3. Speaking of the Bachelorette, if anyone has any info on the future contestants for me, I’d truly love to know about it.

 

4. Breakfast Club Predictions:

               Robin’s Nest 34, Keller Whales 27

               The EMigos 40, Valkyries 30

               Peanut Butter Kelly Time 28, Drive Me CURRazy 26

               Great White Clarkes 51, Steph It Up A Notch 24

 

5. The Top Games of the Day:

               9:00 – Peanut Butter Kelly Time vs Drive Me CURRazy

               10:00 – Itches and Ohs vs Practice Squad

               11:00 – Puckett All-Stars vs ILF

               12:00 – A&A vs Scared Hitless

               1:00 – Jabronies vs Freeballers

               2:00 – Mountain Dew Me vs Bullet Club

               3:00 – Show Me Dem TDs vs UWM

 

6. Giving an extra shout out here to Garrett Beesing for really stepping up to raise money for such a good cause. His willingness to shave his head and get a tattoo have been impressive.

 

7. The podcast this week was ridiculous with how many people were on it, but I still want to hear from some more new people who haven’t been on. We haven’t even heard from some classic guests like Val Bernal either. Either way, its been a fun listen this season, and I’m glad it’s back. Makes my Monday (or Tuesday sometimes) go faster.

 

8. If you’re willing to referee, PLEASE take a moment to email Topper or Coach Jay to let them know. The more refs we have on standby the better it is for the league!

 

9. I really hope we have Breakfast Club in the fall for once. I know we try to avoid it to save the fields, but it feels like more people enjoy BC than they do their regular teams.

 

10. Excellent work on everyone who did NOT drive home drunk from the bar, be it last week, or any week. And shout out to those that prevented others from doing so as well. This might be the first time we’ve gone through an entire season without the bar hating us for something. Don’t ruin it this week. Be safe.

 

And there you have it. Week 8 is here, and it’s the last time we’ll have everyone at the fields to have a good time together until next season. Enjoy it and have fun. I’ll see you next week. Until then?

 

I’ll be in the cut.

 

-GF.