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Week 2 Rankings

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
Created: Wednesday, 01 September 2021 19:35
Published: Wednesday, 01 September 2021 19:35
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 209

 

 

Hello and welcome back to your TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  It has been admittedly a slow start to the season as many top teams and their QBs have asked for bye weeks to start the Fall session.  Probably a combination of weddings, anticipation of the brutal heat, or in the case of Ben Stack just cancelling your team's game a couple hours before kickoff.  Either way, it's been difficult to assess QB play with such small sample sizes from the TSL's best passers; plus we barely even know who is throwing for certain teams yet, as many have only had one game.  

 

So this week we thought we'd do something a little different.

 

In addition to the QB Power Rankings (and we'll still start with those... it is the name of our article after all) we're also going to present the long awaited, always-teased-but-never-delivered Female Receiver Rankings.  Yes, feelings will be hurt, angry emails will be sent, and everyone will agree we did a terrible job, but that's the name of the game when you're in charge of rankings.  Get ready to get angry that we didn't pick the girls on your team!

 

With that said, let's start with the QB Rankings.

 

 

VERY little movement this week, and ironically the only two QBs in the Top Ten that rose or fell didn't even play this week!  Sounds suspect already.  Let's whip through this.

 

#1 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Congrats on your wedding Bro!  There might not be a nicer, more likeable guy in the TSL than Bro Kleckler, so make sure to congratulate him and his wife Kelly at the fields next time you see them.  The defending champs lost in his absence, but marriage is a pretty solid excuse.  Makes us wonder though, who's in charge of TEIM's schedule requests to NOT ask for a bye week on their QB's wedding day?  How did organizational skills like this win D1 last session?

 

#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #2)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Bye week for the undefeated Bobby McConnell, and it looks like he'll have a bye again next week.  

 

#3 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Unexpected bye week (or is it a forfeit? it hasn't been marked as one on the website yet) for Public Enemy as Slob Kabombs cancelled the game early Saturday morning with attendance issues.  Cole still averaging 53 PPG after two weeks.

 

#4 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Victorious Secret - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Beat Tight Ends in Motion 32-26

 

Big week for Jordan as Losing Streak takes down the defending champs for their first D1 win.  No, it doesn't affect his Ranking because TEIM was missing Bro, Eric, Nick etc but still an impressive feat to beat ANY combination of Tight Ends.  Also: shame on us for not mentioning Victorious Secret last week when they beat Graves Bros 41-12 (they didn't play this week).  Dominant win for a gender team that struggled most of last session.  The path for Jordan moving up in the Power Rankings goes through the three men above him, and until he has a head-to-head win against the Big Three, he's kind of stuck at #4.

 

#5 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Another bye week for Sticky Nation, as they are one of only two teams not to play a game yet this session.

 

#6 Matty "Ice" Ditullio - A&A / The Angels - (Previous Rank #6)

Last Week:  Beat XTC 41-38, beat When Dove Cries 39-30 (A&A), lost to Grey Hair - Don't Care 20-17 (The Angels)

 

A&A have a 3-0 record and Matty has the team averaging 39 PPG.  That sounds like a lot (and it is) but strangely it's only tied for fourth in the division offensively.  D2 has so much firepower this year, it's a credit to Matty and Co that they've started off this season so strong with three one-score wins.  The Angels are still waiting to taste their first win of the year unfortunately, but they're too absurdly talented to wait much longer for that.  Matty remains the highest ranked D2/D3 QB... for now.

 

#7 Alex Buchlis - The Notorious BNB - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Beat Passed Our Prime 42-39

 

The Notorious BNB have been THE most exciting team to watch in the TSL so far this season, having played two games that were each settled on the very last play.  Alex is tied with Matty at 39 PPG, but his 1-1 record compared to A&A's 3-0 (plus the 1-point head to head loss from two weeks ago) has him a half step behind in the Power Rankings.  

 

#8 Jeremy "Hogan" Olsen - Passed Our Prime - (Previous Rank #8)

Last Week:  Lost to The Notorious BNB 42-39

 

Apparently we should be calling him Hogan instead of Olsen, since that's what everyone else calls him.  Passed Our Prime dropped a close one to Notorious BNB on a semi-controversial "was it or wasn't it a TD" that would have won them the game on the last play.  Hogan's still #8 in our Power Rankings and yes, of COURSE he's still the highest scoring QB in D2 at 46.5 PPG.

 

#9 Dylan Jaloza - TopShot - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

No game for TopShot this week.  Dylan rises one spot in the Power Rankings for doing nothing.

 

#10 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #9)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

XTC played this week, but Dubey apparently bailed right before game time leaving Joey Batts to QB instead (XTC fell to A&A 41-38).  Dubey goes to #10 for his late absence.

 

**

 

But enough about quarterbacking - it's time for the first ever Female Receiver Power Rankings!

 

A few ground rules first:

 

  • This isn't an "overall female player" ranking, this is a receiver only ranking.  Play great defense but you have shaky hands?  You didn't make this list.  You're a great gender QB when the team needs that emergency red zone 8 points?  You didn't make this list.  We are evaluating receiver skills only.  Nothing else.
  • The Committee voted on this list based on what we know about each receiver and her abilities today.  It is NOT intended to be a lifetime achievement award (you were great ten years ago?  cool story, but you didn't make the list) and it is NOT intended to be purely a "who's done the best so far two weeks into this season" ranking either (you have five TDs through two weeks but you were ineffective for three years before that?  you didn't make the list).  In a sense it's just like the QB Rankings we do every week, in that we're trying to capture who we feel is really "the best" if you needed a girl tomorrow to help you win a big game.
  • A player's worth as a receiver is not based SOLELY on one factor.  This isn't just speed.  This isn't just hands.  This isn't just route running or physicality or high football IQ.  It's all of those things and how each player puts them together.
  • If a player is not active right now, she did not make the list.  Let's call this the "Katie Salisbury rule" (Katie would likely be our #1 right now if she were considered eligible).
  • Also: this is INTENDED to be a fun exercise to shine the spotlight on some of the best female players in the TSL.  It is not INTENDED to imply that you or your teammates suck because they didn't make a list of the Top Ten Female receivers in the League.  There are 50 teams in the TSL. with at least three to four girls per team (ignore gender teams for a second, it's high level math).  That's about 150 girls in total.  If we snubbed you on our VERY subjective Top Ten, it's no "insult" intended.

 

We had four members of the QB Committee each submit their rankings (are there exactly four of us on the Committee, or are we saying only four of us voted?  we'll continue to be vague about the makeup of this group) and what was interesting was that exactly five girls made all four of our lists.  Guess what: they're going to be the Top Five girls on this list.  The other six were named on multiple lists but not ALL of them, so we feel like we've got a pretty good consensus here.  Yes, doing a "Top Eleven" instead of a Top Ten sounds weird, but there was a tie in our math and we didn't want to split hairs on who the last entry would be.

 

Let's start with a few honorable mentions that received multiple votes but ultimately missed our Top Ten.  Apologies of course if we butcher the spelling of your name.  In alphabetical (not Ranked!) order:

  • Emily Belfield
  • Heather Cepuchowski
  • Brittany Clarke
  • Misty Himes
  • Caitlyn Mason
  • Kellie Mazur
  • Allie Metzger
  • Rylee Moser
  • Taylor Pagano
  • Cat Peters
  • Jen Stachura
  • Laura Streeter
  • Jackee Thompson

Now... on to the Female Receiver Power Rankings!  For added drama, we'll count down from 10th to 1st on this one.

 

10th-T: Lindsay Stoddard - Tight Ends in Motion, The Angels

Voters on our Committee all said the same thing - if she played more often, she might be a top five receiver on this list.  Maybe the most difficult female receiver in the League to defend in man coverage, Lindsay WILL get open, and she WILL make an incredible catch when she needs to.  Good luck covering her with another girl.

 

10th-T: Christine Krol - Sticky Bandits

The best female receiver on the Sticky Bandits, Christine might rank even higher if we factored in defensive ability.  She's got the speed to run sideline to sideline and the deep threat ability that so many QBs WISHED they had in a female receiver.  We feel confident saying that Sticky Nation wouldn't have made the climb to D1 without Christine.

 

9th: Jaimie Warren - Scared Hitless, Lenny's Ladies

Jaimie is part of one of the most stacked female rosters in the League with Scared Hitless, and a dominant playmaker for Lenny's Ladies as well.  A top tier athlete (and former TSL MVP) Jaimie runs incredible routes, can outmuscle guys on contested catches, and has an underrated vertical leap.  If you've played against her, you already know who she is.

 

8th: Amy Taylor - Losing Streak, The Notorious BNB

Teams will try to cover Amy with a male defender and still repeatedly fail at the task.  How do you stop perfect hands, smart route running and physical playmaking?  Not with a short defender apparently, because Amy will just catch it right over their head.  There are girls who might be faster than Amy, but not many can compete with how effective she is.

 

7th: Emily Curry - Tight Ends in Motion, The Angels

Fast AND quick, Emily Curry (Jaskier?) has a ridiculous catch window as she can pull in grounders or passes thrown too high.  Her routes are always very crisp and she has a knack for getting open on nearly every play.  Emily also has a great ability to recognize that a play is breaking down and adjust to help out her quarterback, which makes her one of the most valuable female receivers in the game.

 

6th: Margo Jablonski - The Angels

Margo has just about every trait you could want in a receiver: she's fast, she can make people miss, she runs great routes, she can improvise, she's tough and physical, she can catch just about anything... yeah, that's a pretty complete list.  Just an incredible talent that you wouldn't want to see across the field from you in a championship game.

 

5th: Brandy Clarke - When Doves Cries, Cunning Stunts

Brandy is a veteran of the League but somehow inexplicably still seems to improve every session.  Her route running is fantastic, she always seems to be open, and she ALWAYS seems to make the play when it's thrown her way. The first of five unanimous selections that every one of our voters chose for these Rankings.

 

4th: Cheryl Julicher - Public Enemy

Cheryl may go down as the GOAT whenever she retires (does she ride off into the sunset with Public Enemy?), and she has been the standard for years on what a top female can be in this League.  Her speed isn't elite, but she has great hands, she's tough as nails, gets open, and always makes the play that needs to be made.  There's a reason she's won so many D1 titles.

 

3rd: Melanie Linsmair - Scared Hitless, Untouchaballs

We would venture a guess that up to this point, you've probably heard of everyone on this list, but Melanie Linsmair is newer to the League and you may not be aware of her yet.  You'll learn the name soon, we promise.  "Sticky hands blonde chick" is just about unstoppable on offense and she is constantly finding ways to get open.  If she's ever dropped a pass, we haven't seen it. 

 

2nd: Katie Keller - XTC, 4th and Dong

You already know who she is.  Katie gets open, she makes people miss.  She can catch a ball while defenders are absolutely hacking at her arms.  She gives you 50 minutes of competitive effort every game, and there never seems to be any "look at me" or bragging to her game... she just moves from one great play to the next like it's all business.  

 

1st: Robin Makula - Tight Ends in Motion, The Angels

Robin is, at this moment, the best female receiver in the TSL.  There's no one more more clutch, more focused and intense when the game is on the line, and more athletically gifted than Robin.  She's also an incredibly smart player who seems to learn from mistakes and constantly adapt to improve.  There isn't a team in the TSL that wouldn't immediately improve by adding Robin Makula.  Oh, and it looks like Tight Ends in Motion officially has three girls in the Top Ten... NOT including a recovering Katie Salisbury.  Solid team.  We think they'll win some games.

 

 

So you've finished reading our Female Receiver Rankings and our guess is that right now you have one of two complaints about it: we either didn't mention you or your teammate at ALL ("what an outrage! this is bullshit!")... or we did mention you or your teammate, but didn't rank them as highly as they "deserve".  Here's what you can do about it: write us an email at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and whine about what a terrible job we did.  But keep in mind - we're happy to hear arguments for how great a player is... but not at the expense of one of the women who are listed above.  So don't come at us with "Jenny Smith is way better than Brandy Clarke!" because we will write you back on essay on why NO, she is not.

 

 

***

 

And that's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you want female defensive player rankings too?  you think we did Dubey dirty by docking him a spot in the Rankings for not showing up last week?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

Week One Power Rankings

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
Created: Thursday, 26 August 2021 16:06
Published: Thursday, 26 August 2021 16:06
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 227

 

Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  If you've read our article in the past (if for no other reason than to complain about how wrong we are) then you’re familiar with the concept – every week we share our rankings for the Top QBs in the League, and discuss who’s trending up and who's trending down.  We on the QB Power Rankings Committee are not what you'd call "great writers" (or even "very good" writers... check out the Godfather and the Sentinel if you want better writing) so we typically lean heavily on graphs and stats instead... at least, we do after a few weeks, when there's significant enough data to bother sharing.  In our season opening articles we also make a few predictions for the session and re-print an explanation of how these Power Rankings work, which we've copied and pasted almost verbatim from previous articles.

 

So a little Q&A to refresh your memories:

 

“There are fifty teams in the TSL this season!  Are you going to show rankings for all 50 starting QB’s every week?”

Not even close.  At minimum, the Top Ten will be shown EVERY week.  We always expand as the season goes on, so you'll see a Top 15, Top 20... last season we got to a Top 40, which was two thirds of the League, so we do try to be inclusive.

 

“Is this going to be heavily biased towards the higher divisions?”

In a word: yes.  The purpose of a Power Ranking is to highlight the absolute best in the League, and for the most part the best are competing AGAINST the best.  We will absolutely be acknowledging the performances (good and bad) of Quarterbacks in the lower divisions as well, but it's rare that a lower division QB will crack the Top Ten or Fifteen, and that's the way it should be.  Generally speaking if you don't like your ranking, our advice is to try moving up a division next session.  The better your competition, the more credibility you earn for beating it.

 

"Are gender team QBs treated differently in the Rankings?"

Not really.  A team's a team, and although gender team scores tend to be a little higher (every TD = minimum 8 points) we don't see much difference.  It takes skill to win with men; it takes skill to win with women.  The biggest knock on gender teams is that they tend to play in lower divisions and as we said above, we do factor THAT into our rankings.

 

"How are you ranking backup QBs if they come in and play better than some other team's starter?"

Generally we're only ranking one QB per team, even if you've got a player on your bench that you think could be a successful starter elsewhere.  And for teams with unreliable QBs who don't show up often enough for us to even KNOW who the starter is, we often leave them out of our rankings entirely... as they say, the best "ability" is "availability".  If you want to get ranked, show up and play as often as you can.  

 

"I'm new to this League and people don't know me yet!  How do I get ranked when I'm still an unknown?"

For starters, you should play really well.  If you're scoring a lot of points, we WILL notice you.  There are several new teams this session, so we probably DON'T know who you all are yet.  Email us at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. to introduce yourself, and please, be patient.  If you're the highest scoring team in the League in Week 2, that doesn't mean we're anointing you as the next Chris Cole just yet.  Keep at it, play well, and we promise eventually we will recognize you.  It took us a minute to figure out Losing Streak, Passed Our Prime and Puckett All-Stars last season... but we got there eventually.

 

“So you’re only ranking QB’s… what about the rest of us?”

Oh, we didn’t forget about the rest of you.  In addition to the QB Rankings, we will do our best to put out other rankings that the rest of you can enjoy – best team offenses, best team defenses, best referees, best receivers, best at bar …  ranking anything is always fun.  Unless we rank you last, of course.

 

“You keep saying ‘we’.  Who is writing this?  Who determines these rankings?”

Don’t worry about who’s writing this.  Let’s be honest: If you knew who was on our Committee (there's a few of us), you would incessantly whine to them about why you or your QB should be ranked higher every week.  Anonymity is key for journalism THIS important.  

 

And that's how the Power Rankings work.  We expect it's going to be an incredible season, with fifty teams battling for TSL supremacy.  Our official predictions for this year (with the benefit of one week already being in the books, of course): 

§  Chris Cole goes undefeated in the regular season and reclaims the top spot in the Power Rankings

§  Passed Our Prime will be the highest scoring team in the TSL this season across all divisions

§  Breast Friends will be the highest scoring gender team in the TSL, and win exactly zero games by forfeit this season

§  TSL Legend Darryl Carr finishes the season with a higher rank than TSL Legend Topper

§  A QB we've never heard of will finish the season in the Top 15

§  Dave Eickhoff, ranked 26th at the end of last season, will make his return to the Top Ten at some point this season

 

But what do we know?  We went 3-for-6 on last year's predictions:

§  AWDIQ legend Vince Taverna drops out of the Top Ten as he has to contend with 16 D1 and D2 QBs playing in divisions above him.  [We were right about this one as Vince plummeted to 24th in our Rankings by end of the season... but the joke was on us as he went on to lead Quinn to their long awaited D3 championship in the playoffs]

§  Matty Ice and Dean Thompson will duke it out for the honor of highest ranked D2 QB, with... Matty getting the slight edge by end of the season? we think?  [Well, we were half right.  Matty got hurt and Travis played most of the regular season for A&A, so the D2 Power Rankings battle came down to Dean and Jordan Lawson.  We'll call this one a miss]

§  Dylan Jaloza will crack the Top Twenty by end of the season.  With all those weapons, how can he not?  [We were entirely right.  In fact, he made the Top Ten by end of the season]

§  A mid-season replacement will come out of nowhere to crack the Top Ten (think Bro Kleckler or Terrell Bolden last year).  [We were right again, as Travis Cleveanger moved from A&A backup to Top Ten QB]

§  Scotty Drosendahl, now playing in D2, will make the Top Ten early and often.  [Swing and a miss here.  We love Scotty and he got a huge upset win in the first round of playoffs last year, but the Top Ten eluded him for most of the season]

§  Topper will continue to be the hardest player to rank, flashing brilliance one week, just to look like a washed up shell of an athlete the next. [We thought this would be our easiest prediction, and yet somehow Topper was consistently good for most of the season against all odds]

 

So there you go.  Let's get to the first QB Power Rankings of the Fall 2021 Season.  They're going to look a little different this season with no Dean Thompson (we miss you already Peachy Platoon), no Matt Newman (hope to see you again some day Slytherin That End Zone) and Joey Batts no longer QBing a co-ed team (thank God we still get to review his work on Cunning Stunts though):

 

 

#1 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

The reigning D1 Champ gets the week off to start the Fall 2021 season.  Remember when the knock on Bro last Spring was "yeah, he's doing great, but he'll never beat Public Enemy when it matters in the playoffs!"  Well, he did, and he's a very legitimate #1 right now regardless of how much talent you think his team has around him.

 

#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #2)

Last Week:  Beat Losing Streak 40-34

Bobby's back with plenty of new talent, and Eyes Downtown start the season off right with a W against the former D2 champs.  Bobby has never been ranked lower than fourth in our Power Rankings, and he's going to be in Championship contention right up to the last game(s) of the season, so get used to reading about him.

 

#3 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Beat Slob Kabombs 53-30

Should the TSL GOAT be ranked higher than #3?  Maybe; he did beat Bobby by a point in last season's Semi-finals matchup, and Public Enemy dropped 53 on poor Slob Kabombs to start this season.  But it's a long season, and Cole has plenty of time to make his push back to #1 before he wraps up his "Public Enemy Last Dance" documentary.  For more on his historical dominance, see our All-Time Standings chart below... his name comes up once or twice.

 

#4 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak - (Previous Rank #4)

Last Week:  Lost to Eyes Downtown 40-34

Losing Streak had previously held the longest WINNING streak in the League, but hey... D1 games are hard to win.  Jordan had a great debut (reportedly without all his weapons present) and nearly upset Eyes Downtown in his first game at WNY touch football's highest level.  Unlike last session though where Jordan didn't really have a path to passing the Big Three in our Power Rankings, he's going to get plenty of chances this season.  We'll see how it goes, but we think he'll be fine in D1.

 

#5 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

Mike moves up two spots in the Power Rankings this week despite a bye week, thanks to Dean Thompson taking the season off and Joey Batts no longer QBing a team above D4 (more on that later).  The Sticky Bandits were a bit of an afterthought in D1 last season for most people, but they almost shocked the world and came within just one point of making the D1 Finals.  We assume they'll take a step back this season after losing their best receiver, but we've been burned betting against Sticky Nation before.

 

#6 Matty "Ice" Ditullio - A&A - (Previous Rank N/R)

Last Week:  Beat The Notorious BNB 37-36, lost to Untouchaballs 45-32

Matty dropped off our Power Rankings last season as an injury forced him to miss significant time, but he's back this season and he's PROBABLY unhappy that we've started him at the #6 spot after his dramatic win against Notorious BNB (he's #1 among QBs outside of D1, for what it's worth).  A&A should be a force to be reckoned with this season, but we wonder if the Angels miss the days of D4 when they just steamrolled teams every week.  Either way, it's good for the League that they're competing up in D3 now where they belong.

 

#7 Alex Buchlis - The Notorious BNB - (Previous Rank #8)

Last Week:  Lost to A&A 37-36

The Notorious BNB look like a rebranded (and improved) Sloppy Seconds from last session, which makes them immediate contenders in D2.  Alex was his usual crafty self and nearly pulled off the "upset" of A&A (would that have been considered an upset?) in the closing seconds of their first game.  He didn't, so now he has to look up at Matty Ice in the Power Rankings this week.  Alex has won D2 before so we know HE'S capable.  Let's see if the rest of the Notorious BNB has it in them.

 

#8 Jeremy Olsen - Passed Our Prime - (Previous Rank #15)

Last Week:  Beat XTC 54-53

Jeremy Olsen isn't making his first appearance in the Top Ten just because he's the highest scoring QB in the League through one week (although he is).  This actually feels long overdue as the Passed Our Prime offense was fantastic last season, but the team was ultimately undone by weak attendance and atrocious defense.  The defense STILL doesn't look great through one game (tied for second worst in the League, ahead of only the team they just beat!) but they've matched their win total from last season already.  Olsen is legit.

 

#9 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #13)

Last Week:  Lost to Passed Our Prime 54-53

When was the last time a team scored 53 points and lost? (Okay, it was only June 5th when A&A beat Passed Our Prime 57-56, but before THAT it was a long time ago!)  Dubey's got that XTC offense looking sharp right out of the gate.  Sure, 0-1 isn't how they'd hoped to start the season, but they've got athletes AND Battaglias (see what we did there?) and one of the League's most legendary QBs - that's a pretty good recipe to bounce back and have a great season.

 

#10 Dylan Jaloza - TopShot - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 32-16

Dylan won games in D6.  He won them in D3.  He's won his first game in D2, and WITHOUT Chris Nelson.  Do we think TopShot will dominate this session like they did last Spring in D3?  No... we do not.  But we think they're viable contenders to win every game, and as always, that starts with the QB.  Dylan hit that "D3 glass ceiling" in our Power Rankings last session, but in D2 he's got way more room to shine with upcoming battles against the four QBs ranked directly above him.  Let's see what he can do.

 

So there's your Top Ten, but there are plenty of other QBs to keep your eye on this session (shown below in alphabetical order, not Power Rankings order):

 

Garrett Beesing had a breakout season at QB this past Spring and he's still undefeated this year with a VERY unsatisfying tie in Frodo's first game.  If we had to guess, we'd say Frodo Swaggins will be playing in the D3 finals in a couple months, as long as Garrett stays focused and (by his standards) not completely hung over.

 

Jeremy Burr can throw a football apparently!  The Untouchaballs looked great taking down The Angels in their first game of the year.  We hate to draw conclusions about new QBs after only one game (especially against a gender team, which although absurdly talented in this case, does tend to be easier to throw against) but Burr MIGHT be ready for his Power Rankings debut sooner rather than later... 

 

Dylan Day and Scared Hitless looked a LITTLE overwhelmed at times in their first season in D2 last session, but they also looked like world beaters against Bullet Club last week.  Yes, Melanie Linsmair helps, but their whole passing game looked fantastic, and Dylan is probably wondering why the #1 team in the D2 standings today has at least five D2 QBs ahead of him in the Power Rankings.  Life isn't fair, and neither are we.

 

Frank Laudico will not be the starting QB for new TSL team GUCCI we're told, but he did fill in for Kelly Kane while she was out this week (and yes, it's about time we had a full-time female QB in this League).  Normally a backup QB wouldn't be cause for mention in our article, but Frank has long been the QB of the GameOn D1 Champions "The Wanderers", so it felt noteworthy to have him throwing at the TSL fields this week.  Welcome to the TSL GUCCI!

 

Patrick "Topper" McGovern hasn't played a game yet this season, but he was shockingly competent last year (that's the most accurate way to phrase it, we're sorry).  Does he have another strong season in him, or is this going to be a "regression to the mean" type of year for him?  It's exhausting trying to keep up with the incredible highs and devastating lows of Topper's quarterbacking.

 

Seth Molisani has taken over for Andy Clark this session on Buffalo Vice in D4, AND he's throwing for the new D1 team Slob Kabombs who scored 30 points against Public Enemy in their debut this week.  It's not a question of if, but when will Seth crack the Top Ten this season?

 

So that's a look at where we stand after one week.  As always, we will expand coverage throughout the season to cover more and more QBs, but it's difficult when seemingly half the League hasn't played a game yet AND we're not even sure who's throwing for every team yet.  We'll get there.

 

**

 

For all you TSL history buffs out there that want to know QB Power Rankings data stretching back before the Top Ten chart shown above, here is the entire history of the Top Ten going back the past four seasons that we've been Power Ranking (season three being shortened by one week due to COVID issues):

 

 

UGLY chart... but thorough!

 

Chris Cole is the only QB to be ranked in the Top Ten every week since the Power Rankings began.  Yes, Joey Batts is also shown every week above, but his streak officially ended the first week of THIS session since he's no longer QBing a co-ed team above D4.  Bobby McConnell missed the beginning of the Spring 2019 season with an injury and wasn't ranked for four weeks, though he's been in the Top Four ever since.  Amazing how consistent some of the top guys have been.  They're league legends for a reason, folks.

 

And here's one more chart just for fun.  The table below shows cumulative points for the last four seasons for every QB who has EVER cracked the Top Ten.  Here's how it works: you get 10 points for a first place week, 1 point for a tenth place week, and zero points for not making the Top Ten at all that week.  Gives you a fairly accurate sense of who our top QBs have been over the past four seasons we think (obviously biased towards people that have been here the longest over that stretch):

 

 

And that's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you want to see those "Best Offense/Best Defense" graphics after one week while your team is still riding high after a freakishly good start?  you're looking at the All-Time Top Ten chart above and just now realizing it's bullshit that Darryl Carr has never cracked the list?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..    Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

Week 7 Rankings

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
Created: Thursday, 10 June 2021 18:45
Published: Thursday, 10 June 2021 18:45
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 253

 

 

"The more difficult the victory, the greater the happiness in winning." - Pele

 

Hello and welcome back to your TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  Only ONE WEEK remains in the 2021 Spring Session, and the playoff picture is coming together.  If we're looking at the Standings correctly, it SEEMS like only four of our teams have been eliminated from playoff contention (Scared Hitless, Not So Sticky, Woodpeckers and Juiced) with one week to go.  For everyone else, dreams of playoff glory survive for at least another week.  

 

This is what we have for you below:

  • The TSL QB Power Rankings - Top 35 in the League, our most expansive Power Rankings in the history of this article.  More QB coverage than ever!
  • Stats and Charts - Earlier this season we took a look at the "Best and Worst" of the TSL in terms of offense and defense.  Now that the season is almost over, let's check back in on who our most dominant (and least dominant) teams are.
  • Final Observations

So let's get right to it.  Here are the Week Seven TSL QB Power Rankings:

 

 

#1 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Beat Public Enemy 31-26

 

There's no asterisk next to this one as TEIM once again beat Public Enemy.  Yes, we know that P.E. didn't have ALL their players, we know that Cole had to play defense.  But they had enough, and Tight Ends in Motion (who were missing plenty of their own stars) STILL pulled it off.  It looks like the days of "TEIM can't beat Public Enemy" are in the past.  Tight Ends in Motion is now the team to beat this session in D1, and if you didn't agree that Bro belonged in this spot before, he should have changed your mind this week.

 

#2 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #2)

Last Week:  Lost to Tight Ends in Motion 31-26

 

Public Enemy is 0-2 against TEIM this session and they're 26th in the League in scoring.  No one is going to remember either of those things a month from now if they win the D1 championship for the tenth time (No, we don't actually know how many they've won... we wish we had better records.)  The playoffs are all that matters for this team (what more do they have to prove in the regular season?) and barring a complete collapse next week, Public Enemy will have a first round bye.  

 

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Beat Sloppy Seconds 42-31, beat Sticky Bandits 33-22

 

Eyes Downtown are the only team to have beaten TEIM this season, and they lost to Public Enemy by a single score.  The "narrative" of D1 this session might be Public Enemy vs Eyes Downtown, but there IS a third contender capable of beating both of those teams, and they've got one of the sharpest QBs in the game in Bobby McConnell leading the charge.  Don't be surprised if Bobby flips the script in the playoffs and makes this season the one where he takes back his crown.

 

#4 Dean Thompson - Peachy Platoon - (Previous Rank #4)

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 41-16

 

Peachy Platoon wasn't rattled last week when they had to win with three girls; they weren't rattled this week when they fell behind early just to rattle off 41 unanswered points in a dominating comeback win.  These guys have now won six in a row since starting 0-1-1, and it starts with their human highlight reel Quarterback.  We're expecting Dean to finish the season with his seventh win in a row... and then maybe to run it up to ten with a D2 championship later this month.

 

#5 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Victorious Secret - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Beat Slytherin that end zone 43-28 (Losing Streak), lost to TMA 54-8 (Victorious Secret)

 

Still the highest scoring team in D2 (and fifth highest scoring in the TSL), Losing Streak is on a five game winning streak of their own and on a potential collision course with Peachy Platoon in the D2 finals.  Jordan hasn't lost (at least not with Losing Streak) in over a month, and has their team confident in their playoff prospects going into the last week of the regular season.  A win over XTC next week would wrap up a 7-2 campaign, which is pretty remarkable for a team in its first season in the TSL.

 

#6 Joey Batts - Mountain Dew Me / Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #6)

Last Week:  Beat Passed Our Prime 41-36, beat Scared Hitless 34-22 (Mountain Dew Me), lost to Itches and Ohs 51-24

 

Cunning Stunts is no longer undefeated NOR are they the highest scoring team in the League anymore (we'll get to that team later) but M.D.M. picked up a pair of wins and Joey scored 99 points on the day (sounds exhausting), so not a terrible Saturday for our former (and future) Villain of the Year.  Mountain Dew Me and Cunning Stunts should both be strong contenders to win their divisions this year, and we're certain Joey will be as graceful as ever in victory.

 

#7 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Beat Why So Serious 51-16, lost to Eyes Downtown 33-22

 

The Sticky Bandits are 4-1 and have an average point differential of +18.6 PPG against teams NOT named Public Enemy or TEIM.  They're also 0-4 and have an average point differential of -25.3 PPG against teams that ARE named Public Enemy or TEIM.  This was a great debut season in D1 for Sticky Nation, and Mike has surprised many with how well he's adjusted since making the leap from D2.  They're going to need some tricks up their sleeves if they want to compete with the top dogs in the playoffs though.

 

#8 Alex Buchlis - Sloppy Seconds - (Previous Rank #8)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Alex has the week off, and Sloppy Seconds falls to Eyes Downtown for the third time this season.  His Power Ranking remains unchanged.

 

#9 Travis Cleavenger - Breast Friends / A&A - (Previous Rank #12)

Last Week:  Beat Passed Our Prime 57-56, beat Show Me Dem TDs 34-0

 

What's more impressive: a 34 point shutout win, or a 1 point shootout win where you needed to score 57 to narrowly pull off the W?  Whatever you prefer, Travis had them both this week, so he rises three spots in the Power Rankings.  Is A&A planning on giving Matty the job back for playoffs, or is this Travis's team to lead now?  We have no idea, but either way Travis will be throwing for at least ONE team that's expected to make a serious playoff push.

 

#10 Dylan Jaloza - TopShot - (Previous Rank #11)

Last Week:  Beat Frodo Swaggins 39-21, beat Vaspian 37-6

 

TopShot is the last undefeated team in the League, the fourth highest scoring offense in the TSL, the best defense in the TSL, and the best point differential in the TSL.  Not a bad team!  A pair of wins over Frodo and Vaspian this week has TopShot one game away from an undefeated regular season, and that looks to be an immediate rematch against Frodo Swaggins (who will presumably have their quarterback this time).  Win or lose, Dylan has easily locked up the #1 seed for TopShot with playoffs looming.

 

#11 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins - (Previous Rank #9)

Last Week:  Did Not Play (after Breakfast Club)

 

The TSL's favorite shoe-less shorts-less Quarterback (sorry Travis) left the fields early on Saturday so didn't get to play beyond Breakfast Club.  Next week's Frodo Swaggins vs. TopShot rematch should determine which D3 Quarterback finishes with the better spot in our final Rankings of the year.

 

#12 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

No action from Dubey this week as XTC has the week off.

 

#13 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries / TOX - (Previous Rank #13)

Last Week:  Lost to Freeballers 36-6

 

Topper made excuses for his losses when he "had to play four games in a day" (even though he makes the schedules)... so what's his excuse for scoring only 6 points in one game this weekend?  Too much chlorine in his eyes from the dunk tank?  TOX looks unlikely to win a playoff game this session, but When Dove Cries still has a little more life in them.  They could finish as high as 6-2-1 next week, or as low as 4-4-1, so we'll see what kind of team they really are.

 

#14 Scott Drosendahl - Bullet Club - (Previous Rank #14)

Last Week:  Lost to Peachy Platoon 41-16

 

Bullet Club loses their sixth game in a row and falls to 2-6 on their once promising season.  What happened here?  Allowing 35.5 PPG certainly isn't helping Bullet Club, but the offense isn't performing as well as it needs to either, as their 26.8 PPG are only 8th in the division.  It's not impossible that they miss the playoffs, which would have been unthinkable when they were sitting at 2-0.  Does Bullet Club get Scotty some more help next season... or are they looking for his replacement instead?

 

#15 Jeremy Olsen - Passed Our Prime - (Previous Rank #18)

Last Week:  Lost to A&A 57-56, lost to Mountain Dew Me 41-36

 

Passed Our Prime is 7th in the entire TSL in offensive PPG, and yet they have a 1-6 record.  They scored 92 points this week, and went 0-2.  Excluding P.O.P., the rest of the Top Twenty best offenses in the league have a combined record of 109-36, while Passed Our Prime, once again, is 1-6.  What we're trying to say here is that the defense is letting this team down HARD, with a League worst 49.0 PPG allowed (by FAR the worst in the TSL).  Olsen can play.  His defense cannot.

 

#16 Matt Newman - Slytherin that end zone - (Previous Rank #15)

Last Week:  Lost to Losing Streak 43-28

 

Slytherin's mediocre defense (5th in their division) is "carrying" them to a 3-5 record in spite of their struggling offense (9th in their division).  Did they lose people in the off-season?  Someone will have to explain to us how this prolific offense suddenly fell apart, because we don't get it.  Newman's still a great QB... right?  

 

#17 Joe Miano - Jabronies - (Previous Rank #20)

Last Week:  Beat Woodpeckers 46-20, beat Buffalo Vice 32-23

 

The Jabronies are heating up at the right time, as Joe picks up wins over the Woodpeckers (yawn) and Buffalo Vice (impressive!).  This team struggles with attendance it seems, but when they have a full roster of capable athletes, Miano makes them absolutely dangerous.  They're not the "favorites" for D4 in most peoples eyes... but maybe they should be.

 

#18 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad - (Previous Rank #19)

Last Week:  Beat Not So Sticky 34-7

 

B picks up a dominating win this week and Practice Squad run their record to 6-2, tied for second best in their division.  There are six teams with winning records in what looks to be a pretty wide open field in D4, but B gives Practice Squad that veteran edge that could prove to make all the difference in tight playoff games.  We can't wait to see the Godfather's playoff odds for each team next week, but Practice Squad shouldn't be far behind anyone.

 

#19 Andy Clark - Buffalo Vice - (Previous Rank #17)

Last Week:  Lost to Jabronies 32-23

 

Buffalo Vice is right in the thick of the D4 playoff race, and this week's loss to Jabronies didn't help their cause.  The #1 seed is guaranteed an easy first round matchup with TOX, the #2 seed is likely to play Cobblestone, and then the #3-6 seeds are going to be a bloodbath as there are so many talented two-loss teams in this division right now.  Andy still has three games to play next week (if they're all scheduled) and how he plays will determine how difficult the Buffalo Vice playoff path becomes.

 

#20 Vince Taverna - All We Do is Quinn - (Previous Rank #16)

Last Week:  Lost to Wolfpack 31-20

 

The Top Ten in our Power Rankings seems like a lifetime ago for Vince Taverna, as Quinn drops to 3-3 on the season with a loss to Wolfpack.  AWDIQ have scored 2 more points than they've allowed on the season, and they look like the definition of mediocrity at this point.  Difficult to imagine them pulling off the upset of TopShot or Frodo Swaggins, but stranger things have happened.

 

#21 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless - (Previous Rank #21)

Last Week:  Lost to Mountain Dew Me 34-22

 

Scared Hitless won't be winning back-to-back championships this season as they were eliminated from playoff contention by Mountain Dew Me this week. It was a rough adjustment season for Dylan and Co this year, as it often is when you move up a division.  But although they lost more than they won, they actually had a lot of close games this season, nearly beating some top contenders along the way.  Scared Hitless gets one more chance for glory against A&A this week, and then the offseason gives them some time to reflect and retool for next season.

 

#22 Dave Baker - Interdimensional Lightning Falcons - (Previous Rank #22)

Last Week:  Beat the Bambs 32-0

 

ILF crushed a short handed Bambs this week for an easy win, and Dave Baker keeps his spot in the QB Power Rankings.  The Falcons finish their season against Puckett All-Stars, who beat them just a couple backs back.  Dave understands that confidence is everything heading into the playoffs, so expect him to pull out a gutsy performance to lock up a 6-3 season as the Falcons soar to their best record yet.

 

#23 T.J. Ferguson - Puckett All-Stars - (Previous Rank #31)

Last Week:  Beat Wasted Potential 34-33, beat the Bambs 42-40

 

We always seem to neglect someone super talented until WAY too late in the season.  Last week we finally recognized Zack Elphick, and this week we are LONG overdue in covering T.J. Ferguson in our Power Rankings (thank you Sentinel for pointing this out).  Puckett All-Stars are one game out of first place in D5, and they are the highest scoring non-gender team in the division as well.  Why haven't we ranked T.J. until now?  Our mistake, but we've corrected it now.  This team has more wins than anyone in D5 (Breast Friends keeps collecting forfeit wins) and they'll likely be the favorites once playoffs start in a couple weeks.

 

#24 "Coach" Jay Jaskier - Wasted Potential - (Previous Rank #23)

Last Week:  Lost to Puckett All-Stars 34-33

 

Wasted Potential started the season 3-1 and have since dropped four straight games.  We still think they're a good team (no team with Coach Jay leading the charge will ever NOT be a "good team") but if the playoffs started today their first round matchup would be against Puckett All-Stars, against whom they've already lost twice.  A five game losing streak is going to be tough to overcome in the playoffs, so look for Coach Jay to find a way to pull off the win against the Bambs this week.

 

#25 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone - (Previous Rank #24)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

No action from Darryl this week as Cobblestone has the week off.  Darryl presumably spent the weekend shooting Corona endorsements instead.

 

#26 Zack Elphick - Zack Attack - (Previous Rank #25)

Last Week:  Lost to University Wealth Management 37-8

 

Okay.  We need to talk about this.  How does a 7-0 team lose BADLY to an 0-7 team that it beat BADLY just the week before?  There must be a story here, because if this is "real" (i.e. no missing players, no sub shenanigans) then this is one of the most shocking upsets we have ever seen in touch football.  You know the betting line we gave to the Godfather last week was Zack Attack by 33?  And the Godfather predicted it would actually be 40?  We were wrong by 62 and 69 points.  Unheard of.  

 

#27 Nolan Perry - the Untouchaballs - (Previous Rank #27)

Last Week:  Beat Frodo Swaggins 38-25

 

The Untouchaballs beat Frodo Swaggins this week!  Those wins are always more impressive when Garrett is actually present, but you can only beat the players that show up to play you, as we always say.  Untouchaballs are 3-5, but in D3 that's actually right in the thick of the playoff race, as they're essentially only one game out of third place (only two teams have winning records).  Nolan's playing well and getting better every week.  It's not impossible that the 'Balls (gross nickname) can make some noise in the playoffs this year.

 

#28 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care - (Previous Rank #28)

Last Week:  Beat the Angels 33-28

 

Beating the Angels doesn't have the same luster it used to when Matty was under center, but it's still an incredible group of athletes to come out on top against.  Grey Hair - Don't Care is 4-4 and in third place in D3 right now, a game behind Frodo Swaggins for second place.  Eickhoff's a savvy vet and should be a difficult out in the playoffs... but we're not sure that they (or anyone else in D3) have got the consistency to take out TopShot.

 

#29 George Lombardo - Freeballers - (Previous Rank #26)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

George was not available this week for Freeballers, who won 36-6 in his absence.

 

#30 Nick Hawes - Spinelli's Plumbing - (Previous Rank #29)

Last Week:  Beat Lenny's Ladies 38-16

 

Finally, we reach the #1 highest scoring team in the entire TSL at 41.4 PPG.  Yes, Nick is Power Ranked 30th despite scoring more points than anyone else, which is what happens when you play in D6.  But we're not convinced he couldn't beat a lot of other QBs in higher divisions with the way he's been playing lately.  Spinelli's and Tater Tots are FINALLY set to battle it out for the #1 seed in D6 next week, and we'll spoil it for you right now: whichever QB wins that game will be the higher ranked in next week's final Power Rankings.

 

#31 Mark Harzynski - Tater Tots - (Previous Rank #30)

Last Week:  Beat Graves Bros 22-20

 

Tater Tots win again, and although Mark doesn't have the same stats as Nick (Tater Tots are 19th in the League offensively) he DOES have them sitting at the same 7-1 record heading into the final game of the season.  We'll copy and paste from the above: "Spinelli's and Tater Tots are FINALLY set to battle it out for the #1 seed in D6 next week, and we'll spoil it for you right now: whichever QB wins that game will be the higher ranked in next week's final Power Rankings."  Should be a great battle.

 

#32 Brian Orzechowski - Vaspian - (Previous Rank #32)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Brian didn't play this week, but Vaspian remains one of the more underrated teams in the League.  They play in a challenging D3 so their 1-6 record doesn't reflect it, but they're really not a bad team, and if they dropped down to D4 they might be right in the thick of that playoff race.  If they choose to stay in D3 next session they'll probably need a couple more pieces around Brian to be competitive, but they're not that far off.  Brian is a good player and remains in the #32 spot in the Power Rankings this week.

 

#33 Ward Blewitt - Wolfpack - (Previous Rank #36)

Last Week:  Beat All We Do is Quinn 31-20

 

Wolfpack struggled early in the season, but they've got two wins in a row now over AWDIQ and Grey Hair - Don't Care, and were three points away from a win over the Angels before that.  If they're figuring out how to win at this point in the season against some pretty decent teams, that's encouraging for their playoff chances.  Also, can we talk about how much everyone LIKES Ward?  If you don't know him, he's one of the nicest guys in the League, which makes him easy to root for.

 

#34 John Langley - Travis Henry's Kids - (Previous Rank #35)

Last Week:  Beat the BiPolar Express 38-24

 

John Langley, our D6 Division All-Star choice at QB, is finally getting his recognition in our QB Power Rankings this week.  John has one of the strongest arms in the League, and has led Travis Henry's Kids to some impressive comeback wins this season.  THK still seem like they're a half step behind Spinelli's and the Tots in D6, but John is a good enough QB to potentially pull off the big upset in the playoffs.  Keep an eye on these guys.

 

#35 Mike Boccio - Not a Starting QB, Anywhere - (Previous Rank: Not Ranked, of course)

Last Week:  Beat the Stone Cold Kellers / Keller Whales 43-8

 

What the hell is Mike Boccio doing in our QB Power Rankings?  He's not even a "real" quarterback.  We can only assume he was inspired by his selection to the D1 All-Star Team in last week's article and tried QBing in Breakfast Club this week in a desperate attempt to get mentioned again.  Regardless... he actually did (surprisingly) really well, scoring 43 points against the Stone Cold Keller Whales (we're using their full, unofficial name) and leading Drive Me CURRazy to a big win.  No, we don't think he's good enough to hold on to the job (Brian > Bocc)... but maybe he's good enough to take Tommy's back-up QB job on Public Enemy?  

 

 

 

***

 

Stats and Charts: The Best and Worst of the TSL

 

A few weeks ago we gave you a chart with the Top Ten Best (and Worst) offenses and defenses in the TSL.  We're going to give you something a little bigger this time... the full ranking of EVERY team's Offensive and Defensive rankings so far this season.  There are 52 teams excluding Breakfast Club, so you may have to zoom in quite a bit to find your team, especially if (like most of you) you're reading this from your phone.

 

We've color coded the chart to make it easier (we hope) to see not only how you stack up against the rest of the TSL, but also your own division rivals.  As always, we've removed forfeit wins and losses from each team's totals.

 

Enjoy!

 

 

 

What did we learn from this?

 

Spinelli's Plumbing vs Tater Tots will be the battle of elite offense vs elite defense this week

 

TopShot and Tight Ends in Motion are in first place for a reason, as they rate well on both charts.

 

Passed Our Prime's defense is just SO much worse than everyone else's.

 

In prior years we've seen a division be REALLY offense heavy (see: last year's D4 with the Angels, Stunts, Buffalo Solar and Uncle Rico's) or really defense heavy, but this year it seems like a much more even distribution, as each division has some great teams on each side of the ball.  Take a look at the average points each team is scoring by game in each division below:  D3 is the lowest scoring and D2 is the highest, but the difference is negligible.

 

 

Look at your division above - if you're scoring more points per game than your average, your QB is probably doing a decent job and you should stop blaming him for your bad record.  If you're scoring WAY fewer points than that... well, maybe you start thinking about free agency for a new QB next Fall.

 

**

 

Final Observations

  • There were three undefeated teams last week... and two of them lost this week!  Your LAST remaining undefeated team is TopShot in D3.  Maybe they should have tried D2 after all?
  • There were three winless teams last week... and one of them actually won last week!  Your two remaining winless teams are Why So Serious? (D1) and Juiced (D6).  One chance for glory left next week.
  • The longest winning streak in the League belongs to Top Shot at 8 games in a row.  
  • The longest losing streak in the League belongs to Why So Serious at 9 games in a row, dating back to last Fall.  University Wealth Management previously HAD the longest losing streak in the League (15 games, dating back to last Fall) but pulled off the stunning upset over undefeated Zack Attack this week.  Amazing. 
  • There have been 8 shutouts so far this season, including Public Enemy over Sticky Bandits (33-0), Freeballers over Woodpeckers (30-0), Tater Tots over Lenny's Ladies (52-0), Cobblestone over Woodpeckers (30-0), Freeballers over Itches and Ohs (51-0), Zack Attack over University Wealth Management (38-0), ILF over Bambs (32-0), and Breast Friends over Show Me Dem TDs (34-0).  This does not include 3 forfeits this season (which are marked as 21-0 scores), including Bambs to Breast Friends, Show me dem TDs to Breast Friends, and Why So Serious to Sticky Bandits.
  • Freeballers are the only team with two "legitimate" shutout wins (Breast Friends somehow has two forfeit wins and one actual shutout win, so three of their games with "zero points allowed"), and Woodpeckers are the only team with two "legitimate" shutout losses (the Bambs have a forfeit shutout and an actual shutout).  The Sticky Bandits have a true shutout loss, and a forfeit shutout win.   
  • How would our Power Rankings change if we included Breakfast Club?  Does Travis get more respect as the only undefeated Breakfast Club QB1?  Does Garrett Beesing take a hit for the winless Steph It Up a Notch season?

 

 

And that's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you think our charts are a letdown after last week's controversial Division All Star teams?  you want more/less coverage of Boccio's quest to be #1 in the QB Power Rankings?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

The Final Rankings

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
Created: Thursday, 17 June 2021 17:17
Published: Thursday, 17 June 2021 17:17
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 281

 

 

"The harder you WORK, the harder it is to SURRENDER"- Marv Levy, Buffalo Bills

 

Hello and welcome back to your final TSL Quarterback Power Rankings of the 2021 Spring Season!  We don't do playoff updates, so this is all you get for the rest of the season (you'll have to make do with the much better articles written by the Godfather and the Sentinel next week).

 

This is what we have for you in our final edition of this session:

  • The Official Spring 2021 TSL QB Power Rankings - For the first (and hopefully only) time in history we've expanded to the Top 40 QBs in the League.  More QB coverage than ever!
  • Division Review - In depth coverage of each divisions leaders on offense, defense and net point differentials, plus playoff "predictions" (kind of) and a final look at favorites, contenders, and pretenders.
  • Final Observations on the season

So let's get right to it.  Here are the Final TSL QB Power Rankings for the season:

 

 

#1 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Beat Sloppy Seconds 41-20

 

Tight Ends in Motion are the #1 seed and the #1 offense and the #1 defense and the #1 point differential in the #1 division.  Bro isn't a "contender" for the D1 championship anymore, he is the favorite to win the whole damn thing.  This team is locked and loaded for a playoff run after their first round bye this week.

 

#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Eyes Downtown snuck into a first round bye on their day off courtesy of a Public Enemy upset loss.  Bobby has a better record than Cole and a higher points per game, so he enters the playoffs as the #2 QB in our final Power Rankings of the year.

 

#3 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #2)

Last Week:  Lost to Why So Serious 48-43

 

Scoring 43 points isn't bad.  Losing to a 0-8 squad with a first round bye on the line IS bad (even if a full Why So Serious team is hugely underrated).  Public Enemy doesn't have the aura of invincibility they've had in previous seasons.  Is this the end of the line for the Champs or just a blip in the road we'll talk about after they repeat in a couple weeks?

 

#4 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Victorious Secret - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Beat XTC 62-14 (Losing Streak), beat Travis Henry's Kids 44-36, lost to the BiPolar Express 61-35

 

We agonized over the #4 vs #5 rankings this week, as Jordan and Dean are 1a and 1b in their division right now.  Losing Streak finished the 2021 Spring Season on a six game winning streak and locked up the #1 highest scoring offense in the entire TSL at 42.2 PPG (over 11 PPG higher than Peachy).  We don't know which red hot QB is "better" going into playoffs, but the tie went to the guy with the stats (AND the head-to-head win against Peachy Platoon way back in Week One).

 

#5 Dean Thompson - Peachy Platoon - (Previous Rank #4)

Last Week:  Beat Slytherin that end zone 34-32

 

Imagine winning seven games in a row to end your season (the longest current streak in the League!), overcoming roster absences and playing short handed and using subs along the way, just to get demoted in the last Power Rankings of the year.  Is it fair?  Of course not - we KNOW that, but here we are.  Dean and Jordan seemed destined to clash in the playoffs, if neither team gets upset in the early rounds.  We have no idea who we'd bet on to win that game.

 

#6 Joey Batts - Mountain Dew Me / Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #6)

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 45-36 (Mountain Dew Me), beat TOX 29-22 (Cunning Stunts)

 

Joey QBed for the 5th and 12th highest scoring teams in the TSL this season, going a combined 14-3 (excluding a forfeit).  If you've forgotten about how good he is (since he no longer has his own podcast to talk about it every week), he'll be happy to remind you in the playoffs.  

 

#7 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Did not play this week, but the Sticky Bandits finished fourth in D1 in record, offense, defense and point differential this season courtesy of a Sloppy Seconds loss to Tight Ends in Motion this week.

 

#8 Alex Buchlis - Sloppy Seconds - (Previous Rank #8)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Did not play this week, marking two weeks in a row without Buchlis at the fields.  We imagine he's played enough games in his career that rust won't be a factor for playoffs, but you never know.

 

#9 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins - (Previous Rank #11)

Last Week:  Beat TopShot 48-33

 

Maybe we shouldn't crown TopShot just yet.  Garrett led Frodo Swaggins to a win against his previously undefeated opponent this week and sent a message that D3 is still up for grabs.  Frodo Swaggins is STILL undefeated this year when Garrett QBs; Dylan cannot say the same (see the division review at the bottom of this article for more detail).  We cannot imagine any D3 finals other than these two teams.

 

#10 Dylan Jaloza - TopShot - (Previous Rank #11)

Last Week:  Lost to Frodo Swaggins 48-33

 

Dylan finished with the best record and the highest scoring offense in D3, and he's not even the highest ranked QB in his own division?  Seems questionable at best, corrupt at worst (is Garrett funneling his charitable donations to the Power Rankings Committee?).  That's what happens when you drop the biggest game of the season to your biggest rival though.  TopShot will still be the favorites for D3 over the coming weeks, but they got a gut check this week that nothing is a given.

 

#11 Travis Cleavenger - Breast Friends / A&A - (Previous Rank #9)

Last Week:  Played half a game for A&A, no game for Breast Friends

 

Impossible to legitimately rank Travis at this point.  He's been benched on A&A for the returning Matty Ice* so at this point he's quarterbacking for a D5 gender team that has only played six games this session and an undefeated Breakfast Club team (which doesn't REALLY count for our Power Rankings).  What do we do with that?  A Power Ranking of 11th felt right to us, but an argument could be made for much higher or much lower, depending on how you feel about his backup work with A&A this season.

 

*Note that we're leaving Matty out of the Power Rankings entirely this week for similar reasons.  How DO we evaluate someone who missed half the season, and played other games through obvious injury?  The answer is, we don't.  Matty will resume his place at the top of the Power Rankings next session we're sure... unless he decides to build another house or something instead.

 

#12 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries / TOX - (Previous Rank #13)

Last Week:  Lost to A&A 43-22, beat Passed Our Prime 41-28

 

Several weeks ago we were convinced Topper would come crashing back to earth after a hot start with When Dove Cries... but it never really happened.  They've continued to play well (even this week without several crucial players) and Topper has looked like a "young" man again.  He finishes the season a long shot to win any championships, but still #12 in our Power Rankings.

 

#13 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #12)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Dubey misses a game, XTC gets destroyed.  This team is capable of being very good or very bad in any given week, mostly due to attendance it seems.  Dubey had Dilfs as the favorite to win D2 last season and then missed the playoffs.  Will he show up this year?

 

#14 Scott Drosendahl - Bullet Club - (Previous Rank #14)

Last Week:  Lost to Mountain Dew Me 45-36

 

Bullet Club has lost their seventh in a row after starting the season 2-0.  Scotty doesn't drop in the Power Rankings (fortunately for him no one below him really justified a rise either) but confidence must be low for the Club right now heading into playoffs with zero momentum (unless you count downward momentum).

 

#15 Jeremy Olsen - Passed Our Prime - (Previous Rank #18)

Last Week:  Lost to When Dove Cries 41-28

 

The Passed Our Prime season is over with a 1-8 record (and 0 for 9 on Bloomfield sightings).  We didn't see that coming after their dominant indoor season... maybe Robin Makula was a bigger part of that team than we thought?  The talent was there (when they showed up) and Olsen finished 9th in the TSL in overall points per game, but they couldn't overcome the worst defense in recent memory.  

 

#16 Matt Newman - Slytherin that end zone - (Previous Rank #15)

Last Week:  Lost to Peachy Platoon 34-32

 

The Slytherin regular season sputters to an end as QB inconsistency and inability to win close games doomed them to a 3-6 record.  It's not impossible they get their act together for a playoff run... but they haven't really given us a reason to suspect that's coming either.  Will we see Newman in the Top Ten again next session, or is this a sign of things to come?

 

#17 Andy Clark - Buffalo Vice - (Previous Rank #19)

Last Week:  Beat Woodpeckers 51-38, beat Freeballers 51-34

 

A 102 point final week is enough to propel Andy up to the #17 Ranking and a four way tie for first place with a 7-2 record.  The Buffalo Vice defense wasn't great this season, but Andy more than made up for it with offensive firepower.  It'll be interesting to see if Vice ends up as the Godfather's favorite to win the division (they're OUR pick, if we get one).

 

#18 Joe Miano - Jabronies - (Previous Rank #17)

Last Week:  Beat Freeballers 28-21

 

Joe wrapped up a 7-2 campaign with a thrilling comeback win over Freeballers and has his team looking better than ever as playoffs approach.  This is a balanced squad with great athletes on both sides of the ball - if we get the "good" version of Jabronies to show up (always attendance question marks here) they'll be a tough out.

 

#19 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad - (Previous Rank #18)

Last Week:  Lost to Itches and Ohs 37-22

 

With a shot at 7-2 and a share of first place on the line, the Squad couldn't get the job done, falling to Itches and Ohs 37-22 to end their regular season at 6-3.  Clearly this division suites them better than D5 (remember when Practice Squad and Mountain Dew Me were ruining that division last season?) as they're right in the thick of this playoff race.  We believe in B but damn... imagine finishing 6-3 and being "rewarded" with a first round matchup against Buffalo Vice.  

 

#20 T.J. Ferguson - Puckett All-Stars - (Previous Rank #23)

Last Week:  Beat Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 32-20

 

It took us forever to recognize T.J. but now we can't look away.  Puckett finishes the regular season 7-2 and with one of the best offenses in the division (part-time team Breast Friends has better points per game, when teams don't forfeit against them).  This is THE pick to win the division by most, and will surely get the best odds by the Godfather this week (we think).

 

#21 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless - (Previous Rank #21)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

We're told that it was a backup QB (Johnny Football?) who led Scared Hitless to a thrilling comeback down 27-0 against A&A with ~16 minutes left in the game.  Amazing story... doesn't help Dylan's QB rating.  We don't THINK this will lead to a QB switch next season, but what do we know?

 

#22 Dave Baker - Interdimensional Lightning Falcons - (Previous Rank #22)

Last Week:  Lost to Puckett All-Stars 32-20

 

I.L.F. finishes their first season with Dave Baker with a winning record (the first for this team) and a first round matchup against the Bambs (who they've beaten twice this season).  They don't seem to be a threat to Puckett at this point (outscored 75-50 in two losing efforts this season) but the playoffs are a different animal and anything can happen.

 

#23 Terrell Bolden - Why So Serious? - (Previous Rank N/R)

Last Week:  Beat Public Enemy 48-43

 

T-Time is NOT the 23rd best quarterback in the League, let's start with that.  He beat freakin' PUBLIC ENEMY this week in one of the biggest upsets of the year!  But he also hasn't been available for his team most of the season, and they were 0-8 coming into this week as a result.  How do you balance a Top Ten talent with a Bottom Ten reliability?  You split the difference and rank him 23rd, apparently.

 

#24 Vince Taverna - All We Do is Quinn - (Previous Rank #20)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Vince doesn't show up, Quinn gets destroyed, and their regular season ends with a 7th place finish.  We did NOT see this coming for the perennial D3 favorites.  We have almost no faith that they'll turn it around for the playoffs (TopShot and Frodo look way too good right now, and the Angels and Grey Hair - Don't Care ALSO look like better teams) but wouldn't it be fun if we were wrong again?

 

#25 "Coach" Jay Jaskier - Wasted Potential - (Previous Rank #24)

Last Week:  Lost to the Bambs 46-30

 

Wasted Potential started 3-1 and limped to the finish line with five straight losses.  Coach Jay is doing the best he can but D5 looks too strong right now to survive his team's last place defense... and Wasted Potential has a first round matchup with Puckett All-Stars this week.  Yikes.  Feels like an early playoff exit and then free agency where Jay will have to get a few more weapons around him to compete next season.

 

#26 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care - (Previous Rank #28)

Last Week:  Beat the Angels 37-33

 

Grey Hair - Don't Care went 3-0 against the Angels this week, and 2-4 against everyone else in their division.  Unfortunately for Eickhoff and Co, they do NOT draw the Angels for the third week in a row for playoffs, but Untouchaballs should still be a winnable matchup for them as their first game this season was decided by only 2 points.

 

#27 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone - (Previous Rank #25)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Cobblestone somehow crammed an entire season into only 22 days (not an exaggeration), taking bye weeks early and bye weeks/forfeits late.  In 22 days they went 3-5, and they haven't played since May 29th.  We think rust isn't a factor for someone like Darryl who's got to be right up there for all-time TSL games played, but that first round matchup against Jabronies is going to be a tough one.

 

#28 Zack Elphick - Zack Attack - (Previous Rank #26)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Due to an Elphick wedding, Zack attack gets the week off and takes a forfeit loss to cost them the #1 seed.  Seems preventable, but okay! 

 

#29 Nolan Perry - the Untouchaballs - (Previous Rank #27)

Last Week:  Beat Vaspian 31-6

 

One last dominant victory of the year wraps up the Untouchaballs regular season at 4-5 and right in the thick of the D3 standings.  They started the season 0-3 and are 4-2 since, so this team is definitely trending in the right direction as playoffs approach.  Don't count them out against Grey Hair - Don't Care this week, Untouchaballs could easily be playing in the D3 semi-finals next week.

 

#30 Nick Hawes - Spinelli's Plumbing - (Previous Rank #29)

Last Week:  Beat Tater Tots 33-21

 

Question: answered.  Spinelli's is the strongest team in D6 this session, Tater Tots is #2.  Spinelli's finishes the season fourth in the TSL in offensive points per game, and Nick has established himself as a force to be reckoned with in the D6 playoffs.  Looks like Spinelli's lost one game back on May 8th to TMA and has won six in a row since.  Don't bet against these guys.

 

#31 Mark Harzynski - Tater Tots - (Previous Rank #30)

Last Week:  Lost to Spinelli's Plumbing 33-21

 

No, Mark didn't play this week, so HE hasn't lost to Spinelli's yet (even if his team has).  If Tater Tots want to beat Spinelli's in the playoffs they're going to need Mark to show up though.  Unless TMA crashes the party, these WILL be the D6 Finals teams, and we can't wait to see what both teams can do at full strength.

 

#32 Ward Blewitt - Wolfpack - (Previous Rank #33)

Last Week:  Beat All We Do is Quinn 20-6

 

Wolfpack continues to peak at the right time winning their third in a row after starting the season 1-5 (it would be four in a row if not for a 3 point loss to the Angels before that).  Ward beats Quinn and sets up a first round date with the Angels this week.  Momentum vs Girl Power.  Who are you betting on?

 

#33 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs - (Previous Rank #36)

Last Week:  Beat Practice Squad 37-22

 

The Mosers may think there's a conspiracy against their quarterback as they proclaim him a "Top Ten" or "Top Fifteen QB" in this League... but there are 24 QBs that play in a higher division against better competition (D2 games are harder to win than D4 games) and there are 27 quarterbacks that have scored more points per game than Itches and Ohs (who are fifth even in their own division in scoring).  Simply put, there is no metric other than pure wins and losses that would put Steve in the Top Fifteen (there are 15 teams that are 7-2 or better, so if we ignored level of competition AND offensive output, then sure, but that's a stretch).  It's not personal Steve, it's numbers.  More on that in the Division Recaps below.

 

#34 Brian Orzechowski - Vaspian - (Previous Rank #32)

Last Week:  Lost to Untouchaballs 31-6

 

Brian's injury apparently has him playing some QB and some receiver.  He's good at both, but not by enough to beat the surging Untouchaballs this week.  Vaspian has the incredible misfortune of playing TopShot this week, and we don't think they've got the guns to win that shootout.

 

#35 John Langley - Travis Henry's Kids - (Previous Rank #34)

Last Week:  Beat the BiPolar Express 38-24

 

Travis Henry's Kids finish a strong debut season in the TSL with a 5-4 record and a win over the BiPolar Express.  John's arm talent has impressed many throughout the League this season and this team could be one to keep an eye on for future sessions... but their 31 point loss to Spinelli's last month makes us wonder if they can really contend right now in the Spring of 2021.

 

#36 Gordon Kus - The BiPolar Express - (Previous Rank #38)

Last Week:  Beat Victorious Secret 61-35

 

Gordon dropped 61 points on Victorious Secret this week? We can only assume that's a team record (our record keeping isn't THAT great, but wouldn't you think 61 would be a record?).  He really knows how to utilize his players as BPX finishes the season in the top third of the League for total offense.

 

#37 Joe K - Lenny's Ladies - (Previous Rank #37)

Last Week:     Lost to TMA 54-0

 

This week was not kind to Lenny's Ladies with a 54-0 shutout, but that's the nature of gender teams - some weeks you have all your talent and you're competitive, other weeks your girls have conflicts with their "primary" teams and you're scrambling to put a team together.  Joe K guided the Ladies to a 3-6 record this season to take the last D6 playoff spot after missing last season with an injury.  Their prize: a date with Spinelli's Plumbing in Round One.  Ouch.

 

#38 Anthony Buono - The Bambs - (Previous Rank #39)

Last Week:  Beat Wasted Potential 46-30

 

The Bambs scored 46 in a big win to grab some momentum heading into the playoffs.  Sure, they haven't beaten the Interdimensional Lightning Falcons yet in two tries this season, but you know what they say about the third time being a charm.  The Bambs finished the Spring 2021 season ranked fifth in offense, defense and point differential, so they're just a hair below average on the season.  If they can get their whole team together and fired up, it could be the start of a successful playoff run.

 

#39 Mike Boccio - Not a Starting QB, Anywhere - (Previous Rank #35)

Last Week:  Lost to Peanut Butter Kelly Time 38-14

 

Last week Mr. Boccio made history as the lowest ranked quarterback in the history of our article at #35.  He narrowly avoids that fate this week dropping to #39 after a loss to Peanut Butter Kelly Time in Breakfast Club.  We'd like to see him actually try QBing his own team next session, it seems like he's good enough.  A seventh gender team maybe (a name jumps to mind, but we can't print it)?  His own breakfast club team?  Or maybe he can replace Tommy on TOX, the way he replaced him as Public Enemy's QB2?

 

#40 Sean Weisensal - Freeballers - (Previous Rank N/R)

Last Week:  Lost to Buffalo Vice 51-34, lost to Jabronies 28-21 (did not start)

 

We're not ranking Sean "last" here - his #40 Ranking is more a reflection of the fact that he's seemingly just taking over the Freeballers starting position now in the last week of the season, so we don't have a big sample size yet.  We thought George Lombardo was doing well, but rumor has it that the team mutinied and installed Sean as their QB this week.  Sean rallied the team back to take a late lead in the Jabronies game, then scored 34 against Buffalo Vice.  Combine that with his 36-6 thrashing of TOX the week before and maybe he's good enough to make some noise in the D4 playoffs as QB?  Of course the huge downside to this move is that Freeballers are now missing their top receiver, but maybe the sacrifice is worth it.

 

 

...Whoa, whoa, that can't be IT, can it?  We named forty QBs and your guy STILL didn't make the list? Maybe that's because you never wrote to us at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. to tell us about him!  Remember, we can do this better if you write to us and HELP us.  Keep that in mind for next session.

 

***

 

Division Review

 

For our final stats review of the season, we're going to show you the following:

  • The breakdown of best offenses, defenses and net point differentials per division
  • A graph of average point differentials per game for each division with the same "Favorites, Contenders, Pretenders" logic we used earlier this year (if you're winning games by an average of 6+ PPG, you're a Favorite in green; if you're losing by an average of 6+ PPG, you're a Pretender in red; all other teams are yellow in the middle; these are not OUR judgments on who falls into each category, it's strictly based on the math)
  • A quick twitter sized recap of the division heading into playoffs, and then identifying which teams are "overrated" and "underrated" in each group.  Note that these last two categories are based purely on what we see in the scores and stats, NOT our own personal feelings of players on each team (we might personally think Joey Batts is overrated, but if the underlying numbers say his teams are in fact underrated, that's where we'll include them below) so TRY not to be offended.

 

And away we go.

 

Division 1

 

 

The Headline:  It's Tight Ends in Motion's division to lose, with two realistic challengers and three "they could upset some teams, but not three times in a row" teams

 

Underrated:  Statistically, it's Tight Ends in Motion.  Look, sometimes the favorite is the most underrated, and that's exactly the case here.  They're outscoring Eyes Downtown by 4.2 PPG and every other team in the division by at least 9 PPG.  Their defense has been debatably even better as they're allowing less than 20 PPG (almost 9 PPT better than everyone else in their division), and just look at the graph above: the point differentials aren't even close.  This team has lost once all season to Eyes Downtown, and they've had only one other close game.  If you're not betting on TEIM, you're not paying attention.

 

Overrated:  The numbers don't say that Public Enemy is "overrated": they say that they're third in their division in Offense and second in their division in Defense.  It FEELS as if they're overrated as favorites by the TSL though, as their performance hasn't matched their reputation as "the champs".  They could still win the whole thing (they were considered the favorites by many until VERY recently), and then being "overrated" will seem like a bad joke, but the numbers right now do not support that this is their division to lose.

 

 

Division 2

 

 

The Headline:  Three teams stand alone as clear favorites; a couple others have a shot at an upset run, but the rest of them aren't going to go the distance

 

Underrated:  When Dove Cries may have a quarterback born during the Nixon administration, but they also have the best chance of knocking off the three favorites in the playoffs.  They beat Losing Streak early in the season, they tied Peachy Platoon, and they only lost badly to A&A when they were missing several players this past week.  No other team has had more success against D2's elite.  And other than that A&A game, their only other losses were by 14 to Mountain Dew Me and 6 to XTC, so they still haven't been badly beaten while at full strength.  

 

Overrated:  They're not "overrated" as a team because they are and SHOULD be among the favorites to win the division, but we'll say statistically that Losing Streak are the most "overrated" team here simply because of their inflated point differentials.  Two of their biggest wins were against a shorthanded Passed Our Prime (won by 55) and a QB-less XTC (won by 48).  Throw out those two outliers and their average point differential drops from 16.78 PPG (best in the division) to 6.86 PPG (which would still leave them in the "favorites" category, but now in third place behind A&A and Peachy Platoon).  We're not blaming Losing Streak for running up the score in these games (it's not their fault when the other teams' players don't show up) but the math suggests that they're not really a full touchdown better than their competition when they're playing against full teams.

 

 

Division 3

 

 

The Headline:  TopShot are massive favorites, while other flawed contenders try to knock them off on the road to D3 glory.

 

Underrated:  Frodo Swaggins may be the most underrated team in the League right now, as they have still not lost a game with their starting Quarterback present.  Look at the charts above and you'll see that they're ranked third in offense, sixth in defense, and fifth in total point differential (a negative point differential for a second place team is VERY rare, but more on that later).  Fine, but nothing that would make you think they're going to win a division.  If we adjusted their metrics to erase the games that Garrett missed (and similarly adjusted their opponents for those games to pretend those games didn't happen as well) Frodo would jump from third/sixth/fifth in offense/defense/net points to first/third/second in those same categories.  Yes, when Garrett is present, his team is actually outscoring TopShot on a per game basis (and that's NOT including an adjustment for the game he subbed for them and put up 56 points).  If the TSL gave out Spring MVP awards, this would be our argument for why it's Garrett Beesing by a mile.

 

Overrated:  Grey Hair - Don't Care are one of only three teams with a winning record in D3, but that's about the only thing they have in common with TopShot and Frodo Swaggins.  Of their five wins, three of them came against one team (the Angels, against whom they obviously match up well) and the fourth was against Frodo when they were missing their MVP QB.  Their only other win this season came against last place Vaspian.  They're not overrated as athletes (again, that's never what we're trying to say here, the team is loaded with good athletes) but as the #3 seed and a team with a winning record you would expect them to have more encouraging big wins this season, and they're just not there.

 

 

Division 4

 

 

The Headline:  The TSL's most wide open division with several viable contenders (and a few that either missed the playoffs or have no realistic shot of winning them)

 

Underrated:  Buffalo Vice are the fourth seed in their division, but they have the best offense, best point differential, and they're tied for the best record in the division.  We're splitting hairs a bit here because no one in this division is statistically "underrated" (most good teams have winning records at the expense of Not So Sticky and Woodpeckers losing everything) but Buffalo Vice may get lost in the shuffle a bit as the fourth seed, and the stats say they're probably the most complete team in the division (by a very small amount over Jabronies)

 

Overrated:  At the risk of yet another complaint on Facebook, there's only one clear answer to this question:  Itches and Ohs, IT'S NOT PERSONAL, but your team finished with the best record on tie-breakers... and also a negative point differential on the season.  We cannot recall this ever happening before for a first place team.   There's a theorem created by Bill James for baseball that ESPN now uses to analyze football which boils down to "point differential is a better indicator of FUTURE winning percentage than winning percentage itself" (google it if you want). In other words the fact that you won close games in the past doesn't mean you'll win them in the future; your point differential is a better estimate of how you'll do in future games.  And in this case, the first place team in D4 ranks seventh in their division in point differential.  It's no disrespect to your quarterback or your athletes to say that the MATH suggests you're a long-shot to win the division.

 

 

Division 5

 

 

The Headline:  Two favorites, two teams clearly good enough to win the whole things, four other longshots.

 

Underrated:  Puckett All-Stars have won six in a row since starting 1-2, and they've topped 40 points scored in four of those games.  Clearly peaking at the right time and with the second best point differential in the division, this is the most "underrated" team in D5 (if any team that Topper has consistently predicted will win the division can be considered "underrated").

 

Overrated:  We'll give you two: First, Zack Attack has a legit defense that deserves all the credit it gets... but they can only bail out their 6th ranked offense so many times before they run out of good luck.  Throw out their huge 38-0 win over University Wealth Management (who crushed them in turn the next week) and their point differential on the year goes down to +1 point.  Not one point per game, but one point total.  Zack was very fortunate to go 7-2 (7-1 not counting their forfeit!) outscoring their competition by exactly one massacre win plus one other point throughout the season.  We don't think that will translate into a deep playoff run, as their luck eventually runs out.

 

Second, Breast Friends went 4-2 this season.  That's a good record, but it's not a 7-2 record.  We've never seen a team benefit from THREE forfeit wins in a single season before.  Of course that doesn't mean they wouldn't have won those games anyway, as they might have finished 7-2 regardless.  But: they haven't proven they're a 7-2 team yet, they've proven they're a team that has won two out of three.  That extrapolates to a 6-3 season, which would have been good for third in the division, not first.  Great team, but "overrated" as a #1 seed.

 

 

Division 6

 

 

The Headline:  Two big favorites and a handful of dark horse contenders, with three teams that are not even close to contention yet.

 

Underrated:  Easily TMA.  We talk about Spinelli's vs Tater Tots as THE feud in this division, but TMA is just a game behind the Tots in the standings, they ALSO boast a huge point differential at +11.6 PPG, and they're the only team that's actually beaten Spinelli's Plumbing this season (which immediately makes them contenders).  One of their losses was even to a D4 team, so that barely even counts! (Never mind how that team has done since they got moved up to D4...).

 

Overrated:  Ehh... no obvious candidates for an overrated team in D6 this session, as each team's record generally matches its performance.  If we had to pick one though (and we do!) we'll choose Lenny's Ladies only because their record is three games better than Juiced, but their average point differential is actually worse.  This is likely a product of attendance issues throughout the season that caused them to lose a few games by huge amounts.  With each division playing at different timeslots for round one of the playoffs, it's possible that Lenny's Ladies gets all their players and has a dominant performance this week.  But we're basing our analysis on past results, and that -15.7 PPG looks daunting when their first round matchup is against Spinelli's Plumbing and their +16.0 PPG.

 

**

 

Final Observations on the Season

  • There was one undefeated team last week... and then they lost.  With TopShot's loss against Frodo Swaggins this week, there were NO TSL teams (outside of the Clarke's Breakfast Club team) that went undefeated this session.  That marks three seasons in a row without a true undefeated squad in the main League.
  • There were two remaining winless teams last week between Why So Serious? (D1) and Juiced (D6)... and Why So Serious pulled off a huge upset over the defending D1 champions to strike its name from that list.  In the process Juice became the only winless team this session (there weren't any last Fall).  Hopefully they make a few roster changes and stick with it in the Fall session.  Losing isn't fun, but it DOES make you appreciate eventually winning that much more.
  • The longest winning streak in the League now belongs to Peachy Platoon at 7 games in a row (8 games unbeaten, since they tied the game before that).  Can you BELIEVE we knocked Dean down in the Power Rankings this week??
  • With upset wins by Why So Serious and University Wealth Management the last couple weeks, the longest losing streak in the League now belongs to Juiced at 9 games in a row.
  • This was the largest season in recent memory with 52 teams in our standard divisions and 8 breakfast club teams.  We generally leave the philosophizing and deep reflection to our other website contributors who do it much better than we do, but damn, that's really impressive that we pulled it off even with the looming threat of COVID still around at the beginning of the season.  You just can't stop the TSL it seems.

 

And that's it for this season!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you wanted us to rank all 52 starting QBs this year?  you have better ideas for other people/positions/t-shirts/league executives that we can rank?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

Week 6 Rankings

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
Created: Thursday, 03 June 2021 18:19
Published: Thursday, 03 June 2021 18:19
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 307

 

“It’s almost exciting to think about all the room for improvement that we have” ~ Geno Smith

 

Hello and welcome back to your TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  There are only two weeks left in the regular season and then the quest for playoff immortality begins.  Do you feel good about where your team is today? (You can be honest... you thought they'd be better.)

 

This is what we have for you this week:

  • The TSL QB Power Rankings - Top 30 in the League, our most expansive Power Rankings of the season (so far!)
  • Division by Division All-Star Teams - We'll pick a TSL All-Star team for each division... finally, some recognition for non-quarterbacks!  Did YOU make your division's All-Star Team??? Find out below!
  • Final Observations

So let's get right to it.  Here are the Week Six TSL QB Power Rankings:

 

 

#1 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 51-24

 

Bro's six wins this season have come by 17, 27, 32, 32, 34 and 45 points.  Did we mention he's doing this in D1?  If there's a knock on Tight Ends in Motion right now (and there really isn't) it's that we haven't seen them pull off a win under pressure yet... because they've rarely been under pressure.  This is the highest scoring team in the TSL that doesn't exclusively score gender TDs.  So what do we do next week if TEIM loses to Public Enemy and confirms that they can't REALLY win the big one against their biggest rival when P.E. is at full strength? 

 

#2 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #2)

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 43-34, beat Sloppy Seconds 44-43

 

Two incredibly close wins over teams that Public Enemy was expected to blow out was a bit shocking to watch, but don't blame the offense for those near collapses: Cole scored 87 points in putting on an offensive clinic last week.  Public Enemy hasn't been nearly as dominant this season as Tight Ends in Motion, and yet the prevailing wisdom is that they'll step it up a notch and win when it matters in the playoffs.  Will they though?  And will Public Enemy pull out all the stops this week to lock in the #1 seed, or will they hold something back for playoffs?

 

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Beat Why So Serious 34-33 (Eyes Downtown), lost to TopShot 56-25 (subbing for the Angels)

 

Why So Serious came one two point conversion away from a huge upset for their first W of the year, and some say it was not without controversy on that final play.  Regardless, Eyes Downtown walk away with the thrilling win and a realistic shot at a first round bye for the playoffs still in sight: if Bobby wins his last two games of the season (he should) and Public Enemy beats TEIM (they could) then Eyes Downtown should leapfrog TEIM for the #2 seed and earn a week off.  Not bad for a team that has been the afterthought "third best" team in D1 this season despite having stud athletes across the board AND one of the best QBs in the game.

 

#4 Dean Thompson - Peachy Platoon - (Previous Rank #4)

Last Week:  Beat Scared Hitless 24-19

 

A five point win over the last place team in your division isn't usually cause for celebration, but Peachy Platoon pulled this one off with three girls playing iron man when two of their guys cancelled at the last minute.  Dean not only got the win but did it in dramatic fashion, hitting his wife Marissa for a deep route on a drawn up play for a walk off toe-tap-slide-out-of-bounds TD.  Incredible call, incredible throw, and an even better catch.  A huge effort by Marissa, Teresa and Joy on the day, and Peachy's fifth win in a row since starting the season 0-1-1.  Some teams make excuses when they're short handed - Peachy just wins.  This may be the team to beat in a crowded D2 field.

 

#5 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Victorious Secret - (Previous Rank #8)

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 38-26, beat Mountain Dew Me 55-22 (Losing Streak), lost to Spinelli's Plumbing 58-24 (Victorious Secret).

 

That 55-22 win over Mountain Dew Me is an impressive statement win for Jordan Lawson as the D2 playoffs approach.  When Losing Streak was 1-2 and getting murdered by A&A in Week 3, many wrote them off as contenders.  They're 4-0 since then and have outscored their opponents 199-97, scoring nearly 50 PPG over that stretch.  Losing Streak is 6th in the TSL in PPG, and 1st in their division, and Jordan has this team surging towards the playoffs with confidence.  Victorious Secret is... not exactly "surging towards the playoffs with confidence", but their June 12th matchup with BiPolar Express could be their ticket to MAKING the D6 playoffs.  The TSL crowds should absolutely love that one.

 

#6 Joey Batts - Mountain Dew Me / Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Beat A&A 44-37, lost to Losing Streak 55-22 (Mountain Dew Me), beat Practice Squad 43-32

 

Not really a BAD week for Joey Batts, as he takes down A&A (who would be leading D2 right now if not for this loss) AND Practice Squad (who would be leading D4 right now if not for this loss).  Seems odd that we drop the QB of Cunning Stunts (the single highest scoring team in the TSL) in the Rankings this week after the previous sentence, but that Losing Streak loss was a tough one, and slots Jordan slightly above Joey in the Power Rankings after Week Six of the season.  Joey has been a two time champion before.  Can he do it again in 2021?

 

#7 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #6)

Last Week:  Lost to Public Enemy 43-34, lost to Tight Ends in Motion 51-24

 

Mike Thomas started the season against Public Enemy and Tight Ends in Motion and scored a combined 6 points in those games.  This week he faced both in a rematch, and although the Sticky Bandits defense hasn't made many steps forward, the offense certainly has, as Mike put up a combined 58 and nearly pulled off an upset win against the defending Champs.  These guys looked brutally out of place in D1 when the season started, but whatever adjustments they're making seem to be working, as Sticky Nation has been much more competitive the past month.  Mike drops one spot in the Power Rankings with the double loss... but how high would he have risen if he'd scored 10 more points in that Public Enemy game?

 

#8 Alex Buchlis - Sloppy Seconds - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Lost to Public Enemy 44-43

 

Public Enemy is a Top Ten defense in the entire TSL (they'd be a Top Two defense if we took into account what division they play in, which of course we don't) and Sloppy Seconds just dropped 43 points against them and nearly pulled off the upset win.  Sloppy's defense by the way is sixth WORST in the entire TSL, so the fact that they're going toe to toe with the Champs is a huge credit to Buchlis and the way he has the Sloppy offense rolling right now.  Alex has to score just about every drive to win games, and he very nearly did.  

 

#9 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins - (Previous Rank #11)

Last Week:  Beat Vaspian 27-23 (Frodo Swaggins), beat the Angels 56-25 (subbing for Top Shot)

 

Here's an argument for why Garrett should be the highest ranked QB in D3: for all of TopShot's success this year (and we'll get into that later) their BEST offensive showing this year came when their division rival Garrett Beesing subbed for their team and scored 56 points.  Oh and Garrett is still undefeated as the QB of Frodo Swaggins this year too.  Oh and he raised a ton of money for MS research this week.  There are many reasons Garrett Beesing is awesome but the guy is just an absolute winner and has really developed into a top level QB this season (after being a top level everything else previously).

 

#10 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #9)

Last Week:  Lost to Slytherin that end zone 20-17

 

Scoring only two TDs and losing against a Newman-less, Coach Jay-less Slytherin isn't the type of performance we would have expected from Dubey, as his up and down season continues.  They're still middle of the pack in D2 for scoring and they still hold on to one of the last playoff spots in the division (prior to this week's loss they had won three in a row) but consistency is the name of the game for XTC as they wrap up the Spring 2021 season: if they find it they'll be contenders, and if they don't they're bound to flame out in the first round of playoffs. 

 

#11 Dylan Jaloza - TopShot - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

No Dylan this week as TopShot won with Garrett subbing under center.  TopShot is fourth in the League in offense, first in the League in defense, first in the League in total point differential, so they've been a huge success any way you look at it.  It's not really fair to hold someone's defense against him, but with the SINGLE BEST defense in the League and a sub QB leading TopShot to their highest point total this season, just how much of TopShot's success is Dylan vs his surrounding cast?  Just asking...

 

#12 Travis Cleavenger - Breast Friends / A&A - (Previous Rank #12)

Last Week:  Lost to Mountain Dew Me 44-37

 

With Matty on the I.R. and Travis leading A&A, can we please rename them "T&A" so Travis can lead TWO teams with hilariously classless names?  No game for Breast Friends this week as they pick up another forfeit win (Travis has two thirds of all League-wide forfeit wins this season and he's in charge of the sub-list... coincidence or controversy?) but A&A dropped a close one to Mountain Dew Me in the battle of the scrambling QBs.  No shame in scoring 37 in a losing effort against MDM, so Travis keeps the 12th spot in our Power Rankings this week.

 

#13 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries / TOX - (Previous Rank #14)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Every five years or so, Topper gets a day off.  Good for him, that aging arm of his needs the rest.  Now get back to work, your next day off isn't until 2026.

 

#14 Scott Drosendahl - Bullet Club - (Previous Rank #13)

Last Week:  Lost to Losing Streak 38-26

 

Bullet Club and Losing Streak should trade names, as B.C. has lost five in a row since starting the season 2-0.  With the exception of a bad A&A loss (and who hasn't had one of those?) Scotty has kept Bullet Club in just about every game this season, losing by 1, 4, 8 and 8 points along the way.  Crazy to think they're only 25 points away from being 6-1, but it doesn't work that way, so they're 2-5 instead.  Hopefully they turn things around this week with a nice easy win against... oh God, they're playing Peachy Platoon on Saturday.  Good luck Scotty!

 

#15 Matt Newman - Slytherin that end zone - (Previous Rank #14)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Slytherin beats XTC 20-17 with Seth as QB, and Newman nowhere to be found.  Far be it from us to drum up QB controversies...

 

#16 Vince Taverna - All We Do is Quinn - (Previous Rank #13)

Last Week:  Beat the Untouchaballs 30-24

 

All We Do is Quinn win their first game since... May 1st?  That can't be right.  Vince gets the Quinners on track and picks up the Q (get it? all they do is quinn?) against the Untouchaballs.  They've absolutely had a rough month losing to TopShot and Frodo Swaggins, but if Vince has learned anything over the years, it's that the regular season is easily forgotten once the playoffs start.  So maybe this is their year to flip the script, get all their lumps in now, and make a playoff run?  Stranger things have happened.

 

#17 Andy Clark - Buffalo Vice - (Previous Rank #18)

Last Week:  Beat Not So Sticky 42-37

 

Andy keeps the fifth highest scoring team in the TSL rolling this week with another win against Not So Sticky.  Buffalo Vice aren't the "favorites" to win D4 as they're still a half a step behind Cunning Stunts for that honor, but man, are they close.  Andy jumps to the 17th spot in the Power Rankings this week and continues to be the highest ranked pure D4 Quarterback on the charts for a reason.  

 

#18 Jeremy Olsen - Passed Our Prime - (Previous Rank #17)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Passed Our Prime is one of only a handful of teams to play only 5 games to this point in the season, and it feels like they've been short handed in nearly all of them.  We STILL have no idea how good these guys are in Week Six of the season, and the playoffs are just around the corner.  Olsen didn't play this week but interestingly enough Passed Our Prime jumped to second in their division in Offensive PPG during their week off as other teams who DID play scored fewer points.

 

#19 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad - (Previous Rank #19)

Last Week:  Lost to Cunning Stunts 43-32

 

Last season Practice Squad was the plucky challenger to Mountain Dew Me in D5, and this season they're plucky challengers to Cunning Stunts and Buffalo Vice.  Maybe the "B" stands for "B List QB" and not "Brandon"?  (Just kidding B you know we love you).  Smart team, great athletes, SERIOUS contenders to win their division - Practice Squad just needs to find a way to win their biggest games, because they are absolutely taking care of business against everybody else.

 

#20 Joe Miano - Jabronies - (Previous Rank #20)

Last Week:  Beat Cobblestone 27-23

 

The Jabronies have a winning record and they're fourth in D4 in offensive PPG.  Why aren't we talking about Joe Miano more?  Big Game Joe beats Cobblestone this week and reminds the TSL that he's a proven winner and deserves more respect as a contender.  When their whole team is present, Jabronies is absolutely STACKED with talent (and no, that's not a pun about how they lost Ben Stack this season).

 

#21 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless - (Previous Rank #21)

Last Week:  Lost to Peachy Platoon 24-19

 

The bad news: Scared Hitless loses another close one, this time against a short handed gender-heavy Peachy Platoon.  The good news: their defense has held Losing Streak and Peachy Lite to 22 and 24 points respectively in the past two weeks, so one side of the ball is playing pretty well?  It'll be an uphill battle for Scared Hitless to make the playoffs as they've already lost tiebreakers to every other team at the bottom of the standings.  Their only hope is to go 2-0 against Mountain Dew Me and A&A, and hope Bullet Club goes 0-2 against Peachy Platoon and Mountain Dew Me.  We wouldn't bet on it, but what do we know?

 

#22 Dave Baker - Interdimensional Lightning Falcons - (Previous Rank #22)

Last Week:  Lost to Puckett All-Stars 43-30

 

Losing apparently doesn't hurt your position in OUR charts when none of the other QBs around you in the Power Rankings picked up wins this week, but man, this was an opportunity blown for ILF in the actual TSL standings.  Winning would have pushed them to second place in their division and labeled them as legit D5 contenders.  Losing has dropped them to the middle of the pack.  Dave is the savviest player in the game and impossible to write-off in any big game situation so we're convinced these guys will be a force to be reckoned with in the playoffs... but they're winning by about 1 PPG on average for the season, so their margin for error is razor thin right now.

 

#23 "Coach" Jay Jaskier - Wasted Potential - (Previous Rank #23)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

No Coach Jay this week - Wasted Potential gets smacked around by the Bambs in his absence.  No change for Jay's #23 ranking this week.

 

#24 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone - (Previous Rank #24)

Last Week:  Lost to Jabronies 27-23

 

The League's most relaxed superstar QB with great hair just lost to... another relaxed superstar QB with great hair.  Darryl doesn't care, he's probably TIED more games than most of us have won at this point.  Cobblestone clinched a D4 playoff spot this week with Not So Sticky and Woodpeckers losses, so even when Darryl loses, he finds a way to win.  What a life.

 

#25 Zack Elphick - Zack Attack - (Previous Rank #28)

Last Week:  Beat University Wealth Management 38-0, beat the Bambs 31-22

 

Alright, alright, you're still undefeated and we have no choice BUT to talk about you in our Power Rankings now.  Zack Attack is the last standing undefeated team in D5, and Zack Elphick (if he reads this article... does anyone?) probably can't understand why we haven't ranked him higher.  Fair point, but... you're the 7th best offense in your own division, and frankly you're not even that close to the 6th best team either.  But man, does this team play defense: Zack Attack is third best in the TSL at a mind blowing 16.1 PPG allowed.  Zack doesn't need to score 30 PPG when he's got that kind of help on the other side of the ball.  Great D helps you win games... but doesn't help you in the Power Rankings unfortunately.

 

#26 George Lombardo - Freeballers - (Previous Rank #30)

Last Week:  Beat Itches and Ohs 51-0*, beat Cobblestone 30-22

 

It doesn't even feel right calling that Itches and Ohs game 51-0 because they quit with 16 minutes left.  At that pace the final would have been 75-0, so can we pretend it was 75-0 please?  George Lombardo was fantastic in his 75-0 win, and he also beat TSL legend Darryl Carr on the same day as the Freeballers coasted to a 4-2 record.  George rises four spots in the Power Rankings this week.

 

#27 Nolan Perry - the Untouchaballs - (Previous Rank #27)

Last Week:  Lost to All We Do is Quinn 30-24

 

A close loss to AWDIQ is nothing to hang your head about.  Nolan Perry is the QB for Untouchaballs this year and by all accounts he's a great athlete with a great arm who's still getting used to QBing the co-ed touch football game.  None of us are great at this when we first get started (most of us aren't "great" even after years of doing this) but Nolan has his team believing in him and his potential is tremendous.  Untouchaballs is just 15 points away from being 5-2 this season with some close losses standing in the way of their climbing the D3 standings.  With another season under his belt, Nolan might have the Untouchaballs contending for a D3 championship... we just don't see that happening this season.

 

#28 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care - (Previous Rank #26)

Last Week:  Lost to Wolfpack 32-23

 

We can't figure out Grey Hair - Don't Care.  They have stretches where they look dominant (remember winter session?) and stretches where they can't seem to score a point (remember the second half of last Fall?).  Eickhoff likes to keep us guessing, apparently.  With a loss to the previously 1-5 Wolfpack, it doesn't look like GHDC is gearing up a deep playoff run this session.  They need to go back to the drawing board and bring back HK43 (or whatever they're up to these days) to turn this slide around.

 

#29 Nick Hawes - Spinelli's Plumbing - (Previous Rank #31)

Last Week:  Beat Victorious Secret 58-24

 

For the first time this season, we get to show a pure D6 quarterback in our Power Rankings.  Spinelli's Plumbing is the third best offense in the entire TSL (41.9 PPG) and Nick Hawes has the team looking like real contenders as the playoffs draw closer.  How does one describe Spinelli's QB1?  We'll let their team do that for us: "Nick has had little to no prior experience with football as he realized at a young age that he didn’t have the rugged toughness and agility to be of any use on the pee-wee football field. It wasn’t until his mid-twenties where he really honed his skills with several adult-league sports. Through the support of his bangin’ girlfriend, his other low level athletic friends, and a wicked work out regimen, Nick has become quite an asset to Spinellis. To ensure talent on the field, Nick maintains an 18-hour sleep schedule and a weekly diet of protein shakes, intermittent fasting, and Taco Bell. His arm strength and accuracy is accredited to his prior career as a collegiate baseball player. Nick continues to grow in talent and we expect nothing but good things from him for the rest of the season."  They had us at "18 hour sleep schedule".  Great season so far Nick, and don't let that bangin' girlfriend distract you on the road to playoff glory!

 

#30 Mark Harzynski - Tater Tots - (Previous Rank #32)

Last Week:  Beat Juiced 44-12

 

And here's your OTHER contender for the D6 championship, the only other team we can realistically see taking home the title this season.  Mark Harzynski has led Tater Tots to the best record in the division (tied with Spinelli's Plumbing of course) after taking over from Dylan Jaloza as the team's starting QB this session.  Mark has only gotten better throughout the season, and his understanding of the passing game / defenses has continued to improve week to week.  Does it help that Tater Tots has the #2 defense in the entire League?  Absolutely, but these guys are no slouches on O either, as Mark has led the Tots to the 11th best offense in the League as well.  In looking up that stat, we just noticed that the top two defenses in the League are the two teams that Dylan Jaloza plays on.  Is that a coincidence, or is he some kind of secret defensive guru?

 

--

 

And there's your Top Thirty Quarterbacks in the League this week!  NOT featured above you'll notice is Steve Moser (formerly #25) who threw a temper tantrum after getting blanked by Freeballers and then proceeded to complain to League officials that they don't know what they're doing... and how losing his team would somehow be "bad P.R. for the League" if we don't get our act together.  Let's all take a second to collectively laugh at that notion.  Steve: you were losing 51-0 EARLY in that game, the refs did not cost you a thing.  You should really take a step backwards and evaluate your life decisions: you might just be too angry a person for bar league football.  Our sincere recommendation to you: apologize to everyone you yelled at last week, and hope that the League still wants YOU next season, because believe us, the TSL will be just fine if you decide not to come back and scream at our officials, refs, other teams, and frankly your own teammates.  That kind of behavior doesn't deserve a spot in our Power Rankings, and it's not welcome in our great League, period. End of rant.  Rameer would have done it better, we know.  

 

 

***

 

Division All-Star Teams

 

So let's try something different!  Every winter (in non-COVID times) the TSL throws the most ridiculous banquet and names MVP nominees to recognize the best in each division.  This will be similar, but we are NOT trying to replicate those awards right now.  Instead we thought it would be fun to build an All-Star team for each division as a way to recognize more of the Non-QBs in this League.

 

A few ground rules first:

  • We're going to borrow the Major League Baseball rule that each division All-Star Team must have at least one player from each team.  So no, your D3 All-Star team cannot be "every guy on Top Shot and every girl on the Angels".
  • No TSL teams will get three players on their own division's All-Star team, although many will get two; the goal is to spread this around as much as possible.  
  • Each team is going to have 10 players, which will most likely be either 6 men and 4 women or 7 men and 3 women (D6 may have more women than that just because of their three gender teams).
  • If a player plays in more than one division, he or she is eligible to be on either division's All-Star Team, but as soon as they make their highest division's team, they become ineligible for the lower division they play in.  In other words, if Sean Weisensal is named to the D1 All-Star team, he immediately becomes ineligible for D4.
  • Each player is only eligible for their division's All-Star team for the position they play in that specific division.  So Coach Jay and Dave Baker are eligible for the D5 All-Star team (provided they don't ALSO make a higher division's team, per the rule above!) but they are ONLY eligible as quarterbacks, since that's the position they play in THAT division.  No adding them to play other positions in D5.
  • People that are "on rosters" but haven't played this session, or people that are currently injured, are ineligible for consideration.  Maggie Lamantia, Derek Bloomfield, Ryan Baroudi, Matty Ice... great players, all ineligible. 

 

The "at least one person per team" rule makes it interesting in divisions with 10 teams, because we CAN'T select more than one player from the same team.  Think about D2 for a moment: want Jordan on your team?  Then you can't have Chris Nelson.  Want Coach Jay?  Then you can't have Taylor Pagano.  Now you see our challenge: this format forces us to make tough choices, so we might not end up with the highest ranked QB in each division on their All-Star team (see D1 below), because we just HAD to pick another player from their team instead.  In a sense, you're competing against your OWN teammates more than you're competing against your peers on other teams.

 

There are no right or wrong answers to any of this, but we figured we'd give it a shot anyway.  Apologies if your name is spelled incorrectly here; we've written it however it appears on your official team roster, which is probably riddled with errors.

 

Here are the "TSL All-Star Teams" by Division:

 

 

Don't like it?  Think you can do better?  Send us a BETTER combination of players from any Division (using the same rules we did) at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.... we will be happy to debate why you're wrong.

 

**

 

Final Observations

 

  • There were three undefeated teams last week... and not one of them lost this week.  Your three remaining undefeated juggernauts are: TopShot (D3), Cunning Stunts (D4), and Zack Attack (D5).  There are no undefeated teams remaining in D1, D2 or D6.
  • There were three winless teams last week... and not one of them won last week.  Your three remaining winless teams are: Why So Serious? (D1), University Wealth Management (D5), and Juiced (D6).  There are no winless teams remaining in D2, D3 or D4.
  • The longest winning streak in the League belongs to Zack Attack at 7 games in a row.
  • The longest losing streak in the League belongs to Why So Serious (8 games, dating back to last Fall) if we stick purely with teams that haven't changed names.  If we recognize University Wealth Management from this session as Intentional Pounding from last session (it's the same people...) then the longest losing streak in the League belongs to them (15 games, dating back to last Fall).
  • There have been 6 shutouts so far this season, including Public Enemy over Sticky Bandits (33-0), Freeballers over Woodpeckers (30-0), Tater Tots over Lenny's Ladies (52-0), Cobblestone over Woodpeckers (30-0), Freeballers over Itches and Ohs (51-0*) and Zack Attack over University Wealth Management (38-0) .  This does not include 3 forfeits this season (which are marked as 21-0 scores), including Bambs to Breast Friends, Show me dem TDs to Breast Friends, and Why So Serious to Sticky Bandits.
  • Freeballers are the only team with two "legitimate" shutout wins (Breast Friends somehow has two forfeit wins), and Woodpeckers are the only team with two shutout losses.  The Sticky Bandits have a true shutout loss, and a forfeit shutout win.   

 

 

And that's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you HATED our choices on the Division All-Stars?  you're angry that Topper took last week off and you'd like to file a formal complaint about his QB Ranking?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

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