WEEK 4 THOUGHTS, PICKS AND STUFF

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 12 May 2023 13:48

Published: Friday, 12 May 2023 13:48

Written by Jeff Krol

Hits: 946

Hello Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, and welcome to Week 4. You read that right. The TSL is entering the midpoint of the season, and the action has been fast and furious. By all reports, last week was a truly fantastic Football Saturday as the weather was awesome, the bar was hopping, and the games were (mostly) pretty great. It was a mixture of everything that makes this league great: B’s Brother, nice weather, old friends hanging out, new friendships being made, lots of drinks at the bar being crushed, and of course some football being mixed in. Those are the days that I miss the most, as of course I now live in my log cabin in Des Moines, Iowa and am unable to make it to the fields often. From the sounds of things, however, it seems as though things are running smoothly and the league is in a good place. 

So good of course, that we have some pretty nice storylines setting up for us as we enter the meat of the season. What are they? Well, I’m glad you asked! 

-Losing Streak has defeated Eyes Downtown to get to 3-0, and life doesn’t get any easier for them as they take on the also 3-0 Sticky Bandits in a matchup that could actually be considered a D1 championship preview. 

-Meanwhile, Scared Hitless has scored 24 points on the season, and someone really needs to tell them that tanking doesn’t work in the TSL. There is no draft, and they won’t be able to get a new QB that way. I’m sorry, but the league will not be able to put you in D2 midseason, no matter how hard you try. 

-The top 4 teams in D2 (there are only 5 mind you) are currently all in the Top 13 overall in the Super Kool Topper Rankings System, sitting at 5, 9, 10, and 13. That means they’re all playing great football and beating up on each other. 

-The 5th D2 team is Practice Squad, and yes, they’re 0-3, but they’re OH SO CLOSE to winning these games. They don’t get blown out. Their point differential is only -14. Multiple outlets have reported that they’re only one or two plays away from winning every game. B, figure it out. This is on you.

-D3 is looking like it’s separating into the contenders (Bullet Club, Wanderers, Itches and Ohs, Jabronies, maybe Let’s Get Reccked) and the pretenders (maybe Let’s Get Reccked, Vaspian, Can’t Touch This, and The Kellers) pretty early. 

-Puckett is on a mission to destroy everyone in their way in D4, as they have 110 points in two games. I don’t think they’ll keep up the 55 points per game average the entire season, but with a game against the Creekers this week (and the Stunts too), maybe I’m wrong. 

-The BAADies might be saddled with Garrett Beesing being a huge problem, but their defense isn’t anything to write home about overall either. Most of these ladies played fantastic defense on the Angels just a few seasons ago, so it’s not like they don’t know how to do it, but perhaps the rust is still needing to be cleared all the way off. 

-TMA is sitting at 2-0 and running the show in D5 despite all of the losses they had this offseason. A big part of that is the play of the ageless wonder Dorene Major and Raena O’Neil who have both been excellent since joining the squad. 

-On the other side of D5, the Tater Tots and ILF aren’t exactly having the seasons anyone envisioned when things kicked off a few weeks ago. Injuries and inconsistencies overall have both teams sitting at 1-2 and things aren’t looking up. On the plus side, these two franchises have been around long enough that they know to keep their heads cool and there’s plenty of football left. I hear ILF should let Becca QB though, so they can have better results than the apparent “bum” they have throwing currently. 

-D6 is wild, and Southside is just pummeling the competition. They dropped a 52-6 win on Blitzkrieg last weekend to show that they’ll be in D5 next season whether they win or not. Southside is averaging nearly 42 points a game, and only allowing just under 13 points a game. When your average score is 42-13, it’s time to move on. (For reference, the next best offense averages 30 points per game, and that’s the team Southside just held to 6 points, Blitzkrieg. The next best defense allows 22 points, The Tuddies)

-The Sausage McMuffins are also 3-0 in D6 and are quietly one of the best TSL stories so far this season. I’ve heard nothing but good things about this team, and they apparently have cool jerseys (which I’ll need someone to send me a picture of them to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. please). We’ll see if they’re for real this week when they play Blitzkrieg, who should be looking to right the ship after last week’s disaster.

-The rest of the new teams in D6 need to figure things out a bit more as Pit Harade, Back That Pass Up, and the Mighty Drunks are a combined 1-7 on the season so far. And the one win was PH beating the Drunks last week. 

So there you have it, some really cool storylines developing, and there’s nothing better than looking back at this article in about a month and seeing just how much everything changed. That’s the one thing about the TSL: anything can happen, and it usually does here. A team could figure things out and go on a run, someone can look mighty awesome all season and blow it in the playoffs. Like you, I’m excited to see it all play out. We’re on to Week 4: 

D1:

Last Week’s Games:

Sticky Bandits 30, Grey Hair Don’t Care 27

Tight Ends In Motion 27, Frodo Swaggins 21

Losing Streak 39, Eyes Downtown 38

Legends 40, Scared Hitless 12

D1 was mostly fantastic across the board this week, as we saw three great games and then the usual “Who beat the crap out of Scared Hitless?” game that we’re going to seem to get each week. This week it was the Legends, as Melanie helped her new team put a few nails in her old team’s coffin. The rumors of the demise of Grey Hair (and Frodo) were unfounded even though both teams lost. Grey Hair losing by 3 to Sticky is nothing to be upset about, and the same goes for Frodo losing by 6 to Tight Ends. And then Losing Streak stays atop the mountain of D1 with a thrilling one point win over Eyes Downtown. 

This Week’s Games:

Losing Streak vs Sticky Bandits (EVEN) - The Game of the Day is at 10:00am on Field 1 as the two undefeated teams in D1 will do battle to see who will be in the driver’s seat for the Week 1 bye in the playoffs (that just means they’d play Scared Hitless). This one can go either way, and I hope both teams aren’t missing anyone this week. LOSING STREAK BY 1

Legends vs Tight Ends In Motion (+3) - This should be an old fashioned slobberknocker itself. We still don’t know if TEIM can score enough to keep up with the Legends (TEIM has only played 2 games), but if anyone can slow the Legends down, it's the TEIM defense. TEIM is really flying under the radar this season, they’re basically a championship afterthought. LEGENDS BY 8

Tight Ends In Motion vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+7) - TEIM will be coming off a highly competitive game (hopefully) against Legends, only to be thrown right into a second game with a very spry Grey Hair team. Grey Hair has shown they can hang with the big boys (and girls) in D1, but they’ve got a LITTLE more work to do before they can be considered true contenders. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 3

Legends vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+10) - Things don’t get any easier for Grey Hair on this day. LEGENDS BY 14

D2:

Last Week’s Games:

Mavericks 41, Practice Squad 37

Freeballers 50, Mavericks 41

Well, the Mavericks certainly enjoyed scoring 41 points last week. It proved to be enough to sneak by Practice Squad, but then it wasn’t enough to beat the Freeballers. That pretty much sums up D2 at this point. 

This Week’s Games:

No Punt Intended vs Practice Squad (+7) - NPI hasn’t lost a game yet, and Practice Squad hasn’t won a game yet. Logically, this would mean it should be an easy call to take NPI here. However, Travis is long overdue for a bad game, and Practice Squad is hungry. They’ve been so close to winning, and I think it's time. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 8

Untouchaballs vs Mavericks (EVEN) - Yes, the Mavericks can score (37 points per game so far), but they can’t stop anyone either (35 points allowed per game). Their very weak defense will more than likely be their demise, and if there’s any team that can exploit that Mavericks’ D while also slowing them down on offense, it's the Untouchaballs. Jeremy Burr is going to continue slinging the rock all over the place here. UNTOUCHABALLS BY 12

D3:

Last Week’s Games:

Wanderers 20, Vaspian 18

Can’t Touch This 19, Let’s Get Reccked 12

Itches and Ohs 22, Bullet Club 21

Jabronies 41, Degeneration Sexxy 28

The Wanderers continue to win, and they continue to keep games close, taking a 2 point victory over Vaspian. Can’t Touch This finally gets in the win column, beating LGR. Steve Moser and company engineers a comeback victory to hand Bullet Club their first loss of the season. And the Jabronies ended up being the only D3 team to score over 30 points last week, taking out D-Sex.

This Week’s Games:

Can’t Touch This vs Degeneration Sexxy (+6) - It’s hard to pinpoint what’s wrong with D-Sex right now, because they should be better than 0-3 with that roster. It seems there’s issues on both sides of the ball for them. CTT is improving each week, and if they truly think they’re a D3 contender, they have to win this game convincingly. They won’t. DEGENERATION SEXXY BY 4

Can’t Touch This vs Vaspian (+3) - …but they will here. I’m not quite sure what Vaspian is just yet, but I think they’re more the team that lost 20-18 than the team that got blown out the week before. Vaspian has always been a great defensive team that struggles to score. CTT won’t struggle to score. CAN'T TOUCH THIS BY 4

Bullet Club vs Let’s Get Reccked (+7) - Speaking of teams I have no idea about, Let’s Get Reccked is on that list. Sometimes they look just awesome, other times they look lost. What I do know is that over the last 10 years, the Easton-led Bullet Club teams have always had great battles against the Buchlis/Baker teams in the past so this should be a doozy. Look out for BC’s new girl Kelsey by the way, she can play. BULLET CLUB BY 1 WHEN LGR GOES FOR TWO AT THE END TO WIN

Wanderers vs Itches and Ohs (EVEN) - Two D3 contenders square off as these ball control offenses do battle. Both teams march down the field and score, which means we’re looking at a low scoring game here. I’m not entirely sure who’s going to take this one, but I do think it’ll be by 2 points. I flipped a coin. ITCHES AND OHS BY 2

Jabronies vs Vaspian (+7) - Jabronies have been much better since a Week 1 loss to LGR in the wind and rain. They’ve averaged a 42-28 win in their games since, albeit against the bottom teams in the division. The Jabronies are essentially climbing the D3 ladder, they get Vaspian this week before getting to play Wanderers, Itches and Ohs (twice), and Bullet Club for a rough end to the season. They’ll need this win. JABRONIES BY 12

D4: 

Last Week’s Games:

Passing While Intoxicated 43, Buffalo Vice 25

BAADies 28, Creekers 21

Puckett All-Stars 48, Travis Henry’s Kids 18

Cunning Stunts 35, Cobblestone 26

PWI might just be good at this football thing. The reigning D5 champs moved to 2-1 on the season with an impressive win over a good Buffalo Vice team. Take away a Week 1 loss to THK, and we’re looking at a 3-0 PWI team. The BAADies did it! They won! And apparently Garrett did his best to blow that game at the end too. The Stunts also snuck by Cobblestone to give us a double gender team victory weekend. Finally, Puckett dominated THK so badly that we had reports of the “Langley blames an injury that isn’t there for his bad performance” move. Yikes. 

This Week’s Games:

Buffalo Vice vs Cobblestone (+3) - Buffalo Vice looks to get back on the winning track this week against Cobblestone. There’s nothing wrong with Vice losing to a very good PWI team, they’re still on track for a great season. I haven’t heard from Dan yet to give me the skinny on anything (Dan: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. now, thanks) Vice related yet. Cobblestone actually looks good. Darryl has a team of athletes, and when he has that, he can beat anyone. The man with the perfect hair is getting in sync with everyone on his squad and once they click, look out. But not this week. BUFFALO VICE BY 14

Travis Henry’s Kids vs Creekers (+17) - If there’s one thing THK has done over the years, it’s bounce back big after a loss. The fact that they’re getting the brand new Creekers team is only going to make that worse. This one has “Blowout of the Day” written all over it. THK has their weaknesses, namely one of the weakest female groups in the TSL, but none of that should matter here. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 20

Puckett All-Stars vs Creekers (+17) - Wait, I lied. THIS has “Blowout of the Day” written all over it. I hope for the Creekers’ sake it isn't true, but they only scored 8 against Cobblestone and then only got 21 against the BAADies’ porous defense. Now they get back to back games against teams that can score at will when they want? That 99-0 forfeit score isn’t looking too bad here. Puckett is just on fire. That’s it. That’s the tweet. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 30

Puckett All-Stars vs Cunning Stunts (+8) - Last year, the Stunts beat PAS in Week 1, and PAS never forgot about that game. They still think about it. I get the sense they’ve been waiting for this one. They’re going to look to crush the ladies here. But they won’t. The Stunts are still a smart team and with Joey Batts at the helm, they’ll consistently play smart football. As long as Joey is on, it’ll be a close game. But even still, PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 6

D5:

Last Week’s Games:

GUCCI 33, Goatsack! 27

TMA 51, Tater Tots 12

Goatsack! 24, Not So Sticky 22

Come From Behind 34, ILF 12

GUCCI 35, Long Balls 15

I was instantly told by Jeff Krol after last week’s article was released that he got a text stating that the GUCCI-Goatsack game was indeed the first meeting ever between these two long standing franchises, which I find impressive since it feels like they were playing well before I moved to Iowa. The first time they crossed paths was a good one, with GUCCI taking a 6 point win to keep Goatsack out of the win column this season. Until an hour later anyway, when they beat Not So Sticky to get that W. TMA wiped the floor with the Tater Tots, which was sort of unexpected. Come From Behind wiped the floor with ILF, which was sort of expected. And then GUCCI made it 2-0 on the day with a nice 20 point win over the Long Balls.

This Week’s Games:

Come From Behind vs Not So Sticky (+6) - These two teams played some fun matches a couple of seasons ago, and now they’re back to reignite the rivalry. NSS has been good, but not great in their D5 return, and CFB has been great, not good this season so far. The NSS offense will have no chance to keep up with the CFB offense, even though both teams play great defense. Give this one to the veterans. COME FROM BEHIND BY 8

Tater Tots vs Long Balls (+7) - The Tots seemed to have had a bad week last time out, but I’m sure they’ll put that behind them quickly. The Long Balls have had mixed results so far this season, looking bad against NSS, good against Goatsack!, and then bad again against GUCCI. Logically that means they’ll look good this week, right? No. TATER TOTS BY 10

TMA vs Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (+7) - TMA is just doing TMA things this season, which means scoring points and playing great defense. They get an ILF squad that, all jokes aside, got blindsided by their QB leaving them, and now they’re working hard to figure it out. An offense that is learning how to be an offense vs a defense that’s been a top defense for a long time isn’t a good matchup. TMA BY 13

D6:

Last Week’s Games:

Sausage McMuffins 37, Grass Eaters 31

Southside 52, Blitzkrieg 6

Pit Harade 54, Mighty Drunks 30

Two Tuddies 41, Balls Deep 14

The Sausage McMuffins continue to be a fun story in the TSL, as they moved to 3-0 with a win over the Grass Eaters. Southside rocked Blitzkrieg in a 46 point thrashing that may have Alex considering coaching in the spring too. Doesn’t seem like the real Light Red Hoodie Guy backed up his gloating email to me very well either. You hate to see it. Pit Harade looked pretty competent against the Mighty Drunks, getting their first victory. And we wrap it up with the Tud Buds just smacking around Balls Deep in an easy win. 

This Week’s Games:

Sausage McMuffins vs Blitzkrieg (EVEN) - I don’t know what happened to Blitzkrieg. Someone mentioned they might have new jerseys that are cursed. Either way, they’re going up against a completely not cursed Sausage McMuffins team that gets their first big test of the season. If the McMuffins handle business here, that matchup against Southside will be one to watch. SAUSAGE MCMUFFINS BY 8

Two Tuddies vs Back That Pass Up (+7) - How great is the Tuddies story? They joined the league a couple of seasons ago, and things didn’t go well at all. They almost folded. Then they got a new QB, new females, and things just started to click. Now they’re an outside title favorite! The Tud Buds are yet another TSL success story. They take on Back That Pass Up, which looks like someone just googled “kind of funny football team names”, but they trot out Jeff May at QB so they have some stability to start. BTPU is learning how to play offense together, and they remind me a lot of how the Tuddies started out. TSL life is cyclical like that. TWO TUDDIES BY 7

Pit Harade vs Back That Pass Up (EVEN) - BTPU gets a double header, but this time it's against Pit Harade, another new team that got their first win last week. PH is following the blueprint for how to start a team: get a bunch of nondescript guys who are okay-fine, get one good guy (Tall Bearded Guy), get a veteran QB (Nick Hawes), and then get girls who are all better than most of the guys. Rayanna, Ashley, and Jen have combined for a lot of touchdowns (Rayanna throwing three touchdowns was my most emailed information to me last weekend) and they're playing excellent defense. PH will go as far as these ladies take them. PIT HARADE BY 6

Grass Eaters vs Pit Harade (+7) - Despite the new team praise, PH then finds themselves against a Grass Eaters team that might just be too smart for D6. I know that this team is pretty much “Steve and Rylee Moser doing Steve and Rylee things” but that’s all they need in D6. If they get anything out of the rest of their roster, it's a bonus. GRASS EATERS BY 10

Balls Deep vs Mighty Drunks (+10) - The Drunks are still figuring things out but they’re led by “Kinda Tall, Good Hands” Kid, who is reported to continually make plays. Balls Deep is a little all over the place so far this season, Looking good in their win over Pit Harade, but not good at all in their loss to the Tuddies. They also hung with the McMuffins in Week 1. I don’t know what to really make of them, but the Drunks shouldn’t give them an issue. BALLS DEEP BY 17

Southside vs Balls Deep (+20) - …..but Southside sure will. Southside is too good for this division. I’m aware that historically, whenever we say that about a team after Week 3, they don’t win the title, but this team FEELS different. That bloodbath over Blitzkrieg felt like a declaration of sorts, that D6 runs through Southside and whoever steps foot against them will be punished accordingly. Balls Deep, it's your turn. SOUTHSIDE BY 22

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

• Can you be at the fields by 10? I’m serious, the game of the day will be Losing Streak vs Sticky Bandits, and you’ll want to watch this one. Who will be 4-0? Can Jordan continue to climb the power rankings? Lots of intrigue here. 

• Why haven’t we been using the original Field 2? Well, there was apparently a huge rock that was sticking out, which can only be one thing: dangerous. To avoid anyone getting hurt, we weren’t using that field. But TRAVIS gets a gold star, as I was told he single handedly dug that rock out of the ground, and filled in the hole himself. Great work TCB!

• What’s Next? Horses? Okay, shout out to the pet pig that was at the fields last weekend. And I know people have been bringing their dogs to the fields too. First off, more pictures. Secondly, remember to watch your pets. Last time we had a bunch of pets at the fields, there was an incident, and pets were banned for a bit. They’re back, so let’s make sure our furry friends can keep coming. 

• Is Topper going to finally make an appearance at the fields? The rumors are rampant that the one and only Patrick McGovern, the true Godfather of the TSL, will be back at the “THE HOUSE THAT TOPPER AND LENNY BUILT” this weekend. It isn’t finalized yet, but if he’s there, you better give him a drink. 

• WHEN IS B’S BROTHER’S HOTTEST TSL FEMALES LIST GOING TO DROP? The most important rankings that the TSL has to offer, B’s Brother’s Top 10 list, is allegedly in the works. This man is an artist, and we can’t rush him, but Jeffrey, the entire league can’t wait to see what you have cooked up. 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

• Good work to everyone refereeing this season. I haven’t been informed of one ref controversy yet, which means you’re doing great. 

• Speaking of good reffing, I heard Coach Jay has been around the fields again, which is probably why everything is running so smoothly. Shout out to Coach Jay, who was huge in helping the league continue on after we lost Lenny and Rameer. 

• Speaking of Rameer, man I miss talking to that guy. There was nothing better, more informative, or more long-winded than a Rameer e-mail about the day’s events for my next article. He was a huge reason I’ve been writing this thing from afar for so long. If you’re feeling nostalgic, go click on “The Rant” and read some of his old articles. Fuck Cancer. 

• Social media is important to the league to get the word out about us, and to get our current league members more up to date on the happenings around the league. So please, take a few seconds to follow us on Facebook (www.facebook.com/TopperSports) and Instagram (@toppers_sports_league). Tell your friends! 

• Breakfast Club Predictions:

• Komosexuals 38, The VaJennas 22

• The ASS 40, Liddle Dubs 36

• Steph Infection 47, BDSM 44

• Games of the Day: 

• 10:00 - Losing Streak vs Sticky Bandits

• 11:00 - Mavericks vs Untouchaballs

• 12:00 - Back That Pass Up vs Pit Harade

• 1:00 - Tight Ends In Motion vs Grey Hair Don’t Care

• 2:00 - Bullet Club vs Let’s Get Reccked

• 3:00 - Itches and Ohs vs Wanderers

• The current forecast for Buffalo tomorrow is looking like 75 degrees and sunny. Perfect football weather. Use your sunscreen, but also make sure you stay hydrated. That’s very important. It’s supposed to be thunderstorming with tornado warnings here in Des Moines, so I’m very jealous of you guys this week. 

• Just a reminder for the new teams out there: Don’t bring your own alcohol to the fields. I didn’t hear any reports of this happening, but it's just a reminder.  If you get caught, league officials will be forced to dump it out in front of you and ban you for a week. 

• It appears the TSL podcast will always need some guests, so if you want to be on the show, let Joe K and Jeff Krol know asap! 

• If there’s one thing you can do every week, it's to go up to a new team or some new players and make friends with them. Have a drink with them, and get them really into the spirit of the TSL. This league thrives on getting new people and characters into the bar/league and the more that people show their personalities, the better we all are. Go make friends, it’s what Lenny used to do every single week. 

Week 4 is here, and it’s shaping up to be one of the best weeks of the season weather wise, and game wise. If there were ever a week to bring new people who might want to start playing next season to the fields, this is the time. Have fun this time around.

If you need me, I’ll be in the cut. 

-GF OUT

WEEK 2 THOUGHTS, PICKS AND STUFF

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 28 April 2023 13:03

Published: Friday, 28 April 2023 13:03

Written by Jeff Krol

Hits: 1121

And we’re off! 

The Spring 2023 session of the TSL officially began last weekend, as the Race for Social Co-Ed Immortality got off to a rousing start. It was a fantastic day, if you played at 10:00. After that, I received multiple reports of wind, rain, “sideways rain from the wind”, and it was a bit chilly as the day continued. On the plus side, we finished every single game. On the minus side, it wasn’t as telling a ‘Week 1’ as it should’ve been. 

But none of that matters, because in my over ten years of doing this, I’ve come to learn that Week 1 is NEVER a good representation of how the season goes. So how is one supposed to know what was a good example of what is to come and what was just a Week 1 mirage? 

Well, you get me to tell you. My extremely keen eye has been trained over the years to accurately recognize these sorts of things. 

THINGS THAT YOU SHOULDN’T BELIEVE:

-Goatsack and Scared Hitless both got shut out this weekend, but don’t expect that trend to continue. While they were lucky enough to play in the “good” weather hours (11:00 was mostly dry?) they didn’t play *that* bad. Some end zone interceptions for Goatsack did them in (which happens against Come From Behind) and Scared Hitless was shaking off the rust, missing some people, and went up against Sticky Bandits who had just won the indoor league and were much more ready to go. 

-The Tater Tots started the season off with a loss, but I’m attributing most of that to them only having one female to start the game and Derek Pew still needing to get used to his receivers. Trying to do all of that in terrible weather means an uninspiring loss that won’t matter as time goes on. 

THINGS THAT YOU MAYBE SHOULD BELIEVE:

-Grey Hair Don’t Care looked like they’re for real last weekend, going head to head with Eyes Downtown in a close loss before dismantling Frodo Swaggins. They’ve got some new jerseys and they’re in a “look good, feel good” state of mind. 

-Let's Get Reccked was reportedly dominant over the Jabronies last weekend, and it seems like adding Buchlis and Baker to the team really has them going in the right direction. 

THINGS THAT YOU SHOULD BELIEVE:

-Wanderers showed they belonged this weekend, gutting out a tough win over Degeneration Sexxy after a close loss to Bullet Club. They’re 100% going to be in the mix for the D3 championship. 

-Southside is scary good in D6, and they should be considered the favorites to win the division from here on out. 

-Frodo Swaggins is going to be overmatched in D1.

The point of all this is simple: it doesn’t matter how good or how bad you looked in Week 1. We still have a LOT of football left for you to get better (or for everything to go really, really wrong). 

Now let’s get to the games: 

D1: 

Last Week’s Games:

Sticky Bandits 37, Scared Hitless 0

Losing Streak 22, Tight Ends In Motion 8

Eyes Downtown 27, Grey Hair Don’t Care 20

Legends 45, Frodo Swaggins 14

Grey Hair Don’t Care 40, Frodo Swaggins 10

Sticky Bandits start off hot against Scared Hitless as they cruise to an easy victory to start the season off right. Losing Streak makes a statement that they’re in this as a serious D1 contender, playing strong against a TEIM squad that is still figuring things out in their little roster shake up they had. Eyes Downtown came out victorious against a VERY spry GHDC team who looked very good in defeat, and then even better in a dominant victory over Frodo Swaggins. Things didn’t go well for Frodo at all last weekend, as they also lost to the Legends, who were starting their backup QB and still managed to put up 45 points. 

This Week’s Games:

Legends vs Sticky Bandits (EVEN) - What a way to kick off the day for the TSL! The defending outdoor champs vs the indoor champions. Both of these teams have title aspirations and they both looked very, very good last week in blowout victories. I’m expecting a very close game where the first team that blinks on offense will lose the game. For whatever reason, I feel like that’s going to be Sticky. LEGENDS BY 3

Eyes Downtown vs Frodo Swaggins (+17) - 17 points is a pretty steep line, but I’m not the one that makes the lines. Eyes Downtown looked pretty sharp last week, even in the elements. Frodo looked like a team that needs a little more time to get it together. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and being a contending D1 team takes a little more time than one week. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 15

Losing Streak vs Scared Hitless (+10) - Losing Streak looked right at home last weekend, cruising to a victory over TEIM. Scared Hitless looked pretty much the opposite of that. As I mentioned before though, Scared Hitless shouldn’t be assumed to be a cake walk. They’ve proven time and again that they sometimes start slow but if you sleep on them, you’ll get beat. They’re deserving of your respect. In this battle though, as long as Losing Streak doesn’t come into this game thinking it’ll be easy, they won’t be upset. LOSING STREAK BY 7

D2:

Last Week’s Games:

No Punt Intended 32, Untouchaballs 31

No Punt Intended 27, Mavericks 26

Untouchaballs 21, Freeballers 15

Freeballers 34, Practice Squad 29

D2 last week: 4 games, 5 teams, all one score games. Ladies and Gentlemen, D2 is going to be absolutely awesome all year. Like you, when I saw that D2 was only going to have 5 teams this year, I was bummed. It made me long for the years where D2 was the most fun division in the league. Well, we might be back to that. If every game is going to be a close one like this, where anyone can win at any time? This is going to be FUN. There are no stragglers in this division, and every team should’ve walked away last week thinking they could win the title. No Punt Intended is 2-0 after two straight one point wins over Untouchaballs and the Mavericks, who were up 26-0 at one point. The Untouchaballs went 1-1 after a close loss to NPI but they rebounded to beat the Freeballers. The Freeballers then went on to go 1-1 themselves after beating Practice Squad in PS’ D2 Debut. All of these teams are going to be better. Everyone is going to be awesome. D2 is must see Social Co-Ed Football. 

This Week’s Games:

Untouchaballs vs Mavericks (+3) - One of the least surprising reports my field spies sent me was that Jeremy Burr was DEALING last Saturday. He was VERY close to being 2-0, and there’s a good chance he spent most of the last week lamenting that loss. The Mavericks might have gotten too cocky when they got out to a big lead and that cost them in the end, so hopefully they’ve already learned not to assume that they have a game in hand. This should be fun, but I’ll roll with Burr right now. UNTOUCHABALLS BY 3

No Punt Intended vs Freeballers (+3) - NPI went to 2-0 against arguably their toughest two competitors in D2, but like I said earlier, this can be anyone’s division. If the Freeballers are for real, this is the game for them to show everyone in the TSL they can win this division. Right now, it feels like they’re a step behind, but it’s a baby step. And that baby step is what ruins them this week. NO PUNT INTENDED BY 2.

Mavericks vs Freeballers (+1) - While I don’t think any game is a “must win”, as soon as I typed “Mavericks vs Freeballers” that’s the feeling I got. Considering that I’m currently saying both of these teams are going to lose their first games, I think both teams are going to come into this one with a little more desire to get into the win column. The Freeballers don’t want to be 1-3, and the Mavericks don’t want to be 0-3. That means we’ll get some fun football here. But I think the Mavericks will pull this out. MAVERICKS BY 2.

D3:

Last Week’s Games:

Bullet Club 42, Can’t Touch This 37

Bullet Club 38, Wanderers 34

Wanderers 31, Degeneration Sexxy 28

Let’s Get Reccked 28, Jabronies 7

Bullet Club picks up where they left off last season, getting out to a 2-0 record with last minute wins over Can’t Touch This and the Wanderers. The Wanderers would go on to win a close one in their next game against Degeneration Sexxy. Let's Get Reccked handled the Jabronies pretty easily. A lot of exciting games in D3 so far, and we haven’t even seen Vaspian and Itches and Ohs play yet either. I don’t think a favorite has truly shown themselves here just yet. 

This Week’s Games: 

Bullet Club vs Vaspian (+7) - Vaspian makes a jump up to D3 after getting Drew Colosimo back on the roster after a few seasons Drew-less in D4. Their first game is against the 2-0 Bullet Club, who looked good, but not great last week. Vaspian has been known for having some very good defense, and with Travis Henry’s Kids playing at the same time as BC this week, I’d wager that they’ll be missing Pete (bad thing) and Langley (good thing). This all adds up to a Vaspian “upset” of sorts. VASPIAN BY 6

Can’t Touch This vs Jabronies (EVEN) - Both teams lost last week, but one of these teams looked good doing it. Can’t Touch This had a battle with Bullet Club and they took the lead late before giving up a late TD to lose at the end. Multiple eyewitness reports said that CTT looked really good, like they’re about to take the next step in their development. The Jabronies have the knowledge on how to be successful in this league, and maybe last week was an aberration, but until they show me otherwise, I'll just go with the trends. CAN'T TOUCH THIS BY 6

Wanderers vs Let’s Get Reccked (+3) - The Wanderers had the impressive debut that everyone thought they would. They were very close to starting out 2-0, and were as good as advertised. Let’s Get Reccked turned a few heads with a dominating win over the Jabronies after jumping up two divisions. This should be a great back and forth between two smart teams. WANDERERS BY 1

Degeneration Sexxy vs Itches and Ohs (+8) - Itches and Ohs gets back on the field this week for the first time this season. The Ohs have had mixed results in D3 so far, and things aren’t going to get any easier after losing Laura for the season. I’m not sure how they attempted to replace that productivity. They get a Degeneration Sexxy team that looked good in defeat last week, as the Kellers continue to play smart football. They still have all-world WR Katie Keller, and a host of talent for Scotty Dro to fire the ball at. DEGENERATION SEXXY BY 10

D4:

Last Week’s Games:

Buffalo Vice 38, Baadies 33

Travis Henry’s Kids 39, Cobblestone 13

Not a ton of action in D4, as only half the division had games last week. Buffalo Vice started the season off right with a win over the Baadies, who looked good in defeat. Garrett was on the TSL Podcast this week (listen on Spotify!) taking blame for the loss, but everyone already knew it was going to be his fault. Travis Henry’s Kids had an easy time navigating the elements in a win over Cobblestone, who were a bit shorthanded anyway. Still, a good start for THK. 

This Week’s Games:

Travis Henry’s Kids vs Passing While Intoxicated (+3) - THK gets a tougher test this week as they take on the defending D5 champions in PWI, who moved up to D4 this season. PWI is largely the same exact team as they were before, so it may take them a minute to adjust to the step up in competition. THK adding Aaron from TOX will turn out to pay dividends as Langley can’t possibly throw to Pete on every play. Right? TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 7

Baadies vs Passing While Intoxicated (+6) - Baadie’s Angels look to get their first win of the season after nearly capturing it a week ago. While PWI has played together for a bit, they haven’t had to play a gender team of this caliber before, and they may not be able to keep pace. The PWI Ladies are solid but none of them can really hold up with the Angels, and I expect Garrett to exploit those mismatches. BAADIES BY 13

Buffalo Vice vs Cunning Stunts (EVEN) - It’s always a good game when these two teams meet, so this should be no different. Vice gets the pleasure of getting the gender teams out of the way early in the schedule, and they usually perform very well against them regardless. I think getting the Stunts in their first game of the season will be helpful, and Vice moves to 2-0. BUFFALO VICE BY 4

Puckett All-Stars vs Baadies (+6) - Puckett was very, very good last season. They’ve had 6 months to really think about how they should’ve been D4 champions, and I think they’re coming back with a vengeance to win it all this season. I expect them to be pretty fired up for this one. They’re talented all around, and they have some sneaky good females to help them keep pace. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 3

Cobblestone vs Creekers (+6) - The Creekers are a brand new team that I don't believe have played a down yet in an organized league. Darryl Carr QB Superstar alone has played 3,259,505 snaps. The Creekers get to play football royalty off the bat, and Darryl is going to eat their “learn defense on the fly” defense up. COBBLESTONE BY 20, DARRYL WILL LOOK AWESOME

D5:

Last Week’s Games: 

Come From Behind 32, Goatsack! 0

TMA 30, Gucci 26

ILF 20, Tater Tots 13

Not So Sticky 18, Long Balls 7

D5 gave us a lot to think about. Come From Behind welcomed Goatsack to the league in a 32-0 drubbing, but reports were positive that Goatsack should be fine. CFB, meanwhile, looks like a big D5 contender this time around. TMA showed that they’re going to be just fine without half of their team as they took a close game against Gucci, who also looked really good in their return to the TSL. ILF snuck out a victory over the Tots who were still learning how to gel with their new QB. And Not So Sticky got a win as the D6 champs from the Fall welcomed the Long Balls into the league the only way they know how. Fun football. 

This Week’s Games:

Goatsack vs Long Balls (+3) - Okay, so these teams may have only combined for 7 points total last week, but Goatsack gets tons of credit for really showing up where it counts: The Bar. These teams were playing some very good D5 title contenders right out of the gate, so the view is skewed on them slightly. This should be an excellent matchup, and in this case, give me the team that’s played together for forever. GOATSACK! BY 13

Not So Sticky vs Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (+7) - With Andrew Kicak throwing for ILF, their chances of winning dramatically decline. I say this, fully knowing that they’re 1-0 right now. But Not So Sticky knows Andrew pretty well, and they’re 100% going to exploit his lack of talents this week. NOT SO STICKY BY 12, KICAK THROWS TWO PICKS. 

Come From Behind vs Tater Tots (+7) - Come From Behind is looking like the early D5 favorites, and why shouldn’t they? They have a perfect mix of old and new talent, they represent well at the bar, and they’re in the mix EVERY YEAR. This shouldn’t be a surprise. The Tater Tots start a little slow every Spring, mainly because they’ve been missing in the Fall, and they always seem to be breaking in a new QB. But once they click, watch out. I think this is another week of “figuring it out”. COME FROM BEHIND BY 9

D6:

Last Week’s Games:

Southside 43, Back That Pass Up 12

Grass Eaters 38, Mighty Drunks 15

Southside 30, Two Tuddies 20

Sausage McMuffins 12, Balls Deep 6

Week 1 cemented Southside’s status as the team to beat in D6. They took Back That Pass Up to the woodshed, before beating the Two Tuddies by double digits as well. That’s one way to make a statement, and I see you. The Grass Eaters welcomed the Mighty Drunks to the league with a loss, and the Sausage McMuffins, who I’ve been told literally have shirts with Sausage McMuffins on them (and that’s fantastic), squeaked by Balls Deep. 

This Week’s Games: 

Sausage McMuffins vs Back That Pass Up (EVEN) - Both teams played hard last week, and both teams walked away with scoring 12 points a piece. That tells me we’re going to see a bit of a defensive battle this time around, or maybe it's offensive ineptitude? I think we’ll see a pretty fun back and forth game, but when all is said and done, give me the McMuffins because it’s more fun to say. SAUSAGE MCMUFFINS BY 5

Blitzkrieg vs Pit Harade (+10) - If there’s any team that will stand up to Southside, it's going to be Blitzkrieg. It’s the Spring session, and I was so politely reminded that Alex. Is. Back. BK’s biggest issue is always “who’s going to be the QB”, but not when Alex is there. He’s the leader of the offense, and the guy who knows the secret to Blitzkrieg’s success: Throw to Light Red Hoodie Guy. Pit Harade is going to have a hell of a time in their first game against these guys. I don’t know many names on this roster, but they at least have a QB in Nick Hawes, and a nice offensive line in Joe K and Dave Walter. That probably won’t be enough. BLITZKRIEG BY 16

Blitzkrieg vs Mighty Drunks (+10) - Blitzkrieg continues to ease into the season with another new team that’s still figuring things out. BK is essentially playing their preseason games now as they stroll to 2-0. BLITZKRIEG BY 10

Balls Deep vs Pit Harade (+3) - Balls Deep might have an advantage for not being what seems like a  mostly new team here. Plus, there are Spinelli’s players all over the place in this one. Balls Deep struggled to score last week, but that may have been more due to the weather than anything. BALLS DEEP BY 3

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

• Are We Playing Football? That’s the best question yet again this week. I just checked the weather, and it looks like it’s going to rain in Buffalo all day today and tomorrow. I don’t know if the games are going to be canceled or not, and Jeff Krol has proceeded to email the captains yet again to be on standby for any alerts about the cancellation of games. I know they’ll try to get as many in as possible. 

• How was the bar scene last week? It was awesome from what I’ve been told! Many teams across many divisions stuck around and drank outside and inside. The jukebox was rocking and everyone was having a good time. Many new teams were hanging out: Goatsack, Gucci, Wanderers, while the usuals were also there: Come From Behind, everyone who played on the DILFs but they’re on other teams now, etc. Just to name a few. If these rumored bar specials show up soon, it’s only going to get better. 

• How is Breakfast Club looking? It’s looking great. The rosters I was shown are the most even across the board that we’ve had in a long time. There isn’t a stand out team that “should” dominate, and there isn’t a team that you look at and go “oh, they’re probably the worst one”. The girls did a great job drafting, and we may get the most competitive Breakfast Club ever. If you didn’t sign up this season, I’d STRONGLY encourage you to take a chance and do it in the fall. 

• How can I get on the podcast? Where do I listen? If you want your weekly dose of the TSL podcast, you can listen to it either on the website, or on Spotify. However, I’ve been told that very soon you’ll be able to listen to the podcast on a bunch of different mediums, so there’s a good chance your preferred podcast listening method will be on there. If you want to be on to talk about your game, your team, or whatever just ask Jeff Krol, Joe K, Garrett, Travis, Topper if he’s there, or whoever and they’ll get you on. The more people the better. 

• Did you sign a waiver? People who haven’t signed a waiver yet will not be allowed to play on Saturday, so quit monkeying around and get to it! 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

• Breakfast Club Predictions: 

• Liddle Dubs 24, Steph Infection 20

• The VaJennas 34, BDSM 25

• The Ash Slinging Slashers 40, Komosexuals 33

• There are a LOT of team names that have to do with Asses, Balls, etc. Let’s get a little more original here people. 

• The Games of the Day: 

• 10:00 - Legends vs Sticky Bandits

• 11:00 - Goatsack vs Long Balls

• 12:00 - Freeballers vs Mavericks

• 1:00 - ILF vs Not So Sticky

• 2:00 - BAADies vs Puckett All-Stars

• 3:00 - Degeneration Sexxy vs Itches and Ohs

• No, I don’t know if we’ll be able to get all of the games played if we get rained out. I know that the lack of an extra field really hinders that. So unless there are games at 8am (yuck) or 4pm (also yuck), or on random Thursday (might be cool?) we may just have some ties coming into play. 

• The schedule for the first week of the playoffs has been released to your captains. There will NOT be any game switching or any shenanigans associated with that. You have nearly two months to figure out how to be there. 

• Captains were also supplied with a handy dandy “what color do the other teams in my division wear?” sheet this week. One of the many improvements since Topper stopped doing as much. If you see you’re playing someone that’s wearing the same color, just have everyone bring a white (or black, or whatever) shirt with them that week. 

• Speaking of Topper, will he actually show up at the fields this week or does he have some important business things to pretend to be at? The world wants to know! 

• Congratulations to the entire league for being in B’s Brother’s presence last weekend. We can only hope to see him expertly scouting the women in the league for his future gender team once again this Saturday. 

• Apparently there were a lot of cans, bottles, and trash scattered throughout the fields last weekend. If you can help it, pick up after yourself. Animals. 

• I’ve just been informed that APPARENTLY if you have any issues with the Power Rankings committee, you’re now supposed to email me about it and I get to email Topper to send them your gripes? This should go well. If you have any issues with that, or if you want to get the correct publicity for your players, OR you have information on the games you played in, take a few minutes and email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.! Sadly, my old email (and my years of correspondence with all of you) will be going away soon. 

That's all for this week. Week 2 is upon you, and it looks like you’re going to get wet again. Have fun with that. 

-GF OUT

WEEK 3 THOUGHTS, PICKS AND STUFF

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 05 May 2023 13:34

Published: Friday, 05 May 2023 13:34

Written by Jeff Krol

Hits: 951

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, we’re already at Week 3 of the Spring 2023 session. As the calendar turns to the month of May in the Year of Our Lord 2023, it seems that the excellent football conditions are finally going to make an appearance at the fields. My super cool weather app tells me that you’ll be looking at a sunny, 67 degree day (it’ll be 81 degrees here in Des Moines, Iowa, but I’m not gloating) at the fields, which is a far cry from the windy/sort of rainy season we’ve had so far. And it arrives just in time for us as, 

historically, in my years of writing this article for the league, Week 3 is the time where things really ramp up and we truly start to see who teams are this year. The rust from winter should all be gone as most teams have played a couple of games already. Add in one of the great weekends at the bar with Cinco de Mayo (someone explain to Scott Klussman that this means “May 5th”) and the Kentucky Derby and this has all of the makings of a fantastic Football Saturday. 

But what about what we’ve seen so far? Who has surprised? Who has already disappointed? Who is completely confusing? Let’s take a look at that so far. 

GOOD NOT BAD:

-Legends with Travis throwing

-Sticky Bandits taking a 2-0 record and looking like D1 favorites

-No Punt Intended with Travis throwing

-Bullet Club jumping out to a 3-0 start

-Wanderers fitting right in

-D3 overall looking pretty great

-Stegmeier still being incredibly handsome despite reports he’s actually 72 years old

-Buffalo Vice getting off to a 2-0 start

-Puckett All-Stars just casually tossing up 62 points

-Travis Henry’s Kids if they ever find a quarterback 

-The BAADies Ladies 

-Not So Sticky doing significantly better than the last time they were in D5

-Southside killing D6 in Week 1

-Blitzkrieg killing D6 in Week 2

-Any Breakfast Club team that scores 38 points

BAD NOT GOOD:

-Legends with Joey Batts throwing

-Sean throwing in Breakfast Club (these two are related)

-Bobby allowing his team to not show up, makes them run more laps at both practices this week

-The TSL QB Power Rankings Committee for ranking Jordan too low

-B’s Brother not coming up with a brand new TSL’s “Hottest Ladies” list despite promising it

-Scared Hitless already trying to drop to D2 midseason (allegedly) 

-Tight Ends In Motion. That's it. That’s the tweet. 

-The Freeballers, unsurprisingly.

-Scotty Dro bailing on Degeneration Sexxy for them to get to 0-2

-The BAADies Quarterback

-Gender teams overall (0-4 so far, mostly Garrett’s fault)

-The lower half of D6

KIND OF NOT SURE YET:

-Losing Streak. Looks good, but have only played bums so far. 

-Mike Thomas as the #1 QB overall? 

-Practice Squad figuring it out for playoffs again?

-Let's Get Reccked a D3 contender? 

-Should Vaspian have jumped up to D3? 

-Literally everything about D5

-Is D6 just going to be Blitzkrieg vs Southside? 

-Will any of the “New Teams” emerge?

-Is Jeff Krol ruining the TSL already? 

As you can see, there are a lot of things still undetermined so early in this season, but we’re really starting to get a sense of where things are headed, which can only mean one thing: By June, all of this will be completely different, as it always is. 

Before we get into the games, I wanted to put this out there for people as well. As most of you know, Breakfast Club is our fun little draft league that plays at 9am every week. We have female captains that draft the teams and it's a TON of fun. These captains make lots of bets on the games every week to add to the fun. This week, when BDSM takes on The Ash Slinging Slashers, the losing captain is going to donate $50 to the Center for Handicapped Children (www.chclearningcenter.org) and already people on their teams and in the league are joining in the donation. If you’d like to be a part of the TSL donation here and chip in, you can find Ashley or Becca and tell them you want to be a part of it. If you have absolutely zero idea who those two ladies are, you can find Jeff Krol, Travis, Joe K, or really anyone you think might be “important” to the league and they’ll make sure whatever your donation is gets to the right place. This isn’t mandatory or expected, but the league asked me to let everyone know in case others wanted to help out as well. Shout out to Ashley and Becca for turning a fun BC bet into something good for others. 

Onto the games…

D1:

Last Week’s Games: 

Sticky Bandits 29, Legends 22

Frodo Swaggins 37, Eyes Downtown 29

Losing Streak 48, Scared Hitless 12

D1 was plenty interesting last weekend. Sticky Bandits assert their dominance over the Legends, and get a big win that will definitely play a role in playoff seeding. Eyes Downtown was a bit short handed apparently, which led to a quite surprising Frodo victory. Meanwhile, Losing Streak does Scared Hitless no favors, and quadruples their score on the way to an easy victory. 

This Week’s Games: 

Sticky Bandits vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+10) - Sticky is on a roll. They won indoor. They beat the Legends. They haven’t seemed to miss a beat despite losing two top females. Mike Thomas is ranked #1 overall in the QB rankings. What can’t they do? Well, I’ll tell you. They can’t lose to Grey Hair Don’t Care. GHDC had an awesome Week 1, and they’ll make this a game, but Sticky is too hot right now. STICKY BANDITS BY 8

Frodo Swaggins vs Tight Ends In Motion (EVEN) - A true TSL “Pick ‘em” game, as both teams are still finding themselves this season. TEIM looked discombobulated the last time we saw them on the field, and I don’t think a week off helped that. Frodo shook off a rough Week 1 to get a marquee win over Eyes Downtown (regardless of who ED had there), and they’re looking kinda nice. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 2

Eyes Downtown vs Losing Streak (+3) - I’m assuming that Eyes Downtown will have everyone in attendance this week, and they should be ready to play their best after last weekend’s “hiccup”. Okay Jordan, here it is. You want that respect? You want to move up the QB rankings? Win this one. It’ll go a long way for you. After that, all you have left to do is beat Sticky and Legends. Should be easy, right? No, it won’t be, but I’m still a believer anyway. LOSING STREAK BY 7

Legends vs Scared Hitless (+17) - The Legends should be good and mad about last week’s loss to Sticky, and they’re going to take it out on poor Scared Hitless. I’m not trying to be too hard on SH, because they’ve proven that the regular season doesn’t matter once you get to the playoffs. I was just really hoping to not have to see them struggle through another season before turning it up. This game against a bitter Legends won’t help them. LEGENDS BY 20 IF TRAVIS THROWS, BY 3 IF JOEY PLAYS

D2:

Last Week’s Games:

Untouchaballs 28, Practice Squad 23

No Punt Intended 38, Freeballers 20

Mavericks 40, Freeballers 25

Not much to write home about. Despite me thinking all D2 teams were going to compete, It’s looking more and more like a No Punt Intended - Untouchaballs - Mavericks kind of division. Practice Squad is close, and we’ve learned that they “figure things out”, so don’t be surprised if they’re there by season’s end. Freeballers are already 1-3, and it looks like another typical “Freeballers have talent but never put it together and they disappoint” type season from them. 

This Week’s Games:

Mavericks vs Practice Squad (+7) - Practice Squad is 0-2, but they’re keeping games close. That tends to mean a team is a play or two away from turning things around. The Mavericks have looked quite comfortable in D2 so far, and they’re keeping pace with NPI in the Points For department. It’s very reasonable they win this whole thing. Big Mike already has 4 touchdowns (Thanks Jordan!) and let’s give a shout out to Kira, who’s speed rushing had kept QB’s in check. MAVERICKS BY 3

Mavericks vs Freeballers (+7) - On the plus side, the Freeballers get a Mavericks team that’s coming off a game, so they’ll be fresher. I want to believe that the Freeballers will use my words as inspiration and show up here, but I’ve come to realize that they never do. MAVERICKS BY 16

D3:

Last Week’s Games:

Bullet Club 37, Vaspian 12

Jabronies 43, Can’t Touch This 28

Wanderers 39, Let’s Get Reccked 38

Itches and Ohs 38, Degeneration Sexxy 21

Bullet Club continues to roll in D3, easily dispatching of Vaspian in their debut. The Jabronies rebounded from a Week 1 loss to LGR with a nice win over Can't Touch This who continue to be OH SO CLOSE to breaking out I feel. I said before the season the Wanderers were must see TV, and it was supposed to be because they’re a flowing offense that knows each other. It wasn’t supposed to be because every single game they play is incredibly close and coming down to the wire. Big win yet again for the Tie Dye Terrors. Itches and Ohs show up and defeat DX, quieting the preseason rumors that they’d be lost without Laura. 

This Week’s Games:

Wanderers vs Vaspian (+10) - Lose by 4, Win by 3, Win by 1. That’s a hell of a start for the Wanderers who get to take on a Vaspian team that just had a pretty rough start. Vaspian is including new pieces on offense, and once they get more reps, they should be fine. But today is not that day. Fire up Dion on the jukebox. WANDERERS BY 14

Let's Get Reccked vs Can’t Touch This (+7) - LGR moved up to D3 because of Baker and Alex joining the team. Those two players alone have arguably 12,503 combined games played in their careers, and they’ve seen it all. It’s because of that experience that they know how to shift defenses to shut down and offense, and vice versa. They’re just simply hard to play against, and Can’t Touch This might just be too “new” (even after what? 5 seasons now?) to overcome that. LETS GET RECCKED BY 12

Bullet Club vs Itches and Ohs (+8) - After their win last week, perhaps it's time for us to stop talking about who Itches and Ohs don’t have, and remember who they DO have. Steve Moser is still one of the best football minds in the game. He takes his time and can slow down an opposing offense with his own offense. Bullet Club has been good, but a mistake or two could lead them to an upset. ITCHES AND OHS BY 2

Jabronies vs Degeneration Sexxy (+3) - Here are two teams that are still trying to figure things out overall, but last week everything clicked for the Jabronies while DS had a rough go of it. These two teams match up pretty well, but in the end I think the matchup advantage of the DS ladies will be the difference. DEGENERATION SEXXY BY 7

D4:

Last Week’s Games:

Travis Henry’s Kids 32, Passing While Intoxicated 26

Passing While Intoxicated 41, BAADies 36

Buffalo Vice 48, Cunning Stunts 26

Puckett All-Stars 62, BAADies 24

Cobblestone 36, Creekers 8

THK nearly blows a lead to PWI but holds on for the victory as they sit atop the standings in D4 despite playing John Langley at QB still. PWI responded to the loss with a big win of their own over the BAADies, who would proceed to get trounced by Puckett later on in the day. Don’t worry ladies, everyone knows it's your QB. Speaking of bad QBs, Joey Batts looked awful (according to eyewitness reports) in a Stunts loss to Buffalo Vice who are on a nice little roll to start the season. Finally, Darryl and friends gave a rude welcome to the league to the Creekers with a masterful quarterbacking game to give Cobblestone the win. 

This Week’s Games:

Buffalo Vice vs Passing While Intoxicated (EVEN) - This is going to be a pretty great game, and it's one to make sure you watch if you’re at the fields. PWI has looked right at home in D4, and they’re getting another test with Buffalo Vice. Vice has looked dominant at times this year, but they also only beat the gender teams who are not at their best just yet. A good test for both teams, but give me the defense of Vice to slow PWI down. BUFFALO VICE BY 8

BAADies vs Creekers (+10) - Despite all of the mocking of Garrett, at the end of the day he knows how to win games and his girls are superstars. Losing to Vice, PWI, and Puckett isn’t actually unheard of. The Creekers are brand spankin’ new to the league, and going up against a gender team full of stars isn’t a recipe for new team success. The Angels dust off the losses and pick up a big win here to get on the right track. BAADIES BY 22

Puckett All-Stars vs Travis Henry’s Kids (+3) - A potential D4 championship preview in Week 3? Nice. Puckett walked onto the fields last weekend shouting “ALLOW ME TO REINTRODUCE MYSELF” before dropping 62 on the BAADies. They’re locked in and ready to run through D4 for this title. Not so fast. THK has figured some things out too, and with Pistol Pete on their side they can beat anyone. This should be a good game, but in the end, I foresee THK’s Achilles heel (their ladies) not being able to keep up and Puckett pulling away late. PUCKETT ALL STARS BY 9

Cunning Stunts vs Cobblestone (+7) - An absolute whopper of a QB matchup with Darryl Carr QB Superstar taking on Joey Batts. Darryl’s team looks better than it has in recent years, and at some point the talent he surrounds himself with is going to have to step up and make themselves known in the league. However, all jokes aside, Joey has been the best QB in the TSL under 5’3 of all time. He’s getting older now, so last week, I assume, he had to shake off his own rust. The Stunts are never happy when they lose, so look for them to really get it together this week. CUNNING STUNTS BY 18

D5:

Last Week’s Games:

Long Balls 35, Goatsack! 28

Tater Tots 32, Come From Behind 24

Not So Sticky 15, ILF 14

D5 gave us some close contests across the board in some really even matchups. The Long Balls just snuck by Goatsack, in a battle of two new (to us) TSL teams. The Tater Tots figured out whatever was wrong the week before and took it to Come From Behind, re-announcing to the division that they’re here to take the crown and last week was an aberration. Not So Sticky used former ILF player Carly (who was deemed not good enough for his team by Andrew Kicak) to score the game winning point over the Falcons. 

This Week’s Games:

GUCCI vs Goatsack! (EVEN) - I don’t know for sure, but I’m assuming this isn’t the first time these two teams have met, given their long histories elsewhere. If it’s the first time ever, someone let me know. Two co-ed football flagship franchises face off at the Rose Garden for the first time ever, and it’ll be great to watch. So if you’re at the fields at 11:00, pull up a chair and hang out. You’re witnessing history. I predict both teams put on a show. GUCCI BY 1

Tater Tots vs TMA (+3) - Two long time rivals clash yet again as the Tots and TMA battle it out on the field this week. Granted, this rivalry has lost some of its luster this time around (see: no Prim to make people mad) as the Tots have new players, and TMA has lost half of theirs this season. Either way, we’re going to see some good football and that’s what matters here. TATER TOTS BY 3

Not So Sticky vs Goatsack! (+3) - Not So Sticky might be 2-0, but they’re not doing it by wowing people on offense, as they’ve only scored 18 and 15 points in their victories. Throwing out the pouring rain game, Goatsack looks pretty efficient on offense so far, but their defense leaves a bit to be desired. If Goatsack can shore up that defense, they can take this game, but I have to see it first before I bet on them. NOT SO STICKY BY 2

Come From Behind vs Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (+10) - CFB is coming off a close loss last week against the Tots, but at the end of the day their offense (and defense!) is still top notch in D5, while ILF is lacking in the offense department. Unless ILF can force 2+ turnovers, CFB should walk away with this one. COME FROM BEHIND BY 13

GUCCI vs Long Balls (EVEN) - The Long Balls were impressive in their win last week over Goatsack, as they’re starting to “figure things out” in the TSL. Their reward is going up against another long time Social Co-Ed Football Franchise in GUCCI, and their All-World/All-Awesome QB Kelly Kane. GUCCI will provide the Long Balls with a different dynamic than they’ve seen so far and it’ll depend on how well they adjust in game if they’re going to win. My guess? They won’t. GUCCI BY 9

D6:

Last Week’s Games:

Sausage McMuffins 38, Back That Pass Up 34

Blitzkrieg 41, Pit Harade 8

Blitzkrieg 43, Mighty Drunks 19

Balls Deep 35, Pit Harade 23

Last week’s D6 action was telling, as Blitzkrieg made their season debut and proceeded to wipe the floor with some of the new teams in the TSL, averaging 42 points scored, as they have stability at QB with long time stud Alex back for the Spring. Sausage McMuffins moved to 2-0 with a solid victory over the Jeff May-led BTPU. Balls Deep went up against Pit Harade and after some early back and forth, they pulled away as Payton Spinelli grabbed the victory over his former QB in Nick Hawes. 

This Week’s Games:

Grass Eaters vs Sausage McMuffins (+3) - A battle of some early undefeated teams here, as the McMuffins take on what is essentially “Steve and Rylee”. That's a pretty good combo to have in D6 however, and I’ll give GE the nod based on that alone. GRASS EATERS BY 2

Blitzkrieg vs Southside (EVEN) - Well, we’re getting this juicy matchup early. Southside got to 2-0 by beating up teams in Week 1, and Blitzkrieg got to 2-0 by beating up teams in Week 2. Its an early season matchup that will probably decide the #1 seed later on. This game matters. If Southside wants to win, they’ll need to slow down Light Red Hoodie Guy who had a whopping 7 TDs last week WITHOUT THE HOODIE. He is NOT to be confused with “Light Red Hoodie Decoy Guy” who wore the magical hoodie for reasons I still am working on figuring out. More on this deception as it becomes available. BLITZKRIEG BY 3

Mighty Drunks vs Pit Harade (EVEN) - Both teams are 0-2. Both teams have similar points for (34 for MD, 31 for PH) and similar points against (81 for MD, 76 for PH). Both teams are pretty new with some veterans sprinkled on the rosters. Both teams have had a couple of bright spots. Both teams have looked completely brand new to sports at times. This is about as even a game as you’re going to get in D6. I’m contractually obligated to pick one, so give me the one with the QB who routinely throws up 40+ points in Nick Hawes. PIT HARADE BY 3 BUT THEY’LL PROBABLY TIE. 

Balls Deep vs Two Tuddies (EVEN) - The Tud Buds are back after a week off, and they’ll be getting a Balls Deep team that looked pretty good last week. The Tuddies held their own against Southside in Week 1, and if they keep playing how they have been since the second half of last season, they should be able to beat a team that is still gelling a little bit. TWO TUDDIES BY 7

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

• With the weather finally not a factor (hopefully), who should look better than they have? Truthfully, Scared Hitless isn’t as bad as they’ve looked. Roster changes in D1 are harder to just “deal with” as fast, and when you add in terrible weather, you get exactly what you’ve been seeing. Don’t underestimate them. 

• Who’s going to make a statement this week? It’s gotta be Losing Streak and Jordan right? It feels like a movie: he goes to D1 a few seasons ago, it goes poorly, he goes on sabbatical and recollects himself, and makes his glorious return looking better than ever. I’m just not sure if this is the “triumph” or the “hiccup along the way”. Also, look out for the gender teams to really get things going this week. 

• Who’s been the biggest surprise so far this year? These hot starts typically end poorly for teams, but I think we’ll go with Buffalo Vice. They’ve just handled business very well for themselves and already got over the issues they sometimes have had with gender teams. I don’t think they’re going anywhere in D4. 

• So then, way too early but at least you’ve seen some games now championship predictions? Of course. Sticky Bandits, The Untouchaballs, Let's Get Reccked, Travis Henry’s Kids, Tater Tots, Blitzkrieg. All of these will be wrong. 

• Team with the bad start that should turn it around for sure? The BAADies are currently ranked 52nd out of 52 teams. They have a collection of some of the best girls in the league. They have the core of some amazing Matty’s Angels teams that used to routinely dunk on people. They’ve scored 31 points a game on average. Once they get their groove back on defense, look out. 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

• You’re going to get sunburned. Prepare accordingly. 

• Breakfast Club predictions: 

• Steph Infection 38, The VaJennas 33

• Komosexuals 38, Liddle Dubs 30

• The Ash Slinging Slashers 38, BDSM 20

• Here are your Games of the Day: 

• 10:00 - Buffalo Vice vs Passing While Intoxicated

• 11:00 - Tater Tots vs TMA

• 12:00 - Blitzkrieg vs Southside

• 1:00 - Eyes Downtown vs Losing Streak

• 2:00 - Balls Deep vs Two Tuddies

• 3:00 - Puckett All-Stars vs Travis Henry’s Kids

• Fun heads up: ROSTERS ARE OFFICIALLY LOCKED. You can’t add new people, so don’t ask. 

• If you’re trying to get your 4 games in for reffing so you can play on two teams in the fall, don’t wait. Expecting to get 4 games the last week of the season is going to go terribly for you.

• Captains, get better at informing your players of league happenings. Topper/Krol have always just emailed you with the expectation that you’ll inform your players of things like “if you want to play on two teams, you can ref 4 games”, “we’ll be having a dunk tank this week”, “there’s a website that has weekly articles and a league podcast for you to check out”, etc. We’re finding more and more people aren’t getting informed of league happenings. We can’t email all 600 players, so it's up to you to help. 

• Shoutout to the Angry Buffalo bar staff for being incredibly accommodating (so I’ve heard) to the league so far this season. It’s great hearing that brand new teams are hanging out for a while. At the end of the day, that's what this is all about anyway. 

• I have yet to hear one real complaint about people being jerks or anything this season so far. Obviously this has to do with Topper not being around causing trouble. 

• Three teams that really need a win this week: Freeballers, Goatsack!, and BAADies. 

• Remember, if you want your team to get its due, you can email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. Let me know who’s rocking out on your team. And apparently you’re supposed to send me QB Power Rankings stuff too now, which is new. 

The Race For Social Co-Ed Football Immortality has entered May! We’re in full swing, and I’m excited to see how this week shakes out. 

What’s YOUR Ranking? 

-GF OUT

WEEK 1 THOUGHTS, PICKS AND STUFF

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 21 April 2023 16:28

Published: Friday, 21 April 2023 16:28

Written by Jeff Krol

Hits: 1405

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, your wait is over. On Saturday, April 22nd in the Year of Our Lord 2023, after six long months, the reigning, defending, undisputed, best Social Co-Ed Football Experience of all time, the TSL, will return! Starting tomorrow, 52 teams across 7 competitive divisions will descend upon the Lenny Alba Fields behind The Angry Buffalo @ The Rose Garden as the Race For Social Co-Ed Football Immortality begins anew. 

For those of you that don’t know me, I’m The Godfather. For nearly 12 years I’ve provided the TSL with expert insights, nearly flawless game predictions, and perhaps spilled the tea about the behind the scenes stuff going on in the league. I used to play in the league many moons ago, but unfortunately life has taken me in a different direction: Des Moines, Iowa. I live in my log cabin with my family here, and in an effort to stay a part of the league, I’ve been writing this article. (Okay, and maybe I have a journalism degree I’m not using, so this sort of justifies it to me as well.) It used to be a lot easier to do this, as Lenny, Rameer, Topper, and a host of other super secret league informants used to send me TONS of information that made writing this article a breeze. 

Now, due to the tragic losses the TSL has been through the last few years, most of the information I get comes from you, the players of the league. It’s really simple. If you have someone on your team that’s just balling out, and deserves recognition? You email me and tell me about them. If there’s a secret B’s Brother love triangle forming between him and two other ladies of the league? You give me that info immediately. If you want to call out Bobby McConnell for being a weirdo before your big game against him? This is the place (Hey Jonny Football!). The point is, I love chatting with league members, whether they’re the captain of a juggernaut D1 squad, or the D6 guy who’s new to the league that got Mossed by one of our amazing females that we have here. Give me all the information, and you’ll get the publicity you seek. 

So about a week ago it was time to start warming up for this article. It’s always a highly sought after publication after all, I go to sign into my email and see who messaged me over the offseason (There’s usually a few of you that pop in to say hello). And the craziest thing happened. I couldn’t sign in to my mailbox. Figuring Topper had to reset my password over the winter or something, I reached out to him only to find that my old email has been shut down. For super important Topper legal reasons, apparently, we’re having to move websites and stuff. And that means I have to move my email address. I don’t like change, but here we are. So from here on out, if you’re going to email me, I’ll need you to reach out to me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. 

I know, I don’t like it either, but as always, go yell at Topper. And if Topper isn’t there, go yell at Travis Cleavenger-Bernal, because most of the league already loves yelling at him anyway. Change is scary, but it’s not all bad. I’ve spent the last week talking to Topper and Jeff Krol a lot about everything and there’s still some cool things happening. Topper isn’t gone forever (as evidenced by the photos he was sending me of him at the recent Breakfast Club draft), so calm down. And yeah, Jeff is taking the lead on all things that Topper doesn’t want to do anymore like emailing captains, setting up the waiver system, etc, etc. I guess there’s a new website on the way, and maybe even a new logo and other fun surprises. If anything, things will be significantly more efficient around the TSL, and Topper will be free to start up his own winery, but in reality he’ll just get another dog or two and still have pool parties for league members. 

What else do we need to touch on? Ah yes, B’s Brother should be back in full force. I believe Cookie and Elmo both signed long term contract extensions as well. The Breakfast Club is back and the teams look about as even as they ever have! The league has seen some interesting roster shuffling, we actually have a full D1, and some WNY Social Co-Ed Football Legends have finally joined the TSL. The podcast will be back, so if you want to be on the show, let someone know! The TSL QB Power Rankings Committee will be back. There is talk that The Sentinel may not have renewed their contract this season, so if you’re in the mood to write a weekly article (or even just one) that we toss up on the website with your own thoughts on everything, let Jeff, Travis, Joe K, Garrett, Elmo, B’s Brother, 40 Year Plan Guy, Topper, Langley, or whoever else seems moderately important to you know, and we can make it happen. This league runs on its players, so your help will always be welcomed. 

That is a lot of nonsense. And we haven’t even gotten into what you’re really all here for: the football and my expert analysis. So, let’s get to it. 

D1:

Championship Odds: 

Legends (4-1)

Eyes Downtown (4-1)

Sticky Bandits (6-1)

Tight Ends In Motion (10-1)

Losing Streak (12-1)

Scared Hitless (20-1)

Frodo Swaggins (25-1)

Grey Hair Don’t Care (100-1)

Preseason Hype: Yes, you’re seeing this correctly. The toughest division in Social Co-Ed Football is back to heights we haven’t seen in years! After a few “weak” years with only 6 teams, D1 is back up to 8 teams, and for the most part we realistically have 5-6 teams that can definitely win this thing. We’ll start at the top with the Legends. Travis Cleavenger-Bernal has been Rameer Reincarnated with his ability to steal other teams’ best players the last few seasons as the Legends ran over a historically weak D1. But now, like any team in a championship window, he’s losing players as Chris Nelson has left, Boccio claims to be “not playing” (which is code for “Diana doesn’t want me to get hurt before the wedding”, which is ironic considering her current state), and I think I was just told that Heather is moving away from the area. Tough losses, so of course Travis went out and signed Melanie Linsmair and Shbend to cover the losses. The Legends aren’t as good as they’ve been in the past, and the competition around them is better. The point? D1 is wide open. Sensing the blood in the water, Bobby has more than likely spent all winter forcing his team to practice so they can be at their best once the season kicks off. Yes, he’s insane, but at the same time he knows what he’s doing. As long as he gets his teammates to drink the Kool-Aid, ED will always be dangerous. Bobby is blessed with talented females around him like Kayla Voss, Mackenzie Neary, and Emily Belfield. And then his males are as good as anyones with Delecki, Ben Stack, and Nick Angelo, just to name a few. Blase LaDuca is there for some reason too, I’ll assume he offered to pay the entire team fee or something. The Sticky Bandits won the winter league this offseason, and they’re looking to ride that momentum into a D1 championship. While they boast the same talented and fast males they always have (Dean, Brian, Adrian, Kevin Zack…how do you cover all that speed? You don’t.), the big news out of Sticky Nation is that they’re down Christine Krol and Laura Streeter this season as both are on the IR with “Pregnancy”. Nothing kills a D1 title run faster than conception, that’s for sure. But fear not, Sticky was just fine in indoor leaning on the perennially underrated and underestimated Nicole Sharick shouldering the load. They still have Missy Keem as well, and they added Brandy Clarke and a “starting the season on the IR but might be back?” Misty Himes as well. That’s how you supplement your roster, folks. Tight Ends In Motion is back for more fun, but they’re not your father’s TEIM. Word is that Bro Kleckler is no longer throwing, which is a shame, but there’s no way they make that call without a better replacement plan in place, right? RIGHT? TEIM still boasts super tall Derek and a couple of Daves, not to mention arguably the best females top to bottom on the roster. Katie, Cheryl, Lindsey, Margo, and Emma are just all studs, and whoever shows up should give TEIM an advantage. Losing Streak returns after a sabbatical back home. Apparently, winning by 86 every week loses its luster, and Jordan has returned to capture a D1 title. And he’s got some friends with him. You know the usual names: Ralph, Keyon, Chris Nelson. But Jordan got what eluded him last time: a stable of talented females. He got all world female Robin Makula out of “sort of” retirement, he plucked Crystal Carlson from her team, and he has Britney Matthews as well. That was what he was missing last time, and Losing Streak has a real chance to take the D1 crown. Scared Hitless stays in D1 after some arguably mixed results last season. Good for them. Even though they lost Mel to Legends, SH still trots out some excellent females (Jaimie Warren? Cat? Molly? Carly? Pfft, they’ll be just fine) and as long as Rawdog doesn’t screw anything up for them, the males are very, very good as well. As always, it comes down to QB play. Dylan Day proceeds to be the deciding factor in most games for Scared Hitless, and when he’s on, SH can beat anyone. But when he’s off, and people miss games, they look out of place. This team has arguably the biggest gap between their floor and ceiling of any D1 teams. They’re the true wild card of the division. Frodo Swaggins comes strutting into D1 after a relatively easy D2 title win last Fall. Garrett has been pretty damn good as he transitions from washed up WR to “extending my playing career” QB. This team is tall, with CJ and Blake Fisher, and they got Josh Schnieder to turn in his Sticky jersey to stay with Frodo. John Costa has been in the gym, so you know he’s ready. Garrett has pretty much overturned his females this season, going out and getting Katie Swanson from Spinelli’s (who have broken up for this season), and names I’ve never heard before like Sarah Coatsworth and Tori Leighbody. There’s zero way Garrett gets them to play if they can’t ball out though, right? There’s a lot of question marks here, and it FEELS like this might be a learning season, and we’ll see some real good football in the fall. Finally, Grey Hair Don’t Care might be a little out of their league this time around. Yes, Amber Hay is an All-Star. Yes, Nick Voss can change a game. Yes, George Lombardo is underrated. But there are a lot of names here that I don’t know, and whispers have started that Dave Eickhoff is starting to lose it a little. So unless Dylan is there to throw, which I doubt he is, This team is a step behind for sure. If Dave starts off rough, look for a QB Controversy to develop. 

Preseason Prediction: D1 is fun again. That’s the prediction. I don’t think we’ll see a tremendous gap between the top 2 teams and everyone else or something. When the smoke clears however, I think you’ll be seeing Losing Streak taking the title from the Legends in the final. They’ve patched up their biggest holes, they’ve learned a bit more, and as long as Jordan keeps his composure, they can do this. 

This Week’s Games:

Sticky Bandits vs Scared Hitless (+7) - Sticky is coming off a very good indoor session, and they’re the more complete team right now. A perfect team to start the season against when you’re working in new players. I’m sure that had nothing to do with Krol making the schedule. Nope. Scared Hitless will take this to really shake off the rust from the winter, but they’ll keep it close. STICKY BANDITS BY 4

Losing Streak vs Tight Ends In Motion (EVEN) - Pretty big matchup out of the gate, but that’s what we’re going to see weekly in D1. Overall, i think TEIM is a little better (ignore the prediction), but working in a new QB against a team that has played together for forever isn’t the best start. LOSING STREAK BY 9

Legends vs Frodo Swaggins (+14) - It’s a hell of a welcome to D1 for Frodo to take on the Legends out of the gate, but I can also imagine Garrett not wanting it any other way. If you really want to see what your team needs to work on this season, going up against the Gold Standard right away is a quick way to find your holes. And if Garrett does anything, it’s find holes. LEGENDS BY 10

Eyes Downtown vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+17) - Both of these teams will wear grey, i just know it. Bobby, wear the red ones. ED was apparently a well oiled machine in the indoor league, and I was told GHDC struggled a bit. I hope to be wrong, but GHDC doesn’t feel like they’re on the same level here. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 22

Frodo Swaggins vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+6) - Double header to start the season for both teams, that’s always fun. Neither team will be rested at all when you consider they’ll both get a top contender in the division the hour before. This game won’t be a complete test for either side. It’ll come down to the wire in this one. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 3

D2:

Championship Odds:

No Punt Intended (4-1)

Mavericks (5-1)

Untouchaballs (7-1)

Practice Squad (8-1)

Freeballers (20-1)

Preseason Hype: D2 is just, weird. We only got 5 teams into this division, largely as a result of it no longer being “D1 lite” as the D1 worthy teams moved up, and then we had some sad departures from the league this time around (RIP Dilfs). After the smoke has cleared, however, we get No Punt Intended looking like the front runners here. NPI was pretty damn good the last time we saw them, and adding TCB and getting the return of Casey Lawler means good luck to the other squads that try to keep up with her and Amber. That’s a LOT of speed. The Mavericks come in as a new team that allegedly has some pretty good talent on it. There are definitely some names on this roster (Manny Batcho, Ant Cordova) that I’ve heard before, so Jordan’s D2 team looks to have some firepower as well. I’m positive Jordan will email me more about the others on his roster so I have more to say later on. So it’ll be fine. The Untouchaballs are here, and they have Jeremy Burr throwing the ball to what seems to be the same team they’ve had. That isn’t meant to be a slight, the UTs have been very good for quite some time and they’ll 100% be in the mix for a title. Tell me if you’ve heard this before: Practice Squad won their division last season, and moved up. PS has made the long climb from D6, but they’re checking all of the boxes along the way. They won D3 last season from the 8 seed, furthering the proof that once B figures out the faster defenses, they can beat anyone. The team is largely the same (B, Kelly, Renee, and about 52 dudes named Kyle), only losing Jamie McCabe to Untouchaballs. PS has a very, very good chance to win yet another title, and at this point, I wouldn’t be surprised to see them in D1 in the fall. And finally, the Freeballers. They got a bit better this offseason, adding Adrian Cannon and a returning Brittany Clarke to the team, which can only help. They’re talented, for sure, but they still feel like they’re a bit behind the other teams. On the plus side, I didn’t put them at 100-1 this time. 

Preseason Prediction: At the end of the day, B’s Brother once again inspires Practice Squad to yet another championship, as they upset No Punt Intended in the finals. 

This Week’s Games:

No Punt Intended vs Untouchaballs (+3) - NPI looks to finish what they started last season as they loaded up for a title run. But the Untouchaballs have the better QB and arguably the best female on the field in Melanie. This is the potential Game of the Day right here. NO PUNT INTENDED BY 1, BURR FURIOUS ABOUT A REF CALL THAT “COST HIM THE WIN”.

No Punt Intended vs Mavericks (EVEN) - A team coming off a game against a brand new team looking to make a statement in their first game in the TSL. Always a good mix. I’ll take the team looking to make noise this time around. MAVERICKS BY 5

Untouchaballs vs Freeballers (+7) - With the Untouchaballs fired up about losing the first game by a point, they proceed to take it out on the Freeballers who just always feel disjointed and like they’re figuring it out until about midseason when they win two games they shouldn’t have and get people (it’s me, I’m people) thinking they can win it all. UNTOUCHABALLS BY 10

Practice Squad vs Freeballers (+3) - This should be a pretty good matchup for sure. Despite me selecting PS for the eventual D2 championship, they’ve started slow in recent seasons (of course me saying that will only fire them up and I’ll prove myself wrong now) as they adjust to another new division. FREEBALLERS BY 3

D3: 

Championship Odds: 

Wanderers (3-1)

Bullet Club (5-1)

Jabronies (8-1)

Degeneration Sexy (11-1)

Can’t Touch This (15-1)

Itches and Ohs (22-1)

Let’s Get Reccked (30-1)

Vaspian (35-1)

Preseason Hype: It happened. After 27 years, and 3,258 championships in other leagues, the Wanderers have FINALLY, FINALLY, FINALLY accepted my long standing weekly invitation to join the TSL to see where they stand here. This team has been a well oiled machine for decades, and while they’re a bit older, and changed a few parts (I’m sure) they’re still a force to be reckoned with. They’ll have to take a second or two to adjust to the TSL game (not having 4 minutes to throw, for example) but once they do, look out. D3 might be a little too low for them, but it’s smart for them to figure out the game first and then move up. I can’t wait. Bullet Club comes back pretty much completely intact from last season’s 7-2 team. They’re just solid to great all around, and they still have the division’s best player in Pistol Pete. Losing Crystal will sting, but hopefully the new girls on the roster can be a bright spot and help overcome that loss. The Jabronies have always been a good team when they play. Despite Eric Klecker’s hatred of potted plants, he loves playing good football. This team has a few names I’ve seen before like Mike McKenrick and the underrated Lindsey West, and with Joe Miano throwing, they’ll be a tough out each week. Degeneration Sexy is this year’s version of “The Kellers”. They picked up a couple of the defunct Dilfs (still sad) like Kellie Mazur and Valerie Bernal, so they’ve only gotten better. Assuming they make the correct choice and have Scott Sr. throwing over Scotty Dro, they can easily contend for the title. Can't Touch This seems to be the same team, but that’s a good thing. They’re still relatively new to the league and continuity can only help them. Ryan throws the ball about as far as anyone in the league, and their skill guys and the ladies keep improving. They’re a chic pick for “Most Improved” team this year. Itches and Ohs will always keep you honest, but this is looking like a down year for Steve Moser and company. Yes, Rylee and Lauren are very good players, but losing Laura is like the Vikings losing Justin Jefferson. All of their guys are “fine” to “good” but nobody really stands out. Feels like a season where Steve yells a lot. Let’s Get Reccked is in D3 for some reason. Like, why? This team was 2-7 in D5 last season. I understand that they get Dave Baker this season, and he’s really good at age 57. And yes, Alex Buchlis is going to throw for them, which helps a lot. But I feel like D4 might’ve been the move to really figure stuff out. Maybe they’ll surprise but I’m not sure they have the overall talent to win this thing. And then Vaspian is in D3 as well. This team has always been up and down in D4, never really winning it despite some nice regular seasons. I’m assuming this is because of the readdition of Drew Colosimo, but there’s still going to be some growing pains moving up a division. 

Preseason Prediction: The Wanderers walk out of D3 with yet another championship to hang on their mantle, defeating Bullet Club in what should be a fantastic game. 

This Week’s Games:

Bullet Club vs Can’t Touch This (+7) -  These teams played each other pretty close last season, so what an excellent opening game for D3. This game will feature some pretty looking deep shots from Easton and Dougherty, and it may just come down to who blinks first. BULLET CLUB BY 8

Bullet Club vs Wanderers (EVEN) - Well, this is an even better way to start the season. The Wanderers’ first TSL matchup will be against Joe K and one of the TSL’s longest standing “franchises” in BC. Another “Game of the Day” candidate, it’ll be interesting to see how well these two teams fare against each other. The Wanderers make a late game play to seal the victory. WANDERERS BY 3

Wanderers vs Degeneration Sexy (+3) - Things don’t get easier for the Wanderers as they take on the Kellers. A Katie Keller - Mackenzie Klun battle might be very fun to watch, but if the Wanderers can get a turnover early, they may just walk away with another victory. WANDERERS BY 7

Jabronies vs Lets Get Reccked (+10) - I feel like all these guys know each other and are all related somehow. Anyway, its 3pm so Let’s Get Reccked may already be “Reccked” at this point. Assuming they aren’t, I just don’t think they have the horses to really run with Jabronies. JABRONIES BY 8

D4:

Championship Odds:

Baadie’s Angels (3-1)

Cunning Stunts (3-1)

Puckett All-Stars (6-1)

Buffalo Vice (8-1)

Travis Henry’s Kids (10-1)

Passing While Intoxicated (15-1)

Creekers (25-1)

Cobblestone (25-1)

Preseason Hype: The standings may just say “BAADies” but I’m calling them what they are. The Angels are BACK. Emily. Maggie. Robin. Val. Nicole. Heather. Sam. The greatest gender team of all time has returned, and they have some new blood with them as well (Talia, Misty, Mackenzie, Steph) as they combine with Garrett to run it back. This team is talented, and while we’ll miss Matty on the field with the girls, Garrett is one hell of a consolation prize. This is going to be FUN. Why is that you ask? Oh, because the Cunning Stunts are STILL HERE. The gender team battle has returned, and whenever they play, they BETTER be on Field 1 so everyone can watch. The Stunts return all of the girls that made them great last season, and they have QB God Joey Batts still slinging the ball for them. D4 is back to when it was at its best: the gender teams rule, and the co-ed teams get mad about it and play better to try to beat them. Puckett was absolutely awesome last season, and they’re already mad that they’re only the 3rd ranked team in the division they dominated a season ago. I don’t think I see any changes to the roster, which is a good thing. They didn’t need to fix what wasn’t broken. They’re the top competitor to the ladies for sure. Buffalo Vice comes rolling in for their 1,053rd season in the TSL. They’re always competitive, and yes, they’re still chasing a title. They’re getting a little older, but that’s okay. They’re still able to play the game at a high level, they’re just more prone to muscle pulls. And they arguably have the greatest girl not on a gender team in Caitlyn Mason, and Rachel Parker is no slouch either. I look forward to Dan emailing me about their epic win over the Stunts soon. THK was a joke last year. Simple as that. John Langley spent way too much time losing games and being miserable. Just kidding. They were at the bottom of the standings, but lost a few close games. And then? They started winning. They ended the season VERY hot, and correct me if I’m misremembering, but I think they just were missing most of their team for the playoff game they lost. The point is, there’s a lot to build on. They have John who could win D4 QB of the year, and they have Pete, who again, is tremendous. And, they added the sneakiest free agent signing of the offseason with getting Aaron Balcerzak from the TOX break up. Their Achilles heel will still be the lack of dominant females behind Mackenzie Klun, but Langley has shown he can overcome that. Topper wanted me to add that Langley is still terrible though. PWI is coming off an impressive D5 victory last season where they took control of a wide open division and ran with it. This team is bringing back the same people but doing the honorable “move up a division”, I don’t think they added anyone to the squad, and they didn’t really need to. This team gelled at the right time and they’re just going to continue to get better every week. The Creekers come into the TSL as a brand new team, as Missy Keem put together a new squad to start playing. Bravo, Missy! However, I don't know too much about them, but again, they can email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. to introduce themselves. And finally, Darryl Carr QB Superstar is in D4 with Cobblestone. Cobblestone played well in D5 and moved up. They honestly just always move around because Darryl just says “put us where you need us”. What an absolutely wonderful man he is. Darryl has a pretty good squad yet again, with AD, Leseaon Washington, and former 716 standout Donte Ridgeway leading the way. As long as they can catch Darryl’s magnificent pinpoint passes this season, they could win the whole thing. 

Preseason Prediction: Puckett All-Stars get it together to beat the Cunning Stunts in the semi-finals, ruining the BAADies-Stunts final we all want. But then Puckett loses to the Angels in the finals anyway. 

This Week’s Games:

Baadie’s Angels vs Buffalo Vice (+3) - Despite my excitement for the return of the Angels, its still been a second since they’ve played together and Garrett hasn’t really thrown for a gender team just yet. Because of that, and them playing at 10am to kick off the season, I think we’ll see a very close game. BAADIES BY 8

Travis Henry’s Kids vs Cobblestone (+6) - Travis Henry’s Kids looks to pick up where they left off last season, and they’re getting the right team to do it against. Cobblestone has talent, for sure, but they’ve struggled to be consistent, dropping the ball (literally) in the games that have mattered. It’ll be interesting to watch this one for sure. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 3

D5: 

Championship Odds:

TMA (5-1)

Tater Tots (6-1)

Not So Sticky (7-1)

Come From Behind (7-1)

Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (9-1)

Goatsack! (10-1)

GUCCI (10-1)

Long Balls (15-1)

Preseason Hype: Welcome to the Thunderdome. D5 looks to be the closest and most competitive division we have top to bottom. There’s no real clear cut “favorite” to win this thing. All that means is that we’re going to see some really good football. TMA comes into the season the same way they always do lately: Preseason favorites. But this isn’t your father’s TMA. The roster is noticeably missing anyone that was over 5’8 on the team. Nick Smith, Prim, Rob Rummings are all gone this season. Diana Bernal was injured in the offseason so she’s missing. On the plus side, TMA had 42 people on the roster to begin with, so they’ll be okay. They still have Ron Webber, Ryan Henry, a couple of Turners, and Val Testa, just to name a few. TMA should have no trouble scoring, but the signature defense they’ve had for years might be a problem this Spring. The Tater Tots show up, and now Derek Pew is launching his signature bombs for them. They also signed Rob Rummings from TMA, which means the Tots get taller, faster, AND a division rival gets worse. Big win for Drunk Meg’s Husband as he resumes his GM duties for the squad. Not So Sticky returns to D5 after waltzing to a D6 title last season. They were 0-9-1 in their last D5 run, so perhaps we need a D5.5 for them to really find their zone. They lost a few key players from the title team, but still should compete for the D5 title this year. Come From Behind is back and they’re largely the same group we’ve come to know and love for the last 40 years. No significant roster changes that I can see, just the same TSL Hall of Famers that will continue to score points and be a title contender every season, as long as everyone shows up. The Interdimensional Lightning Falcons have returned with largely the same squad as last season where they didn’t really live up to expectations. I’m not exactly sure who’s going to be throwing for this team (will it be Andrew?), but they still look to be a QB away from really competing. They have a lot of talent, they just struggle to capitalize on it overall. It hurts that Joe Miano left them to play for the Jabronies, but at least they moved down a division from D4 to recalibrate and get reset. Goatsack is another LONG time team that has been around seemingly forever. I can’t recall if they’ve played in the TSL before or not, because I’m pretty sure they’ve flirted with the idea before, but I don’t remember if it ever happened or not. Either way, QB Andy has brought the sack to D5 and they’re going to be fun to watch. The roster is full of names I’ve heard before in football circles, so teams should beware of what they can do. GUCCI has returned to the TSL and all is right with the world. QB Kelly Kane leads her squad back to the TSL for some fun times and great football. Yet another long time franchise in the Social Co-Ed Touch Football world, Gucci has been around for ages, and they can hold their own with anyone. The Long Balls are a new-ish team that has a lot of the old “Varsity Has Beens” from a year ago, along with Alex Lee of PWI fame. If I recall, a lot of these names are hockey players that are giving football a try. If everything clicks for them, don't be surprised to see them still playing on Championship Saturday. 

Preseason Prediction: Chaos. Glorious Chaos. But when it’s all said and done I think we’ll be seeing the Tater Tots taking home the title over Come From Behind. I can’t wait to see what happens in D5 this season. 

This Week’s Games:

Come From Behind vs Goatsack! (+7) - Two forever franchises battle it out to kick off the D5 season! This game will be close, but with Goatsack having to adjust to the different rules in the TSL that CFB mastered back in 1987, CFB will have the advantage. COME FROM BEHIND BY 10

TMA vs GUCCI (+7) - Gucci returns to get to play TMA right away. Normally that’d be a hard start, but with TMA not exactly very “TMA-y”, and learning how to play without some of their top players, anything can happen. The Captain Val Testa era gets off to a rough start. GUCCI BY 4

Tater Tots vs Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (+10) - The Tots routinely take the Fall off, but they never seem to miss a beat in the Spring when they return. They have a QB, they have their usual roster, and they’ll be just fine. Meanwhile I think ILF is still going to have to adjust to all of their own changes. TATER TOTS BY 9

Not So Sticky vs Long Balls (+7) - A typical case of Old team that’s played together a long time vs the new team that shows some promise but still needs to figure things out. NSS takes advantage. NOT SO STICKY BY 12

D6:

Championship Odds:

Blitzkrieg (5-1)

Southside (6-1)

Balls Deep (7-1)

Sausage McMuffins (9-1)

Two Tuddies (10-1)

Grass Eaters (11-1)

Back That Pass up (11-1)

Pit Harade (15-1)

Mighty Drunks (17-1)

Preseason Hype: Okay, maybe I lied. D6 might be the most interesting and close knit division. We have a weaker Blitzkrieg, a little different Southside, and then 7 other teams that are either completely new or a combination of old teams with new old parts. It’s really something. At first glance, I have no idea how any of these teams are going to do and it really seems like the oddsmakers didn’t either. Blitzkrieg is back and they have most of the usual gang back, sans Mackenzie Neary or Kevin Carr, who it could be argued are two of their top players. Southside looks to have a lot of new faces, but they still have Alyssa at the helm and Tyler Cienmy as well. They’re usually pretty good with finding good players, I assume that’ll continue. Balls Deep was better known as Punt Cakes last season, and they weren’t too bad, regardless of finishing last in the division. They added some Spinelli’s talent in Ryan Rusin and Payton himself so the roster is getting an upgrade for sure. Sausage McMuffins give me all of the Passless Chaps vibes, seeing MaKensey Pietz and Eric Pochylski on the roster. They also have absolute superstar Trish Esposito on the roster, which can only mean they’ll be dangerous at the bar as well. The Tuddies are back after a nice run last season where they really started to figure things out. The roster looks to be mostly the same, with a couple of different names that seem new. Another season of playing together will certainly have them in the hunt at season’s end. And they’re just awesome overall. The Grass Eaters are the remnants of the Superior Moser Squad from last season. Steve is throwing this time, and Rylee is back to being receiver, but they’re bringing in a few new players as well. Back That Pass Up has Alex Dutkiewicz of PWI teaming up with Jeff May to bring a whole new team to the league. Pit Harade seems to be the love child of Joe K and Dave Walter. They also have Spinelli’s QB Nick Hawes throwing for him which means if any of the other guys or girls on this team can play, or more accurately run go routes, they’ll score a bunch. I do not foresee Joe K or Dave doing those. Finally, the Mighty Drunks come into play, and they could be awesome or they could be terrible. Nobody knows! Jill Dibble is the only name I recognize on this list, so hopefully she found a bunch of talented friends. 

Preseason Prediction: My best prediction is that I have no idea what’s going to happen, but I’ll take Blitzkrieg to win over Balls Deep in the finals. 

This Week’s Games: 

Southside vs Back That Pass Up (+3) - The only reason Southside is favored is because they’ve played as a team before, I think. BTPU will go as far as Jeff May takes them. When he’s on, he’s more than capable of leading a team to a D6 title. When he’s off, Topper used to consider making a D8 just for Jeff. I think he’s going to come out swinging to prove he’s still got it. BACK THAT PASS UP BY 8

Grass Eaters vs Mighty Drunks (+3) - The over/under on how many times I type “Mighty Ducks” this season is at 4.5. Again, I have zero clue with what we have with the Drunks. But I do know that Steve is an excellent QB and regardless of who he has on his team, he’ll be able to carve up the defense of a new team that’s just figuring it out. GRASS EATERS BY 14

Two Tuddies vs Southside (EVEN) - With how the Tuddies closed the season six months ago, there’s a lot to be excited about. My hope is that they can keep it going after a long layoff, and i don’t know what it is, but i just feel like they will. TWO TUDDIES BY 2

Balls Deep vs Sausage McMuffins (EVEN) -  Oh, another pick’em. But again, this division remains a mystery. When you’re in these situations you have to really go with the best player on the field, and that, by far, is Ryan Rusin. BALLS DEEP BY 8

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

1. How badly will it rain? I checked the Buffalo weather and it looks like the field will be less than ideal for an Opening Day. 60 degrees, wind, and rain. Your captains should’ve gotten an email stating what the league plans to do in the rain, but right now expect to play. If it gets too bad, the league may have to cancel some games. Pay attention to the Facebook and the Telegram chat in order to get the most up to date information. 
2. Did you sign a waiver? Seriously. The TSL has made it pretty clear that if you don’t have a waiver signed before Saturday, you won’t play. Take 10 seconds of your time right now and go here: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1NqaQgYi1a2Sr-vlV_Nab-G7gIJhM3fE0O_xWzK0s5P0/edit and sign your waiver. Not sure if you did it? Do it again.
3. What teams have the best chance to surprise in each division? Always a fun question. Scared Hitless, Freeballers, Can’t Touch This, Travis Henry’s Kids, Goatsack!, and literally anyone in D6. 
4. Which predictions do you feel most to least confident about? In order from most to least: Wanderers - BAADies - Tater Tots - Losing Streak - Practice Squad - Blitzkrieg. 
5. Will B’s Brother be present at the fields? As far as I know, B’s Brother is indeed scheduled to appear. I don’t know if the rain will play a factor in his availability however. 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS BEFORE SATURDAY:

• I truly think it's awesome that some of the best co-ed teams that haven’t really played in the TSL before are joining up. Teams like Gucci, Goatsack!, and of course the Wanderers coming in to play here rocks. It would’ve been awful if they never came over. (I know Gucci was here for a season, but just let me have it)

• Same goes for having Losing Streak back in the TSL. It puts a top team right into the D1 race for the championship. 

• So what are the best games to watch this week? 

• 10:00  - No Punt Intended vs Untouchaballs

• 11:00 - Bullet Club vs Wanderers

• 12:00 - Losing Streak vs Tight Ends In Motion

• 1:00 - Long Balls vs Not So Sticky

• 2:00 - Southside vs Two Tuddies

• 3:00 - Frodo Swaggins vs Grey Hair Don’t Care

• Let’s pour one out for the franchises that didn’t make it back to us this season, in no particular order: Buffalo Vice Retro, Passed Our Prime, The Replacements, 716, Mountain Dew Me, Get Schwifty, Zack Attack(a D4 champion!), Spinelli’s Plumbing (which is nonsense because their players are on like 7 different teams), TOX, Today’s Feast, Woodpeckers, and Lenny’s Ladies. Some of them won’t be back, some of them will be back in a season. Either way, you’re missed. 

• Except for Hogan. It’ll be a nice and easy season without that guy screaming and spitting. 

• Hey guess what? If you want to play on two teams in the fall, you need to get your 4 games of reffing in! (or start a gender team, or bring in a brand new team) That’s an every season thing, not a “I did it that one time” thing. Don’t say “I didn’t know”. 

• Shout out to a few of the TSLers that I’ve been hearing have either gotten engaged, gotten married, gotten pregnant, or already had a baby in the last half a year! It’s always awesome to see our league’s members doing awesome. 

• Hey, what happened to "The Manager"?  Turns out writing massive weekly articles isn't for everyone.
  

• Special Hellos to Dorene Major, Dave Walter, Molly McDermid, Leslie Cook, Jeff May, Taylor Pagano, Margo Pagano, Maggie LaMantia, Scott Keller Jr, Jen Stachura, Paul LoVullo, Brent McKenzie, Nick Buczek, and of course Tammy Buczek. The great ones deserve recognition, and I only named a few. 

• There are whispers that the bar may actually be offering the league some bar specials. Not sure exactly what they are yet, but someone let me know when they see them!

And that’s it. The race for Social Co-Ed Football Immortality has officially begun! Everyone be safe, have fun, don’t scream at the refs, and enjoy the greatest family gathering you could ever hope to be at. But again, make sure to tell me about it. 

-GF OUT