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WEEK 3 POWER RANKINGS

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
Created: Thursday, 08 September 2022 14:21
Published: Thursday, 08 September 2022 14:21
Written by Jeff Krol
Hits: 50
Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  
 
This week we expand our coverage to the Top 15 QBs in the League (can you believe your team's QB STILL didn't make our list?), we introduce our first "way too early to matter" team scoring graph, and we give you your FINAL WARNING to write us at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and let us know who you think the Top Female Players in the League are, because we're publishing that list next week.
 
Enjoy!
 
 
#1 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts
Last Week:  Beat Passed Our Prime 39-33, beat Eyes Downtown 41-26 (Legends), beat Cobblestone 42-24 (Cunning Stunts)
Three wins, zero losses, one hundred twenty-two points scored for Joey Batts on Saturday.  Legends and Stunts are a combined 7-0 to start the season, and Joey has not been lower than 2nd in our Power Rankings since... well, the day Travis built him a super-team.  
 
#2 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits
Last Week:  Did Not Play
No game for Sticky Bandits this past week, but Mike will get a shot at the #1 and #3 ranked QBs in a doubleheader next week that could have a huge impact on the D1 race for the #1 seed (and first round bye).
 
#3 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion
Last Week:  Did Not Play
Bro moves up a spot without taking a snap this week! This guy just makes it look too easy.
 
#4 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown
Last Week:  Lost to Legends 41-26, beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 48-23
Eyes Downtown easily handled Grey Hair - Don't Care before falling to the reigning D1 champs.  Bobby is 1-2 and sitting in 5th place in the standings right now... but does anyone think that's going to last?  E.D. started 0-2 last session before they ripped off a huge winning streak.  The schedule has to get easier from here on out, and we'd be shocked if this team finishes under .500.
 
#5 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins
Last Week:  Beat Untouchaballs 24-22, beat Freeballers 31-20
Missing his best receiver, Garrett went out and beat one of the best teams in his division, as Frodo avenged last season's finals loss to Untouchaballs before handling Freeballers.  Who are the contenders in D2 right now?  With the possible exception of 0-1 No Punt Intended (who haven't even played a game against their own division yet) Frodo has now played and beaten all their strongest rivals.  
 
#6 Jeremy "Hogan" Olson - Passed Our Prime
Last Week:  Lost to Legends 39-33, lost to Scared Hitless 44-33
People questioned whether Passed Our Prime would even be able to field a competitive team without Sean and Kyle after moving up to D1 this session... and Hogan responded by nearly beating the D1 champs in the biggest game in his team's history.  Sure, they seemed to lose a little steam later in the day losing again to Scared Hitless, but no one in D1 can be approaching this team thinking it's an easy win anymore.
 
#7 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs
Last Week:  Beat the Replacements 38-12, lost to Frodo Swaggins 24-22
What was the last Untouchaballs loss?  Freeballers back in D3 last session, right?  Seems shocking to see them lose, even to a team as hot as Frodo Swaggins is right now, but after beating the Replacements they're still one of only two teams in D2 to boast a winning record right now.  Burr will be alright.
 
#8 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless
Last Week:  Beat Passed Our Prime 44-33, beat No Punt Intended 57-48
This was the bounce back week that Dylan needed after Scared Hitless went 0-2 to start their first D1 campaign.  101 points scored and two wins on Saturday puts Hitless smack in the middle of the D1 standings right now.  Yes, one of those was a nine-point win against a team from a lower division playing its first game in years, but a win's a win.
 
#9 Brandt Dubey - DILFS
Last Week:  Did Not Play
No Dubey, no difference this week for the DILFS.  We THINK they're 1-1 with their starting QB and 1-1 with their backup QB.  As the ONLY returning team in D2 this session we assumed they'd be heavy favorites, but are they already falling behind some of their newer rivals?
 
#10 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care
Last Week:  Lost to Eyes Downtown 48-23
Grey Hair has now lost to all of last season's "big three" teams in D1.  If they're going to improve on that 1-4 record, they're going to have to do it against the bottom half of their division (or, luckily for them, against a crossover D2 team which is their schedule for next week).
 
#11 Dylan Jaloza - Freeballers / 716
Last Week:  Lost to Frodo Swaggins 31-20, beat DILFS 39-20 (Freeballers)
Does Dylan QB both Freeballers and 716 now?  We're not sure.  We ARE pretty sure he played both Freeballers games this past week and split the doubleheader to keep his team in the hunt for decent playoff seeding. 1-2 doesn't sound great, but one of those losses is to D1 Legends in the worst possible crossover game, and one of them is to Frodo who are killing just about everyone this season.  We think Freeballers will finish with a winning record.
 
#12 Scott Drosendahl - Scott Seniors Starting
Last Week:  Did Not Play
These guys haven't played since Week One!  Scotty, come back and do something so we have something to write about.  
 
#13 Kyle Conniff - No Punt Intended
Last Week:  Lost to Scared Hitless 57-48
No Punt Intended FINALLY played a game in Week Three of the season, and of course the schedule matched them up with Scared Hitless in a D1 crossover game.  What did we learn?  Kyle's offense already looks fantastic.  His defense... needs some work.  But if a 9-point loss to a D1 team is how No Punt Intended STARTS the season, the sky's the limit for how they can finish it after some more time to gel together.
 
#14 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad
Last Week:  Lost to Bullet Club 35-17
B, what's going on here?  You guys destroyed D4 last session, moved up a division and beat Mountain Dew Me in the Rematch of the Century... and since then you've gone 0-2-1.  This isn't the Practice Squad we're used to.  Believe it or not this is still the team we'd give the best betting odds to win D3, but they have GOT to start showing that soon.
 
#15 Seth Molisani - Buffalo Vice Retro
Last Week:  Lost to DILFS 33-20
Buffalo Vice Retro is 0-2 and averaging less than 20 PPG.  Wasn't Vice historically known for its explosive offense?  Look, we get it, D2 is stacked with great teams this session (and also the Replacements are there) but Seth's going to have to figure something out with his receivers to pick up some wins.
 
***
 
We've said many times in this article over the past couple weeks that we didn't want to show team performance charts yet because it's WAY too early in the season for that stuff to have any meaning (No Punt Intended has only played a single game!).  And that's still true.  But screw it, here's a "way too early to mean anything" chart for you on each team's points per game (sorted by division).  Like last season, we included the Super Bowl era Buffalo Bills at the bottom as a comparison so you can see how much better (or worse) you are.  As always, forfeit games are excluded from the numbers below.
 
 
***
 
NEXT WEEK we kick off our Non-QB rankings with the Best Female Players in the League.  This always generates a decent amount of controversy, as people ALWAYS disagree with the rankings and think that their girls got shafted... and yet they rarely write in to advocate for the girls they think are better.  Don't make that mistake!!  Email us at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and TELL US who you think the best girls in the League are.  Or don't, and live with our shitty opinions.
 
  • September 15: Best Female Players in the League
  • September 22: Best at Bar (Individuals, Not Teams)
  • September 29: Best Male Players (Non-QB) in the League
  • October 6: Division All-Star Teams Announced
 
***
 
That's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  Woodpeckers can't REALLY be averaging 9 points a game, can they?  there's a new girl who has caught three passes on your team and you're worried she won't get mentioned in our Female Players rankings?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..    Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!
 
What’s YOUR ranking?

WEEK 2 POWER RANKINGS

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
Created: Thursday, 01 September 2022 12:24
Published: Thursday, 01 September 2022 12:24
Written by Jeff Krol
Hits: 100
Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  
 
How do you feel about your team two weeks into the season?  Are you one of the 15 teams that are still undefeated?  Maybe you're one of the 14 teams that haven't won a game yet?  Or maybe you're No Punt Intended and your team hasn't even played a game?  Either way: it's EARLY, and we preach the same thing at around this point every session: don't get too excited if you're winning and don't get too panicked if you're losing.  You're not as good as your undefeated record, and you're (probably) not as bad as your winless record.  All things even out in time, so try not to freak out and scream at your quarterback just because he missed a critical play last weekend.  He (or she!) will learn and do better next time.
 
Given the light volume of games the first week, we're still only showing a Top Ten in our Power Rankings below.  We know, we know.  We need to expand it next week to include more players, and we will.  But this is what you get for now:
 
 
#1 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts
Last Week:  Beat Freeballers 51-28 (Legends)
Imagine moving up from D3 to D2, and your first game in your new division is... a crossover game against the defending D1 champs.  That's some rotten luck right there for Freeballers.  Joey Batts and his over-powered teammates continue to roll, destroying all in their path.  It's been years since we've had an undefeated team in any division though, so these guys have to lose eventually, we think.
 
#2 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits
Last Week:  Beat Scared Hitless 29-22, beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 48-32
The Sticky Bandits don't blow their opponents away, but they seem to have a knack for consistently winning the close ones.  Mike Thomas starts the season 2-0 as Sticky Nation has their eyes set squarely on a rematch with Legends in this year's D1 Finals.  
 
#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown
Last Week:  Lost to Tight Ends in Motion 31-26
Eyes Downtown dropped a close one on the last play of the game to the new and improved (or old and improved?) Tight Ends in Motion.  Bobby is still gelling with some new receivers this session and we imagine he won't be held to less than 30 points too often.  We have him ranked above Bro for at least one more week based on the body of work Bobby put together this Spring (that we assume will carry over).
 
#4 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion
Last Week:  Beat Passed Our Prime 38-7, beat Eyes Downtown 31-26
The former D1 champion QB is back for Tight Ends in Motion, and the results are exactly what his squad hoped for.  Tight Ends have already matched their win total from last season in one day, and they're ready to put the disastrous Spring 2022 season behind them.  How many D1 championship games in a row did they make when Bro was QB?  Three?  Kleckler looks to start a new streak this season.
 
#5 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins
Last Week:  Beat DILFS 49-32
We knew they'd put up some points with their new receivers but 114 in two games?  That's as many as Grey Hair - Don't Care... in half the number of games.  Garrett has to be feeling good about the roster he's assembled right now, especially after taking down one of their strongest potential threats in the DILFS.  Any conversation about the favorites in D2 has to start with Frodo Swaggins.
 
#6 Jeremy "Hogan" Olson - Passed Our Prime
Last Week:  Beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 36-32, lost to Tight Ends in Motion 38-7
Passed Our Prime got the snot kicked out of them in their first ever D1 game, then rebounded to win their first ever D1 game an hour later.  We think Hogan has to be happy with a 1-1 record in his first weekend in Western New York's strongest division.  Passed Our Prime's Achilles heel has always been their attendance; if their people show up all session, we think they'll surprise some people.
 
#7 Brandt Dubey - DILFS
Last Week:  Lost to Frodo Swaggins 49-32
DILFS really got both ends of the D2 spectrum quickly this session, facing the "are they going to be okay?" Replacements in Week 1 and then the "I think they'd be okay in D1" Frodo Swaggins the next week.  The result was the 1-1 record we would have predicted.  17 points isn't a huge loss, and Dubey and company might be just a couple adjustments away from taking the rematch next time they play Frodo.
 
#8 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs
Last Week:  Beat Buffalo Vice Retro 37-19
Untouchaballs surprised exactly no one by starting strong in their new division with a win over Buffalo Vice Retro.  They were the heavy favorites when they beat Frodo Swaggins in the D3 Finals a couple months ago... will the roles be reversed if they meet in the D2 Finals this session? We're getting ahead of ourselves of course, but Burr's mobility and chemistry with his receivers is strong enough that we're already viewing these guys as top contenders in their new division.
 
#9 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless
Last Week:  Lost to Sticky Bandits 29-22
Scared Hitless may be 0-2 but they've only lost their first two games in D1 by a combined 17 points.  They were a score away from potentially beating last season's second best D1 team this week, and they lost by only ten (or "one score" when you have Melanie and Jamie) to Grey Hair the week before.  They're competitive, and they were the only team to actually defeat a D1 squad in a Crossover game last session... Dylan is just waiting on his first "true" D1 win.
 
#10 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care
Last Week:  Lost to Sticky Bandits 48-32, lost to Passed Our Prime 36-32
Grey Hair - Don't Care was missing a few of their top players this past week and it showed, as they dropped two to fall to 1-3 on the young season.  Eickhoff was probably hoping to be at least 2-2 right now but at least they've got the "win a D1 game" monkey off their back already.  Now they just need an upset over one of the "top" teams to really announce their arrival.
 
**
 
This was a short article, huh?  Look, you know how we operate at the TSL Power Rankings.   We thrive on graphs and analytics and it's just too early in the season to give you any of those.  They would be pointless and misleading... although it would be fun to show Travis Henry's Kids averaging only 19 PPG.  
 
This article will get longer and more colorful as the season goes on, so stay tuned and we promise we'll cover more QBs and more charts than ever.
 
Here's a reminder of our schedule for what we plan to rank this season OTHER than just our usual QB Rankings.  If you have feedback ahead of these articles and you want to weigh in, you can always email us at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  If you email us AFTER the fact to complain about how much you hated them, we'll just tell you that you should have let us know sooner!
 
  • September 15: Best Female Players in the League
  • September 22: Best at Bar (Individuals, Not Teams)
  • September 29: Best Male Players (Non-QB) in the League
  • October 6: Division All-Star Teams Announced
 
***
 
That's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you want a Worst QBs in the League ranking so you can read about Topper's Breakfast Club performances?  you threw a TD as a backup QB in the closing seconds of a blowout loss and somehow you think we should be talking about that?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..    Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!
 
What’s YOUR ranking?

Spring 2022 Final Rankings

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
Created: Thursday, 16 June 2022 15:47
Published: Thursday, 16 June 2022 15:47
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 164

 

Hello and welcome back to the final TSL Quarterback Power Rankings of the season!  

 

It's been a unique season for us with so many big QB names retiring or taking the session off, but it's actually been a great opportunity for others to step up and make their mark.  The three-way battle for TSL supremacy between Bobby, Joey and Mike has been exciting to follow (and impossible to rank accurately), Jeremy Burr has taken the Top Ten by storm, and some other underrated names have finally climbed the charts as well.  We hope everyone understands that we take time out of our week to write this article not because we're trying to make anyone feel lousy about their ranking (if we wanted to do that, we'd rank all 46 of you and highlight who's the "worst"!), but because we are genuinely trying to recognize the good work of the people that play the hardest position in sports.  When you're the quarterback, you bear more responsibility than anyone else on the field.  When your team wins, they usually couldn't have done it without you, and when they lose, it's usually because you needed to do more.  This is why we rank quarterbacks once a week, and other positions once per session.  So give your quarterback a hug this week win or lose... he probably needs one after all the abuse your team has heaped on him this year!

 

This week we've done our traditional "end of season Divisional Review" where we look at each divisions stats in depth and pick overrated/underrated teams for playoffs.  Regular season numbers don't HAVE to mean anything for playoffs... but they usually do.  Hopefully our charts below fill you with confidence and not anxiety.

 

But first... here are your FINAL Quarterback Rankings for the Spring 2022 season.  Enjoy!

 

 

#1 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week:  Beat Eyes Downtown 48-36 (Legends), beat Varsity Has Beens 60-22, lost to Zack Attack 27-26 (Cunning Stunts)

Joseph Battaglia finishes the season as the #1 QB in our Power Rankings.  Not an easy decision between the top three QBs, but here are the facts: Legends finished with the best record in D1 and Cunning Stunts finished with the best offense in the entire League at 39.6 PPG.  That's what we call a complete resumé.  Joey could be a two-division champion in a couple weeks time, and then people will have to stop with this "he's the weak link on his amazing team" chatter.  They used to say that about Bro Kleckler on Tight Ends in Motion too...

 

#2 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week:  Beat Tight Ends in Motion 45-26

The Sticky Bandits finished the regular season with the highest scoring offense in the League's top division.  We did NOT predict that in our pre-season article.  Mike gets the slightest of edges over Bobby in our rankings because a) he scored a measly three points more than Bobby on the season b) Sticky Bandits finished as a higher seed than Eyes Downtown in the standings, and c) Mike outscored Bobby head-to-head in their two season games by a score of 102-95 (no defense was played, apparently).

 

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week:  Lost to Legends 48-36

Poor Bobby!  He hadn't lost a game since April, he finished ONE touchdown away from the League scoring title, and how do we repay him for finally losing a game?  By dropping him two spots in the Power Rankings.  It probably isn't fair, but Eyes Downtown is third in the D1 standings behind the teams quarterbacked by the two men directly above Bobby in the Power Rankings, so that's the way it has to be.  Eyes Downtown finished with the fifth WORST defense in the entire TSL by the way, so the fact that Bobby was still playing for the #1 seed on the last day of the season is pretty impressive.

 

#4 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week:  Beat the Notorious BNB 30-29

Scared Hitless survived a close one against Notorious BNB this week on the last play.  We don't blame them for losing focus with the #1 seed and first round bye in D2 already locked up going into the day.  Dylan finishes the season three wins ahead of the next best team in his division and Scared Hitless HAVE to be considered the favorites to win D2 at this point.  Or do they??  Check out our Division Analysis below!

 

#5 Jeremy "Hogan" Olson - Passed Our Prime

Last Week:  Beat DILFS 25-24

Passed Our Prime averaged 37.5 PPG... LAST season, which would have been sixth in the League this session.  Now their scoring is down to 30.3 PPG, 21st out of 46 teams in the League, and right in the middle of their own division.  Maybe this hasn't been Hogan's best season statistically but finishing it off by beating DILFS is the right way to head into the playoffs.  Passed Our Prime won't be the favorites in D2, but they won't be a push-over either.

 

#6 Brandt Dubey - DILFS

Last Week:  Lost to Passed Our Prime 25-24

A win would have given DILFS the #2 seed and a virtual first round bye against Bullet Club in the playoffs.  Instead they dropped a one point game to Passed Our Prime and fell to fourth place, securing a first round playoff matchup against Notorious BNB in the process.  Now, DILFS have outscored BNB 86-35 in their two games this season so maybe that doesn't worry Dubey too much, but still tough to go into the playoffs on a sour note.

 

#7 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week:  Beat Frodo Swaggins 44-18

The only disappointing part of Burr's season is that he couldn't score four more points to pass Joey Batts for the League scoring title.  Everything else has more or less gone exactly as he and the Untouchaballs could have hoped.  They finished three games ahead of second place Frodo Swaggins (who they destroyed on Saturday) and it's FEELING like nothing can stop these guys going into playoffs.  We suspect they'll immediately be contenders in D2 also.

 

#8 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 55-24

If Untouchaballs thinks they're going to win D3 and then take D2 by storm, they should be watching Grey Hair - Don't Care for the blueprint.  We were close to writing these guys off when they started the season 0-3, but since then they have gone undefeated against their division (let's ignore that Eyes Downtown crossover game for a moment).  Has an 0-3 team ever come back to earn the #2 seed in their division?  This is ridiculous.  Big credit to Eickhoff and his teammates for not quitting on the season when things looked bleak.

 

#9 Alex Buchlis - The Notorious BNB

Last Week:  Lost to Scared Hitless 30-29, beat When Dove Cries 25-6

Notorious BNB struggled with attendance again on Saturday, but it didn't affect them on the field.  Buchlis easily handled When Dove Cries and then nearly went on to upset the top team in D2 in the second game of their doubleheader.  They've struggled against DILFS (their first round opponent, of course) but if they can get past Dubey next week, BNB has shown they can compete against anyone else in their division.

 

#10 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins

Last Week:  Lost to Untouchaballs 44-18

The good news is that Frodo Swaggins finished D3 as the #2 seed and locked up a playoff matchup against Show Me Dem TDs, a team they've beaten twice this season.  The bad news is they limped into the playoffs (literally, in Garrett's case) with a brutal loss to Untouchaballs that begs the question whether they have a hope of winning should those two teams meet again in the Finals.  

 

#11 Scott Drosendahl - 4th & Something

Last Week:  Beat Freeballers 34-24

This is how you confuse the QB Committee: Step 1) start the season 3-0.  Step 2) go 1-4 in your next five games, with your only win coming by a single point.  Step 3) finish the last game of the season by beating one of the top contenders in your division.  Look, we don't know what to make of these guys.  They're -39 on the season so we don't have a ton of faith in their playoff chances, but Scotty always seems to zig when we think he's going to zag, so we've given up guessing.

 

#12 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad

Last Week:  Beat Spinelli's Plumbing 35-18

Was B even on Practice Squad when they won the D6 title back in Spring 2019?  Either way, Practice Squad seems ready for another championship run.  Solid defense, smart offense, and only one loss in nine games (Vaspian beat them, if you didn't remember).  They'll be the favorites in D4... but not by much.

 

#13 Dylan Jaloza - Bullet Club / Freeballers

Last Week:  Lost to Grey Hair - Don't Care 55-24 (Bullet Club), lost to 4th & Something 34-24 (Freeballers)

The Freeballers have been unable to build any momentum since their big win against Untouchaballs earlier this season, winning only one of their next four games, but at least their point differentials are solid (pause to insert another shameless plug for our Division Analysis below).  Bullet Club is -185 and only "two tuddies" away from being the worst point differential in the League.  That can't be fun for Dylan.

 

#14 Seth Molisani - Tight Ends in Motion / Buffalo Vice

Last Week:  Lost to Sticky Bandits 45-26 (Tight Ends in Motion), beat Itches and Ohs 33-24 (Buffalo Vice)

Buffalo Vice finished the regular season with a losing record, but 4-5 doesn't look so bad when you remember that these guys started 0-3 and have gone 4-2 since.  Their playoff opponent is Freeballers, a team they've gone 0-2 against so far this season, but Freeballers have been so inconsistent lately that anything is possible.  Oh, and Tight Ends lost again with only a handful of players showing up for the game.  

 

#15 Nick Hawes - Spinelli's Plumbing

Last Week:  Lost to Practice Squad 35-18

The June schedule was brutal to Spinelli's with back-to-back weeks of Cunning Stunts then Practice Squad.  The pair of losses dropped them below .500 but you know what, not a terrible first season in D4 for Spinelli's.  The gap between D5 and D4 is real, and they've been a competitive team (nearly) every week.  They squeak into the playoffs as the #8 seed and get a rematch with the Practice Squad team that just beat them 35-18... we don't love their chances, but we wouldn't bet against Spinelli's to be a top level D4 team next session.

 

#16 Joe Miano - Interdimensional Lightning Falcons

Last Week:  Beat XMD 51-42

Money Miano is back, as the Lightning Falcons won their fourth game in a row on Saturday.  Why aren't we talking about these guys as contenders?? Winning streak aside, they also played well against Practice Squad way back in April, and that could very well be the D4 championship game in a couple weeks.  

 

#17 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs

Last Week:  Lost to Buffalo Vice 33-24

Last season in D4 the knock on Itches and Ohs was that they scored a ton of points but they had a horrible defense (though they won the championship anyway).  This season their offensive numbers are down (30.3 PPG) but their defensive numbers are a little better (33.8 PPG).  Championship material again??  We're going to guess no, but we were wrong last year too.    Expect a competitive game between Itches and 4th & Something this week, as the two teams split their two games this season.

 

#18 Matt Newman - Sleezin Szn

Last Week:  Tied Show Me Dem TD's 27-27

The two teams with the worst records in D3 tied this week, ending a disappointing regular season for both of them (if you think we're not going to copy/paste that sentence again below for Andy Clark, you're crazy).  The numbers say Sleezin Szn was the better offense, slightly worse defense, and better overall team than Show Me Dem TDs this season.  They're good enough to make it difficult for opponents, but probably not good enough for Untouchaballs who they face in the first round.

 

#19 TJ Ferguson - Puckett All-Stars

Last Week:  Beat TOX 32-12

Puckett was just the better team on Saturday, and they've won four of their past five games going into the playoffs (their lone loss was to a Varsity Has Beens team that missed the playoffs, of course).  They face the Interdimensional Lightning Falcons in the playoffs, who they didn't face at all this session (reminder: D4 is huge) so it's anyone's guess how these teams will match up this week.

 

#20 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone

Last Week:  Beat 716 33-32

Darryl led Cobblestone to a huge comeback win over 716 this week and earned the #1 seed in the process.  This really might be his year after a TSL-record 16 consecutive seasons without a championship.  His first round playoff opponent is Not So Sticky, who Cobblestone shut out in the regular season, so that's a matchup they have to be happy about.

 

#21 John Langley - Travis Henry's Kids

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for Travis Henry's Kids this week.  Maybe Langley will get stuck in Sweden and other D6 teams will actually have a chance for playoffs?

 

#22 Blake Fisher - Red Zone Mafia

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for Red Zone Mafia this week.  They finished tied with Come From Behind for the best offense in D5.

 

#23 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries

Last Week:  Lost to the Notorious BNB 25-6

Topper's arm is falling off his body at this point, so he's probably going to be reduced to calling nothing but running plays for When Dove Cries in their playoff game ("game" being singular, not plural).  We're excited to see what odds the Godfather gives them of winning a championship tomorrow.  Although we probably would have put DOMINatrix's odds of winning a playoff game at about zero last week, and we were wrong about that...

 

#24 Jeff Jenkins - XMD

Last Week:  Lost to Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 51-42

XMD is officially eliminated from playoff contention after a 51-42 loss to the Interdimensional Ligh - ah, you know how it goes.  Three losses in a row to end their season doomed whatever chances they had.  Still, there were glimpses of the old DMX throughout the season and scoring 42 in their last game isn't bad.  We just hope it's not their LAST "last game".

 

#25 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This 

Last Week:  Beat Varsity Has Beens 24-13

Can't Touch This ended their freshman season the right way with a win over Varsity Has Beens.  Cunning Stunts is a brutal first round playoff matchup and Ryan lost this matchup 52-14 early in the regular season, but Can't Touch This has been a better team lately, going 5-1 in their last six games.  This could be a sneaker sleeper pick for the D4 playoffs. 

 

#26 Zack Elphick - Zack Attack

Last Week:  Beat Cunning Stunts 27-26

What did we say last week?  "Zack Attack [have] historically have done well against the Stunts."  And they did again!  Zack picked up a huge win against the Stunts on Saturday to lock up one of the last playoff spots in D4 and keep the dream alive.  We like their odds against Vaspian in what's sure to be another defensive battle.

 

#27 Andy Clark - Show Me Dem TDs

Last Week:  Tied Sleezin Szn 27-27

The two teams with the worst records in D3 tied this week, ending a disappointing regular season for both of them (told you we'd copy/paste that).  Show Me Dem TDs finishes ahead of Sleezin in the standings due to a May 28th head-to-head win but make no mistake, they are the shakier team of the two, and the chemistry just doesn't seem to be there at times for Dem TDs.  

 

#28 Brian Orzechowski - Vaspian

Last Week:  Did Not Play QB

We hear Brian is hurting and didn't play QB this week?  We don't know his situation but hopefully he's well in time to throw for the playoff showdown with Zack Attack.

 

#29 Jeff Easton - Tater Tots

Last Week:  Beat Two Tuddies 37-8, lost to Come From Behind 21-8

Was the Come From Behind game Easton's first loss with the Tots?  He picked up a win two hours later, so we'll let it slide.  Tough to evaluate Tots offensively on their season stats because they had so much QB turnover, but over the last four weeks they're averaging 28.5 PPG, a full touchdown better than the 21.0 PPG they were averaging pre-Easton.  That's got to be a good sign.

 

#30 Paul Lovullo - Come From Behind

Last Week:  Beat Tater Tots 21-8

It took all the way til Week Nine but we finally got the legendary Paul Lovullo in the QB Rankings.  It didn't help that Come From Behind started the season playing like trash without him.  Come From Behind finishes the season with four wins in a row, during which they've averaged 34.3 PPG (a number which would put them at #1 in their division if they had been scoring at that clip all season).  Paul elevates his team, plain and simple.

 

And those are your final QB Rankings of the year!  We're not changing them now for playoffs, so they are what they are.  You know the rules: if you don't like it, whine about it at the bar, we're sure everyone will be very sympathetic.

 

***

 

Division by Division Review

 

For our final stats review of the season, we're going to show you the following:

 

§  The breakdown of best offenses, defenses and net point differentials per division.  As always, stats below have removed forfeit games from the math, so what you see on the charts may not match the website (intentionally).  We tried to color each team's data by their official jersey colors, but half this league apparently uses black so it's not perfect.

§  A graph of average point differentials per game for each division with the same "Favorites, Contenders, Pretenders" logic we've used in previous seasons (if you're winning games by an average of 6+ PPG, you're a Favorite in green; if you're losing by an average of 6+ PPG, you're a Pretender in red; all other teams are yellow in the middle; these are not OUR judgments on who falls into each category, it's strictly based on the math of your team's point differentials).  For what it's worth, in the last three seasons that we've been showing these graphs, we've had 11 eventual division champions classified as "Favorites", 7 as "Contenders", and exactly zero as "Pretenders".

§  A quick twitter sized recap of the division heading into playoffs, and then identifying which teams are "overrated" and "underrated" in each group.  Note that these last two categories are based purely on what we see in the scores and stats, NOT our own personal feelings of players on each team (we might personally think TMA is overrated, but if the underlying numbers say their team is underrated, that's where we'll include them below) so TRY not to be offended thinking the "website is being mean".  We're just reading numbers off a website, man.

 

And away we go!

 

 

Division 1

 

 

The Headline:  One favorite, two strong contenders, and one former champion that isn't playing like it.

 

Underrated:  These four teams finished in the exact order that one would expect based on their point differentials and offensive points per game, so there are no great candidates for either "underrated" or "overrated" teams in this division.  It's a stretch to call the Sticky Bandits "underrated" by the numbers but we'll pick them because, like the D1 favorite Legends, they have a net neutral or positive point differential against every team they've played against this year (+0 vs Legends, +7 vs Eyes Downtown, +14 vs Tight Ends in Motion, +37 vs D2 teams).  They also haven't lost a game by more than a point since the opening day of the season.

 

Overrated:  Tight Ends in Motion were 2-7 and finished last in nearly every category above, so no one is really "overrating" their chances to win the D1 title.  That being said, if you throw out their D2 crossover games AND the games that Tight Ends in Motion played quarterbacks other than their starter, they are only 0-5 and averaging 19.4 PPG.  They could still win a game on Championship Saturday... they could even win two... but the numbers say they'll have a very hard time keeping up offensively.

 

 

Division 2

 

 

The Headline:  Scared Hitless is the favorite, with four teams good enough to play spoiler and two teams that don't have a prayer.

 

Underrated:  It's funny that both our headline and conventional wisdom say that Scared Hitless is the favorite... when all of the numbers say DILFS is actually the strongest team in this division.  DILFS finished with the best offense AND the best defense (and by extension the best point differential) in D2.  And they're sitting in fourth place right now!  Based on standings vs stats, they have to be the most underrated team in this (or maybe any) division.

 

Overrated:  We'll give you two.  You can make the argument for Scared Hitless for the exact opposite reasons DILFS is underrated above: Hitless is dominant in the win/loss column, but the underlying stats have them as merely "pretty good" and worse than DILFS across the board.  Or you can make the argument for Bullet Club: yes, they're 0-9, but they're also -20.56 PPG, which is the worst point differential for any team that qualified for the playoffs (Two Tuddies was worse, but they're eliminated).  In fact, only one other playoff bound team is even half of that average point differential (-10 PPG or worse) and they play in D6.

 

 

Division 3

 

 

The Headline:  The Untouchaballs are winning this division, unless Freeballer or Frodo Swaggins pull off the upset of the year.  Other teams might as well go home now.

 

Underrated:  Sleezin Szn is definitely the most underrated team in this division.  They're somehow fourth in D3 in point differential at -3.2 PPG, despite being in eighth (dead last) in the standings.  It takes a lot of close losses to pull off that feat.  In fact, Sleezin lost three of their games by a combined four points, AND they had the tie against Show Me Dem TDs.  If they had scored just 8 more points during the season at key moments, they could be 6-3 right now as the #2 seed in D3.  

 

Overrated:  It's 4th & Something.  When you have the second worst point differential in your division and somehow end up with a winning record, you know you've had some luck throughout the season.  Also of their five wins, four of them came from the teams beneath them in the standings.  Their only win against a team with a winning record was last week against Freeballers... and Freeballers beat them 47-0 just a couple weeks before that.  4th & Something may win their first-round matchup against inches and oh's, but their record suggests they'll struggle in the next rounds against better teams.

 

 

Division 4

 

 

The Headline:  The TSL's best division definitely has its favorites (Practice Squad and Cunning Stunts stand out) but no division has more viable challengers than D4.

 

Underrated:  The Interdimensional Lightning Falcons' season stats are so much worse than their record, which usually puts them squarely in our "overrated" category.  But they're 4-0 in the last month and averaging 40.5 PPG over that stretch.  As we mentioned in the QB Rankings above, they only lost to Practice Squad by a few points earlier this season, which should give them some confidence if they meet again in the playoffs.  We wouldn't count these guys out.

 

Overrated:  It's difficult (but not impossible) to win when you're a one-dimensional team, and unfortunately that's what Vaspian is at this point.  They have the 11th best offense in a 12-team division (the Stunts are nearly doubling Vaspian's points per game), and yet they're second in the D4 standings on the strength of an amazing defense.  Vaspian never scored OR allowed more than 22 points in a game this season against a playoff bound team, which is incredible.  It worked for them (they went 6-3!) but we don't love it as a formula for a deep playoff run.

 

Division 5

 

 

The Headline:  A wide-open division with a handful of very strong teams (and a couple with no chance).

 

Underrated:  We'll take Come From Behind.  True to their namesake, they dropped four of their first five games this season then "came from behind" to close out their season with four wins in a row.  Yes, three of those four wins at the end were against the worst three teams in D5, but they didn't have their QB for some of their early games against the top teams either so it goes both ways.  We're not saying they're going to win the division or anything... but this team is much better than a sixth seed, and debatably they should be the favorites against third seeded Tater Tots this week (whom they beat 21-8 just last week).

 

Overrated:  You can make a legitimate argument for Cobblestone here because they're first in their division with the fifth best offense and the third best defense and point differential.  Funny enough though the MOST "stat overrated" team in the division is probably Not So Sticky, who are -7.9 PPG on the season but would be -14.7 PPG if we threw out the one game when Krol's wife threw for 77 points against a shorthanded Tuddies team.  That game wiped out 61 points of Not So Sticky's net point deficit on the season and made them look less awful on the stat sheet than they really are.

 

 

Division 6

 

 

The Headline:  Travis Henry's Kids are already planning for next season in D5; other teams are hoping for a miracle

 

Underrated:  Lettuce Win finished in fifth place out of six teams, despite having the second best offense, second best defense, and second best point differential.  We were tempted to pick them as D6's most underrated team... except that they padded their stats a bit by playing Lenny's Ladies three times.  Take those games away and they're 1-5 with a negative point differential.  Not quite "overrated", but not "underrated" either.  No, we'll take Southside as the most underrated team in D6, who went 6-3 with one of their losses coming by forfeit (remember their underage scandal?) and the other two against Travis Henry's Kids.  And speaking of the mighty Travis Henry's Kids, Southside BEAT them in the opening game of the year, got annihilated by them in a mid-season blowout, and then almost beat them AGAIN a couple weeks ago.  Winning against weaker opponents, decent stats on the season, AND plays well against the division favorite?  Sign us up for that.

 

Overrated:  With the glaring exception of Lettuce Win, every team in D6 finished in the standings in the exact order you would have predicted based on their point differentials and offensive rankings.  No one is really "overrated" here in that sense.  If we HAD to pick one team though (and we've decided that we do) we'll take Travis Henry's Kids.  They were clearly the best team in their division.  They finished a mile ahead of the next best team in terms of point differentials (+138 vs +10 for the next best team, if we include forfeit games for dramatic effect!).  They're only "overrated" if we think of them as unbeatable, because they're not.  No one is unbeatable.  They lost to Southside once, and only beat them in another game by 4 points.  They beat Woodpeckers twice, by a grand total of 15 points.  Anything can happen in football, and although Travis Henry's Kids will be massive favorites in both of their playoff games, they had better not play like they've already won the D6 championship, or they might get upset by a hungrier team.

 

 

***

 

That's it for this season!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team's QB should be ranked higher? you're not happy about our color choices for your team in our Division Analysis above, and you don't care how much work it took to put that together? your name is Patrick McGovern and it's a real headache to upload all of these pictures we do to your website every week?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

Week 1 Power Rankings

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
Created: Thursday, 25 August 2022 17:10
Published: Thursday, 25 August 2022 17:10
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 61

 

Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  If you've read our article in the past (if for no other reason than to complain about how wrong we are) then you’re familiar with the concept – every week we share our rankings for the Top QBs in the League and discuss who’s trending up and who's trending down.  We on the QB Power Rankings Committee are not what you'd call "great writers" (or even "very good" writers... check out the Godfather if you want better writing) so we typically lean heavily on graphs and stats instead... at least, we do after a few weeks, when there's significant enough data to bother sharing.  In our season opening articles we also make a few predictions for the session and re-print an explanation of how these Power Rankings work, which we've copied and pasted almost verbatim from previous articles.

 

So a little Q&A to refresh your memories:

 

“There are 50 teams in the TSL this season!  Are you going to show rankings for all 50 starting QB’s every week?”

Not even close.  At minimum, the Top Ten will be shown EVERY week.  We always expand as the season goes on, so you'll see a Top 15, Top 20... last season we got to a Top 30, so we do try to be inclusive.

 

“Is this going to be heavily biased towards the higher divisions?”

In a word: yes.  The purpose of a Power Ranking is to highlight the absolute best in the League, and for the most part the best are competing AGAINST the best.  We will absolutely be acknowledging the performances (good and bad) of Quarterbacks in the lower divisions as well, but it's rare that a lower division QB will crack the Top Ten or Fifteen, and that's the way it should be.  Generally speaking if you don't like your ranking, our advice is to try moving up a division next session.  The better your competition, the more credibility you earn for beating it.

 

"Are gender team QBs treated differently in the Rankings?"

Not really.  A team's a team, and although gender team scores tend to be a little higher (every TD = minimum 8 points) we don't see much difference.  It takes skill to win with men; it takes skill to win with women.  The biggest knock on gender teams is that they tend to play in lower divisions and as we said above, we do factor THAT into our rankings.

 

"How are you ranking backup QBs if they come in and play better than some other team's starter?"

Generally we're only ranking one QB per team, even if you've got a player on your bench that you think could be a successful starter elsewhere.  And for teams with unreliable QBs who don't show up often enough for us to even KNOW who the starter is, we often leave them out of our rankings entirely... as they say, the best "ability" is "availability".  If you want to get ranked, show up and play as often as you can.  

 

"I'm new to this League and people don't know me yet!  How do I get ranked when I'm still an unknown?"

For starters, you should play really well.  If you're scoring a lot of points, we WILL notice you.  There are several new teams this session, so we probably DON'T know who you all are yet.  Email us at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. to introduce yourself, and please, be patient.  If you're the highest scoring team in the League in Week 2, that doesn't mean we're anointing you as the next Bobby McConnell just yet.  Keep at it, play well, and we promise eventually we will recognize you.

 

"What about Breakfast Club QBs?"

Breakfast Club is for fun, not crushing your opponents.  We don't put a lot of stock in the stats from Breakfast Club, and typically don't include it in our Rankings.

 

“So you’re only ranking QB’s… what about the rest of us?”

Oh, we didn’t forget about the rest of you.  In addition to the QB Rankings, we will do our best to put out other rankings that the rest of you can enjoy – best team offenses, best team defenses, best referees, best male receivers, best female receivers, best at bar …  ranking anything is always fun.  Unless we rank you last, of course.  Unlike previous years where we just sort of threw out random rankings throughout the season, we're going to TRY to keep a little more structure this session.  See a list of dates below for what we plan to rank each week (besides, of course, quarterbacks).

 

“You keep saying ‘we’.  Who is writing this?  Who determines these rankings?”

Don’t worry about who’s writing this.  Let’s be honest: If you knew who was on our Committee (there's a few of us), you would incessantly whine to them about why you or your QB should be ranked higher every week.  Anonymity is key for journalism THIS important.  

 

And that's how the Power Rankings work.  We expect it's going to be an incredible season, with fifty-ish teams battling for TSL supremacy.  Our official predictions for this year (with the benefit of one week already being in the books, of course): 

  • None of our Spring 2022 Division Champions will repeat and win again this Fall.  Not the five that won and bravely moved up a division, and not Legends in D1.
  • No "new" teams will finish with a winning record.  We're looking at you, No Punt Intended, Replacements, Get Shwifty, Let's Get Reccked, Superior Moser Squad and Punt Cakes.  
  • Tight Ends in Motion rebounds from last season's terrible record to finish as one of the top three seeds in D1.
  • No team has finished undefeated in at LEAST six seasons... and we predict the trend holds up for a seventh.  Expect every team to lose at least one game this session.
  • Can't Touch This, currently 0-2 as we write this, will make it to the D3 Championship game (we make no predictions whether they'll win or lose it).
  • TOX and Vaspian will be the only TSL teams not to make the playoffs this session.

 

But what do we know?  We went 3 out of 6 on last year's predictions:

  • There are no undefeated teams in any divisions, but at least one team will go winless [We were spot on!  Zero undefeated teams, while both Two Tuddies (who had a tie) and Bullet Club (who did not have a tie) went winless]
  • Spinelli's Plumbing wins a championship for the second season in a row [Nope.  They went 4-5 and were knocked out in the first round by the eventual champions Practice Squad]
  • Passed Our Prime will be the highest scoring team in the TSL this season across all divisions[Nope.  They finished as the 21st highest scoring team in the TSL so we were way off here... but they DID win a shocking D2 championship, so we were right to believe in Hogan, if not in the consistency of this team]
  • There will be exactly three different QBs to reach #1 in our Power Rankings this season [Nailed it with this one... of course it helps that we determine the rankings, so we could have rigged this one if we wanted.  Joey Batts, Mike Thomas and Bobby McConnell each reigned on top of the Power Rankings for at least a week last session]
  • Zack Attack finishes with the #1 defense in the League [Zack Attack was one of only four teams who finished last season allowing under 20 points per game... but TMA finished with the best defense in the League, so we were wrong here]
  • Steph Infection beats Liddle Deaks in the Breakfast Club finals[YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.  We correctly called the winner and the runner-up of Breakfast Club last session.]
  • TMA makes, and loses, the D5 Finals game this session [Why do we bet on TMA?  The D5 finals was Red Zone Mafia over Cobblestone]  

 

So there you go.  Let's get to the first QB Power Rankings of the Spring 2022 Season.  Most of our stars are back, although we have a few notable player movements:

  • Bro Kleckler, the eight-time #1 ranked QB for Tight Ends in Motion, is back this session after taking the Spring off.  Seth Molisani, who had replaced Bro, will still be QBing for Buffalo Vice Retro, the D2 offshoot of D4 Buffalo Vice.
  • Freeballers and Bullet Club flipped divisions this session, but it looks like Dylan Jaloza will only be throwing for D2 Freeballers now.  Bullet Club will allegedly turn back to long-time ace / team founder Jeff Easton at QB.
  • When Dove Cries is not putting in a team this session, which means Topper's unbelievable streak (literally unbelievable; we track this stuff, and we don't believe it) of making our Top Ten every season since we began Power Ranking will come to an end.  Unless of course Legends benches Joey mid-season and calls on Topper to take over.

 

We started the Fall 2022 session with only half our teams playing, so not a huge amount of movement in our Top Ten yet.  Let's see where we are to start the season!

 

 

#1 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week:  Beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 44-16 (Legends), beat Puckett All-Stars 51-44 (Cunning Stunts)

Joey picked up where he left off a couple months ago, winning games and talking shit.  Will all this "QB is Legends only weakness" talk go away now that he's won the big one, or is that a storyline we're going to hear about all season?

 

#2 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for last season's #2, who was second in total TSL points per game, the second seed in D1, second place in the playoffs, and second in our Power Rankings.

 

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week:  Did Not Play

Eyes Downtown start the Fall season with a bye and will open next week against Tight Ends in Motion.

 

#4 Brandt Dubey - DILFS

Last Week:  Beat the Replacements 53-14

Did we learn anything we didn't already know about Dubey or the DILFS from watching them destroy a brand new team that probably has no business being in D2?  Probably not, but a tune-up game never hurts.

 

#5 Jeremy "Hogan" Olson - Passed Our Prime

Last Week:  Did Not Play

Who is Hogan throwing to now that he's lost Kyle Conniff and Sean Battaglia (why not, it seems like he's officially been adopted by Joey at this point)?  We'll find out next week.

 

#6 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week:  Lost to Grey Hair - Don't Care 34-24

Grey Hair shut out Scared Hitless 14-0 last season and beat them in their first ever game in D1 to start this season.  Seems like Eickhoff and company have Dylan's number... but we still have Dylan ranked just a little higher.

 

#7 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care

Last Week:  Beat Scared Hitless 34-24, lost to Legends 44-16

The good news is that Grey Hair - Don't Care picked up their first win in D1 on their first day in the division.  The bad news is their loss against Legends wasn't particularly close, which shows how wide the gap might be between the top D1 teams and the new teams that just moved up.

 

#8 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week:  Did Not Play

Untouchaballs had the week off to start the Fall season.  They annihilated D3 most of last season... will they even be a top three team in D2 this session?

 

#9 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins

Last Week:  Beat the Replacements 65-18

Garrett has a bunch of new toys to play with this session and the results were exactly what we expected in Week One, but like we wrote for DILFS above, we won't draw too many conclusions until we see Frodo play a team other than The Replacements.

 

#10 Scott Drosendahl - Scott Seniors Starting

Last Week:  Beat Can't Touch This 42-35, beat Get Schwifty 40-14

Ahh it's time once again for our bi-annual tradition of Scotty starting hot, winning a bunch of games and putting up great numbers, then collapsing in the second half of the season.  So far they're on schedule with a 2-0 record... what will they do differently this season to avoid the usual collapse?

 

So that's a look at where we stand after one week.  As always, we will expand coverage throughout the season to cover more and more QBs, but it's difficult when seemingly half the League hasn't played a game yet AND we're not even sure who's throwing for every team yet.  We'll get there.

 

**

 

For all you TSL history buffs out there that want to know QB Power Rankings data stretching back before the Top Ten chart shown above, here is the entire history of the Top Ten going back the past six seasons that we've been Power Ranking (season three being shortened by one week due to COVID issues):

 

 

UGLY chart (and it gets uglier every session we do this)... but thorough!  This is our summary version of the above, showing cumulative points for the last six seasons for every QB who has EVER cracked the Top Ten.  Here's how it works: you get 10 points for a first place week, 1 point for a tenth place week, and zero points for not making the Top Ten at all that week.  Active QBs (as far as we know) are highlighted in gold so you can see who has the best chance to move up this season.  Gives you a fairly accurate sense of who our top QBs have been over the past six seasons we think (obviously biased towards people that have been here the longest over that stretch):

 

 

**

And finally, here is our schedule for what we plan to rank this season OTHER than just our usual QB Rankings.  If you have feedback ahead of these articles and you want to weigh in, you can always email us at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  If you email us AFTER the fact to complain about how much you hated them, we'll just tell you that you should have let us know sooner!

 

  • September 15: Best Female Players in the League
  • September 22: Best at Bar (Individuals, Not Teams)
  • September 29: Best Male Players (Non-QB) in the League
  • October 6: Division All-Star Teams Announced

 

***

 

That's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you want to see those "Best in the League" graphs while your team is riding a hot 1-0 start to the season?  you hate that we basically copy/paste the first article of every season from the previous season with very little original thought?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..    Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

Week 8 Rankings

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
Created: Thursday, 09 June 2022 17:54
Published: Thursday, 09 June 2022 17:54
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 134

 

Hello and welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  

 

This week we have the following for you:

  • The second-to-last QB Rankings of the season, since we don't update these throughout playoffs.  At this point we're eight weeks into a nine-week season, so you sort of "are who you are" at this point.  You thought you'd be better eight weeks ago, right?  We're sorry it didn't work out for you.
  • One more "best offense" graph for you, along with a short comparison of scoring by division.
  • A BIG ANNOUNCEMENT on a future TSL institution that's starting up this December.

 

But first... here are your QB Rankings for the week.  Enjoy!

 

 

#1 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week:  Beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 53-37 (D2 Crossover)

The #1 QB in our Power Rankings is now the #1 highest scoring quarterback in the TSL at 39.4 PPG.  Eyes Downtown started the season 0-2, and hasn't lost a game since.  Remember when we thought their season was over and mutiny was brewing?  Yeah, we don't know shit.

 

#2 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week:  Beat Passed Our Prime 49-19 (D2 Crossover game, Legends), beat Spinelli's Plumbing 45-40 (Cunning Stunts)

"Imagine if Legends had a real QB!" says every Joey Batts hater. They're eighth in the entire TSL in scoring... and one of the seven teams above them is Cunning Stunts.  Joey is ONE good day away from locking up the #1 seeds in both D1 and D4.  You can relax, he's doing just fine.

 

#3 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for Sticky Bandits this week as Mike relaxes on a beach somewhere (probably).

 

#4 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week:  Beat Tight Ends in Motion 35-31

A D2 team has finally won a Crossover game against a D1 team!  Of COURSE it was Scared Hitless.  They were the only team unlucky enough to get two D1 Crossover games on their schedule this season (an unfortunate side effect of having a division with an odd number of teams) but instead of complaining about their unfair schedule they just went out and kicked ass, beating Tight Ends this week (and nearly winning their first Crossover game a few weeks back too).  Dylan... you're ready for D1.  But try to win D2 first.

 

#5 Brandt Dubey - DILFS

Last Week:  Beat Notorious BNB 45-21

If anyone is going to stand in the way of Scared Hitless taking the D2 championship, it's DILFS.  Their only three losses this year have been to Scared Hitless way back in April, a D1 crossover game they almost won, and the infamous "should Garbacz have counted down the end of the game" loss to Grey Hair - Don't Care.  Oh and Dubey is actually the highest scoring quarterback in D2 right now at 33.4 PPG.  If DILFS win the championship this season, Travis will have won three of the last five D2 titles.  

 

#6 Jeremy "Hogan" Olson - Passed Our Prime

Last Week:  Did Not Play

Hogan had to miss the Passed Our Prime game this week due to a combination of COVID and a paralyzing fear of facing Joey Batts.

 

#7 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week:  Beat Sleezin Szn 42-25

Untouchaballs just keep scoring and keep winning, and those are KIND of our only criteria for QB Power Ranking outside of "what division do you play in?".  Burr is tied for second in the TSL in scoring at 38.6 PPG, which means that Eyes Downtown now has both the #1 and #2 highest scoring QBs on its roster. That's kind of cool for them (and a bummer for the rest of us).   

 

#8 Alex Buchlis - The Notorious BNB

Last Week:  Lost to DILFS 45-21

Notorious BNB have now lost their last three games by 27, 34 and 24 points.  Now, two of those games were against DILFS and the other was a D1 Crossover game, but still a tough stretch of football for Buchlis and team.  They have a doubleheader to end the regular season against When Dove Cries and Scared Hitless, so they could finish anywhere from 2nd to 6th in their division based on how Saturday goes.

 

#9 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care

Last Week:  Lost to Eyes Downtown 53-37 (D1 Crossover)

Scoring 37 points against the hottest team in the League is nothing to hang your head about.  Grey Hair - Don't Care lost the game, but their momentum is pretty strong going into the last week of our regular season.  They've won four in a row against their own division, and let's just ASSUME they beat Bullet Club to make it five in a row this week.

 

#10 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins

Last Week:  Did Not Play

Garrett may not have won a game on Saturday, but he's a winner in our books for generously buying shots for all the TSL refs in his absence on Lenny and Rameer Day.  Garrett really ought to win TSL Man of the Year every year (or whatever the equivalent award is that we give out... most dedicated male?)

 

#11 Dylan Jaloza - Bullet Club / Freeballers

Last Week:  Lost to When Dove Cries 38-26 (Bullet Club), lost to Show Me Dem TDs 22-20, beat Buffalo Vice 34-21 (Freeballers)

So Freeballers is the only team that can beat #1 seeded Untouchaballs... and yet they've lost to both of D3's lowest seeded teams, Show Me Dem TD's and Sleezin Szn?  We're not sure if this is a statement about the parity of D3 ("anyone can beat anyone on a given day!") or if it's a statement about the inconsistency of Freeballers.  Oh, and Bullet Club lost again.  That team is not helping Dylan's Power Ranking this year.

 

#12 Scott Drosendahl - 4th & Something

Last Week:  Lost to Itches and Ohs 45-41

Last week we said "this week's Itches and Ohs game will be a big sign of whether these guys are ready to sack up and rediscover their mojo, or if they're just in freefall for the rest of the season."  4th & Something has chosen freefall.  The offense is still great, but they've given up 37, 46, 47, 38 and 45 points in their last five games.  We're not saying they won't win another game... but we are saying they're not going to win three in a row in late June to win a championship.

 

#13 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad

Last Week:  Did Not Play (forfeit win)

Forfeit wins are still wins.  XMD fears B.

 

#14 Seth Molisani - Tight Ends in Motion / Buffalo Vice

Last Week:  Lost to Scared Hitless 35-31 (D2 Crossover, Tight Ends in Motion), lost to Freeballers 34-21 (Buffalo Vice)

A week after earning his first Tight Ends in Motion win of the year in a D2 crossover game vs DILFS, Seth earns the first D1 loss of the year in another Crossover game against D2's Scared Hitless.  Scoring 31 points isn't too bad though, so unless Scared Hitless was scoring on pick-six after pick-six, Seth's defense certainly owns a share of this L.  Buffalo Vice also lost to drop to 3-5 on the season.  Tough day.

 

#15 Nick Hawes - Spinelli's Plumbing

Last Week:  Lost to Cunning Stunts 45-40

Teams that score 40+ points ought to win games... unless they're playing against Cunning Stunts apparently, who have allowed 40+ points three times this season and are 2-1 in those games.  Spinelli's is 4-4 in their first season in D4 (second in their division in point differential at +59) and if our math is correct we THINK they've already clinched a playoff spot since they own a tiebreaker over XMD.  D4 playoffs will be a LOT harder than D5 was last session, so Spinelli's needs to find another gear if they don't want to be just another first round playoff exit.

 

#16 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs

Last Week:  Beat 4th & Something 45-41, lost to Sleezin Szn 22-8

Itches had a great showing against 4th & Something putting up 45 points in a win... and a less great showing against Sleezin Szn, putting up 8 points in a loss.  Last season we talked about how these guys put up mediocre regular season stats and then they won a D4 championship regardless, so maybe we SHOULDN'T bet against them in the playoffs.  But that's exactly what we're going to do.

 

#17 Matt Newman - Sleezin Szn

Last Week:  Lost to Untouchaballs 42-25, beat Itches and Ohs 22-8

The Szn of Sleezin is here, as Newman leads his team to its second win in the last two weeks.  Yes, they've also lost games each of the last two weeks, but when you start the season 0-4 a couple of 1-1 weeks don't sound so bad.  Three of Sleezin's losses this Szn have come by a combined 4 points, so this is a team that could easily be 5-3 right now with a little more luck.  Don't count them out for a playoff run just yet.  

 

#18 Joe Miano - Interdimensional Lightning Falcons

Last Week:  Beat Can't Touch This 37-33

The Falcons started the season slowly but they've now won three in a row (which we're expecting will be four next week if playoff-eliminated XMD has already mentally checked out for the season) and Miano has to feel good about his momentum right now for playoffs.  Sure, they're still -2 in point differential on the season, but winning builds confidence and the ILFers have to be feeling it now.

 

#19 TJ Ferguson - Puckett All-Stars

Last Week:  Lost to Varsity Has Beens 32-26

Regular season doesn't mean shit to these guys as they chase their record-tying fifth TSL championship rings.  Loss to 1-5 Varsity Has Beens?  Who cares?  This loss won't even be remembered when they're blowing out some team 52-17 on the way to the D4 Finals.

 

#20 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 38-26

Patrick "the Logo" McGovern won his first game of the season after being a combined 0-7ish between Breakfast Club and When Dove Cries.  That's good news for all of us, as Topper had (probably) planned to shut down the entire League after this session if he couldn't personally experience the joy of a single win himself.  He's very selfish like that.  We're not ready to name When Dove Cries playoff favorites JUST yet, but we hear Scared Hitless and DILFS are quietly making plans to "Tonya Harding" our League icon before his Comeback Player of the Year season REALLY takes off.   

 

#21 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone

Last Week:  Lost to Red Zone Mafia 34-14

Wasn't Cobblestone undefeated with Darryl under center?? All good things must come to an end it seems as they got crushed by Red Zone Mafia this week.  Cobblestone was in the driver's seat for the #1 seed in D5 all season, and now they're at risk of falling to 5th place in the standings if the worst-case scenario should happen this coming Saturday.  Darryl's been an underdog before, he can handle that role.  

 

#22 John Langley - Travis Henry's Kids

Last Week:  Beat Southside 33-29

Maybe we don't crown these guys D6 champions quite yet.  Sure, they're still winning games (seven in a row, longest streak in the TSL) but for the third time this season Travis Henry's Kids won by a single score.  What happens in the playoffs when nerves enter the picture and John isn't winning by 15 at halftime?  Anything can happen...

 

#23 Blake Fisher - Red Zone Mafia

Last Week:  Beat Not So Sticky 41-23, beat Cobblestone 34-14

Red Zone Mafia won their doubleheader by a combined 75-37 score in an absolutely dominant day that pushed Blake and his teammates from just over .500 to second place in the D5 standings.  Red Zone Mafia are just behind TMA for best point differential per game in D5, and if they have their full team for playoffs they might be considered the favorites.

 

#24 Jeff Jenkins - XMD

Last Week:  Did Not Play (forfeit loss)

"DMX" never would have lost a playoff spot via forfeit.

 

#25 Andy Clark - Show Me Dem TDs

Last Week:  Lost to Frodo Swaggins 37-15, beat Freeballers 22-20

Show Me Dem TDs is definitely showing life late in the season with their first "quality" win of the season (minor disrespect intended to Sleezin Szn who, in our defense, were winless going into the week that Andy played them).  Of course losing to a Garrett-less Frodo Swaggins on the same day isn't great.  This feels more like a team to keep an eye on next season, rather than one we expect to compete this season.

 

#26 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This 

Last Week:  Lost to Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 37-33

The four-game winning streak is over as Can't Touch This finally lost a game to Interdimensional Lightning Falcons on Saturday.  "These guys figured out the co-ed touch game, and now they're going to be unstoppable" was too convenient of a narrative.  Everyone wins and loses games.  Can't Touch This will have to scrap and claw their way to a championship just like everyone else. 

 

#27 Zack Elphick - Zack Attack

Last Week:  Beat Today's Feast 47-15

This is what we've been waiting for!  Zack Attack have been competitive ALL season, but they've mostly been carried by their "third best in the TSL" defense.  Saturday's beatdown of Today's Feast was their first game scoring over 24 points since April 23rd.  The offense came to life, the defense STILL played well, and this is what Zack Attack's potential should look like.

 

#28 Brian Orzechowski - Vaspian

Last Week:  Lost to TOX 27-14

Vaspian started the season 5-0 and they are 0-3 since, averaging 14 points per game throughout their losing streak.  They are second best in the TSL in defense, and fourth WORST in the TSL for offense.  This was all fine when they were winning, but they have GOT to find another gear on offense if they want to escape the first round of playoffs.  

 

#29 Jeff Easton - Tater Tots

Last Week:  Beat 716 44-14

The Tater Tots have gone through so many QBs this season it's been tough to get a handle on how good they are as a team.  With just a week left in the regular season though they're 5-2 in the standings AND they boast the fourth best defense in the League.  If only they had a consistently great QB on their roster... and that's where former Bullet Club ace Jeff Easton comes in.  The Tots have beaten two GOOD teams with Easton under center the past couple weeks (716 and Red Zone Mafia).  Easton might just be the missing piece here to get the Tots into the D5 championship game this session.

 

#30 Derek Pew - 716

Last Week:  Lost to Tater Tots 44-14

A 30-point loss is never fun, but what's even worse is the way the 716 offense is trending lately.  They've scored only 22, 19, 15 and 14 points in their last four games, in that order.  They're also 2-2 over that stretch so the defense has been bailing them out a bit, but what happened to the team that averaged 45 PPG over a three-game stretch earlier this season?  Derek needs to re-discover THAT offense in time for playoffs.  

 

 

***

 

Graphs and Stats of the Week

 

Here's the same offensive "points per game" graph you've seen a half dozen times before, but with all the divisions combined into one "best to worst" view so you can see how bad you are against OTHER divisions, not just your own!

 

 

Curious how each division's scoring compares against each other?  So were we:

 

 

Looks like D1 is where our highest scoring games are being played this session by a pretty wide lead, followed by D3, D2 and D4 (which are nearly the same), D6, and lastly D5 which is dominated by good defenses (or sloppy offenses, take your pick).

 

We don't put TOO much stock in "points per game" as the biggest factor in our QB Rankings, but going back to that first graph above, it's worth noting that if Cunning Stunts had scored ONE more point so far this season, then the quarterbacks of our three highest scoring teams this season would ALSO be our Top Three QBs in the Power Rankings in that exact order.  This is more of a coincidence than anything we had planned, but to anyone who says "your QB rankings are way off"... well, least at the TOP of the Rankings, the math says we're actually spot on! 

 

If we HAD to bet on who will finish the season #1 in scoring, we'd say The Untouchaballs have the inside track.  Let's assume only teams currently scoring over 37 PPG have a realistic chance at this... what do our matchups for the last week of the season look like?

  • Eyes Downtown starts the day with a 6-point lead, but they play Legends who are by far the best defense in D1.
  • Sticky Bandits play Tight Ends in Motion, a team they scored only 20 points against in their last matchup.
  • The Untouchaballs play Frodo Swaggins, a team that has given up 40+ points on defense three times this session.
  • Cunning Stunts play Varsity Has Beens (they'll score 40+ here) and then Zack Attack (who are allowing less than 20 PPG, and historically have done well against the Stunts).  
  • Travis Henry's Kids are probably done for the season with both teams agreeing to a "rain-out reschedule tie" so their scoring average will end at 37.3 PPG.
  • Spinelli's Plumbing will play Practice Squad, the 8th best defense in the TSL and best team in their division.

It's got to be Untouchaballs here, right?  Although don't count out Two Tuddies, who need only 204 points against Tater Tots this week to catch up to Eyes Downtown!

 

***

 

The TSL Hall of Fame

 

Earlier this season when we were debating what kind of topics would be fun to rank (male non-QBs, female players, division all-stars, best teams of all time...) we thought it would be a great idea to rank future TSL "Hall of Famers".  Of course, we don't have an actual Hall of Fame, so this was just a theoretical exercise to debate who would be the most worthy inductees.  But then the more we started talking about it, the more we realized, damn... there SHOULD be an real TSL Hall of Fame!

 

So, after conferring with the boss man, here is the plan: we're going to make an actual TSL Hall of Fame.  No, Topper probably isn't going to purchase land in Cooperstown (or Lancaster) and construct an actual building for this, but we DO plan to add a "TSL Hall of Fame" section to the website and induct actual TSL legends past and present every year.  We're still working out all the details, but the current goal is to announce these Hall of Fame Inductees at the Banquet every winter.  Hall of Fame classes will be small and exclusive (three to five inductees per year) and they'll cover the full end of the spectrum: our best athletes, our best bar legends, anyone who has significantly contributed to the history of our great League.  Seems like a great way to honor people that have made huge contributions to this League that is so important to so many of us.

 

Now that we know that this is really happening, it doesn't make sense for us to "rank" Hall of Famers in this week's article.  The TSL QB Power Ranking Committee has no idea who the first Hall of Fame class will be, and we don't want to give the impression that OUR choices are first in line for the honor.  Really, how are WE qualified to do this?  We can't even get your quarterback rankings right!  So instead of us throwing out a bunch of ideas here, we'll ask the following instead: if you have an idea who should be enshrined in a TSL Hall of Fame, please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  We aren't going to take MOST of your suggestions, at least not in Year One, but will give us a sense of "we HAVE to include this man/woman" if they keep coming up in multiple emails.

 

We look forward to hearing from you!

 

***

 

That's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team's QB should be ranked higher? you want us to spend more time calling out teams at the BOTTOM of our charts on how bad they are? you don't plan on emailing us your Hall of Fame ideas but you're already mad about us not including you?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

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