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Hello and welcome back to your TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  Although these days, it seems like we're "power ranking" just about everything.

 

Remember how much you loved our Female Receiver Rankings a couple weeks ago, and how you all agreed that list was perfect exactly as is?  Well you are in LUCK this week, as we're finally doing the long-teased-but-never-delivered Male Receiver Power Rankings.  Did you make the list??? (Spoiler alert: probably not)

 

But first, as always, your Week Four TSL Quarterback Power Rankings:

 

 

 

#1 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Beat Eyes Downtown 30-28

 

Tight Ends in Motion remain undefeated with their star QB present, as they narrowly escaped a potential loss to Eyes Downtown by 2 points this week.  Eyes Downtown was actually the last team to beat Bro, wayyyy back on May 15th last session, the only loss TEIM took that season.  These guys are pretty good at football.  When do they play Public Enemy again?  THIS SATURDAY, you say?  Should be a good one - Bro's #1 Ranking probably depends on it.

 

#2 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Beat Losing Streak 55-48

 

Last week we wrote "Public Enemy leads the TSL in points per game after three weeks, still riding the coattails of their dominant 53-point week one performance."  Well, they played their second game of the season against Losing Streak this week and somehow INCREASED their points per game to a League-leading 54.0 PPG... without the help of Osika, Paulie J or Jake Maryniewski.  It's almost like Cole is extra motivated to win this session for some reason...

 

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #2)

Last Week:  Lost to Tight Ends in Motion 30-28

 

Eyes Downtown were just a few points away from beating the defending Champs this week... it doesn't feel fair to knock Bobby down a spot in the Rankings this week, but Cole is scoring a billion points a week and he's still undefeated, so what choice did we have?  Every session we're hearing about how Eyes Downtown is remaking their roster and cycling through new people (that's the narrative anyway) but does it matter when they have Bobby?  They'll be contenders in every game, every time.

 

#4 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Victorious Secret - (Previous Rank #4)

Last Week:  Lost to Public Enemy 55-48 (Losing Streak), lost to TMA 48-28 (Victorious Secret)

 

No, Jordan is not dropping in the rankings for losing to Public Enemy.  Stop it.  He scored 48 points, which is still pretty great even considering all the defensive talent P.E. was missing (Cole is never going to make our inevitable "Best Male Defenders" Ranking, but he's still better than you think).  Losing Streak will be fine.  Victorious Secret ALSO had a tough draw this week against D4 team TMA (at least, that's the division we keep hearing they SHOULD have entered).  They, too, will be fine.

 

#5 Matty "Ice" Ditullio - A&A / The Angels - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Beat TopShot 33-29 (A&A), beat Frodo Swaggins 33-18 (The Angels)

 

The highest ranked QB outside of D1 REMAINS the highest ranked QB outside of D1 this week with wins in both D2 and D3.  A&A are the only 5-0 team in the League, which means they also have the longest active winning streak in the TSL (no division champs from last session remain undefeated).  Once again it was a close game as A&A has won all five games this session by an average margin of victory of 3.6 PPG.  Amazing.  Oh and Frodo Swaggins was undefeated before the Angels smacked them around this week, so that's a pretty big win too.

 

#6 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #6)

Last Week:  Lost to Slob Kabombs 26-25

 

The Sticky Bandits started last season 0-2 and were outscored by 65 points.  This season they're 0-2 and have been outscored by only 8.  Improvement?  Sure.  Mike continues to play well for Sticky Nation, but surely he was hoping to be at least 1-1 at this point in the season.  Next week is a double header against the #3 and #4 QBs in the League - win both, and the Sticky Bandits are right back in the thick of things.  Winning even one would be a move in the right direction.

 

#7 Dylan Jaloza - TopShot - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Lost to A&A 33-29

 

TopShot dropped what could be a D2 Finals preview to A&A this week in an unsurprisingly close game.  We don't hear Dylan's name mentioned enough in conversations about the League's top QBs.  Why is that?  It's not a fluke he's #7 in our Power Rankings right now, the guy can play.  No, he does not drop in the Rankings this week for losing to Matty Ice.  And yes, he remains the highest ranked Dylan in D2.

 

#8 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Beat Notorious BNB 30-20

 

The "other" Dylan is really shooting up the Power Rankings this session as he's guided the greatest female receiving corps this side of Tight Ends in Motion to an undefeated record at mid-season.  Scared Hitless is the surprise team of the season (there's always one...) and Dylan has to be glad they stayed in D2 this session.  If some combination of A&A, TopShot and Scared Hitless isn't playing for the D2 championship this season, it'll be a major upset.

 

#9 Alex Buchlis - The Notorious BNB - (Previous Rank #8)

Last Week:  Lost to Scared Hitless 30-20

 

Notorious BNB dropped to 1-4 on the season, but Buchlis didn't QB the bigger loss of the day against When Dove Cries.  Uh, at least not THIS Buchlis, as Alex's brother came out of retirement to throw for BNB against Team Topper this week.  Alex apparently did QB the second game of the day though, losing to still undefeated Scared Hitless.  Seems like he could have used his #1 receiver Dave Baker, who was playing on the next field for Tight Ends in Motion.  

 

#10 Jeremy "Hogan" Olsen - Passed Our Prime - (Previous Rank #9)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

No game this week.  Hogan drops a spot in the Rankings... even though he's still #2 in the TSL in scoring at 43.0 PPG.  How is that fair?

 

#11 Seth Molisani - Slob Kabombs / Buffalo Vice - (Previous Rank #14)

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 26-25 (Slob Kabombs)

 

Seth Molisani led Slob Kabombs to their first D1 win this season, taking down the Sticky Bandits by a single point.  Didn't we say it was only a matter of time until Seth was in the Top Ten?  He's knocking on the door to Elite QB status already.  Oh and Buffalo Vice scored 46 points in his absence with Frank Pizza at QB... Seth, Frank, Andy, it feels like nothing can stop those guys from scoring points.  Dan Gonzalez for D4 MVP?

 

#12 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries - (Previous Rank #13)

Last Week:  Beat Notorious BNB 51-16

 

A dominant showing from Topper this week as he dropped 51 points on the Notorious BNB (against their backup QB of course).  Yes, his defense helped him out a ton with great field position all day, but that's why he surrounds himself with amazing talent - to hide his shortcomings as a QB.  The Commish also stepped in for Lenny's Ladies this week and won a 45-44 thriller against Graves Bros.  All in all a pretty good day for the man in charge.

 

#13 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #11)

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 32-18

 

XTC finally wins a game and we reward Dubey by dropping him two spots in the Power Rankings.  Look: Topper's win was bigger, and Seth won in D1; that's why they passed Dubey, and it's that simple.  XTC is 1-4 but they're only -9 in total point differential.  Crazy to think that they're only 27 net points behind A&A, who are 5-0.  We wouldn't be surprised to see these guys win a playoff game and make it to the D2 semifinals.  We WOULD be a little surprised if they went further than that.

 

#14 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins - (Previous Rank #12)

Last Week:  Lost to the Angels 33-18

 

And just like that, Frodo Swaggins is no longer undefeated.  Tough loss to the Angels - they're a VERY talented squad it goes without saying, but aren't their wins usually shoot-outs?  We're a little surprised Garrett was only able to put 18 points on the board against them.  The Sentinel observed that his receivers had several drops which surely didn't help their cause.  Let's see how Frodo rebounds next week against Grey Hair - Don't Care.  Oh, and Garrett won a game against Show Me Dem TDs while subbing at QB for Cobblestone, so the day wasn't a complete loss.

 

#15 Scott Drosendahl - Bullet Club / 4th & Dong - (Previous Rank #16)

Last Week:  Lost to XTC 32-18 (Bullet Club), beat Last Dance 38-30 (4th & Dong)

 

Winless in D2.  Undefeated in D3.  That's Scotty for you.  (That was, unintentionally, a perfect Haiku, so you're welcome for the gift of free poetry).  It's a tale of two teams right now for Scotty as 4th & Dong are fourth in the TSL in scoring (40.5 PPG) and Bullet Club are fourth LAST in the TSL in scoring (20.6 PPG).  We can't explain it, but we'd be happy to let Scotty himself weigh in on his greatness/terribleness if he'd like.  

 

#16 Jeremy Burr - The Untouchaballs - (Previous Rank #17)

Last Week:  Beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 34-14

 

Apparently Burr is a great quarterback now?  Who knew?  The Untouchaballs are 3-2 after beating Grey Hair - Don't Care convincingly this week, and the Untouchaballs are third in D3 in scoring.  It looks like their next scheduled game isn't for two weeks, but it should be a good one with undefeated 4th & Dong waiting for them.

 

#17 Joey Batts - Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #18)

Last Week:  Beat Practice Squad 43-26

 

Look, clearly Joey Batts is better than the 17th best QB in the TSL.  The man has been in the Top Ten every week since we started Power Ranking until THIS season.  But he's only throwing in D4 now which we do factor into our Power Rankings.  It is what it is.  Having said that, Cunning Stunts are 4-0 right now and tied with 4th & Dong for fourth in the League for scoring (40.5 PPG) so no matter what division Joey throws in, it seems like he does alright.

 

#18 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care - (Previous Rank #15)

Last Week:  Lost to the Untouchaballs 34-14

 

Adding Corey and Molly will make Grey Hair - Don't Care a stronger team in the long run, but these things don't happen overnight.  GHDC dropped their first game with their new teammates to the Untouchaballs and reminded us why it's always so challenging to rank Eickhoff - he looks incredible one day and then struggles to maintain that consistency the next.  Grey Hair is currently 7th in their division in offense and 2nd in defense which is why they're sitting at 3-1 today, but if they want to make a deep playoff run they'll probably need more from their offense.

 

#19 Travis Cleveanger - Breast Friends - (Previous Rank #19)

Last Week:  Beat GUCCI 52-36

 

See: Joey Batts.  Another QB who we're going to struggle to rank because his only team is playing in D4.  Travis's numbers aren't quite as good as Joey's (seventh in the TSL in scoring at 39.75 PPG and 2-2 record) but his team isn't nearly as established as the Stunts either, so presumably they're still getting better.  If this week's 52-36 win over GUCCI in the "gender team vs gender QB" battle was any sign, Breast Friends are on the right track.

 

#20 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone - (Previous Rank #20)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Darryl didn't play this week, but let's take a second to point out that Cobblestone is 3-2 and tied for fourth in D3 (no matter what the Standings page says) after moving up a division this season.  Not bad Mr. Carr, not bad.

 

**

 

Male Receiver Power Rankings

 

Did you read ANY of the above about the QBs, or did you just skip straight ahead to see the Male Receiver Power Rankings?  We don't blame you if you did - it's exciting stuff!

 

A few ground rules first, much like the female receiver rankings a couple weeks ago:

  • This isn't an "overall male player" ranking, this is a receiver only ranking.  Play great defense but you have shaky hands?  You didn't make this list.  You're a great QB also and you think your versatility should give you an edge in these Rankings?  It didn't.  We are evaluating receiver skills only.  Nothing else.
  • The Committee voted on this list based on what we know about each receiver and his abilities today.  It is NOT intended to be a lifetime achievement award (you were great ten years ago?  cool story, but you didn't make the list) and it is NOT intended to be purely a "who's done the best so far four weeks into this season" ranking either (you have ten TDs through four weeks but you were ineffective for three years before that?  you didn't make the list).  In a sense it's just like the QB Rankings we do every week, in that we're trying to capture who we feel is really "the best" if you needed a guy tomorrow to help you win a big game.
  • A player's worth as a receiver is not based SOLELY on one factor.  This isn't just speed.  This isn't just hands.  This isn't just route running or physicality or high football IQ.  It's all of those things and how each player puts them together.
  • If a player is not active right now, he did not make the list.  Derrick Bloomfield, Dean Thompson, Andy Smith... none of these players make the list.  Micah Hanford for example received a couple votes, but we deemed him a "part timer" and excluded him from the Rankings.

A couple weeks ago we noted that this was INTENDED to be a fun exercise to shine the spotlight on some of the best female players in the TSL and not INTENDED to imply that any girls suck because they didn't make a list of the Top Ten Female receivers in the League.  

 

And yet people always find some kind of insult in their exclusion, or how high on the list they are.  

 

Do you think we sat around a room, specifically mentioned YOUR name, and then we laughed and laughed and laughed and agreed that you shouldn't be ranked higher because you suck?  

 

That's not how it went.  

 

We had members of the QB Committee each submit their Male Receiver rankings in order, and compiled it from there based on who appeared on multiple lists and how high they appeared on each.  There are twice as many male receivers in the TSL as female receivers, so for this list we're doing a Top Twenty.  

 

Think about that for a second - there are maybe 5-6 male receivers per team, times 45 non-gender teams, minus some people on more than one team.  That's MAYBE 240 male receivers in the League, and we're highlighting only the Top Twenty... the best 8% in the League.  You think you're in the Top 8%?  Most people aren't great with numbers, so let's put that in perspective: if we only showed the Top 8% of the League in our QB Power Rankings, it would be Bro Klecker, Chris Cole and Bobby McConnell.  That's it.  Top 8% is the elite of the elite.

 

So yeah, WE don't think it's terribly insulting if you didn't make this list, but hey, you're free to feel any way you want about it.  Go tell your buddies you got robbed and you're better than all these guys.  One or two of you might even be right.

 

Let's start with a few honorable mentions that received multiple votes but ultimately missed our Top Twenty.  Apologies of course if we butcher the spelling of your name.  In alphabetical (not Ranked!) order:

  • Jon Allen
  • Jeremy Burr
  • Adrian Cannon*
  • James Celotto
  • Travis Cleveanger
  • Anthony Deak
  • "Stoner" Dave Gdaniec*
  • Matt Helm
  • Zach Newberry
  • Greg Osika
  • Mike Rawdin
  • Jonny Yioulos

Now... on to the Male Receiver Power Rankings!  For added drama, we'll count down from 20th to 1st on this one.

 

20th: Kevin Zack* - Sticky Bandits

 

Kevin has insane quickness, veteran awareness of how and where to get open on every play, and an all-out effort that no in the League can beat.  He's won more championships in the TSL than we can count, and he seems to somehow be getting faster every year.  Kevin is a matchup nightmare for defenses with his speed and route running, especially in the end zone.

 

*TSL QB Power Rankings Committee Note: There was actually a three way tie for 20th place between Kevin Zack, Stoner Dave (Tight Ends in Motion) and Adrian Cannon (TopShot/Sticky Bandits), but Kevin gets the final spot because he appeared on the most ballots.

 

19th: Nick Wendt - Tight Ends in Motion

 

Nick would be higher on this list if we included his incredible defensive contributions as well, but as a pure receiver he's still good for 19th in the TSL.  Fast, smart, tough, and a natural playmaker, Nick is the total package, and he's also one of the nicest guys in the League too (although that didn't really help his Receiver Ranking).

 

18th: Garrett Beesing - the Notorious BNB

 

Garrett is transitioning to quarterbacking for Frodo Swaggins these days but don't let that fool you, he's still an absolutely elite wide receiver for Notorious BNB as well.  He's a perfect combination of size and speed and athleticism, and we've lost track of how many "that should have been impossible to catch" receptions he's made over the years.  

 

17th: Eric Delecki - Eyes Downtown

 

Delecki has been playing as long as most of us can remember, and he's a former D1 MVP candidate as well (we don't remember if we won it?).  His football IQ is off the charts and the guy is constantly finding ways to get open.  If the ball is thrown anywhere in his vicinity, he'll find a way to get there and get his feet in bounds.  

 

16th: Dan Gonzalez - Buffalo Vice

 

Dan doesn't get as much recognition as the others on this list because he plays for Buffalo Vice in D4, but they're another team that always puts up huge points, and more often than not it seems like it's just Dan outrunning the field to catch insane deep bombs.  When every one of our voters independently picks the same guy playing in the fourth Division, you know he must be pretty good.

 

15th: Todd Halas - Bullet Club

 

Todd was once described by his quarterback as "looks like a giant bag of dicks, but man he can actually play".  We don't know about the first part, but the second part is very true.  Todd has made a long career of getting open and making spectacular catches with a range that defenders somehow always underestimate.  He's as reliable as it gets for Bullet Club.

 

14th: Paul Johnson - Public Enemy

 

Paul Johnson is the model of consistency, and he's been one of the most precise route runners in the League for approximately forever.  His abilities in every facet of the game make it nearly impossible to cover him, and he's been one of the most reliable weapons over the years for the multi-time champions Public Enemy.

 

13th: Pete Nguyen - Public Enemy

 

If Paul is the model of consistency, his new teammate Pete is the model of explosive potential.  One of the top freak athletes in the TSL, Pete's upside is second to none.  Phenomenal speed, quickness and playmaking abilities.  The rich got richer when Public Enemy added "Asian Pete" to their team this session.

 

12th: Brian Stevens - Sticky Bandits

 

Brian Stevens has been the Sticky Bandits' top playmaker over the past few years and is another athlete who could be even higher on this list if we factored in defense.  He can run literally any route needed, he's consistent, and he'll fight for every ball that's thrown in his vicinity.  Brian is what happens when natural talent meets maximum effort.

 

11th: Ben Stack - Slob Kabombs

 

There are a lot of "fast" guys on this list, but there's a difference between fast and quick, and Ben Stack is both.  No one accelerates out of a sharp cut to full speed as quickly as Ben, and he's a nightmare to cover.  Every route is 100% speed and effort, and if he ever gets tired, we've never seen it.

 

10th: Andy Smigiera- Slob Kabombs

 

Andy Smigiera is a name that surely some readers don't know about yet, but if they stick around and watch a Slob Kabombs game, they'll leave asking who THAT guy was.  He's an insane talent: fast, great route running, doesn't drop a ball.  He looks like a pro playing against children out there.  Andy could be higher on this list if he played more often.

 

9th: Jordan Neidig - Eyes Downtown

 

Jordan is newer to the Topper Sports League but his football abilities are obvious as soon as the ball is snapped.  He's a huge deep threat for Eyes Downtown with a dangerous mix of speed, height and a ridiculous vertical.  We're told he has a college football background, which doesn't surprise us at all.  Great athlete, nice guy.

 

8th: Dave Baker - Tight Ends in Motion, Notorious BNB

 

The ultimate savvy veteran who has somehow gotten better with age.  Dave Baker isn't the tallest or fastest receiver on this list, but we feel pretty confident in saying he's the smartest.  Nobody has a knack for getting open like Dave, especially in the end zone.  He sees the field like a quarterback and always knows what spots to attack. 

 

7th: Ralph Finney - Losing Streak

 

Ralph doesn't say much at the fields because he doesn't have to - he's one of the few athletes that just lets his play do all the talking for him.  He may be one of the most well rounded wide receivers that you don't know about yet: size, speed, football IQ, athleticism, it's all there.  Chris Nelson is the bigger "name" on Losing Streak, but if you don't know who Ralph is too, you should.

 

6th: Keyon Elias - Passed Our Prime

 

Keyon was dominant for a bad (well, "absent" is probably a better word) Passed Our Prime in D2 last session, and if you haven't seen him play then you've definitely missed some highlight reel catches.  He's fast enough to blow the top off a defense and he's got great hands.  Passed Our Prime has been right at the top of the League in scoring both last session and this session, and the Hogan-to-Keyon connection is a big reason why.

 

5th: Drew Colosimo - When Dove Cries, Sticky Bandits

 

Who do you think has made Topper look so good (okay, "mediocre" is probably a better word) all these years?  Drew has the speed, crisp route running and the hands to make contested catches.  Universally respected by teammates and opponents alike, Drew was named on all of our ballots.

 

4th: Sean Weisensal - TopShot

 

One of the best pure athletes in the TSL, Sean is one of those unstoppable athletes that you're probably not able to cover in the first place, but will STILL make plays even if you're in perfect position against him.  Fast and physical, Sean makes any team he's on an immediate contender, from Freeballers (last season's D4 champs) to Eyes Downtown (last season's nearly D1 Finalists) to TopShot (this season's upper level D2 contender).

 

3rd: Derek Bongiovanni - Tight Ends in Motion

 

Tall and FAST and great hands.  Derek doesn't run EVERY type of route, but the ones he does are spectacular.  If he gets behind you, forget about it, the guy is scoring a touchdown and you're not going to stop him.  The D1 Champs' ultimate "break glass in case of emergency" plan, Derek always gives Tight Ends the upper hand on 6th downs.

 

2nd: Chris Nelson - Losing Streak

 

You knew he'd be right near the top of this list.  Chris Nelson is maybe the most dangerous receiver in the TSL.  His speed, quickness and catch radius make him about impossible to cover.  Just the ultimate athlete, with debatably the best physical skillset in the League.  If you were drafting a team for the next ten years, Chris would be the #1 pick.

 

1st: Mike Boccio - Public Enemy

 

The best receiver in the League.  Boccio was one of five men that appeared on every ballot (Chris Nelson, Derek Bongiovanni, Drew Colosimo and Ben Stack being the others, if you're curious) and he was right at or near the top of all of them.  The best player on the team with a million D1 championships shouldn't really be a surprise.  If you've played against him you know he's fast, smart, consistent, and just a playmaker.  We assume there will be SOME interest in him when Public Enemy retires and he becomes a free agent.

 

 

And those are the Top Twenty Male Receivers in the League!  You HATED it didn't you?  You thought you should have been higher, right?  SO insulting.  If you have any complaints, you can either send them to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it., OR you can just complain about how stupid we are at the bar on Saturday.  That's probably easier.  

 

***

 

And that's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  we spelled your name wrong in the Receiver Rankings?  we didn't include a single receiver from TMA?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

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