Week 4 Picks, thoughts, Insights and Predictions

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 17 May 2019 13:25

Published: Friday, 17 May 2019 13:25

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 6074

Welcome once again to the wonderful calamity that is the TSL! A great man once said, “Once you think you know the answers, I start changing the questions.”, and that’s EXACTLY what this Spring 2019 season has been all about! Teams we thought might be great look to be not so great. Teams that we thought were going to be considered for relegation are championship contenders! Left is Right, Up is Down, and its only Week 4! Needless to say, Week 3 brought us a whole bunch of winners and losers. I’ve gotten multiple reports from the fields this week on who’s been doing what. It’s nice to have a clearer picture of what went on for once, so thank you to those that take a few seconds to send me emails about your team and your players. Like one email said “I’d rather you have what happened in our game come from me than from someone else’s mouth.”

This is why we love football so much. Everything can change from week to week. Teams that looked like they were in trouble have a big week and they’re back in the thick of things (TMA went from 0-2 to 2-2 real quick) and teams that once looked like forces in their divisions now have more questions. (After nice starts, 1 Todd Too Many, Slytherin in That Endzone, Hope and Ruin, and Gryffindor all find themselves sliding down the standings. Just kidding. Gryffindor never had a hot start in the first place.) So, what does it all mean? What can we determine from all of the data we’ve received so far?

Absolutely nothing. Because after Week 4, it’s all going to get shaken up once again. If you’re playing well, you can’t be overconfident because a bad week can cause it to start to slip away. If you’re playing poorly, you could be THIS close to putting all together and going on a run. Not a single team in the TSL has anything guaranteed yet. Except of course, for Matty’s Angels, who are guaranteed to be moving up a division or four this offseason. The point is, its Week 4, don’t get comfortable, and most importantly don’t give up hope. Everything changes in an instant.

On to the games…

D1:

Public Enemy vs Marketing Mayors (+6) – Word around the campfire is that PE is actually more concerned with this game than they were with Eyes Downtown last week. While PE dispatched of ED 28-14 last week, they did so without a decent chunk of their players. Those 1:00 starts really mess with the team’s availability it seems. They put their “Undertaker at Wrestlemania-like” winning streak on the line against the Mayors, who took 1 Todd Too Many to the woodshed with a 54-18 victory. Cory Turner, Andy Smith and the rest of the team look primed for this Game of the Week matchup in D1. It’ll be a hell of a game, but until the streak is broken, I can’t go against the champs. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 1

1 Todd Too Many vs #XTC@Angry Buffalo (EVEN) – After Team Topper’s big win to start the season, things have gotten progressively worse for them. Their 54-18 loss to the Mayors is going to either be the inspirational turning point where they figured things out, or it’ll be the spiral that sends them out of control. On the plus side, they debuted some very nice new Lenny jerseys themselves (I hear they chose gray instead of copying another team in red). But Team Topper is a smart, resilient bunch and I think they’ll find their way sooner than later. #XTC@AB, however, is still having a rough go of things. They lost to Tight Ends in Motion 39-23 this week, and really need a good showing here against the reeling Team Topper. 0-5 isn’t a place they want to be, nor is it a place that they deserve to be. This game looks like it’ll be another close one for D1. 1 TODD TOO MANY BY 1

Tight Ends In Motion vs 1 Todd Too Many (+7) – One of our first repeat matchups of the season! Team Topper beat TEIM 7-6 in the season opener. Of course, that was in the cold and snow we had in Week 1, and now TEIM is thawed out. Worst of all? They’re looking for a bit of revenge. One of the hardest things to do in football is beat the same team twice, and I don’t think we’ll see it here. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 8

Eyes Downtown vs Tight Ends In Motion (+7) – Eyes Downtown may have lost 28-14 to Public Enemy last week, but they gained a lot of respect in the eyes of TSL fans. ED showed up to “The Game” wearing all black instead of their usual red jerseys to allow PE to wear the “Lenny Red” jerseys for the game without a problem. That’s a very nice gesture, and one that many remarked may not have happened if Bobby McConnell were around. TEIM was without Alex at QB this time around and they finally got to see what they could do with Seth Molinsari at QB instead. The end results was a 39-23 victory where TEIM looked better than they have in a while. Many people on the roster were big fans of Seth. This week, Ricky Austin gets his two game tryout with the team. Alex has to be feeling the pressure at this point. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 6

D2:

Bullet Club vs Money Ball (+7) – Bullet Club still had no sign of QB Jeff Easton, but it didn’t seem to matter. Travis was throwing well yet again, and BC walked away with an impressive 32-19 over Title Shot. To be fair, Title Shot was missing Dubey, so that played a factor. BC gets even more reinforcements this week when Paul Nieman finally gets to make his debut. Money Ball didn’t get to play football last week due to Energy Buff calling in sick, so there’s not much new to report. For a team that’s only played two games together so far, an extra week off when you’re trying to gel together isn’t always a good thing.  BULLET CLUB BY 7

Gryffindor vs Money Ball (EVEN) – Gryffindor looks rough. It looks like fatherhood has taken the life out of Joey Batts and his football skills are eroding. This once moderately decent QB is looking like he’s about to have his worst season ever. A 22-0 loss to A&A last week is only starting the talk that eventually a few Gryffindor’s stars may start negotiating with new teams for next season. Money Ball looks to be catching them at the right time here for sure, but will a game the hour before against Bullet Club wear them down too much? At this rate, probably not. MONEY BALL BY 4

Energy Buff vs Gryffindor (EVEN) – A small slate of games for D2 this week. Energy Buff called off last week due to concerns about being able to field a team. This season isn’t going the way they want it to at all yet, but as the theme of this article has been, one good week can change the season right now. The loser of this matchup could very well find themselves at the bottom of the standings when its all over. It should also be noted that a part of Energy Buff is from Joey Batts’ old Cintas squad, and I’m SURE they’d love to silence him. But it won’t be this time. GRYFFINDOR BY 6

D3:

All We Do Is Quinn vs Ultimate Warriors (+15) – The 3-0-1 AWDIQ taking on the 0-4 Warriors. This game has blowout written all over it. The Warriors have been battling hard but this week they lost to Peachy Platoon 55-37. While scoring doesn’t seem to be a HUGE problem for them, defense in general seems to be the issue as they’ve allowed 159 points in 4 games. AWDIQ is NOT the answer when you have defense questions. The season’s biggest surprise, and D3’s only team yet to lose come into town after a 27-26 victory over Sticky Bandits, and they’re looking good. They won, mind you, with their third string QB this week since Vince and Joe Schwab were away on various other missions. Not sure they can be stopped yet. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 13

3rd and Schlong vs Ultimate Warriors (+10) – Things don’t get much better today for the Warriors as they’re blessed to play 3AS after dealing with Quinn earlier in the day. 3AS has been playing VERY well after Week 1’s hiccup, and they look like the title contender we thought they were in the first place. A big matchup with SITE last week showed us who the pretender was, and it wasn’t 3AS as they won 40-28. While the Warriors will fight hard for the upset, 3AS isn’t forgetting that playoff loss to them last Spring. 3rd AND SCHLONG BY 10

Slytherin That End Zone vs Morning Wood (+3) – The two teams in the middle of the D3 pack that could really use a big win over the other meet in this game, that should be a doozy. Morning Wood is fresh off a 44-40 victory over the upstart Frodo Swaggins, and they’re looking to continue to climb the standings. Mo Saleh gets a lot of negative press, but perhaps he fixed the problems MW was showing already. SITE has cooled off after their hot start, and their 40-28 loss to 3rd And Schlong helps show that. Newman claimed at the beginning of the season that he was back, well, this is the time to prove it. SLYTHERIN THAT END ZONE BY 6

3rd And Schlong vs Frodo Swaggins (+6) – Frodo lost to Morning Wood 44-40 last week. However, they were without Team Captain Garrett Beesing who, while on the downside of his career, is still a difference maker. Frodo is still finding their way in the TSL, but they show a lot of promise. They’re 0-2-1, but could easily be 2-1 if a few bounces go their way. On top of it, rumor has it that Frodo made a pretty big acquisition at the roster deadline last week, and that could be a game changer.  3rd and Schlong represents one of the divisions measuring sticks, so it’ll be fun to see how these two teams stack up. Will 3rd And Schlong sleep on them? Probably not. 3rd AND SCHLONG BY 3

D4:

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers vs Cobblestone (+8) – Darryl Carr QB Superstar graced us with his presence this week and it was GLORIOUS! Cobblestone played hard, Darryl was slinging it, he found random new girls (this seasons’ entrant into the “Where did Darryl find her?” potential star sweepstakes: Sierra.), and yet Cobblestone found themselves on the receiving end of a 53-20 loss to Indecent Exposure, followed by a 42-30 loss to No Punt Intended. Uncle Rico’s, however, made their claim to the D4 throne official when they upended End Game 31-27 in a big win for Jon Senn’s crew. Uncle Rico’s better make sure that they’re not more concerned with the big game against Buffalo Solar Solutions an hour later. I don’t think they will. UNCLE RICO’S TIME TRAVELERS BY 10

Hung Buffalo vs Full Throttle (+7) – Full Throttle came to play against Buffalo Solar Solutions last week, but wound up on the losing end of a 38-28 score. Their 1-2 record may be misleading as they’re playing teams pretty tough so far this season. Hung Buffalo got back to business this week, smacking around No Punt Intended 51-27. Hung Buffalo has been able to put up points so far this session, and that’s where Full Throttle has suffered. Look for a bit of a defensive battle before the veteran smarts of HB get them to another victory. HUNG BUFFALO BY 7

Indecent Exposure vs GLBS (+3) – Indecent Exposure sits at 2-2 after a 53-20 spanking of Cobblestone. While IE can score (Their 35.5 points per game can confirm this), they also struggle to stop most teams. GLBS is the complete opposite here. They’ve only allowed 58 points in three games this season, BUT they’ve only scored 50, despite the best efforts of WR Jay Elphick, so I’ve been told. GLBS is still a newer team trying to figure it out on offense, but once they do, D4 might want to watch out. I’ll take the team that can score over the team that can’t though. INDECENT EXPOSURE BY 6

Buffalo Solar Solutions vs Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers (+3) – The D4 Game of the Week right here. BSS has been great this season, and that continued with this week’s 38-28 win over a spry Full Throttle squad. We already talked about how Uncle Rico’s is getting dialed in this season, and they’ll be looking to make this a game. First place is on the line here, but when you break it down you’ll see that BSS has played one less game, and scored more points. They’ve also allowed less. Look for a close one here as well. BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS BY 8

Hung Buffalo vs Cobblestone (+7) – There’s not much more to say about these teams that I haven’t already said. Cobblestone is in desperate need of a win this week, so I expect them to go all out for this one. The problem is that Hung Buffalo has more talent, and they’ve been doing this for a long, long time. HUNG BUFFALO BY 10

Buffalo Solar Solutions vs GLBS (+7) – This is going to be a game of “who’s less tired from the game before” as well. While I’m a huge fan of GLBS, they still haven’t clicked on offense. Same rules apply as before, give me the team that can score over the one who can’t. BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS BY 12

End Game vs Full Throttle (+7) – What a week for End Game. First, they lose their first game of the season to Uncle Rico’s 31-27. Then they go against Puckett All-Stars, who haven’t been great at all this season, and almost blow that game too before winning 41-37. The real questions come from what’s going on inside the locker room, as Emily Schilling as left the team to go play with Frodo Swaggins. While End Game should be okay with Steph Czaja and that blonde girl everyone talks about but nobody knows who the hell she is, it’s very disheartening for a team to lose arguably their best girl (regardless of her suspect hands) at the roster deadline for the season. Upset of the Week, as Full Throttle catches End Game at the right time. FULL THROTTLE BY 1

D5:

Ugandan Warriors vs Over Compensators (+6) – The Over Compensators continued their streak of ALMOST beating teams, this week losing to Come From Behind 34-27. The team shows improvement every week, but they just haven’t been able to get over the hump. This week, they play a Ugandan Warriors team led by QB Blasé LaDuca. These Warriors were able to ride Blasé’s big Make Up Bet win to their first victory, a 28-26 win over HomeTech. This game should be back and forth, but I like the OC to get their first win of the season. OVER COMPENSATORS BY 6

Cunning Stunts vs Five Star Generals (+3) – Five Star is out to prove they belong in D5, and while they lost to the Pteratacos 38-34, they easily could’ve taken this game. The Stunts are reeling as they’ve lost their first game this year to the Topper-led Vandalay Industries 40-34. With Joey Batts showing signs of aging and losing his talents, one has to worry if the Stunts are considering a change at QB. They’ll stick with Joey for now, but word is he’s on the hot seat. CUNNING STUNTS BY 3

Cunning Stunts vs HomeTech (+10) – HomeTech and QB Austin Weber played their hearts out against the Ugandan Warriors but came up short 28-26. They sit at 0-3 for the season, but they’re showing they can play with some of the lower half of D5. The Stunts might be in disarray after last week, but they’re still going to be fine for this game. CUNNING STUNTS BY 10

Come From Behind vs Five Star Generals (+6) – This is just a matchup of veteran prowess vs a younger team. Five Star may have more athletes, but CFB is the smarter team. Paul, Molly, and Leslie lead CFB to a 34-27 win over the Over Compensators by making the right decisions against a newer team. Look for more of the same here. Bend but don’t break. COME FROM BEHIND BY 6

Vandalay Industries vs Hope N Ruin (EVEN) – When we last saw Hope N Ruin, the grounds crew was scraping them off of the field after this week’s 71-26 massacre at the hands of Matty’s Angels. Vandalay, meanwhile, pulled off the minor upset of the Stunts 40-34. Both teams have very similar offenses, so this one is going to come down to defense. I’m not entirely sure what the hell happened to HNR last week, but I’m willing to bet they’ll be much better this week. HOPE AND RUIN BY 4

D6:

The Bambs vs pAssless Chaps (+13) – The Bambs finally tasted defeat this season at the hands of Practice Squad, 32-29 in what is looking like the potential D6 final this season. As for pAssless Chaps, well, things weren’t good again. They were on the tracks when the TMA train came through this week, losing 37-9. Coach Jay is doing everything he can to coach the Chaps into being better overall, but so far it seems like his teachings are falling on deaf ears. One bright spot is that Jay and WR Ricky are looking to be on the same page, so that’s progress. But its not “beat The Bambs” progess. THE BAMBS BY 10

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

1.      Will People remember that you can get sunburned in 45 degree weather? I was told that there were a LOT of red faces, necks, and arms because nobody used sunscreen this week.

2.      What happens when Ricky Austin leads TEIM to two victories this season? Will we see a three headed QB committee?

3.      IS THE WHEEL RETURNING? Topper brought out and updated the Wheel of Hope last week, as a teaser for this week. Who’s going to win?

4.      Can Marketing Mayors stop Public Enemy’s streak? PE seems to think if anyone can, its MM.

5.      What team did I just jinx? It feels like every time I back a team or am down on a team, they’re just proving me wrong the next week.

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

1.      Will Coach Jay ever win a game? He’s one of the nicest people on this planet, but all three of his teams are a combined 0-11. I’m rooting for him.

2.      Seriously people, show me you’re grown adults. There should NOT be a landfill’s worth of plastic bottles laying around the fields at the end of the day. USE THE TRASH CANS YOU MONSTERS. Make this place better than how you found it.

3.      Shout out to Bennett Kus! Gordon’s son was at the fields rocking all day, giving out high fives, and slugging some drinks with people. He didn’t even get that pissed when Travis Clev spilled a beer on him. Cool kid.

4.      GIVE ME MORE BREAKFAST CLUB BETS! This has been a treat to hear about the last few weeks. Excited to see what’s in store. Bern Them All 52-Peanut Butter Kelly Time 34, Hot TaMolly’s 24-EmC HammerTime 22, Schilling Em Softly 30 – Natural Born Kellers 20.

5.      Once again, big shout outs to The Rant and The Sentinel. You guys are the first “non-Godfather” articles to make it to Week 4 in forever. Keep doing what you’re doing.

6.      DON’T FORGET: SPRING PARTY JUNE 1^ST. PREPARE YOURSELVES.

7.      My Game of the Week this week is easily Buffalo Solar Solutions vs Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers. I can’t wait to get reports on this one. Looks like it’ll be a good one.

8.      Thank you to everyone that’s been emailing me about their teams, for real. If you’d like to get your team some more publicity, please email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

9.      I know Rameer yelled at people already, but PLEASE stop bringing your own alcohol to the fields. I don’t know why we have to keep saying this. Word is we’re working on getting our league some deals. No clue if it actually happens yet.

10.   No Matty Ice this week, as he’s jet setting in Italy, but lets point out his heroics in Breakfast Club this week. Down 24-12 with 6 minutes to go, and the other team has the ball, Matty picked off Gordon on first down. He ended up getting a girl TD to make the score 24-20 with 3 minutes to go. What happens on the first down again? Mo Saleh lets the ball bounce off of his hands and it falls right into Matty’s arms. Matty would lead Schilling Em Softly to the game winning TD with no time left. That’s a good effort.

Be safe out there kids. Have fun.

Week 2 Thoughts Picks and Predictions

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Thursday, 02 May 2019 20:46

Published: Thursday, 02 May 2019 20:46

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 6275

The TSL is like any great movie or TV series with many characters and moving parts. Week 1 of the 2019 Spring session was no different, as the weather and the fields picked up right where we left off in the Fall, like a terrible cliffhanger. Regardless of the 60 degree days Buffalo was having, the First Saturday of the TSL brought the league 30 degrees, snow, muddy fields, and for some, misery. While you can never truly win a championship on Week 1, you sure can lose it. Poor performances can create doubt within your team, and it’s how you handle that early adversary that can be the difference between co-ed football immortality or crying to Topper about how much you need to drop a division.

Let’s get onto the games:

D1:

Public Enemy vs #XTC@AB (+10): This is PE’s first game of the season and sources around the league expect them to be dialed in more than ever. #XTC@AB might sound like a computer virus, but they’re actually a combination of some of the league’s nicest people. Unfortunately, in D1, nice people finish last more often than not. A 29-12 drubbing by Marketing Mayors left #XTCAB with a bad taste in their mouths, but this isn’t the week that they right the ship. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 14

Public Enemy vs 1 Todd 2 Many (+8): Topper did it! He walked into D1, smacked around Tight Ends in Motion, and won 7-6. At the very least, he showed the league that he can be a force in the highest division. Enter PE, the defending champions. Team Topper will have an advantage with PE having already played a game, but I’m not entirely sure it’s going to matter this time around. Topper hangs around, but PE pulls away late. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 11

Marketing Mayors vs Tight Ends In Motion (+7): MM started off the season with a double header that showed both sides of the coin for them. They lost to a Bobby-less Eyes Downtown, but stormed back to take an easy one from #XTCAB. Which Marketing Mayors will we get this weekend? Sadly, it may not matter if we get the TEIM that could only muster 6 points against Team Topper. TEIM is already showing cracks in the armor, and mistrust in their own QB, which will most likely lead to another team split next season. But hey, we’ll somehow get three new teams from it. MARKETING MAYORS BY 3

Eyes Downtown vs #XTC@Angry Buffalo (+10): #XTC@AB is rewarded by the scheduling gods this week as the second half of their double header is a date with Eyes Downtown. Even without Bobby, ED was able to pick up a 21-7 victory over Marketing Mayors. The word is that the team was much more relaxed and calm with Chadwick in there, and dare I say they were “happy”? The next quarterback controversy for the league is just starting to brew. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 9

D2:

Energy Buff vs Bullet Club (+3): We believed in Energy Buff heading into the season, but reports from the field last week suggest that maybe we were wrong. EB looked a little underwhelming in their opening loss to A&A, and are going to look to right the ship against Bullet Club. BC hasn’t played yet this season, but word is they’ll already be undermanned to start the season. If QB Jeff Easton shows up, this should be a game. ENERGY BUFF BY 6

A&A vs Money Ball (+8): Money Ball lost to Title Shot last week 29-15. They’re a new team that are still starting to learn how to play together. A&A has been a machine for most of the last ten seasons, only adding a new piece here and there. Matty Ice looks to be slinging the rock before he slings some drinks at the bar, and if he’s on early, look out Money Ball. A&A by 7

Gryffindor vs Title Shot (Even): Gryffindor had to be pleased by what they saw last week, which was a division that seems ripe for the picking. Joey Batts’ squad did whatever they could to avoid the D1 teams, and this is why: a shot at the D2 title in what they perceive is a weak division. Enter Title Shot, who was impressive in their win against Money Ball last week, and the “old guard” of the TSL look to continue the good vibes this week. TITLE SHOT BY 2

A&A vs Title Shot (+3): The second half of this double header for Title Shot gives them A&A, who will be a little more rested going into this game. It should play a factor.  A&A BY 7

D3:

3^rd and Schlong vs Morning Wood (EVEN): I could’ve sworn when I got to this game that I’d be letting everyone know that 3AS stomped their way to victory last week, and Morning Wood was licking their wounds. However, due to Katherine Keller and 40 Year Plan Guy still not admitting their love for one another, karma is coming into play. 3AS got beat up by AWDIQ 39-20 in a game that had TSLers from all over wondering which was the team that came from D5. MW, to their credit stood their ground and laid claim to the D3 throne with a 29-23 win against the Ultimate Warriors. Right now, 3AS is looking a little out classed, and MW seems to have a handle on things. MORNING WOOD BY 6

All We Do Is Quinn vs Slytherin That End Zone (EVEN): Here’s what we know: SITE walked onto the field against the Peachy Platoon and demolished them, 42-7. Newman was absolutely electric, and if this is how his season is going to go, SITE is a top contender for the title. AWDIQ walked all over 3AS early, and then came away with a tie against Frodo Swaggins 26-26. Quinn looks like they belong in D3, and while SITE is looking to stomp the teams that moved up, this is going to be a close one. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 1

SITE vs Ultimate Warriors (+7): The Warriors come into town on the heels of a 29-23 loss to Morning Wood. SITE will be coming in from a battle with AWDIQ. People always forget that the Warriors are an intelligent group of football players who know what they’re doing (mostly) and as a result are always underrated. If SITE hadn’t just played a game before this one, they’d be ripe for an upset. However, they should be raring to go. As a result: SLYTHERIN THAT END ZONE BY 10

Sticky Bandits vs Peachy Platoon (+14): We had very high hopes for Peachy this season, but a 42-7 whooping from SITE has us second guessing their jump up to D3. Sticky Bandits are one of the best teams with the greatest collective minds in the league. Hot off a season opening 44-21 victory against Frodo Swaggins, Sticky has the D3 championship in their sights, and Peachy doesn’t look like they’ll be up to the task. STICKY BANDITS BY 13

D4:

End Game vs Cobblestone (+6): End Game (the old HK whatevers) came out with a 20-13 victory against GLBS, in a pretty close game. They played later in the day, so chances are the fields were a mess by then, as the reports I received this week about the games said they weren’t “that great all day”. Cobblestone had a bye week last time around, so the TSL waits with bated breath to see what athletic superstars our favorite QB Darryl Carr With The Magical Hair signed this offseason. Either way, the TSL will be having Coronas with Darryl and all will be well! END GAME BY 10

No Punt Intended vs Buffalo Solar Solutions (+7): BSS played Indecent Exposure last week and lost 28-22. NPI played the same team and walked away with a 33-32 win. Granted, BSS softened them up beforehand, but NPI also beat Puckett later in the day 29-14. NPI is starting off like the team that dominated the division not too long ago. NO PUNT INTENDED BY 7

Puckett All-Stars vs Full Throttle (+3): Both teams are looking for a bounce back this week. Puckett All-Stars lost 29-14 to No Punt Intended while Full Throttle lost 33-16 to Uncle Rico’s. Its safe to say that NPI and Rico’s are two of the top contenders in the division, so the real question is which team just had a bad game last week? If history has shown us anything, it’s that Puckett is the better team and should right the ship in Week 2. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 9

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers vs Hung Buffalo (+6): Uncle Rico’s comes into Week 2 feeling pretty good about themselves after the 33-16 victory against Full Throttle. There aren’t any lingering questions about the team as they essentially beat a team they should’ve beaten if they want to win the title. Hung Buffalo is a perennial contender who had a bye last week, so this is their first game of the year. They might just be catching Uncle Rico’s at the wrong time as they shake some rust off. UNCLE RICO’S TIME TRAVELERS BY 4

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers vs GLBS (+6): Uncle Rico’s might be a little tired when they have to face GLBS this time around. GLBS is a very solid team that could’ve won last week, but ended up on the wrong side of things. Just as Uncle Rico’s is catching Hung Buffalo at the right time, they’re not catching GLBS at the right time. Slight upset of the day here: GLBS BY 3

Indecent Exposure vs Hung Buffalo (+10): Indecent Exposure is 1-1 right now, with a close one point lost to No Punt Intended. They’ll be competing for the division title this season, assuming every one stays in one piece. Hung Buffalo will come to play, but I don’t think it’ll be enough. INDECENT EXPOSURE BY 6

D5:

Cunning Stunts vs Hope and Ruin (+3): Hope and Ruin decimated the Five Star Generals 36-0, but they’re coming to play a Stunts team that already got upset last week by the Ugandan Warriors, and then took it out on Come From Behind 42-28. The girls know better than to take Hope and Ruin lightly, so they’ll be ready for them. CUNNING STUNTS BY 6

Over Compensators vs Pink Pteratacos (+7) The Pteratacos (The old UFO) were off last week, however the Over Compensators (The Old Witter’s) played Matty’s Angels to tight 29-27 loss. We don’t know exactly how the PP’s will look this season, but the OC was very impressive. OVER COMPENSATORS BY 12

Come From Behind vs HomeTech (+10): The 3^rd And Schlong leftovers were off last week, so they kick off the season against Paul LoVullo and CFB. CFB had mixed results last week, losing 42-28 to the Stunts, yet knocking off Vandalay and Topper 17-15. They were competitive for the most part, so look for them to welcome HomeTech back the hard way. COME FROM BEHIND BY 9

Vandalay Industries vs Pink Pteratacos (+7): Team Topper Jr lost last week to Come From Behind, though they looked competitive. We still don’t know what PP will look like, so all the more reason to think Topper can keep up his magic. VANDALAY INDUSTRIES BY 3

Matty’s Angels vs Five Star Generals (+20): The highest line of the week. Matty’s won a close one against Over Compensators 29-27, where Five Star Generals lost 36-0 to Hope and Ruin. It just gets worse from there with the Angels coming to town. MATTY’S ANGELS BY 21

D6:

The Bambs vs TMA (NO LINE): The Bambs looked good in their return to football, besting the pAssless Chaps 32-29. TMA, however, was not nearly as fortunate. Multiple field reporters said the TMA players “already had that look on their faces of ‘Why are we 2-6?’ that they get when they can’t explain things, and its only Week 1.”. There’s no line on this game because TMA didn’t have Brian Ferger at QB instead of the local cadaver they found in Week 1, so clearly they’re better than they showed in a 33-7 loss to the Jabronies. Either way, someone is going to have to wear white here. THE BAMBS BY 4

pAssless Chaps vs Jabronies (EVEN): The Jabronies walked away with the 33-7 victory against TMA but we didn’t learn much about them from it. pAssless Chaps look much better than in years past with Coach Jay at QB, and even though they lost to The Bambs 32-29, and Practice Squad 24-22, you can see that they’re on their way to an entire season full of close games. PASSLESS CHAPS BY 1

Practice Squad vs The BiPolar Express (+3): Everyone’s favorite female team makes their season debut this week as Gordon and the girls take on Practice Squad, who just got by the Chaps 24-22. Renee Lantz joins the BPE this season, but sadly they won’t have her in the Yellow (and sometimes Red) as she’ll be on the other side. PS wasn’t happy with their play last week, but BPE has a little bit of rust to shake off. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 7

5 QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

1.      Why is Ricky Austin a FREE AGENT? There’s more than a handful of teams that need an upgrade at QB, and to have Ricky sitting on the sidelines is insane! I think Ricky will get some contract offers by the end of Week 2.

2.      Can Topper continue his D1 winnings ways? A 7-6 win against TEIM is one thing, a win against Public Enemy is something else.

3.      Who’s going to be the next big thing in the TSL? If you have someone on your squad that you think deserves some recognition, email me about them at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.!

4.      Where is the podcast Joe K? I’ve had more than my fair share of emails looking for it.

5.      Where were the garbage cans and the port-a-potties on the fields last week? If it weren’t for the awful weather, that’d be the number one complaint from what sounds like an otherwise awesome Week 1.

10 FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

1.      D6 is shaping up to be the best division in the league, top to bottom. I truly believe any of the teams there can win it, and it’ll be fun to watch.

2.      Shout out to the new refs, especially Karl, who have seem to step in quite nicely. If you’re reading this and want to help Rameer out with reffing a game or two, ask him ASAP.

3.      The weather was a complete downer, since we started two weeks later to avoid that exact scenario. Luckily, things will get better and soon teams will need to find other excuses of why they lost a game.

4.      Rumor has it, and you didn’t hear it from me because I’m not one to talk, that there’s going to be a Spring Party in early June!

5.      As fun as people said the bar was for Week 1, things are going to get better fast as Paul Nieman is only one more week away from his TSL return. Get the Backstreet Boys queued up now.

6.      Big props to Kelly Liddle. She lost her bra bet in Breakfast Club to Emily Curry and she paid up her end of the bargain that day. More fun bets on the way it seems!

7.      Speaking of Breakfast Club, predictions: EmC Hammertime 34 - Schilling ‘Em Softly 22, Hot TaMolly’s 24 – Peanut Butter Kelly Time 13, Bern Them All 20 – Natural Born Kellers 18.

8.      I got more than a few emails from teams that weren’t happy with last week’s odds. Some showed up Week 1 and had me rethink my previous stance, but others definitely proved me right. You know who you are.

9.      The game that I’ll have my eye on most is The Bambs vs TMA, as I want to see how TMA stacks up to the competition with Ferger in there. He’s one of the most beloved people in the league, but his team loves him being on the field with them even more.

10.   Finally, the Lenny Alba logo that you see on various field signs, hats, and Breakfast Club jerseys is awesome. Let’s keep that around as much as possible.

Good luck out there in Week 2. Remember, join Topper’s Super Kool Telegram App (https://t.me/toppersports) for all of your TSL needs, and email me This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. if you anything to say about anything. Have fun!

Week 3 thoughts, picks, and predictions

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Thursday, 09 May 2019 12:42

Published: Thursday, 09 May 2019 12:42

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 7333

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THE TSL UNIVERSE!

Stop me if I said this before, but:

ITS ON!!!!!!!!!!

One the TSL’s biggest rivalries of all time takes center stage on Field 1 at 1:00pm as Public Enemy takes on Eyes Downtown. So many interesting questions come into play for this one, as it always does. Can Eyes Downtown break Public Enemy’s winning streak? Will we see Bobby McConnell yet? If we don’t, and Chadwick leads ED to a victory, should Bobby be permanently replaced? Can you imagine we’re very close to world where Bobby McConnell and Ricky Austin are both Free Agents? Why did Public Enemy decide to get themselves a bunch of Eyes Downtown jerseys? Who’s going to wear white instead? SO. MANY. QUESTIONS. Not enough answers. But at 2:18pm (I hear the fields are running behind a lot these days) we’ll know who stands tall. As of now, the betting line stands at Eyes Downtown (+3). This game is too close to call, so I’m just going to predict it now: PUBLIC ENEMY TIES EYES DOWNTOWN.

Anyway, Week two of the great adventure that is the TSL Spring 2019 season brought us some highlight reel plays, some teams having more questions than answers, and while it was apparently warmer out, it rained a bit. But, that’s a step up from the snow you guys had to deal with last week. Fun fact: it’ll be 65 degress and sunny here in Des Moines, while it seems like you’ll be playing in 51 with a smidge of wind. Plus side, doesn’t look like rain for you guys…yet. The season’s picture got a little bit clearer last week for some teams. Others need to go back to the drawing board as soon as last Sunday. All of the up and down play makes calling these games harder than ever for me.

Note: There’s no reason for us to have divisions labeled “C1”, “C2” and “R1-R4”. It’s stupid, and I like D1-D6 better, so while I thank you for your emails “showing me how wrong I’m being about division names”, I don’t care. Some of you need to focus on your play and stop worrying about what I have to say about you. Don’t @ me.

Just kidding. Keep ‘em coming at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. .

Onto the games:

D1:

Marketing Mayors vs 1 Todd 2 Many (+3) – Never thought I’d see the day where I’d routinely see a Topper-led franchise be in our highest division AND not have double digit point spreads given to them. But here we are. Team Topper gave Public Enemy a run for their money, but ran out of steam near the end, dropping a 41-35 decision. Marketing Mayors had an incredibly fun 35-31 victory over Tight Ends that came down to the wire. Cory Turner’s squad should use that big momentum to get them over the feisty Topper bunch, but it’ll be close. MARKETING MAYORS BY 3

Tight Ends In Motion vs #XTC@Angry Buffalo (+7) - #XTC needs a win here to start to salvage their season. After a 33-14 drubbing by Public Enemy, this group of fan favorites find themselves 0-3 just 2 weeks in. Tight Ends is 0-2 themselves after another close loss to the Mayors 35-31. The team won’t say it, but they’ve been questioning how they’d do with a different QB for a while now, and Alex’s unfortunate injury may give them chance to see. Will this be a Drew Bledsow-Tom Brady scenario that takes TEIM to new heights? Either way, we’d like Coach Jay to get a big win over Emily Curry. He’s just nicer. BUT TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 6

D2:

Title Shot vs Bullet Club (+8) – Title Shot is legit. Dubey is slinging the rock like its 1997, but more importantly, Devon is back making men turn into little boys, as is her specialty. TS brought A&A to school 44-29, not too long after a comeback victory 22-19 against Gryffindor. This puts Title Shot at 3-0 and on top of the division. Bullet Club might have some fun new jerseys, but it’s the same old issues already affecting them. Attendance is always a problem for this team, yet they still won relatively easily against Energy Buff 32-26 in a game that wasn’t as close as the score suggests. If Bullet Club has their entire team on hand, this could be the game of the day. If not? You can skip it. TITLE SHOT BY 6

Money Ball vs Energy Buff (+6) – Two new teams trying to find their way. Energy Buff has proven that their preseason odds to win the division were extremely off as they played a Bullet Club team WITHOUT most of its best players and lost 32-26. This team isn’t the second coming of Bad Apples, they’re more Cintas with a few upgrades in their women. Not a good sign. Money Ball is being accused of having too many alpha dogs it seems, but they have a lot of players who know how to play the game so we still think they can figure it out. A 30-22 loss to A&A is a step in the right direction. This game is going to come down to which team can gel sooner, as both teams need to get their first win of the season, and avoid going 0-3.   MONEY BALL BY 12

Gryffindor vs A&A (EVEN) – The TSL is already considering giving out free earplugs to everyone at the fields during this game. A matchup between Matty Ice, Joey Batts, and Jeremy Burr will prove to be a loud one. Gryffindor lost 22-19 to Title Shot last week, but as usual, that was Anthony’s fault and NOT Joey’s. A&A went 1-1 last week with a 30-22 win against Money Ball, followed by a 44-29 loss to Title Shot. Matty apparently had to scramble for a roster when he had some late cancellations so we can’t read too much into those games. These two teams are looking for a big win since there’s a good chance that this game could mean the difference between a first round bye in the playoff or not. This game is another ITS ON!!! Game if you ask me. Budding rivalry? Maybe. It’ll be close for sure. A&A BY 1

D3:

Slytherin That End Zone vs 3^rd And Schlong (EVEN) – Look out for a potential Game of the Day right here! 3AS remembered who they were this week and handed Morning Wood a 26-0 beatdown. SITE, after some positive reviews from Week 1 took a bit of a hit from AWDIQ in a 42-28 loss, but rebounded to defeat the Ultimate Warriors 39-12 to salvage Week 2. This game is an early D3 season matchup between two of the legit contenders for the title. This game should absolutely come down to the wire, and if you’re at the fields between 10 and 11, watch this and let me know the details. 3^RD AND SCHLONG BY 2

Peachy Platoon vs Ultimate Warriors (+10) – Oh THERE’S the Peachy Platoon I was talking about in the preseason! I got a lot of emails about this “Dean” fellow making a crazy catch. Thanks for making me look like a dummy Week 1 guys. Peachy looked every bit the part of a D3 contender last week, defeating the Sticky Bandits 42-28. The Ultimate Warriors went 0-2 last week, losing 39-12 to SITE and then 35-26 to Sticky Bandits. The Warriors aren’t having the best of starts this spring, but the last time we were down on them this early in the season, they won the D4 title as the Shredders from like the 7^th or 8^th seed in the playoffs when Sam Lattuca made Katherine Keller her bit…well, you get the idea. You can’t ever count them out. But, for now, I’m going with PP. PEACHY PLATOON BY 13

All We Do Is Quinn vs Sticky Bandits (+12) – Here we are in Week 3, and already LOTS of bets are coming in for that AWDIQ D3 championship. Quinn is arguably the most impressive team of the season so far, as they sit at the top of the D3 standings with a 2-0-1 record that includes wins over two big title contenders, SITE and 3^rd and Schlong. Quinn can argue they’ve had the toughest schedule so far as well, and Sticky in Week 3 only helps that argument. Jeff Krol’s Sticky Bandits are one of the smartest teams in the TSL, but last week they lost 42-28 to Peachy before coming back with a 36-25 win over the Ultimate Warriors. Things aren’t looking as bright as they’d like them to, and with Alex on the shelf with his groin injury, things could get worse in a hurry for the Bandits if they don’t find a QB soon. If Alex was playing, the line would be about +6. He’s VERY important to the Sticky game plan, and while losing your QB hurts just about ANY team, it just feels like its even worse here. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 15 (AWDIQ BY 3 IF ALEX PLAYS)

Frodo Swaggins vs Morning Wood (+3) – Morning Wood gave Dave Wilbern a present for his birthday last Saturday that he already has enough of: blowout losses. A 26-0 dismantling of MW by 3^rd And Schlong did have Dave’s birthday start off on the right foot, but rumor has it that he more than made up for it at the bar afterwards. Frodo Swaggins was off last week, but Garrett Beesing’s squad is looking to get their first win of the season. They’re sitting at 0-1-1 right now, and while they had a 44-21 loss to Sticky Bandits, they’re also the only team to really give AWDIQ a game so far, tying them 26-26. So which Frodo will show up this week? Which Morning Wood will show up this week? This is a game where the loser is going to start hearing the whispers of “maybe they should’ve been in D4”. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 4

D4:

Buffalo Solar Solutions vs Full Throttle (+8) – How about BSS? It appears the scores emailed to me last week that had them losing to Indecent Exposure 28-22 was incorrect and they won, according to toppersports.com. And then, they came out last week and just beat up on No Punt Intended 49-15. BSS is sitting at 2-0 on the season, and looking GOOD. Full Throttle didn’t take too kindly to some of the things being said about them, and took it out on Puckett All-Stars with a 36-28 victory. Lou and friends on FT are looking forward to this big Week 3 game, as its quite the measuring stick for who’s going to do what in this division. I liked seeing Full Throttle come out strong in Week 2, but I think BSS is gearing up for an eventual crash course with End Game for the D4 title. BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS BY 9

No Punt Intended vs Hung Buffalo (EVEN) -  Hung Buffalo has been a good, solid, consistent team for most of the last 100 years (or however long they’ve been playing together) and last week’s 1-1 effort (a 34-30 loss to Uncle Rico’s and a 46-34 win against Indecent Exposure) show that they’re a team to be reckoned with this season. NPI’s nice start was pretty much extinguished in the 49-15 loss to Buffalo Solar Solutions, and they find themselves staring a 1-4 record in the face by Week 3’s end if they don’t get themselves on the right page. They’re the epitome of a team with more questions than answers in the TSL and its on Kyle Conniff to get this team moving, or they’re looking at a long season. HUNG BUFFALO BY 6

Indecent Exposure vs Cobblestone (+10) – Cobblestone was smacked around by End Game last week 49-12. Granted, Darryl Carr QB Superstar was away on a business trip of some sort, but I’m not sure even HE would’ve mattered for that one. IE comes into the game with a 1-2 record in the division, after a loss to Hung Buffalo 46-34 last week. They’re right “in the mix” and should easily be a playoff team, but a game against Cobblestone is one they can’t afford to lose in what looks to be a tight divisional race all season. INDECENT EXPOSURE BY 14

No Punt Intended vs Cobblestone (+7) – Same as above for IE, No Punt Intended can’t afford a loss against Cobblestone here, as an 0-2 day gives NPI a very good chance to miss the playoffs completely. Cobblestone hasn’t shown the TSL much the last few seasons, so if they’re going to make their move, this week is as good as any. But, until they show us anything, I’ll take NPI giving the points. NO PUNT INTENDED BY 9

End Game vs Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers (+4) – Here we go. A big time matchup between two of the division’s better teams. Jon Senn’s Time Travelers played a bit true to form from what I said last week, as they beat Hung Buffalo 34-30, but a rested GLBS team caught them in the next game and beat them 24-0. This will be a true early test to really see if they have a shot at the D4 title or not. End Game is currently the class of the league. They boast an embarrassment of riches in the female department with Emily “I’m playing two divisions too low” Schilling and Stephanie “I get better every week” Czaja. Now, I had THREE people email me about ANOTHER girl who “looks pretty good too”, but I don’t know her name or what she’s about. If anyone can tell me, email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and let me know. Hell, if this girl is reading this, SHE can email me. Anyway, End Game waltzed over Cobblestone 49-12, and they look to be in the driver’s seat for D4, with BSS charging hard. This game will be a good one, but the girl advantage wins out. END GAME BY 3

GLBS vs Puckett All-Stars (+10) – What happened to you Puckett? Was my faith in you misplaced? A 36-28 loss to Full Throttle has a preseason favorite 0-2 and at the bottom of the division. GLBS, however, is getting noticed around the fields. A 24-0 stomping of Uncle Rico’s after a close loss to End Game will do that. This truly looks like a classic matchup of two teams traveling in opposite directions right now. GLBS BY 7

End Game vs Puckett All-Stars (+14) – What a hell of a doubleheader for Puckett this week. First they get the surging GLBS, and right after they’re getting End Game. Both teams will have good battles before they meet each other, but if both teams come out healthy, End Game should be able to take this one. We can’t account for exhaustion or injuries here, so END GAME BY 10

D5:

Matty’s Angels vs Hope and Ruin (+7) – Matty’s Angels are sitting pretty atop the division at 3-0 after a close 54-46 win against Five Star Generals and a not so close win against HomeTech 56-25. There’s not much more to say about the Angels that we haven’t said before. If Matty Ice is firing on all cylinders, there’s simply too much talent from this collection of most of WNY’s best female football players to stop them. But then again, Hope and Ruin has stopped them before. Hope and Ruin comes in at 1-1 on the season after last week’s 43-26 setback against the Cunning Stunts. Whether or not they learned anything from that game against a squad of amazing women for this week’s game against a squad of amazing women remains to be seen. MATTY’S ANGELS BY 8

Come From Behind vs Over Compensators (+6) – The OC was a great TV show. The OC is a not too bad football team. Yes, they’re 0-2, but they played the Angels tough in week one, and last week they had a 23-12 loss to the Pink Pteratacos. The OC needs to work on their consistency and they’ll be fine. Come From Behind has been working on their consistency together since 1995. That came in handy for their 29-27 win against HomeTech last week. Look for that consistency to reign supreme once again. If this matchup were a little later in the season, I’d consider going the other way, but COME FROM BEHIND BY 3

Ugandan Warriors vs HomeTech (+6) – HomeTech had an 0-2 week last week, dropping a very close 29-27 contest against Come From Behind before being taken behind the wood shed by the Angels, losing 56-25. The Ugandan Warriors (not to be confused with the Ultimate Warriors, by the way) were off last week after their 33-31 loss in Week 1 to the Cunning Stunts, which was ANOTHER game falsely reported to me (They had a 31-23 UW win, for the record). Anyway, props to Blasé LaDuca, who even on his team’s off day hung out at the bar all day and made friends with everyone. Reports came flying in that he even had a HUGE plate of pasta at the outside bar. It’s good to hear Blasé assimilating (you guys can google the definition) himself to the TSL Universe more and more. UGANDAN WARRIORS BY 10

Pink Pteratacos vs Five Star Generals (+3) – Okay, after having sent more scouts out to see who the hell the Generals were, it turns out its mostly (if not all) of our old friends the Cellino Sewer Rats. Somehow, it seems they got back in with our DJ friends and got the sponsorship back! Good for them! After the dismal showing in Week 1, The Generals came out swinging at Matty’s Angels, and almost pulled the upset before losing 54-46. The Pteratacos played their first two games of the season last week, and went 2-0, beating the Over Compensators 23-12 and then beating up a bit on Vandalay Industries 40-22. This should be a great game between two teams vying for the “best non-gender team in D5” title. I know that 5 Star sits last in their division, but they’re one good win away from 4^th. FIVE STAR GENERALS BY 1

Matty’s Angels vs Pink Pteratacos (+7) – I’m not yet sure the Pteratacos will be able to slow down the Angels for two full halves yet. Playing a “should be” tough game against 5 Star just before this might prove to be too much. MATTY’S ANGELS BY 15

Cunning Stunts vs Vandalay Industries (+12) – Team Topper Lite has some great females in Melissa and Karissa, but until they get a bit more seasoning they wouldn’t even crack the Stunts’ lineup. And that’s not a knock on the “issa’s” as much as it is a compliment to the strong roster the Stunts trot out. The Stunts are on a mission to get to Matty’s Angels, and I think poor vandalay may just be in the wrong place at the wrong time. CUNNING STUNTS BY 13

D6:

The Bambs vs Practice Squad (+8) – What a big Week 3 matchup for D6! Both teams are 2-0, but one of them is just playing a bit better than the other. The Bambs have seamlessly returned to the TSL and a Week 2 36-12 victory over TMA has us feeling like they’re becoming the divisional favorites. Practice Squad, a week after squeaking out a 24-22 victory comes back to beat The Bi-Polar Express 32-25. PS doesn’t think they’ve been playing their best football yet this season, and The Bambs will represent the true test on if “this year is the year” for them. THE BAMBS BY 6

pAssless Chaps vs TMA (With Rameer Green on Drums) (+7) – These two teams don’t really like each other, as some not surprising bad blood stemming from Prim’s actions (stop me if you’ve heard this before) got the Chaps in a tizzy last year. Things got even more bitter this offseason when Valerie Testa decided to spurn the Chaps to go play with TMA, knowing she’s crossing enemy lines. However, the Chaps have an inspirational leader in Coach Jay who will convince them to turn the other cheek like a modern day Jesus Christ. The Chaps didn’t fare too well in a 47-26 loss to the Jabronies last week, but they still did better than TMA did in a 36-12 loss to The Bambs. TMA has been a mess all season and it’s only been two weeks. Allegedly, they’ll have the entire 52 man roster there this week so there shouldn’t be any “we’re missing our QB” or “we’re missing two of our best girls” excuses this time around. If the time is now for TMA, they need to focus on the two things they do best: Drink Moonshine and throw the ball to Ron Webber. The entire league is a better place when this team is happy and winning. I think this is the week they find their mojo. TMA (WITH RAMEER GREEN ON DRUMS) BY 8

The Bi-Polar Express vs TMA (EVEN) – This game should be a fun one, as two of the league’s most fun teams square off in a battle that everyone should go down and watch. We already touched on the early season struggles of TMA, so lets talk about BPX. The Express finally got their season kicked off last week, but they came up short against the Practice Squad 32-25. Gordon stayed in his yellow shirt all day, but there was a “questionable” safety call by Billy Gunn that almost let the fans see the red. BPX played well in their first game together since last season, even if they were missing a few key girls. If they can keep the good plays going, there’s a chance that they’ll be able to score a mild upset, especially if TMA falls apart in the game before. THE BI-POLAR EXPRESS BY 4

Jabronies vs The Bi-Polar Express (+8) – The Jabronies continued their nice start to the season with a 47-26 victory over the pAssless Chaps that gives them a 2-0 start and a division lead. They boast some nice talent, and they’ll be looking to capitalize on a late game against Gordon’s girls that will be full of people playing their 3^rd game of the day. JABRONIES BY 9

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

1.      Seriously, if Chadwick goes out and beats Public Enemy, Eyes Downtown has to stick with him, right? Could Bobby be out of a job?

2.      If Dave Wilbern is the Captain of the “Guys who consistently ask themselves if they should play for a different team because it feels like they’re wasting their talents on their current one” All-Stars, is Ron Webber the Co-Captain?

3.      Can we PLEASE get to June 8^th with both the Cunning Stunts and Matty’s Angels being undefeated before their big matchup? Imagine an entire team vs team bra bet! Might have to build a bigger Brall of Shame.

4.      Where’s the music been? I’ve heard several complaints that there hasn’t been enough beats bumping at the fields.

5.      Would you play another night of TSL football? Rumors are starting to surface that there *might* be some night football in the future. But you didn’t hear that from me.

10 FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

1.      One thing I’ve been told a few times: more and more TSLers are NOT drinking and driving home this season. While this was a slight issue in the past, not only are more people sobering up or Ubering home, others in the league are making people who shouldn’t be driving stay at the bar. And to their credit, people aren’t arguing it and they stay! Way to be safe TSL!

2.      While the “Big One” is ON for this week, there’s quite a few games that are going to be pretty awesome to watch. Most notably Pink Pteratacos vs Five Star Generals, Gryffindor vs A&A, and End Game vs Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers.

3.      June 1^st is the TSL Spring Party! Clear your calendars and make sure you’re at the fields for this one!

4.      The Breakfast Club continues to do it right with the inclusion of bets for each game. Kelly Liddle is 0-2 in her bra bets and I’ve been told she’ll keep doing it until she wins one. Emily Curry having to write Emily Schilling a poem was awesome. And something happened in the other game that included Travis’ underwear that we can ignore, but alcohol was also involved. I can’t wait to see what happens this week. Bern Them All 34 - EmC HammerTime 32 , Schilling ‘Em Softly 46 – Hot TaMolly’s 32 , Natural Born Kellers 25 – Peanut Butter Kelly Time 17.

5.      I know I’ve taken a lot of shots at Alex of TEIM/Sticky over the years, but its been in good fun. Groin injuries are no joke, and I truly hope he’s going to be okay. He’s a great guy from what people tell me.

6.      My early season nominees for biggest surprise and biggest disappointment so far: Surprise: All We Do Is Quinn, Disappointment: Energy Buff.

7.      Someone tell Topper to get the wheel out and spin the thing. This league is always more fun when people can win bar tabs. Or when they have to direct traffic.

8.      I’ve been often imitated but never duplicated during my years writing this column for everyone. Even still, props to “The Build” Rameer Green and “The Sentinel” (whoever they are) for putting out some high quality stuff to read at the beginning of our week.

9.      Thanks to everyone that’s been emailing me about their teams and giving me some info on them. It’s hard not being at the fields and trying to get a feel for what’s going on without an hour phone call from Lenny every week. If you want your team or a player on them to get more pub, you really just have to email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. . That’s all. 

10.   I’ve been seeing some cool pictures of some of the new jerseys in the league. I joked earlier, but Public Enemy’s new threads to mimic Lenny’s red visor/shirt combo was a nice touch. Multiple teams have added some form of “LTA” as well. The Pink Pteratacos look cool. So do the new American Bullet Club jerseys. If you have some cool jerseys that you think should get the shout out, send me a picture.

Go out there this weekend and have fun. Remember, its just a game.

The Rumors of My Demise Have Been Greatly Exaggerated

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Thursday, 25 April 2019 13:04

Published: Thursday, 25 April 2019 13:04

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 7351

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, the snow has melted, spring has sprung, and on April 27^th, in the Year of Our Lord 2019, 46 football teams (52 if you include Breakfast Club) will begin the race for social co-ed football immortality.

Everyone has been waiting with bated breath to gather together at the Rose Garden with all of their league mates to enjoy football, friends, and maybe a drink or two.

Now, this season brings us many questions: Can Uncle Topper put it all together and win D1? Will 40 year plan guy and Katie Keller finally realize they need to stop fighting the truth and fall in love? How will fatherhood affect Joey Batts? Why are so many D2 teams scared of the D1 teams? Will Peachy Platoon take D3 after jumping up from D6 last season? What the heck is “Competitive” and “Recreational” doing on our standings page?

None of those questions are nearly as the important as the elephant in the room: How will the TSL fare now that we’ve lost our Commissioner, Lenny Alba? Will we band together and keep the shenanigans to a minimum? Or will some of us feel that the watchful eye is no longer around and try to pull a fast one on the league?

Year after year, I was blessed to have a weekly phone conversation with Lenny as he gave me all of the comings and goings of the league that week. As you know, I’m quite busy while living in my log cabin deep in Des Moines, Iowa. Lenny would fill me in on some key story lines before he’d fax me over the coming week’s point spreads. This time around is going to be so different. Thank you to Topper for agreeing to keep me informed, and while he won’t fax me the lines, he’ll still email them to me, which is so much more efficient anyway.

We all miss you Lenny. Forever our Commissioner.

Excitement is in the air now as we near the begin the 8 week march to the playoffs, and we have a lot more questions than answers.

Looking over the divisions, its going to be tough to distinguish which teams are going to be taking home the championships. Quite a few teams have merged, and quite a few have dispersed talent throughout the league.

Obviously, the rule book is not perfect. While there have been some slight changes, mostly everything is staying the same for this upcoming season. While there will still be those who try to find loopholes to exploit, Topper, Rameer, and most of the league will be watching to prevent that.

Very often, it’s the opposition who just got the short end of this scenario that ends up red faced and screaming at the bar to clue the league into those loopholes anyway, as though that’s magically going to get the call overturned in a game that ended 35 minutes prior on a field nobody they’re yelling to were even at.

Everyone needs to just take a deep breath, chill out, and just remember that this is only co-ed football.

You’ve read my ramblings long enough, so let’s get into what everyone is here for anyway: the predictions. While this season is shaping up to be an interesting season, it feels more like one of the “lets see where teams should be playing at next year” years.

Our abilities to really judge games and point spreads isn’t the greatest with all of the movement, so instead we’re going to turn to the old favorite: preseason odds for winning the championship.

Understand that all of this is subjective and none of it really matters until the games are played on the field, but if you’ve got a great reason why your team should be reconsidered, feel free to email, as always, at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

D1 (Or, Competitive 1)

PUBLIC ENEMY 2-1

EYES DOWNTOWN 3-1

MARKETING MAYORS 5-1

TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION 10-1

1 TODD 2 MANY 20-1

#XTC 25-1

As though Public Enemy needed any more reason to be considered the top seed, they got a lot more motivation this offseason. Eyes Downtown returns to be their foil, as Bobby looks to return from surgery to capture the title. Adding Taylor Pagano doesn’t hurt. Marketing Mayors fall right into their spot behind the other two, but don’t be surprised if they find themselves on top of the mountain once again. Tight Ends In Motion added Katie Salisbury, but does that help them get over their two biggest obstacles: Staying Healthy and Alex at QB? Topper decided his personal window was closing, added a few studs, and moved his team straight up to D1. This should be exciting to watch. XTC gains some of the left overs of Angry Buffalo and they look to compete more than they have in a while this year.

D2 (Or, Competitive 2)

ENERGY BUFF 3-1

GRYFFINDOR 5-1

THE FIELD 10-1

Energy Buff is Ben Stack’s newest addition to the TSL. The former Bad Apples look to be the early favorites in D2. Gryffindor boasts two “should be D1 stars” in Scott Miranto and Jeremy Burr, will this be their season? A&A has added the talents of Franco, but will Matty’s not so secretly falling apart shoulder lead them to glory? Bullet Club has gotten the band back together, welcoming Travis Cleavenger back into the fold. Money Ball is Tim Dove’s return to D2 as he’s put together a team mostly made up of the old Racks N Sacks. Finally, Title Shot boasts an impressive roster of 2011 All-Stars that are going to look to beat up on the competition.

D3 (Or, Recreational 1)

STICKY BANDITS 3-1

3^RD AND SCHLONG 5-1

PEACHY PLATOON 7-1

MORNING WOOD 10-1

THE FIELD 15-1

The time is right for Sticky Bandits as not only did all of their usual competition moved up a Division or two, but they’re getting back the soul of the team in Dave Baker. 3^rd and Schlong look to continue their impressive run in the TSL, and another Division title may be in their grasp. I may look foolish putting Peachy Platoon this high, but we learned one thing last session: They can play. How they fare against some of the better defenses in the TSL will be interesting to watch all season. Morning Wood is entering “will they ever?” territory, and a blanket poll of TSLers feel that you’re more likely to see Dave Wilburn storm off the field again than you will see Morning Wood win the title. As for the rest, All We Do Is Quinn is jumping up to D3, and while they boast some great athleticism, will they be able to compare to the better competition? Frodo Swaggins is Garrett Beesing’s entry into the TSL this season, and rumor is that he’s got a QB that was a D-III college star. He’s turning into Darryl before our very eyes. The Ultimate Warriors are always a tough out, as are Slytherin That End Zone. Lots of competition here in D3, er, Rec 1.

D4 (or, Recreational 2)

PUCKETT ALL-STARS 4-1

INDECENT EXPOSURE 5-1

NO PUNT INTENDED 7-1

END GAME 10-1

UNCLE RICO’S TIME MACHINE 10-1

THE FIELD 20-1

D4 feels like we’re going to see one heck of a season as well. Puckett has been a consistently good team, and with some of the teams that have left the division out of their way, it seems like they have an open path to the title. Indecent Exposure should have another great season with Josh at the helm. NPI is always lurking in this division, but their ability to choke in the playoffs can’t go unmentioned. End Game is the newest version of HK (insert number here), and they boast a killer female 1-2 punch with Emily Schilling and Stephanie Czaja. GLBS has some TSL fan favorites like Glenn and Chelsie Bird, and word is they also have the very talented Rachel Parker as well. Buffalo Solar Solutions looks to ramp it up a bit more this season, and rumor has it that they’ve got a VERY good QB coming aboard. Hung Buffalo is always a team that you can NOT sleep on. They’re very intelligent, and if you sleep on them, they’ll beat you. Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers have been practicing all offseason in order to create more team chemistry. It’ll be fun to watch that play out. Full Throttle has been stuck in neutral for most of their TSL career, but perhaps this is the time Lou can get his squad on the same page and pull some upsets? Finally Cobblestone may not be what they once were, but if Darryl can actually get all of these superstars he talks about to the fields, maybe they’re ready to claim a few victories along the way.

D5 (Or, Recreational 3)

MATTY’S ANGELS 3-1

HOPE AND RUIN 5-1

CUNNING STUNTS 6-1

VANDALAY INDUSTRIES 10-1

THE FIELD 15-1

This looks to be the closest division yet. Matty’s Angels show up as the preseason favorites yet again, but you just cannot forget about Hope and Ruin, who always have something to say come playoff time. The Stunts are always looking to shatter the idea that they’re the second best gender team in the league. Vandalay returns with Uncle Topper looking ready to sling it as he goes for D1 and D5 gold. The rest of the field is very imposing in their own right. Come From Behind’s wily veteran presence keeps them in most games. The Ugandan Warriors are essentially ACE, but with an actual quarterback under 60 years old. The Pink Pteratacos are the old UFO, as Mark looks to rid his newest team of the negativity that surrounded his old one. HomeTech is always a decent team. After that, I have no idea who the Five Star Generals or the Over Compensators are. Might they be this season’s Peachy Platoon? Could be!

D6 (Or, Recreational 4)

EVERYONE 6-1

I think every single team in this division has a chance at glory. The Bambs have been around forever and are looking to take home a title as they return to the TSL. The McKen…TMA is Brian Ferger’s squad that is looking at additions by subtractions this season, hoping the removal of some negativity can lead them to that elusive title. pAssless Chaps have always found themselves competing, but they sorely needed a QB. Enter Coach Jay, who will be entering the quarterbacking ranks this season. The Jabronies have been working hard in the offseason, practicing up a storm. Will it finally click for them on the field like it has off of it? The Bi-Polar Express really came on at the end of last season as Gordon and his girls really started to “figure it out” as a team. Here’s hoping their nice end to last season will carry over to this one. Finally, Practice Squad has been close many times here, but while this division is wide open, perhaps its finally their time?

5 QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

1.      Will B’s Brother return to the fields after finally having his suspension lifted? His Facebook says he’s going to try.

2.      Will fatherhood ruin Joey Batts’ career now that he’s the third biggest human in his own household?

3.      Can Uncle Topper win D1?

4.      Where’s the podcast? Joe K let it be known that he was going to continue it, yet I’ve heard and seen nothing yet.

5.      Will we spin the Topper Wheel of Hope?

10 FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

1.      This is always pretty standard, but please remember that this league, while wonderful, is for fun. Don’t take it as more than that.

2.      The Rose Garden is looking to be overflowing with our Week 1 excitement. Conduct yourselves accordingly and don’t anger the #DINNERCROWD.

3.      Breakfast Club is shaping up to be one of the best ever. All of the teams drafted pretty nicely, and while each team has holes somewhere, none of them stand out as too good or not as good as anyone else.

4.      If you haven’t signed up for Topper’s Super Kool Telegram App, do it now. It’s the quickest way to get information on your games. Like us on Facebook too.

5.      Preseason championship predictions: Public Enemy, Gryffindor, Sticky Bandits, Buffalo Solar Solutions, Cunning Stunts, The Bambs.

6.      Paul Nieman is returning to the TSL this season, this is not a drill.

7.      It’s terrible to hear that certain D2 teams cried about the idea of having to mix with the D1 teams that they threatened to not play at all. I won’t say who they are, but you’re better than that.

8.      Great move by Uncle Topper to hold off the season for two extra weeks. We’d normally be playing by now, but instead we’ve had more time to have the weather improve. Considering how the last two Saturdays went weather wise, this looks like a win, even if its ends up being 40 degrees this week.

9.      If you found the secret message in this article, good for you.

10.   I know it’s going to be weird without Lenny patrolling the sidelines or sitting at his corner in the bar. The TSL is headed towards uncharted territory. I do know one thing though, Lenny would be so mad that we’ve spent any time on him this offseason. As he’d put it: “The Show Must Go On.”

And so it will. Have fun Saturday!