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"There definitely needs to be water on the sidelines for these players, but I also had some Gatorade just in case they were allergic to the water or vice versa" - John Madden, certified football genius

 

Welcome back to Week Six of the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  Here's what we've got for you this week:

  • QB Power Rankings - Top 20 QBs ranked this week
  • Team Stats - broken out by division this week
  • Stats and Observations
  • TSL QB Power Rankings vs the Godfather

 

QB Power Rankings

 

Here are the Week Six Rankings, with a Bonus #11-20 shown in the chart below.  More movement than usual this week: 

 

 

 

#1 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - Previous Rank (#2)

Last Week:  Beat Slytherin That End Zone 28-14

Why This Ranking is Bullshit:  Seriously?  We're going to push someone into the #1 spot when they haven't played and beaten the previous #1 yet this season?  Cole beat a D2 team in Crossover week, hardly the statement win needed to be #1 in the Power Rankings.

Why It's Not:  Chris has the best record in D1 at 5-0, and he's shown up and won with depleted rosters the last two weeks.  Not enough guys a couple of weeks ago?  No problem, W.  Not enough girls this week?  No problem, W.  The reigning champ show up every week.  Which brings us to #2 in the Power Rankings...

Next Week: Eyes Downtown, Marketing Mayors

 

#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown, The Angels - Previous Rank (#1)

Last Week:  Beat Jabronies 29-28... without Bobby (Eyes Downtown), lost to Buffalo Solar Solutions 40-26 (The Angels)

Why This Ranking is Bullshit:  Bobby is STILL undefeated in D1 this year, and has more PPG than Chris.  How do you lose your #1 ranking with that kind of resume?

Why It's Not:  For starters, skipping your game isn't going to help.  Bobby did show up for the very end of the Jabronies game, which Eyes Downtown ALMOST lost without their star QB.  Attendance matters!  That, along with The Angels losing their first game of the season, is enough to demote Mr. McConnell to the #2 spot for now.  Don't like it?  These two teams play each other at 9 a.m. this week, so we will have a definite answer on who the undisputed king of the TSL Power Rankings is... unless, of course, that game ends in a tie.

Next Week: Public Enemy, Why So Serious? (Eyes Downtown), The Untouchaballs (The Angels)

 

#3 Mark Dalfonso - Marketing Mayors - Previous Rank (#3)

Last Week:  Forfeited their D2 Crossover game against Dilfs

Why This Ranking is Bullshit:  Bobby McConnell gets punished for skipping MOST of a game his team actually WON, and Mark gets a free pass to keep his #3 spot after forfeiting a game?  Who comes up with this bullshit??

Why It's Not:  Well, Bobby was a little different, because he was a 1A with a 1B right on his heels.  There is no one right on Mark's heels.  He seems like the clear #3 in the League right now, and there's no one we're going to push ahead of him just for skipping one game.  We're not happy about the forfeit though, as it costs us the chance to see what Dilfs could have done against a D1 team if they'd moved up after winning D2 last year.

Next Week: Public Enemy

 

#4 Joey Batts - Gryffindor, Cunning Stunts - Previous Rank (#7)

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 52-45 (Gryffindor), beat Freeballers 37-21, Over Compensators 53-42 (Cunning Stunts).

Why This Ranking is Bullshit:  Wasn't Joey ranked 10th just two weeks ago?  Who has Gryffindor beaten this year, besides a D2 team in Crossover week and a winless D1 team that couldn't even win its own D2 Crossover game?

Why It's Not:  Strength of schedule is not working in Joey's favor for Gryffindor, but the fact remains that they are 2-1 in the highest division, and they now have THE highest PPG in D1.  Between Gryffindor and Cunning Stunts, Joey-led teams scored 142 points on Saturday.  28 of the 44 teams in the League haven't even scored 142 points all year.

Next Week: Tight Ends in Motion (Gryffindor), Uncle Rico's Time Travelers (Cunning Stunts)

 

#5 Matt Newman - Slytherin That End Zone - Previous Rank (#4)

Last Week:  Lost to Public Enemy 28-14

Why This Ranking is Bullshit:  For the sake of argument?  Slytherin are 3-1 and averaging 27.3 PPG, and Marketing Mayors are 1-3 and averaging 17.3 PPG, yet Newman sits two spots below Dalfonso.  Unfair?  Yeah, that's a stretch.

Why It's Not:  This is one that we're pretty confident we've got right for the time being.  The highest ranked QB in D2 has the best record in his division and sits behind only four D1 QBs in our Rankings.  He throws a concerning amount of picks, but still, #5 feels about right.

Next Week: Morning Wood, Dilfs

 

#6 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - Previous Rank (#5)

Last Week:  Lost to Gryffindor 52-45

Why This Ranking is Bullshit:  Mike's only losses this year have been to #4 ranked QBs - first Dean, and now Joey.  45 points in his first D1 Crossover game would be good enough to win, if Sticky had bothered to play defense.  We understand ranking him below the D1 guys (especially the one who just beat him head to head) but Sticky is outscoring Slytherin by more than 7 PPG - does Mike really belong behind Newman?

Why It's Not:  Newman's been doing it longer than Mike, so he gets the benefit of the doubt for now.  Sticky can't afford to look ahead to that Slytherin Game, with rivalry games against Jabronies and Bullet Club on their schedule for this week.

Next Week: Jabronies, Bullet Club

 

#7 Alex Buchlis - Tight Ends in Motion - Previous Rank (#9)

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 58-20

Why This Ranking is Bullshit:  Tight Ends in Motion are still winless in D1 play, with their only W coming against a struggling D2 team in Crossover action.  How is that enough to justify Buchlis rising in the rankings at the expense of players like Vince and Scott who ALSO won this week?

Why It's Not:  If you're going to hold TEIM's schedule against them when they win, then you should keep it in mind when they lose too.  Their first two games were against the #1 and #2 ranked QBs in the League - what team WOULDN'T have started 0-2 against that lineup?  (Yes, your team would have lost both games too.  They would have.  Shut up.)  Even with two thirds of their games against D1 powerhouses, somehow Buchlis and Co are only ONE point behind Gryffindor for being the highest scoring offense  per game in D1 right now.  Not bad for a guy that allegedly can't throw a ball more than 15 yards.

Next Week: Gryffindor

 

#8 Vince Taverna - All We Do is Quinn - Previous Rank (#6)

Last Week:  Beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 42-21, beat Untouchaballs 32-28

Why This Ranking is Bullshit:  It's 100% bullshit that Vince drops TWO spots in the rankings this week after going 2-0, including a 21 point win over a previously undefeated Grey Hair - Don't Care squad.  There's no logic that will make this okay.

Why It's Not:  Vince, it's not you, it's... Joey and Alex.  They both scored more points in wins against higher division teams.  You took care of business, but damn, so did they.  AWDIQ has mowed down two of the best teams in D3 this session, AND handed the hottest team in D4 their only loss.  #8 might feel harsh after being #6 last week, but Vince is still the highest rated QB in his division.

Next Week: Scared Hitless

 

#9 Joe Miano - Jabronies - Previous Rank (#10)

Last Week:  Lost to Eyes Downtown 29-28

Why This Ranking is Bullshit:  This might be the single most bullshit Ranking of the season so far.  Jabronies are the single highest scoring offense in D2 right now, yet somehow Miano is the third ranked D2 QB in our Power Rankings?  Plus Joe came within 1 point of beating Eyes Downtown this week!!  Yes, we ALL know Bobby wasn't there and that makes a huge difference, but remember, Bobby doesn't play D.  That team is stacked with defensive talent, and Joe STILL put up 28 points against them.  It's insane that he is ranked this low.

Why It's Not:  The Jabronies are 3-2, but one of those wins came against a Dean-less Platoon, and another win came with Bro Kleckler at QB.  Take them away and Joe is 1-2 with a quality win over Dilfs, and losses to Slytherin and Eyes Downtown.  Jabronies face off against Morning Wood and Sticky Bandits this week - two more wins and it'll be impossible to hold Miano down in the Power Rankings with these weak "who has he beaten" arguments anymore.

Next Week: Morning Wood, Sticky Bandits

 

#10 Scott Drosendahl - Frodo Swaggins - Previous Rank (#8)

Last Week:  Beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 30-24

Why This Ranking is Bullshit:  The highest scoring QB in the League at 44 PPG is the tenth QB in our Power Rankings this week, dropping two spots for BEATING a team that began the day undefeated.  

Why It's Not:  See: Vince Taverna, above.  Higher division QBs with bigger wins displaced Scotty and Vince.  Fair?  Debatable, but to quote a useless expression, "it is what it is".  After dropping the AWDIQ game last week, Scotty's already working on his next winning streak, with En Fuego in his crosshairs this week.  Expect another 40+ points for Swaggins.

Next Week: En Fuego

 

A few quick hits on the QBs on the verge of cracking the Top Ten... but not quite there yet:

 

#11 Brandt Dubey - No, you don't get credit for a "D1 Crossover win" when it comes via forfeit.  Shame on Marking Mayors.  If Dilfs had won an actual game against the #3 QB in the TSL Power Rankings, Dubey would be skyrocketing up the chart right now.  Assuming of course that he was the QB for that game, which is always a question mark with Dilfs. 

 

#12 Tim Zielinski  - Uncle Rico's Time Travelers go 1-1 this week with a 44-30 win over Family Feud and Some Dudes (hey, the Godfather was right about our line on this game being too high) and a 44-28 loss to Buffalo Solar Solutions.  Tim is still the highest scoring nongender team QB in D4, a division where offense is king and defense is apparently nonexistent.

 

#13 David Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care began the day undefeated with games scheduled against the two best teams in D3 and a chance to firmly take over #1 in their division standings.  They finished the day with two losses and a negative point differential on the season to date, proving that they're not QUITE in that top tier of great teams in their division yet.  Eickhoff is better than he gets credit for, but he's still chasing Vince and Scotty in the Power Rankings for a reason.

 

#14 Pete Nguyen - Why So Serious was the only D1 team to play and lose to a D2 team in Crossover Week.  Morning Wood are no slouches, but to only put up 16 points in a lower division game?  The rough start for WSS continues, and they don't seem likely to turn it around this week with a game against Eyes Downtown.

 

#15 Andy Clark - D4 has been the battleground of gender team superpowers The Angels and Cunning Stunts for so long, it's easy to forget that there are other teams in the division.  The team at the TOP of the standings right now?  Buffalo Solar Solutions at 4-1 after a 40-26 victory over the Angels this week (really 46-26 we're told, but the refs didn't mark the final TD as time expired).  Andy Clark remains undefeated this year for BSS, as their only loss for the season (a Crossover Game against D3's best team, we should point out) was when he was injured way back in Week One and didn't play.  Bobby McConnell, Joey Batts, and Tim Zielinski are all above Andy in our Power Rankings, and he has beaten them all this season.  Andy might be battling Joe Miano for the title of most underappreciated QB in the League right now.

 

#16 Ricky Austin - Ricky's attendance is going to start killing him in the Power Rankings, as Bullet Club continues to ride the QB Carousel with three different starters in four games so far.  Travis filled in for Bullet Club in their D1 Crossover game this week, so nothing to say about Ricky Austin except that he falls in the Rankings due to his many absences.

 

#17 Aaron Ertel  - Is Morning Wood being overlooked here?  They were the ONLY D2 team to play and beat a D1 team in Crossover Week, so why isn't the elusive Aaron Ertel shooting up the Power Rankings this week?  Must be because a) they scored only 18 points in the win, which isn't great, and b) it's tough to know how good Why So Serious actually is until they win a game.  #17 feels about right for now.

 

#18 Blase LaDuca - The Godfather's Pre-Season review of En Fuego: "En Fuego is in D3 for some reason. When we last saw them, they were losing to Cobblestone in the D5 playoffs and crying about it. Somehow that warrants a jump to D3. These are strange times we’re living in. I admire Blase’s trust in his team, but I don’t see them dominating like they did before".  We suppose he was right, in the sense that they're not dominating, but they're also holding their own right now with a 2-2 record after a two division jump this season.  Blase may not be lighting the world on fire yet (En Fuego has the second worst PPG in the division so far) but he's hardly looked out of place in D3 either.  Give them some more time to adjust to the better competition, and En Fuego could be a real contender, if not this season then next.  Beating Frodo Swaggins this week could be the big confidence boost these guys need right now... but coming out on top against Scotty "The Moose" Drosendahl is easier said than done.

 

#19 Cody McGregor - For starters, you're in the wrong division Mountain Dew Me.  You SHOULD be a D3 team.  MDM have the 11th best offense in the League (37.3 PPG) and by FAR the best defense (6.3 PPG).  Add it up, and you've got the #1 Point Differential in the League at 31 PPG... yes, the Dew are winning games by an average of 31 PPG.  The second best team in the League?  The Bambs, at 15.8 PPG.  Mountain Dew Me have been absolutely Baja Blasting their opponents this season, and all of D5 is on Code Red until someone steps up to challenge them.  Yes, those were terrible Mountain Dew jokes, and no, we are not sorry.

 

#20 Darrick Castronova - The Peachy Platoon QB factory has churned out another winner this week, as Darrick Castronova got his first start beating Hofbrauhaus Buffalo 30-17.  We're told that Darrick is the father of Sam Castronova (who got the start for Peachy last week) and that the senior Castronova immediately had a huge game, consistently moving his team down the field and actively getting his girls involved.  For other D2 teams thinking they didn't have to worry about Peachy anymore in the post-Dean era, they may have to think again.  

 

 

Team Stats

 

Here are the full rankings for ALL divisions (broken out separately) for Offense, Defense, and overall Point Differential (+/-).  

 

 

What a nauseating sea of colors.  Oh we're sorry, did we get your team's color palette wrong in the chart above?  Half the league chooses black or blue as their "official" colors, so we had to improvise so everyone didn't look the same.  Why is no one bold enough to choose pink?

 

Also note that while forfeits are shown in the standings above, they're NOT factored into the offense, defense and point differentials we've calculated, as that wouldn't make a whole lot of sense to include.

 

Stats and Observations:

  • Why So Serious is dead last in offense, defense and point differential in D1, and Marketing Mayors is second to last in all three categories even excluding this week's forfeit.  
  • Defense seems to matter more than offense in D1, as the top offenses are middle of the pack in the standings, but the top defenses are #1 and #2 in the division.  Compare that to D2, where the top three offenses are the top three in the standings, and Defense doesn't seem to matter as much.  What does that mean??  We have no idea.
  • All We Do Is Quinn aren't #1 in either offense OR defense in D3, but they're #2 in both categories, and that balance is enough to keep them undefeated.  No other D3 team is in the top three on both sides of the ball.
  • Last week we pointed out that Family Feud and some Dudes had such a commanding lead for "worst defense in the League" that the gap between them and the second worst defense (12.08 PPG) was larger than the gap between the second worst defense and the 22nd worst defense.  Things have improved slightly for the Feud this week, as they've dropped their average points against from 53.8 to 51.8.  Now the gap between them and the second worst defense (10.2 PPG) is only... well, larger than the gap between the second worst defense and the 20th worst defense.  Progress?
  • Cunning Stunts have the 2nd best offense in the entire League at 41.4 PPG... and the 2nd worst defense in the entire League at 41.6 PPG.    Bet the "over" on Stunts games this season.  
  • The Bambs and Mountain Dew Me are the only teams in first place in all categories in their division.  Vaspian, Why So Serious and Intentional Pounding are the only teams in dead last in all categories in their divisions.
  • As the Sentinel pointed out, there are only four undefeated teams left in the League (Public Enemy, Eyes Downtown, All We Do is Quinn, Mountain Dew Me) and four winless teams (Why So Serious, Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, Vaspian, Freeballers).  The winning teams don't have any obvious similarities beyond consistently scoring more points than they give up (that's how you win games folks!), but if you look at the losers, outside of Freeballers a pattern is developing... Drew plays on two of these teams, and Pete used to play on Hofbrauhaus too.  Are they all connected by the Curse of Topper?  TOX would be in this group too if Topper hadn't benched himself this week to break the curse for that team... our former Top 10 QB is just poisoning any team he touches lately.
  • The longest current winning streak in the League belongs, once again, to Public Enemy.  How many do they have?  We're not exactly sure.  At LEAST 7 in a row going back to last year's playoffs, and probably more if they were winning at the end of last Fall's regular season.  It's impossible that any other team has a longer streak, since all of last year's other division champs have lost at least one game this season.  Can someone on Public Enemy let us know so we can get your records right?  Might be a moot point if they lose on Saturday to Eyes Downtown though.
  • The longest current losing streak in the League belongs to either Hofbrauhaus Buffalo or Vaspian, depending on how they finished last year.  We're looking into it, but either way: Drew definitely has the record

TSL Power Rankings vs The Godfather:

 

Finally, each week this season, the TSL Quarterback Power Ranking Committee Analytics Team (TSLQBPRCAT for short) provides betting lines to the Godfather for each game.  We're not sure whose picks have been better on the year (all these stats are exhausting to churn out each week, give us a break) but we DO know the results of last week (excluding games that were cancelled, postponed, or rescheduled and a betting line wasn't provided):

 

TSLQBPRCAT:  18-6 record strictly for picking winners

Godfather:  15-9 record strictly for picking winners

 

Of the 24 games above, the TSLQBPRCAT was closer on the point spread for 16 games, the Godfather was closer on 6, and 2 were equally close.

 

Your article may be 10,000 times better than ours (yes, even our Committee agrees), but our math is PRETTY solid.

 

 

That's it for this week.  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  we TOTALLY got your team's color wrong on our charts?  it's unfair to compare ONE week of picks against the Godfather when he probably CRUSHED us the previous few weeks?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Remember, with the COVID regulations we have in place at the fields this year, it's a lot harder for spectators to watch games... which means it's a lot harder for the people on the QB Committee to watch your games.  If we're not writing about the action in your games, odds are we didn't see it.  Please email us to tell us what you're seeing out there - make our lives that much easier.  

 

What's YOUR ranking?

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