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Week 2 Rankings Spring 2022

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
Created: Thursday, 28 April 2022 11:14
Published: Thursday, 28 April 2022 11:14
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 140

 

Hello and welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  

 

We always hate that these early season articles can't feature those "best offense / best defense" graphics you KNOW we love so much, because we're not deep enough into the session for those numbers to have any meaning yet.  But we DO have another long overdue treat for you this week instead!  Remember a million years ago when we were supposed to have our Fall banquet but COVID regulations forced us to cancel?  Well, we never got to hand out our awards from that session, which was a real bummer.  Instead, in the most anti-climactic way possible, we're just going to announce them here at the end of this week's QB Power Rankings article.  Congrats to all the winners below!

 

You're probably already scrolling to the bottom to see if you won anything so we forgive you if you're not reading this anymore, but we ARE a Quarterbacks Power Ranking article, and we're going to start with that first.  Here are your Top Fifteen QBs in the League after two weeks:

 

 

#1 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week:  Beat Eyes Downtown 54-46

Hell has frozen over if the QB for our annual "Best at Bar" team is now #1 in the QB Rankings.  How could this happen?  Well, there were only two obvious candidates between Mike and Joey Batts, the ONLY starting QBs in D1 to have won a game so far this season (backup Andy Smigiera does not count).  Joey is undefeated, and Mike is not.  However the Sticky Bandits and Legends have played the exact same opponents, and Mike has scored over 40% more points than Joey (96 to 68).  The Sticky Bandits have allegedly scored a touchdown on every possession this year with a lineup that is, no disrespect intended, not as scary as Legends'.  Mike Thomas earns the #1 spot... at least until he plays Joey Batts this week.

 

#2 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week:  Beat Tight Ends in Motion 31-20 (Legends), beat Can't Touch This 52-14 (Stunts)

Imagine moving up to D1 and beating two former D1 champion teams to become the only undefeated QB in the division after two weeks... AND starting the season undefeated with your gender team in D4... and STILL not earning the #1 spot in the Power Rankings??  Are we punishing Joey for not running up the score more in games Legends had easily won?  It kind of feels like it.  Eventually all the winning will be impossible to ignore, and your former TSL Villain of the Year will be on top of the world (at least, the world of Co-Ed Touch Football Quarterback Power Rankings).  If Joey beats the Sticky Bandits this week, there's no way to keep him out of the top spot.  God help us all.

 

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week:  Lost to Sticky Bandits 54-46

Easily the most accomplished QB active in the TSL today started his season a somewhat shocking 0-2.  Scoring 46 points in a losing effort last week suggests the problem wasn't on the offensive side, but it's going to be harder and harder to win this incredibly competitive division if Bobby doesn't get a little more help from his defense.  And winning the division is, we're certain, all he cares about at this point as he tries to cement his legacy as an all-time great.  Unfortunately there are no easy opponents in D1 (Eyes Downtown debatably just lost to the easiest) so Bobby's next chance to get a win comes across an incredibly talented Tight Ends in Motion squad.  When was the last time Eyes Downtown lost three in a row?

 

#4 Alex Buchlis - The Notorious BNB

Last Week:  Beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 38-31

The Notorious BNB are the highest scoring team in D2 at 41.5 PPG, one of two undefeated teams remaining in that division, and they seem to have shaken off whatever was holding them back last session.  Adding a few new receivers probably helped, although the core of the team looks about the same.  Alex is "notorious" (have we made that joke before?) for his smart style of football and dissecting other teams' defenses, but he'll still bust out an athletic play or two a game just to show you that he's not JUST brains.

 

#5 Seth Molisani - Tight Ends in Motion / Buffalo Vice

Last Week:  Lost to Legends 31-20 (TEIM), lost to 4th & Something 37-34 (Buffalo Vice)

Tight Ends in Motion and Buffalo Vice both fall to 0-1 with Seth as their starting QB this year after he missed the first week of the season.  This feels like more like a blip than a trend as Seth was crushing it over the TSL winter session (which he won) just a couple months ago.  Both teams are stacked with talent so we fully expect him to turn it around quickly and maybe even challenge for the #1 spot in these Rankings sooner rather than later.  Either that, or his teams will mutiny and turn to Andy or Frank to salvage their seasons!

 

#6 Jeremy "Hogan" Olson - Passed Our Prime

Last Week:  Beat When Dove Cries 32-25, beat Bullet Club 49-36

Alex Buchlis is SUCH a great quarterback, can't we just use this space to talk more about how great he is?  Oh fine, we should probably mention Hogan in our article this week, since he scored 81 points in a pair of D2 wins.  With a full squad behind him, there might not be a more dangerous QB in the League.  Unfortunately he's a lot better at throwing a football than he is finding reliable teammates, so "full strength" weeks like this are rare.  Enjoy your great teammates while you can Hogan, because you're damn near invincible when your people actually show up!

 

#7 Brandt Dubey - DILFS

Last Week:  Lost to Scared Hitless 31-20

DILFS are a real wild card to us.  They're capable of beating any team in their division, and capable of losing also.  Not that Scared Hitless is just "any team", but we assumed DILFS would take this one given how well they played in Week One.  Shame on us.  Dubey is still Dubey, so we'll never count them out, but do they have the consistency to rattle off a few wins in a row when the playoffs come around?  We'll see.

 

#8 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week:  Beat DILFS 31-20

Somehow Dylan Day wasn't ranked in our Top Ten last week, which really calls into question the credibility of our Committee.  We wouldn't blame you if you stopped reading immediately.  Of COURSE he's always a Top Ten QB, which he proved this week with a big win over the veterans of DILFS.  Scared Hitless is one of two undefeated teams remaining in D2, and they have skill, the girls, and most importantly the QB to go the distance.  Who were the only two teams better than Scared Hitless in their division last season?  A&A and TopShot, both of whom are gone.  Maybe it's Hitless's time.  

 

#9 Dylan Jaloza - Bullet Club / Freeballers

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No Dylan at the fields this week.  It sounds like Tommy Hughes did pretty damn well for Bullet Club in his absence though.  Dylan is great, but he's started exactly as many games for Bullet Club as Tommy has, so you wonder how much loyalty they'll have to their new QB if Dylan struggles next week against When Dove Cries...

 

#10 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins

Last Week:  Beat Sleezin Szn 44-43

Two last minute wins for Frodo Swaggins to start this season have them sitting pretty at 2-0 and Garrett is currently ranked as the top QB playing exclusively in D3.  For all his talk of becoming an old, out-of-shape sack of shit (his words, we're guessing) Garrett still plays like a young man out there when the game is on the line.  Can he pull two more W's out of his ass next week against Untouchaballs and Itches & Ohs?  We suspect he'll bring his "A" game against Burr and Moser.

 

#11 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week:  Beat Itches and Ohs 40-32

Untouchaballs are only one game into their season, but how much better can you start than 1-0 and leading your division's scoring at 40 PPG?  Last season Burr led his team to a 6-3 record, tied for second in the division with the Angels, right behind Grey Hair - Don't Care.  What do those other two teams have in common?  Neither are competing in D3 this session.  Maybe we should be talking about Untouchaballs as the early favorite to win this division?

 

#12 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care

Last Week:  Lost to the Notorious BNB 38-31

So it's not the start that Eickhoff was hoping for, but 0-2 isn't the end of the world.  DILFS and Notorious BNB are a rough start to the schedule, so the winless record isn't a total shocker.  Of course D2 doesn't really have any "bad" teams, so we're not sure it'll get much easier as they go.  Grey Hair is currently the lowest scoring team in D2 at 22.5 PPG.  They'll get better.  They have to, if they don't want the season to get away from them.

 

#13 Matt Newman - Sleezin Szn

Last Week:  Lost to Frodo Swaggins 44-43

If you score 43 points, you should win your game.  Teams that have scored 43+ points in a game this season are off to a 9-2 record, with the only losses being Sleezin Szn and Eyes Downtown.  We know it's not Newman's fault, and we don't TRY to hold it against him in the Power Rankings that he's 0-1, but... if he were 1-0, we probably WOULD have him ranked a couple spots higher, right?

 

#14 Scott Drosendahl - 4th & Something

Last Week:  Beat Buffalo Vice 37-34

4th & Something, The Scotty Dro Show, The Keller Family Extravaganza, is off to a fantastic start this season.  Maybe we're misremembering this, but didn't they have a great start last season before falling back to a .500 record eventually?  Scotty's been working out though, saying his prayers, taking his vitamins, and this time maybe 4th & Something will keep it going and take advantage of a higher seeding in the playoffs.  The Kellers are wonderful people, Scotty won't want to let them down.

 

#15 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs

Last Week:  Lost to Untouchaballs 40-32

Itches and Ohs was statistically a mediocre team last session in D4, with the sixth best point differential per game in the regular season.  And then they won the whole damn thing in the playoffs behind an offensive attack that never let up.  We weren't sure how that was going to translate in D3, but so far the results are positive.  They beat Buffalo Vice last week (another up-jumped D4 team, but still a quality win) and nearly stole a W from Untouchaballs this week.  We think they'll be a tough out this year for most teams in D3.  Steve can play, and his sisters are as good as anyone.

 

One of the things we enjoy most about Power Ranking your quarterbacks every week is giving a little publicity to newer players the League doesn't quite know yet.  Sure, it's often the same names towards the top of the list, but the deeper we go in the Rankings, the more likely we are to talk about some guys you've maybe never heard of.  We always start each season by showing a Top Ten (which rarely includes anyone new) but expand throughout the season as we get to know some of the newer QBs who are often playing in lower divisions.  Problem is, it's tough to write about these guys until we figure out who they are!  Who is quarterbacking for Varsity Has Beens?  Or Can't Touch This?  Is the XMD quarterback the same guy who used to QB for DMX?  What about Today's Feast, or Red Zone Mafia, or Passing While Intoxicated?  We can't write about you if we don't know about you.  Oh, we'll figure it out eventually on our own if you play well, the QB Committee has eyes everywhere.  But if you want recognition sooner, shoot us an email at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and tell us about your QB.  Or don't, and read about Joey Batts every week instead (he's pretty great... just ask him, he'll tell you!)

 

***

 

2021 Fall Session Awards Winners

 

We're not sure how relevant this is anymore six months later (and two weeks into our next season!) but here are the Awards winners for last Fall session.  If we had had a banquet, you might have won a cool looking trophy or medal for one of our many awards categories.  Now all you get is your name on our website, and a complimentary drink from Topper at the fields this week (individual award winners only; Topper is not buying drinks for your whole team if you won a group award).  So if you've won something, make sure you find the man in charge at the bar this week!

 

For each category below we'll show the winner at the top, with the other finalists (who were announced a few months back during our winter session) listed underneath.  The other finalists are just in alphabetical order, this isn't a ranking of 2nd place, 3rd place etc.  The awards were voted on by our panel of experts as well as write-ins from team captains around the League (all captains were given the option to weigh in).  Sorry if we spelled your name wrong.

 

Better late than never, as they say.  Here we go!

 

D1 Male MVP

Mike Boccio - Winner

Chris Nelson 

Andy Smigiera

 

D1 Female MVP

Robin Makula - Winner

Emily Belfield

Emily Curry

 

D1 QB of the Year

Chris Cole - Winner

David "Bro" Kleckler

Bobby McConnell

 

D2 Male MVP

Sean Weisansal - Winner

Travis Cleavenger

Johnny Yioulos

 

D2 Female MVP

Melanie Linsmair - Winner

Casey Lawler

Jaimie Warren

 

D2 QB of the Year

Matty Ice - Winner

Dylan Day

Dylan Jaloza

Jeremy "Hogan" Olson

 

D3 Male MVP

Anthony Bargnesi - Winner

Jon Von

Nick Voss

 

D3 Female MVP

Maddie Norton - Winner

Rachel Parker

Emily Schilling

 

D3 QB of the Year

David Eickhoff - Winner

Garrett Beesing

Jeremy Burr

 

D4 Male MVP

Jeremy Streit - Winner

Dan Gonzalez

Craig Mikida

 

D4 Female MVP

Caitlyn Mason - Winner

Renee Lantz

Heather Simano

 

D4 QB of the Year

Steve Moser - Winner

TJ Ferguson

Brian Orzechowski

 

D5 Male MVP

Ryan Rusin - Winner

Ricky Booth

Ethan Ciemny

 

D5 Female MVP

Katie Swanson - Winner

Britney Matthews

Ellory Roberts

 

D5 QB of the Year

Nick Hawes - Winner

Paul Lovullo

Derek Pew

 

D6 Male MVP

Ron Webber - Winner

Nick Smith

Pete Walbrandt

 

D6 Female MVP

Mackenzie Neary - Winner

McKenzie Klun

Val Testa

 

D6 QB of the Year

John Langley - Winner

Ryan Henry

Steve Miller

 

Most Underrated Male

Adrian Cannon - Winner

Glenn Bird

Devin Linder

Joe Robison

Nick Smith

 

Most Underrated Female

Britney Matthews - Winner

Amy Denning

Amber Hay

Meg McInerney

Emma Patterson

 

Most Beloved Male

Dave Walter - Winner

Jay Jaskier

Tony Sanchez

Paul Scinta

Eric Stegmeier

 

Most Beloved Female

Val Cleavenger - Winner

Diana Bernal

Trish Esposito

Dorene Major

Lauren O'Brien

 

Best Defender (Male)

Greg Osika - Winner

Travis Cleavenger

Eric Delecki

Ralph Finney

Sean Weisansal

 

Best Defender (Female)

Jaimie Warren - Winner

Brandy Clarke

Emily Curry

Katie Keller

Christine Krol

 

Most Dedicated Male

Travis Cleavenger - Winner

Garrett Beesing

Tommy Hughes

Jay Jaskier

Joe Kurczewski

 

Most Dedicated Female

Emily Schilling - Winner

Diana Bernal

Jenna Blachura

Heather Cepuchowski

Steph Czaja

 

Best Referee

Jeremy Olson - Winner

Justin Garbacz

Billy Gunn

Jordan Lawson

Jeff May

 

Most Hated Villain

Steve Moser - Winner

Joey Battaglia

Blase LaDuca

Bobby McConnell

Nick Primerano

 

Player Too Good for Their Division

Laura Streeter (D4) - Winner

Seth Molisani (D4)

Rob Rummings (D6)

Katie Swanson (D5)

Sean Weisansal (D2)

 

Leonard Alba Person of the Year

Chris Cole - Winner

 

Storyline of the Year

Cole, Public Enemy retire on top - Winner

B's Brother finally makes his return

Gordon saves the bar from burning down

Jeremy Streit trades alcohol for championships

Kelly Kane - female QB superstar

 

Most Improved Team

Vaspian - Winner

Cobblestone

Grey Hair - Don't Care

Scared Hitless

Woodpeckers

 

Rookie Team of the Year

GUCCI - Winner

Lettuce Win

Slob Kabombs

Super Freaks

Today's Feast

 

Best at Bar

Zack Attack - Winner

A&A

Not So Sticky

TMA

TOX

 

Team of the Year

Public Enemy - Winner

A&A

Grey Hair - Don't Care

Spinelli's Plumbing

Scared Hitless

 

Thanks for the memories, Public Enemy!

 

***

Just a reminder that our Non-QB rankings are coming up starting May 12.  If you have any feedback on the categories below, shoot us an email and let us know.  If you do it before the rankings come out, maybe we'll listen to your advice.  Or you can just complain on Facebook when you don't like how our staff ranked you, your call!

  • May 12: Best Teams All-Time in the League
  • May 19: Best Female Players in the League
  • May 26: Best Male Players (Non-QB) in the League
  • June 2: Division All-Star Teams Announced
  • June 9: Most Likely TSL Hall of Famers

 

***

 

That's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you don't remember Boccio doing anything worthy of an MVP last Fall?  Hogan blew every call in one of your games and you can't BELIEVE he somehow won best referee?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..    Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

Week One Power Rankings

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
Created: Thursday, 21 April 2022 20:08
Published: Thursday, 21 April 2022 20:08
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 183

 

Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  If you've read our article in the past (if for no other reason than to complain about how wrong we are) then you’re familiar with the concept – every week we share our rankings for the Top QBs in the League and discuss who’s trending up and who's trending down.  We on the QB Power Rankings Committee are not what you'd call "great writers" (or even "very good" writers... check out the Godfather if you want better writing) so we typically lean heavily on graphs and stats instead... at least, we do after a few weeks, when there's significant enough data to bother sharing.  In our season opening articles we also make a few predictions for the session and re-print an explanation of how these Power Rankings work, which we've copied and pasted almost verbatim from previous articles.

 

So a little Q&A to refresh your memories:

 

“There are 52 teams in the TSL this season!  Are you going to show rankings for all 52 starting QB’s every week?”

Not even close.  At minimum, the Top Ten will be shown EVERY week.  We always expand as the season goes on, so you'll see a Top 15, Top 20... last season we got to a Top 30, so we do try to be inclusive.

 

“Is this going to be heavily biased towards the higher divisions?”

In a word: yes.  The purpose of a Power Ranking is to highlight the absolute best in the League, and for the most part the best are competing AGAINST the best.  We will absolutely be acknowledging the performances (good and bad) of Quarterbacks in the lower divisions as well, but it's rare that a lower division QB will crack the Top Ten or Fifteen, and that's the way it should be.  Generally speaking if you don't like your ranking, our advice is to try moving up a division next session.  The better your competition, the more credibility you earn for beating it.

 

"Are gender team QBs treated differently in the Rankings?"

Not really.  A team's a team, and although gender team scores tend to be a little higher (every TD = minimum 8 points) we don't see much difference.  It takes skill to win with men; it takes skill to win with women.  The biggest knock on gender teams is that they tend to play in lower divisions and as we said above, we do factor THAT into our rankings.

 

"How are you ranking backup QBs if they come in and play better than some other team's starter?"

Generally we're only ranking one QB per team, even if you've got a player on your bench that you think could be a successful starter elsewhere.  And for teams with unreliable QBs who don't show up often enough for us to even KNOW who the starter is, we often leave them out of our rankings entirely... as they say, the best "ability" is "availability".  If you want to get ranked, show up and play as often as you can.  

 

"I'm new to this League and people don't know me yet!  How do I get ranked when I'm still an unknown?"

For starters, you should play really well.  If you're scoring a lot of points, we WILL notice you.  There are several new teams this session, so we probably DON'T know who you all are yet.  Email us at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. to introduce yourself, and please, be patient.  If you're the highest scoring team in the League in Week 2, that doesn't mean we're anointing you as the next Chris Cole just yet.  Keep at it, play well, and we promise eventually we will recognize you.

 

"What about Breakfast Club QBs?"

Breakfast Club is for fun, not crushing your opponents.  We don't put a lot of stock in the stats from Breakfast Club, and typically don't include it in our Rankings.

 

“So you’re only ranking QB’s… what about the rest of us?”

Oh, we didn’t forget about the rest of you.  In addition to the QB Rankings, we will do our best to put out other rankings that the rest of you can enjoy – best team offenses, best team defenses, best referees, best male receivers, best female receivers, best at bar …  ranking anything is always fun.  Unless we rank you last, of course.  Unlike previous years where we just sort of threw out random rankings throughout the season, we're going to TRY to keep a little more structure this session.  See a list of dates below for what we plan to rank each week (besides, of course, quarterbacks).

 

“You keep saying ‘we’.  Who is writing this?  Who determines these rankings?”

Don’t worry about who’s writing this.  Let’s be honest: If you knew who was on our Committee (there's a few of us), you would incessantly whine to them about why you or your QB should be ranked higher every week.  Anonymity is key for journalism THIS important.  

 

And that's how the Power Rankings work.  We expect it's going to be an incredible season, with fifty-ish teams battling for TSL supremacy.  Our official predictions for this year (with the benefit of one week already being in the books, of course): 

  • There are no undefeated teams in any divisions, but at least one team will go winless
  • Spinelli's Plumbing wins a championship for the second season in a row
  • There will be exactly three different QBs to reach #1 in our Power Rankings this season
  • Zack Attack finishes with the #1 defense in the League
  • Steph Infection beats Liddle Deaks in the Breakfast Club finals
  • TMA makes, and loses, the D5 Finals game this session

 

But what do we know?  We went "2 and a half" out of 6 on last year's predictions:

  • Chris Cole goes undefeated in the regular season and reclaims the top spot in the Power Rankings [We were MOSTLY right here as Cole finished #1, but Public Enemy (R.I.P.) did lose a single game.  We'll take half credit.]
  • Passed Our Prime will be the highest scoring team in the TSL this season across all divisions [Nope.  They weren't even the highest scoring in their own division, and finished 9th in the League.]
  • Breast Friends will be the highest scoring gender team in the TSL, and win exactly zero games by forfeit this season [Right and right.  40.6 PPG and not one forfeit win, after taking three the season before.]
  • TSL Legend Darryl Carr finishes the season with a higher rank than TSL Legend Topper [Wrong.  Topper, presumably motivated by this slight, finished last season 10th to Darryl's 20th.]
  • A QB we've never heard of will finish the season in the Top 15 [You know what?  We're going to say we got this right with Jeremy Burr.  Sure, we'd all heard of Burr the receiver, but Burr the QB was an unknown and he finished last season ranked #13.]
  • Dave Eickhoff, ranked 26th at the end of last season, will make his return to the Top Ten at some point this season [Not quite, as Eickhoff peaked at #15 last season.  It had been 31 weeks in a row with Eickhoff missing the Top Ten, until (spoiler alert) he finally made it back this week, courtesy of his D3 championship win last season.]  

 

So there you go.  Let's get to the first QB Power Rankings of the Spring 2022 Season.  It's going to look a LOT different at the top this season without some of the League legends you're used to seeing at the fields: 

  • Perennial #1 Chris Cole retired on top, and this will mark the first Power Rankings in TSL history where he isn't ranked... he had been in our Top Three for 39 consecutive weeks spanning all five seasons we've been doing this.  Bobby McConnell would have to remain in our Top Three for another three straight seasons to tie that mark.  Which might become easier than you'd think for Bobby, because...
  • Bro Kleckler has retired (or is taking a break) from football this session, which means 100% of our D1 champions from 2021 are not playing this season.  Tight Ends in Motion have merged with Slob Kabombs to make their super team even more super, and Seth Molisani will now be QBing for last season's runner-up team.
  • Matty Ice retired within SECONDS of winning D2 and declared himself the all-time greatest on his way out.

 

Who's left and ready to step up in the absence of these legends?  Let's take a look!

 

 

#1 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week:  Lost to Legends 37-16

Eliminating Cole and Bro in the same week was supposed to cement Bobby as the undisputed #1 in the TSL.  Instead he puts up 16 points in a losing effort to Legends, and is now the lowest scoring QB in D1.  So why is he starting the season at #1?  A body of work at least a decade in the making, that's why.  Putting anyone else in the #1 freakin' spot one week into the season would feel very premature considering only four people have EVER earned that honor to date (there's a trivia question for you, name all four).  Bobby has earned the right to the top spot this week.. but he's going to have to do better it if he wants to stay on top.

 

#2 Joey Batts - Legends

Last Week:  Beat Eyes Downtown 37-16

Mrs. Battaglia's baby boy made a strong D1 debut with Legends this week, decisively beating Eyes Downtown.  This was a lot better than his Gryffindor D1 debut... didn't those guys go like 0-9?  Someone ought to look that up.  In fact up until last season (when he only QBed for the Stunts) Joey was one of only two QBs (the other being Chris Cole) to have NEVER fallen out of the Top Ten before.  Now he's immediately in contention for the #1 spot.  Oh, and the Stunts won too.  Batts 2, Opponents 0.

 

#3 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week:  Lost to Tight Ends in Motion 48-42

For the second straight D1 pairing in these rankings, we've ranked the losing team's quarterback higher than the winning team's.  Doesn't make a lot of sense to you?  We don't care.  Thomas dropped 42 points on one of the best defenses in the League last week.  No disrespect to the Sticky Bandits, but they are not the best defense in the League, and they needed every point from their QB to keep up, which Mike gave them.  Everyone else in D1 seems to have loaded up on new superstars this session, but the Sticky Bandits just keep doing their thing with the same guys.  We respect the consistency.

 

#4 Seth Molisani - Tight Ends in Motion

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 48-42 (Seth did not play)

People often said to us "Bro's not THAT good, ANYONE could win with that kind of talent on Tight Ends!"  Huh, maybe they were right.  No Bro, no Seth, no Kyle, and Tight Ends in Motion won with like their fourth choice of QB in Andy Smigiera this week (sorry if we're spelling that wrong).  Andy is actually REALLY good, as anyone who has played against him will attest to, but yeah, Seth gets penalized a bit this week because a) he wasn't there, and b) Tight Ends didn't seem to need him that much.

 

#5 Alex Buchlis - The Notorious BNB

Last Week:  Beat Passed Our Prime 45-36

Finally, a winner ranked higher than the QB of the team he just beat.  BNB struggled last season with their new team, turned things around in the winter session, and are now off to the races with 45 points in their first game of the Spring session.  This is the sort of performance we were expecting more of last Fall. Also the Power Rankings Committee demands to know the status of Alex's father, as he hasn't been seen at the fields in at least a few seasons.  If B's Brother can make a comeback, why not Doctor Buchlis?

 

#6 Brandt Dubey - DILFS

Last Week:  Beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 33-14

Dubey peaked in our Power Rankings at #2 three years ago, and then climbed back to #3 a year and a half ago.  We think he's back on the "dominant" part of his up-and-down cycle, at least for the time being.  DILFS could be serious contenders this season, but like most years, it may come down to the consistency and attendance of their QB.

 

#7 Jeremy Olson - Passed Our Prime

Last Week:  Lost to the Notorious BNB 45-36

[Editor's note: Sorry Hogan, your original write-up got lost in the copy/paste process and we never replaced the #7 Week One blurb from last season.  Clearly Topper doesn't have the budget for proof-readers, since all his money goes to his poolside cabana.  The TSL sends its deepest regrets that we weren't able to promptly describe your loss this week to our readers.  This is what we meant to say:]

 

Stop us if you've heard this before:  Passed Our Prime was missing some players, Hogan scored nearly 40 points, lost anyway with poor defense.  Sean is going to be an absolute monster on this roster and you know Hogan is going to deliver on offense (Passed Our Prime nearly won the whole winter session behind their high scoring attack) but defensive questions always seem to plague this team.  We suspect they'll get some of their swagger back when they crush When Dove Cries next week.

 

#8 Dylan Jaloza - Bullet Club

Last Week:  Lost to Scared Hitless 31-29

The implosion of TopShot is Bullet Club's gain this season as they get a steady hand to guide their team at QB.  It'll be interesting to see how Dylan responds to the change in team - TopShot was all young guns, while Bullet Club has the veteran leadership and savvy, especially with the addition of Non-Award Winning Tommy Hughes.  A two point loss in week one won't define their season, but how Dylan gels with his new receivers over the next eight weeks will.  We think he'll do fine.

 

#9 Patrick McGovern - When Dove Cries

Last Week:  Did Not Play

When Dove Cries starts the season with a bye but the rumor is that Topper isn't physically cleared to compete yet after some off-season surgery.  Expect his Power Ranking to drop the longer he's absent (although hey, it might drop even faster if he comes back and plays like his usual self...)

 

#10 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care

Last Week:  Lost to DILFS 33-14

Grey Hair - Don't Care was a little outclassed by DILFS in their D2 debut but we think they've got the talent to do fine in their new division this session.  Eickhoff is coming off a D3 championship and a surprisingly dominant indoor season, so we expect he'll be a contender this season come playoffs.  Welcome back to the Top Ten Dave!

 

So that's a look at where we stand after one week.  As always, we will expand coverage throughout the season to cover more and more QBs, but it's difficult when seemingly half the League hasn't played a game yet AND we're not even sure who's throwing for every team yet.  We'll get there.

 

**

 

For all you TSL history buffs out there that want to know QB Power Rankings data stretching back before the Top Ten chart shown above, here is the entire history of the Top Ten going back the past four seasons that we've been Power Ranking (season three being shortened by one week due to COVID issues):

 

 

UGLY chart... but thorough!  This is our summary version of the above, showing cumulative points for the last five seasons for every QB who has EVER cracked the Top Ten.  Here's how it works: you get 10 points for a first place week, 1 point for a tenth place week, and zero points for not making the Top Ten at all that week.  Active QBs (as far as we know) are highlighted so you can see who has the best chance to move up this season.  Gives you a fairly accurate sense of who our top QBs have been over the past five seasons we think (obviously biased towards people that have been here the longest over that stretch):

 

 

**

And finally, here is our schedule for what we plan to rank this season OTHER than just our usual QB Rankings.  If you have feedback ahead of these articles and you want to weigh in, you can always email us at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  If you email us AFTER the fact to complain about how much you hated them, we'll just tell you that you should have let us know sooner!

 

  • May 12: Best Teams All-Time in the League
  • May 19: Best Female Players in the League
  • May 26: Best Male Players (Non-QB) in the League
  • June 2: Division All-Star Teams Announced
  • June 9: Most Likely TSL Hall of Famers

 

***

 

That's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you want to see those "Best in the League" graphs while your team is riding a hot 1-0 start to the season?  you are already angry that you're not going to be mentioned in all those Non-QB rankings and you want to complain in advance?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..    Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

Week 7 Rankings

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
Created: Thursday, 07 October 2021 14:40
Published: Thursday, 07 October 2021 14:40
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 319

 

Hello and welcome back to your TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!

 

One week of regular season football remaining in 2021.  Excuse our language for a second (look away if you have sensitive eyes) but pretty fucking exciting, right?  Unless you're one of six teams in D3 or D4 you already have a playoff spot locked up, BUT it's still important to finish strong.  Pride, momentum, playoff seeding, or even one final F.U. to a division rival.  This week is your last chance to get it in before playoffs start and legends are born. 

 

This week we have the following for you:

  • QB Power Rankings - the Top 30 quarterbacks in Western New York touch football (sorry other Leagues, but the TSL is where the best come to play!)
  • Overachievers and Underachievers - we're taking a look at which teams have outperformed expectations this year and which have failed to meet our expectations.  If the receiver rankings have taught us anything, it's that you'll be insulted either way: it's either "I can't believe they didn't think we'd be this good!" or "I can't believe they're saying we suck!"

 

Enjoy!

 

 

 

#1 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Beat Losing Streak 42-30

 

Copy and pasting from the past two weeks: Chris Cole and Public Enemy are still undefeated and still have the best offense (now 45.0 PPG) in the TSL.  Not only are they the best offense in the League, but they've actually been the best offense in the League from Week One of this season.  This Saturday they'll play the last regular season games in the storied history of their team (future comeback not withstanding) against Eyes Downtown and Sticky Bandits.  An undefeated championship swan song is what they've been picturing ever since Tight Ends dropped them in the Finals a few months ago.  Can they go the distance?

 

#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Beat Tight Ends in Motion 44-34, beat Slob Kabombs 36-35

 

Just a reminder that Eyes Downtown was given 8-1 odds to win D1 by the Vegas casinos (as reported by the Godfather in Week One of this season)... worse than Tight Ends in Motion, and worse than Losing Streak.  How do we keep forgetting that Bobby McConnell will ALWAYS be in the Finals picture?  Eyes Downtown is clearly the second best team in the League right now, having been thoroughly outclassed by Public Enemy back in Week Five and pretty much unstoppable the rest of the season.  Second best offense in D1, BEST defense in D1 ("Defense carries Eyes Downtown to championship" was not a headline we ever imagined writing).  The first round playoff bye is theirs for the taking.

 

#3 Matty "Ice" Ditullio - A&A / The Angels - (Previous Rank #4)

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 49-16 (A&A), beat Cobblestone 45-38, beat Freeballers 48-23 (the Angels)

 

For 15 weeks in a row, the Top Three in your TSL Power Rankings have been some combination of Chris Cole, Bobby McConnell and Bro Kleckler.  That streak is now over, as Matty Ice crashes through the glass ceiling to take the #3 spot.  We don't like to hand a ranking this high to anyone who plays outside of D1, but it's impossible to ignore what Matty is doing: 8-0 with A&A, 6-2 with the Angels, including a 6 game winning streak (okay, really five and a forfeit).  That's 13 wins in a row against some VERY good competition.  Two of the Top Ten offenses in the League are QBed by the Crop Top Kid, and a Championship double isn't out of the question for A&A and the Angels.

 

#4 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #2)

Last Week:  Lost to Eyes Downtown 44-34, lost to Losing Streak 30-20

 

The reigning world champions are now 4-4 and only fifth in their division in scoring.  Tight Ends' attendance issues are absolutely killing their team right now as Bro seems to be throwing to subs every time we catch one of his games.  This might be the most talented roster in the TSL when they're all present, but they're not going to repeat as champions like this.  We like to think they'll rally together for playoffs and bring back the fire they showed when they beat Public Enemy last year, but man, it's getting tough to picture that right now.

 

#5 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Victorious Secret - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Beat Tight Ends in Motion 30-20, lost to Public Enemy 42-30 (Losing Streak), lost to Lenny's Ladies 50-26 (Victorious Secret)

 

Losing Streak's two wins this season have both come against Tight Ends skeleton crews.  Not that Jordan has to apologize for the fact that his team is showing up and theirs isn't, but you'd love to see a full strength game between those two teams.  Maybe we'll get it this week, as the Ladder Match schedule has them facing off for the third time this season.  Has anyone ever gone 3-0 against the defending champs and 0-6 against everyone else?  We have to imagine that would make some history.  Victorious Secret is doing a little better as they've moved into third place in D6.  That division is anyone's for the taking, so even if D1 eludes him, Jordan has a chance to win championships in his first two seasons in the TSL.

 

#6 Seth Molisani - Slob Kabombs / Buffalo Vice - (Previous Rank #6)

Last Week:  Lost to Eyes Downtown 36-35

 

Slob Kabombs went 0-2 this week after showing up an hour late and forfeiting a game against the Sticky Bandits, and then dropping an incredibly close finish against Eyes Downtown.  This team isn't the most organized in the world (see: scheduling mishaps) but the talent is undeniable.  Whoever draws Slob Kabombs in the first round of the playoffs is going to have a tougher out than we all figured a few months ago.

 

#7 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

No game for the Sticky Bandits after Slob Kabombs no-showed this week, but the forfeit win keeps them even with the Slobs and Losing Streak in the standings.  There's definitely a "second tier" in D1 this session but the good news for those teams is they've all played the top teams pretty well and games have rarely been blowouts.  

 

#8 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless - (Previous Rank #9)

Last Week:  Beat Passed Our Prime 40-35

 

Scared Hitless goes to 6-2 and they're scoring 35.5 PPG, good for third in their division.  We can't say enough about the turnaround this team has had this session after struggling their first season in D2.  They do everything right, they have great guys, phenomenal girls, and the right QB under center to take them to a championship game.  Dylan moves up one spot in the Power Rankings this week.

 

#9 Dylan Jaloza - TopShot - (Previous Rank #8)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

No Dylan for the second week in a row.  He gets passed by the other Dylan in the Power Rankings based solely on attendance this week.

 

#10 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries - (Previous Rank #11)

Last Week:  Lost to XTC 42-22

 

Topper gets destroyed by 20 points and STILL backs into the Top Ten??  Sounds suspicious, considering he owns the website that publishes this article.  3 pm games are obviously not where Topper does his best work, but we looked at the stats and he has both a better record, better points per game and yes, better attendance than Alex Buchlis, so the two League icons swap spots in the Power Rankings this week.  This makes it official: the only three QBs to make the Top Ten in all five seasons of our Power Rankings are now Topper, Cole, and McConnell.  That makes them the three "best"... right?

 

#11 Alex Buchlis - The Notorious BNB - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Buchlis was not at the fields this week and a bare bones Notorious BNB crew fell to TopShot with Travis quarterbacking.  Where has Alex's dad been lately?

 

#12 Jeremy "Hogan" Olsen - Passed Our Prime - (Previous Rank #12)

Last Week:  Lost to Scared Hitless 40-35

 

Last season Passed Our Prime was the 9th best offense in the TSL and they won only a single game.  This season Passed Our Prime is the 9th best offense in the TSL and they've won two games.  Progress!  At this rate they'll be the 9th best offense in the TSL and winning their division in about five years.  Although he couldn't get passed Scared Hitless in D2 this week, Hogan did fill in for Lenny's Ladies and immediately found a win in D6 against Victorious Secret, so the day wasn't a total loss.  

 

#13 Jeremy Burr - The Untouchaballs - (Previous Rank #13)

Last Week:  Beat Super Freaks 40-27

 

The Untouchaballs are the third best offense in their division... the third best defense in their division... and the third best point differential in their division.  Guess where they are in the standings?  Yes, they're in third place, in the TSL's third highest division.  We don't think they'll finish the year in third though, as Untouchaballs have wins over the two teams ahead of them (Angels and Grey Hair - Don't Care) which bodes well for their playoff chances.

 

#14 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #17)

Last Week:  Beat When Dove Cries 42-22

 

Dubey's back this week (feels like it's been a while) and XTC put the hurt on When Dove Cries 42-22.  14th in the Power Rankings might be a little low for Dubey considering he has more points per game than three of the QBs ranked ahead of him in our charts. Alas, a 3-5 record and spotty attendance don't help.

 

#15 Travis Cleveanger - Breast Friends - (Previous Rank #16)

Last Week:  Beat Cunning Stunts 45-43, lost to Vaspian 32-24

 

Tough to argue with the website poll ("Brian > Travis > Joey") but we're going to give it a shot anyway.  Breast Friends is 4th in the TSL in scoring.  Vaspian, while having a great season, is 34th, and the Cunning Stunts are 6th.  Brian has the best record, Travis has the best stats, and Joey is in between both.  We feel pretty good about our final Ranking here.

 

#16 Joey Batts - Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #15)

Last Week:  Beat Titsburgh Feelers 42-22, lost to Breast Friends 45-43

 

See: Travis (#15) above.  Cunning Stunts scored 85 points this week in an offensive clinic and somehow didn't walk away with two wins.  If Joey had the chance to trade places with Travis (move up a spot in the Power Rankings, move down four spots in the D4 standings) we suspect he'd rather keep his extra two wins.  Hey whatever happened to Mountain Dew Me?  Did their athletes disperse and find new teams, or did they just fade away and leave the League?  

 

#17 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care - (Previous Rank #18)

Last Week:  Beat Show Me Dem TDs 27-14

 

Grey Hair - Don't Care sits on top of the D3 standings right now moreso on the strength of their defense (best in the division) than their offense (7th in the division) but Eickhoff is obviously doing something right or they wouldn't be 6-2 right now.  Grey Hair's pedestrian point differential (+2.6 per game) doesn't give us a TON of faith in them as postseason favorites but we don't see them getting blown out of any games either.  This is a good team that wins games without dominating them.

 

#18 Brian Orzechowski - Vaspian - (Previous Rank #20)

Last Week:  Beat Breast Friends 32-24

 

We'll continue to call Brian "the Undefeated Brian O" until he gives us a reason not to... and he hasn't yet.  Vaspian's Cinderella season continues after a solid win over Breast Friends, and they now sit alone atop the D4 standings with a 7-1 record (we'll keep reminding you, the one loss was when Brian didn't play).  Vaspian are absolutely the favorites to win their division right now, which we couldn't imagine typing a few short months ago.

 

#19 Scott Drosendahl - Bullet Club / 4th & Dong - (Previous Rank #19)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Scotty is apparently stuck out of town and didn't play this week.  His teams didn't exactly thrive in his absence either - Bullet Club and 4th & Dong are on a combined 12 game losing streak this season.  Free agency will be key this offseason as Scott will need a little more help if he wants to compete for a championship in either D2 or D3 next season.

 

#20 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone - (Previous Rank #21)

Last Week:  Lost to the Angels 45-38

 

Despite a 38 point effort from Darryl this week against the Angels, Cobblestone is on a three game losing streak.  They finish the season against top seeded Grey Hair - Don't Care and it LOOKS like Cobblestone has already done enough to make the playoffs: They have a one game lead and a head-to-head tiebreaker against Show Me Dem TDs so the 8th spot in the D3 postseason should be theirs win or lose this week.  A win over the #1 seed would give them a lot more confidence for the big dance though, wouldn't you think?

 

#21 Joe Miano - Falconies - (Previous Rank #24)

Last Week:  Beat Buffalo Vice 43-27

 

A week after scoring only 9 points against Vaspian, Joe Miano rights the ship and the Falconies put up 43 in a winning effort against Buffalo Vice.  The Falconies have a bit of a "second tier" feel to them in D4 right now but they're one of only four teams with 5 wins to their name, and they boast the third best point differential in their division, so they should absolutely be considered contenders.  Miano is used to flying under the radar a bit, and he probably doesn't care at all that we just described his team as "second tier".  He'll have his Falconies ready when it matters.

 

#22 Nick Hawes - Spinelli's Plumbing - (Previous Rank #25)

Last Week:  Beat Wasted Potential 40-30, beat TOX 50-42

 

Spinelli's becomes one of only two teams to already play all 9 games this session and they wrapped up their regular season with an 8-1 record.  This squad seems destined for bigger and better things, and we're certain we'll see them in D3 (or higher) some day.  Spinelli's is third in the TSL in scoring and more importantly third in total point differential as well... and yet they're not even the best point differential in D5 with Come From Behind having a slight edge there.  If those two teams don't meet in the D5 finals, we've been robbed of a classic.

 

#23 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs - (Previous Rank #22)

Last Week:  Lost to Zack Attack 34-33

 

Itches and Ohs falls to Zack Attack in their lowest scoring effort since Week One of the season.  They're still fine at 4-3-1, and they could lose their last game of the season against Today's Feast (they won't) and still make the playoffs.  The fact that they're 8th in their division in point differential though makes us think they might not last too long in the playoffs, but stranger things have happened.

 

#24 Brandon "B" Ford - (Previous Rank #23)

Last Week:  Lost to GUCCI 41-27

 

Practice Squad is clinging to that last playoff spot in D4 and a loss to 10th place GUCCI was the last thing they needed.  Fortunately for them they finish the season against the Titsburgh Feelers / Breakfast Club / Random team conglomerate, AND they have the tiebreaker over Puckett All-Stars, so they'll likely make playoffs in the end (just to lose immediately to Vaspian).  B and the Lantz family will be stronger next season, but we don't think they'll be hoisting any championship trophies at the banquet this year.

 

#25 Zack Elphick - Zack Attack - (Previous Rank #26)

Last Week:  Beat Itches and Ohs 34-33

 

The Attack are 3-1 in their last four games and getting hot at the right time.  They're a little weaker offensively and a little stronger defensively than Itches and Ohs, but the two teams have nearly identical records and point differentials, so of course they played to a one point finish this week with Zack Attack taking the W.  Zack plays Vaspian and their #18 QB in the League next week which will be a big litmus test to decide if they're real contenders this season. 

 

#26 TJ Ferguson - Puckett All-Stars - (Previous Rank #27)

Last Week:  Beat Today's Feast 28-22

 

Puckett All-Stars got the win over Today's Feast... but it looks like that probably won't be enough to make playoffs.  They need to beat GUCCI (possible) and the Falconies (harder, but possible) AND have Practice Squad lose to Titsburgh Feelers (very unlikely).  Might be time to start thinking about next season for TJ and company.

 

#27 Paul Lovullo - Come From Behind - (Previous Rank #28)

Last Week:  Beat Not So Sticky 40-6

 

Come From Behind has outscored Not So Sticky 76-12 over the past two weeks, and if the playoffs started today their first round opponent would be... Not So Sticky.  Sounds like a free ticket to the D5 semifinals to us.  As we noted in Nick Hawes' write-up above, Come From Behind has the second best point differential in the LEAGUE right now.  These guys are absolutely rolling. 

 

#28 John Langley - Travis Henry's Kids - (Previous Rank #29)

Last Week:  Beat Graves Bros 59-36, beat Lenny's Ladies 37-32

 

Last week we noted that Travis Henry's Kids were 4th in the TSL in scoring at 41.4 PPG.  After scoring 59 and 37 in a pair of wins on Saturday they now sit at SECOND in the League in scoring at 43.3 PPG.  Incredible.  They may not be the most complete team in the League (8th worst defense) but man, can John throw the ball.

 

#29 Kelly Kane - GUCCI - (Previous Rank #30)

Last Week:  Beat Practice Squad 41-27

 

It might be too late to save their playoff chances but Kelly Kane is finding her stride after a slow start this season, scoring 41 in a big win against Practice Squad.  GUCCI is still mathematically alive (we think); they'll pass Puckett All-Stars by beating them this week AND having Puckett fall to Falconies, and then GUCCI can pass Practice Squad by virtue of the tiebreaker they hold IF Practice Squad loses to Titsburgh Feelers.  Yeah, that's asking a lot.  More likely than not, GUCCI will play their last game of the season this weekend.  They've been a fun team on the fields and at the bar (Kelly in particular is great if you haven't met her yet), so we hope they're back next session.

 

#30 "Coach" Jay Jaskier - Wasted Potential - (Previous Rank #31)

Last Week:  Beat Lettuce Win 37-6, lost to Spinelli's Plumbing 40-30

 

The Coach is back in the TSL QB Power Rankings after missing much of the start of the season with his coaching conflicts.  Wasted Potential is obviously a better team when their QB and leader is present, and although we keep talking about D5 like it's a two team race between Spinelli's and Come From Behind, Wasted Potential ACTUALLY has the second best record in the division right now, so it would be foolish to count them out yet.

 

***

 

Overachievers and Underachievers

 

Everyone has expectations that their own team will be world beaters every session.  "We added Jim and Jen this season, we'll never lose!"  And yet, half the teams lose every week (we're ignoring ties, because we hate them) so half of you are always wrong with your delusional hopes of football glory.

 

But we don't care about YOUR expectations of your own teams, we care about everyone ELSE'S expectations of your teams.  Some teams are expected to be good, and they are.  No one is "shocked" that Public Enemy is 7-0 right now.  The teams below though either overachieved or underachieved this season in the eyes of the TSL QB Power Rankings Committee.  Congrats if you're on the overachievers list, condolences if you're on the underachievers list!

 

Top Ten Underachievers Who We Thought Would Do Better

 

10.  When Dove Cries - elderly Quarterback aside, this is one of the more talented rosters in the League.  Drew, Devin, Aaron, the Clarke twins, Kelly... you'd be hard pressed to find a better group of veterans.  These guys should be in that A&A, TopShot, Scared Hitless tier of D2.  Why are they sitting at .500?  

 

9.  XTC - these guys are some of the savviest veterans in the League.  Their QB is a living legend, Katie Keller is TOP notch, and they have the (sorry everyone, we're going to say it) UNDERRATED Joey Batts running routes out there as well.  They should have a winning record.  They don't.  That's underachieving right there folks.

 

8.  Losing Streak - it's not really fair to call Losing Streak "underachievers" in a sense.  They've played every other D1 team to within a one score game, so it's not like they're getting killed.  The fault is really with us, for having such high expectations of that roster.  The Godfather gave them the third highest odds to win D1 in his preseason review, which in hindsight was probably too much to ask for a team in their first season in D1.  They're good, but it was too early to expect THAT much of this roster this quickly.

 

7.  Practice Squad - we're told that injuries are what's killing Practice Squad this season as they're not the same killers we've been used to the past couple of seasons.  Whatever the reason, they were preseason favorites (along with Stunts, Buffalo Vice and Itches and Ohs) to win the division and now they'll be lucky to make the playoffs.  If it's just injuries, we assume they'll be back in the Spring at full strength and ready to contend again, but this has been an underachieving session for this great Squad.

 

6.  Graves Bros - two years ago Graves Bros were 7-1 and on the top of the D6 standings.  Today they sit at 2-5 and have the worst point differential in their division.  This was a team on the rise, and we imagined they'd be competing for the D5 title by now.  Why the regression?  They've got athletes, they should be doing better than this.

 

5.  Tight Ends in Motion - the most talented collection of athletes to play football in this League are 4-4 this session after going nearly undefeated in D1 last season and winning the whole League.  It's not their play that's underachieving so much as their health and their attendance.  We still think they're the team to beat when their full team is present, but we expected more from The Champs than .500 this season.

 

4.  Bullet Club - Bullet Club has been in D2 forever now.  Yes, they're obviously getting a little older (aren't we all) but we think they should be a hell of a lot better than 0-8.  Todd "bag of dicks" Halas and Zach Newberry alone should be good enough for one win right there.  These guys often surprise us by "showing up" in the playoffs and scoring an upset, and maybe that'll happen again this year, but where we stand right now Bullet Club look like big underachievers, and there's nothing "too sweet" about that.

 

3.  Frodo Swaggins - it's not their fault that their QB broke/separated/sprained his shoulder, but this was a team that we all expected would be pushing for a D3 title this session.  We wrote earlier this year that "Frodo Swaggins should be favored to win very game they play this season" and the Godfather agreed, giving them the highest odds to win their division.  They're still doing fine by the way: they've only lost two games and tied a third, and we're talking about them like they're yesterday's news.  But... they're in fifth place now, and without Garrett, we just don't believe they'll hit the lofty expectations we had for them in the offseason.  

 

2.  TMA - TMA is the best team in D6!  How dare we call them underachieving!  Well, we dare, because they've been in D6 forever without winning or moving up, and this was their chance to absolutely dominate the division with Spinelli's moving up and Tater Tots taking the session off... and they haven't.  They're winning games, but they're only +17 on the SEASON, which means they're in first place winning games by an average of only 2.4 PPG.  You had 3-1 odds to win this division in the preseason TMA... don't blow it!

 

1.  TOX - we hate to kick them when they're down, but let's finish with an 0-8 team.  Losing Topper and Tommy Hughes was always going to hurt this team so our expectations weren't very high to begin with, but we DID think they would win a game by now.  Last year there was only one winless team and that was "Juiced"... who folded and merged with TOX this season.  There are people on this team who have never won a game in the TSL yet, and man, that makes us sad.  We don't want to be sad.  Let's look at Overachievers instead!

 

 

Top Ten Overachievers We Didn't Believe In Who Are Proving Us Wrong

 

10.  Come From Behind - Even when you know an athlete is very good, it's hard NOT to underestimate them when they reach a certain age.  We continue to think Tom Brady is going to fall apart any minute because "that's just what athletes do" when they get to that age.  Like Brady and his obnoxious annual SuperBowl appearances, we continue to underestimate Come From Behind based on their average age, and wow, do we continue to be wrong.  These guys are having a GREAT season and playing as if they're all 25.  

 

9.  The Untouchaballs - We didn't think Untouchaballs would be GARBAGE this season, but when we thought about the D3 title picture we were imagining Frodo, Freeballers or Last Dance stepping in to fill the void that TopShot left when they moved up.  Preseason polls had them at 7th in their division with 12-1 odds of winning.  And we'll be honest, adding Burr as QB seemed like a step backwards at the time (if he can throw, how come he's never done it before?) but yeah... we were very wrong.  These guys are playing GOOD football, they're 5-2 and they're real contenders to win D3 now.  

 

8.  Eyes Downtown - No one who has won multiple D1 championships should ever be dismissed as a contender, and somehow we did that to Bobby F'n McConnell (that's his actual middle name).  In hindsight, terrible decision.  Eyes Downtown can't catch Public Enemy for the #1 seed, but they've all but locked up the #2 and a first round bye (our knowledge of tiebreakers isn't perfect so don't quote us on that).  In a division where it was supposed to be P.E. and T.E.I.M. and no one else, that's a pretty big achievement.

 

7.  Breast Friends - Clearly Travis can throw (or "scramble, scramble, scramble throw" would be a more accurate way to put it) but we didn't expect Breast Friends to be the fourth best offense in the League.  Come on, you didn't either.  D4 is one of the most competitive divisions this year with Buffalo Vice, Cunning Stunts and Vaspian making life a nightmare for opponents, but Breast Friends is hanging in there at 4-4 and they haven't lost a game this season by more than one score.  It's hard to establish new gender teams lately since most of the elite female athletes in the League are already committed to the Angels, Stunts, Ladies etc but Breast Friends has defied the odds in 2021.

 

6.  Victorious Secret - Speaking of gender teams overachieving, Victorious Secret went 2-7 last season with the worst point differential in D6, and this year they're 4-3 with a positive point differential (okay, it's -1 when we remove their forfeit win).  They seemed like afterthoughts in the division race last year, and now they're suddenly one lucky weekend away from a first round bye?  Jordan and his ladies are killing it this year, and the League is always better off when gender teams are having success.

 

5.  Grey Hair - Don't Care - Inconsistency is what has killed Grey Hair - Don't Care over the past couple of years.  They'd come out and have a dominant showing against a good team and we'd think they're ready to take that leap to championship contender... and then they'd score 8 points in a losing effort the next week.  We're not sure what the difference is this season, but 6-2 doesn't happen by accident (and we suspect Cobblestone will make that 7-2 this week).  The #1 seed in the D3 playoffs??? Eickhoff and team have exceeded our expectations this season.

 

4.  The Angels - Of course the Angels were always going to be competitive.  Of course they were.  Emily Curry.  The Pagano twins.  Val Bernal.  Casey Lawler.  Hell, the rich got richer when they added Robin "#1 female receiver in the TSL" Makula this offseason too!  But we did NOT expect a six game winning streak and a shot at the #1 seed going into the last game of the season.  Sorry if you're offended ladies: we knew you'd be good, but we didn't think you'd be THIS good.  What happens if they win D3?  Do the Angels move up and try D2?  We desperately want to find out.

 

3.  Slob Kabombs - The Godfather's preseason review gave Slob Kabombs 100-1 odds to win D1 this session.  A slight exaggeration maybe, but still, they were LONG shots, and we all agreed with our friend in Iowa.  Word on the street was that these guys were going to get killed against the top teams in the League, and guess what... they haven't.  Take away their forfeit losses (bad management, sure) and their first two losses of the season to Public Enemy and Tight Ends in Motion and what have they done since?  They've beaten Sticky Bandits by a point, beaten Losing Streak by ten points, and lost by a point to Eyes Downtown.  They're a competitive D1 team!  Oh, don't say you saw it coming.  You didn't.

 

2.  Scared Hitless - We were torn over the #1 overachieving team this session between two teams, and Scared Hitless was one of them.  Their first season in D2 went poorly with a 2-7 record and second last place in the standings.  We did note in this article several times that although their record wasn't great, it wasn't like they were losing games by a LOT, and they were very close to being competitive.  Maybe Melanie was all they needed to put them over the top?  Whatever the reason, they've already tripled their win total this season with a game to go, and surpassed all of our expectations in the process.

 

1.  Vaspian - These guys were 1-7 last season in D3, dead last in the standings.  They've moved down to D4 this session, lost one of the VERY best athletes in the TSL, and now they're 7-1 and in first place.  We hoped that they would be competitive in D4, but we were thinking .500 MAYBE.  Instead they're the team to beat and on the longest winning streak in team history.  Had they ever won THREE in a row before this current seven game streak?  Amazing.  Vaspian: you are the biggest overachievers in the TSL this season.  Congrats.

 

 

***

 

And that's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you wanted defensive player rankings and we never delivered?  you THOUGHT you hated our graphs but now that you don't see any this week you realize you kinda sorta miss them?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

Week 8 Rankings

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
Created: Thursday, 14 October 2021 15:28
Published: Thursday, 14 October 2021 15:28
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 345

 

 

Hello and welcome back to your final TSL Quarterback Power Rankings of the year!

 

Another regular season is in the books and teams are eager to lace up their cleats this Saturday and chase that playoff immortality.  A few teams are feeling VERY confident in their chances while others already know they have about zero chance of taking home a championship trophy... but there are also a lot of teams in the middle in that "we COULD win it all with a few lucky breaks" category, and that's what makes sports so exciting.  Even if you weren't as good as you wanted to be over the past eight weeks, there's nothing stopping you from putting together a few good games and finishing the year on top of your division.  This is why we play the game, folks.

 

For our last article of the season (the Power Rankings Committee doesn't work during playoffs) this is what we have for you:

  • QB Power Rankings - the definitive end of year QB Power Rankings.  There's no "maybe I'll move up next week" so we hope you like your rankings QBs - you're stuck with them for a while.
  • Division by Division Review - in depth coverage of each divisions leaders on offense, defense and net point differentials, plus playoff "predictions" (kind of) and a final look at favorites, contenders, and pretenders
  • Final Observations on the Fall 2021 Season - it's a long offseason (especially for us: we don't rank the TSL Winter session QBs) so these are some final thoughts for the year

 

Enjoy!

 

 

 

#1 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 40-6, lost to Eyes Downtown 41-33

 

They won't finish their last ever season undefeated after a loss to rival Eyes Downtown, but Public Enemy WILL finish in first place in the standings and with the best offense in the TSL (42.9 PPG).  A quick recap on the tail end of Cole's career if his retirement plans hold and he rides off into the sunset as expected: we've done our Power Rankings 39 times across five seasons now and Cole has been ranked first in 22 of those, second in 10, and third in 7.  He has never been lower than third.  The GOAT retires on top of the Power Rankings... but he'd much rather retire with another D1 championship under his belt in a couple weeks.

 

#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #2)

Last Week:  Beat Public Enemy 41-33

 

Last season Bobby was the only QB to beat otherwise undefeated Tight Ends in Motion.  This season he's the only QB to beat otherwise undefeated Public Enemy.  Eyes Downtown earned the first round bye that many assumed would belong to Tight Ends in Motion in the offseason, and they beat Public Enemy this week to prove that they're viable contenders for the championship.  Shame on us for thinking Eyes Downtown would be an afterthought in the D1 title picture this season.

 

#3 Matty "Ice" Ditullio - A&A / The Angels - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

No games for Matty Ice this week, but he proves his value in absentia as his "won 14 games in a row" teams combined to go 0-2 without him quarterbacking this week.

 

#4 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #4)

Last Week:  Beat Losing Streak 34-22

 

Their two game losing streak to Losing Streak is now over and Tight Ends end the season the way they'd planned to begin it: with a win.  They've lost their grip on the first round bye so their path will be that much harder now, but Bro and team are still the World Champions until someone can knock them out of the playoffs.  If their whole team somehow showed up we would love their chances... but we haven't seen Kyle or Nick in weeks, so we're thinking this is who they are right now: talented but vulnerable.

 

#5 Seth Molisani - Slob Kabombs / Buffalo Vice - (Previous Rank #6)

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 30-21, lost to Eyes Downtown 44-43 (Slob Kabombs), lost to Breast Friends 36-30

 

Slob Kabombs are now third in D1 in scoring behind only Public Enemy and Eyes Downtown, they're fourth in the division standings, and they've been beaten by Eyes Downtown twice in the last two weeks by only a single point each time.  Forfeits aside, these guys haven't lost by more than one point since Week 3 of this season.  Fair to say a lot of people are underestimating Seth and team, but they shouldn't be.  With this level of talent it's not IMPOSSIBLE they're playing in the D1 finals in a couple weeks.

 

#6 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Victorious Secret - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Lost to Tight Ends in Motion 34-22 (Losing Streak), lost to Blitzkrieg 51-25 (Victorious Secret)

 

Losing Streak finished their inaugural D1 campaign with a pair of wins against short handed Tight Ends in Motion squads, some very close losses and some losses that... well, weren't as close.  Losing Streak can attest to the fact that yes, there is a pretty big jump between D2 and D1.  But Jordan held his own more often than not, and Losing Streak finished 1 PPG shy of Slob Kabombs for third best offense in their division.  They ALSO finished 1 PPG shy of worst defense in the entire TSL, so that held them back more than anything.  We wouldn't give them very good championship odds, but they went 2-1 against their first round opponent, so they definitely have a shot of making it to the next round.  And Victorious Secret finished tied for the second best record in D6 (thanks in part to some forfeits, sure) which is a huge success for that team this session.  We could see the Victorious ladies upsetting TMA in a title game if everything bounced their way.

 

#7 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

No Mike Thomas at the fields this week so the Sticky Bandits (or what passed for a Sticky Bandits squad with whoever they could scrape together this week) had Adrian Cannon quarterbacking for them.  The one time Mike played against Slob Kabombs earlier this season it came down to the final play, so we're expecting a good matchup in the first round of playoffs between those two teams.

 

#8 Dylan Jaloza - TopShot - (Previous Rank #9)

Last Week:  Beat A&A 19-16

 

A&A will not finish the season undefeated as Dylan Jaloza handed them their first loss this week in Matty's absence.  19 points isn't a great day at the office for Dylan, but a win's a win, and TopShot tied for the best record in the division.  Of course they had the best record in D3 last session and famously flamed out, but we don't THINK that will happen this season against Passed Our Prime?  Probably?

 

#9 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless - (Previous Rank #8)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

A Topper forfeit gives Scared Hitless their seventh win of the season after recording only two last session.  A pretty huge improvement for the Hitless men and women to go from bottom feeders to championship contenders that quickly.  

 

#10 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Fearful of the Scared Hitless women, Topper wisely forfeited to avoid the embarrassment of... no, actually he was in Ellicottville this weekend so he gave himself a rare day off.  With the forfeit loss When Dove Cries finishes with a losing record, but these vets have played this game long enough to know that regular season doesn't mean a whole lot.  Legends are made in the playoffs, and if last season's Championship game appearance is any indication, these guys know how to turn it up when it counts.

 

#11 Alex Buchlis - The Notorious BNB - (Previous Rank #11)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

No Buchlis at the fields again this week as Notorious BNB (like many other teams in Week 8) played with a slew of subs.  

 

#12 Jeremy "Hogan" Olsen - Passed Our Prime - (Previous Rank #12)

Last Week:  Lost to Bullet Club 59-33

 

Stop us if you've heard this before: Passed Our Prime finishes in the Top Ten in the TSL for offensive points per game, and dead last in points against.  Yes, by losing to Bullet Club 59-33 they've officially passed the defunct Titsburgh Feelers for the distinction of worst defense in the League.  Hogan continues to shine on O, but it's hard to take this team seriously as a contender until they decide to play both sides of the ball.

 

#13 Jeremy Burr - The Untouchaballs - (Previous Rank #13)

Last Week:  Beat Freeballers 27-20, lost to Last Dance 36-35

 

The Jeremy Burr experiment has worked out great for Untouchaballs so far this session as they finished the regular season in second place in D3.  They DID own a tiebreaker over Grey Hair - Don't Care (for what it's worth), so Untouchaballs were actually just two points away from locking up the top seed this past week if they only could have gotten past Last Dance.  And yet... they got killed by Cobblestone earlier this season (whom they would have played in the first round had they won the #1 seed) and they've beaten 4th & Dong (whom they'll play against now as the #2 seed) so maybe second place is better than first for this team based on the matchup.

 

#14 Travis Cleveanger - Breast Friends - (Previous Rank #15)

Last Week:  Beat Buffalo Vice 36-30

 

Breast Friends finishes this season fourth in the TSL in points per game and, more importantly, they have wins over two of the top three teams in this division (Vaspian escaping them by just one score).  If Travis rolls out a complete team on Saturday for the playoffs, they'll be tough to beat.

 

#15 Joey Batts - Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #16)

Last Week:  Beat Falconies 27-22

 

Cunning Stunts have a better record in the same division as Breast Friends, so the obvious choice would be to move Joey ahead of Travis in our Power Rankings on that basis alone.  But Breast Friends have 1.6 PPG more than the Stunts (who are fifth in the TSL in offense) AND the head to head win, which is why Joey gets slighted in our final Power Rankings of the year.  We do think the Stunts are the odds on favorites to win the D4 championship this year for what it's worth, as their defense is significantly better than Breast Friends.

 

#16 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #14)

Last Week:  Lost to Notorious BNB 44-32

 

XTC finished 3-6 and clearly a tier below the top teams in D2, but their point differential isn't as bad as their record so maybe they've got a shot at upsetting some teams in the playoffs.  Their first round opponent is When Dove Cries and the combined QB age will be north of 90 again (we wonder what the record is... Woodpeckers vs Come From Behind has to be up there?) but we still expect Dubey to put points on the board and challenge for a spot in the D2 semi-finals.

 

#17 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care - (Previous Rank #17)

Last Week:  Beat Cobblestone 28-8

 

Grey Hair - Don't Care finishes the Fall 2021 Regular Season on top of the D3 standings, which honestly surprised the hell out of us given the struggles they've had to be consistent week in and week out over the past few sessions.  Eickhoff is playing great football and after seeing All We Do is Quinn, Scared Hitless and the Sticky Bandits steal his thunder in D3 the past few seasons, we think it might finally be his time.

 

#18 Scott Drosendahl - Bullet Club / 4th & Dong - (Previous Rank #19)

Last Week:  Beat the Angels 32-26 (4th & Dong)

 

It had been way too long since Scotty Ballgame picked up a W, and now the world feels right again.  Playing against the first all-gender team in recent memory (our records don't go far back enough to know if there had ever been an ALL girls team before... someone tell us if you know!) Scotty did enough to lock up the win and push 4th & Dong into the playoffs with some momentum.  We don't expect Bullet Club to have much success against A&A (tough matchup despite this week's win) but hey, 4th & Dong could make a run.

 

#19 Brian Orzechowski - Vaspian - (Previous Rank #18)

Last Week:  Lost to Zack Attack 31-20

 

The "not so undefeated" Brian O finally lost a game, though allegedly with a shell of a team this week against Zack Attack.  This week was rough for a lot of teams with attendance, so we don't read too much into it.  Vaspian finished 7-2 and they have the second best defense in the TSL at only 21.4 PPG allowed.  Moving down a division was the right choice for this team... although if they win out in the playoffs, they'll find themselves right back in D3 again next session.

 

#20 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone - (Previous Rank #20)

Last Week:  Lost to Grey Hair - Don't Care 28-8

 

8 points isn't a great week, but fuck it.  Darryl is a legend.  'Nuff said.

 

#21 Joe Miano - Falconies - (Previous Rank #21)

Last Week:  Lost to Puckett All-Stars 38-19, lost to Cunning Stunts 27-22

 

Falconies had a chance to really insert themselves into the title picture this week by beating Puckett All-Stars and Cunning Stunts, which would have tied them for the best record in the division.  Instead they lost both games and finished at 5-4, one of six teams in D4 with five wins.  No, they didn't have their full roster, and yes, they hope to do better next week for playoffs, but now they have a first round date with Vaspian and that could be a tough nut to crack even for a great quarterback like Joe Miano.

 

#22 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs - (Previous Rank #23)

Last Week:  Beat Today's Feast 68-36

 

Sixty eight points!  Moser moves up in our final Power Rankings of the season with a dominant showing over Today's Feast.  We're still concerned about their "sixth worst in the TSL" defense but it won't matter if they can keep scoring to the Moser/Streeter girls, who combined for seven gender TDs last week.

 

#23 Nick Hawes - Spinelli's Plumbing - (Previous Rank #22)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

No game for Spinelli's who were already done for the season.  Nick was one of only four QBs this year whose team averaged 40+ PPG on offense.

 

#24 Brandon "B" Ford - (Previous Rank #24)

Last Week:  Beat Titsburgh Feelers 32-18

 

Crazy to think that Practice Squad, one of the most respected teams in D4, will not be playing in the postseason this session, but that's just how it's gone for B and company lately.  Beating the Titsburgh Feelers replacement team is a fun end to the season... but not the end that they had in mind a few months ago.  Practice Squad will be back, we have no doubt.

 

#25 TJ Ferguson - Puckett All-Stars - (Previous Rank #26)

Last Week:  Beat GUCCI 50-41, beat Falconies 38-19

 

Well we were clearly wrong about the playoff scenario last week because Puckett All-Stars won out their last couple games and made the playoffs.  This team usually saves an extra gear for the last games of the season so we shouldn't be surprised.  Scoring 88 points in the final week of the season is a good way to get some momentum at the right time too.  Puckett ends the session as the sixth seed but they're playing against a three seed next week that was only a single point better on total point differential this year, so it SHOULD be a close matchup against Buffalo Vice.

 

#26 Zack Elphick - Zack Attack - (Previous Rank #25)

Last Week:  Beat Vaspian 31-20

 

We thought Vaspian would be a brutal opponent for Zack Attack to finish the regular season against, but the Attack clearly didn't mind.  They finished the season 5-4 and in possession of the final playoff spot in D4, which means a date with Cunning Stunts in the opening round of playoffs.  Tough matchup for most teams but... didn't Zack Attack DESTROY the Stunts just a few weeks ago?  This might be a candidate for a huge 1 seed vs 8 seed upset.

 

#27 Paul Lovullo - Come From Behind - (Previous Rank #27)

Last Week:  Beat Woodpeckers 28-14

 

Come From Behind finished in second place for point differential in the entire TSL, a mere 0.07 PPG behind some team you've never heard of (Public Enemy?  Are we saying that right?).  This team won games, and they won them PRETTY easily.  Paul has been phenomenal slinging the ball around on O, but it's worth pointing out that they were also the #1 defense in the TSL at only 20.9 PPG allowed.  This is a SOLID team, and barring a disaster (ie Paul doesn't show up) they should be playing for a title in a couple weeks. 

 

#28 John Langley - Travis Henry's Kids - (Previous Rank #28)

Last Week:  Lost to TMA twice (56-18 and 44-22)

 

We figured TMA vs Travis Henry's Kids was going to be a D6 finals preview, but now we hope it wasn't.  Travis Henry's Kids were outscored 100-40 this week in a pair of games against TMA, which doesn't give us much optimism for John Langley's chances in the finals.  Still, it was the last week of the season and most teams were shorthanded so maybe it doesn't mean anything?  We'll find out in a couple of weeks, as THK has earned a first round bye so they're already through to the D6 semi-finals.

 

#29 Kelly Kane - GUCCI - (Previous Rank #29)

Last Week:  Lost to 4th & Dong 32-26, lost to Puckett All-Stars 50-41

 

Kelly scored 41 points in a losing effort against Puckett All-Stars this week, then nearly beat 4th & Dong in her TRUE gender team subbing appearance with the Angels.  Two losses to end the season, but all things considered not a bad week:  she scored a ton of points with GUCCI, and then narrowly lost with a team of receivers she'd never played with before.  Kelly should only get better as she acclimates to new teams/people/rules etc in the TSL next session.  Keep an eye on this one.

 

#30 "Coach" Jay Jaskier - Wasted Potential - (Previous Rank #30)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

No game for Wasted Potential this week.

 

 

***

 

Division by Division Review

 

For our final stats review of the season, we're going to show you the following:

 

  • The breakdown of best offenses, defenses and net point differentials per division
  • A graph of average point differentials per game for each division with the same "Favorites, Contenders, Pretenders" logic we used earlier this year (if you're winning games by an average of 6+ PPG, you're a Favorite in green; if you're losing by an average of 6+ PPG, you're a Pretender in red; all other teams are yellow in the middle; these are not OUR judgments on who falls into each category, it's strictly based on the math)
  • A quick twitter sized recap of the division heading into playoffs, and then identifying which teams are "overrated" and "underrated" in each group.  Note that these last two categories are based purely on what we see in the scores and stats, NOT our own personal feelings of players on each team (we might personally think Joey Batts is overrated, but if the underlying numbers say his team is in fact underrated, that's where we'll include it below) so TRY not to be offended.

 

And away we go!

 

 

Division 1

 

 

The Headline:  Public Enemy is the favorite to retire at the top of their game if they can survive challenges from Eyes Downtown and Tight Ends in Motion; the other three teams have the talent to score an upset, but not the consistency to go the distance.

 

Underrated:  Tight Ends in Motion were short-handed or injured for most of their losses; if they're STILL short handed or injured during playoffs then they don't stand a chance, but if they've got the whole "D1 winning roster" available to them over the next couple of weeks, then they're a lot better than the stats you're seeing above.  Also potentially underrated are Slob Kabombs, whose point differential in our chart above is being tanked by their rough start to the season when they were outscored 49-98.  Since those first two games though (and excluding two forfeit losses) they're +18 in their last five games, so they're clearly the best team outside of the "Big Three".

 

Overrated:  Losing Streak and Sticky Bandits have wins against backups and wins via forfeit (and in Sticky's case, a win over Losing Streak); take those away, and they haven't REALLY beaten any of the other four teams yet.  Tough to bet on either of these teams to go the distance when they haven't done it yet all season (even though they've both been maddeningly close at times).

 

 

Division 2

 

 

The Headline:  A&A has a slight edge over their two real contenders (Scared Hitless & TopShot) and everyone else is hoping for upsets.

 

Underrated:  D2 teams finished in almost exactly the order their point differential would suggest they should, so hard to say anyone is "overrated" or "underrated" here... but we'll go with A&A as our most underrated team, even though they're in first place.  They STILL haven't lost with Matty starting at QB (their only loss came in the last week of the season when he was out) and if we throw out that one 19-16 outlier loss their point differential per game increases to +9.5 PPG.  That isn't MUCH better than their best rivals, but it separates them from the pack just a little bit more.

 

Overrated:  Believe it or not we'll choose the LAST place team in this division as the most overrated, only because Bullet Club's stats are inflated by their last game of the season when Travis QBed.  Take away that one game and they're still winless with their starter, AND their point differential per game drops from -10.89 down to -15.50.  Tough to picture an upset against A&A in the first round, right?

 

 

Division 3

 

 

The Headline:  No clear cut favorite means that a handful of teams could realistically win the D3 championship... Cobblestone isn't one of those.

 

Underrated:  The Angels are on a 6 game winning streak with their starting QB present, and their slim lead in point differential per game would only get bigger if we throw out their 6 point loss in Matty's absence this week.  They're not MUCH better than the rest of the division so by no means are they strong favorites to take home a title, but they've got the best offense and best point differential, plus a QB who hasn't lost a game since August.  Read that again. (Sorry, couldn't help ourselves Matty).

 

Overrated:  It's Grey Hair - Don't Care.  They're winning games and that's what's important, but many sports statisticians believe point differential is a better indicator for future success than your past win/loss record, and Grey Hair - Don't Care is shockingly average for a first place team.  They're fourth in their division in point differential, seventh in offense, and they're really only exceptional on the defensive side.  Good enough for a 7-2 record apparently, but maybe not good enough to beat the teams BELOW them in the standings when it counts.  Maybe they'll prove us wrong.

 

 

Division 4

 

 

The Headline:  The TSL's most wide open division has 8 teams with winning records and positive point differentials; it's anyone's guess who wins this thing

 

Underrated:  We were tempted to go with Breast Friends only because they're fifth in their division despite having the second best point differential per game, but we're going to pick Vaspian instead.  A FULL strength Vaspian team (Brian and receivers) has yet to lose a game this session.  It's obviously cherry picking to throw out a team's short handed games and compare that to the rest of their division (if we throw out Vaspian's short handed games we should throw out EVERY team's short handed games to make it apples to apples, so this is highly irresponsible math) but just for fun let's do it anyway.  Vaspian is +55 over a nine game season, but if we toss out their first game (no Brian) and their last (many other missing players) they're +88 over seven games, which would be +12.57 PPG... good enough to pass Cunning Stunts for best in the division, and fourth best in the entire TSL.

 

Overrated:  Itches and Ohs finished fourth in the standings despite being sixth in point differential.  Okay that's not a BIG gap, but it's also inflated by beating an already eliminated Today's Feast in the final week of the season by 32 points.  Take THAT away and their point differential per game would drop from +4.67 to +1.25, which would drop them behind Zack Attack and Falconies for 8th best in the division.  

 

 

Division 5

 

 

The Headline:  Spinelli's Plumbing and Come From Behind are likely to play for the championship; Wasted Potential is the only other team with a chance

 

Underrated:  Come From Behind finished second in the entire TSL in point differential per game, just a fraction behind Public Enemy and nearly 9 points per game better than Wasted Potential (who are ahead of Come From Behind in the standings).  For a third place team, they look an awful lot like a first place team.  We're not saying they're the best team in their division necessarily (dig into the numbers a bit and you can argue Spinelli's is absolutely better) but it does mean CFB is probably underrated.

 

Overrated:  The numbers might suggest that Wasted Potential is slightly overrated (their win/loss record probably exceeds what it should based on point differentials) but they've also been missing their starting QB at points in the season, so if anything they're debatably underrated for playoffs.  Instead we'll choose Woodpeckers as our VERY slightly "overrated" team here since they finished in fourth on tiebreakers despite their point differentials suggesting they should be 6th.  But that's really splitting hairs.  Most teams in this division are pretty accurately seeded.

 

 

Division 6

 

 

The Headline:  TMA should win the division... but every other team has a real chance of beating them

 

Underrated:  Definitely Blitzkrieg.  They finished next to last in their division (tied for the worst record), but their point differential suggests they could be the second best team in D6.  It wouldn't be a complete shocker to see these guys beating TMA in the championship game.  Sure, they're 1-2 against TMA this season, but they've actually outscored the #1 seed by 10 total points throughout those three games.  Blitzkrieg easily has the best playoff odds of any 3-6 team in the League right now.

 

Overrated:  Where to begin?  Apologies in advance to "girl power" and our TSL feminists.  In our defense, we took the Angels and "honorable mentioned" Breast Friends as underrated above so we're not THAT misogynistic (we LOVE our female refs, Jon Gruden doesn't know shit!) but in D6 it looks like Lenny's Ladies and Victorious Secret are both overrated teams.  Lenny's Ladies benefited from some "Top Ten in the Power Rankings" QB subs throughout the session that won't be available during the playoffs, while Victorious Secret benefited from two forfeit wins this season.  Take all that away, and you've got two good teams... but not as good as their stats/record would suggest.  Oh and we'll throw Travis Henry's Kids under the bus here as well.  Second best record in the division but they have a negative point differential?  Every other second place team is about +6 to +7 PPG and Travis Henry's Kids are -3.2!  What a crazy division.

 

***

 

Final Observations

 

Here are some final thoughts, in no particular order

  • We ranked a bunch of random things this year in addition to QBs: female receivers, male receivers, bar legends, overrated/underrated teams etc.  Next year we'll TRY to advertise these things a week in advance in our article, so if you have any thoughts ("you're doing female pass rushers next week?  you've GOT to include Maggie!") you'll have a chance to convince us before we publish anything.
  • If you have any thoughts about what we SHOULD rank next year, shoot us an email and let us know!  We've already got a few ideas for new things to rank that you're going to absolutely HATE next session.
  • There were two remaining undefeated teams last week (Public Enemy and A&A)... and both of them lost on Saturday.  Ignoring Breakfast Club, this marks four seasons in a row now without a true undefeated squad in the League. Think about that for a second: there have been 24 divisions over four seasons, and not ONE of them has had an undefeated champion.  Winning is hard in this league!
  • There were three remaining winless teams last week between Bullet Club, TOX and Super Freaks... and two of them won!  Okay, TOX via forfeit, but it still counts.  Super Freaks is the only winless team this session.  Last year we ALSO had one winless team (Juiced) so apparently it's easier to go winless in the TSL than it is to go undefeated.
  • Several long winning streaks (Public Enemy, A&A, the Angels, Vaspian) were broken this week, mostly due to attendance issues.  The longest current winning streak in the League now belongs to Spinelli's Plumbing who started 0-1 and have won 8 in a row since.
  • The longest losing streak in the League now belongs to Super Freaks at 9 games in a row, but we feel mean even pointing that out.
  • Remember when COVID check-ins were a thing?  Good to know that everyone in the TSL was super cool and understanding about it, but yeah, let's hope we're never forced to do that again.
  • We don't know exactly how long Public Enemy has existed, but we DO know that when they're gone next season Cobblestone will become the longest continuously operating team in the League (this excludes teams like Come From Behind or A&A that took time off from the League at some point).  Cobblestone might ALREADY be the longest continuously running team (we have no way of knowing if they or Public Enemy came first) but we can say with 100% certainty that it will be Cobblestone after Public Enemy is gone.  Never retire, Darryl!

 

And that's it for this year!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you miss us in the playoffs/winter session?  we went another full session without mentioning your name once?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

Week 6 Power Rankings

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
Created: Thursday, 30 September 2021 17:46
Published: Thursday, 30 September 2021 17:46
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 329

 

Hello and welcome back to your TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!

 

Last week had it all.  You like explosive shootouts?  Six teams cracked 50 points, and three of them broke the 60 point mark this week.  Maybe dominant defense is more your thing?  Six teams were held to a single score, one of which was completely shut-out.  It was a hell of a week for good football... this is why we play the game.

 

The TSL QB Power Rankings Committee has the following for you this week:

 

  • QB Power Rankings - we're up to a season high 30 QBs in our Rankings this week, so there's a DECENT chance your team is mentioned below!
  • NFL Receiver Comparisons - last week we included Matty Ice's NFL comparisons for all the top QBs in the League; this week he looked at the TSL Male Receiver Rankings and added his NFL comparisons for some of those big names as well.  They're awesome, so we're publishing them.
  • Division Analysis - we're looking at every division and sorting "Favorites, Contenders and Pretenders" by point differential.  Your team IS included on the graphs below, so take a look and see how you stack up against the rest of your division (and what that means for your playoff chances)

 

Enjoy!

 

 

Amazingly we have NO movement in the Top Twelve this week as the top guys either won, didn't play, or lost to great teams that really shouldn't hurt their Rankings (we don't change things just for the sake of changing things).  There is a lot of movement on the rest of the Rankings though, so let's get to it:

 

#1 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 44-35

 

Everything we said last week is still true: Chris Cole and Public Enemy are still undefeated and still have the best offense (45.6 PPG) in the TSL.  Remember when they were randomly just sort of mediocre on offense last season?  Yeah, seems like a lifetime ago.  Their biggest potential threat to reclaiming the D1 title this season is that their main rivals (Tight Ends in Motion and Eyes Downtown) have both allowed fewer points per game defensively.  If P.E. goes down in the playoffs, it'll be in a shootout gone wrong.

 

#2 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #2)

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 33-18

 

There are fifty teams in the League and Tight Ends in Motion is 26th in scoring.  They are a "below average" offense, and they have the #2 ranked QB in the League!  You can hate it all you want, but they're here because they keep winning - the only QB that's beaten Bro this year is the one that's ranked directly above him, and Tight Ends are on track to secure a first round bye in the playoffs for the second year in a row.  Still, at this time last year we were publishing graphs that showed them winning by an average of 23.5 PPG, and this season that's down to 4.8 PPG.  Cause for concern?

 

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Beat Losing Streak 63-6

 

Sixty three to six.  Holy shit.

 

#4 Matty "Ice" Ditullio - A&A / The Angels - (Previous Rank #4)

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 40-30 (A&A)

 

A win's a win and A&A stays undefeated, but maybe our expectations of Matty are too high that this week seems like a failure.  No Angels games and a 10 point victory against a team still searching for its first win?  Where's the headline here?  Maybe Scotty was fired up after Matty compared him to Jameis Winston and that made the game closer than it could have been.  Ah well.  If not for winning a bunch of games in a day, Matty can still make headlines this week for his TSL vs NFL Receivers Comparison that we'll show below.  He's already pissed off half the QBs in the League, might as well piss off the receivers too!

 

#5 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Victorious Secret - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Lost to Eyes Downtown 63-6 (Losing Streak), beat Blitzkrieg twice 35-34 and 36-18 (Victorious Secret)

 

We won't dwell on the obvious disaster that was Losing Streak falling to Eyes Downtown by 57 points.  The two teams played to a 6 point E.D. win earlier this season, so the gap between these squads isn't as big as it appeared on Saturday.  But hey, Victorious Secret picked up a couple wins!  Looks like they were both against Blitzkrieg, which is always annoying when you have to play a team twice in one day but happens occasionally in smaller divisions.  The Victorious ladies are tied for the second best record in D6 right now so a championship doesn't appear out of reach for ONE of Jordan's teams.  

 

#6 Seth Molisani - Slob Kabombs / Buffalo Vice - (Previous Rank #6)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

No game for Slob Kabombs, no Seth for Buffalo Vice this week (they went 1-1 in his absence).

 

#7 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Lost to Public Enemy 44-35, lost to Tight Ends in Motion 33-18

 

Another brutal doubleheader for Mike against the top two teams in the League and two more losses for Sticky Nation.  It's amazing how these guys seem to be in every game, just to have their hearts broken in the end.  If games were only 25 minutes long they might be like 4-2 right now instead of 1-5.  If anyone has proven they can adjust and find that extra gear for playoffs it's the Sticky Bandits so an upset isn't out of the question... but three playoff upsets in a row to claim a D1 title?  Betting odds will not be very high for that.

 

#8 Dylan Jaloza - TopShot - (Previous Rank #8)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

No Dylan this week.  His team won by one score with a sub QB.

 

#9 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless - (Previous Rank #9)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

No Dylan this week.  His team won by one score with a sub QB (okay, we just wanted to copy and paste that for two QBs in a row).

 

#10 Alex Buchlis - The Notorious BNB - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Lost to XTC 37-22

 

There's no shame in losing to a Joey Batts led XTC, but losing star receiver Garrett Beesing to injury is not something Notorious BNB can afford right now.  With TopShot coming up in this week's ladder match and Notorious BNB potentially without one of the best receivers in the League, Buchlis and team are going to have a hard time establishing momentum before the playoffs.

 

#11 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries - (Previous Rank #11)

Last Week:  Lost to TopShot 39-34

 

When Dove Cries is clearly a very good team... but they're also clearly the fourth best team in their division, having lost close games now to A&A, Scared Hitless and TopShot.  The glass half full here is that they're one score away from beating every team in their division.  The glass half empty is that if Topper can't find a way to get it done now, what hope does he have in the playoffs?  That arm's not getting any younger.

 

#12 Jeremy "Hogan" Olsen - Passed Our Prime - (Previous Rank #12)

Last Week:  Lost to Scared Hitless 38-30

 

Passed Our Prime is 2-5 after forfeiting a game and losing another to Scared Hitless this week.  They're also only -3 in point differential on the season (excluding that forfeit) and they haven't lost a game by more than 8.  Topper and Hogan are possibly complete opposites in terms of arm strength, but When Dove Cries and Passed Our Prime are both in the same boat right now: good enough to beat anyone in their division, wouldn't want to play them in the first round, mayyyybe not consistent enough to threaten for a D2 championship.

 

#13 Jeremy Burr - The Untouchaballs - (Previous Rank #15)

Last Week:  Beat 4th & Dong 29-22

 

Did anyone have the Jeremy Burr led Untouchaballs as 4-2 in Division 3 in their preseason predictions?  If so, good call.  Grey Hair - Don't Care have the most wins and Freeballers have the best win percentage, but Untouchaballs are right there with the leaders in D3 right now.  Burr is, by all accounts, playing really well in his first season at QB.  It probably helps having phenomenal female talent to throw to, but he's really taken to the position.  Can we consider him a Bobby McConnell protege?

 

#14 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins - (Previous Rank #13)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Bad news with Garrett injuring his shoulder this week while playing receiver on his D2 team.  We're leaving him in our Power Rankings for now until we see if it's anything serious that causes him to miss time, but if he's done for the year that's probably the end of Frodo Swaggins playoff hopes.

 

#15 Joey Batts - Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #17)

Last Week:  Beat Itches and Ohs 61-52

 

Crazy that Joey scored 61 points and it was only the third best point total of the week.  We DID say that the Stunts would rebound from that Zack Attack loss didn't we?  Cunning Stunts are now one of three 1-loss teams in D4, and Joey also QBed for D2 XTC this week in their win against Notorious BNB.  We took him out of our Top Ten at the beginning of this season when he stopped being a full-time QB in D1/D2/D3, but Joey will not be denied.  Is this the highest a full time D4 QB has ever been ranked?  We'd look into it, but that sounds exhausting.

 

#16 Travis Cleveanger - Breast Friends - (Previous Rank #19)

Last Week:  Beat Today's Feast 62-26

 

Not to be outdone by Joey Batts and his 61 points, Travis goes out and scores 62 in a huge win against Today's Feast.  Breast Friends are now the 2nd best offense in the League at 43.3 PPG, and they'd be #1 if we didn't remove Public Enemy's 21-0 forfeit win from our stats (but we never count forfeits).  They're only 3-3 so they're definitely getting overlooked a bit when it comes to D4 contenders, but the point differentials say they're as good as just about anyone.  Someone should show this in a graph... (spoiler alert: someone did! See graphs below) 

 

#17 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #14)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Another day another XTC game without Dubey.  His performances have been solid, his attendance, not as much.

 

#18 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care - (Previous Rank #18)

Last Week:  Beat Last Dance 27-26, beat 4th & Dong 27-24

 

Grey Hair - Don't Care are only 8th in their division in scoring, but somehow they lead D3 in wins.  Defense, luck, Molly Morgan, winning close games, whatever it is, their season has been an undeniable success so far.  We weren't sure they had much of a chance of winning D3 a few weeks ago.  Now we don't know... particularly if their kryptonite Frodo Swaggins is down a starting QB.  Eickhoff has been in the thick of the D3 race for a while now - maybe's it's just his time to win it.

 

#19 Scott Drosendahl - Bullet Club / 4th & Dong - (Previous Rank #16)

Last Week:  Lost to A&A 40-30 (Bullet Club), lost to Untouchaballs 27-22, lost to Grey Hair - Don't Care 27-24 (4th & Dong)

 

4th & Dong were undefeated world beaters just a couple weeks ago and now they're tied for sixth place?  What in the name of Scotty Ballgame is happening here?  It's been a rough couple of weeks for Mr Dro.  Perhaps seeing his hero/mentor Garrett Beesing go down with injury this week just sapped Scotty's will to win.  Whatever the reason, 4th & Dong will look to bounce back against Freeballers this week, and Bullet Club will... well, they'll play A&A for the second week in a row and hope for a better outcome.

 

#20 Brian Orzechowski - Vaspian - (Previous Rank #22)

Last Week:  Beat Buffalo Vice 40-6, beat Falconies 14-9

 

The undefeated Brian O continues to lift Vaspian from D3 afterthought to D4 juggernaught.  We hate to do the whole "Vaspian's stats would look even better if we throw out the game Brian didn't play" thing (since we have no idea which QBs have showed up for which games for other teams) but yeah, Vaspian would be undefeated and the best point differential in their Division if we tossed out their first game that Brian missed.  These guys were contenders a couple weeks ago.  Now they're favorites.

 

#21 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone - (Previous Rank #20)

Last Week:  Lost to Freeballers 54-35

 

Doesn't it feel like forever since Cobblestone last played a game?  We missed them.  Freeballers is rolling right now (we don't rank their QBs because it's seemingly someone different every week) but Cobblestone is sitting right at .500 too after moving up a division.  Great hair can't be stopped apparently.  We don't think we'll see a Cinderella run to the D3 championship from Cobblestone this season, but we can dream.

 

#22 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs - (Previous Rank #21)

Last Week:  Lost to Cunning Stunts 61-52

 

Itches and Ohs couldn't keep up with Joey Batts this week, but there's no shame in losing 61-52 to Cunning Stunts, they're some of the most talented women (and a TSL Villain of the Year) in the League.  At least, there's no shame for Steve's QBing... the Itches and Ohs defense is now 6th worst in the League, so they should probably work on that.

 

#23 Brandon "B" Ford - (Previous Rank #24)

Last Week:  Beat Zack Attack 38-25

 

Just when it looked like Practice Squad would never win another game (okay that's an exaggeration) B and team came through with a big W over Zack Attack.  Practice Squad might not make a deep playoff run (they might not MAKE the playoffs, as they're currently tied for 7th in a division of 12 teams) but they're not going down easy.  All they need is B to deliver one of those Tim Tebow "we got thirty minutes for the rest of our lives" speeches to fire up the troops and then they'll be unstoppable.

 

#24 Joe Miano - Falconies - (Previous Rank #23)

Last Week:  Lost to Vaspian 14-9

 

Only nine points from Joey Football?  Yikes.  We know Vaspian is (suddenly) good and all but something about this squad hasn't exactly "clicked" so far this season.  They've scored 30 points only once since opening day, and that was in a losing effort to Titsburgh Feelers (Titsburgh's ONLY win of the season).  They have one of best QBs in the division, so what's happening here?  Does anyone have any insight?

 

#25 Nick Hawes - Spinelli's Plumbing - (Previous Rank #26)

Last Week:  Beat Not So Sticky 36-16

 

Okay Nick, we see you.  Spinelli's is third in the LEAGUE in scoring right now at 41.4 PPG.  They don't get a lot of love from our rankings because they're playing in D5 (Nick is the highest rated D5 QB in case you're wondering) but they're the real deal and they play like pros (well not PRO pros, but like, a bar league football team that's been doing this for a while).  They were the best team in D6 last session.  They're the best team in D5 this session.  Barring a collapse, we expect they'll be at least CONTENDERS in D4 next session.

 

#26 Zack Elphick - Zack Attack - (Previous Rank #25)

Last Week:  Lost to Practice Squad 38-25

 

Zack Attack loses to Practice Squad and Zack Elphick drops one spot in our Power Rankings this week.  Maybe this was a trap game for them after crushing undefeated Cunning Stunts last week?  Whatever the reason, "the Attack" (no one calls them that) is now 3-4 and clinging to that final D4 playoff spot.  We think they'll make it.  Hey, if they get the 8th seed and Stunts earn the #1, that's got all the makings of a first round upset right?

 

#27 TJ Ferguson - Puckett All-Stars - (Previous Rank #29)

Last Week:  Beat Titsburgh Feelers 42-12

 

Puckett All-Stars!  Remember how good these guys were last season?  Topper insisted they were the team to beat in D5, and then, well, they didn't win.  But apparently they picked up some All We Do is Quinn people, moved up to D4 anyway, and results have been... underwhelming.  Their only two wins so far are against Vaspian's backup QB and the Mike Boccio edition Titsburgh Feelers, so they haven't beaten a "real" QB yet.  Which is crazy, because they're REALLY a pretty good team (They do have a positive point differential, despite their record).

 

#28 Paul Lovullo - Come From Behind - (Previous Rank #31)

Last Week:  Beat Not So Sticky 36-6, beat Woodpeckers 38-26

 

Paul "the Rocket Launcher" Lovullo (if his arm has a nickname already, someone from Come From Behind please email us and let us know) has pushed his team into third place in D5 and probably bruised ALL of his receivers hands along the way.  CFB is second in their division in offense AND defense AND total point differential. Spinelli's and Come From Behind are destined to meet in the D5 finals right?  It's sad that upsets nearly always rob us of the Finals we want to watch the most.

 

#29 John Langley - Travis Henry's Kids - (Previous Rank #32)

Last Week:  Lenny's Ladies 52-35

 

Travis Henry's Kids are 4th in the TSL in scoring (41.4 PPG) and John is the highest ranked exclusive QB in D6, surprising exactly no one in that division.  These guys are really good!  Why don't they have a better recor... oh, it's their 4th LAST in the League defense that's holding them back.  It always amazes us when we run into teams like Passed Our Prime or Losing Streak or Travis Henry's Kids.  If you've got great enough athletes to score, shouldn't they be great enough to play both sides?  

 

#30 Kelly Kane - GUCCI - (Previous Rank #30)

Last Week:  Lost to Buffalo Vice 40-16

 

With respect to Sam "Icebox" Lattuca, Kelly Kane becomes our first full-time female QB in the history of our Power Rankings this week.  GUCCI hasn't lit the world on fire in D4 this session, but remember the pass rush is faster in this League than where GUCCI came from, and it always takes some time to adjust to receivers having less time to run their routes.  D5 might have been an easier starting point for this team (D4 is brutally competitive this season even moreso than last) but Kelly is a great athlete and GUCCI will be fine.  

 

***

 

NFL Receiver Comparisons

 

Full disclosure: The following was not written by the TSL QB Power Rankings Committee, it was submitted by Matty Ice in response to our Male Receiver Rankings a couple weeks ago.  For those who didn't listen to it (and shame on you for that) Matty spoke on the TSL podcast recently about our QB rankings and compared some of the top guys to their NFL equivalents.  This week he submitted the same about our top male receivers, so we're going to publish his thoughts (verbatim) below:

 

  • Kevin Zack=Cole Beasely - Kevin is timeless. Kevin specializes in YAC. He is the last guy you want to see in front of you in the open field if you are on defense. The guy has more moves than a can of worms. He isn’t a deep streak down the field guy but, he can take a two yard check down to the house with ease.
  • Garrett Beesing= Cooper Kupp - Cooper and Garrett are both great route runners. Garrett always seems to make himself available at the clutch moments. There may not be a better deep out route runner in the league. Garrett has the self-proclaimed best hands in the league and he isn’t far off.
  • Todd Halas=Darren Waller - Here we go the guy no one hears from but continues to make plays each and every game. Todd is big strong and has hands like glue. When his QB is in need of a big play all he needs to do is throw it Todd’s direction and give him a shot. This is Carr’s strategy, this is Dro’s strategy. Easy match here. 
  • Pauly J=Michael Thomas - Yes, both of these guys still play, yes both are still very very good. Michael Thomas wasn’t made by Drew Brees and Pauly wasn’t made by Cole. Pauly has been in the league as long as anyone and from his first game until now he is still a threat. Paul isn’t the speedster he used to be but man this guy still gets open.
  • Dave Baker=Larry Fitzgerlad - Daddy Dave is probably the only person 10 years older then his NFL comparison, but don’t let that fool you. This guy is an animal. Dave like Larry, is never afraid to put his body on the line or do what needs to be done to win. Most importantly every one agrees Larry is a pros pro, and everyone in the TSL can agree Daddy Dave is a guy you want on your team!
  • Ralph Finney= Stephon Diggs - Can you DIGGS it? Ralph sure can. This guy can flat out play. Doesn’t matter what team or who is throwing him the ball. Diggs isn’t the 6 foot 5 or a 4.2 speed guy but he plays bigger and faster than he looks, Ralph does the same. Ralph like Diggs can take the top off and run the drag routes turning them into big gains. 
  • Keyon Elias=Jarvis Landry - Landry has led the NFL in catches in the past and has the most receptions by a player through six seasons. He is strong, he has speed, he is physical, and he can make the highlight reel catches. This to me screams Keyon. This guy is a QB’s dream, he bumps defenders off him to create space and if the space isn’t there, he is a great 50/50 guy. 
  • Drew Colosimo=Justin Jefferson - First off Drew CANNOT dance like Jefferson but there play style is similar. Jefferson is a play maker and so is Drew. Kirk and Topper both love to have the option to throw it far down the middle of the field and let their guys go get it. They both find the end zone a lot and there QB’s number one option. 
  • Sean Weisensal=D Hopkins - Alright, this guy right here is “Mr. Go Up & Get It”. We as Bills fans all remember the catch D Hop made on the Hail Murray. Sean made on of these to end the half this week, I was lucky enough to see it and to be honest it was DOPE. He makes the routine catches, he makes the low catches, and he high points the ball better then anyone in the league. Left hand, right hand, two hands if the ball is in his catch radius, he is more then likely to bring it in. 
  • Derek B= Julio Jones - This is an easy comparison for me. Both these are both big, strong, fast, and love catching the deep ball. There quarterbacks love using them to take the top off the defense and just air it out down the field. When the ball is in the air Derek has a knack of tracking it extremely well and reeling it in. 
  • Chris Nelson=Davante Adams - You want excitement? You want the total package? Well, here it is. Chris is one of those guys that doesn’t look like he is running hard but is blowing by you at the same time. The game looks easy to this kid. He knows where to be, when to be there and he can make every single catch in the book. There is not a route Chris can’t run comfortably and when the game is on the line that’s where the ball is going. The offense knows it, the defense knows it and you still cant stop it. 
  • Mike Boccio= Julian Edelman - Easy pick here. First off, they both think they can play quarterback at the highest level. They are just hoping there coach gives them a chance to throw it on a reverse or something but it rarely happens. Stay in your lane kids. Second, most fans think both of them are cheaters which is fair. They are both super intense and will push off until the refs call it. Now that the obvious is over, time for a more serious take on this comp. They both can run all the routes; they both are physical and play with a passion. When Brady needed a big completion to move the sticks, he went to Edelman, Cole does the same. They both have made insane catches in the biggest game. Last but kind of least, both wil be hall of famers against most peoples liking. 

 

***

 

Division Analysis

Our long-time readers know that we like to include charts and graphs at the end of our Power Rankings showing how our teams stack up against each other.  The most efficient way to look at the WHOLE picture of team performance (strength of schedule and attendance quirks aside) is average point differential per game.  In other words, by how many points are you winning (or losing) games by on average?

Using this data, we're going to assign each team into one of the following categories:

  1. Favorites - there can be more than one "favorite" in a division, but these are teams that no one would really be surprised if they won their division championship.  So Tight Ends in Motion for example might not be THE favorite to win D1, but they are certainly ONE of the favorites.
  2. Contenders - these are teams that have the potential to surprise the TSL Universe and win some playoff games... but it's hard to imagine them actually winning three in a row to take home a championship
  3. Pretenders - these are teams that we would be shocked to see win the championship, much less make it to a championship game.

 

What's interesting is that when we've done this in years past, we've noticed that there's sort of a natural cut-off in the graphs, and that teams with 6.0+ average point differentials tend to be favorites, and teams with -6.0 or less average point differentials tend to fall into the pretenders category.  We don't ALWAYS find that to be the case, but generally speaking the rule of thumb kind of works, so that's how we're going to label them on our graphs below (with our own biased commentary on whether we agree or disagree with the classifications for each division).  

Green is "favorite", yellow is "contender", and red is "pretender".  And if you're wondering if these classifications are at ALL accurate for predicting playoff success, let's look at last seasons Champs:

  • D1 - Tight Ends in Motion: Favorite (in fact they were our #1 choice for D1 based on their point differentials)
  • D2 - Losing Streak: Favorite (#1 point differential)
  • D3 - All We Do is Quinn: Contender (and they were actually SIXTH in their division in point differential... the math got this one wrong!)
  • D4 - Freeballers: Favorite (ranked #3 in their division in our math, but STILL a favorite with a +8.1 average point differential)
  • D5 - Zack Attack: Contender (ranked #3 in their division in point differential, just below the 6.0 PPG cut-off)
  • D6 - Spinelli's Plumbing: Favorite (#1 point differential)

So point differentials aren't a perfect indicator of post-season success of course, but four out of six divisions were won by favorites, two of out of six by contenders, and NONE of the pretenders went on to win a title.

Enjoy!

 

 

Tight Ends in Motion is a Contender and not a Favorite?  No argument with the classification of most of these, but we think there's a good portion of the TSL that would view TEIM as being a step ahead of Eyes Downtown in the D1 race.  The numbers say otherwise (although they may be slightly biased by the 63-6 beatdown Eyes Downtown just put on Losing Streak).

 

TopShot isn't a favorite but When Dove Cries is?  That's the only minor surprise here.  The graph shows a huge drop-off after the Top Four, and we tend to agree - barring an upset, those will be the teams in the D2 Semi-Finals this season.

 

We're surprised to see the Angels as high as they are, but maybe we shouldn't be (when they win, they tend to win big).  Grey Hair - Don't Care is on top of the standings, but they're only a middle of the pack contender according to the numbers.  And Last Dance are 2-4 and they're the second best point differential per game in the Division??  D3 is really hard to get a handle on.

 

The biggest visual standout of course is Titsburgh Feelers setting records for futility (they lost by 30 under Boccio, so apparently he's only made them worse...) but otherwise we actually agree with the favorites.  Stunts, Vice, Breast Friends and Vaspian are the top teams (though we may argue about the exact order) and then there's a bit of a drop-off between them and the next set of teams.

 

Spinelli's and Come From Behind deserve to be favorites, sure.  Wasted Potential and 716 seem like they're not THAT far back, but the math says the gap is bigger than we would have thought.  TOX is pushing Titsburgh Feelers for worst point differential in the League.  Bold prediction: they don't win D5.

 

 

The most interesting thing about this graph is the scale on the lefthand side.  Look how tight it is!  The best team is +6.2, the worst team is only -4.1.  There are no pretenders in D6, just a tight division where anyone in theory could win (but TMA probably will).

 

***

 

And that's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  Matty lost credibility when he compared himself to Aaron Rodgers and you want no more of his shenanigans?  graphs remind you of high school math class and you hate us for reminding you of that?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

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