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Week 4 Rankings

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
Created: Tuesday, 08 September 2020 15:20
Published: Tuesday, 08 September 2020 15:20
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 201


"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." - Charles Dickens


After enduring the longest forced offseason in TSL history, the League was back with a vengeance in Week One and all was right again.  The snow fences, masked faces and check-in gates gave the Rose Garden a different look and feel but... it was football again.  We were back.  


Until we weren't.


We on the QB Power Rankings Committee had planned to use our article this week as a venue to express our anger and frustration at the events of the past couple of weeks.  Anger that the League was shut down after all the precautions were taken and everything had been done right.  Anger that there are individuals out there who are jealous of what we have in the TSL, and want to take it from us purely for spite.  We had a long list of grievances to air, and we knew exactly how we were going to write about it...


We would write an entire article "Power Ranking" the WNY Football Leagues and their Commissioners.


But as is usually the case, the wisdom of Topper prevailed, and he convinced us that it does us no good to focus on the actions of other Leagues.  It's easy to get caught up in the finger pointing and petty Facebook messages and all of that, but at the end of the day it doesn't make our League any better.  What makes us better is to continue to work on ourselves and being the best Football League we can be.  That means having the best people, the best communication, and the best (and safest) product for our players.  They say the best revenge is living well, so hey, let's do that.  The only spot that really matters in the League/Commissioner Rankings is #1, so here is the best Football League/Commissioner in Western New York:


1. Topper Sports League - Patrick "Topper" McGovern


The hours of work and calls and emails that Topper had to endure to get us back on track must have been exhausting, but we're back in business now because he continued to fight for us.  Did you have a great time on Saturday?  So did we, and it's a testament to his efforts (and ALL the TSL players that stepped up to offer to help) that that was possible.  Thanks for all you do Topper.  We are loyal to you, because you continue to be loyal to us.


That being said, part of getting "back to business" with the League is doing what we always do - Power Ranking your League QBs.  So without further adieu, here are the Week Four (Week Two?) Rankings with a Bonus #11-15 shown in the chart below:




#1 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown, The Angels - Previous Rank (#1)

Last Week:  Beat Tight Ends in Motion 46-29 (Eyes Downtown) and Uncle Rico's Time Travelers 35-32 (The Angels)

Why He Should Be Higher:  Well he can't be HIGHER than #1, but he's the highest scoring QB (46 PPG) in the Top Division for an undefeated team, and that's a pretty good resume.  Also undefeated as the QB of The Angels in D4.  Not bad.  We realize that his 46 PPG is a small sample size as Eyes Downtown just played their first game on Saturday, but it's currently the highest for a team in ANY division outside of Frodo Swaggins (D3 - 54 PPG) and The Bambs (D6 - also 46 PPG).

Why He Should Be Lower:  He shouldn't be.  But if we were nitpicking?  We seem to recall a team called MATTY'S Angels that used to blow away the competition.  Why are they only winning by 2.5 PPG with the #1 QB in the League under center?  We'll give them some more time to gel before we pass judgment on Bobby's ability to lead a team of Angels.

Next Week: Marketing Mayors (Eyes Downtown), Over Compensators (The Angels)


#2 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - Previous Rank (#2)

Last Week:  Beat Gryffindor 27-21

Why He Should Be Higher:  Bobby's resume is good, but it doesn't have "defending D1 champion" on it.  Didn't Chris win their last head to head game in the 2019 Championship game?  Eyes Downtown's winning streak is currently at one game; Public Enemy is at LEAST four, having swept the playoffs last year at Bobby's expense, and starting this season 2-0.  Don't wins matter more than PPG?

Why He Should Be Lower:  Okay, points per game matter a LITTLE to us, and Public Enemy is putting up 32.5 per game this season so far.  That's not only two scores less than Eyes Downtown, it's actually slightly less than Marketing Mayors too.  And although they can't control their schedule, Public Enemy's only two games this season were against the team with the worst record in D1 last year, and a brand new team.  Shouldn't they be winning by more?  We're splitting hairs here of course; we won't know how the top QBs really stack up until they play against each other this season.

Next Week: Marketing Mayors, Tight Ends in Motion


#3 Mark Dalfonso - Marketing Mayors - Previous Rank (#3)

Last Week:  Beat Why So Serious 33-19

Why He Should Be Higher:  His 33 PPG are 0.5 better than Cole?  Look, Marketing Mayors plays BOTH Eyes Downtown and Public Enemy next week, so if Dalfonso is going to move up in the Rankings he knows what he's got to do.  Will going 2-0 next week vault him to the Top Spot?  Shouldn't it?? 

Why He Should Be Lower:  Oh, he shouldn't be LOWER.  The Top Three is carved in stone right now.  Until one of these guys gets upset by another D1 team (or a D2 team in a Crossover week... wouldn't that be something) they are the Top Three in the League.

Next Week: Eyes Downtown, Public Enemy


#4 Dean Thompson - Peachy Platoon - Previous Rank (#4)

Last Week: Beat Sticky Bandits 25-18

Why He Should Be Higher:  If he wanted to be higher, he should have moved Peachy Platoon up to D1.  Wasn't that rumored to happen last year?  Dean is still kicking ass in D2 though as Peachy picks up their first win of the season.

Why He Should Be Lower:  Peachy Platoon is averaging 26 PPG, which is 7th in D2.  Ouch.  We know Dean's an athlete and his defense is without question better than everyone else on this list, but to stay in the 4th spot in the QB Power Rankings, he's going to need to up his game offensively.

Next Week: Jabronies


#5 Matt Newman - Slytherin That End Zone - Previous Rank (#6)

Last Week: Beat Bullet Club 31-28

Why He Should Be Higher:  Slytherin is the only undefeated Team in D2 and they have the highest PPT (32.0) in the Division.  Better record and better PPG than Dean Thompson.  How is Newman not #4??

Why He Should Be Lower:  There's an argument to be made that Slytherin are winning in SPITE of Newman, not because of him.  We hear he threw a number of picks against Bullet Club and was lucky to walk away with the win.  Can't reward that with a Top Four spot in the Rankings!  If Slytherin keep winning though, Newman can force his way up another spot.

Next Week: Hobrauhaus Buffalo


#6 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - Previous Rank (#7)

Last Week: Lost to Peachy Platoon 25-18, beat Hofbrauhaus Buffalo 36-28

Why He Should Be Higher:  There might not be a hotter QB in the TSL right now than Mike Thomas.  The Sticky Bandits have the second best record in their division after being written off by many as "not ready for D2" and Thomas has consistently won since converting from Wide Receiver to Quarterback.

Why He Should Be Lower:  The Sticky Bandits are third in D2 in PPG, where Mike is behind not only Newman (correctly ranked ahead of him) but also the Jeff Easton/Ricky Austin two headed dragon of Bullet Club.  We don't really know where to rank either of those guys yet because they seem to be splitting the job for now (we have Ricky at #15 today), but there's an argument to be made that whoever ultimately gets the most reps for Bullet Club could be a half step ahead of Thomas.  

Next Week: Morning Wood


#7 Vince Taverna - All We Do is Quinn - Previous Rank (#8)

Last Week: Beat Vaspian 45-20

Why He Should Be Higher:  Undefeated team, +41 point differential in D3.  There were rumors that AWDIQ would decline this session after some key personnel changes but... we can't resist... all they do is (q)win.

Why He Should Be Lower:  Undefeated team, +41 point differential in D3... am I describing Quinn, or am I describing the FAR higher scoring Frodo Swaggins?  Both teams have identical records and point differentials, but where Quinn is averaging 37.5 PPG, Frodo is averaging 54 PPG.  Tough to argue that Vince deserves this spot more than Scotty right now, but he's been doing it longer, so Vince gets the edge for now.  Oh, hey, look who Quinn plays next week...

Next Week: Frodo Swaggins


#8 Scott Drosendahl - Frodo Swaggins - Previous Rank (#10)

Last Week: Beat Family Feud and Some Dudes 68-41

Why He Should Be Higher:  To recap the above: same record, more points than his primary competitor Vince Taverna.  Also, Frodo Swaggins is now the highest scoring team in the league in any division, with 54 PPG.

Why He Should Be Lower:  The only argument for dropping Scott's ranking is Frodo's schedule.  They played a new team in Untouchaballs the first week and then... a brand new team from a lower division that they beat up on this week.  Family Feud and Some Dudes is no AWDIQ.  Scotty's killing it, but this week seems like a pretty solid preview of the D3 finals, so let's wait and see how that goes before we push Mr. Drosendahl any higher.

Next Week: All We Do is Quinn


#9 Alex Buchlis - Tight Ends in Motion - Previous Rank (NR)

Last Week: Lost to Eyes Downtown 46-29

Why He Should Be Higher:  After over a year lost to injuries and pandemic, Alex made his return in a losing effort against Eyes Downtown.  Almost everybody loses to Eyes Downtown; not everybody could drop nearly 30 points against them.  There are four D2/D3 QBs ahead of him in the Rankings today, and Alex has won both of those divisions before.  There's an argument to be made that he's more accomplished than half the people ahead of him right now.

Why He Should Be Lower:  A year is a long time off, and Alex is still winless in 2020.  The Tight Ends schedule doesn't get any easier as they play Public Enemy next week, and a 0-2 start may bounce Alex out of the Top Ten.  It begs the question though: how high could he rise with a win over Chris Cole?

Next Week: Public Enemy


#10 Joey Batts - Gryffindor, Cunning Stunts - Previous Rank (#9)

Last Week: Lost to Public Enemy 27-21 (Gryffindor), lost to Buffalo Solar Solutions 46-37 (Cunning Stunts)

Why He Should Be Higher:  Gryffindor were neck and neck with the D1 champs in the closing minutes of their game.  How many QBs above can say they've gotten that close to beating THE champs?  Shouldn't a struggling D1 QB be rated above a thriving D3 QB?  Wouldn't Gryffindor beat AWDIQ head to head?  

Why He Should Be Lower:  Since moving up to D1, Gryffindor has lost a lot of games, no way around it.  Joey continues to play well against the top teams in the League and he deserves to be Top Ten (if not higher).  People who have played against him would agree.  But any argument about "why he should be lower" would be squarely based on his W/L record, which (other than Cunning Stunts) hasn't been great.  Joey plays new D1 team Why So Serious next week, which should be a good opportunity to get another D1 win under his belt.

Next Week: Why So Serious


A few quick hits on the QBs on the verge of cracking the Top Ten... but not quite there yet:


#11 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - All the stress of government bureaucracy and restarting the League has not been great for our Commissioner's game.  He may be #1 in the Commissioner Power Rankings, but Topper drops to #11 in the QB Power Rankings after starting the season 0-5 (0-6 if you could his subbing appearance for Dilf's, which, you know, we do).  


#12 Pete Nguyen - Has yet to win a game as QB but Why So Serious is playing against the absolute best touch football teams in WNY, so let's keep that in mind.  Pete is actually playing fairly well; his receivers and defense need to step up as well if they hope to beat Gryffindor this week.


#13 Joe Miano - An absent Joe Miano drops two spots in the rankings this week as backup Dave "Bro" Kleckler QBed Jabronies to a big 37-36 win over Hofbrauhaus Buffalo.  We don't think there will be a QB controversy here, but starter Joe is 0-1 and backup Bro is 1-0... 


#14 David Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care are 2-0 with the second highest PPG in D3 (38.5); that's actually a hair better than AWDIQ, and we rated Vince a lot higher... is Grey Hair ready to make this a three way race for the D3 title?


#15 Ricky Austin - Ricky played well in his only appearance so far this year, but he's only played about 25% of the Bullet Club season so far.  At some point does Jeff Easton just overtake Ricky on the QB Rankings?  Tough to rank teams that seem to be switching QB's every week (Dilfs, Morning Wood etc).


Final Observations:

  • Mountain Dew Me is 2-0 with 90 points scored and 12 points allowed... are they really averaging a 45-6 win through the first two weeks?  I'd hate to be the next team to play them... especially if I were the 0-6 QB of TOX desperate for my first win of the season.
  • 6 points per game allowed is by far the best in the League on Defense right now.  Who's #2?  Practice Squad with 11, the OTHER undefeated team in D5.  Take a look at those D5 standings and you'll see two teams with massively positive point differentials, and then six other teams in the negatives.  I wonder what odds the Godfather would put on these two meeting in the Finals.
  • Speaking of point differential, The Angels are +5 and leading their division.  That is the worst division leading performance we can recall, but... does it matter?  The goal is to win games, and they have.
  • We've talked about the best, but what about the worst?  Two weeks into the season the lowest offensive PPG in the League belongs to Interdimensional Lightning Falcons and the highest defensive PPG belongs to Tight Ends in Motion.  Two weeks is a small sample size - we don't know anything about the Falcons, but we suspect Dave Baker will find a way to right the ship quickly for Tight Ends.
  • There are still 14 undefeated teams and 14 winless teams after two weeks of action.  That's not very unusual this early in a season (some teams have only played one game) but in a couple weeks it'll be interesting to see who's still in the ranks of the unbeaten (or unwon? there must be a better word for that).

That's it for this week.  No, we don't have any fancy charts yet.  Even though we like pointing out stats like the ones above, the data isn't REALLY useful until each team has played at least a few games, so that's when we'll start publishing those.


As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you miss our long, badly written paragraphs and don't like this week's new format?  you're curious how those Commissioner rankings would have looked?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Remember, with the COVID regulations we have in place at the fields this year, it's a lot harder for spectators to watch games... which means it's a lot harder for the people on the QB Committee to watch your games.  If we're not writing about the action in your games, odds are we didn't see it.  Please email us to tell us what you're seeing out there - make our lives that much easier.


What's YOUR ranking?

TSL QB Power Rankings - Week One

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
Created: Thursday, 20 August 2020 16:41
Published: Thursday, 20 August 2020 16:41
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 251


The longest offseason in League history is over, and the first week of the 2020 COVID Comeback Season is now in the books.  We've got some new faces in the QB mix this year, and we've got some legends of the TSL returning for another shot at Power Rankings glory.  Each week we'll be reporting on the best of the best (or the worst of the worst, if we feel like shaming someone) so stay tuned and see how your QB stacks up.


The first week of any season is always the hardest to rank and causes the most arguments amongst the QB Power Rankings Committee.  You've got QBs who haven't even played a game yet; you've got people playing their first ever game at QB, so you don't REALLY know how good they are yet; you've got people who had monster games against teams you THOUGHT were okay, but then turn out to be terrible a few weeks later.  So how do we do it?  


Rule #1: Don't overreact to Week One performances.  People rarely go from superstars to trash overnight, or vice versa.  If someone's worthy of a spot towards the top of the Power Rankings, they'll prove it over time.


Rule #2: Always ask yourself the question: Who would I rather have QBing my team in the big game?  If someone's lighting it up in D4, that doesn't necessarily mean I'd rather have them QBing my team than someone that's struggling in D1.  This isn't a ranking of "who had the best week" (the Mountain Dew Me QB would rank #1 for sure)... think of it more as a ranking of "who would you most want to fill in as your team's QB tomorrow?"


So let's get to it.  Here are your Top Ten:



We'll start with your Top Three, who barely played in Week One.  


Bobby McConnell (#1) had a bye week for Eyes Downtown, although he's now 1-0 as the starting QB of The (formerly Matty's) Angels.  It took a walk off SAFETY to get the W, and we're pretty sure they were blowing teams out of the water with Matty at QB, but regardless of how it happened, when your top ranked quarterback in the League starts the season undefeated it should be no surprise that he keeps his spot at the top.


Chris Cole (#2) led Public Enemy to a 38-20 win over D1 newcomers Why So Serious.  Not enough to vault him to #1 yet... but he has a solid chance to retake the #1 Ranking (which should be named after him, he's held it so often) when Public Enemy takes on Eyes Downtown in the biggest game of Week Two.


Mark Dalfonso (#3) and Marketing Mayors, much like most of D1, started the season with a bye.  With no Week One games between Bobby, Chris and Mark, there was very little chance that the Power Rankings Top Three were going to change this week.  These are the undisputed best in the League right now, and they're not going to get punished or rewarded until they've faced some real tests.  Don't like it?  Join D1 and beat them.


After the top three, it gets much harder - with stats-God Matty Ice in retirement for the session, the #4 ranking is suddenly WIDE open for the rest of the League.  It seemed like it was Topper's spot to lose this week, but then he went ahead and did just that, losing three games in a day between Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, TOX, and as a sub for Dilfs.  0-3 is not the way to climb the rankings, Mr Commissioner.  We guess long offseasons can be rough on a gentleman of your, uh, advanced age.  We'd have punished you in the Rankings more, but again, we try not to overreact to one bad week (see: Rule #1 above).  Still, if the trend keeps up, Topper (#5) will be out of the Top Ten in no time.


So if not Topper, then who gets the #4 spot?  We really agonized over this, as there's no obvious answer here.  You can argue the merits of any of the other contenders, but we felt like Dean Thompson (#4) deserved it the most.  Peachy Platoon actually LOST this week on a walk off TD to Bullet Club, but Dean has been consistently great since moving up to the higher divisions, and outside of the "Big Three" he's the QB we would most want to lead our team right now.  Congrats on failing your way to your highest ranking yet Dean!  


That's three rankings in a row for players who didn't win a single game this week.  Yikes.  Let's get to someone who actually did.  Matt Newman (#6) comes in next, having beaten Jabronies 33-22.  The Sentinel (ALWAYS WATCHING) says this game was "pick central" so we're not sure how much Newman really earned this win, but he must have done enough to get the W.  Slytherin plays Peachy Platoon next week so Matt has an outstanding chance to vault up the Power Rankings if he can take down Dean.  We'll be watching this one closely.


Mike Thomas (#7) of the Sticky Bandits makes his debut in the TSL Power Rankings this week.  As a rule we don't like to put "new" QBs in our Top Ten until we're sure they've earned it, but since Mike took over as starting QB in last Fall's playoffs Sticky Nation has been undefeated, winning three in a row to take the D3 title and then beating the D2 champs (short staffed as they were) in the first game of this season.  Every D2 team played exactly one game in Week One, and none finished with more points than the Sticky Bandits.


It's more a testament to the success Matt Newman and Mike Thomas had this week than anything Vince Taverna (#8) did wrong, as he slips one spot in the Power Rankings despite AWDIQ winning their D4 Crossover game this week.  Beating a team in the division below you that was allegedly missing their starting QB isn't the strongest "statement win" you can make, though that's hardly Vince's fault, as he can only beat whoever shows up to play against him (and he did).  AWDIQ and Frodo Swaggins seem like early favorites for the D3 title and we expect Vince to have plenty of chances to rise in the Rankings again.


Joey Batts (#9) rises one spot in the rankings despite having the week off, as a result of Matty Ice and Mike McKenrick no longer QBing teams this session.  Joey's always a tough one for us to rank - on the one hand we put a lot of emphasis on wins and stats, and Joey didn't have either of those last season.  On the other hand he's also not afraid to play against D1 competition, and he makes us think back to Rule #2 above: who would you rather have QBing for your team tomorrow?  You could argue all things equal that Joey should be ahead of Vince, or Mike, or Matt, or Topper, or Dean.  We expect Gryffindor to win more games this season which will make ranking Joey that much easier.


Finally another newcomer to the Top Ten this week.  Scotty Drosendahl (#10) has long been a favorite of this Committee, mostly because of the emails he sends us hyping up his own greatness and offering his thoughts on other QBs in the League (can we print his nicknames for other QBs?  we probably shouldn't).  He should really have his own article on the TSL website - believe us when we say you would read it every week.  But we're not adding Scott to our Top Ten because he's hilarious or because of his spectacular hair - we're adding him because Frodo Swaggins has the highest Points Per Game of any team in the top three divisions.  Scotty seems to get better all the time, and with his 40-26 win over Untouchaballs this week he's earned his way into the Top Ten QBs of the TSL.  Selfishly we hope he keeps winning, so we can keep writing about him.


So there's your Top Ten.  Others in consideration this week included:

Pete Nguyen (Why So Serious) - despite throwing a pick on his very first pass, had a respectable showing against Public Enemy in his QBing debut.  One game is not enough sample size for us though.

Ward Blewitt (Morning Wood) - repeatedly hit Matt Orleski with deep balls to beat Hofbrauhaus Buffalo.  Great game, but again, we'll need to see him do it more than once.

Ricky Austin (Bullet Club) - missed the beginning of his game watching his daughter (friendly reminder: no spectators at the field this year!) but played great and threw a walk off TD to beat Peachy Platoon.


Can't wait to see what everyone does in Week Two!


As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  no D5-D6 games mentioned this week?  you REALLY want to know Scotty's nickname for Bobby McConnell?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Remember, with the COVID regulations we have in place at the fields this year, it's a lot harder for spectators to watch games... which means it's a lot harder for the people on the QB Committee to watch your games.  If we're not writing about the action in your games, odds are we didn't see it.  Please email us to tell us what you're seeing out there - make our lives that much easier.


What’s YOUR ranking?

Final Fall 2019 Rankings

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
Created: Thursday, 17 October 2019 14:34
Published: Thursday, 17 October 2019 14:34
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 2139


TSL Quarterback Power Rankings – Final Fall 2019 Rankings


Ladies and gentlemen, your final Fall 2019 TSL Quarterback Power Rankings:



We won’t get into each QB’s performance this week.  We’re just going to make a few observations instead.




Last season it was obvious that our final #1 Ranking would belong to Chris Cole, and this season (although he didn’t go undefeated like Cole) the #1 Ranking pretty clearly belongs to Bobby McConnell.  Eyes Downtown are in 1st place in D1, with the highest points per game.  Score the most points and win the most games in the highest division, and it’s easy to figure out where you belong in the Power Rankings.  Although he was CLEARLY the best, he wasn’t the best by a LOT, as Public Enemy, Tight Ends in Motion and Marketing Mayors all finished with winning records AND were within a few points of Eyes Downtown in PPG.  ED might be the betting favorite in the playoffs, but anyone is capable of winning this division.  No, not Gryffindor, but anyone ELSE.  (Although wouldn’t it be incredible if Gryffindor picked up their first, second and third D1 wins of the season in the playoffs to shock the world???  Can’t wait to see what kind of odds the Godfather gives them).


Congrats to Matty Ice for winning this week’s D2 showdown against Topper, stealing back his #4 Ranking in the process.  These were the two BEST teams in D2… and yet strangely Peachy Platoon passed them both to finish 8-2 and seize the first round bye for the Playoffs.  What???  A&A and Hofbrauhaus BOTH beat Peachy Platoon this season (and every other team in D2), but due to some “unique” scheduling, A&A and Hofbrauhaus had to play each other twice, AND they both had to play cross-divisional games against D1 teams (Peachy didn’t), AND Peachy was the only team in the League to get a 10th game.  This perfect storm of, for lack of a better term, “scheduling bullshit” allowed Peachy Platoon to STEAL the #1 seed and first round bye from two DEBATABLY better teams.  Maybe this is karma for the controversial A&A/Peachy game earlier this session?  We’re not sure.  Interesting though that the two teams negatively impacted by this scheduling have Topper and Rameer on their rosters… you’d think they’d be the absolute LAST guys in this League to get fucked by a scheduling quirk, but here we are.


Is there a hotter QB in the TSL right now than Tim Zielinski going into the playoffs?  Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers started the season 0-4, but they’re 5-0 since and averaging 50 points a game during that stretch (with two wins over Cunning Stunts!).  Can Travis interview Tim next week?  The world needs to know how Uncle Rico’s turned their season around.


The final Top Ten consisted of all five D1 quarterbacks, four D2 quarterbacks and one D3 quarterback.  Feels about right.  The final Top Twenty consisted of all five D1 quarterbacks, five (out of seven) D2 quarterbacks, seven (out of ten) D3 quarterbacks, two (out of four, excluding Matty and Joey) D4 quarterbacks, and one D5 quarterback. 


It gets a little cumbersome to show all twenty of these people in a graph, so here’s your Top Ten, their average points per game, and colored by what division they play in:



We put this out there knowing FULL well that it raises questions (why isn’t Mike McKenrick higher in the Rankings?  Why isn’t Newman lower?) but that’s the fun of Power Rankings – people can look at the same standings and stats, and watch the same games, and come to very different conclusions about who’s “the best”.  Take our word for it, it’s a never a simple question. 




If you think the colors on THAT were annoying, get ready for our end of year Stat rankings!  Just like last season, we’ve tried to break down each division to show which teams had the best offenses (points per game), defenses (points per game allowed) and overall point differential (average +/- per game).  To make it easier to find your team in various columns, we decided to color code everyone based on their “official” team color scheme (if you share the same color as someone else, we might have picked a different color for you… we can only show so many blacks and grays).  This is a visual abomination, we know, but fuck it, we spent a lot of time on coloring this so we’re not changing it back now.  Here you go!


Division 1



The Headline: Four contenders, one Gryffindor.


Underrated:  People discuss D1 like it’s a foregone conclusion that one of the “Big Three” will win it, but let’s look at Tight Ends in Motion.  They quietly won their last two games to slip into an unexpected first round bye; they’re less than a point behind Eyes Downtown for the best offense in the division; they’re the best defense in the division by a full touchdown per game; and they have the best point differential in the division by a full touchdown per game.  All four of the “contenders” score about the same number of points per week (between 29 and 33) but apparently only TEIM knows how to play defense.  History and reputation say they can’t beat the teams above them in the standings, but the stats say they should almost be considered the favorites here.


Overrated:  It’s no surprise that Gryffindor is dead last in the standings, the offensive rankings (a full TD below the next worst team), the defensive rankings (a full TD below the next worst team) and point differential (two full TDs below the next worst team).  What is a little surprising is that our defending champions are that “next worst team” in every category.  Marketing Mayors won it ALL just a few months ago, but now they’re fourth out of five teams in every category, with a negative point differential.  Okay, they were outscored by only 2 total points this year, but that’s still surprising from the only team that can rightfully call themselves the defending LEAGUE Champs right now.


Division 2



The Headline:  Three contenders, four underdogs looking for an upset, one disqualified/replaced/playoff-ineligible team


Underrated:  If we had to pick a true underdog here, we might suggest Dilf’s; they have an average defense, average offense, almost neutral point differential, so not IMPOSSIBLE that they get hot at the right time, especially with Travis and Katie on their roster.  But realistically one of the top three teams in this division is going to win it, so we’re going to pick Peachy Platoon as our most underrated team.  Not underrated in the traditional sense of course (we all know they’re good, and they’re the freaking #1 seed) but their chances of winning the division might be underrated, because their #1 seeding means they should only need to beat ONE of the other great teams in this division, while Hofbrauhaus and A&A will have to beat two. 


Damn, we picked #1 Peachy Platoon as our D2 underrated team AND listed their QB as #1 on our Non-QB Impact Players list last week… we give these guys way too much love in this article.


Overrated:  Can we really pick a 7-2 team with the #4 Ranked QB in the League as an underdog?  Sure, why not.  A&A has beaten EVERY team in the division this session so we wouldn’t be shocked at all to see them win the D2 crown this session.  But if we look at the numbers (and frankly that’s all this article does) we’ll see they’re a step behind Hofbrauhaus and Peachy on the offensive side, middle of the pack in defensive PPG, and a full two TD’s behind their biggest rivals in average point differential per game.  That’s a pretty steep drop off that suggests we’ll be seeing Peachy vs Hofbrauhaus in the finals, not A&A.  They’re going to need a LOT of BDE from Matty to pull this one off.


Division 3



The Headline:  Most wide open division in the TSL this season


Underrated:  There are two teams that stand out in our average point differentials as being the frontrunners of this division: NPI has two losses by a combined 7 points, and AWDIQ has two losses by a combined 4 points… and then a third loss by 13 points to NPI.  So NPI is a clear favorite, and AWDIQ looks to us like the clear #2 (despite being #3 in the standings).  But neither of these teams are really “underrated” because we all know they’re the favorites.  We’ll take End Game as our most underrated team in this division on the strength of their three game winning streak to wrap up the season, including quality wins over #2 seed Frodo Swaggins and #4 seed Jabronies. 


Also, Jabronies went 5-3-1 this season but they were 5-2-0 against teams that made the playoffs.  Not sure if “we couldn’t beat teams that didn’t make the playoffs” is a good reason to call a team “underrated”, but hey maybe it gives them an edge if they match up well against the teams that are still remaining.


Overrated:  Frodo Swaggins might be the most “overrated” team, and it’s not because they’re not good enough to win it all – as the #2 seed, they’ve clearly won plenty of games this session.  But Frodo seems to lack consistency from week to week, and their +2.56 average point differential suggests that they were probably a little lucky to go 6-3 this season, as they should have finished closer to .500.


Division 4



The Headline:  It’s Matty’s Angels, and then it’s everyone else


Underrated:  Two teams stand out here.  Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers are riding a 5 game winning streak and just blasting teams with their unstoppable offense.  Yeah, their defense is garbage, but it doesn’t matter if they keep outscoring everyone.  This team looked like a joke a month into the season, but now the joke’s on everyone that has to play them.


The other “underrated” team is Matty’s Angels.  Yes, you already know they’re going to win the division, so how can they be underrated?  We STILL feel they’re not getting enough credit for what they’ve accomplished this season.  Look at the point differentials above.  Four of the six teams in this division are negative, and Cunning Stunts are winning by an average of 3.5 PPG.  Matty’s Angels are winning by 28.11 PPG, more than 24 points better than the next best team.  Their two losses are by a combined four points.  This is, in a word, insane.


Overrated:  Remember last session when D5 was essentially a two team race between the gender teams?  That’s not what’s happening this season.  Yes, Cunning Stunts are good, but they’re overrated if people believe they’re in some kind of equal rivalry with the Angels because of how last season ended.  Cunning Stunts CAN beat the Angels this season (they did, just this past week) but the numbers say we shouldn’t bet on it in the playoffs.


Division 5



The Headline:  Over Compensators and En Fuego seem destined for the finals; everyone else, thanks for coming


Underrated:  Over Compensators is the #1 offense, #1 point differential, AND the #1 defense if you don’t count the pair of 21-0 forfeit wins En Fuego got from Cobblestone this session… but they’re not underrated.  We’ll pick Hope N Ruin here.  Like Uncle Rico’s, they started the season 0-4, but they’ve gone 4-1 since then, with their four wins each coming by an average of about 14 points.  If anyone has the momentum to pull off an upset, it’s HNR.


Overrated:  No one’s REALLY underrated or overrated here, as this is the ONLY division in TSL this session where the point differentials rankings EXACTLY match the standings (look at the chart above) which suggests that teams finished exactly where they should have in the standings.  But if we were forced to choose one “overrated” team we’d say maybe Hung Buffalo.  Their #3 seed implies they have a chance to win this division, and we don’t see it happening.  They’re 5-4 but they lost to Over Compensators by 17 points and En Fuego by 20.  These are the teams you have to beat if you want a shot at the D5 title this season, and Hung Buffalo hasn’t shown that they can hang with either of these teams despite their winning record.


Division 6



The Headline: We have no idea who’s going to win this division


Underrated:  TMA finished as the #2 seed, but they’re the best defense in the League (not the division, but the whole damn League) and the best point differential in D6.  Sure, there was a forfeit win over Wild Oak Beard Co at the end of the season, but they held Shattered Dreams, Tater Tots and BiPolar Express to single digit points in those games, so they seem to know what they’re doing defensively.  On the offensive side they WOULD have finished #1 in their division too, but that forfeit win ironically hurt them here, as it “held” them to only a 21-0 win (they’d be 33.5 ppg if we threw out the forfeit entirely). 


Overrated:  If we look at defensive points per game, D6 really breaks into three categories, and we think it’ll be easier to spot in the form of a graph:



The good, the bad, and the Blitzkrieg.  There’s not a WHOLE lot of differentiation on the offensive side, as each team is basically a point ahead or behind someone else.  But defense breaks the division very clearly into “contenders” and “everyone else”.  BiPolar express was third in the division in offensive PPG, but they’re the first of the “bad” defenses, which is going to make it real tough to win three games in a row in the playoffs.  BiPolar Express is our pick for “most overrated D6 team” going into the playoffs.



These are your FINAL League Leaders for the 2019 Fall Season (excluding We Back, who were truly a special category of awfulness):


·         Best Offensive Team – Matty’s Angels, 48.4 PPG

·         Best Offensive Team Non-Gender – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, 42.6 PPG

·         Worst Offensive Team – Pink Pteratacos, 11.1 PPG


·         Best Defensive Team – TMA, 16.2 PPG

·         Worst Defensive Team – Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, 45.6 PPG


·         Best Point Differential – Matty’s Angels, +28.1 PPG

·         Best Points Differential Non-Gender – Over Compensators, +21.4 PPG

·         Worst Point Differential – Pink Pteratacos, -17.2 PPG


·         Longest Current Win Streak – Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, 5

·         Longest Current Losing Streak – Blitzkrieg, 7


·         Remaining Undefeated Teams: None

·         Remaining Winless Teams: None


Both of our previous “longest winning streak” teams LOST to heated rivals this week, with Eyes Downtown falling to Public Enemy and Over Compensators (the last remaining undefeated team!) falling to En Fuego.  Pink Pteratacos (the last remaining winless team!) broke their share of the longest losing streak in the League with a one point win over Cobblestone, ensuring that every single team in the TSL this season has at least one win and one loss (even Schilling Em Softly picked up a win this week).  The only unfortunate streak from last week to continue on into the playoffs is Blitzkrieg… who have now lost 7 in a row.






That’s it for this season!  If you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (“less is more” when it comes to coloring charts?  you demand updated Rankings throughout the playoffs?  you still wish we ranked each division separately?), please send complaints to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.


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Pre-Season Review

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
Created: Friday, 14 August 2020 16:31
Published: Friday, 14 August 2020 16:31
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 249

TSL Quarterback Rankings – Pre-Season Review


Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  If you read the article last year (and there must have been at least a few of you) then you’re familiar with the concept – every week we share our rankings for the Top Ten QBs in the League, and discuss who’s trending up and who's trending down.  We on the QB Power Rankings Committee are not what you'd call "great writers" (or even "very good" writers... check out the Godfather and the Sentinel if you want better writing) so we lean heavily on graphs and stats instead.  For our pre-season article each session, we like to make a few predictions and re-print an explanation of how these Power Rankings work, which we've copied and pasted almost verbatim from the last two sessions' pre-season reviews  (See?  Lazy writing...)  


So a little Q&A to refresh your memories:


“Are you going to show rankings for all 44 starting QB’s every week?”

No, just the Top Ten will be shown EVERY week, but the write-up will have commentary on other rising and falling QBs throughout the League as well.  We often expand to a Top 15 or Top 20 as the season goes on, whenever we're feeling ambitious.  Stay tuned.


“Is this going to be heavily biased towards the higher divisions?”

The top ten probably will be, sure, and we have no issue with that.  The purpose of a Power Ranking is to highlight the best in the League, and for the most part the best are competing AGAINST the best.  But we will absolutely be acknowledging the performance (good and bad) of Quarterbacks in the lower divisions as well.  Last year we said "we doubt a pure D5 quarterback will ever crack the Top Ten, but we will try our best to cover all divisions in the write-up, every week", and then Larry Chruscial of D5 shocked the world taking the #10 spot for a couple of weeks.  So anything is possible, but generally speaking if you don't like your ranking, our advice is to try moving up a division next session.  The better your competition, the more credibility you earn for beating it.


“So you’re only ranking QB’s… what about the rest of us?”

Oh, we didn’t forget about the rest of you.  In addition to the QB Rankings, we will do our best to put out other rankings that the rest of you can enjoy – best team offenses, best team defenses, best referees, best at bar …  ranking anything is always fun.  Unless we rank you last, of course.


“You keep saying ‘we’.  Who is writing this?  Who determines these rankings?”

Don’t worry about who’s writing this.  Let’s be honest: If you knew, you would incessantly whine to that person or persons about why you or your QB should be ranked higher every week.  Anonymity is key for journalism THIS important.  


Last year's pre-season article predicted a big rise in the rankings from Dean Thompson (we were right! he finished the year 6th in the League) and a big drop in the rankings from old man Topper (we were wrong! he actually fought his way back into the top ten and finished the year ranked 5th).  Our big predictions for this year:  Matty Ice PLUMMETS in the rankings (okay, that was an easy one); Joey Batts cracks the Top Five once again (it's good to see some people aren't afraid of D1...); Blase LaDuca cracks the Top Ten (fortune favors the bold, and the Power Rankings favor ambitious QBs that move up two divisions); Darryl Carr remains undefeated at #1 on the Quarterback Hair Rankings; Lucas Kramer from Vaspian, with a year of experience under his belt, has a break-out season to flirt with Top Ten status.  But what do we know?  


So there you go.  We don’t have any new “pre-season rankings” for you, because there are new teams and new faces and we don't know all the contenders yet. But here are the final “Top 20” rankings from the end of Fall 2019’s regular season (which might have looked different if we had re-ranked them after playoffs…): 



For all you TSL history buffs out there that want to know QB Power Rankings data stretching back before the chart shown above, here is the entire history of the Top Ten going back the past two seasons that we've been Power Ranking:



Chris Cole, Matty Ice and Joey Batts are the only three QBs to be ranked in the Top Ten every week since the Power Rankings began.  Mark Dalfonso missed out in the first ever week of Power Rankings (a shameful omission on our part, but we can't correct it now), Bobby McConnell missed the beginning of the Spring 2019 season and wasn't ranked for four weeks (though his backup consistently made the Top Five in his place... maybe anyone could succeed surrounded by that much talent?) and Matt Newman missed one week as well (don't blame us, he should have played better).


Excluding the week he should have been ranked but wasn't, Mark Dalfonso has never left the Top Five (average rank: 3.13).  Matty Ice has never left the Top Five period (average rank: 3.06).  Excluding the injury weeks he wasn't ranked, Bobby has never left the Top FOUR (average rank: 2.58), and is your current #1 QB in the League.  Chris Cole has never left the Top THREE (average rank: 1.56) and has a TSL record 10 consecutive weeks at #1.  This is your Top Tier of TSL Quarterbacks ladies and gentlemen, the gold standard you have to beat if you want to be considered the best of the best.  Good luck with that!


One final note on Power Rankings: Rameer always insisted in "the Rant" that he wasn't on the Power Ranking committee.  That was true, he wasn't.  But we loved fiercely debating these Rankings with Rameer at the bar every week.  He often disagreed with our QB assessments and was never one to be shy about his opinions.  He will 100% be missed, as he was such a big part of the fabric that made the TSL great.  If you want to know a little about Rameer's thoughts and rankings though, we recommend you go back to Week 7's QB Power Rankings from last Fall (you can still find it on the website if you do a little digging) and scroll down to the "Top 21 Impact Players of the TSL".  Rameer didn't fully write that list, but he fought hard for the inclusion of most of those people (he also fought for several others that we did NOT include, so if your name isn't there, it's probably not Rameer's fault!).  We will miss you Rameer.


As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  not enough attention devoted to the Quarterback Hair Rankings?  our gross abuse of parentheses as a literary crutch for writing thoughts within thoughts?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   


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TSL Quarterback Power Rankings – Week 7

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
Created: Wednesday, 09 October 2019 19:53
Published: Wednesday, 09 October 2019 19:53
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 2181




Quick note before we get started – every week we start our article by ranking Quarterbacks, and this week is no different.  But we’ve ALSO done a non-Quarterback ranking at the end of the article this week, which some of you may find interesting/infuriating.  Enjoy!


The Power Rankings spotlight always shines brightest on D1, where the super heavyweights slug it out for ultimate co-ed touch football supremacy.  We start this article every week by highlighting who’s at the TOP of the Rankings, and through two seasons, that has always been a D1 quarterback (and that’s no different this week of course).  Fair enough.  But with Bobby McConnell #1 and Mark Dalfonso #2 both on byes (yes, I’m ignoring Bobby’s stellar sub work for Matty’s Angels… he’s already #1 in the rankings, we don’t have to talk him up every week), the biggest positional battle in our Top Ten this week is between Matthew Ditullio and Patrick McGovern, aka Matty Ice vs Topper. 


Their two “undefeated” D2 teams clashed this week (let’s ignore their inter-division losses to D1 teams for just a moment, we’ll get back to those later), which WOULD have been a showdown worthy of legend, if Matty hadn’t been out of town.  Hofbrauhaus Buffalo took the 64-34 win over A&A in a battle that proves… well, we’re not sure.  A&A apparently can’t win a game without their fearless leader, which either speaks to Matty’s irreplaceable value to his team, or their lack of planning to carry a serviceable backup QB on their roster (or both).  Either way, tricky to say how much meaning we should give to Hofbrauhaus’s win this week.  On the one hand, we try not to subscribe to the whole “punishing you in the Power Rankings for ditching your team” philosophy, so we don’t want to hold Matty’s absence against him.  On the other hand, it seems unfair not to give Topper SOME credit for the win, because it’s still 64 points he scored against A&A’s defense.


Ignoring their game against each other for a minute, A&A and Hofbrauhaus Buffalo have each played games against Peachy Platoon, Slytherin That End Zone, Bullet Club, Energy Buff, and We Back this season (back when We Back was STILL We Back).  Hofbrauhaus Buffalo had a slightly tougher cross-divisional schedule this season losing to Public Enemy this week (A&A lost to a slightly weaker Tight Ends in Motion team at the same time), but we’re going to ignore that for the time being, as well as A&A’s win earlier this season against Dilf’s, since Hofbrauhaus Buffalo hasn’t played them yet.  Against five common opponents, both teams went 5-0, with Hofbrauhaus outscoring their opponents 215-61 and A&A outscoring those same opponents 192-127.  Clearly Hofbrauhaus has been the better team with a massive edge in point differential in these games (+154 vs +65) but the offensive numbers really aren’t THAT different, with Hofbrauhaus leading by only 23 points against common opponents.  Still, when we look at it this way, it’s tough to come to any conclusion other than “Topper has been slightly better than Matty so far this season”. 


Any argument for keeping Matty ABOVE Topper in the standings essentially boils down to “we should give him extra credit for his dominating performances with Matty’s Angels”.  Is that fair?  Depends how you look at it.  Matty’s Angels is THE highest scoring team in the League by almost a full touchdown, and Matty is the straw that stirs the drink.  How do you ignore that??  We typically don’t, and credit Matty accordingly for his dominance on both teams.  But if we’re not going to punish Matty for not playing against Hofbrauhaus this week, then why would we punish Topper for not playing against D4 teams this season?  Both QBs have the same flawless record against the same opponents, but Topper’s done it a little bit better. 


This is all an incredibly long way of saying that Topper #4 moves up one spot this week to his highest Power Rankings position ever.  Matty drops to #5, which the self-proclaimed Fall 2019 TSL MVP won’t like – but the good news for Matty is that he doesn’t have to get used to it.  Up next is the classic we WANTED last week, as Hofbrauhaus Buffalo and A&A play each other again in the D2 #1 vs #2 Ladder Match game… and this time (hopefully) it’ll really be Matty vs Topper, with D2 supremacy on the line.


That’s more than enough Topper and Matty coverage.  Here are your Week Seven TSL Quarterback Power Rankings:



One question we get ALL the time is “how do you compare QBs in different divisions?”  If you’ve read this article at all, you know it’s an issue we struggle with every week, and we’re not always completely consistent with the way we address it.  Generally you’re going to be ranked higher if you’re playing against better competition, which is why the QB of 1-7 Gryffindor is always going to be higher than the QB of 7-2 Zack Attack (does anyone think Joey wouldn’t be undefeated in D6?).  This isn’t always true, as the QB of We Back likely would have struggled against All We Do Is Quinn (everyone struggles against AWDIQ) but as a guideline it makes sense to weight the division you play in.  People will “politely” say to us “but I’m X-X and throwing for XXX points per week, how am I not rated higher???”.  If your standing in the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings means a lot to you, our suggestion is to move up a division next year.  You WILL win fewer games, and feel like less of a badass when you’re not rolling to 30 point wins every week, but there’s no better way to show people what you’re made of than to take on and beat the established QBs on this chart.  Look at Joe Miano, who couldn’t move higher than the 17th ranking last season in D6.  He and his (admittedly improved) Jabronies squad moved up to D3 this season, and although they’re not setting the world on fire (tied for the third in the division, 5-3-1 record, -5 point differential on the season) it absolutely got Joe noticed, and he’s now a regular contender for the Top Ten.


If you still think level of competition shouldn’t matter for the Ranking, and that maybe your QB is “just as good” as people in higher divisions, remember this: D1 had five crossover games against D2 teams this session and they won them all, by a combined score of 212-92.  Gryffindor is 0-7 to date against D1, and 1-0 against D2.  As we said earlier, Hofbrauhaus Buffalo and A&A were undefeated against their own division, and both got smoked by D1 teams this week (Chris Cole #3 of Public Enemy, and Mike McKenrick #10 of Tight Ends in Motion respectively).  We’re not saying it’s EASY to move up a division, but at least you can understand why some of these guys are consistently ranked towards the top.




Peachy Platoon beats Schilling Em Softly 39-20 this week, but Dean’s thumb is injured so he didn’t quarterback.  Dean #6 keeps his spot this week.  Slytherin That End Zone also had the week off, so Matt Newman #8 is not moving either.


Vince Taverna #7 is lucky to keep his ranking too this week, after dropped a 38-36 game against Frodo Swaggins.  Just when we were all ready to count Scotty Drosendahl #12 out, Frodo comes up with the huge win.  This is a team that scored 70+ points late last season against 3rd & Schlong.  Maybe Scotty saves his best work for the end of the season?  AWDIQ finish at 6-3 and currently hold the #2 seed in Division 3, but if Frodo can finish out next week with one more win against the Sticky Bandits, they’ll jump both Jabronies and Quinn in the standings to steal the #2 seed for themselves.  That’d be pretty good, for a quarterback that was recently described on our own website as “all the makings to be great with his witticism, skill set and can-do attitude but seems to always fall short when the games on the line”.


Joey Batts #9 went 1-1 this week for Cunning Stunts, beating Buffalo Solar Solutions 43-42 (who were without Andy Clark #17) and losing a shocker to Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers 62-44.  Uncle Rico’s started the season on our “worst point differentials, worst defense” etc lists, but they’ve clawed their way back to respectability lately by winning their last three games by a combined 152-97.  Sure, their defense is still abysmal (DEAD last in the League at 45 ppg against) but Tim Zielinski #20 has the offense rolling (11th best in the League at 34 ppg) and has earned his way into our TSL QB Power Rankings Top Twenty.  Uncle Rico’s plays Buffalo Solar Solutions this week, which could cause Tim and Andy to flip spots if Rico’s can keep the magic going.


No Punt Intended finish the season 7-2 with a 42-35 win over Ultimate Warriors, and they’ve locked up the #1 seed in D3.  We wish we could reward Kyle Conniff #11 in the Power Rankings, but with Mike McKenrick guiding TEIM past A&A this week, there’s really no path for promotion here.  Kind of ironic, since Kyle plays on TEIM as well – maybe he can drop a few passes next week to make Tight Ends lose to Marketing Mayors?  That WOULD open up a spot for him in the Top Ten…  


Joe Miano #13 drops a spot as the Jabronies beat Vaspian 34-18 (who themselves had just beaten Ultimate Warriors 28-22) and then immediately drop one to End Game by a score of 25-7. Lots to unpack here in this D3 Power Rankings knot.  The Jabronies have had incredible shootouts this year, but they’ve also lost two games with scores in the single digits.  Which team is going to show up for playoffs?  Doesn’t seem fair that Joe gets punished one spot in the Rankings this week for going 1-1, but we’ve rewarded the Vaspian quarterback they just BEAT (he moves up one spot this week) for going 1-1 as well.  Lucas Kramer #19 is really benefiting from Scott Pinto #21 dropping out of the Top Twenty (great offense, but you have to win some games!) and Joe is unfortunately being punished because Scotty beat AWDIQ… that’s just the way it goes sometimes, as you’re competing with the people right around you in the Power Rankings.  David Eickhoff #16 moves up two spots this week with his win over Jabronies.  End Game struggled at times this season, but they’ve beaten two good teams in the last two weeks (Frodo being last week’s victim) and they’re poised to make a playoff run if they can keep it going.  We really wish D3 teams didn’t play so many doubleheaders, as these paragraphs aren’t fun to write.


Scott Keller Sr #14 drops one ranking this week due to his bye week combined with the Frodo win.  Ricky Austin #18 rises one ranking this week due to his bye week combined with the Ultimate Warriors loss.  Larry Chruscial #15 had a bye week and kept his ranking from last week.  And there’s your Top Twenty.



Here are a few quick hits on your TSL team leaders after six weeks (excluding We Back):


·         Best Offensive Team (total points) – Matty’s Angels, 419

·         Best Offensive Team Non-Gender (total points) – All We Do Is Quinn, 370

·         Best Offensive Team (points per game) – Matty’s Angels, 52.4

·         Best Offensive Team Non-Gender (points per game) – Over Compensators, 46.4


·         Worst Offensive Team (total points) – Pink Pteratacos, 85

·         Worst Offensive Team (points per game) – Pink Pteratacos, 14.2


·         Best Defensive Team (total points against) – En Fuego, 127

·         Best Defensive Team (points against per game) – En Fuego, 15.9


·         Worst Defensive Team (total points against) – Ultimate Warriors, 347

·         Worst Defensive Team (points against per game) – Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, 45


·         Best Point Differential (total points) – Matty’s Angels, +254

·         Best Points Differential Non-Gender (total points) – Over Compensators, +180

·         Best Point Differential (points per game) – Matty’s Angels, +31.8

·         Best Point Differential Non-Gender (points per game) – Over Compensators, +25.7


·         Worst Point Differential (total points) – Blitzkrieg, -130

·         Worst Point Differential (points per game) – Pink Pteratacos, -19.0


·         Longest Current Win Streak – TIE: Eyes Downtown, Over Compensators, 7

·         Longest Current Losing Streak – TIE: Pink Pteratacos, Blitzkrieg, 6


·         Remaining Undefeated Teams: Over Compensators

·         Remaining Winless Teams: Pink Pteratacos


Neither of our “longest win streak” teams played this week, so no change there.  Blitzkrieg “caught up” to Pink Pteratacos (who were also on a bye) for a share of the League’s longest losing streak.


There’s a bit of bullshit in the table above for En Fuego seizing the “best defense in the League” title this week, as they benefited from not one but two forfeits over Cobblestone, which are recorded as 21-0 wins in the standings.  Without those forfeit wins, their PPG would rise from 15.9 to 21.2, which would make them only the 9th best defense in the League (pAssless Chaps would take over the title of best defense at 17.9 ppg if we made that adjustment).  Still a great job by En Fuego, and certainly not their fault that Cobblestone couldn’t make the games, but take that stat with a grain of salt.


Two of our three undefeated teams lost this week, so Over Compensators is the last team standing with a shot at a perfect season.  We Back was pulled from the stats above, and Shattered Dreams finally won their first game of the season, so our last winless team this season is Pink Pteratacos. (Schilling Em Softly hasn’t won either, but they’re an 0-2 replacement team… they barely count.)




And now for something a little different.  Every week we analyze the best Quarterbacks in the TSL (that IS the premise of our article) but we largely neglect the rest of you who aren’t gifted enough to sling a football down the field.  For the first time ever, we’re going to try to recognize some of those people now.


The list below represents the Top 21 Impact Players of the TSL.  What does that mean?  These aren’t necessarily the 21 BEST players in the League (which might just be the rosters of Public Enemy, Marketing Mayors and Eyes Downtown) but these are players who make a huge difference to their teams when they’re present.  Think of it as “your team has a 50% greater chance of winning the game if THIS person shows up” (ie Lebron’s entire career in Cleveland).  This isn’t EXACTLY the same as an MVP debate, because we’ve specifically excluded Quarterbacks, but it’s similar in principle.  There’s certainly no offense intended if you weren’t recognized on this list, as there are a LOT of great and valuable players that we’re sure we’re neglecting, but these were the 21 names that stood out to us.


Like our Quarterback Rankings, feel free to rip us apart and tell us what a terrible job we’ve done:



Ironic that our #1 player on our Non-Quarterback List is a quarterback, right?  Dean’s contributions go way beyond QB though, as he’s the leader and best athlete/defender on Peachy Platoon in addition to being the Quarterback, so we didn’t want to slight him by leaving him off.  Similar story for Kyle Conniff, who QBs for NPI but is also just a leader on and off the field for that team. 


We’re not going to get into a full write-up for each of these players and why they’re great… we’re just going to leave this out here so you can get angry that you weren’t on the list.




That’s it for this week!  If you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (you hate that we didn’t use Gronk’s actual name?  there’s no way a TSL Impact Players List should exist without your buddy Steve?  your last name is Ditullio and you hate seeing Topper surge past you in the QB Rankings?), please send complaints to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.


What’s YOUR ranking?

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