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TSL Quarterback Power Rankings – Week 1

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
Created: Thursday, 02 May 2019 12:44
Published: Thursday, 02 May 2019 12:44
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 2692

TSL Quarterback Power Rankings – Week 1



Chris Cole (#1), who threw for zero yards and zero TDs this week, is on top in the inaugural TSL QB Power Rankings.  What?!  Didn’t we say last week that this is a “what have you done for me lately” league, and the past didn’t matter?  Well, okay – it kinda did.  You can’t penalize the defending D1 champ for having a bye week to start the season.  Public Enemy went undefeated last season against the best teams in WNY co-ed football in large part because of Cole and his D1 leading 39 ppg.  He’s the man to beat this season, even if he hasn’t had a chance to defend his title yet.  Public Enemy plays 1 Todd 2 Many and XTC next week – if Cole is STILL #1 next week, it’ll be because he earned it.


We’ll give Cole a pass for his week off, but Bobby McConnell (#41) has absolutely plummeted in the rankings based on rumors that he’s on the Injured List for the near future.  Bye weeks we can forgive… significant time off we cannot, and Bobby will have to earn his way back up the Rankings when he’s back.  Tough to imagine a QB controversy on Eyes Downtown given that Bobby has been on top of the touch football world for as long as many of us can remember, but what about Chadwick (#3) beating Marketing Mayors 21-7 in Week One?  If Eyes Downtown KEEP winning, don’t they at least have to TALK about keeping Chadwick in at QB?


Dubey (#2) and Title Shot team won a key game against Glowacki (#7) and Money Ball in the battle of C2 newcomers.  Although Glowacki lost, his 15 points scored was somehow the fourth highest point total in the Competitive divisions this week, due to lousy weather that made for a brutal day of offense.  Both QBs are talented, and will put up much better numbers in the weeks to come as weather improves.


Bill Parcells used to say “you are what your record says you are”, and NO ONE in TSL has a better record right now that Matty F’n Ice (#4).  Wins with A&A in his C2 debut, Matty’s Angels in a nailbiter, and Schilling Em Softly in Breakfast Club have Matty as the only 3-0 QB in TSL.  Why isn’t this guy ranked #1??? A&A putting up only 13 points against Energy Buff probably didn’t help.  Matty gets another chance to climb the rankings next week with matchups against both Dubey and Glowacki.  Will two more wins and a Public Enemy loss push everyone’s favorite drunk into the top spot??


Newman (#5) made his case for the Top Ten this week with a huge Slytherin That End Zone win over Peachy Platoon that never felt close.  The jump to R1 might have been a little too ambitious for the Platoon, and they couldn’t have drawn a much worse matchup for their first game than Newman, who was one of only three QBs all day to drop 40+ points on an opponent.  Is SITE going to ride Newman’s arm to the R1 title?


Topper (#10) and 1 Todd 2 Many beat Alex Buchlis (#6) and Tight Ends in Motion by a score of 7-6.  Thirteen combined points, and these guys made the Top Ten??  And Alex, who lost, is somehow four spots AHEAD of Topper??  Hear us out on this.  Topper faced an absolutely KILLER Tight Ends defense this week (has there ever been a team with better defensive girls?) in awful conditions, and in his C1 debut he walked away with the W.  Maybe it’s a fluke, and if that’s the case, we won’t be seeing a lot of our beloved Commish on this list going forward.  But for one glorious day, old man Topper was a winner, so let’s let him have this, okay?  And Alex, despite putting up only 6 points with TEIM, rebounded with Sticky Bandits to beat a Garrett Beesing led Frodo Swaggins team with the highest point total of any game in week one.  Highest scoring QB performance of the week, a one point C1 loss, and the best father/coach in the League?  Yeah, Buchlis has earned his Top Ten spot… let’s see if he can keep it against Marketing Mayors next week.


Joey Batts (#8) led the Cunning Stunts to a huge R3 win against Come From Behind this week.  Is Joey QBing for Gryffindor this year?  We’ll find out next week when they make their Spring debut against Title Shot.  A win over Dubey keeps the former MVP climbing up the rankings, while a loss… well, no one wants to hear a loser grab the microphone at awards banquets and cut a promo about how great he is.


Good to see Ricky Austin (#9) of EmC HammerTime back in action after some injuries that slowed him down last year.  We’re a little surprised to see a Breakfast Club only QB in the rankings for Week One, but he earned it with a big win.


That’s it for this week’s wrap-up.  If you want to let the League know about a great QB performance that should be mentioned in this article, please email Topper at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  He doesn’t write this article, and he doesn’t care about your QB, but wouldn’t it be funny if everyone bombarded him with complaints about how their QB’s don’t get enough respect in the Rankings?

TSL QB Power Rankings Week 1

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
Created: Thursday, 25 April 2019 13:14
Published: Thursday, 25 April 2019 13:14
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 2686


TSL QB Power Rankings


“Now stop. Take a breath. Again, realize this is ALL FOR FUN. Some of you just read this and are gnashing your teeth I didn't give you enough "props" in this piece. A handful of you "get" it and will joke with me about this when you see me Saturday. Others of you will play it off, but keep it in the back of your mind all season and throw any win by your team and a loss by another in my face as though I care about anything other than having fun.” – Rameer AKA “THE BUILD”


Ahh, Rameer.  So wise.  Instead of focusing on why we’re really here (Football + Booze = Good Times For All) the TSL Universe often chooses to get bent out of shape about the perceived lack of respect they and their teams get from the League.  Can you imagine a world where we all just showed up to play our games, had some drinks at the bar, and didn’t worry about what the League website said about how great we are, or how much we suck?


Yeah, you’re right.  That DOES sound boring.


So here’s another weekly article to make you all feel underappreciated - Introducing the TSL QB Power Rankings!!!  Because TSL loves to court controversy, we’re going to publish a weekly Quarterback Power Ranking throughout the season.  League leaders and rising stars will be acknowledged… as will QBs who throw four picks in a game and blow it for their teams. 


Sounds fun, right?  You have questions.  Okay, shoot:


“Are you going to show rankings for all 46 starting QB’s every week?”

No, just the Top Ten will be shown every week, but the write-up will have commentary on other rising and falling QBs throughout the League as well.


“Is this going to be heavily biased towards the Competitive divisions?”

The top ten probably will be, sure.  But we will absolutely be acknowledging the performance (good and bad) of Quarterbacks in the Rec divisions as well.  I doubt a Rec 4 quarterback will ever crack the Top Ten, but all divisions will be covered in the write-up, every week.


“So you’re only ranking QB’s… what about the rest of us?”

We didn’t forget about the rest of you.  So your arm is too weak and your teammates don’t trust you with the most important position in the game.  Don’t worry – we’ll also rank other positions from time to time as well.  Top Non-QB Males in the League, Top Females, Top Rec 2 Players, etc.  We can rank whatever we want.  Best Teammate, Best Drinker, Best Division, Best Referee, Best Looking… Ranking anything is always fun.  Unless we rank you last, of course.


“You keep saying ‘we’.  Who is writing this?  Who determines these rankings?”

The Western New York Touch Football Writers Assoc… no, wait, that’s some other league.  Don’t worry about who’s writing this.  Let’s be honest: If you knew, you would incessantly whine to that person or persons about why you or your QB should be ranked higher every week.  Anonymity is key.


So that’s the plan.  We debated doing a Pre-Season rankings to start the season, but that would be based off of last year’s performances, and the past means nothing to us.  This is a “what have you done for me lately” league, and no one cares that Topper won a D3 title anymore… all that matters is how Topper does in his new division (spoiler alert: he will do badly).  So the first rankings will be released after the first games of the season have taken place.


We started by quoting “The Rant”, so let’s close by ripping off “The Sentinel” with a poem of our own:


Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

If you’re so great at QB,

Why are you ranked 42?

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