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TSL Quarterback Power Rankings – Week 2


Let’s start with a warning: This is going to be the worst TSL Quarterback Power Rankings article we’ve ever done.  It’s not our fault, really.  The most interesting thing about any Power Rankings is seeing which teams/players are trending up, and which are trending down.  But what happens when all of your top guys keep winning? 



Here’s our justification for why no one in the Top Ten moves up or down this week (and no, we’re not JUST lazy writers):


Chris Cole #1 has always (literally, always) been the top Quarterback on our chart since the Power Rankings began last Spring.  Let’s be real, he’s not going to finally drop just because he didn’t annihilate Gryffindor.  A win’s a win, and he’s still #1.


Mark Dalfonso #2 didn’t have a game this week, and he’s the reigning D1 Champ with the longest current winning streak in the League.  We can’t imagine him losing ground this week because of a blank schedule.


Matty Ice #3 made his Fall 2019 debut by going 3-0, leading A&A to wins over Energy Buff (34-26) and Peachy Platoon (32-28; we’ll get to this in a minute), and Matty’s Angels to a 64-6 win over Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers.  Undefeated, averaged over 43 points per game, and Matty’s Angels displaces Hofbrauhaus Buffalo as the highest scoring team (per game) in the League.  That checks enough boxes to keep the #3 spot.


Bobby McConnell #4 and Eyes Downtown destroy Bullet Club 44-0 and beat Tight Ends in Motion 36-32.  Can’t move him up, can’t move him down.  Bobby stays at #4 this week.


Dean Thompson #5 was the ONLY quarterback in the Top Ten not to win a game this week, so if we can make the argument for anyone to fall in the Rankings, it’s Dean.  But… it’s not as if his loss wasn’t without some controversy.  Peachy Platoon was winning this game in the final seconds, until Taylor Pagano of A&A made an incredible “catch” to steal the win from the Platoon.  Super dramatic ending to the first game of what could someday be a great rivalry – we’re certain the Sentinel and the newly revived Podcast will do a much better job than us of explaining what a great game this was.  But it doesn’t make sense to penalize Dean for a questionable officiating call against his defense, when he was on the verge of winning his highest profile game to date.  Thompson vs Ice (yes, we know he has a real last name) could meet again in the D2 finals.  Who wouldn’t want to watch that?  Dean keeps his spot in the rankings this week.


Vince Taverna #6 of All We Do Is Quinn crushed Puckett All-Stars 45-14, and then lost a heartbreaker to the Sticky Bandits 39-37.  AWDIQ trailed most of the day against Sticky Nation, but rallied at the end to take a four point lead in the closing seconds of the game.  The comeback was short lived though, as the Sticky Bandits heaved up a Hail Mary that was batted down by a group of Quinners… right into the waiting arms of Dave Baker, who took it in for Sticky’s walk-off touchdown.  The loss knocked AWDIQ from the ranks of unbeaten teams, but won’t knock Taverna down in the QB Power Rankings, as his offense took care of business on their end of the ball.  AWDIQ still lead D3 with 45.5 points per game.


Matt Newman #7 gets the comeback victory for Slytherin That End Zone, and keeps his spot in the Power Rankings as well.  SITE trailed Dilf’s quickly, but made the necessary adjustments and came back to take the 37-36 win.  Slytherin has scored at least 30 points in every game this session, but do they have the firepower to hang with the top three teams in D2?  Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, A&A and Peachy Platoon look like the class of this division, but Newman’s good enough to push SITE into the conversation as well.


Joey Batts #8 had a much better week after his disastrous start to the season.  Gryffindor beat Dilfs 42-38 and ALMOST took one against Public Enemy, falling by a score of 29-28 after failing to convert on a 2-Pt try in the closing seconds.  Cunning Stunts, the reigning D5 champs, made their D4 debut in winning style, crushing Mountain Dew Me 49-22 for their fifth win in a row dating back to last season.  All of this is good enough for Joey to keep his #8 ranking this week… although we’re still waiting for him to win a D1 game.


Patrick “Topper” McGovern #9 is somehow STILL in the Power Rankings Top Ten two weeks into the season.  After dropping 58 points in week one against We Back, Topper scored another 49 against Energy Buff in week two.  This isn’t a “Defensive Power Rankings”, but it’s worth pointing out that Hofbrauhaus Buffalo has given up only 16 points in two games, which makes for a pretty ridiculous +91 point differential.  Eventually Team Topper has to play A&A and Peachy Platoon though… we can’t imagine they will be nearly as easy for the League icon.


Joe Miano #10 gets his first D3 victory, as the Jabronies take down Puckett All-Stars 41-28.  Joe doesn’t have the long history of some of the Quarterbacks ahead of him on these Rankings, but as long as he keeps winning, it’ll be tough to take this spot away from him.




A few other performances worth acknowledging from quarterbacks who haven’t cracked the Top Ten yet this session:


Two of our top three teams in Points Per Game are (unsurprisingly) the rival gender teams Matty’s Angels (64 ppg) and Cunning Stunts (49 ppg), and we’ve already covered Topper’s dominance above (53.5 ppg).  Any guesses on which team is fourth in the League right now in ppg?  Here’s a hint, none of our Top Ten QBs above play for this team.  Ready?  The answer is Over Compensators, the currently 3-0 team in D5 quarterbacked by Larry Chruscial.  No Rick, Larry is STILL not ranked, but being the fourth highest scoring team in the League (second highest non-gender team!) definitely isn’t hurting his cause.


Speaking of the gender teams, the ladies of TSL are absolutely wrecking the stats for everyone else – just take a look at that section below.  Matty’s Angels, Cunning Stunts and The Bipolar Express have the 1st, 3rd and 5th best average margin of victory after two weeks.  We in the Power Rankings heap praise on Matty and Joey every week, but maybe it’s time we show Gordon some love too. 


Who WAS that backup QB for Energy Buff this week?  Josh Burch threw a deep bomb for a TD on his first pass against Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, then promptly got shut out for the rest of the game.  After struggling again against A&A, Energy Buff made a change and put in some backup QB who looked incredible.  If anyone knows his name, please inform TSL QB Power Rankings (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.) and tell us why he doesn’t start every week.  At 0-4, Energy Buff needs a spark, and that guy could be it.


Frodo Swaggins was probably the most improved team throughout the Spring 2019 session, and they’re off to a 2-0 start this season.  Seems like only a matter of time before Scott Drosendahl cracks our Top Ten.



STILL too early in the season to put together any fancy charts about team offenses and defenses that we love so much, but here are a few quick hits on your TSL team leaders after two weeks.  Spoiler alert: Matty’s Angels beating Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers 64-6 in each team’s first game of the season is going to absolutely WRECK both teams average scores below:


  • Best Offensive Team (total points) – All We Do Is Quinn, 182
  • Best Offensive Team (points per game) – Matty’s Angels, 64
  • Worst Offensive Team (total points) – Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, 6
  • Worst Offensive Team (points per game) – Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, 6
  • Best Defensive Team (total points against) – Matty’s Angels, 6
  • Best Defensive Team (points against per game) – Matty’s Angels, 6
  • Worst Defensive Team (total points against) – Energy Buff, 149
  • Worst Defensive Team (points against per game) – Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, 64
  • Best Point Differential (total points) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, +91
  • Best Point Differential (points per game) – Matty’s Angels, +58
  • Worst Point Differential (total points) – Energy Buff, -83
  • Worst Point Differential (points per game) – Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, -58
  • Longest Current Win Streak – Marketing Mayors, 6
  • Longest Current Losing Streak – 3rd & Schlong, 5




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