Week 5 Rankings

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Wednesday, 26 May 2021 18:22

Published: Wednesday, 26 May 2021 18:22

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 2950

"Nobody who ever gave his best regretted it." – George S. Halas

Hello and welcome back to your TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  We're 156 combined games into the season with 78 left to go, and by now we've got a pretty good sense of who's the BEST of the BEST, and who's... well, not in our Power Rankings.  This week we're going to look at the following:

• The TSL QB Power Rankings - Top 25 in the League
• Division by Division Point Differential Analysis - Separating favorites from contenders to pretenders
• Final Observations

So let's get right to it.  Here are the Week Five TSL QB Power Rankings:

#1 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Beat Public Enemy 35-1, beat Why So Serious 40-23, beat Wolfpack 35-32 (subbing for The Angels)

Bro is now the #1 quarterback in the TSL Power Rankings.  Is this a controversial choice?  Some will say it is, and argue that he STILL hasn't beaten Cole, which is true.  They'll say he has an amazing surrounding cast, an incredible defense, and he's not doing it all by himself.  Of course, those statements are all true of Chris Cole as well.  But it was impossible NOT to rank Bro #1 this week, because he has the complete trifecta right now:  Best record in D1?  Check.  Best offensive points per game in D1, and best offense in the entire TSL excluding gender teams?  Check.  Head to head win over his strongest rival team?  Check.  You can put an asterisk next to that last one if you want - Cole wasn't there this week when TEIM annihilated Public Enemy.  But Bro doesn't have to apologize to anyone.  He beat the team that showed up, smoking the sixth best defense in the League in the process.  He's earned this.

#2 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Did Not Play (Public Enemy lost to Tight Ends in Motion 35-1)

The only thing that can defeat Cole in the Power Rankings apparently is his own absence.  He loses the top spot after a near record 8 consecutive weeks at #1.  The record he was chasing was of course his own, from when he once held the #1 ranking for 10 consecutive weeks.  Hell of a run, and what a bullshit way for this one to end, as he STILL hasn't lost a game this season.  Many will still consider him "the best" until Bro can beat him him head-to-head.  That's fair.  There's a ladder match coming up on June 5th though that pits the #1 seed against the #2 seed, so both top QBs will have a chance to definitively stake their claim as king of the mountain by winning that game.  Until then, Cole sits at #2.

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #2)

Last Week:  Lost to Sticky Bandits 36-26

In the first upset in an otherwise boring and predictable D1 this year, Eyes Downtown dropped a shocker to "second tier D1 team" the Sticky Bandits.  Although he didn't have his full complement of players, it was still surprising to most viewers to see Bobby lose a game to a team NOT called Public Enemy or Tight Ends in Motion.  A regular season loss by itself may not mean anything for Eyes Downtown as a team - Bobby is still one of the absolute best there is, and they're still capable of beating any team in the League on any given week.  But only two teams will get a first round bye in the D1 playoffs, and by losing to a team they're not "supposed" to lose to, Eyes Downtown may have just lost the inside track on one of those byes.  Bobby drops a spot in the Rankings but is still clearly a Top Three QB in the League (for now).

#4 Dean Thompson - Peachy Platoon - (Previous Rank #4)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No QB action from the Peachy Platoon star this week, although according to the Sentinel he played a big part in beating the QB ranked directly above him in the Eyes Downtown/Sticky Bandits game as a receiver.  Dean stays at #4 this week, but he's not out of reach of the "Big Three" if he continues his strong performance for the last few weeks of the season.

#5 Joey Batts - Mountain Dew Me / Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Beat Cobblestone 44-36, beat Not So Sticky 44-41, lost to Tight Ends in Motion 35-1 (subbing for Public Enemy)

No Mountain Dew Me game this week, but Joey continues to guide Cunning Stunts to an undefeated record and the highest scoring offense in the TSL (the ONLY offense better than #1 ranked Bro Kleckler).  Tough to say how his subbing performance for Public Enemy should affect his ranking this week.  We tend to think subbing is harder than usual games, as the QB isn't as familiar with his receivers, so maybe getting shut out on offense is attributable more to lack of chemistry with Public Enemy than any poor performance on his part.  On the flip side, this is one of the best rosters in the TSL in recent memory, and Joey guided them to zero offensive points, so couldn't you kind of hold that against him?  Well, we don't.  He stays at the #5 rank this week.

#6 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Beat Eyes Downtown 36-26

That was unexpected.  After scoring a combined 6 points in the first two weeks of the season, the Sticky Bandits have won a forfeit game, won their first "real" game against a D1 opponent, and then beat a D1 powerhouse in Eyes Downtown this week.  Their 3.0 points per game was dead last in the League (by a lot) those first couple weeks; their 45.0 PPG the last two weeks would make them the #1 offense in the League (if we conveniently ignored those first two weeks).  Seems like their slow start is behind them.  Any time you can outduel Bobby McConnell it's going to improve your stock in the Power Rankings, and Mike jumps from 10th to 6th with the biggest win of his QB career.  Do the Sticky Bandits have the legs to make some noise in the D1 playoffs?  Stats and conventional wisdom would suggest no, but we've been wrong about these guys before.

#7 Alex Buchlis - Sloppy Seconds - (Previous Rank #11)

Last Week:  Beat Why So Serious 39-16

Sloppy Seconds' win was hardly unexpected, as they've generally been competitive in games this year (and Why So Serious has been an attendance mess) but it's good to see Buchlis and his new crew of teammates pick up that first W of the season, and in dominating fashion.  Sloppy Seconds are currently fourth in D1 points per game, but they're less than a point behind Public Enemy for third (and don't give us "Cole wasn't there this week" - Buchlis is seemingly picking up new subs off the street every week for his team).  If they can get their full crew together in time for playoffs, they can be a very dangerous team.

#8 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Victorious Secret - (Previous Rank #9)

Last Week:  Beat Scared Hitless 22-20 (Losing Streak), lost to Graves Bros 51-34   

A 22-20 win over Scared Hitless isn't exactly the "statement week" that Jordan had previously, but a win's a win we suppose.  Losing Streak now has a winning record in the TSL's most exciting division, and they still hold the best offense in the division at 36.4 PPG (although the gap between them and the second best team shrank considerably this week).  We don't typically "reward" a QB in our Rankings for a modest win over a struggling opponent, but several other top QBs lost this week (or got injured) and Jordan didn't, so hey, he slides into the #8 spot this week.  

#9 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #15)

Last Week:  Beat When Dove Cries 46-40

Having Dubey outside of the Top Ten never felt right.  Fortunately XTC's 46-40 win over When Dove Cries pushes Dubey back where he belongs, as the suddenly competitive team is back to a .500 record and now boasts the second highest scoring offense in D2.  Should we hold it against Dubey that he missed one of XTC's two games this week and they still won handily with another QB under center?  Nah.  He's one of the most respected quarterbacks in the game, and XTC will always be better when Dubey is guiding the offense.

#10 Dylan Jaloza - TopShot - (Previous Rank #16)

Last Week:  Beat Untouchaballs 38-19, beat All We Do is Quinn 40-14

From Tater Tots to the Top Ten (alliteration is fun!) Dylan's rise to glory has been swift and exciting.  TopShot is the only undefeated team left in D3 after humbling Quinn and the Untouchaballs, and Dylan is passing for 37.6 PPG (sixth in the TSL).  Was he always this good when he played in D6, or is he just reaping the benefits of Blase's roster stacking?  Either way, TopShot has emerged as the new team to beat in D3 and as long as they stay healthy and hungry it'll be hard for anyone to stop them in the playoffs.  We say it every session, and we'll say it again: if you want to climb the QB Power Rankings, try your luck in a higher division.  Dylan is a perfect example of a talented QB who is finally getting his due as he plays against better competition.

#11 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins - (Previous Rank #8)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

Kind of bullshit to see Garrett drop three spots just for taking the week off, as Frodo Swaggins is still undefeated when he plays.  But his fall this week is more because of what Dubey, Thomas, Buchlis and Dylan did than anything Garrett did wrong.  He'll be back, he'll win games, and he'll push himself back into the Top Ten, we have no doubt.

#12 Travis Cleavenger - Breast Friends / A&A - (Previous Rank #23)

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 44-10 (A&A), beat Bullet Club 40-32 (subbing for XTD)

The biggest single week rise in the Power Rankings this season belongs to Travis, who jumps from 23rd to 12th this week.  There are really two reasons for that: 1) with Matty now on the injured reserve, it SEEMS like Travis will be the man for A&A for at least the rest of the regular season, and so far the results are encouraging.  A&A destroyed Bullet Club 44-10, so the drop-off from losing an all-time great like Matty to Travis doesn't appear to as big as the rest of D2 probably hoped.  2) Travis was ALWAYS better than 23rd if we're being honest, but we had a hard time justifying ranking him above QBs that played in higher divisions.  Now we don't have that issue anymore.  He's also undefeated in Breakfast Club, if anyone's keeping track.

#13 Scott Drosendahl - Bullet Club - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Lost to XTC 40-32, lost to A&A 44-10

Tough week for the gunslinger from Bullet Club.  After beating the two teams with the worst records in D2 the first couple weeks of the season, Scotty has since gone 0-4 against better teams, and seen Bullet Club slide to 8th in the division in both the standings AND offensive PPG. We think they'll probably still make the playoffs... but that isn't a lock anymore.  Bullet Club needs a win this week against Losing Streak to stop their... slide (we told you we wouldn't do any more "losing streak" puns, and so far we've kept our word) but that's going to be a tough game and Scotty's going to need to play his best to give the Club a shot.

#14 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries / TOX - (Previous Rank #12)

Last Week:  Lost to XTC 46-40, beat Slytherin 36-22 (When Dove Cries), lost to Cobblestone 32-8, lost to Practice Squad 40-24 (TOX)

Maybe Topper's getting too old to play four games in a day anymore.  He beat Slytherin, lost with a very respectable 40 points against XTC, and got beat by Practice Squad.  None of this matters though, as Topper clearly only cared about his rivalry game with Darryl, which did NOT go well for TOX.  At 1-5 TOX seems likely to hold on to the last playoff spot in D4 (Woodpeckers and Not So Sticky aren't catching anyone, as both teams only victories this season strangely enough come against D6 teams) but they can't be feeling too confident right now.  When Dove Cries has fared much better, and Topper has already clinched a non-losing season in D2.  Topper clings to the 14th spot in our Power Rankings on the back of their 4-2-1 record.  Hey, he has a better record than Bullet Club AND more offensive PPG.  Why isn't Topper ahead of Scotty?

#15 Matt Newman - Slytherin that end zone - (Previous Rank #14)

Last Week:  Lost to Passed Our Prime 43-21, lost to When Dove Cries 36-22

Newman must have read our article last week about his "always scoring between 30-31 PPG" and vowed to prove us wrong... by scoring only 21 and 22 in losing efforts to Passed Our Prime and When Dove Cries this week.  What's wrong with Slytherin right now?  These guys have been a great team the past couple of years, and now they're 2-4 and losing to previously winless teams.  Are they missing people?  Injuries?  Old age?  We would love to know.  Newman falls one spot in the Power Rankings this week as he looks to right the ship next week against XTC.

#16 Vince Taverna - All We Do is Quinn - (Previous Rank #13)

Last Week:  Lost to TopShot 40-14

This isn't the AWDIQ we know and love.  Team Quinn gets destroyed by the new D3 darlings TopShot as they fall to 2-2 on the season.  How is a Vince led team only fourth in their division in scoring?  We'll copy/paste the Slytherin commentary from above: "Are they missing people?  Injuries?  Old age?  We would love to know"  We always imagined they'd claw their way up to D2 eventually, but that looks less and less likely at this point in the season.  We're still rooting for them, but it's hard to imagine them beating the top D3 teams right now.

#17 Jeremy Olsen - Passed Our Prime - (Previous Rank #21)

Last Week:  Beat Slytherin that end zone 43-21

Passed Our Prime was long overdue for a win.  Do other teams in D2 realize that Olsen has been scoring 33.6 PPG, good for third in the division?? Offense has never been the problem, as Passed Our Prime has the single worst defense in the entire TSL by a whopping 7.4 PPG.  We sound like a broken record, but this is a different team when people actually show up, and Olsen is capable of keeping them in any game when he has even a halfway decent roster present.  He rises to 17th in the Power Rankings this week, and still has a very realistic chance to crack the Top Ten this season if he can finish it up with a few more wins.

#18 Andy Clark - Buffalo Vice - (Previous Rank #17)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No action for Buffalo Vice this week.  Andy drops a spot as Olsen surges past him.

#19 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad - (Previous Rank #18)

Last Week:  Beat Freeballers 33-23, beat TOX 40-24

Poor B wins two games, including one against a QB ranked higher than him, and gets rewarded by DROPPING a spot in the Power Rankings.  Fair?  Not really, but what can we do?  Andy is scoring almost a TD per game more than B in the same division, and both teams have one loss (B's comes head-to-head against Andy too).  Who would you have us rank B above right now?  The Power Rankings are more stacked than ever with top level QBs.  It's hard enough to crack this list, let alone climb above most of the legends included here.  We imagine Practice Squad probably cares more about their spot in the standings (they're one of only a few real contenders for the D4 title) than they do about the disrespect we show their QB in these Rankings.

#20 Joe Miano - Jabronies - (Previous Rank #19)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

Joe Miano gets the week off, drops a spot in the Rankings.  That'll teach HIM to have a bye week.

#21 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless - (Previous Rank #20)

Last Week:  Lost to Losing Streak 22-20

Losing by two points isn't a terrible week, and we aren't dropping Dylan too far in the Power Rankings for Scared Hitless's performance this week.  They remain last in their division in offensive PPG though, despite having some of the most talented female receivers in the game.  Three of Hitless's five losses this season have been by a single score - They're not THAT far away from contending, they just to have figure out a way to get about 10% better.  The pressure in these situations usually seems to fall on the QB (fairly or not) so Dylan's going to have a tall task ahead of him this week when Scared Hitless takes on Peachy Platoon.

#22 Dave Baker - Interdimensional Lightning Falcons - (Previous Rank #24)

Last Week:  Beat University Wealth Management 34-14

There are no teams really running away with D5 this session, so why not the Interdimensional Lightning Falcons?  Dave Baker guided his young team to another win this week keeping ILF right in the thick of the playoff race.  Other than their one encounter with Zack Attack's ridiculous defense, Baker has scored 33, 34, 40, 42 and 46 points in his other five outings this year.  These guys can play, and Dave has the athleticism and the football genius to give them a shot against anyone. Dave rises two spots in the Power Rankings this week as Puckett All Stars (Topper's betting favorite to win D5) are up next for ILF.

#23 "Coach" Jay Jaskier - Wasted Potential - (Previous Rank #22)

Last Week:  Lost to Puckett All-Stars 42-8

Coach Jay had led Wasted Potential to 30+ points every game this session... until a 42-8 thrashing at the hands of Puckett All-Stars.  That came out of nowhere.  We don't know if Wasted Potential were playing with a full roster this week, but the loss drops them to 3-3 and fifth place in the division.  If anyone can make the adjustments needed to come back from a loss like this, it's the Coach.

#24 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone - (Previous Rank #27)

Last Week:  Beat Woodpeckers 30-0, beat TOX 32-8, lost to Cunning Stunts 44-36

Rivalry game massacre vs Topper, check.  Shutout massacre vs Woodpeckers, check.  Upset win vs Cunning Stunts... okay, two out of three isn't bad.  Darryl Carr makes his Spring 2021 TSL QB Rankings debut this week (we should have had him on here from Week One) with a strong performance in his triple header.   Cobblestone has moved up a division and they're already back at a .500 record.  These guys invincible and nothing can kill them.  Like cockroaches, but with way better hair.

#25 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs - (Previous Rank #25)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for Itches and Ohs this week.  Steve stays at the 25th spot this week.

***

Division by Division Point Differential Analysis

Our long-time readers know that we like to include charts and graphs at the end of our Power Rankings showing how our teams stack up against each other.  The most efficient way to look at the WHOLE picture of team performance (strength of schedule and attendance quirks aside) is average point differential per game.  In other words, by how many points are you winning (or losing) games by on average?

Using this data, we're going to assign each team into one of the following categories:

1) Favorites - there can be more than one "favorite" in a division, but these are teams that no one would really be surprised if they won their division championship.  So Eyes Downtown for example might not be THE favorite to win D1, but they are certainly ONE of the favorites.

2) Contenders - these are teams that have the potential to surprise the TSL Universe and win some playoff games... but it's hard to imagine them actually winning three in a row to take home a championship

3) Pretenders - these are teams that we would be shocked to see win the championship, much less make it to a championship game.

What's interesting is that when we've done this in years past, we've noticed that there's sort of a natural cut-off in the graphs, and that teams with 6.0+ average point differentials tend to be favorites, and teams with -6.0 or less average point differentials tend to fall into the pretenders category.  We don't ALWAYS find that to be the case, but generally speaking the rule of thumb kind of works, so that's how we're going to label them on our graphs below (with our own biased commentary on whether we agree or disagree with the classifications for each division).  

Green is "favorite", yellow is "contender", and red is "pretender".  Enjoy!

QB Power Ranking Committee's Take: Exactly accurate for D1. Three favorites, one "contender" that's slightly better than the rest (we've removed Sticky Bandits' 21-0 forfeit win from the stats above; their average point differential is positive if that is included), and two that will struggle to beat the top teams in the division.

QB Power Ranking Committee's Take: Mountain Dew Me is a one loss team - we imagined they would be in the "favorites" class, but the chart suggests they might not be top tier.  We don't believe it.  Otherwise this looks about right to us.  Worth noting, if you strip out Losing Streak's 55 point win against short handed Passed Our Prime, they would go from "favorites" to a negative point differential.  But strip out ANY team's biggest win and it probably changes which grouping they fall under, so we're fine with leaving them as is.

QB Power Ranking Committee's Take: Yup.  One big favorite, a handful of contenders (Untouchaballs slightly surprising to us, but okay) and a couple teams that don't have much of a shot.  

QB Power Ranking Committee's Take: Five alleged "favorites" makes D4 one of the hardest divisions to predict this season.  Cobblestone and Jabronies look a bit inflated to us as "favorites" - both teams have lost all their games against other favorites, and all of their wins (including some stat skewing blowouts) come against the four teams with negative point differentials, so we tend to think they're more "contenders" than "favorites".  Not So Sticky and Woodpeckers are correctly NOT in the "contender" class.

QB Power Ranking Committee's Take: Maybe Topper is right about Puckett All-Stars.  The point differentials say they're the only favorite in D5, followed by six contenders (and one Keller team).  Not sure we would agree with that.  Zack Attack by the way is UNDEFEATED so crazy how they're not the favorites (they keep winning close ones... good for the standings, bad for their math).  We would have thought Breast Friends, Zack Attack and ILF would all be "favorites", but maybe not.  This is a pretty wide open division too.  Unless, of course, you're University Wealth Management.

QB Power Ranking Committee's Take: Yes, exactly right.  The Tots vs Spinelli's Plumbing SHOULD be your D6 finals.  TMA, Travis Henry's Kids, Graves Bros, BiPolar and Blitzkrieg are good enough to ruin that and crash the Finals (TMA in particular has handed the two "favorites" their only two losses on the season!), but the other three teams don't look ready to make a run yet.

**

Final Observations

• There were five undefeated teams last week, and two of them lost this week.  Your three remaining undefeated juggernauts are: TopShot (D3), Cunning Stunts (D4), and Zack Attack (D5).  There are no undefeated teams remaining in D1, D2 or D6.
• There were five winless teams last week, and two of them won last week.  Your three remaining winless teams are: Why So Serious? (D1), University Wealth Management (D5), and Juiced (D6).  There are no winless teams remaining in D2, D3 or D4.
• With Public Enemy's 35-1 loss to Tight Ends in Motion this week, there are no longer ANY undefeated streaks stretching back to last season.  The longest winning streak in the League NOW belongs to four different teams who are tied at 5 games apiece: TopShot, Zack Attack and Cunning Stunts (who are all 5-0) and also Practice Squad (who lost their first game of the season, and have won five in a row since).
• The longest losing streak in the League belongs to Why So Serious (7 games, dating back to last Fall) if we stick purely with teams that haven't changed names.  If we recognize University Wealth Management from this session as Intentional Pounding from last session (it's the same people...) then the longest losing streak in the League belongs to them (14 games, dating back to last Fall).

And that's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you demand actual Passer Ratings for each QB?  you wish we had the balls to show a Receivers Power Ranking?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

What’s YOUR ranking?

Week 3 Power Rankings

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Thursday, 13 May 2021 21:13

Published: Thursday, 13 May 2021 21:13

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 2237

"Championships are won by teams who love one another, who enjoy and respect one another and play for and support one another.” – Tom Coughlin

Hello and welcome back to your definitive, unquestionable, undisputed Quarterback Power Rankings!  In some weeks, building the QB Rankings are easier than others for our Committee.  Cole at the top, Bobby, Matty, Joey, Newman, all the usual faces, and the order sort of works itself out nicely.  Other weeks are a lot messier... and that's where we find ourselves right now.  It's hard enough when D2 is loaded with SO much talent that each QB can make a credible claim that they should be higher on our list... but to sort through our D2 Power Rankings nightmare while ALSO expanding to a Top Twenty this week (yes, we'll be covering even more of you this week), well, that's a real headache.

So let's get right to it.  Here are the Week Three TSL QB Power Rankings:

The top three are still the top three, but not in the same order...

#1 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Beat Eyes Downtown 34-28

The highest ranked Quarterback in WNY Touch Football has beaten the (previously) second highest ranked Quarterback in WNY Touch Football in a one-score game.  What did we learn from this?  Probably nothing we didn't already know.  Bobby became the first QB to drop 20+ points against the Public Enemy defense this season, and yet he still got outscored by the Champs.  Public Enemy is still undefeated, and Cole still gets to run his mouth about how great he is.  This was the first meeting of the "Big Three" QBs and their teams this season, and we still don't have anything resembling an upset win in D1 yet.  Public Enemy enters their bye week undefeated, which means there is approximately a 0% chance that Cole drops a spot NEXT week either.  

#2 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Beat Sloppy Seconds 52-20

Tight Ends in Motion could not have imagined a better start to their season.  Still undefeated, still the #1 offense in the TSL, still the #1 defense in the TSL, and still (obviously) the #1 point differential in the TSL, all while playing in D1.  In fact let's pause to look at their dominance graphically:

There are only ten teams in the League as of this moment that are winning by an average of 10.0+ PPG, as shown above.  Tight Ends is a full 11.3 PPG better than the next closest team.  We don't expect this will last: their next two opponents are Eyes Downtown and Public Enemy, who are ALSO on the chart above.  But hey, worth appreciating while it lasts.  Bro's 52 point effort combined with Bobby's loss to Public Enemy (and his near loss to the same team that Bro dominated this week) is enough to push Bro Kleckler into the #2 ranking.

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #2)

Last Week:  Lost to Public Enemy 34-28, beat Sloppy Seconds 43-40

A "glass half full" argument would say that Bobby was only 7 points away from beating the defending Champs and extending his record to 4-0 in D1.  A "glass half empty" argument would say that Bobby was only 4 points away from losing to Sloppy Seconds, and needed a huge second half comeback to catch up and avoid a 2-2 record.  Both are true of course, but that's football; any team is capable of winning just about any game... even if it has rarely felt that way in D1 this session.  As it is, Eyes Downtown is 3-1 with the second best offense in D1 and the 6th best offense in the entire TSL at 37.3 PPG.  Bobby is as "top tier" as it gets, and he'll get his chance to reclaim that #2 ranking next week IF he can take down Tight Ends in Motion and their #1 ranked... well, everything.

So there's your undisputed TSL Top Three.  After them, it gets really interesting, as we have half a dozen D2 QBs with great records and/or great stats and one overlooked D1 candidate.  We felt VERY strongly about #4, but after that... you could make an argument about any of the #5-#9 QBs in any order.  Here's how we ranked them...

#4 Matty Ice - A&A / The Angels - (Previous Rank #4)

Last Week:  Beat Losing Streak 32-6 (A&A), beat Vaspian 50-22 (The Angels)

Easy #4 here.  A&A is the only D2 team to have won every game this session (only one touchdown shy of leading their division for best offense) and the Angels are ALSO undefeated in D3 with the best offense in THAT division (second best in all of the TSL at less than 1 PPG behind Tight Ends in Motion).  Matty is 5-0 as a starter this session and showing no rust from his year off.  If both teams win championships (we're getting WAY ahead of ourselves here) will Matty move A&A up to D1 and Matty's Angels up to D2?  Odds are against ALL of that of course, but we can dream.

#5 Joey Batts - Mountain Dew Me / Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Lost to Peachy Platoon 32-25 (Mountain Dew Me), beat Woodpeckers 43-15 (Cunning Stunts)

Mountain Dew Me has a .500 record and is ranked fourth in D2 in PPG (behind two QBs lower than him in these rankings); that would be the argument for why Joey is too high in the Rankings.  Cunning Stunts are undefeated and tied for the third best offense in the entire TSL (43.7 PPG); that, along with the fact that Mountain Dew Me has been very competitive in D2, would be the argument for why Joey deserves to be this high in the Rankings.  Plus, you know... we've watched him play.  He's really good at this game.  The Mountain Dew Me vs When Dove Cries game should be a classic next week:  just two savvy, aging veteran QBs (with approximately the same running speed these days) doing battle for D2 supremacy.  You won't want to miss it!

#6 Scott Drosendahl - Bullet Club - (Previous Rank #6)

Last Week:  Lost to When Dove Cries 23-22

Bullet Club is no longer undefeated, but Scotty's ranking doesn't change this week.  He's still the highest scoring QB in D2 (barely) at 34.7 PPG, and a one-point loss to STILL undefeated When Dove Cries isn't enough to sink this ship yet.  Bullet Club has the 7th ranked defense in their division at this point in the season, and the only three teams with worse defenses are a combined 0-8.  The fact that B.C. is a point away from being undefeated is a testament to their offense, and that's our justification for keeping Scotty at #6 this week.

#7 Dean Thompson - Peachy Platoon - (Previous Rank #12)

Last Week:  Beat XTC 46-34, beat Mountain Dew Me 32-25

This is why we try not to overreact to Week One losses in our Power Rankings.  Since dropping their opener to Losing Streak, Peachy Platoon is 3-0-1 and scoring 37.3 PPG, which would be best in their division.  If we include that opening loss (which of course, we do) the Platoon is second only to Bullet Club, by a single point.  No, not a single point per game, a single point TOTAL.  Come on.  If you've SEEN Dean play QB before, you knew it was only a matter of time before he surged back into the Top Ten; this is one of the best athletes in the League.  Top Five is next...

#8 Alex Buchlis - Sloppy Seconds - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Lost to Tight Ends in Motion 52-20, lost to Eyes Downtown 43-40

Buchlis being the only 0-4 QB in our Top Twenty this week is bound to annoy some quarterbacks who think they deserve his spot, especially given how much importance wins and losses are typically given in these Rankings.  Having said that, of the four games Sloppy Seconds have played this year, one has been against the #1 ranked QB, one has been against the #2 ranked QB, and TWO have been against the #3 ranked QB.  No, Topper did NOT do these guys any favors with the scheduling.  All Buchlis has done during that stretch is scored 19 against the Champs, 20 against TEIM (more than their other two opponents combined) and 21 then 40 against Eyes Downtown in their two matchups, nearly winning the second.  Is there a single quarterback below the #8 spot that would be better than 0-4 against this schedule?

#9 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries / TOX - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 23-22

Remember when the 2011 Denver Broncos put in a TERRIBLE Tim Tebow and somehow ripped off six wins in a row to shock the world?  We feel like we're seeing it again with When Dove Cries in the TSL.  After their resounding win over a "still struggling in D2" Scared Hitless, Team Topper has tied Peachy Platoon, beaten Losing Streak by 3, and beaten Bullet Club by 1.  When Dove Cries is the 5th ranked offense in their division and the 2nd ranked defense which is why we don't have Topper higher in our rankings, but he's making every play when it counts and turning back the clock to Fall of 2019 when he and Matty and Dean dominated D2.  Look at the standings now, and it's the same three QBs on top of the standings.  Pretty impressive for an elderly athlete, we think.

#10 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins - (Previous Rank #16)

Last Week:  Beat All We Do is Quinn 41-34

Frodo Swaggins lost Scotty Dro in free agency to Bullet Club and captain Garrett Beesing took over at QB.  This really felt like a "take a step backwards" season for Frodo... and yet they're undefeated with the fifth highest scoring team in the entire TSL (third highest if we exclude the top gender teams).  Wow.  They're not just beating bad teams either, as their latest win comes against D3 powerhouse All We Do is Quinn.  When was the last time those guys lost a regular season game?  Garrett Beesing, you have our attention, and you are officially one of the ten best quarterbacks in the TSL (at least, for now).  As we said last week for Vince, it's hard for a D3 team to climb much higher than 9th or 10th... but wouldn't it be amazing if he could catch #6 Scotty Drosendahl?  Not impossible...

So there's your Top Ten for the week.  We always try to expand throughout the season to give coverage to more and more of our players, so this week we've expanded to a Top Twenty.  This makes some people happy ("yay, they're talking about my team!") and some people very unhappy ("I'm not even top TWENTY?  I just assumed I was 11th!").  Don't like where you're ranked (or unranked)?  Write us an email and complain.  All we ask is that you don't try to justify why your QB should be higher than someone in a higher division, because that argument always goes the exact same way ("yes, you're doing very well, but you DO realize that defenses are a lot harder in higher divisions, right?").  With that said, let's take a look at QB's #11-#20.

#11 Vince Taverna - All We Do is Quinn - (Previous Rank #9)

Last Week:  Lost to Frodo Swaggins 41-34

Vince has been in our Top Ten for 19 consecutive weeks dating back to Week Six of the Spring 2019 season nearly two full years ago.  All good things must come to an end.  There was only room for one D3 QB in the Top Ten this week, and Garrett has a better record, better stats (5.0 PPG higher than Quinn's) and now a head to head win against AWDIQ.  No contest there.  We imagine Vince will bounce back quickly; anyone who has watched this team play knows how valuable a player he is.  D3 appears harder than ever this season though, so it might be a bumpier road to the playoffs than Quinn is used to.  The Angels and TopShot both look pretty legit, and with Frodo taking a big step forward this session, Quinn can't expect to dominate like they usually do.

#12 Matt Newman - Slytherin that end zone - (Previous Rank #15)

Last Week:  Beat Scared Hitless 31-7

Speaking of long Top Ten streaks recently broken, Newman's own 18 week streak (dating back a week BEFORE Vince's began) was broken at the start of this season when he missed the opener against A&A.  That wasn't punishment for missing a game (we try not to do that unless someone's attendance is REALLY bad), it was more a reflection of other great quarterbacks who have shined lately.  But Newman isn't going anywhere and has SITE back on track with a big win over Scared Hitless this week.  A&A is back, the "real" Peachy Platoon is back, and Topper seems to be back as well (for now) but none of these teams were 5 points away from winning the last D2 finals.  Slytherin was, and Newman's 1-0 start should remind other D2 teams that there's another serious contender in this already packed division.

#13 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Lost to Peachy Platoon 46-34

Falling six spots this week is Dubey who played well in a losing effort against Peachy Platoon this week.  The Dilfs breakup has been hard for XTC apparently, as they're off to an 0-3 start this season.  Dubey will try to right the ship against Scared Hitless this week, which is essentially a must-win game for both teams.  Whoever starts 0-4 is unlikely to make the playoffs in this brutal division.  We're betting on XTC as their offense has been much stronger so far, but Scared Hitless have surprised us before (no, we're still not over last season's D3 Finals).

#14 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #14)

Last Week:  DNP (forfeit win over Why So Serious?)

What a tragic start to the Sticky Bandits season.  After getting outscored 71-6 in the first two games of the season against last year's D1 finalists, Sticky Nation had a very winnable opportunity against Why So Serious in Week Three.  Unfortunately no one showed up for WSS, and the Sticky Bandits' first ever D1 win came by forfeit.  That's good news for their spot in the standings... bad news if they wanted to actually play a competitive football game.  Thomas still has only one TD through three weeks and Sticky is the lowest scoring team in the League, but we imagine few teams would do much better with their only games against Public Enemy and Tight Ends in Motion (the single hardest two game start imaginable).  We still think Mike is a top QB in this League, but the schedule hasn't given him many opportunities to prove it yet.

#15 Dylan Jaloza - TopShot - (Previous Rank #19)

Last Week:  Beat Wolfpack 46-14, beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 25-6

Dylan Jaloza was barely on our radar coming into this season despite QBing for one of the most talent stacked teams in D3 (any team with Chris Nelson should immediately be a contender).  The early results have been very strong though: TopShot is 3-0 with the 7th best offense in the League (5th best non-gender team) and they've scored only 7 fewer points than also undefeated Frodo Swaggins.  If Garrett's a Top Ten quarterback, and TopShot beats them this season... what does that make Dylan?  Impressive jump from D6 Tater Tots (is he still QBing there?  We hear he's part of a QB tandem?) to flirting with Top Ten status.  We've said it before and we'll say it many more times folks... the easiest path to shooting up the Power Rankings is to play in higher divisions (and win).

#16 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Victorious Secret - (Previous Rank #13)

Last Week:  Lost to A&A 32-6 (Losing Streak), lost to Tater Tots 37-8 (Victorious Secret)

It was a rough week for Jordan's teams, who scored only 14 points over two losses.  But Losing Streak in particular had been doing better in previous weeks: they are still the only team to have beaten Peachy Platoon this session, and they HAD been averaging 35 PPG (which would have been best in D2 right now, if they hadn't run up against a brutal A&A defense this week).  The good news for Jordan is that Losing Streak started their schedule with games against the three best opponents in D2, so the schedule should get easier from here (as easy as any game can be in this division).  Next up is winless Passed Our Prime, quarterbacked by the next man on our Power Rankings

#17 Jeremy Olsen - Passed Our Prime - (Previous Rank #17)

Last Week:  DNP

Passed Our Prime had the week off so no updates on Olsen this week.  His incredibly successful Winter session team is off to a slow start this season as attendance issues have made it hard for him to compete with a full roster.  Every week the "where's Bloomfield?" questions get louder and louder, and if this team ever actually shows up, they're going to be hard to stop.

#18 Andy Clark - Buffalo Vice - (Previous Rank #21)

Last Week:  Beat Itches and Oh's 51-16

Buffalo Vice are the third highest scoring team in the TSL (tied with Cunning Stunts, the only team to have beaten them) at 43.7 PPG.  Andy's so consistent, and this team (be it "Vice" or "Solar Solutions") has always been successful when he plays.  They're ALSO the fifth best team in the TSL for total point differential per game right now, so they've got a defense that plays nearly as well as their offense, and that kind of balance makes them one of a few legit contenders for the D4 championship this season.  Expect a fairly large betting line for the Buffalo Vice vs TOX game this week.

#19 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad - (Previous Rank #22)

Last Week:  Beat Jabronies 31-28, beat Cobblestone 40-8

Other than a blowout loss to Buffalo Vice a couple weeks ago (and some losses to Mountain Dew Me in D5 last season... remember when these teams played in D5???) Practice Squad has been dominant, and they're 2-1 to start the Spring 2021 season as well.  B dismantled the veterans of Cobblestone by 32 points, and beat former Top Ten QB Joe Miano the same afternoon.  Expect another great season from Renee's squad and nothing but consistent excellence from B.

#20 Joe Miano - Jabronies - (Previous Rank #20)

Last Week:  Beat TOX 38-28, lost to Practice Squad 31-28

The Jabronies were a play away from the D2 Finals last session, but life changes pretty quickly.  Ben Stack, Eric Kleckler, Amy Taylor and others are gone, and the Jabronies have retooled as a D4 team seemingly starting over. Joe Miano has the confidence from playing in upper divisions though, and he knows he can beat just about anybody.  His squad is off to a 1-2 start, but as long as they have Joe (and Ryan) we expect they'll be competitive every week, especially as Joe starts to gel with his new receivers.

***

Pointless Power Ranking of the Week

Our long-time readers know that we like to include charts and graphs at the end of our Power Rankings showing how our teams stack up against each other.  Well, it's a little early in the session for all that, so in the meantime, let's keep ranking something pointless (as opposed to the "serious" business of QB rankings of course).  

Last week the Power Rankings Committee voted on the Top Ten best free agent acquisitions, and before that the Top Ten best team names. Each week we'll try to look at something different.

Here are your Top Ten Best Female Pass Rushers this Spring 2021 season, as voted on by our Committee (in the interests of creating suspense, we'll count down from Ten):

"Is Maggie even PLAYING this session?"  Doesn't matter, she's the "GOAT" of pass rushing, and we're not going to publish a list of pass rushers and NOT include her at the top.

**

Final Observations

• There are nine undefeated teams remaining, including Public Enemy and Tight Ends in Motion (D1), A&A and When Dove Cries (D2), TopShot, The Angels and Frodo Swaggins (D3), Cunning Stunts (D4), and Zack Attack (D5).  There are no undefeated teams remaining in D6.
• There are ten winless teams remaining, including Sloppy Seconds and Why So Serious? (D1), Passed Our Prime, XTC and Scared Hitless (D2), Vaspian and Grey Hair - Don't Care (D3), University Wealth Management (D5), and Juiced and Victorious Secret (D6).  There are no winless teams remaining in D4.
• Only two of last season's champions (Public Enemy and The Angels) remain undefeated this season.  The combined record of the other four division champions is 3-8, and none of those teams have a winning record (Mountain Dew Me is 1-1).
• The longest winning streak in the League belongs to Public Enemy (8 games, dating back to last Fall).
• The longest losing streak in the League belongs to Why So Serious (5 games, dating back to last Fall) if we stick purely with teams that haven't changed names.  If we recognize University Wealth Management from this session as Intentional Pounding from last session (it's the same people...) then the longest losing streak in the League belongs to them (12 games, dating back to last Fall).

And that's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  your rusher is WAY better than the girls we listed here?  you're ready for the "best offenses / best defenses" charts that we're so famous for?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   

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Week 4 Rankings

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Friday, 21 May 2021 15:22

Published: Friday, 21 May 2021 15:22

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 4164

“I love me some me.” – Terrell Owens

Hello and welcome back to your TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  We have a good amount of movement in our charts this week as we hit our halfway point of the season.  Some QBs are in the midst of thrilling rises up the Rankings while others are experiencing humbling falls.  This is what we have in store for you this week:

• The TSL QB Power Rankings - Top 25 in the League (our most expansive rankings so far this season)
• Pointless Power Ranking of the Week - We're actually skipping the Pointless Power Ranking this week due to time constraints (we're publishing these Rankings on a Friday AFTER the Godfather, so you know we're behind schedule!)
• Best and Worst of the TSL - for the first time this season we'll take an in depth look at which teams have the best (and worst) offenses and defenses in the League.
• Final Observations

So let's get right to it.  Here are the Week Four TSL QB Power Rankings:

For each Quarterback this week we'll play devil's advocate and argue amongst ourselves why they should be higher or lower in the rankings (higher meaning "better" in this context, not a higher numbered rank, which of course would be worse):

#1 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

"Rank him higher!":  Well, he can't be any higher than #1

"Rank him lower!":  Public Enemy is 15th in total offense and 3rd in offense in D1.  Shouldn't the #1 QB be #1 at... SOMETHING?

Final verdict:  Of course he should be #1, he's the last undefeated D1 QB and he does enough to win every game.  Public Enemy still boasts the longest active winning streak in the League, so they're #1 at that.  Moving on.

#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Beat Tight Ends in Motion 48-29

"Rank him higher!":  Eyes Downtown is averaging a full 6.4 PPG better than Public Enemy on offense, and a whopping 11.6 PPG worse on defense.  This isn't a "Team" Power Rankings, it's a QB Power Rankings, and Bobby is putting up more points than Cole.  

"Rank him lower!":  If we're going to argue Bobby deserves the #1 spot because he scores more points than the other guy... then shouldn't it matter that he's scoring FEWER points per game than #3 Bro Kleckler?

Final verdict:  Eyes Downtown is 4-1 in Division 1, and they've beaten every team they've faced EXCEPT for the one quarterbacked by the man in the #1 spot today.  Easy decision, Bobby is #2 this week, and will be until he (or someone) beats Cole.

#3 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #2)

Last Week:  Lost to Eyes Downtown 48-29

"Rank him higher!":  Tight Ends are still the most prolific offense in D1 at 43 PPG, and less than 1 PPG behind Cunning Stunts (who score 8 points per TD) for the best offense in the TSL.  Best offense in the best division should be ranked higher than third, right?

"Rank him lower!":  Tight Ends were clearly outclassed by the first great team they faced this season.  They had built a 3-0 record beating up on the second tier of D1, and then failed their first big test when it mattered.  Is this a preview of the playoffs?

Final verdict:  Where else would you rank Bro but third right now?  He lost to Bobby, who in turn lost to Cole, who in turn lost to nobody.  The top three are exactly what they should be right now.  What happens if TEIM manage to upset Public Enemy this week though?  If each top QB can go 1-1 against each other, wouldn't the next tiebreaker be points per game?  The Committee will agonize over that next week... if Bro can get that W.

#4 Dean Thompson - Peachy Platoon - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Beat A&A 26-20

"Rank him higher!":  He's the best athlete on the board, plain and simple, and he has led his team to the best record in D2 at this point in the season.  We realize it's a tough sell that he should be "higher" than the three D1 quarterbacks above him, but if you put Dean on Public Enemy, Eyes Downtown or TEIM... isn't it possible he'd have led each team to the same record (or better)?

"Rank him lower!":  He's the highest ranked quarterback in D2, but Peachy Platoon is second to Losing Streak in offensive PPG in the division, and they actually LOST to Losing Streak head to head.

Final verdict:  D2 is such a tight division, but Dean has earned the #4 rank this week.  He's narrowly ahead of nearly every team in his division in offensive PPG, and he hasn't really had one "bad" game yet.  He has also beaten Joey and Matty in consecutive weeks, which must be some kind of record.  Peachy's slow start is in the rearview mirror now, and they've emerged as potential favorites to win the division.

#5 Joey Batts - Mountain Dew Me / Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Beat When Dove Cries 36-22, beat Slytherin that end zone 36-30

"Rank him higher!":  Here is the complete list of D2 quarterbacks who have won 75% of their games AND scored an average of 30+ PPG: Joey Batts.  Newman and Topper are a combined 5-0-1 against QBs NOT named Joey Batts in D2 this season, and 0-2 against the former Alt Podcast star.  Oh, and he QBs the single highest scoring offense in the entire TSL right now with Cunning Stunts.  Why didn't we lead with that?

"Rank him lower!":  How could he be worse than fifth, when he's a combined 6-1 and averaging nearly 38 PPG between both of his teams?

Final verdict:  Joey is good enough to be ahead of every other D2 QB... but not good enough to beat out that Peachy guy with slightly better numbers AND the head-to-head win this season.

#6 Matty Ice - A&A / The Angels - (Previous Rank #4)

Last Week:  Lost to Peachy Platoon 26-20 (A&A), lost to Frodo Swaggins 45-33, lost to Grey Hair - Don't Care 42-27 (The Angels)

"Rank him higher!":  No Quarterback in the League has more TOTAL points scored this season than Matty, and although his win/loss record isn't necessarily better than all other two-team QBs, no one else is attempting to play in two divisions as high as D2/D3 (all on one gimpy leg as well, if rumors are to believed).

"Rank him lower!":  To stay on top of the Power Rankings you have to have either the wins or the stats (preferably both) and right now Matty has 3 losses and the seventh best offense in D2.  Seems charitable to rank him ahead of so many other teams in his divisions with better points and records.

Final verdict:  One bad day does not make a bad Quarterback.  Prior to this week, Matty was undefeated with teams in both D2 and D3.  He's absolutely going to take a hit by going 0-3 this week, but he didn't suddenly become mediocre overnight.  Time (and his health) will tell whether he's still a great QB who had a bad week or an aging athlete on the decline, but we expect the former.  Dean and Joey both shoot past Matty this week (Dean by virtue of a head-to-head win) but Matty will have his chances to catch up.

#7 Scott Drosendahl - Bullet Club - (Previous Rank #6)

Last Week:  Lost to Slytherin that end zone 30-26

"Rank him higher!":  Well, he's scored more points per game than the guy ahead of him while playing in the same division, that feels like a decent reason why we should have ranked him higher.

"Rank him lower!":  Bullet Club has zero "signature wins" to date this year: they're 2-2 (every QB ranked above Scotty has a winning record) with a pair of one-score wins over the teams with the two worst records in the division.  Was their early success a product of a soft schedule?

Final verdict:  This is a brutal division and Scotty has Bullet Club right in the thick of it.  We don't think he's at that "Dean/Joey/Matty" tier quite yet, but to be fair he hasn't played any of those guys yet.  How he fares in the big games will determine whether he's on the path to superstardom or just another "middle of the pack" D2 QB (not that there's anything wrong with that).

#8 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Beat The Angels 45-33

"Rank him higher!":  Frodo Swaggins is the third highest scoring team in the TSL, and Garrett now has head-to-head wins over the mighty Angels and the "suddenly mortal" All We Do is Quinn.  

"Rank him lower!":  No question that Garrett has played exceptionally well, but he's currently ranked above three D1 quarterbacks and six D2 quarterbacks.  Has he been THAT good?  

Final verdict:  He's been that good.  This has been an incredible (and not to be insulting, but somewhat surprising) start for Frodo Swaggins this season.  The wins, the stats, the "eye test", Garrett's cleared every hurdle this season, and he's only getting better.  That's not our opinion either, he's literally getting better at scoring points every week, as he has 37, 39, 41 and 45 in his last four games.  

#9 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Victorious Secret - (Previous Rank #16)

Last Week:  Beat Passed Our Prime 84-29 (Losing Streak), beat Juiced 43-42 (Victorious Secret)

"Rank him higher!":  After scoring 14 total points two weeks ago, Jordan rebounded with an absurd 127 this past week.  He's now the highest scoring quarterback in D2 by a mile (40.0 PPG, a full touchdown ahead of Dean's 33.2 PPG) and yet he's sitting behind four other quarterbacks in his own division in the Rankings?  That doesn't sound right.  Also as the Sentinel pointed out... that Victorious Secret walk-off TD was the stuff of legends.

"Rank him lower!":  Okay, the ass kicking he laid on Passed Our Prime wasn't exactly against their best talent, as we hear they played short handed with only three guys, but that's not Jordan's fault.  You can only beat the team that shows up to play you.  But it DOES inflate his absurd scoring a bit, so we have to take the numbers this week with a grain of salt (especially since Losing Streak apparently had several defensive touchdowns at the end to run up the score, which has nothing to do with their QB).

Final verdict:  Jordan makes his TSL QB Power Rankings Top Ten debut this week, jumping seven spots in the process.  Losing Streak has a meaningful win over a top contender in Peachy Platoon, a humbling loss against another top contender in A&A, a close loss to Team Topper, and a blowout victory over a winless team.  They're right in the thick of the D2 race, and Jordan still has yet to play Scotty or Joey, both ranked above him.  Those will be big opportunities to climb the Rankings even more.  

#10 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #14)

Last Week:  Beat Sloppy Seconds 54-16

"Rank him higher!":  Thomas is a D1 quarterback with a .500 record, who just dropped 54 points against an opponent.  Read that sentence again.  Of course he deserves to be higher than 10th on this list, come on.  The only reason he isn't is clearly because he's being punished for having the balls to try our highest division (which others on these Power Rankings go to GREAT lengths to avoid).

"Rank him lower!":  We said earlier that one bad day didn't make Matty suddenly a bad quarterback... but one good day against a winless opponent doesn't suddenly make Thomas a top tier quarterback either.  Ignoring their forfeit win from a couple weeks back, Mike's point totals this season are 6, 0, and 54.  Yes, he probably would have had a great day against Why So Serious if those teams had played, but the Sticky Bandits are STILL the sixth worst offense in the TSL even AFTER a 54 point explosion.

Final verdict:  It's impossible to effectively rank quarterbacks based on wins and scoring when their schedules seem to Tight Ends in Motion and Public Enemy every week.  We're ranking the sixth worst quarterback in the TSL at scoring points as the tenth BEST in our Power Rankings, which is a testament to the competitiveness of that division.  Don't like it?  Move up to D1 and see if you can beat Thomas with your team.

#11 Alex Buchlis - Sloppy Seconds - (Previous Rank #8)

Last Week:  Lost to Sticky Bandits 54-16

"Rank him higher!":  Alex Buchlis actually has more points per game than his former team, and while they got the best of him this week (Sloppy Seconds was missing several key players) his offensive output has actually been pretty good.  The big knock on Buchlis is that he's 0-5 right now, but it's tough to win games when you have the second worst defense in the TSL.

"Rank him lower!":  Alex is one of only two winless quarterbacks in the Top Twenty Five this week, and by far the highest ranked.  Sloppy Seconds may be scoring more points than Alex's former team (although that's a pretty low bar right now) but they're still only 42nd in the League in scoring.

Final verdict:  Same commentary as Mike Thomas's above.  Just copy and paste it and change the numbers a bit.  This is Division 1, dear readers.  If you thought you could win games there... you would have entered your own team in D1.

#12 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries / TOX - (Previous Rank #9)

Last Week:  Lost to Mountain Dew Me 36-22 (When Dove Cries), Lost to Buffalo Vice 28-27 (TOX)

"Rank him higher!":  He's STILL 3-1-1 in D2.  The guy loses one game and we immediately demote him out of the Top Ten?  The two QBs ahead of Topper are a combined 2-7.  Hell, Scotty and Jordan play in the same division as Topper and they both have more losses than him.  Is this a conspiracy by our Committee to enact revenge on Topper for not paying us enough?

"Rank him lower!":  When Dove Cries is the 8th best defense in D2, and yet Topper is the 6th ranked quarterback from his division.  Dubey and Olsen are both outscoring Topper in PPG, and sit below him in the QB Rankings.  Is this a conspiracy by our Committee to help promote the guy whose League is named after himself? (Real diva move there, Topper.  You couldn't have called it "The Rose Garden Sports League"?)

Final verdict:  The WDC ladies definitely make him look better than he is, but ol' Topper's the real deal, and still a contender in our most competitive division.  We like his odds against every QB below him on this list.  We don't like his odds against every QB above him on this list.  That makes us feel pretty sure we got this one right.

#13 Vince Taverna - All We Do is Quinn - (Previous Rank #11)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

"Rank him higher!":  We essentially punished Vince for having a bye week, by dropping him two spots.  Bullshit.  He's better than this.

"Rank him lower!":  He WAS better than this at least.  Quinn is currently fourth in D3 for points per game, and feeling less and less like the division favorites as Frodo and TopShot (and some say the Angels as well) have overtaken them in recent weeks.  The days of Vince's domination seem more and more like an old memory now. 

Final verdict:  Not fair to lose two spots in the Power Rankings on a bye week, but a D1 quarterback scored 54 points in a win, and a D2 quarterback scored 84 points in a win.  We can't NOT reward them.

#14 Matt Newman - Slytherin that end zone - (Previous Rank #12)

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 30-26, Lost to Mountain Dew Me 36-30

"Rank him higher!":  Barely lost to the #5 ranked quarterback in the League.  Barely beat the 7th ranked quarterback in the League.  Doesn't that mean Newman should be about sixth, instead of, I don't know, FOURTEENTH?  And didn't he used to beat the guy ranked directly above him, until he won D3 and moved up a division?  Newman is the only quarterback in D2 to score 30+ points in every outing this session.  The only other guy to accomplish that in an equal or higher division is ranked #1, so what is Newman doing at 14th???  

"Rank him lower!":  Newman might be the only quarterback in D2 to score 30+ points in every game, but he's somehow also the only quarterback in D2 NOT to score 32 points or higher in a game yet.  That's right: he's scored 30 or 31 points in every game so far this season.  Consistent... but not spectacular.  And while he didn't play the first game of the season (for reasons we have no idea) shouldn't that count against him?  Slytherin LOST without him, so now they're 2-2 with a QB that can't score 32 points in a game.  

Final verdict:  Teams should generally win when they score between 30-31 points, so we think that's more of a credit than drawback for Newman.  It's still early in the season - if we're underrating him, he's got plenty of time to prove us wrong.

#15 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #13)

Last Week:  Beat Scared Hitless 38-30

"Rank him higher!":  Dubey is kind of an all-time legend.  Maybe he's earned the benefit of the doubt despite XTC's slow start?  He was ranked #2 overall in our Power Rankings at one point, an honor only six Quarterbacks in the history of the Power Rankings can claim.

"Rank him lower!":  XTC just doesn't look very good right now.  Their only win is by a single score over a nearly winless Scared Hitless, and it's tough to climb the charts when you're not winning or putting up big points.

Final verdict:  XTC is 8th in the standings and 6th in their division in points scored.  Dubey is the 8th ranked QB in his division.  We feel like we got this one right.

#16 Dylan Jaloza - TopShot - (Previous Rank #15)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

"Rank him higher!":  Five teams have undefeated records at this point in the season, and three of the other four quarterbacks are ranked in the Top 8.  TopShot is the 9th highest scoring offense in the TSL right now.  If the formula is "score points and win games" then why isn't he ranked better than sixteenth? There sure as hell aren't 15 quarterbacks with better records and stats than Dylan.

"Rank him lower!":  Chalk this one up to strength of schedule.  The combined record of TopShot's three opponents is 4-10.  You can't crack the Top Ten without a single quality win.  

Final verdict:  Dylan is the third highest scoring quarterback in his own division.  He's Power Ranked third amongst quarterbacks in his division.  The rest is all "how does a D2 QB compare to a D3 QB" and that's an argument with no answer.

#17 Andy Clark - Buffalo Vice - (Previous Rank #18)

Last Week:  Beat TOX 28-27

"Rank him higher!":  Andy is the 5th highest score QB in the TSL right now, and his only loss is to the 1st highest scoring QB.  Three of his first four games were against an undefeated team, and two other teams that WOULD be undefeated IF they hadn't played against Andy!  Tough schedule, big wins, gritty wins, points, only loss to Cunning Stunts.  Okay, that's a great resume.

"Rank him lower!":  Stop me if you've heard this story before.  Pure D4 QBs struggle to get ranked very highly.  It is what it is.  Andy is ranked above two D2 quarterbacks right now.  Is he really better than Dylan Day or Jeremy Olsen?  

Final verdict:  Andy is the highest ranked pure D4 quarterback on the charts, and he deserves to be.  Buffalo Vice has to already be thinking about what they'll do differently against Cunning Stunts if they see them in the playoffs...

#18 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad - (Previous Rank #19)

Last Week:  Beat Woodpeckers 43-20

"Rank him higher!":  Practice Squad jumped up a division despite NOT winning D5 last session (which was absolutely the right move) and they're off to a great start.  3-1 record, scoring 30+ PPG, and they just beat an army of 6'5" football machines!! 

"Rank him lower!":  Okay that 6'5" army isn't as good as we thought they'd be.  Practice Squad has had one big test against a top D4 team this season, and wow, did they flunk it.  The road to redemption runs through Cunning Stunts, as they'll need a signature win to put themselves back on the map as contenders.

Final verdict:  B is a stud and Practice Squad are one of four teams sitting a game behind the Stunts in D4.  Are they good enough to win the division?  Probably... but that doesn't mean they will.  

#19 Joe Miano - Jabronies - (Previous Rank #20)

Last Week:  Beat Not So Sticky 34-13

"Rank him higher!":  Well, Joe has scored more point per game than the division rival ranked directly above him, so that's a pretty compelling argument why he's underrated right now.  Yes, the Jabronies have lost two games, but only by a combined five points.

"Rank him lower!":  Good teams WIN close games, and the Jabronies have lost both of theirs.  Sure, they're beating up on D4 cellar dwellers, but if they can't actually win a big game, they won't be taken seriously as contenders.

Final verdict:  Joe is an excellent QB but we can't put him ahead of B with his head-to-head loss. Jabronies still has great players even without Ben Stack and Eric Kleckler.  Top Fifteen isn't out of reach for Joe if he can put a winning streak together. 

#20 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless - (Previous Rank #21)

Last Week:  Beat Passed Our Prime 46-40, lost to XTC 38-30

"Rank him higher!":  He has a win in D2!  Half a dozen QBs above him can't make the same claim that they've won a game in a division that high.  

"Rank him lower!":  Dylan's only win this year comes against Passed Our Prime's shorthanded team... and Scared Hitless almost lost that one too.  Oh, and they're dead last in points scored in D2.

Final verdict:  Scared Hitless is off to a slow start this season which can feel very discouraging.  But there's always growing pains when you move up a division, so that's to be expected.  Better than beating the same times in D3 again, right? At least, we think so.

#21 Jeremy Olsen - Passed Our Prime - (Previous Rank #17)

Last Week:  Lost to Losing Streak 84-29, lost to Scared Hitless 46-40

"Rank him higher!":  As a quarterback, Olsen has actually done very well this season.  He's scoring points with virtually no receivers showing up to his games (other than Keyon, who would be an MVP candidate this season if his team weren't 0-4).  But it's worth pointing out he is STILL outscoring Matty, Topper, Dubey and Newman, ALL of whom are ranked ahead of him.  We're not supposed to punish QBs for bad defenses, but isn't that what's happening here?

"Rank him lower!":  As a team captain, Olsen has not done nearly as well this season, since his team never seems to be anywhere near full strength.  We're not supposed to hold that against him for a QB Ranking probably, but it's hard not to when attendance issues directly lead to a winless start.  It doesn't matter if the talent starts showing up in June, if Passed Our Prime is already eliminated from the playoffs.

Final verdict:  His numbers are more impressive than Dylan's, but Dylan has the head-to-head win regardless of circumstances, so we can't rate Olsen any higher than 21st. We're still expecting a breakout week where everyone shows up and they just steamroll a team, but it will probably be too little too late for Passed Our Prime's season.

#22 "Coach" Jay Jaskier - Wasted Potential - (Previous Rank #22)

Last Week:  Beat Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 55-33, lost to Zack Attack 31-30

"Rank him higher!":  Coach Jay has the highest scoring team in D5 by a good margin, and just smoked the Lightning Falcons for a big win.  He's also the best ref in the game (although that helped him 0% in the Power Rankings to be fair).

"Rank him lower!":  Zack Attack is undefeated and BEAT Wasted Potential head-to-head this week.  Why are we ranking THREE D5 quarterbacks this week and not the only one leading an undefeated team?? #zackattackgotrobbed

Final verdict:  Well for starters "Zack Attack" is winning on the strength of their defense, as they have only the 7th best offense in their division, 9th worst in the whole TSL.  Wasted Potential is winning on the strength of their offense, and Jay is carving up defenses like they're nothing.  We mentioned they have the best offense in their division, but did we mention that they're also 8th overall in the League?  Jay is the Top QB in D5 right now, though the next guy on our list probably won't like that...

#23 Travis Cleavenger - Breast Friends - (Previous Rank #24)

Last Week:  Beat University Wealth Management 43-28

"Rank him higher!":  Don't most girls teams (Lenny's Ladies, Victorious Secret) typically struggle in their first couple seasons?  They also usually start in D6, which Travis had no interest in doing, jumping right into a situation he thought (correctly) they could be competitive.  Their girls are stars to be sure, but it's obviously a testament to their quarterback that they've started from scratch and are already one win away from clinching a winning season.  

"Rank him lower!":  Didn't Breast Friends lose a game against the guy directly below Travis in the QB Rankings?  And not including forfeit wins, they have ALMOST the same offensive stats as ILF too.  Shouldn't the tie go to the winner?

Final verdict:  It was very close between Travis and Baker, but Travis has ONE more point scored than Baker, and the more significant tiebreaker here is that he's doing it with (stop us if you've heard this already) a brand new gender team.  Kudos to Travis and his tastelessly named team for getting another successful gender team up and running.  Oh and another tiebreaker: we don't typically count Breakfast Club, but who's QB of the only remaining undefeated Breakfast Club team?

#24 Dave Baker - Interdimensional Lightning Falcons - (Previous Rank #23)

Last Week:  Lost to Wasted Potential 55-33

"Rank him higher!":  The Lightning Falcons are allowing 34.6 PPG on defense.  The combined record of other teams giving up at least that many points per game: 11-42.  ILF though has a winning record on the strength of their offense (which seemingly needs to score constantly to have a shot) and no one rises to the pressure like Dave Baker.  This is also Dave's first season as quarterback of a team, which makes him the highest ranked "Rookie" on the charts... if you can really consider a man of Dave's advanced age to be a "rookie"

"Rank him lower!":  The guy directly below Dave in the Power Rankings has a better record in a higher division.  We're no experts or anything, but... no wait, we are the experts, he probably DOES deserve to be ranked above Baker!

Final verdict:  ILF struggled last season with consistency, and Dave seemingly righted the ship and made them contenders in D5 immediately.  Considering this is his first effort quarterbacking, we think that's pretty damn impressive.

#25 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs - (Previous Rank #27)

Last Week:  Beat Cobblestone 32-30

"Rank him higher!":  He has a 3-1 record in D4!  This is a no brainer.  Sure, his offensive stats aren't quite as good as the D4 QBs ranked above him, but they're not far off either: Steve is only a few points behind B and Joe Miano... so why isn't he directly behind them (or even ahead of them... he beat Joe head-to-head) instead of being dropped behind three QBs in a lower division?

"Rank him lower!":  Roster shenanigans aside (and we hear there were some real SHENANIGANS) Itches and Ohs don't seem to have a big statement win yet.  Their three wins are by a combined 5 points, and their one loss was by a whopping 35.  Nice that they've won the close ones we suppose, but that negative point differential tells us this team might be more "lucky" than "good" so far.  

Final verdict:  Itches and Ohs are the fifth highest scoring offense in D5 right now, and Steve is ranked sixth among D5 quarterbacks.  Only Topper, on the strength of his D2 performances, is behind Steve in D5 PPG yet ahead of him in the Rankings.  We feel like we got this one right.

***

Best and Worst of the TSL

Our long-time readers know that we like to include charts and graphs at the end of our Power Rankings showing how our teams stack up against each other.  Well, it's finally time!  We're deep enough into the season that we feel like these stats are actually meaningful, so here's our first team chart of the year, highlighting the ten best (and ten worst) teams in the TSL on both sides of the ball so far this season:

Teams that made both Ten Best Lists: Tight Ends in Motion, TopShot

Teams that made both Ten Worst Lists: University Wealth Management, Lenny's Ladies, Not So Sticky, Why So Serious?

Teams that somehow made one of each List: Zack Attack (best defense, worst offense)

**

Final Observations

• There were nine undefeated teams last week, and four of them lost this week.  Your five remaining undefeated juggernauts are: Public Enemy (D1), TopShot and Frodo Swaggins (D3), Cunning Stunts (D4), and Zack Attack (D5).  There are no undefeated teams remaining in D2 or D6.
• There were ten winless teams last week, and five of them won last week.  Your five remaining winless teams are: Sloppy Seconds and Why So Serious? (D1), Passed Our Prime (D2), University Wealth Management (D5), and Juiced (D6).  There are no winless teams remaining in D3 or D4.
• Only one of last season's champions (Public Enemy) remains undefeated this season.
• The longest winning streak in the League belongs to Public Enemy (8 games, dating back to last Fall).
• The longest losing streak in the League belongs to Why So Serious (5 games, dating back to last Fall) if we stick purely with teams that haven't changed names.  If we recognize University Wealth Management from this session as Intentional Pounding from last session (it's the same people...) then the longest losing streak in the League belongs to them (13 games, dating back to last Fall).

And that's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you miss the Pointless Power Rankings?  you think charts are fine, but graphs are better?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

What’s YOUR ranking?

Week 2 Rankings

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Thursday, 06 May 2021 20:17

Published: Thursday, 06 May 2021 20:17

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 10729

"When you're GOOD at something, you'll tell everyone.  When you're GREAT at something, they'll tell you" - Walter Payton

We're two weeks into the Spring 2021 season and by now every team has played at least one game EXCEPT for Cobblestone.  Darryl is a big believer in being fashionably late to the party, apparently.  For the rest of us, we've all had a chance to shine or to flounder by now.  So let's take a look at our TSL Quarterback Power Rankings for Week Two:

#1 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 33-0, beat Why So Serious 33-17

Are you BORED yet?  We're bored.  Two more Public Enemy wins + 33 points scored in each = Chris's 16th week in the top spot (6th in a row).  What else can we even say at this point?  Don't you just want these guys to lose so you can rub it in Cole's smug face?  But who can beat the Champs?  We're looking at you, #2 on our Power Rankings...

#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #2)

Last Week:  Beat Sloppy Seconds 35-21

No change here either, as Eyes Downtown surprised exactly no one by beating brand new D1 team Sloppy Seconds.  Look, without a huge upset, this was never going to be the week that the Top Three changed, it was just the rich getting richer and the poor D1 second-tier getting their asses handed to them.  But with Public Enemy vs Eyes Downtown on the schedule for this week, we're almost guaranteed a shake-up at the top one way or another.  Only question is whether Bobby's moving up or moving down after that game.

#3 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Beat Why So Serious 53-8.

We don't know what's more impressive: Tight Ends' LEAGUE leading 45.5 PPG on offense or their LEAGUE leading 7.0 PPG on defense.  Yes, the best offensive team in the League is also the best defensive team in the League, and they're doing it in Division 1.  We're probably doing Bro a disservice by ranking him #3 right now, but as long as all three top guys remained undefeated, we were always going to go with experience over stats.  Unfair?  Maybe, but he'll get a crack at his real competition eventually this season, and those are the games that will show where Bro really belongs.

#4 Matty Ice - A&A / The Angels - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Beat XTC 30-25

In case you missed Matty's "dissatisfaction" with our work on the TSL Facebook last week, we'll reprint his comments here:

"Alright Im back and I need to make my presence known not only on the field but on social media as well. With that being said I have to comment on this list.  This. Is. Absolute. Blasphemy.  I should never ever be out of the top 3. Ever.  Lemme give you a quick little story. I take a year off, I gotta do some adult stuff ya know.  I make my return only to see the godfather picks against me, I come in as the under dog for A&A. On my first drive go 5-5 for a girl touchdown and a guy 2 point conversion. Flawless. Mike Boccio witnessed it and was in utter shock.  I'd like to reiterate this. I took a year off.  I then take an a gender team, where no gender team has gone before, and get a huge W!  I maybe understand Chris Cole and [Bobby McConnell] being in front of me, they have earned it. Dedicated themselves to this game.  BUT the other two being in front of me is a complete laugh. I didn't play for a year, come back and demolish who ever was set in front of me. I think I'm gonna have Travis Clev QB for A&A the rest of the season and let Katie Salbury go for The Angels and I just come back for the play offs and win it all.  CLEARLY I DONT NEED PRACTICE.  This list needs to be revamped.  I'll see how it looks after week 2.  Until then. This list isn't to be taken seriously."

We do LOVE a good rant (haven't gotten one from Scotty Dro yet this year, which is disappointing) but let's add a little context to your "quick little story": 

1) Yes, you "took a year off" so maybe you need a refresher on where we're at here: This is the 2021 Power Rankings.  Winter session subbing appearances aside, we haven't seen you play since 2019.  You're living in the past, Matty!  This is a "what have you done for me lately" world we're living in, and while Joey and Bro were battling for glory last year, you were... raising dogs or something? (seriously though: we DO love your dog)

2) If Mike Boccio is in "utter shock" about your opening drive success... maybe that means he just doesn't think you're very good?  We don't want to speak for Mr. Boccio here, as he's not on our Power Rankings Committee (or is he?)

3) We DID push you narrowly ahead of Joey this week (you deserve it, you won; he didn't play) but you think you're ahead of Bro Kleckler?  Your awesome talent aside, Bro IS leading the league in scoring on a D1 team.  Have you WATCHED him play?  He should arguably be higher on the list than he is.  "But Bro is surrounded by all this great talent!"  What, and The Angels surrounded themselves with garbage?  You both play with GREAT talent... but Bro's currently scoring more points with his, in a division you CHOSE not to enter.

You don't have to "take us seriously" (we suspect no one does...) but we stand behind our #4 this week.  If it makes you feel any better, we ranked you ahead of 56 other QBs.  Try to look at the glass as half full.

#5 Joey Batts - Mountain Dew Me / Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #4)

Last Week:  DNP

No Mountain Dew Me game this week and a Cunning Stunts win engineered by sub Jordan Lawson.  Joey drops a spot due to inactivity combined with Matty's win.

#6 Scott Drosendahl - Bullet Club - (Previous Rank #8)

Last Week:  Beat Scared Hitless 36-32

Bullet Club is the highest scoring team in D2 at 41 PPG, and the second highest scoring non-gender team in the TSL, which has Scotty Dro rising to his highest ranking yet.  Up next: Undefeated When Dove Cries, who boast the best defense in D2.  Irresistible force (we're sure Scotty would agree with that), meet Immovable object.  Scotty has had hot starts before though, only to disappear as the season goes on.  Does Joe K have a plan for keeping Scotty motivated (and physically present) as Bullet Club pushes for a championship over the coming months?

#7 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #6)

Last Week:  Lost to A&A 30-25

Dubey finished last season at #3 in our Power Rankings, and he has started this season by going 0-2.  Of course his losses are to Joey Batts and Matty Ice and those are two pretty great QBs (even though Matty doesn't seem to think much of Joey).  XTC will try to turn their luck around against newcomers Passed Our Prime this week, who are also trying to bust out of an 0-2 start.  An 0-3 start could push Dubey right out of the Top Ten, but we suspect he'll bounce back this week against POP's League-worst defense (47 PPG allowed).  

#8 Alex Buchlis - Sloppy Seconds - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Lost to Eyes Downtown 35-21

The Alex Buchlis experiment in team building continues ahead of schedule, as Sloppy Seconds falls to Eyes Downtown but not without putting up a fight.  The loss costs Buchlis a spot in the Power Rankings, but he's averaging 20 PPG against Public Enemy and Eyes Downtown so far, which is impressive given his brand new cast of receivers.  We don't imagine the D1 finals being anything other than some combination of Public Enemy, Eyes Downtown and Tight Ends in Motion, but if Sloppy Seconds continues their current trajectory learning to play together, they might just pull off an impressive playoff upset along the way.

#9 Vince Taverna - All We Do is Quinn - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Beat Wolfpack 22-17

Not the most explosive offensive showing in his career, but Vince scores just enough to win and keep AWDIQ undefeated.  The good news for Vince is that he moves up a spot to #9 this week.  The bad news is that he's probably hit his ceiling in the Power Rankings as long as he stays in D3.  We can't imagine him climbing past many of the legends above him right now, and there are several D2 QBs ready to make their own push into the Top Ten which will probably knock him back.  Quinn must get so sick of hearing people say this, but we'll just add to the chorus: please, please win D3 this session so we can FINALLY see what you can do in D2.  You belong there... or at least you will, if you can dominate the playoffs as much as you dominate the regular season.

#10 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries / TOX - (Previous Rank #14)

Last Week:  Beat Losing Streak 34-31, Tied Peachy Platoon 23-23 (When Dove Cries), beat Not So Sticky 33-12

Are we really doing this again?  Oh God, it looks like we are.  How does Topper keep squeaking his way into the Top Ten every session?  He has these impressive starts, then completely collapses and can barely crack the Top Thirty by the end of the season.  Well here we go again... two weeks into the season, When Dove Cries is 2-0-1 and our geriatric superstar remains undefeated against Scared Hitless, Peachy Platoon, Losing Streak, and apparently Father Time.  We won't pretend we saw that coming.  Enjoy it while you can Mr. Commissioner; we don't expect to see you in our Top Ten next week.

***

"AARP McGovern" is the final QB in our Top Ten this week, but his spot is far from safe.  Others pushing for his spot (listed alphabetically, this isn't a "Power Rankings") include:

Terrell Bolden - Why So Serious: Two devastating losses to D1 powerhouses Tight Ends in Motion (53-8... ouch) and Public Enemy (33-17, even with Katie Salisbury as a sub).  Bolden's a pretty exciting QB to watch, but we hear that half his team was missing this week for some flag tournament (or something) and it's tough to beat TEIM and PE with your full teams, let alone replacement squads thrown together to field a team for the day.  We still think we'll see the Why So Serious QB in the Top Ten this season... but it won't be today.

Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak:  Jordan ended up on the wrong side of a 34-31 classic vs Topper's team and later dropped a 34-33 gender team battle to Lenny's Ladies, but when your team scores 30+ points... well, you should probably win.  In fact all OTHER teams that scored 30+ points this week went 18-3, while Jordan went 0-2.  Can his defenders help him out a little?  It gets tough to win shoot-outs every week when your defense isn't getting stops  (More on 30 point games below...)

Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits:  Mike spent 8 consecutive weeks in the Top Ten going back to last season's opener, but scoring 6 points in two games (including a shut-out loss to Public Enemy) has broken his streak for now, as the Sticky Bandits are the lowest scoring team in the TSL through two weeks.  Thomas and Bolden are both suffering from brutal early season schedules against the top D1 teams.  If more D2 teams were willing to make the jump to D1 it might be a more balanced division... but the Sticky Bandits early season struggles highlight exactly why the better D2 teams DON'T want to move up.

Dean Thompson - Peachy Platoon:  That's more like it.  After a Week One loss to Losing Streak, Dean is trending back up to where we expected.  First the Platoon tied When Dove Cries (can you imagine how annoying Topper would be if he were 3-0?  Thanks Peachy!) and then they destroyed a "still-struggling-with-attendance" Passed Our Prime 48-20.  Peachy Platoon is one of six D2 teams averaging more than 30 PPG, and all six of those teams have a .500 record or better.  The four D2 teams averaging less than 30 PPG are a combined 0-7.  Looks like 30 is the magic number, and Dean has Peachy on the right side of that cut-off.

***

Pointless Power Ranking of the Week

Our long-time readers know that we like to include charts and graphs at the end of our Power Rankings showing how our teams stack up against each other.  Well, that's a little stupid after only a couple weeks of play; one of our teams hasn't even played yet, and it's way too early to draw conclusions about the rest after one or two games.  Expect us to start adding those around Week Four or Week Five of this session.

In the meantime, let's keep ranking something pointless (as opposed to the "serious" business of QB rankings of course).  

Last week the Power Rankings Committee voted on the Top Ten best team names. Each week we'll try to look at something different.

Here are your Top Ten Best Free Agent Acquisitions this Spring 2021 season, as voted on by our Committee (in the interests of creating suspense, we'll count down from Ten):

And that's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you're angry we're still only showing the Top Ten after two weeks and haven't expanded yet?  you have better ideas on what our next Pointless Ranking should be?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   

What’s YOUR ranking?